March, 2017

March 3rd, 2017, 8:12 p.m. - A for effort. Maybe an A-

6. The Most Dangerous Place on Earth (Lindsey Lee Johnson)
The book has a couple of good chapters – specifically the first and the one about Dave Chu – but it had some flaws I couldn't overlook. For one, all the teens' slang seemed like it was written by...well, not a teen.

Up next: Universal Harvester (John Darnielle)

March 4th, 2017, 2:13 p.m. – "Clever, clever boy"

Homeland – "The Return": And we're back to the boring stuff. At least the return of Astrid looks promising. Rating: 3 narrow escapes from the house of a guy Carrie really should have expected would be dead when she got there

Modern Family – "Finding Fizbo": I'm giving this an extra star it doesn't really deserve because I love Dot-Marie Jones that much. Come back and visit again, Dot-Marie Jones! Rating: 3 horrible lines of dialogue written by Manny (try a different hobby, buddy)

America's Next Top Model – "Brand Like a Boss": So...India's winning this, yes? Yes. Okay, good. We're in agreement. Rating: 4 visits from moms

Supernatural – "The Raid": The first half of the episode was boring, but I liked the second half. I chose the quote above because the episode reminded me a little of Jurassic Park. I could use without the Initiative-from-Buffy vibe of the British Men of Letters, though. Rating: 3 vampire irradiators

March 11th, 2017, 1:29 p.m. - Different from what I expected. Like, not scary

7. Universal Harvester (John Darnielle)
John, call me. I have a lot of questions.

Up next: The Animators (Kayla Rae Whitaker)

March 12th, 2017, 3:39 p.m. - "Do you hear that, Dylan? I'm cooler than Coachella lesbians"

Homeland – "Imminent Risk": I should have known Dar Adal was behind everything. WE ALL SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. Rating: 4 ridiculous reasons to take Frannie away from Carrie, but whatever

Speechless – "S-U-R-Surprise!": Pretty much every plot was great, especially J.J.'s cleverness in getting around. I find it hard to believe that Kenneth and Jimmy don't have anything in common, though. Rating: 4 "service" dogs

Modern Family – "Basketball": Great use of guest stars, not counting Jane Krakowski, who, honestly, didn't need to come back. Not that I would ever say she's unwelcome. There just isn't enough interesting about her character. Rating: 4 closets made from tainted wood

America's Next Top Model – "The Final Countdown": Kind of dull, but I'm willing to let it slide since this season was so enjoyable, and since the right person won. I also have to commend Tatiana for being so gracious, and CoryAnne for recognizing what she got out of the competition. I would definitely welcome another season. Rating: 3 sparkly, sparkly dresses

Supernatural – "Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell": More missions with Crowley, please! Especially when he freaks out the Person in Need of the Week. Rating: 4 keys that didn't actually help Lucifer

March 18th, 2017, 1:23 p.m. - "His mouth says no but his lips say yes. I acknowledge that was confusing"

Homeland – "Alt.Truth": Aww, 'bye, Astrid. To quote Buffy, thanks for dropping by and dying. Rating: 3 unloaded guns

Trial and Error – "Pilot"/"A Wrench in the Case": The show could use some work, but I liked it. Stephen Boyer is hilarious. This might work better as a summer series, though; I think it's going to get lost in the regular TV season. Rating: 4 skate keys

Speechless – "D-I-Ding": J.J.'s "I'm going to get revenge and it's going to be FUN" face was perfect. Ray becomes more and more like Michael Bluth with every episode, and I love it. Rating: 5 bottles of soda

Modern Family – "Pig Moon Rising": They did a great job with the everyone's-angry-and-yelling stuff at the end, and with Luke saving the day. Did they really think he would get into college, though? I mean, come on. Rating: 4 finger-paintings

March 19th, 2017, 3:06 p.m. - Open your trunk

8. The Animators (Kayla Rae Whitaker)
I liked this a lot more than I expected. Whenever I wasn't reading it, I was thinking about it. Mostly I was thinking, "I wish I were reading The Animators right now."

Up next: Ill Will (Dan Chaon)

March 25th, 2017, 2:04 p.m. - "She despised nothing more in this world, except for possibly racism. It went racism, then tulips"

Homeland – "Sock Puppets": I'm basically only here for Max. Please be more interesting, show. Rating: 3 times I rolled my eyes at Keane

Trial and Error – "The Other Man"/"An Unwelcome Distraction": I'm so glad they're toning down Anne. P.S. I love Stephen Boyer. Rating: 4 stolen whitefish bagels

March 30th, 2017, 6:27 p.m. - Also...not scary

9. Ill Will (Dan Chaon)
When John Darnielle calls to answer my questions about Universal Harvester, we'll put Dan Chaon on the line, too, because I have...even more questions about this.

Up next: Perfect Little World (Kevin Wilson)

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