January, 2011
January 6th, 2011, 10:21 p.m. - "Sweet Valley High!"
Desperate Housewives - "Assassins": Hey, commercials? You said we were going to find out who shot Paul. We didn't. STOP LYING TO ME. Rating: 3 oatmeal cookies
How I Met Your Mother - "Bad News": So sad! If only the numbers had been counting down to a slap. Rating: 5 secret toupees
Modern Family - "Slow Down Your Neighbors": There were so many laugh-out-loud moments in this episode: Barry and Cameron in the princess castle, Claire doing Jay's laces/mirror/bell check before taking off after the speeder, Phil giving me a new go-to exclamation, Luke...okay, everything Luke. But why isn't Alex in every episode? Rating: 4 squirt guns
Top Chef - "Dim Sum Lose Sum": This may have been the funniest Top Chef episode ever. I couldn't stop laughing at Fabio telling us about taking his turtle for walks on a Chihuahua leash. And everyone's reaction to Jamie announcing she wanted to make scallops was great. My only disappointment (other than Jamie not going home, of course) was that Casey didn't go all Jen when she was eliminated, since I really thought that's where things were headed. Rating: 5 turtles
Grey's Anatomy - "Disarm": I thought I would like this episode a lot more than I did, but this has been such a great season that it doesn't really matter. Maybe I was just caught off-guard by the fact that no one died, and everyone ended up happy (well, not Callie and Arizona). The moment I enjoyed the most happened to be just seconds long: When Bailey was trying to save her patient, who we'd been introduced to as Chuck, she called him Charles, as in Percy, the patient she couldn't save during the hospital shooting. She didn't want to lose another Charles. Rating: 4 toasts to a marriage that was a really bad idea
January 13th, 2011, 10:05 p.m. - Cool, I'm psychic!
Desperate Housewives - "Where Do I Belong": Lynette playing pranks on Tom seemed out of character. I also don't get why she's okay with hanging out with Renee knowing she slept with Tom. I'd just like to state for the record that I called Susan's mom being sick; I figured that had to be why she wouldn't get tested for a transplant. I also called the delivery guy being Zach, but that was kind of a given. At least he showed up - I was wondering if they were going to bring him back. Rating: 3 dolls
Modern Family - "Our Children, Ourselves": Eh. A waste of Mary Lynn Rajskub. Claire and Phil's plot was the only one I thought was really funny. Rating: 3 croctopi
Top Chef - "We're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat": Having the chefs catch fish for the challenge was risky. It would suck to be DQ'd or have to struggle to get fish if a team hadn't caught any. I love that Carla's doing so well; I really liked her in her original season, and it's nice to see her doing just as well this time around. Same with Antonia, who I liked the first time around as well. If Tiffany can step it up, I'll be pleased a third time. I just can't believe Tiffani was eliminated. And that I'm actually upset about it. Also, did we know she was a lesbian? 3 fishing rods
Grey's Anatomy - "Start Me Up": As soon as we saw Callie crying in the bathroom at the beginning of the episode, I just knew she was pregnant. I guess it was just a matter of time, huh? I love that, once again, Alex was the rock star (and got the girl). If you melded Alex and Bailey together, you'd have the greatest doctor in the world. Rating: 4 pregnancy tests
January 14th, 2011, 11:22 p.m. - The fact that it took me this long to read my first book of the year doesn't bode well for 2011
1. What the Night Knows (Dean Koontz)
Up next: Great House (Nicole Krauss)
January 20th, 2011, 8:46 a.m. - Yes, it is indeed that time again
January 22nd, 2011, 4:32 p.m. - If you're going to put the word "great" in your title, the book better actually be great
2. Great House (Nicole Krauss)
Up next: The Diviner's Tale (Bradford Morrow)
January 23rd, 2011, 2:51 p.m. - I can't believe they passed up a Steve Carell/Kelly Clarkson joke when Michael was listening to "My Life Would Suck Without You"
Desperate Housewives - "I'm Still Here": Don't worry, Bree, I'm sure the fact that you decided not to tell Keith that he has a son won't come back to haunt you later in the season. Why is everyone on this show an idiot? Rating: 3 Scrabble boards
House - "Larger Than Life": Who knew Matthew Lillard could do a dramatic role? I was impressed. I'd been looking forward to seeing Candice Bergen, and she definitely didn't disappoint. All of her scenes were great. I think we should meet Cuddy's sister at some point, too. Rating: 5 sedatives
How I Met Your Mother - "Last Words": This episode found the perfect balance between humor and sadness. I don't know why people thought the show couldn't handle a heavy plotline like a death. Have they never seen these actors before? Rating: 5 copies of Crocodile Dundee 3
American Idol - New Jersey and New Orleans auditions: I'm still not completely sold on Steven Tyler, but I really liked Jennifer Lopez as a judge. I thought the three judges had great chemistry together. I don't think the changes to this season are going to be as big as everyone thinks they will. Rating: 4 times I want to pull Victoria Huggins' hair
Modern Family - "Caught in the Act": Can they give Emmys to all of the actors on this show? This show easily has one of the best casts of any show on TV right now. Rating: 4 juice boxes
Top Chef - "Restaurant Wars: One Night Only": If Tiffany had gone home over Marcel, you would have heard an anguished scream coming from Northern Virginia around 11:14 on Wednesday night. Actually, you probably would've heard lots of anguished screams from around the country. Thank you, judges, for making the right decision. Now get with the program, Tiffany. Rating: 4 potato chips
The Office - "Ultimatum": When did Pam turn into such a moron? Rating: 3 cartwheels
January 26th, 2011, 10:56 p.m. - America, we've been Gokey'd
January 28th, 2011, 6:37 p.m. - "Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?"
House - "Carrot or Stick": The part about the kid being the sergeant's son was too far-fetched for me. I liked Chase's plot until the end, which made no sense. Fortunately, the House/Rachel plot saved the episode from being almost a complete wash, but just barely. I'm really looking forward to the episode in two weeks when Candice Bergen comes back. I thought it was a waste to only have her in a couple of scenes last week. Rating: 3 monkeys
American Idol - Milwaukee and Nashville auditions: I feel bad for the singers who don't have a sad story. They have an uphill battle. Like most years, I can't really comment on individual singers until later in the season because by the end of a freaking TWO-HOUR EPISODE, I've pretty much forgotten everyone's name. And we'll never see 85 percent of these people again anyway. Rating: 4 giant toothbrushes
The Office - "The Seminar": Something about this episode felt off, even though I did laugh out loud at a few points. To be specific, those were: Creed sending the seminar participants after the Loch Ness Monster, Gabe thinking Erin's sudden Scrabble skills were her having a Slumdog Millionaire moment, "my mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with," the title of this post, and everything Kevin. Rating: 3 small business packets
January 29th, 2011, 2:51 p.m. - Really? Her name's Cassandra? And there's a guy with only one eye? Sigh...
3. The Diviner's Tale (Bradford Morrow)
Up next: The Instructions (Adam Levin) (so I'll see you in May)
This was twisted, even by Koontz's standards. It also felt a little sloppy. And Koontz clearly has no idea how children talk. And yet I will continue to read almost anything the man writes. What's wrong with me?
I think I need Great House for Dummies.
I definitely agree with the Washington Post review of this book: Good writing that goes nowhere. I wanted to like it a lot more than I did, because it's so well-written, but you have to have a compelling plot to make it work.