April, 2019

April 3rd, 8:11 p.m. - Jennifer Traig, please write more books

15. Act Natural (Jennifer Traig)
This was very Mary Roach-ish. It was extremely informative, but in an entertaining way. I love Traig's writing style so much.

Up next: The Hiding Place (C.J. Tudor)

April 6th, 2019, 1:27 p.m. - "Amy, why would you want to be president?" "So I could nuke America"

Barry – "The Show Must Go On, Probably?": My weekly dose of Noho Hank is back! I miss Janice, though. But the new female cop seems entertaining. Rating: 4 pairs of green shorts

Veep – "Iowa": And my weekly dose of Richard Splett is back, too! Actually, a lot of great characters are back. I can't wait for another round of the Selina/Tom James battle. Rating: 4 beards Mike really needs to shave off

Modern Family – "Yes-Woman": I was skeptical at the beginning of the episode, but it turned out okay. Amy Pietz needs to be in more things. I wish they hadn't killed her off of The Magicians. Rating: 3 trivia competition trophies

The Magicians – "The 4-1-1": This dragged a little, but I appreciate two things: 1) another bear mention and 2) the return of Mayakovsky. Who doesn't love Mayakovsky? (Answer: Emily.) Rating: 3 unnecessary knots

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 83": But, like...what if Michael's faking amnesia for some reason? Wouldn't that be a great twist? Just throwing that out there. Rating: 4 divorce papers not actually eaten by a dog

Supernatural – "Game Night": I was bored by the first half (I just...don't care about Donatello), but I liked the second half. Can we please be done with Lucifer for good now? Yeah, probably not. Rating: 3 necklaces that may or may not indicate God's presence

Abby's – "Rule Change": Exactly what I wanted – more info on the rules. I really like this cast. They do great at making you feel like they've known each other for years. Rating: 4 badly thrown bocce balls

Speechless – "THE S-T-A-STAIRCASE": I always forget about Joyce when she's not on, but she's pretty fun. Also, yay for Logan! We need more Logan! Rating: 4 loft beds

April 8th, 8:13 p.m. - Remember how much I liked C.J. Tudor's first book? That's how much I disliked this one

16. The Hiding Place (C.J. Tudor)
It's slow, and there are too many mysteries, and then it suddenly veers into the supernatural and just completely rips off Stephen King. Next!

Up next: Sounds Like Titanic (Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman)

April 13th, 11:50 a.m. - Fakin' it

17. Sounds Like Titanic (Jessica Chiccehitto Hindman)
This story is bonkers. How did a musical ensemble get away with not actually playing music...for years? Did they not make the members sign non-disclosures to reveal the secret? I guess not, since Hindman blows the (penny)whistle. I can't imagine getting paid to be a professional musician while not performing any music. BONKERS!

Up next: Good Talk (Mira Jacob)

April 14th, 2019, 3:43 p.m. - "Do your parents have any money? Are they coming to visit you today?" "They did in the accident." "That isn't very helpful to me, Gabriel"

Killing Eve – "Do You Know How to Dispose of a Body?": I should have seen Gabriel's death coming. I just figured that Villanelle would convince him to kill himself. Silly me! Here's hoping for a great season. Rating: 4 pairs of too-short pajamas

Barry – "The Power of No": Ooh, Fuches turning on Barry is a great development. Except...it'll probably lead to Barry killing him, which will deprive us all of the wonder that is Stephen Root. So I can't get behind this. Rating: 4 organic fruit stands

Veep – "Discovery Weekend": I really can't decide if Tom declared his love for Selina because it's real or because he wanted to screw with her. All I know for sure is that his affair with "his Amy" is completely unsurprising. Rating: 4 #NotMe "confessions" from women who went out with Jonah

Modern Family – "Can't Elope": Haley should be with Andy, and I'll never change my mind about that. Ever. Rating: 4 credit cards I'd really like to know how Lily got

The Magicians – "The Secret Sea": I find the Julia monster much less annoying than the Eliot monster. Hey, so is Fen going to get to do anything else this season? Why has she been sidelined? Rating: 4 Josh fish

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 84": Most of this was...we'll say underwhelming, but I may have made excited dolphin noises when Michael started remembering stuff. Rating: 3 fishing poles

Supernatural – "Absence": Of course Mary's dead. The show had gone, like, three weeks without killing a woman. Whatever, she lived a season and a half longer than I expected. Rating: 3 pointless black-and-white flashbacks

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Casecation": There's absolutely no way – NO WAY – that Amy didn't make Jake discuss having children for at least three hours before they got married. NO WAY. In other news, yay for the return of Kevin, and Julia Sweeney was perfectly cast. Rating: 4 debate-related dings

Abby's – "Free Alcohol Day": How is everyone so enjoyable? Just...how is that possible? I don't know, but I'll keep appreciating it. Rating: 4 secret cats

Speechless – "U-N-R-UNREALISTIC": J.J. going to school in New York is never going to work for the show, so I'm guessing he'll end up back in California within the first three episodes of the next season. If there is a next season. Oh, I don't want to think about that. Rating: 4 drafting pencils

April 17th, 6:16 p.m. - Good book

18. Good Talk (Mira Jacob)
Every parent of a non-white child should read this book. Heck, every parent should read it. And every non-parent. Okay, just...everyone read this book.

Up next: All You Can Ever Know (Nicole Chung)

April 20th, 2019, 1:17 p.m. - "Know what, Thomas Friedman? You are bad at writing, and nobody likes you"

Killing Eve – "Nice and Neat": It's weird hoping that the ruthless killer isn't harmed by the creepy man she's chosen to trust. I hope his mom is okay. Rating: 4 dolls

Game of Thrones – "Winterfell": We got the one scene I really wanted, Jon and Arya's reunion, so I'm good with whatever happens the rest of the season. Okay, not really. If anything happens to Bronn, Brienne, or Davos, I'll cry. Rating: 5 secret weapons Gendry's making for Arya

Barry – "Past Equals Present x Future Over Yesterday": I need a gif of Noho Hank dancing on the roof so I can watch it over and over for the rest of the year. Rating: 5 storage spaces-turned-homes, to be dressed up with Ikea furnishings

Veep – "Pledge": Amy working for Jonah? I'm intrigued. I also foresee Catherine jumping ship to go work for Kemi. Rating: 4 chants Selina couldn't get started

The Magicians – "No Better to Be Safe Than Sorry": So you're telling me that for the rest of my life, any time I hear "Take On Me," I'm going to sob uncontrollably? Fantastic. Also, too bad they've written Jason Ralph out because he was great in this episode. Rating: 4 pieces of cake

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 85": YEAH, LET'S MAKE THIS ABOUT RAFAEL. P.S. Aww, Petra and J.R. Good for them. Rating: 4 cubanos Michael still doesn't like

Supernatural – "Jack in the Box": This all can only be leading to the return of Chuck, right? I don't know what else could happen. Also, if you have Jim Beaver for the episode, give Jim Beaver something to do. Rating: 3 worms

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "The Bimbo": There were so many good lines in this episode. And I was very excited for Kevin's return. I'm not sold on the beard, though. Rating: 5 accidental paintball shootings

Abby's – "Book Club": Neil Flynn is a national treasure and I'm not sure we've done enough to show him how much we as a country admire him. Let's get on that. Rating: 4 steaks (no sides)

April 22nd, 2019, 6:17 p.m. - No, she never explains why she uses her birth family's last name

19. All You Can Ever Know (Nicole Chung)
I don't think I'm the right audience for this book, but it would be a good read for adoptees and parents of adoptees, especially non-white ones.

Up next: Fraternity (Alexandra Robbins)

April 27th, 2019, 1:30 p.m. - "Don't worry – I look amazing"

Killing Eve – "The Hungry Caterpillar": If loving that Villanelle and Konstantin are working together again is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Rating: 4 lipsticks with hidding blades

Game of Thrones – "A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms": YEAH, Arya. You have your priorities in order. By the way, if you, Brienne, Davos, or Bronn die, I'll be emotionally devastated. Rating: 4 more-than-half drinks for Pod

Barry – "What?!": I was sure this episode would end with Barry killing Sam, and Sally getting busted for it. Instead, I yelled, "What?!" along with Barry, because that ending was INSANE. Rating: 4 dropped suitcases

Veep – "South Carolina": Best parts of this episode: a) Keegan-Michael Key, b) Marjorie being a better Gary than Gary, c) Amy going full Kellyanne Conway, and d) doing Jonah's anti-math chant in my living room. Rating: 4 heroic acts by Richard

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 86": I'm surprised Rogelio didn't think that Darci would want to move to Mexico with Esteban. That whole plan was ridiculous. Speaking of Rogelio, can we have some Rogelio/Michael scenes, please? Rating: 3 fake unicorns

Supernatural – "Moriah": At the end of a mediocre season, this was a solid, entertaining finale. I was thrilled to see Chuck again, but it sure looks like he's the villain of the series now. And am I wrong in guessing that that scene with Billie means Jack is now Lucifer? Rating: 4 yogurts that guy was really passionate about

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Tickling Clocks": I figured Sean Astin's character was the bad guy, but it still worked well. They hammered the real-time thing a little too hard, though. Rating: 4 lasagnas

Abby's – "Mail Bin": If my father named me Abelarda, I wouldn't talk to him, either. Rating: 4 Pop Dogs

April 28th, 2019, 5:46 p.m. - [Insert joke about how it's all Greek to me]

20. All You Can Ever Know (Alexandra Robbins)
Fraternities and sororities make no sense to me. If you want to make a bunch of friends, join a club! Don't binge drink and suffer through hazing! You're all crazy!

Up next: The Recovering (Leslie Jamison)

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