March, 2012
March 3rd, 2012, 12:28 p.m. - Banana
6. Trail of the Spellmans (Lisa Lutz)
Up next: Lone Wolf (Jodi Picoult)
5:31 p.m. - "It happened. Satan's trifecta. The day I'd most dreaded had fallen on the day I most loved"
The Amazing Race - "You Know I'm Not as Smart as You": I think it would be smart to back Rachel and Dave. Call me crazy. Rating: 3 solar kitchens
How I Met Your Mother - "Karma": Barney and Ted's storylines bored me, but I liked Robin living with Lily and Marshall, observing everyone like a sociologist. Also, Becki Newton just signed on for a new pilot, so we probably shouldn't get too attached to Quinn. Rating: 3 snugets
American Idol - Semifinalists perform and finalists are chosen: I'm mostly happy with the final 13, and only surprised by one, Erika. At this point I can't decide who I think might win, but I'll be rooting for Skylar, because she's awesome, and Phillip, because I maybe kind of love him a little. Rating: 3 Adele songs
Survivor - "One World Is Out the Window": Dear Colton, shut up. I hope they blindside you and vote you out before you can use your idol. P.S. Shut up. Rating: 3 puzzle trees
America's Next Top Model - "Kelly Osbourne": Oh, this was a bad idea all around. Rating: 2 trampolines
Modern Family - "Leap Day": I want a Wizard of Oz-themed party! You all have two months to make it happen. Rating: 4 birthday flags
Degrassi - "Can't Tell Me Nothing, Part 1": Show, if you want us to feel something for Katie, you have to make her sympathetic. All I can muster up when I hear her talk is a sarcastic "boo-hoo." Jenna, however, made me love her a little for coining the term "step-girlfriend." Rating: 3 codeines
March 4th, 2012, 10:52 p.m. - Them? Really?
March 7th, 2012, 10:50 p.m. - I am 15 years too old to understand Colton's appeal
"It's Not Right But It's Okay"
March 10th, 2012, 12:52 p.m. - "First up we have Jenna Middleton, who's going to sing a happy song about nobody"
The Amazing Race - "Bust Me Right In the Head With It": What's up with this show and watermelons? At least the eliminated team was one I didn't really have feelings for either way. Oh, wait, I don't have feelings for any of these teams either way, except Rachel and Brendon. And I don't think I need to specify my feelings there. Rating: 4 harps
American Idol - Top 13 perform and one goes home: This is a pretty impressive group of singers. My Idol fatigue might not set in as quickly as it has in past seasons. Rating: 4 random reggae performances that better never happen again, DeAndre
Survivor - "Bum-Puzzled": I can't think of someone I've wanted to see torn apart by a pack of wild dogs more than Colton. Go back to your country club, Colton. You're not the sort of person I would associate with in real life either. Rating: 4 idiotic moves never seen before on this show
The Big Bang Theory - "The Weekend Vortex": Aww, Raj, I'll be your girlfriend. First let's talk about how Penny's been turned into an alcoholic. Rating: 4 uses of the whip sound effect (which really didn't get old)
Degrassi - "Can't Tell Me Nothing, Part 2": I love Jake. Shut up, Katie. No more needs to be said. Rating: 3 misspelled banners
4:41 p.m. - Wolves. Wolves wolves wolves wolves wolves wolves. Wolves? Wolves wolves wolves. Wolves! Wolves
7. Lone Wolf (Jodi Picoult)
Up next: Threats (Amelia Gray)
March 11th, 2012, 10:16 p.m. - NOT CRYING. LEAVE ME ALONE
"'The Amazing Race Is Supposed to Be Fun and Good'"
March 14th, 2012, 11:02 p.m. - The show says, "Screw you, Jermaine"; Joshua says, "Screw you, audience"
March 18th, 2012, 2:48 p.m. - "We finished each other's balloon animals"
The Amazing Race - "Taste Your Salami": I love a happy ending! Now we just need one of the Rachel teams to get eliminated. Rating: 4 statue heads
American Idol - Top Survivor - "A Bunch of Idiots": You can't get much funnier than having a vote depend on a guy with nominal aphasia writing down the right name. Poor Monica, though. Another victim of His Majesty Colton the Terrible. Rating: 3 times Michael shoved Leif and I got really uncomfortable
America's Next Top Model - "Kris Jenner"/"Cat Deeley": Due to DVR issues last week, I didn't get to watch the Kris Jenner episode until this week. That woman is scary. So is Louise. But neither is as scary as Kelly Cutrone. Even the awesomeness of Cat Deeley (squeeeeeee!) couldn't neutralize her scariness. Rating: 4 hissyfits
Modern Family - "Send Out the Clowns": Brilliant casting, and a lot of funny stuff. I hope Ellen Barkin comes back sometime. She'd make a great recurring character. I have to say that my favorite part of the episode was the fact that one of the clowns had randomly brought a goose to the funeral...and no one said anything about it. Rating: 5 spit-takes
Grey's Anatomy - "One Step Too Far": They should have called this episode "This Is a Really Bad Idea," because that's what I kept thinking throughout the episode. Rating: 3 tumors that shouldn't have been removed
Degrassi - "Not Ready to Make Nice, Part 1": Clare is living in a drug house. I repeat, Clare is living in a drug house. Only on Degrassi, people. Rating: 4 fish tanks perfect for ruining cell phones
10:44 p.m. - I deserve a medal for skipping the "Rachel is the real witch" jokes
"Our Princess Is in Another Castle"
March 19th, 2012, 10:37 p.m. - Give me some paper!
8. Threats (Amelia Gray)
Up next: The Vanishers (Heidi Julavits)
March 21st, 2012, 10:53 p.m. - Whoever's picking the themes, please stop
March 25th, 2012, 1:54 p.m. - Colton's appendix, you get a gold star
The Amazing Race - "Uglier Than a Mud Rail Fence": Who doesn't like Mark and Bopper? Probably no one. They're awesome. They're never going to win, but they're definitely sentimental favorites. Rating: 4 gingerbread houses
How I Met Your Mother - "The Broath": That was weird. I don't really care about Quinn. Also, Becki Newton got a pilot, so I don't think she'll be hanging around past this season, which means...we probably don't need to care about Quinn. Rating: 3 robes (sorry, brobes)
American Idol - Top ten perform and one goes home: Aww, Erika. She didn't deserve that. I really liked her, but she had too much against her. At least she gets to go on the tour. Rating: 3 emails from Billy Joel saying he liked the Idols' performances (because what is he going to say, they sucked?)
Survivor - "Thanks for the Souvenir": I don't want to say anything about karma, but... Rating: 4 untransferred hidden immunity idols
America's Next Top Model - "J. Alexander": Shut up, everyone who isn't British or named Azmarie. Rating: 4 packages of scented toilet paper
Degrassi - "Not Ready to Make Nice, Part 2": For an episode with drugs and a police ambush, this was pretty dull. Rating: 3 pot plants
9:38 p.m. - Alternate title: "How Do You Like Them Apples?"
"'Like In Rome, Do Like You're In Azerberjistan'"
March 28th, 2012, 10:50 p.m. - Ceasar Flickerman would eat Ryan Seacrest for breakfast
"Worship Not These False Idols"
March 30th, 2012, 12:14 p.m. - 60 to 0 in under 300 pages
9. The Vanishers (Heidi Julavits)
Up next: The Man from Primrose Lane (James Renner)
I think this is my second-favorite of the series (the first is my favorite). Lutz said the fourth was going to be the last, so when I saw a few weeks ago that this one was being published, I got really excited. I would have read it even faster than I did if I didn't have a stupid job and stuff.
Wolves.
1211 perform and one goes home: I don't condone breaking the rules or anything, but the way they dismissed Jermaine was kind of harsh. Better to do it behind the scenes instead of humiliating him on TV. Mean! Rating: 3 really, really bad song choices
I could write a thesis-length paper about this book. It's haunting, and full of layers and symbolism. I think it's going to stick with me for a while.
It started out great, but as it went on, it got messier and messier. There are two or three themes here that would have made good books on their own. Together, they just don't work.