April, 2012
April 1st, 2012, 7:01 p.m. - "50 percent of marriages end in divorce, but 100 percent of make-your-own-sundae bars end in happiness"
The Amazing Race - "This Is Wicked Strange": I definitely didn't see that coming. Danny and Joey were the quintessential make-it-to-the-final-three team, and a real threat to win. It'll be interesting to see how the other teams react to their elimination now that a strong pairing is gone. Rating: 4 oil baths
American Idol - Top nine perform and one goes home: Everyone was kind of good this week, even the boring ones. I think DeAndre will probably be next to go, and after that, it's going to get ugly. Rating: 4 standing ovations
Survivor - "The Beauty in a Merge": Well, there goes my winner. Step it up, Sabrina! Rating: 3 pots of laundry
America's Next Top Model - "Beverly Johnson": Aw, man! Ashley was awesome! Why couldn't they get rid of one of the boring girls instead? Rating: 5 pairs of Hammer pants that Azmarie should never wear again
The Big Bang Theory - "The Transporter Malfunction": I'm still laughing over some parts of this episode. The way they kept reposing the Spock figurine was priceless. Rating: 5 adorable puppies I hope we see again
Degrassi - "Need You Now, Part 1": Oh, joy, Eli episodes. Just what I was hoping for. And I'm sure the K.C. plot won't end in total disaster. Here ends this week's installment of sarcastic Degrassi-related remarks. Rating: 3 pawned guitars
April 4th, 2012, 10:52 p.m. - Really? DeBarge?
"I'm So Excited! I'm So... Scared!"
April 7th, 2012, 12:21 p.m. - 2/3 of a good book
10. The Man from Primrose Lane (James Renner)
Up next: Some Assembly Required (Anne Lamott with Sam Lamott)
4:54 p.m. - "Sheldon doesn't know when he's being mean because the part of his brain that should know is getting a wedgie from the rest of his brain"
American Idol - Top eight perform and one goes home: Hollie, honey, when you're hanging on by a thread, that's not the right time to bust out the Flashdance song. Actually, there's never a right time to bust out the Flashdance song. Rating: 3 guitar-playing brother-in-laws
Survivor - "Just Annihilate Them": Go, Kim! Way to...do something! Since so few people are. Rating: 3 bottles of product-placed soda
The Big Bang Theory - "The Hawking Excitation": I love watching Sheldon have to do something he doesn't want to do. And then realizing he was wrong about something. And then passing out. And, of course, wearing a maid's outfit. Quick question: Where's Amy? Rating: 5 belt buckles
Grey's Anatomy - "The Lion Sleeps Tonight": I'm already sick of the Owen/Cristina stuff. Oh, wait, I meant to say that I've been sick of it all season. If they're going to break up, they should break up already and let us focus on something else. Like how Lexie and Mark really, really need to get back together. Rating: 3 lion's teeth
Degrassi - "Need You Now, Part 2": Eli is much less annoying when he's stabilized and not freaking out about a girl. Which I think means they need to keep him single. Rating: 3 mascot uniforms
April 8th, 2012, 10:53 p.m. - Everyone needs to play the quiet game for a little while, mmmkay?
April 10th, 2012, 10:14 p.m. - Ironically, I finished this on Anne Lamott's birthday
11. Some Assembly Required (Anne Lamott with Sam Lamott)
Up next: Bed (David Whitehouse)
April 11th, 2012, 10:52 p.m. - I can't believe I liked Colton's performance. Now I have to question everything I know about myself
April 14th, 2012, 2:31 p.m. - "You and Moe are gonna kiss on the lips"
The Amazing Race - "I Didn't Make Her Cry": Rachel was actually less annoying than Vanessa in this episode. Which doesn't say much for Vanessa at all. Apparently this is not going to be a situation where someone decides to be the bigger person and just shuts up. Except Jamie and Nary, who continue to be fairly awesome (as long as we forget about them not rushing to get to the mat as quickly as possible). Rating: 4 jumping tasks that didn't really make sense
How I Met Your Mother - "Trilogy Time": I still couldn't care less about Quinn, but the rest of the episode had me laughing. I especially liked the sight gags with the newspapers, like "America Regrets Giving George W. Bush Third Term." Rating: 4 Stormtrooper costumes
Glee - "Big Brother": I think I'm getting better at ignoring the ridiculous parts of the show and enjoying the good parts. Like Matt Bomer, who can return any time he wants. Also, Cooper Anderson? Hee. Rating: 4 heavy-handed PSAs
American Idol - Top seven perform and Modern Family - "Election Day": This had a good mix of comedy and some bittersweetness. I especially liked Claire and Haley being proud of each other at the end. That was a really nice moment. Rating: 5 congratulations/condolences banners
Grey's Anatomy - "Support System": Eh. Pretty unmemorable. Sandra Oh may have earned herself an Emmy this week, though. Rating: 3 beanbag chairs
Degrassi - "Smash Into You, Part 1": You know, Dave actually did the right things to try to get Jacinta to leave him alone. Well, except answering the phone. Of course Alli's going to find out about everything and flip out, because that's what Alli does, but for once, Dave actually deserves better. And though I hate to admit it, Marisol's U.S. response to the Somalian famine was very U.S. But she still needs to shut up. Rating: 3 wads of gum
April 15th, 2012, 1:55 p.m. - A reason? What's that?
12. Bed (David Whitehouse)
Up next: The Expats (Chris Pavone)
9:52 p.m. - The preschool teacher in me wants to tell all these people to use their indoor voices
April 22nd, 2012, 2:26 p.m. - It's not Alias, but it'll do
13. The Expats (Chris Pavone)
Up next: Drop Dead Healthy (A.J. Jacobs)
4:01 p.m. - Come back, emo boy! I take it all back!
The Amazing Race - "Let Them Drink Their Haterade": I didn't like the setup of this leg; there really wasn't a way for Jamie and Nary to make up their time, even with the double U-Turn. And they were the only team left without someone annoying. Boo! Rating: 3 bees
How I Met Your Mother - "Now We're Even": The better joke would have been Lily having the dream about Sandy. You know, since Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof are married. Okay, I'll just keep amusing myself over here. Rating: 3 helicopters
Glee - "Saturday Night Glee-ver": Whose idea was this? And why did someone approve it? Rating: 3 more performances than necessary
American Idol - Top seven perform and one goes home: I don't get it. Was this a joke? I was just starting to like Colton! Dang it. Now I don't want to like anyone. Rating: 4 teenage girls who fell down on the job this week
America's Next Top Model - "Estelle": Sophie's winning this whole thing, right? I'm not the only one who thinks so? Just making sure. Rating: 3 adorable little girls recruited for the PSAs
Modern Family - "The Last Walt": The Phil/Alex stuff was so nice. I like it when Phil's actually a good dad. And Manny was awesome. Rating: 5 seagulls
Grey's Anatomy - "The Girl With No Name": Everyone was really good in this episode, and there were a lot of satisfying moments. I just wish they weren't trying to pretend that anyone's going to move to another hospital, because that has never worked out. Rating: 4 abandoned stuffed animals
Degrassi - "Smash Into You, Part 2": Aww, poor Dave. It's not his fault he hooked up with a crazy girl. Poor Tristan, too. I knew where the story was going, but there was nothing that could be done to stop it. Rating: 4 text messages
April 28th, 2012, 5:03 p.m. - I feel all educated now
14. Drop Dead Healthy (A.J. Jacobs)
Up next: The Year of the Gadfly (Jennifer Miller)
April 29th, 2012, 2:59 p.m. - "It feels like defusing a bomb in a haunted house that's built on a minefield, and there are bears everywhere. And the bears have knives"
The Amazing Race - "Bollywood Travolta": Now THAT is how to get your viewers engaged emotionally. Mark and Bopper are one of the more likable teams to ever compete on this show, and they just keep running into bad luck (or making bad decisions, but more often it's luck). If they'd quit or been eliminated, I might have actually cried. Yay for second (er, third) chances! Rating: 5 cute little motorized rickshaws
Glee - "Dance With Somebody": Good music, if not the best plotlines. Can we have Cheyenne Jackson back now? Rating: 4 text messages that were kind of stalkerish
American Idol - Top six perform and one goes home: Well, that was...predictable. America has not understood Elise for six weeks; why would this week be any different? Rating: 3 points in the video packages when I thought the others really don't like Jessica or Elise
America's Next Top Model - "Georgina Chapman": Thank you, panel. Seymone was SO ANNOYING. Also, thank you for finding the awesomeness in Sophie's photo this week. I was actually worried about her before she was called second. Rating: 4 Hello Kitty products ruthlessly destroyed to make clothing no one would actually wear
The Big Bang Theory - "The Stag Convergence": Yay, Amy's back! Everything else was meh. Rating: 3 awesomely inappropriate toasts
Grey's Anatomy - "Moment of Truth": Is Catherine divorced or widowed? For some reason I was under the assumption that she was still married to Jackson's father. I guess not; otherwise she would be more worried about him seeing her with Webber. On a completely different note, writers, please don't ruin April. Rating: 3 lucky pencils
Degrassi - "Hollaback Girl, Part 1": Nice attempt at getting me to like Bianca, show. It's not going to work. You did succeed in making me like Katie even less, though, so if that was one of your goals, you did that right. P.S. Please make Marisol fall off the CN Tower. Kthxbai. Rating: 3 Oxys
The first two sections were great, and I couldn't read them fast enough. Then it turned weird. I'm still not exactly sure of everything that happened.
I think the reason I've never tried any of Anne Lamott's fiction is that I get enough out of her non-fiction. I've been reading it since college, and with few exceptions, I always enjoy her books and come away with them with one or two things that will stick with me.
one no one goes home: People, stop being so shocked. There are only seven people left, and they're all good singers, so obviously someone good is going to go home each week. (Well, not this week.) Jessica is a great singer, but she's boring. And it's your fault for not voting for her anyway, so nyah. Rating: 4 unnecessary gasps from the audience
The concept of this book was good, but the execution...not so much. There was just no reason for any of it to happen.
Yes, you have to suspend your disbelief a little, but it's a really fun book with some good twists. I'll definitely read more from Pavone.
Another great one from Jacobs. I feel smarter having read this.