May 1st, 2010, 4:54 p.m. - "I think my cat is reading my diary"

The Amazing Race - "I Feel Like I'm in, Like, Sicily": The only problem with having four teams left three episodes before the end of the season is that it takes the surprise out of the episode being a non-elimination leg. I think there was only one season where they switched things up. By the way, if Brent and Caite win, I'll scream. Rating: 4 noodles

Desperate Housewives - "Epiphany": Whoever did Diane Farr's makeup deserves an Emmy, because she looked horrible, and that is a hot woman. Sadly, that was my favorite part of the episode. They need to stop with the flashback-heavy episodes. They fail less often than they work. Actually, now that I think about it, I did like one other part of the episode - just after the scene where Eddie puts his mother's dead body in the car, they showed a jewelry commercial emphasizing Mother's Day. Ha! Rating: 2 Scavos Eddie will probably end up killing

House - "Open and Shut": Five bucks says by the end of the season, Thirteen sleep with Chase, and then Cameron shows up pregnant. Rating: 3 bees

American Idol - Top six perform and one goes home: I don't care if I'm the only person in the whole country - I loved Crystal's performance. This was a nice, light side to her, too. She leans toward the serious songs, and this was a playful one. Just hold on a few more weeks, girl! And even if you don't win, you'll be one of the first to get a contract, I guarantee. Rating: 4 glowing auras Crystal thinks Shania Twain has

Glee - "Home": The April/Will duet was one of the best things I've seen on this show (and that's saying a lot). The same goes for everything Chris Colfer did in this episode. Voice on an angel, indeed. There was very little I didn't like about this episode, even the scene I thought I would dislike, the scene were where Mercedes sang "Beautiful." It came dangerously close to cheesy, but it worked. That's kind of what the show is all about. Rating: 5 old armchairs

America's Next Top Model - "Welcome to New Zealand": I don't get what everyone sees in Angelea, but whatever. I just hope she doesn't win. I'm still rooting for Raina. Love her. Rating: 4 sheep

Survivor - "Jumping Ship": Has Amanda always been this annoying and I just didn't notice, or is this a new development? I was glad to see her go. What a whiny little girl. How did she ever get to the finals on two previous seasons? Also, how backwards is it that I'm sick of Amanda and kind of rooting for Jerri, of all people? Jerri, whose ouster from her original season I toasted with breadsticks? This is all kinds of messed up. Rating: 4 bowls of popcorn

The Office - "Body Language": Once again, Michael has found a woman who will not only put up with him but will be almost as weird as him. Why do the weirdos keep getting dates? I loved the Dwight/Kelly subplot, and I can't wait to see where it goes. I hope Kelly uses her newfound powers for evil. Rating: 4 bindis

Grey's Anatomy - "Hook, Line, and Sinner": Bailey could be the next Oprah! I loved her smackdown of Lexie, who definitely needed it. Mark could be Bailey's Dr. Phil or something. (I don't know; I haven't watched Oprah in a long time. I'm trying to learn from Living Oprah.) The acting in this episode was much more memorable than the storylines, which is ultimately a good thing, but the episode didn't do too much for me. Rating: 3 sneezes

May 2nd, 2010, 4:48 p.m. - O-verdose

12. Living Oprah (Robyn Okrant)
Yes, it's another one of those someone-does-something-for-a-year-and-writes-about-it books, but don't let that deter you. Okrant spent all of 2008 doing everything Oprah said to do, buying what she endorsed, and living the way she advocates. It almost drove her insane. It made me happy I've never been a huge Oprah fan; I've watched it from time to time, but it's not appointment TV for me or anything. It's easy to see how people get sucked into Oprah's world and let her make all their decisions. Scary, too.

Up next: The Lonely Polygamist (Brady Udall)

9:52 p.m. - I never would have predicted this final three at the beginning of the season

"Brain Drain"

May 4th, 2010, 9:58 p.m. - Maybe this week all of Aaron's voters will be grounded and unable to use the phone

"In It to Win It"

May 8th, 2010, 4:12 p.m. - The Lost death pool begins now

The Amazing Race - "They Don't Even Understand Their Own Language": Of course it was too much to hope that Caite and Brent wouldn't make the final three. But is it too much to hope that they won't win? Or that Caite will make a fool of herself again, just so that's our last impression of her? Rating: 3 stamps

Desperate Housewives - "A Little Night Music": Why do TV writers think we care about plotlines where people don't have money? We did it with the Scavos already; it's not going to be any more interesting with Mike and Susan. I do like the idea of having two villains on at the same time, but Patrick is a lot more interesting than Eddie, who looks like Penny could take him down by herself. One will probably wind up killing the other. Rating: 3 pianos

House - "The Choice": When did Thirteen become one of the more likable characters on the show? The look she gave after the patient said he was as straight as anyone else in the room was so brilliant. I'm trying to figure out where this season is going, especially since there are only a couple episodes left. There haven't been a lot of developments over the season. I still wouldn't be surprised if Thirteen and Chase wound up together, though. Rating: 2 sets of rocket-ship sheets

How I Met Your Mother - "Twin Beds": Eh. Writers, please do something soon to salvage this season, because I'm starting to wonder why I keep watching. Rating: 2 beds

American Idol - Top five perform and one goes home: Yay, the little one's gone! If Casey goes next, we'll have a solid final three. And though I'm still rooting for Crystal, I'd be happy with Lee or Michael winning. All three of them are deserving. Rating: 3 guitars that apparently hold all of Casey's talent

Glee - "Bad Reputation": That was so...uneven. A lot of people seemed to be acting out of character, especially Rachel and Emma. Let's just move on and forget this episode ever happened, shall we? Rating: 2 pairs of Hammer pants

Lost - "The Candidate": Noooo, not Sun and Jin! So uncool! At least we'll still probably see them in the sideways world. Sayid, too, though I'm more upset about Sun and Jin dying. I hope the writers don't just kill off a bunch of people just because they can. We need a satisfying, fulfilling ending to the series. Rating: 5 speedy bomb timers

America's Next Top Model - "Hobbits vs. Models": Raina better win - she's the only likable person left. Rating: 3 lace tablecloths

Survivor - "Sinking Ship": Funny how the two who had pretty much no reason to be in the game went home the same week. Good riddance to Danielle, who was one of the least-deserving finalists of the past and who becomes one of very few people to actually lose it before even being voted out. And Candice...I've already forgotten who she is. Rating: 3 donuts Colby jumped ship for

The Office - "The Cover-Up": Rainn Wilson directed this episode. Don't quit your day job, Rainn. Rating: 2 cute pictures of Cece

Grey's Anatomy - "How Insensitive": I think I know where this season is heading, and I think it'll be very interesting. The show has recovered nicely from last season's insanity, and even if the episodes aren't all winners, they're mostly consistent. For all the bad things people say about this show, there's no denying that the cast is extremely talented. This week Sandra Oh stole the show. Rating: 4 phone numbers scribbled on hands

May 9th, 2010, 9:54 p.m. - Only one sore loser here, and she wasn't even eligible to win

"These Aren't the Racers You're Looking For"

May 12th, 2010, 8:44 a.m. - Everyone just shut up and sing "Falling Slowly" again

"Keep Your Shirt On"

May 15th, 2010, 4:32 p.m. - It's a little embarrassing how excited I am for next week's Grey's Anatomy

The Amazing Race - "Huger Than Huge": Meh. That was a horrible last leg. But at least Brent and Caite didn't win. And I did enjoy Caite's Brandy smackdown. Brandy doesn't look so great now that we see what a sore loser she is, especially compared to how gracious Caite was in defeat. Go away, Brandy. Rating: 3 Stormtroopers

Desperate Housewives - "The Ballad of Booth": I can't actually remember what happened in this episode, so...it was okay? I guess? Rating: 3 trays of lasagna

House - "Baggage": The show has done the narration/flashback thing before, but this time it didn't work. And I spent almost the whole episode thinking House was hallucinating his roommate, which was distracting, and also would have been dumb, since that was also done much better before. This whole season has been disappointing. They need to bring back Amber somehow. Rating: 3 tattoos

How I Met Your Mother - "Robots vs. Wrestlers": This show has also had a disappointing season, but I did like this episode. It was interesting to see people other than Ted be annoying for once. Not that he wasn't annoying; he just wasn't as annoying as Marshall, Lily, and Barney were at the party. Rating: 4 doppelgangers

American Idol - Top four perform and one goes home: America, you suck. No way does Casey deserve to be here over Mike. I'm taking away all your voting privileges. Rating: 3 T-shirts

Glee - "Laryngitis": I think this episode had more music than any we've seen so far. Loved the variety - from Rick Springfield to U2 to the Rat Pack to John Mellencamp to Miley Cyrus. That's what makes this show so fun. Rating: 4 flannel shirts

Lost - "Across the Sea": I was surprised a lot of people thought this episode was boring, since I thought it was one of the season's best. But I may just be biased towards Allison Janney. I don't care if it barely explained anything - I've given up on expecting any answers, since I know they can't answer all the questions. That's not the point anyway. I just want a fitting, satisfying ending. Rating: 5 rocks

America's Next Top Model - "Ugly-Pretty Woman"/"America's Next Top Model is...": How weird - I did think early on in the season that there was something about Krista that the judges would like. I thought she would wind up doing better than anyone expected her to. But I definitely didn't think she would win. I still think she has a dreadful personality, at least part of the time, but she did improve a lot and listened to all the advice she was given, so I can see why she won. I still think it should have been Raina, though. Rating: 3 really cute family portraits

Survivor - "Loose Lips Sink Ships": How the heck did Colby make it to the final five? Maybe they can get rid of him by offering him some donuts. Rating: 3 death glares from Rupert

The Office - "The Chump": Some good stuff, some not-so-good stuff. I hope Angela's pregnant by the end of the season. Rating: 3 breakup text messages

Grey's Anatomy - "Shiny Happy People": The doctors can be so stupid sometimes, it's nice to see someone do something well, like Alex did this week. He showed how good he is at his job, and how much he cares about his patients, even though he doesn't usually show it. He's one of the more capable doctors on the show. Too bad they never let anything good happen to him. Rating: 4 people left on this show Mark hasn't slept with (yet)

May 18th, 2010, 9:41 p.m. - Fair warning: If Casey doesn't get kicked off tomorrow, I might go postal

"Let's All Take a Nap"

May 22nd, 2010, 3:43 p.m. - My inexplicable, disproportionate love for Grey's Anatomy continues

Survivor - "Anything Could Happen": I don't know why people thought this was such a terrific season; for me, it was average at best. Maybe because all of the interesting people were ousted unceremoniously. I didn't care who won going into the finale, and I still don't. I'm just glad Russell lost again. Get that man off my TV. I never want to have to deal with him again. Rating: 3 dishes

Desperate Housewives - "I Guess This is Goodbye": I thought it was really interesting how they wrapped up the big plots about three-quarters of the way through the episode, then spent the rest of the time setting things up for next season. But I also like how they wrapped things up. Come on, who didn't love "it's in the detonator" - boom? Awesome. Funny how Angie, Nick, and Danny were all vaguely portrayed as potential villains all season, and then none of them turned out to be a villain. Very nice storytelling. I would have given this episode a 5, but I'm subtracting an entire point for the baby-swapping storyline. I mean, really? Really? Rating: 4 detonators

House - "Help Me": Yay, finally, a good episode! This show does really good season finales, and this one was no different. This was how the show needed to be all season - about House, not the other doctors. And I'm not a hardcore House/Cuddy 'shipper, but the ending was fine with me. There's only so long you can keep apart characters with chemistry without at least trying to find out if they work together. Rating: 4 hiding places behind bathroom mirrors

How I Met Your Mother - "The Wedding Bride": Judy Greer! I love her. The episode was okay, but I'm sick of Ted's dating escapades and don't care at all about Robin and Don. So can we do something else now, please? Rating: 3 suitcases

American Idol - Top three perform and one goes home: Yep, this is the final two we need. Either could win, and both will make it big. Good for Crystal for being huge at the beginning of the season and not burning out or losing votes along the way, as I feared would happen. She and Lee both earned and deserve their places in the final two. Rating: 4 drum solos from that Bieber kid

Glee - "Dream On": For an episode featuring Neil Patrick Harris and directed by Joss Whedon, two of my favorite people ever, this was really disappointing. The Idina-Menzel-is-Rachel's-mom thing is, frankly, ridiculous, and half the episode was predictable. Hopefully next week, with the wacky Lada Gaga-ness and the return to the Kurt/Finn plot, will be good. Though I did like the big dance number in the mall. That was pretty awesome. Rating: 3 cassette tapes

Lost - "What They Died For": I kind of love that Jacob just sat everyone down and explained everything in plain English. I think that was more for the audience than anyone. They could have phoned this episode in, seeing as how it's the last before the big finale, but it was still strong as ever. I think whatever happens, I'll be satisfied with the ending. At least, I hope so. Rating: 4 very surprising appearances by Rousseau, since they said she wouldn't be back!

The Office - "Whistleblowers": For a regular episode, this would have been okay, but for a season finale? No. Nothing happened! There was no cliffhanger (since I doubt Amy Ryan will come back for good, though now that I've said that, she probably will)! This would've been the perfect time to have Angela announce she's pregnant. But no, we get...nothing. Sigh. Rating: 3 YouTube videos of otters

Grey's Anatomy - "Sanctuary"/"Death and All His Friends": I have too many thoughts about this episode, so let's go with a list:

• I figured Derek would be shot and Meredith and Cristina would have to take care of him, but I didn't predict Cristina having to be a cardiac rock star all on her own. That was nice. I also thought Webber would wind up back in charge, with Derek out of commission, but I liked what actually happened better.
• Speaking of rock stars, Alex is awesome for literally dragging himself into an elevator to get help, and Jackson is even more awesome for making Clark think Derek was dead in the OR.
• I also figured that Callie and Arizona would work together on a child and Arizona would end up changing her mind about having kids.
• I also figured that Mark and Lexie would have to take care of Alex together, but I thought they would wind up getting back together.
• Everyone got some really nice moments in this episode. Some people did get more screen time than others, but it was definitely a group episode. This is why Grey's works as an ensemble show - everyone is strong and brings it every time.
• My response to the scene where Clark killed Reed was almost exactly like my response to the scene in Lost where Michael killed Ana-Lucia. Me: "Oh, just shoot her." Gun: "Bang." Me: "Awesome."
• You know a scene is good when you're worried about Clark shooting Cristina in the elevator even though you know there's no way she would die. This episode did intensity incredibly well; even though I knew no one important would be killed, I was still concerned about them. This season was solid, and the season finale was one of their best episodes ever. I already want to watch it again.