December, 2012
December 2nd, 2012, 5:26 p.m. - "No big deal, but don't do that again. It's gross"
The Amazing Race - "Fishy Kiss": Once again, the U-Turn has led to a lot of discussion. I personally don't have anything against anyone using it. It's part of the game, so if it offers a strategic advantage, you might as well use it. You need every advantage you can get. And Abbie and Ryan were big threats; if this was the best way to take them down, why not do it? Anyway, I'm rooting for anyone but Natalie and Nadiya to win, but I'm mostly backing the Chippendales. Who knew they would turn out to be so charming? Rating: 4 herring
Homeland - "Two Hats": I have no idea where this season is going and I don't care. I'm just enjoying the ride every single week. Rating: 4 buses for meeting with one's secret black ops supervisor
How I Met Your Mother - "Twelve Horny Women": Eh. Some good stuff, some not-so-good stuff. I don't think Marshall's qualified to be a judge. I appreciated the Wire reference, though. Rating: 3 trophies for being a good hotel guest
Modern Family - "When a Tree Falls": I saw a picture of Cam in the Cats costume, then forgot about it until it came up in the episode. It was still awesome. Possibly the most awesome thing on TV this week. Rating: 4 bad pictures of Alex
Top Chef - "50's Food Flashback": C.J. really dodged a bullet this week. And he was spared over Carla! It's a late November/early December miracle! By the way, the two Canlises were awesome. I'd love to hang out with them and hear stories about the '50s. Rating: 4 depressing salads
The Big Bang Theory - "The Parking Spot Escalation": Bernadette hasn't gotten to do much this season, so I loved that she got to make up for that a little this week. She cracks me up. Her and Amy's rivalry made Sheldon and Howard's rivalry even funnier. Rating: 4 pairs of headphones that aren't really noise-cancelling
Glee - "Thanksgiving": Me, to myself, at least five times during the episode: "Am I on crack?" Oh, wait, that's just the writers. And whoever chose this week's songs. Rating: 2 confetti cannons
Grey's Anatomy - "I Was Made for Lovin' You": Yay for Arizona and Callie getting to be happy! And Derek and Meredith! Um, for now, at least. I'm sure that won't last. Rating: 4 big-sister T-shirts
December 8th, 2012, 12:49 p.m. - "You son of a me"
The Amazing Race - "Not a Well-Rounded Athlete": Oh, we were soooo close to getting rid of the twins. Soooo close. Rating: 4 windmill slats
Homeland - "Broken Hearts": This was...not a good turn for the show. It's getting harder to have sympathy for Brody. Well, and Carrie, too, because come on. If you're going to go after a terrorist by yourself after you were specifically warned not to, and all you have is a piece of pipe, at least be stealthy! Rating: 3 pacemaker control...thingies
How I Met Your Mother - "Lobster Crawl": A lot of people hated this episode, but I thought it was the best of the season. Maybe I'm dumb, but I prefer to believe that everyone else needs to calm down. Just calm down and look at the baby. Isn't he cute? Don't be mad at the cute baby. Rating: 5 good-attitude lollipops
Top Chef - "Pike Place Pickle": And there goes C.J. Boo! And we know it's Gail's fault! Double boo! I'm rooting for Lizzie now. I've liked her since the first episode. Rating: 4 pieces of salmon candy (ew)
The Big Bang Theory - "The Fish Guts Displacement": I liked both plots, which doesn't always happen. And I was glad to see Bernadette's father again, and now her mother. More of them, please! Rating: 4 worms
Glee - "Swan Song": Despite the fact that they completely bypassed any follow-up to the Marley/Kitty story, I thought this was a good episode with some great music choices. Also, Melanie Moore and Alex Wong from So You Think You Can Dance were in the background of Cassie and Rachel's dance-off, which was awesome. Rating: 4 Cheerios
Grey's Anatomy - "Love Turns You Upside Down": I don't care about Jo or Leah, and I can take or leave Stephanie and Ross, but I'd love for Heather to get a bigger role. First of all, Tina Majorino is awesome. And second of all, the scene where she was juggling all the phone calls was even more awesome. She could be the new Lexie, right? Rating: 4 super-top-secret ultrasound appointments
December 10th, 2012, 9:26 p.m. - The only book I'll ever read with those words in the title
44. Shades of Grey (Jasper Fforde)
Up next: The Well of Lost Plots (Jasper Fforde)
December 15th, 2012, 1:46 - "Some men are born into greatness. Some have it chucked at their face"
The Amazing Race - "Take Down That Million": The results were the exact opposite of what I expected. Talk about a twist ending. This was mostly a good season, though. And the twins lost – ha ha! Rating: 4 flags
Homeland - "The Mother... With a Turban": That was like a season finale. The scenes with Carrie hiding in the mill were perfectly suspenseful. I won't be surprised if Brody doesn't make it out of the real season finale, but if that happens, I don't know where the show will go next. I'm sticking with it no matter what, though. Rating: 4 leaking cartons of milk (shut up, Dana)
How I Met Your Mother - "The Over-Correction": Loved all the callbacks in this episode. But it's time to get Barney and Robin together so we can get away from all of Robin's craziness over them. It's gotten tiresome. Rating: 4 "property of Ted Mosby" labels
Modern Family - "Diamond in the Rough": The Phil/Mitchell back-and-forth was awesome, especially Mitchell petting the cat like a Bond villain. I don't think I like where their plot is going, though. Rating: 4 group text messages
Top Chef - "Even the Famous Come Home": Chris Pratt and Anna Faris were great guests, and their families seemed terrific. I also really liked the guest judge at the Quickfire. Sometimes it's nice to switch things up with a nonfamous judge. Rating: 5 unusable knives
The Big Bang Theory - "The Santa Simulation": Great stuff in both stories. I especially loved Sheldon's dream at the end. Great tag. Rating: 4 vengeful Santas
Glee - "Glee, Actually": Holy crap, was that bad. I would rather watch It's a Wonderful Life than watch this episode again. And I hate that movie. P.S. If they kill Burt, I'm done. Rating: 2 perfume bottles used as Christmas ornaments
Grey's Anatomy - "Run, Baby, Run": The preview people are mean. They made it look like Cristina was telling Owen she wants a divorce. Doesn't look like it! It also doesn't look like Bailey and Ben are going to make it, which, BOOOOO. Rating: 3 high heels
December 20th, 2012, 9:54 p.m. - "In the words of the almighty Destiny's Child, say my name, say my name!"
Homeland - "The Choice": I definitely didn't see anything in this episode coming. I like the way they've set things up for Brody to possibly come back, and given Carrie a plot for next season (proving his innocence). But at the same time, it's still unclear what will come next. A good wrap-up to a great season. Rating: 4 exploding cars
How I Met Your Mother - "The Final Page": I'm such a sucker for a good marriage proposal. And I loved the jinx stuff in the first hour. And Seth Green! The second hour dragged a little, but I was still pleased over all. Rating: 5 hacky sacks
Top Chef - "Foiled Again": Yay, Lizzie! Yay, Kristen, who I also really like! I'm so happy she gets to go to Korea. She has an excellent chance of becoming the second female winner, and I would love to see it happen. Rating: 4 tayberries, whatever those are
December 22nd, 2012, 12:17 p.m. - English majors, rejoice!
45. The Well of Lost Plots (Jasper Fforde)
Up next: Something Rotten (Jasper Fforde)
December 27th, 2012, 12:47 p.m. - "Namaste, b!%@#&$"
Top Chef - "Jalapeno Business": Shut up, Josie. Shut up, Josie. Shut up, Josie. Rating: 4 oysters
December 30th, 2012, 5:42 p.m. - LANDEN! Yay!
46. Something Rotten (Jasper Fforde)
Up next: One Breath Away (Heather Gudenkauf)
December 31st, 2012, 12:40 p.m. - Annual year-end book wrap-up!
The best: Lisa Lutz's Trail of the Spellmans, A.J. Jacobs' Drop Head Healthy, Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Jasper Fforde's Something Rotten
The worst: Jennifer Miller's The Year of the Gadfly, Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl
Book that Entertainment Weekly named one of the ten best that I disagreed with the most: Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl
Favorite characters: Big (A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty), Demetrius Merriweather (Trail of the Spellmans), Fred Finkel (Trail of the Spellmans), Ray Lovell (The Invisible Ones), JJ Smith (The Invisible Ones), Sophie Argall (Gold), Jack Argall (Gold), Rory Mackenzie (Ransom River), Jo Beckett (The Dirty Secrets Club, The Memory Collector, The Liar's Lullaby, The Nightmare Thief), Amy Tang (same), Thursday Next (The Eyre Affair, Lost in a Good Book, The Well of Lost Plots, Something Rotten), Friday Next (Something Rotten)
Least favorite characters: Amy Elliott Dunne (Gone Girl), Zoe Castle (Gold), Annick Swenson (State of Wonder)
Book that most lived up to its hype: Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened
Book that least lived up to its hype: Ann Patchett's State of Wonder
Book I was looking forward to that didn't disappoint: A.J. Jacobs' Drop Dead Healthy
Book I was looking forward to that really disappointed: Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl
Good book, good title: Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Simon Rich's What in God's Name
Good book, bad title: Jasper Fforde's Shades of Grey
Bad book, good title: Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl (are you catching the theme here?)
Bad book, bad title: Jennifer Miller's The Year of the Gadfly
Books I'm most looking forward to in 2013: Joe Hill's NOS4A2, Lisa Lutz's The Last Word, David Sedaris' Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls, Mary Roach's Gulp, Meg Gardiner's The Shadow Tracer, Karin Slaughter's Unseen
And the books I read in 2012 and what I learned from them:
1. A perfect score in Pac-Man is 3,333,360. (Ready Player One, Ernest Cline)
Not as good as the Thursday Next books – there was a lot to wade through, including way too many characters. But it's a vivid (heh) world and very different from most stories set in the future. There are supposed to be sequels, and I'll probably read them, but I'm glad to return to Fforde's other universe. Next!
It gets a little messy toward the end, but this is my favorite of the Thursday Next series so far. The English major in me especially enjoyed it.
Never mind – this is my favorite of the Thursday Next series so far. Friday is awesome.
2. The best revenge is getting into real estate. (The Virgin of Small Plains, Nancy Pickard)
3. A paper cup with a little bit of pina colada in it can be stored in a closet for months without attracting ants. (A Grown-Up Kind of Pretty, Joshilyn Jackson)
4. Staying up all night is called breaking night. (Random Family, Adrian Nicole LeBlanc)
5. The words "genie" and "jinn" are related. (The Mirage, Matt Ruff)
6. Most computer guys are named Robbie. (Trail of the Spellmans, Lisa Lutz)
7. Wolves are born deaf and blind. (Lone Wolf, Jodi Picoult)
8. When a wasp stings, it removes a portion of its own abdomen. (Threats, Amelia Gray)
9. The Danube flows through ten countries. (The Vanishers, Heidi Julavits)
10. Time travel is possible but probably too much effort for it to be worth it. (The Man from Primrose Lane, James Renner)
11. "Baba nam kevalam" means, basically, "love is all there is." (Some Assembly Required, Anne Lamott with Sam Lamott)
12. Depression makes you want to go to bed, but staying in bed leads to depression. (Bed, David Whitehouse)
13. No U.S. president has been an only child. (The Expats, Chris Pavone)
14. Flossing can add around six years to your life. (Drop Dead Healthy, A.J. Jacobs)
15. Edward R. Murrow had an affair with Winston Churchill's daughter-in-law. (The Year of the Gadfly, Jennifer Miller)
16. A solar eclipse is more accurately called an occultation. (The Strain, Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan)
17. Django Reinhardt played the guitar better after his hand was damaged in a fire. (The Lola Quartet, Emily St. John Mandel)
18. Kelsey Grammer owes his fame to Mandy Patinkin, who recommended him to a casting director. (Top of the Rock, Warren Littlefield)
19. Gypsies don't have sinks. (The Invisible Ones, Stef Penney)
20. I learned how to clear a deer, but I don't want to talk about it. (Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Jenny Lawson)
21. Cat food can be used as catfish bait. (Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn)
22. A nautical mile is about 265 yards longer than a regular mile. (The Magician King, Lev Grossman)
23. In a duel, it's against the rules to shoot the dueler's second. (Niceville, Carsten Stroud)
24. The hyoid is the only bone in the human body that doesn't form a joint. (Criminal, Karin Slaughter)
25. Olympic medals are 60 millimeters in diameter. (Gold, Chris Cleave)
26. Never read in a baseball dugout. (The Art of Fielding, Chad Harbach)
27. You can't plead guilty to murder in Massachusetts. All murder cases go to trial. (Defending Jacob, William Landay)
28. If you call for paramedics in L.A., you will actually get firefighters. (Man Made, Joel Stein)
29. The U.S. $100 is the most counterfeited bill on the planet. (Ransom River, Meg Gardiner)
30. Your admission into Heaven is based on how well you can skip rocks. (What in God's Name, Simon Rich)
31. A psychological autopsy examines the life of a dead person to help determine a cause of death. (The Dirty Secrets Club, Meg Gardiner)
32. Research says that gray, light blue, and dark green are colors people associate with science and technology. (White Teeth, Zadie Smith)
33. Airplane oxygen masks only provide about ten minutes' worth of oxygen. (The Memory Collector, Meg Gardiner)
34. When manic, people with bipolar disorder can create elaborate puzzles. (The Liar's Lullaby, Meg Gardiner)
35. If you're bitten by a venomous snake, you should keep the bite below your heart so the venom has less of a chance to cycle through your bloodstream. (The Nightmare Thief, Meg Gardiner)
36. Your wisdom teeth must be removed before you can go to the South Pole. (Where'd You Go, Bernadette, Maria Semple)
37. The Frames song "Mighty Sword" contains a pause that lasts for a minute and 14 seconds. (A Visit from the Goon Squad, Jennifer Egan)
38. Prison writing teachers are well-paid. (The Keep, Jennifer Egan)
39. The U.S. and the Philippines are the only countries with bail bondsmen. (The Prophet, Michael Koryta)
40. The anti-malaria drug Lariam can cause nightmares and hallucinations. (State of Wonder, Ann Patchett)
41. "Bombinating" means buzzing. ("Who Could That Be at This Hour?", Lemony Snicket)
42. Uranus' moons are named after Shakespearean characters. (The Eyre Affair, Jasper Fforde)
43. Edgar Allan Poe only made $9 for The Raven. (Lost in a Good Book, Jasper Fforde)
44. Gamboge, gordini, fandango, carmine, and brunswick are all colors. (Shades of Grey, Jasper Fforde)
45. Jasper Fforde may have predicted the e-reader. (The Well of Lost Plots, Jasper Fforde)
46. Even Hamlet doesn't know Hamlet's motives. (Something Rotten, Jasper Fforde)