March, 2011
March 2nd, 2011, 10:31 p.m. - Want you to make me feel like I'm the only squirrel in the world...
"Not the Only Girl in the World"
March 6th, 2011, 4:46 p.m. - "Beads." "Bees?" "BEADS." "BEADS?"
The Amazing Race - "I Never Looked So Foolish in My Whole Entire Life": Costumes make everything better. Especially the fact that Kent knows more about chemistry than I do. Rating: 4 joeys
House - "Recession Proof": I wonder if, when Omar Epps first signed on to this show years ago, he ever expected to be reduced to unfunny comic relief in the form of a lame Odd Couple storyline. I doubt it. Rating: 3 mariachi bands
How I Met Your Mother - "A Change of Heart": I like Nora! Barney, get it together! The Robin's-boyfriend-is-just-like-a-dog thing was great, and one of the things this show can pull off that other shows might not be able to. Rating: 4 calzones
American Idol - Top 24 perform and top 13 chosen: Clearly the judges have been sneaking from Charlie Sheen's stash, because...Ashthon? Stefano? Over about half the people who weren't voted into the top ten? Makes no sense. And there were waaaaaay too many hours of the show this week. That two-hour episode on Thursday was complete overkill. I have Idol fatigue and we've just started. Sigh. Rating: 3 singers left out of the top 13 who really shouldn't have been
Survivor - "Keep Hope Alive": Jeff. Russell is not one of the most successful players ever. He's lost three times. That's the opposite of successful. But he's gone, so whatever. Kick his butt, Matt! Rating: 3 useless clues for the hidden immunity idol
America's Next Top Model - "Alek Wek": I hope they let Ondrei come back in a future season, when she's ready. But I admire her for figuring out that she shouldn't be there and focusing on what was more important. Alexandria and Monique, feel free to stop talking any time. Rating: 4 bees
Modern Family - "Two Monkeys and a Panda": I can't be the only one who thinks Cameron's book should actually exist. Other than Claire's plot, I thought everything this week was pretty good. This show does really well with little moments, like Manny acting like a bartender while Jay was confiding in him. Very cute. Rating: 4 claps for the word "adopt"
Top Chef - "Give Me Your Huddled Masses": I thought they might put all five chefs through to the finale; there was no reason to send anyone home. Usually the judges can come up with something small as an excuse, and they couldn't even do that. I was impressed that everyone turned out a terrific dish right when it really mattered. I think the visits from their family members helped. Rating: 5 mentions of the word "cousin" (okay, guys, we get it)
9:53 p.m. - Since when has a plane ever landed on time?
March 10th, 2011, 8:47 a.m. - When you're trending on Twitter but no one can spell your name, that's a bad sign. Also, it means your parents are crazy
March 12th, 2011, 2:13 p.m. - With her short hair, spiky necklace, and nose ring, ANTM's Sara could play Lisbeth Salander
The Amazing Race - "We Had a Lot of Evil Spirits Apparently": Boooooo. I loved Mike and Mel. We barely got to see them this time around. Why can't Ron and Christina be more incompetent? Rating: 3 frogs
Desperate Housewives - "Searching": I figured Beth was going to kill herself, but I was still surprised at how everything went down. It was refreshing to see Bree want to help Susan, since most other shows would have had her be too self-centered to put herself at risk for a friend. Speaking of self-centered, how nice to know that after all these years, Gaby has learned absolutely nothing. Rating: 4 pairs of tap shoes
House - "Bombshells": I liked most of this episode, but the ending didn't work for me. Cuddy's reaction to House's relapse just didn't strike me as in character for her. I mean, she's put up with all sorts of stuff from him over the years. Obviously this is going to lead to something, but it still didn't make sense. Oh, and by the way, the dance sequence was choreographed by Mia Michaels, and some of the dancers were from So You Think You Can Dance Awesome. Rating: 4 pieces of candy
Glee - "Sexy": A few pieces of this episode felt disjointed to me, but I still came very close to giving it a 5 rating. That's mostly due to Naya Rivera, who has been hitting it out of the park every single week this season. There were some great song choices this week, too. Though I was unaware that "Landslide" was an ode to lesbian love. You learn something new every day. Rating: 4 hilarious facial expressions from Puck during "Afternoon Delight"
American Idol - Top 13 perform and one goes home: Well, that was easy! Too bad almost everyone was less than impressive this week. Rating: 3 slightly awkward moments once I remembered that Jennifer Lopez and Diddy used to date
America's Next Top Model - "Lori Goldstein": SHUT UP, ALEXANDRIA. I think the thing that most ticked me off about her this week was that she actually earned that top photo. Here's a tip, Alex: pull a Renee and undergo a personality transformation. You'll thank me later. Rating: 4 truly horrible weaves Molly should have never had to endure
Top Chef - "Fit for a King": Aww, Carla. It was the right decision, but it was still hard to watch. Rating: 4 grease fires
4:46 p.m. - Oh, Jodi
6. Sing You Home (Jodi Picoult)
Up next: Spook (Mary Roach)
March 13th, 2011, 9:21 p.m. - I type faster than...well, definitely faster than Kent and Vyxsin
"Be Vewy Quiet, I'm Hunting Wabbits"
March 16th, 2011, 10:33 p.m. - You guys, Thia was born the year Toy Story came out
"Here We Are Now, Entertain Us"
March 19th, 2011, 2:17 p.m. - Also, go away, Ron
The Amazing Race - "This Is the Most Stupid Day Ever": Wow, two double legs in one season? I definitely didn't see that coming. Something else I didn't see coming: Vyxsin's slow, trainwreck-like meltdown. It's a little fascinating. Rating: 4 Elmer Fudd hats
House - "Out of the Chute": Kind of boring, but at this point I'm just glad we don't have to put up with that Foreman/Taub stuff anymore. Rating: 3 arrows
Glee - "Original Song": I found it kind of funny that so many people made a big deal out of Kurt and Blaine's kiss, mostly because I wasn't really looking at the TV when it happened, and when I looked up and saw them kissing, I thought, "Oh, they're kissing. That's sweet," not, "Oh, two guys are kissing." I think it's because, even though we all know the two characters are gay, we're not hit over the head with the fact that it's a gay relationship. So now that we've taken care of that, can we get some good music? I mean other than "Trouty Mouth." Rating: 3 little canary coffins
American Idol - Top 12 perform and one goes home: Yay, America! I love you this season. Don't screw it up. Rating: 3 dolls
America's Next Top Model - "Francesco Carrozzini": Sara got into modeling knowing what it entails and then complains when it offends her feminist sensibilities? Shut up, Sara. Oh, and for the record, I love Jaclyn, and if she gets eliminated before the finale, I might cry. Rating: 5 cups of coffee
Top Chef - "Island Fever": I figured Tiffany would be gone next. There's always someone in the final four who is just a little under the level of the other three chefs. Sometimes that person goes through (*cough*Lisa in season 4*cough*), but in this case, she didn't. Not that I don't like Tiffany - I do - but I didn't think Antonia, Blais, or Mike should have been eliminated over her. I know! I'm surprised, too. Rating: 4 conches
March 20th, 2011, 8:13 p.m. - They can't all be winners
7. Spook (Mary Roach)
Up next: Swamplandia! (Karen Russell)
11:34 p.m. - Who knew Kent had it in him?
March 24th, 2011, 8:52 p.m. - Surprise! No one was horrible!
March 27th, 2011, 2:14 p.m. - Starring Adam Rove as Hannibal Lechter
The Amazing Race - "Don't Ruin the Basketball Game": I'm pretty impressed that Kent and Vyxsin were able to keep themselves in the race. I'm also impressed with Kent's guts; I never knew he had it in him. And I can't say I'm disappointed to see Jaime and Cara, mostly because, even after watching them for a season and a half, I never learned how to tell them apart. Rating: 4 giant dinosaur replicas
House - "Fall from Grace": I can't tell you how excited I was to see Christopher Marquette guest-starring in an episode with Amber Tamblyn. (Hilariously, in an episode with the word "Grace" in the title; Grace was another Joan of Arcadia character.) And then he turned out to be a cannibalistic serial killer! What's up with that?? That plot was boring (well, at least until the way-out-of-left-field revelation), but House's stuff was fun. Even if it makes no sense. Rating: 3 sham weddings
How I Met Your Mother - "Legendaddy": A show that can handle comedy and seriousness equally well is definitely a special show. The Barney/Jerry stuff was very touching. But the episode also brought some great laughs. I laughed so hard at Marshall's soul patch and possum that my stomach hurt. Rating: 5 basketball hoops
American Idol - Top 11 perform and no one goes home: I definitely thought Casey was going to throw up on stage. THAT would have made for an interesting show. I think he was only voted out because of voter complacency; they thought he was safe so they voted for other people. I'm not surprised it happened, I'm just surprised it happened so quickly. Rating: 4 surprise celebrity appearances
America's Next Top Model - "Rachel Zoe": Monique, please decide if you want to be annoying or likable, because I can't keep both laughing and glaring at you. Though the fact that you actually made me feel sorry for Alexandria shows I'm leaning toward not laughing anymore. Rating: 4 cute baby jaguars
Modern Family - "Boys' Night": Whoever cast Cam and Mitchell's friends is brilliant; those actors have great chemistry together. I enjoyed seeing Mitchell feel more comfortable being himself around Jay. We need to see more of Jay being proud of his kids and showing them affection. Also, more Gloria not putting up with his crap. Rating: 4 onions
Top Chef - "Last Supper": Bleh, who cares anymore? Rating: 3 non-biscuit empanadas
Grey's Anatomy - "This Is How We Do It": Could they have telegraphed the last scene any more than they did? If they kill that baby, I'll be really ticked. Can't someone on this show be happy for five minutes? Rating: 3 onesies
The Office - "Garage Sale": So sweet and so perfect for this show. The scene with the sprinklers going off was just terrific. I think this is the best way to write Steve Carell out while still letting Michael have a happy ending. As annoying as the character is, people root for him, and he needs to leave with his head held high. Rating: 5 Dallas board games
10:23 p.m. - "Here you go, homie." Hee hee hee
March 30th, 2011, 11:09 p.m. - Yes, Jessica Wakefield, that 137 in the bumper is for you
I like you a lot more when you're not preaching. Entertainment Weekly's grade of B for this book is pretty much spot on. It's not execellent, it's not horrible, it's a little better than average. It's worth a B.
Meh.