March, 2015
March 1st, 2015, 4:16 p.m. - Free Blair!
Survivor – "It's Survivor Warfare": I almost didn't watch, but I'm glad I did. I'm eager to see Vince's inevitable downfall, because dude is creepy, and hopefully it will come from someone with my name. Rating: 4 scorpions
Modern Family – "Connection Lost": I was kind of dreading this episode, because the gimmick sounded dumb, but it wasn't as bad as I expected. At least the plot was kind of fun. I look forward to the day when Haley might actually become Haley Bailey. Rating: 4 Yentl hats
The Amazing Race – "Great Way to Start a Relationship": My expectations for this season were so low that it wouldn't have taken much to exceed them. I was pleasantly surprised with how things turned out. There are a lot of likable people here, and just enough little tweaks to the format that they've kept it fresh. But man, Blair needs rescue right now. Rating: 4 bottles of sake
The Big Bang Theory – "The Intimacy Acceleration": Raj, Amy, Leonard, and Emily's plot felt anticlimactic. I guess it was supposed to be, but it was too anticlimactic. And Howard and Bernadette's was lame. Penny and Sheldon's was fun, but that wasn't enough to redeem the rest of the episode. Rating: 3 zombies
The Amazing Race – "I've Got the Smartest Dude": I can't really feel bad about C.J. and Libby getting eliminated. I mean...come on. They were never going to make up that time difference. And there are so many other enjoyable teams. I think Bergen and Kurt might kill each other, though. Rating: 3 bowls of noodles
March 7th, 2015, 2:12 p.m. - "You are a stone-cold atrocity"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Boyle-Linetti Wedding": I would have rated this episode higher if they hadn't gone the cliché route, with the groom getting cold feet and someone losing the ring. But the rest was terrific, especially the sweet moments between Holt and Kevin, and everything Gina said. This was Chelsea Peretti's best episode to date. Rating: 4 bags over the head
Survivor – "It Will Be My Revenge": I missed most of the episode (stupid cable went out) and only saw the last ten minutes, so I won't rate it. But yay for Vince being gone!
Modern Family – "Closet? You'll Love It!": Okay, let's get Andy and Haley together already. I'd like to see how she's affected by dating someone so different from her previous boyfriends. By the way, since when is Lily not talented? She was really good at gymnastics just a couple seasons ago. Rating: 4 stuffed elephants
The Big Bang Theory – "The Colonization Application": Almost a perfect episode. Too much Sheldon/Amy bickering. They fight way too much. Though it's a nice change from Penny and Leonard fighting. Rating: 4 broken drawers
Scandal – "The Lawn Chair": I liked this more than I thought I would. Courtney B. Vance should get an Emmy for this episode, but Michael Welch was also excellent. Just think: Ten years ago, he was playing a science nerd on Joan of Arcadia. Rating: 4 planted knives
The Amazing Race – "Murphy's Law": Way to not be offensive at the drag club, guys. Thanks for being our country's ambassadors. Rating: 4 spilled bowls of soup
March 8th, 2015, 7:59 p.m. - I was going to make an eye joke, but I got grossed out thinking about it
9. Evil at Heart (Chelsea Cain)
Up next: My Sunshine Away (M.O. Walsh)
March 14th, 2015, 1:59 p.m. - If Hayley were my partner, I'd beg Phil to Philiminate me
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Captain Peralta": Yay, Bradley Whitford! This show really has great guest stars. Good plots all around in this episode. I just thought it fell a little flat when the Jake/Roger stuff got more serious. Rating: 4 bags of drugs
Survivor – "Crazy Is as Crazy Does": Boring episode, appropriate ending. Sorry, Nina. It wasn't going to work. Rating: 3 buckets with holes
The Big Bang Theory – "The Leftover Thermalization": Wait, Howard never realized that Bernadette sounds exactly like his mother? ...Really? Rating: 4 papers with Leonard's name left off of them
Scandal – "The Testimony of Diego Muñoz": This episode was confusing. Huck's allowed around Javi again? Javi isn't traumatized by seeing him kill that guy? David didn't want to take down B613? Abby and Leo have been dating? Did I miss, like, five episodes or something? Rating: 3 serial numbers on artificial hips
The Amazing Race – "The Great Amazing Nasty Race": It sucks that Harley and Jonathan never stood a chance. They were fun. And we're punished by having to put up with Hayley for at least another week. Boooooo! Rating: 3 cats
March 15th, 2015, 3:07 p.m. - I hate the unnamed-narrator gimmick
10. My Sunshine Away (M.O. Walsh)
Up next: The Sellout (Paul Beatty)
March 21st, 2015, 2:13 p.m. - "I had to grab a few thinks at the art-supply store. Kidnapping is 90 percent crafting"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Sabotage": PARNELL! Awesome. His return made up for the stupid Gina plot. Rating: 4 ice cream trucks
Survivor – "Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner"/"We're Finally Playing Some Survivor": Shut up, Rodney. Shut up, Rodney. SHUT UP, RODNEY. You, too, Dan. Rating: 4 chickens
Supernatural – "The Things They Carried": They did this exact plot on Angel. They solved it with alcohol and a Cordelia ex machine instead of a sweat lodge, but still. I can't believe this episode didn't end with Dean deciding he didn't want to give up, like he'd told Cole not to give up. Instead, they're trying to make us think that Sam will have to kill Dean. Uh-huh. Because he wouldn't come back five minutes later. Rating: 4 water bottles
Scandal – "It's Good to Be Kink": So...Huck is going to end the season either in jail, in a psych facility, or in a coffin, yes? Rating: 3 horrible, distracting wigs
March 28th, 2015, 2:18 p.m. - "Rodney is confused"
Survivor – "Odd Woman Out": Thank you, Sierra, for making the right decision. But they should have taken out Rodney, not Joaquin. Joaquin was harmless. Rodney's more likely to want revenge. Eh, never mind – he's not clever enough to pull off anything. Rating: 4 misordered candles
Supernatural – "Paint It Black": I liked a lot of the episode, but they spent too much time on the flashbacks that fleshed out an obvious development. They should have had a twist with the hot nun being the real ghost. Rating: 4 paintings
Modern Family – "Spring Break": I think they jammed too many plots in here, but it was still pretty good. I'm glad Haley's trying to get Alex to loosen up. She's my favorite character, but she could just a couple little tweaks. Rating: 4 banjos
Scandal – "Put a Ring on It": That Cyrus, always marrying people just because their parents were mean to them. Dude, you can be sympathetic toward Michael while not continuing this stupid plot with him. And Olivia...just...I don't even know what to say. Well, other than STOP IT. Rating: 3 yellings of "church and state!"
10:25 p.m. - Putting the "black" in "black comedy"
11. The Sellout (Paul Beatty)
Up next: The Royal We (Heather Cocks and Jessica Morgan)
The bad news: There are only three books left in this series. The good news: There's a new Kick book coming out this year!
Here's the plot in a nutshell: "When I was a teenager, a girl I knew was raped, and here's how it affected me." Then 300 pages of well-written but unfocused writing. Not worth your time.
One of the strangest books I've read, but not in a bad way. I read it slowly because I didn't want to miss a word. I wasn't surprised at all that Beatty also writes poetry. I love the way he uses language.