March, 2013
March 2nd, 2013, 2:04 p.m. - RIP, Blueberry
The Amazing Race - "Loose Lips Sink Ships": Why would you go on this show if you don't like water?? I just...I can't...AGH! Rating: 4 red pearls
How I Met Your Mother - "Weekend at Barney's": Robin wants to be with Barney...why? And when did Marshall lose the ability to talk to people normally? Rating: 3 bags of Skittles
Modern Family - "Best Men": I can't really remember much about the last episode Elizabeth Banks was in, but I thought she was funnier this time around. Actually, I think I like her more every time I see her in something. I thought the nanny was really sweet with Manny, but...why do they have a nanny? Gloria doesn't work. Rating: 4 good lines Lily had in her only scene of the episode
Psych - "Santa Barbaratown 2, Lethal Weapon 5": I started watching this series in syndication over the summer, and it quickly became one of my favorite shows. I feel like Shawn acted out of character in this episode – I get him wanting revenge, but he did it too violently. Now, Carlton, on the other hand... Rating: 4 landmines
Degrassi - "Ray of Light, Part 1": I missed the Vegas episode, so I guess I missed something really insane, huh? I guess I need to fix that, huh? Rating: 3 invitations to secret parties with dress codes not everyone knew about
March 9th, 2013, 12:09 p.m. - They need to give out antidepressants with this book
9. The Storyteller (Jodi Picoult)
Back to my weird religious kick!
Up next: Banished (Lauren Drain)
March 10th, 2013, 2:56 p.m. - Juliet doesn't need a man to save her! Take that, men trying to save Juliet!
The Amazing Race - "Like James Bond Again": That Roadblock was one of the best they've ever done – both physically challenging and entertaining to watch. Bravo to Chuck for totally killing it. I don't see how Dave and Connor can keep going, but I'd be sad to see them go. Maybe one day they'll do another "unfinished business" season (or all-stars, or whatever) and they'll get another shot. Rating: 4 eggs
Psych - "Juliet Takes a Luvvah": This was one of the few episodes where I was completely off about the culprit. Well done, writers. I also like Rachel; I always liked Parminder Nagra on ER, and it's great seeing her in something else. However, knowing that she was going to be recurring this season took away the possibility of her being the culprit, so that was the only part of this episode that didn't work for me. Rating: 5 traumatic moments for Shawn
The Big Bang Theory - "The Contractual Obligation Implementation": Who wants to go to Disney World with me to get a princess makeover? I'll even let you be Cinderella. Rating: 4 tiaras
Degrassi - "Ray of Light, Part 2": Oh, we're doing the Eli/Clare dance again, are we? Whatever. Munro Chambers was great in this episode. And Eli doesn't bug me as much as he used to. Now can we talk about Jenna and Connor's total lack of chemistry? Rating: 4 towels used as capes
March 14th, 2013, 10:14 p.m. - Who's scarier, David Miscavige or Fred Phelps?
10. Banished (Lauren Drain)
Up next: Cover of Snow (Jenny Milchman)
March 16th, 2013, 2:52 p.m. - "I'm really more of a lover." "WE KNOW!"
The Amazing Race - "I Love Monkeys!": When even Phil can't keep quiet about how dumb you are, YOU'RE DUMB. Freaking A, John. Rating: 4 coconuts
Psych - "Lassie Jerky": Shooting this episode must have been really difficult – all those cameras, plus making sure whoever was supposed to be holding a camera in any given shot wasn't visible. Other than that...eh. I was with it until the Serbians showed up. Rating: 3 axes
The Big Bang Theory - "The Closet Reconfiguration": Great acting in this episode. I like it when comedies get a little heavier and show us characters' different sides. Rating: 4 possible letter contents
Grey's Anatomy - "Transplant Wasteland": This felt like a letdown after so many good episodes. Yay for conflict resolution and all, but now what? Rating: 3 emoticons Alex knows how to use
Degrassi - "Karma Police, Part 1": Good job by Annie Clark in the later scenes. But haven't we done the be-careful-with-social-media story before? Like, a lot? Also, Dallas, DO NOT TAKE ADVICE FROM DREW ON ANYTHING. Idiot. Rating: 4 fruit hats
March 18th, 2013, 10:26 p.m. - Remind me to never go to the Adirondacks
11. Cover of Snow (Jenny Milchman)
Up next: Three Graves Full (Jamie Mason)
March 24th, 2013, 1:06 p.m. - "Somebody get this lady a storefront, because she needs to mind her own business"
The Amazing Race - "Your Tan Is Totally Cool": Yay, Pam and Winnie! I hope you don't come to regret your friendship with Max and Katie, because they're still annoying! And I'm mostly impressed that you did that chess task so well because I never had any idea what it was about! Rating: 4 human chess pieces
How I Met Your Mother - "The Fortress": Bleh. Bad A-plot, okay B-plot. Try harder, please. Rating: 3 figgy-pudding shots
Psych - "No Country for Two Old Men": When Lloyd showed up to rescue Henry on the street, I thought the episode might be a nod to The In-Laws. I got my confirmation when they were being shot out and Lloyd shouted, "Do a figure 8!" Clever. Jeffrey Tambor was excellent in this episode; he's welcome back anytime. Rating: 4 guards doing the cabbage patch
Grey's Anatomy - "Idle Hands": Don't ever mess with Cristina Yang. I thought everyone knew that. Rating: 4 13-second x-rays
Degrassi - "Karma Police, Part 2": I refuse to believe Fiona is that stupid. Rating: 3 flipping robot dogs THAT I MUST HAVE
March 27th, 2013, 8:03 p.m. - It was self-defense, you moron!
12. Three Graves Full (Jamie Mason)
Up next: Pretty in Plaid (Jen Lancaster)
March 30th, 2013, 12:28 p.m. - "Gus, don't be the second time ever I saw your face"
The Amazing Race - "Scorpion King Hunter": I was surprised by how much the Detour choice affected the outcome of this leg. And I'll be even more surprised if Bates and Anthony don't wind up in the final three. They're great, so I wouldn't be sad about that at all. Rating: 4 failures to make fire
How I Met Your Mother - "The Time Travelers": It finally happened. Ted had a psychotic break. Rating: 3 giant meatballs
Modern Family - "The Wow Factor": The only plot I really enjoyed was Phil's. See, Jay, that's what a good father does. Mitch, you should probably take lessons from him, too. Rating: 4 fish of gold
Psych - "100 Clues": I was skeptical about this episode when I heard people would be voting on the ending, but I thought the one that won made perfect sense. Great casting in this episode, especially Steve Valentine, who was the least famous of the guest stars but still stole his scenes. Rating: 4 chandeliers
Grey's Anatomy - "Can't Fight This Feeling": Yay, Sarah Chalke! Love her. Boo, April, who's going to keep digging herself deeper until this whole thing blows up in her face! Though hopefully Jackson will take her back and things will work out for her in the end. Rating: 4 patients who didn't die, which totally surprised me
Degrassi - "Zombie, Part 1": Why is Maya not in therapy?? Seriously, at least Katie should be saying something, since no one else seems to care. Also, either their mother is being played by a different actress now or she's aging backwards. Rating: 3 gigantic bouquets of flowers
March 31st, 2013, 7:31 p.m. - Can I be this Jen when I grow up?
13. Pretty in Plaid (Jen Lancaster)
Up next: My Fair Lazy (Jen Lancaster)
I go back and forth on Picoult. Some of her books are compelling; some are trite. This one was pretty compelling, even with a protagonist I didn't find all that likable. I'm mostly impressed with the distinct voices Picoult gave Minka, including in her fictional story. I like how she wove it into the narrative, and how she blocked out long chapters for Minka to tell her experiences. It would have been too jarring to cut that section into pieces and hear from Sage in the middle of them. All that said...dang. I'm thinking of rereading Let's Pretend This Never Happened, because I desperately need a laugh right now.
Lauren Drain was a typical American teenager: She liked boys, she played sports, she helped take care of her siblings...oh, and she spent her free time picketing soldiers' funerals and telling people they were going to Hell. From the ages of 14 to 21, Drain was a member of Westboro Baptist Church, the group best known for condemning gay people and praising God for the events of September 11th. Her family banished her after she began speaking to a guy who wasn't a member of the church. Drain isn't a spectacular writer, but her story is powerful and gives a different view of the group most people only know as hatemongers. She's very open about why she did the things she did, and equally apologetic now that her views have changed. Her story is both informative and inspirational.
Milchman's debut is a thriller with a twist – a murder mystery without the murder. Nora Hamilton's husband commits suicide, and her investigation into why uncovers secrets of the familial and small-town variety. There are a few too many people to keep straight, and a few threads that don't amount to anything (sorry, but no one cares about Teggie), but otherwise this is a strong debut.
Three Graves Full starts promising but is ultimately disappointing. New authors, please don't have the third quarter of your book consist solely of people running around and hiding from each other. It's boring.
Me, sometime last week: "I wonder if this Jen Lancaster is a good writer? Maybe I should try one of her books."
Me, five pages later: "Why didn't anyone tell me to read these books sooner?"