May, 2011
May 1st, 2011, 12:03 a.m. - Time travel has never been so funny
11. Another Whole Nother Story (Dr. Cuthbert Soup)
Up next: Bumped (Megan McCafferty)
10:20 p.m. - It's not until you write about chocolate gnome molds setting in the snow that you realize how weird recapping can be
May 4th, 2011, 11:29 p.m. - Someone please explain the purpose Sheryl Crow served this week
May 7th, 2011, 12:11 p.m. - Good idea, poor execution
12. Bumped (Megan McCafferty)
Up next: It (Stephen King)
May 8th, 2011, 4:28 p.m. - Yes, I purposely skipped the obvious "gnome, sweet gnome" jokes
The Amazing Race - "Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen": Yay, Kent and Vyxsin are gone! And we have a great final four! I don't even care that it's a two-hour finale! Okay, only one of those things is a lie. Rating: 5 chocolate gnomes
Desperate Housewives - "I'll Swallow Poison on Sunday": If Tom and Renee don't sleep together (again) by the end of the season, I'll be hugely surprised. Rating: 3 desks
The Killing - "What You Have Left": Why would you EVER get in a car with Stan? I don't care if he's cheerful and tells you you're going for pancakes - DON'T GET IN A CAR WITH STAN. Rating: 4 wacky neighbors
House - "Changes": I'd like the chickens back, please. Rating: 3 beta blockers
How I Met Your Mother - "The Perfect Cocktail": Cockamouse! I love the callbacks on this show. Rating: 4 forbidden martinis
Glee - "Rumours": Great music in this episode. I've never been a huge Fleetwood Mac fan - I like them, but don't love them, though Eva Cassidy's version of "Songbird" is one of my favorite songs - but this episode made me like them more. It also made me like Santana more, not like that's hard. Rating: 4 fondue pots
American Idol - Top five perform and one goes home: James/Scotty finale? It's looking that way, though Haley's certainly putting up a good fight. Remind me to play poker with Lauren sometime - she has no poker face whatsoever. Rating: 3 omelets
America's Next Top Model - "Daniella Issa Helayel": Huh. I...don't really know where this is going. Would they really pick Molly to win? She's not exactly likable. Not that Brittani's much better. Hannah's okay, but not as strong a presence as the other two. Can we get a recount on the Jaclyn decision? Rating: 4 brains
Modern Family - "Mother's Day": This episode could have been a lot funnier. Too much meh. Rating: 3 walking sticks
Grey's Anatomy - "White Wedding": Thank goodness Derek and Meredith are adopting that baby, because I need to see her adorable little face every week. TOO FREAKING CUTE. I loved them slipping in Meredith and Derek's wedding, and the contrast of their simple ceremony with Callie and Arizona's big wedding. Very nicely done, show. Rating: 4 pots of corn porridge
The Office - "Inner Circle": I've never been so unentertained by Will Ferrell in my life. Rating: 2 imaginary eggs
10:42 p.m. - I was going to be fine with any outcome, so...yay!
May 11th, 2011, 10:44 p.m. - I can haz the end of the season?
May 15th, 2011, 11:56 a.m. - "If we've already fomented insurrection, can we be grandfathered in?"
The Amazing Race - "This is Where It Ends": Compared to other all-star seasons (I'm looking at you, Top Chef), I was both satisfied by the whole season and the outcome. I definitely never expected Jen and Kisha to win, but they raced very consistently and definitely earned it. This season showed that an all-star season can be done well, and that casting makes all the difference. Rating: 4 caipirinhas (drinks)
The Killing - "Vengeance": Okay, who thought the political storyline was a good idea? Because seriously, it's REALLY BORING. Also, why was the FBI staking out what looked like a butcher's shop? Are they really going to introduce a suspect we've never met halfway through the season? It's time to start answering questions, writers. Rating: 3 Qur'ans
House - "The Fix": I enjoyed everyone calling each other idiots, because they are. Especially the patient of the week's boyfriend, who poisoned his girlfriend, then suggested to the doctors that maybe she'd been poisoned. You moron. Rating: 3 lab rats
How I Met Your Mother - "Landmarks": Yay, no more Zoey! She hugely overstayed her welcome. Now let's wrap up this season with an episode as strong as the others. Rating: 3 stone lion heads
Glee - "Prom Queen": "Friday"? Really? That was...unnecessary. I did like how they handled Karofsky and Kurt's plot, though. And Jesse as a sudden idiot is hilarious. Rating: 4 crowns
American Idol - Top four perform and one goes home: Boooooooooooooooo. Rating: 3 times per minute I roll my eyes at Scotty
America's Next Top Model - "Ivan Bart": Time for another comparison to the most recent season of Top Chef: Good season, unsatisfactory ending. I'm guessing Brittani will win, if only because Molly has a horrible attitude and can't go five minutes without swearing. Call Brittani the lesser of two evils. Rating: 3 pretty bad video interviews
Modern Family - "Good Cop Bad Dog": Phil is kind of scary. I would probably do what he says, too. Rating: 4 bad-dog treats
Grey's Anatomy - "I Will Survive": I knew Alex would rat Meredith out. It's completely in keeping with his character. Man, Lucy turned out to be a horrible shrew, huh? I guess if Charlie's Angels doesn't work out, she will not be welcomed back to Seattle Grace with open arms. Rating: 3 little trees
The Office - "Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager": One of the best episodes of the season. I love that every once in a while, Dwight gets the upper hand on Jim. I only wish I hadn't read Entertainment Weekly before watching the episode; they ruined the Creed twist for me. Rating: 5 piranhas
May 18th, 2011, 11:56 p.m. - Death to two-hour episodes!
May 22nd, 2011, 7:24 p.m. - You bloody scallywag
The Killing - "Stonewalled": My guess is that Bennet and Mohammad had nothing to do with Rosie's death. I think they're trying to help the girl from the mosque leave the country. Which means I have no idea who killed Rosie. But whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be interesting. Rating: 4 pink Grand Canyon shirts
House - "After Hours": Taub is basically a non-entity to me now, but I liked the other plots in this episode. So...Chase and Thirteen are going to sleep together in the season finale, right? Rating: 4 suspicious moles
How I Met Your Mother - "Challenge Accepted": I figured Lily was pregnant. I also figured Barney would turn out to be the groom. I would be fine with the bride being either Robin or Nora. But seriously, can we focus on the mother? Please? Rating: 4 velociraptors Lily sounds like when she's sick
Glee - "Funeral": The first half of this episode bored me, and the second half was kind of weird. Can someone punch Quinn in the face for me, please? Rating: 3 Willy Wonka videotapes
American Idol - Top three perform and one goes home: Boooooooo! America sucks. Rating: 3 guitar solos from Haley's dad
America's Next Top Model - "Season Finale": They should have either brought someone else for Brittani to see or not let Molly's parents come (despite how awesome they were). I thought it was really crappy of them to let Molly visit with her parents while Brittani didn't get to see her mom in person. I'm not at all surprised Brittani won, though. No way was Tyra going to pick Molly with her sucky attitude. As I said before, this was a great season with a disappointing finale. Bring on the all-star season - it's going to rock. Rating: 3 unfortunate haircuts for Molly
Modern Family - "See You Next Fall": I thought Phil stole the episode. "Hysterical wife, hysterical wife, hysterical wife. Jackpot." Rating: 4 duckie ponds
Grey's Anatomy - "Unaccompanied Minor": Sheesh, last season had a happier ending, and that finale had a bunch of people getting shot. How depressing. Rating: 4 empty bedrooms (and yet Cristina has to sleep on the couch?)
The Office - "Search Committee": Maybe I'm just under his thrall, too, but I think James Spader should be the new boss. And here's hoping Gabe is gone for good. I never liked him, and I never understood why they made him a regular character. Rating: 5 sandwiches you write on
May 24th, 2011, 11:13 p.m. - Yay, I'm done! (I stopped caring two weeks ago!)
"I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke"
May 26th, 2011, 10:50 p.m. - Cue the screaming
May 28th, 2011, 1:24 p.m. - "It's okay, I'm talking to a little boy"
The Killing - "Undertow": I'm sorry, Richmond agreed to drop out of the race if he missed a basketball shot? No. Just...no. Also, totally called the Bennet/Mohammed thing.Rating: 3 basketballs
House - "Moving On": Did anyone buy Shoreh Agdashloo's character dating her assistant? That was a poor casting decision. Speaking of poor decisions, what the crap? This show used to do great season finales. What happened? Rating: 3 cars
American Idol - Top two perform and someone wins: I didn't even watch the ridiculously long finale. Once I was done recapping the Tuesday episode, I was done with the season. No regrets about that. Rating: 2 deflowerings of Mark Kanemura on national TV
Glee - "New York": Let's list all the things that made no sense this week:
Modern Family - "The One That Got Away": Finally, something I liked on TV this week! I like it when they put characters from different families in plotlines together (Phil and Gloria, Claire and Mitchell, Cameron and Manny). I have to admit, I definitely went, "Awwww" when I saw Manny in the boat in the pool. That was really sweet. Rating: 5 sailor suits
So You Think You Can Dance - Atlanta and Bay Area auditions: A terrific end to a blah week of TV. I love this show so much. If the first episode is any indication, we're going to see some amazing dancing this season. Rating: 5 bullets
Awww, Big. I wish they'd taken her with them.
Disappointing. I was really looking forward to this book, too. McCafferty just...isn't that good.
Bonus point for Santana yelling at Rachel in Spanish, though. Rating: 3 zzzzzz