April, 2009
April 4th, 2009, 9:03 p.m. - It was a little too Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul for me, too, Allison
The Amazing Race - "Gorilla? Gorilla? Gorilla?": Even though my favorite team was eliminated, this was a great episode. As I mentioned in my recap, one of the things I love about the show is how many unexpected things can happen, like Mark and Michael staying in first place for most of the leg, then getting an hour-long penalty at the mat. Plus, unmanufactured drama in the form of Margie almost passing out. You can't write this stuff, people! It's pretty impressive that even with Mel and Mike being eliminated, I still loved this episode. The whole season has been surprisingly good. Rating: 5 rickshaws
House - "Locked In": So many shows do high-concept episodes and can't pull them off, but this one really worked. Can Mos Def do episode commentary every week? It was like Mystery Science Theater 3000 without the robots. I just wish they weren't telegraphing Taub's inevitable downfall so much. Rating: 4 silver bracelets
How I Met Your Mother - "Murtaugh": The whole episode was terrific. This was the first time in a long time that I liked both the A plot and the B plot. I laughed out loud through almost the entire episode. My only complaint is that they didn't cast Danny Glover as the laser-tag guy. Oh, and that they keep making Alyson Hannigan and Cobie Smulders carry stuff. We know they're pregnant, directors. You're just drawing more attention to it. Rating: 5 aspirins that weren't actually aspirins
American Idol - Top 9 performances and results: This week was so disappointing. Funny that the producers finally gave the singers a broad theme and they actually did worse. I was happy with the results, though; I liked Megan a lot at her original audition but she's gone downhill since then. She'd completely overstayed her welcome. Rating: 3 caws
America's Next Top Model - "Here's Your Test": I had to wait to see this episode because it was bumped for basketball, and it really wasn't worth the wait. Interestingly, though, I wound up liking Celia more after the whole throwing-Tahlia-under-the-bus aftermath. I admired her for wanting to go out with a bang even though she thought this might be it for her. She could have just given up, but she kept fighting. Also, not many people could have come out of this looking worse than Aminat and Natalie. Man, Natalie bugs me. Rating: 3 cardboard cutouts of Tyra
Lost - "Whatever Happened, Happened": I'm not a Kate hater, like a lot of people, but I realized this week that a little of her goes a long way. I just can't ever feel a connection to her like I can to the other characters. Plus, I think most people had figured out that right before he jumped out of the helicopter, Sawyer had told her to look up Cassidy and Clementine, so that wasn't exactly a huge revelation. I'm much more interested in finding out a) why Hurley decided to go back to the island, b) who beat up Ben before the flight, and c) what he's going to do now. Oh, and why the people who stayed on the island didn't seem to worry about being stuck in the '70s during those three years everyone else was gone. Rating: 4 keys
Survivor - "One of Those Coach Moments": Nice fake-out there at the end, editors! I really thought Stephen and J.T. were going to screw Taj over. This week was pretty boring, but I'm looking forward to how things shape up next week with the merge. Taj, Stephen, Sierra, and Brandon now have the chance to put their cross-tribe alliance into action. Let's hope they actually do it, since there are a few things they'd had the chance to do recently and just haven't (like voting out Joe after they knew he'd gotten the fake idol. Hello!). Rating: 3 ceramic pigs apparently left over from that Mole challenge
April 5th, 2009, 5:46 p.m. - The lost sheep
11. I'm Perfect, You're Doomed (Kyria Abrahams)
Up next: Beat the Reaper (Josh Bazell)
April 8th, 2009, 8:53 a.m. - Somehow, I'm not surprised that Adam and I were born the same year
"Rebels Been Rebels Since I Don't Know When"
April 9th, 2009, 11:24 p.m. - "Who would've thought that the thing that would save this company would be work?"
House - "Simple Explanation": Excellent fake-out! I figured this would be the episode where the rumored death would occur, and I went in thinking, "Well, it's not going to be Kal Penn." Silly me. I do wish they'd focused on just Kutner's death in this episode, rather than cram it in with the other storyline, because I think both plots had enough in them to stand on their own. As it was, I felt like the patient-of-the-week (well, patients-of-the-week) plot was rushed and we didn't get enough of the emotional resonance that should have come from the revelation at the end. But maybe just focusing on Kutner's death would have been too heavy. Anyway, I appreciate the surprise. I love a good surprise. Rating: 4 jokes about David Caruso
American Idol - Top 8 performances and results: I love it when someone goes home the same week he or she gives a bad performance. It's like the system is working. Also, Adam, I would like to be the Grace to your Will. Please call me. Rating: 3 fake mustaches
America's Next Top Model - "Acting Like a Model": Color me pleasantly surprised by Clay Aiken. He wasn't a bad actor, especially for a guy who started out in singing. I liked his comments at panel, too. Methinks he watches the show regularly. I was also happy to see Allison stay over Tahlia, since Allison has tons more potential. Of course, that probably means she'll be this season's girl who gets cut for having potential but never using it. So who's going to be the girl who gets cut for not having a personality, Teyona or Natalie? I hope it's Natalie. Shut up, Natalie. Rating: 3 pairs of jeans London unfortunately can't fit into
Lost - "Dead is Dead": I liked the flashbacks, but the rest was kind of ho-hum. Maybe I'm expecting too much after such a stellar season. I'm really excited for next week, though; I love Ken Leung and Miles really intrigues me. I predict awesomeness. Rating: 4 bags of groceries that saved Desmond's life, thank goodness
Survivor - "The Dragon Slayer": Shut up, Tyson. SHUT UP, COACH. You know what? Shut up, everyone except Taj and Stephen. And J.T., sometimes. And Brandon, I guess. And sometimes Sierra. Okay, mostly just shut up, Tyson and Coach. Also, editors, stop telegraphing things so much. If you show the infection in the first act, we know it has to go off in the third. Okay, that metaphor doesn't really work here, but you get what I mean. Rating: 3 poles
The Office - "Dream Team": Eh. Too predictable. I'm getting tired of the Jim/Charles dynamic. And Michael is still annoying. And even though I kind of liked seeing Ryan again, I knew he was going to get really annoying soon (see my next review), and I definitely wasn't looking forward to it. Rating: 3 pairs of bowling shoes
The Office - "The Michael Scott Paper Company": Much, much better than the previous episode, even with the dumb Jim/Charles plot borrowed from Seinfeld. Leslie David Baker totally stole the episode, by the way, first with his background glance when Dwight was whispering to Andy about Erin, then when he and Phyllis stopped by to see Michael's new office and he laughed at Ryan. Speaking of Ryan, remember when I said I knew he was going to get annoying again? Man, that was fast. Rating: 5 pancakes
Harper's Island - "Whap": I'm hooked. It's a stupid guilty pleasure, but I don't care. I need a mindless show to watch, and a good mystery. We'll see if I get frustrated and give up halfway through. Rating: 4 snails
April 12th, 2009, 11:32 p.m. - How fitting that on Easter, Mark and Michael came back from the dead again
"Bags? We Don't Need No Stinking Bags!"
April 13th, 2009, 9:32 p.m. - ...Wait. What just happened?
12. Beat the Reaper (Josh Bazell)
Up next: Good Book (David Plotz)
April 14th, 2009, 11:17 p.m. - Still in my little Kris-induced puddle of goo
"Raise Your Hopeful Voice, You Have a Choice"
April 16th, 2009, 11:07 p.m. - Can Amber stay? Seriously?
The Amazing Race - "Rooting Around in People's Mouths Could Be Unpleasant": Okay, what is up with Mark and Michael? How can two people be so clueless? All you have to do is read the rules and then follow them. It's not that difficult. If you can navigate yourself around the country, you can do that. In other news, shut up, Jaime. Rating: 4 transvestites
House - "Saviors": I was bored for about 59 minutes, and then bam! Amber! No more boredom! One extra point just for that. Rating: 4 baby carrots
How I Met Your Mother - "Mosbius Designs": Eh. That's it? I feel like there should be more. Also, if GNB is laying people off, why would they hire a new paralegal? I mean, I get that it's a joke, but...it doesn't work. So it's not funny. Like this episode. Rating: 3 pairs of Wolverine nails
American Idol - Top 7 performances and results: Oh, Kris. Why must you be married? His performance of "Falling Slowly" was one of my favorite of the whole season. It was one of those moments where I fell in love with a song I loved all over again. Everyone else paled in comparison. As for the judges' save, I don't really care about it one way or another. There are so few people left that it was soon going to become irrelevant, and I don't see the results being any different next week. I see Matt and Lil going home next, leaving us with a very strong top five. Rating: 3 swoon-worthy notes
America's Next Top Model - "Take Me to the Photo Shoot": They telegraphed the outcome through the entire episode, so I wasn't surprised at all when London went home. No way was Aminat going to leave over her. Also, Teyona still has no personality. Why haven't the judges said anything? It's starting to bug me. Natalie's annoying, but at least annoying is a personality trait. Rating: 3 microphone wires
Lost - "Some Like it Hoth": Okay, an extra point just for the title, because come on. Funny. I love Miles, and I like that the writers keep highlighting characters and relationships that the viewers have given positive feedback about. I wish more shows would do that. Why wouldn't you want your audience to be happy? I know a lot of people were annoyed by another episode focused on daddy issues, but have they never seen a J.J. Abrams show before? Between him and Joss Whedon, I've been exposed to more daddy-issue shows than is healthy. Rating: 4 sandwiches with garlic mayo
Survivor - "The Biggest Fraud in the Game": ARG! I know they were smart to get rid of Brendan, but COME ON! Coach is so annoying! You can tell that even the editors can't stand him. I'm really looking forward to seeing him go. Unless someone takes him to the finals because he's easy to beat. Please, no. I can't take much more of him. Rating: 4 brownies. Those looked really good
The Office - "Heavy Competition": For once, I hated the Jim plot and loved the Michael plot. Is this Bizarro Scranton? Rainn Wilson was brilliant in this episode, and I liked seeing Michael succeed. He really is a good businessman, for all his other faults. The Jim/Andy stuff was just dumb, but the main plot was so good that it almost made up for it. Rating: 4 dead fish
Harper's Island - "Crackle": Still fun! Not very cerebral and somewhat predictable, but still fun. I'm surprised they didn't just wait until the summer to air this; it's the perfect summer treat. Rating: 4 deer
Also, I subbed for Survivor: "Slaying the Slayer"
April 19, 12:54 p.m. - Since I complained that no one was talking about it...
Nicole Kidman listened to me and is trying to get the movie rights to Little Bee.
9:51 p.m. - I'm so going to get called racist for siding with Margie and Luke over Jen and Kisha
April 22nd, 2009, 8:50 a.m. - I love that picture to pieces
"I Need Some Hot Stuff, Baby, Tonight"
April 23rd, 2009, 11:13 p.m. - I'm way too proud of this title
April 24th, 2009, 10:37 p.m. - Why do the models on ANTM keep winding up in the same country where Survivor's being filmed?
The Amazing Race - "Our Parents Will Cry Themselves to Death": I'm not even going to talk about the big fight because I'm totally over it. I'll just say that I'm glad Mark and Michael are finally gone, because I was getting kind of tired of wondering how they would screw up each week. Rating: 3 fish-catching birds
American Idol - Top 7 performances and results (again): Yeah, from here on out, I think things are going to be pretty much the same: Danny and Adam will be good, Kris will be almost as good, and Matt and Allison will be less good. Let's just jump forward to the finale, shall we? Rating: 3 completely inappropriate dresses worn by Thelma Houston
America's Next Top Model - "The Amazing Model Race": Yay, Natalie's gone! And Teyona showed her personality! And the models had to pose with fruit on their heads! Okay, I wasn't exactly waiting for that last one to happen over the past few weeks, but it was still pretty awesome. But not as awesome as Natalie going home! Rating: 4 Chiquita bananas
Survivor - "It's Funny When People Cry": I love it when people on this show realize, "Hey, we should totally get rid of X right now," and then actually follow it through. Especially when X = annoying people like Tyson. Good riddance. What an annoying, egotistical, insufferable person. Seeing him go - and without any idea it was going to happen - is almost as good as seeing Coach go. Almost. Rating: 5 soggy pizzas
The Office - "Broke": Yay, another episode where Michael isn't completely stupid! Once again, I like seeing him show his smarter side, which happens so rarely. I liked the way the plotline was wrapped up; it was much better than if the company had failed and Michael, Pam, and Ryan had just said, "Oh, well. Let's go back to Dunder Mifflin." Also, as great as Idris Elba is, I'm not sad to see Charles go. He was so boring. Rating: 4 Korean church vans
Grey's Anatomy - "Sweet Surrender": If I ever have cancer and start acting like Izzie did in the first half of the episode, everyone I know has my permission to smack me in the face. Also, I'm still waiting for my very own Bailey. Or possibly my very own Mark, as he's turned out to be very good with advice. Dude has the ability to sleep with his best friend's wife and stay friends with him. That's pretty amazing. Rating: 4 wedding dresses
Harper's Island - "Ka-Blam": My main suspect was the sheriff, but now I think I have to find someone new, since I doubt he would write himself a note like the one he found at Kelly's house. But I don't mind being in the dark; there are still ten episodes left. I'm still very entertained by the show, which is really all I wanted from it. Rating: 4 shotguns
April 25th, 2009, 3:41 p.m. - Holy cow
13. Good Book (David Plotz)
Up next: Security (Stephen Amidon)
April 27th, 2009, 8:52 a.m. - In which Kisha is AWESOME
April 28th, 2009, 11:18 p.m. - Viva Adam!
"You're My Favorite Work of Art"
Back to 2009 Journals
I've never really understood what Jehovah's Witnesses believe, so Abrahams' book was very informative, as well as honest and funny. I'm impressed with the way she writes about herself in situations that were completely unflattering. If this had been fiction and Abrahams had written herself as the protagonist, there would be nothing redeeming about her, but knowing that she put this all out there to reveal her life makes me more sympathetic. I do wish she'd focused just on her childhood and teenage years, however; the book goes on a little longer than it should.
It's bloody, it's brutal, and it's a little bit insane (especially the ending), but it's also funny, entertaining, and even a little educational. But the end. Wow, the ending. I'm wincing just thinking about it.
SO BORING. This is an example of a good idea being executed poorly. Plotz is just trying too hard.
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