February, 2011
February 2nd, 2011, 9:57 p.m. - Sorry, groundhog, you've been replaced
"'I'll Just Be an Armadillo the Rest of My Life'"
February 5th, 2011, 1:08 p.m. - Poor Lexie. Poor Tre. Poor us
American Idol - Austin and L.A. auditions: Huge boos for the L.A. audition episode, in which we only saw five people go through, only three of which were actually memorable. Booo! BOOOOOOOO! Rating: 3 hours of my life I want back, even though there were only two hours of the show this week
Top Chef - "An Offer They Can't Refuse": Awww, Tre. I don't think he deserved that. But yay for all three women, who rocked the elimination challenge. It's a good thing the challenge didn't look for one winner and one elimination candidate from each team, because one of the women would have been scared about going home for no reason. I also enjoyed Mike being taken down a notch. I could never be unhappy about that. And everyone needs to shut up about Antonia winning with her supposedly simple dish. Guys, simple or not, she beat you. Maybe that means you're doing too much. Rating: 4 potato trees
Grey's Anatomy - "Don't Deceive Me (Please Don't Go)": Poor Lexie. I think she'll get over it, though. Or sleep with Jackson. Either way, I'm fine. I do wish that Derek had said something to Meredith about her not being favored for things like the trial just because she's his wife. It worked out in the end, but come on, Meredith. Maybe Alex was just better than you. Wait, take out that "maybe." Rating: 4 placebo injections
The Office - "The Search": I'm a sucker for romance and a sweet, happy ending, so of course I liked this episode. Michael and Holly not being together made no sense anyway. Rating: 4 Sticky Quips
February 9th, 2011, 9:45 p.m. - Okay, show. I love James Durbin. YOU WIN
February 11th, 2011, 6:52 p.m. - "I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled"
Glee - "The Sue Sylvester Bowl Shuffle": I liked the "Thriller"/"Heads Will Roll" performance, but not much else. This episode was trying too hard. Dear any show that ever gets the post-Super Bowl spot: If you can't top Alias or House's episodes, don't even bother. Rating: 3 cannons
House - "Family Practice": Like the Glee episode, I felt like this was overhyped. Why does Martha still want to work for House? Isn't she a genius? Why isn't she smart enough to realize he's the world's worst boss? Rating: 3 artificial hips
How I Met Your Mother - "Oh Honey": I liked the storytelling device in this episode. Katy Perry wasn't too great, though. Maybe the show should stop with the high-profile guest stars and focus on the characters and writing? That's why this season has been so good up until now. Rating: 4 disposable cell phones
Glee - "Silly Love Songs": A couple of thumbs-down song choices here, but also some great ones. I loved Puck singing Queen to Lauren, and Blaine did great with "When I Get You Alone." Oh, and confession time: I love "Firework." I also appreciate that they might actually let Rachel be single for a while. I don't get why people always have to paired off on TV. That's just not realistic. Also unrealistic: Why anyone wants to be with Quinn. And Blaine's complete cluelessness. I was hoping his story about liking the Gap guy was a lie and he was just trying to surprise Kurt. Sadly, I was wrong. Rating: 4 kisses
American Idol - San Francisco auditions and Hollywood: Up until this week, I had no horse to back. Enter James Durbin. Let's hope he can do what Adam Lambert couldn't. Also, Victoria's gone, so this season is already looking up. Rating: 4 awesome Autobot costumes
Modern Family - "Bixby's Back": I usually really like Phil and Claire's plots, but I felt like they had the weak one this time around. And I wish we'd gotten more of the kids' plot. But I do appreciate the continuity. Rating: 3 nametags
Top Chef - "Feeding Fallon": Who doesn't love Carla? She always strikes me as a dark horse, and I have to remind myself that she made the finals on her original season. She could easily do it again. But I think Dale's going to win, recent stumbles notwithstanding. Rating: 4 chicken potpies
Grey's Anatomy - "P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)": So...where is this season going? The first half was all about everyone recovering from the shooting, but now...what? I feel like I need to be sure there's some direction here. Rating: 3 peanut butter cups
The Office - "PDA": See, this is a show that has direction, even though it's obvious where the season will end up. Who knew we just needed Amy Ryan to make Michael seem less annoying? Rating: 4 cookie clues
February 12th, 2011, 12:27 p.m. - And now, a message from your sponsor
I've been reading The Instructions for a couple of weeks now, and even though I'm really liking it, it's huge, and my big stack o' books is getting neglected. So I'm going to switch to Kevin Brockmeier's The Illumination and make The Instructions a when-I-have-time book. (In retrospect, I should've saved it for this summer, when I'll have an uninterrupted week at the beach to read.) I'll write about it when I finish. If I ever finish. 2013!
February 16th, 2011, 11:02 p.m. - I'm weirdly proud of my bumper paragraph
February 19th, 2011, 12:42 p.m. - "This was what the world was: the one and only place where things could still happen for the first time"
4. The Illumination (Kevin Brockmeier)
Up next: Packing for Mars (Mary Roach)
2:09 p.m. - "There's close, and then there's Glenn Close"
Desperate Housewives - "Flashback": I have to wonder the same thing I wondered about Grey's Anatomy last week: where is this season going? We know who shot Paul, and it had nothing to do with the other plot. In fact, Paul is hardly a player right now, and Beth is nowhere to be seen. So what's going on? Eh, at least I'm entertained. Rating: 4 stalker scrapbooks
House - "You Must Remember This": I'm pretty sure being able to remember every single minute detail about one's life has nothing to do with obsessive-compulsive behavior, but whatever. At least they're slowly but surely making Taub completely unlikable! Yay! Rating: 3 black-market tests
How I Met Your Mother - "Desperation Day": I could try less to care about Zoey, but I don't feel like putting forth the effort. The rest of the episode was good, though. Rating: 4 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches...with the crusts on
Glee - "Comeback": So, so bad. Schmaltzy, cheesy, all sorts of other -ys that had me cringing the whole hour. Rachel and Mercedes did absolutely no justice to a great Rent song, and the only performance I actually liked, "Sing," was so overacted that I couldn't really enjoy it. With the exception of Lauren and Santana, a waste of an hour. Rating: 2 carousel-horse sweaters
American Idol - Hollywood week, parts 2 and 3: Jacob Lusk for the win! Rating: 4 upright basses
Survivor - "You're Looking at the New Leader of Our Tribe": Minus one point for Russell being back on my TV. Everything else was awesome. Thank goodness for Redemption Island because Francesca was great and I didn't want to see her gone forever. Here's hoping Ralph pushes Russell over the edge. Rating: 4 pairs of tiny fuchsia briefs
Modern Family - "Princess Party": Matt Dillon was great in this episode. And I loved semi-stoned Gloria. Only problem: not enough Fizbo, and we didn't get to see Phil freak out at seeing him. Rating: 4 giant pairs of shoes
Top Chef - "Lock Down": So are we all agreed that Dale and Antonia will be in the final three? With probably Richard or Carla as the third? Okay, then. Rating: 3 Target dogs
Grey's Anatomy - "Golden Hour": I'm surprised the show hasn't done this kind of episode before. It was a great glimpse at what goes on in an emergency room. My only issue was how telegraphed the heart patient's death was. I would have loved a twist where they caught his condition in time and saved him. Rating: 5 floor tickets
The Office - "Threat Level Midnight": Where to begin? In a word: awesome. I loved the cameos from past characters, I loved the numerous movie clichés, and I loved Michael realizing that the movie was crap but enjoying it anyway. Now I want to watch it again. Rating: 5 exploding hockey pucks
February 20th, 2011, 10:24 p.m. - Thanks for the screener, CBS!
"'Second Chances Don't Come Free'"
February 23rd, 2011, 10:56 p.m. - I wanted to be Kendra Chantelle tonight. But only so I could sing with Paul McDonald
February 27th, 2011, 4:32 p.m. - My DVR hates me
The Amazing Race - "Head Down and Hold On": I'm mostly on board with all the casting this season. The whole "unfinished business" thing has been stretched, but it's better than calling them all-stars. And I'm very happy to see some of these people again (especially Mike and Mel). I also appreciate them switching things up a little, like with the forced U-Turn and the first leg being a double. After 18 (!) seasons, you can't keep doing the same things over and over. Rating: 4 sharks
Desperate Housewives - "Farewell Letter": So we're all in agreement that Beth is going to kill herself in the next episode, right? That's what I thought. Rating: 3 nacho platters named after Gaby
House - "Two Stories": Or, as I thought it should be called, "Is House Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" I was surprised to learn that a number of people didn't really like this episode, because I loved it. Very creative, very funny, and an attempt at something new that I thought they definitely pulled off. I don't know, maybe my standards are low. Rating: 5 movie references
How I Met Your Mother - "Garbage Island": Yeah, I knew there was no way Zoey could be the mother. None of the hints Ted has dropped about meeting the mother applied to Zoey. Also, he mentioned that he forgot her cousin's name after the events of "Oh Honey" - why would he forget his wife's cousin's name? So now that we have confirmation that Ted and Zoey's relationship doesn't work out, how many more episodes are they going to subject us to it? I'd much rather focus on Barney and Nora. Rating: 3 mustaches
Glee - "Blame It on the Alcohol": Well...it was better than last week's episode. Not that that's saying much. I didn't like any of the song choices this week. And in what world is "Tik Tok" an appropriate song for an anti-alcohol assembly? Or anywhere? I did laugh at "Ke-dollar-sign-Ha," though. Rating: 3 wine coolers
American Idol - Final performances and top 24 announced: I'm pleased with most of the top 24, especially Paul, Tim, Jacob, Naima, and Casey. I also really appreciate that we've seen everyone in the top 24 at least twice before. No one is coming in with that almost-insurmountable disadvantage of no one knowing who he/she is. That said, they really, really need to work on shortening these episodes. We did NOT need three hours to learn who the top 24 were. Rating: 3 names added to my spellchecker for the season
Survivor - "You Own My Vote": Phillip isn't for real, right? Because I don't think I want to live in a world where someone like him is for real. It scares me. I'm going to have to back Ralph for taking Russell's precious idol without him even realizing. I can't wait to see what happens with that. Rating: 3 crabs
America's Next Top Model - "Erin Wasson": Let's get something straight, Tyra: The casting episode is one of the most entertaining episodes of any season. Don't take that away from us. Especially since now we know very little about these girls. And I can't tell most of them apart. But this is still my favorite guilty-pleasure show, and I always look forward to it. Rating: 4 giant plastic balls
Modern Family - "Regrets Only": I'm so stealing "air bunnies." Rating: 4 wedge salads
Top Chef - "For the Gulf": NO FREAKING WAY. I was so sure Dale was going to win the whole season! As much as I love Tiffany, I think she should have gone over Dale. Heck, anyone should have gone over Dale, mostly so I could be right. Now I don't know who's going to win. Blais? Antonia? It's anyone's game. Rating: 3 white shrimps (hee hee hee)
Grey's Anatomy - "Not Responsible": So this was basically the sequel to last week's episode, except with Lexie and Jackson getting together? Thanks, guys. Rating: 3 stolen fries
The Office - "Todd Packer": As much as I hate Todd, his return was a good idea. There are some loose ends to tie up before Carell leaves, and Todd is one of them. Jim and Dwight's plans were lame, though. Pam and Andy's sub-sub-plot was kind of funny, but most of this episode fell flat for me. Rating: 3 busted computers
9:34 p.m. - If they played off the losing team, the comparison would be complete
February 28th, 2011, 11:08 p.m. - I love you, Mary Roach
5. Packing for Mars (Mary Roach)
Up next: Sing You Home (Jodi Picoult)
Brockmeier is such an underrated, overlooked writer (most people have probably never heard of him). The Brief History of the Dead is one of my favorite books. The Illumination is just as beautiful and memorable.
I think I learned more from this book than I did in four years of college. So, so, SO good.