April, 2011
April 2nd, 2011, 3:09 p.m. - I love Kiwi
8. Swamplandia! (Karen Russell)
Up next: Bossypants (Tina Fey)
April 3rd, 2011, 5:16 p.m. - By the way, I can't find that tea anywhere. It makes me feel like Luke
The Amazing Race - "I Feel Like a Monkey in a Circus Parade": I loved this leg, even though it eliminated such a likable team. The Globetrotters are about 99 percent of the way to making me forgive them for quitting their first season. Between playing that trick on Mallory and Flight Time saying to the man at the tea Roadblock, "Here you go, homie," it's almost impossible not to like them. Rating: 5 (not 4, Jet) bottles of unlabeled, product-placed tea
American Idol - Top 11 perform and two go home: Can't argue with those results. Neither of them was going to win. I don't think we're going to have any truly surprising results for a while. Rating: 3 times the show tried to convince us we wouldn't believe who was going home, which was a total lie
America's Next Top Model - "Sonia Dara": Dear Monique, I decided I want to punch you in the face. Good riddance. Rating: 5 horrible hats someone FINALLY commented on
Top Chef - "Finale": This season was so great, but the finale was so dull. I didn't really care either way about who won. It was between feeding Blais' ego or...you know, giving the win to Mike, who, though he was more likable this season, is still annoying. So it was kind of a lose-lose situation for the audience. The season was a good idea, and it's not the show's fault it had to end up this way. Rating: 3 scoops of foie gras ice cream
Grey's Anatomy - "Song Beneath the Song": Wow, some people REALLY hated this episode. I thought it was pretty good, if a little cheesy at times. I think some people took it too seriously. Rating: 4 teeny babies who are totally going to die
April 6th, 2011, 10:33 p.m. - Next week they'll probably let Will.i.am be a guest judge
April 9th, 2011, 3:51 p.m. - Brittani went from 0 to crazy faster than Alexandria's new car
Desperate Housewives - "Everything's Different, Nothing's Changed": Why didn't Susan just ask Bree for her kidney instead of bothering with the Paul/Beth stuff? Oh, right, because that would have made sense. I do enjoy having Andrew back on the show, though. Rating: 3 drinks
The Killing - "Pilot," "The Cage": I had heard that this show moved a little slowly, so I was worried that I would be bored, but I thought the pacing was just right. Great acting here, and I'm excited to see more. Rating: 5 pink sweaters
American Idol - Top nine perform and one goes home: Remember last week when I said we wouldn't see any shocking results for a while? Oops! Unless Lauren can just kill it the rest of the season, I think we'll be seeing another guy win this year. (Let's face it, Haley isn't going to do it.) Rating: 4 people who are totally outraged even though they didn't vote for Pia either
America's Next Top Model - "Eric Daman": Team...Alexandria? I never thought I'd say that. She's still annoying, but the other girls were just ridiculous to her. And Brittani...I don't have words for Brittani. What a child. Rating: 5 brand-new cars
April 10th, 2011, 9:44 p.m. - Mallory does have a point...
"'What Is the Deal With Cow Manure?'"
9:48 p.m. - I loved this book so much, I already took it behind the middle school and got it pregnant
9. Bossypants (Tina Fey)
Up next: Heads You Lose (Lisa Lutz and David Hayward)
April 13th, 2011, 11:15 p.m. - Not gonna lie, I'm a little proud of the title
April 16th, 2011, 7:28 p.m. - If you drink every time Molly swears, you'll be drunk by the first commercial break
The Amazing Race - "You Don't Get Paid Unless You Win": I don't think anyone's crying over Ron and Christina being eliminated. Well, maybe over Christina, but definitely not Ron. What a blowhard. Rating: 4 dips in the Ganges
The Killing - "El Diablo": Yeah, I have no idea who killed Rosie, but I'm really enjoying what's leading up to finding out. Also, Michelle Forbes should get an Emmy. Also also, I don't trust Gwen for a second. Rating: 5 devil masks
House - "The Dig": Yay, Thirteen is back. How exciting. Woo. Rating: 3 rhubarbs
How I Met Your Mother - "The Exploding Meatball Sub": Once again, Lily and Marshall are just great together. I loved the "graduation goggles" bit. That was, without a doubt, the best use of "I Will Remember You" ever. Rating: 4 sauce stains
American Idol - Top eight perform and one goes home: Stefano is clearly the weakest link here, and I feel bad for Pia and Paul for having to go home before him. But his day will come. Probably next week. If not then, the week after. Or the week after. Get it together, America! Rating: 3 guitar solos
America's Next Top Model - "Lana Marks": Nooooooooo! Well, now I don't care who wins. It should've been Jaclyn. Of the five girls left, only one (Kasia) has never ticked me off. (Hannah would have been in the clear if she hadn't told Alexandria out-right that she wanted her to go home last week.) So...Team Kasia? I guess? Rating: 4 dresses made out of garbage bags
Modern Family - "The Musical Man": I laughed embarrassingly loudly at a number of moments in this episode: Alex's response to Haley saying she's not going to college (saying they took the scenic route but still got to the destination)/ Mitchell's soliloquy of everything he wanted to say to Cameron, which obliviously interrupted Jay and his brother's conversation. Haley saying, "I'll go home with anyone," and Alex replying that they should put that on the van. Luke saying, "I can feel my heartbeat in my eyes." I'm so glad I started watching this show. Rating: 4 cell phones (taped closed)
The Office - "Training Day": I'm glad Will Ferrell isn't staying - I don't think I could take his character for more than a few episodes. Bring on Will Arnett! Rating: 3 cans of shaving cream
April 17th, 2011, 10:48 p.m. - Another recap title I'm way too proud of
"And How Does That Make You Feel?"
April 20th, 2011, 11:22 p.m. - Thanks for nothing, Haley
April 23rd, 2011, 12:59 p.m. - If I were gay, I would totally go for Santana
The Amazing Race - "I Cannot Deal With Your Psycho Behavior": Is it just me, or has every other leg been a non-elimination or double leg? I feel like we only get an elimination every three weeks or so. Let's just hope Kent and Vyxsin go next because...yikes. Rating: 4 plates of wienerschnitzel
Desperate Housewives - "Moments in the Woods": Bree, you're a moron. But I'm glad Andrew has a plotline, so I'll be quiet. And I'll hope that Susan keeps gambling until she has millions of dollars and we never have to hear about her and Mike's money problems again. Rating: 3 poker chips
The Killing - "A Soundless Echo": The people complaining that the scenes of the Larsens' grief are annoying and slow don't seem to be getting the point of the show. It's not all about the investigation. And I have a different complaint: Rosie possibly being involved with her teacher is such a cliché and shows up in every murder mystery involving a teenage girl. I'm disappointed that this otherwise wonderful show stooped to that. Rating: 4 globe lamps
House - "Last Temptation": I hope someday they have Amber Tamblyn come back. I really enjoyed seeing her as such a different character. Call me crazy, but I also enjoyed the chicken plot. Hilarious. Rating: 5 chicken-hunting dogs
How I Met Your Mother - "Hopeless": This means Barney's going to get back together with Nora, right? RIGHT? Rating: 4 bottles of milk
Glee - "A Night of Neglect": I see we're stretching the concept of "neglected artist." Aretha? Adele? The Queen of Soul and a Grammy winner with a hot new album, neglected? This was totally just an excuse to have the characters sing lesser-known songs. This episode just fell really flat for me, even the stuff with Sue. Also, I WANT CHARICE OFF MY TV. I don't care how well she can sing. The girl CANNOT ACT. Cheyenne Jackson can stay, though. He was awesome. Rating: 3 cat diseases
American Idol - Top seven perform and one goes home: See, they're singing Adele on Idol - she's not neglected! Thank you, America, for voting Stefano out. Now will you please turn on Scotty? Rating: 4 fake beards
Modern Family - "Someone to Watch Over Lily": The Lily-as-Carmen-Miranda capper bumps an otherwise-just-okay episode up an entire point. Love it. Rating: 4 hair rings
The Office - "Michael's Last Dundies": Congratulations, show, you managed to make Will Ferrell, who I usually find funny, completely unfunny. FIX IT. Rating: 2 Dundies
4:18 p.m. - Heads will roll
10. Heads You Lose (Lisa Lutz and David Hayward)
Up next: Another Whole Nother Story (Dr. Cuthbert Soup)
April 24th, 2011, 10:19 p.m. - Alternate title: "Say Cheese!"
"'I'm Not Very Fond-ue of Fondue'"
April 28th, 2011, 10:54 p.m. - When everyone's good, I start to worry. It's just not natural
April 30th, 2011, 2:56 p.m. - "I'm a closet lesbian and a judgmental b$#@&, which means one thing: I have awesome gaydar"
The Amazing Race - "We're Good American People": Poor cowboys. But they took a lot of risks, and it makes sense that that would come back on them sooner or later. Right now it looks like Zev and Justin are the team best positioned to win. They've raced consistently, and they rarely have communication problems, so I think this is theirs to lose. Rating: 4 pots of fondue
Desperate Housewives - "The Lies Ill-Concealed": Good for Gaby. If my husband told me to choose between him and my best friend, I would leave, too. I wouldn't want to be with someone who thought I needed to choose. I'm not sure how I feel about the retcon of Mrs. McCluskey knowing that Felicia was alive, but since it gives Kathryn Joosten something to do, I'll go with it. Rating: 3 pineapple upside-down cakes
The Killing - "Super 8": Is it possible that Rosie went to Bennet's house to help him with the floors? ...No? Okay, then. Rating: 4 boxes of cereal
Glee - "Born This Way": The theme was heavy-handed, but that's no surprise. There were a lot of good moments anyway, as well as some very good songs. (Funny how they promoted this as a Lady Gaga-centric episode, but they just sang the one Lady Gaga song.) The mash-up of "I Feel Pretty" and "Unpretty" was unexpected and beautiful. That's how this show needs to do mash-ups. I also really liked the scene between Emma and the psychiatrist. I think the show is starting to recognize that there are quirks and then there are quirks that hit you over the head and get overdone. Rating: 4 shirts with words on them
American Idol - Top six perform and one goes home: America is so fickle. James or Lauren FTW! Rating: 4 dogs chilling during Bruno Mars' performance
America's Next Top Model - "Franca Sozzani": Go away, Alexandria. Team Hannah! Rating: 4 camels
Grey's Anatomy - "It's a Long Way Back": I can't believe they didn't kill the baby! I was so sure she wouldn't survive the episode. The combination of Meredith committing a huge ethical violation and Derek suggesting they adopt next week, I wonder if she'll still be working at the hospital by the end of the season. Whatever, babies are cute. Rating: 3 maxed-out credit cards
The Office - "Goodbye, Michael": I thought this was the perfect farewell episode. There were a lot of great moments, my favorite being Dwight reading Michael's recommendation letter. The episode wasn't too funny or too sad, and everyone got to have a moment with Michael. Now let's turn to the business of getting Deangelo the heck out of here. Rating: 4 cupcakes Kelly lots hot eating
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Everything else was overrated.
I only watch 30 Rock occasionally, but I love Tina Fey. She was always one of my favorite parts of SNL. This book is equal parts memoir, behind-the-scenes tour, and reflection on life, especially motherhood. There are some nice moments that weren't funny (and some funny moments that weren't nice). Basically, this is exactly what I look for in a memoir.
A very creative book, with Lutz and Hayward alternating chapters, commenting on each other's writing, and throwing each other curveballs (mostly out of spite). There are too many characters to keep straight, and the plot gets too complicated, but that's not really the point.
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