May, 2012
May 6th, 2012, 7:21 p.m. - "You know, when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket"
The Amazing Race - "I Need Hair to Be Pretty": I can't believe we still have to put up with Rachel R. My only consolation is that she probably won't win. Right? Right, guys? She's not going to win, right? Rating: 3 guys awesomely made up like tigers
How I Met Your Mother - "Good Crazy": Meh. I hope the finale is awesome. Rating: 3 tequila shots
Glee - "Choke": I'm overlooking a few things to give this episode a 5, because parts of it were really great and I'm still thinking about them. Awesome song choices as well. Rating: 5 candles (and Blaine says no more)
American Idol - Top five perform and one goes home: I don't care about this season anymore. Stupid America! Rating: 3 sobs from me when Skylar was voted out
America's Next Top Model - "Barney Cheng": One step closer to a Laura/Sophie finale. Carry on. Rating: 3 silkworms
Modern Family - "Planes, Trains and Cars": Yay, Andre's back! I love Andre. I also loved the call-back to Gloria's term for helicopters. Rating: 4 Luke Skywalker dolls
The Big Bang Theory - "The Launch Acceleration": I love Bernadette's dad. They should keep him as a recurring character like Howard's mom. I also love Amy in research mode. Rating: 4 plates of spaghetti with cut-up hot dogs (now I'm hungry)
Grey's Anatomy - "Let the Bad Times Roll": Kind of predictable, but okay. I've heard good things about the finale in a couple weeks, so right now I don't think anything will live up to those expectations. Rating: 3 bathroom sex romps
Degrassi - "Hollaback Girl, Part 2": Okay, FINE! I feel sorry for Bianca now! Are you happy? Rating: 4 notches Mrs. Torres has also gone up in my book
May 7th, 2012, 9:08 p.m. - Why did I do that to myself?
15. The Year of the Gadfly (Jennifer Miller)
Up next: The Strain (Guillermo Del Toro and Chuck Hogan)
May 13th, 2012, 4:29 p.m. - "It's Toon Town, not Toonton. You've been watching too much PBS"
The Amazing Race - "It's a Great Place to Become Millionaires": Yep, pretty much exactly as I expected, except for the part where Dave and Rachel had to go to the finish line twice. Maybe they should change things up with the casting in the future? It's not that much fun if you can pick out the probable final three teams in the first two weeks. Rating: 4 sleds
Glee - "Prom-asaurus": Yeah, let's give Rachel a meaningless title to make her feel better about the fact that her lifelong dream isn't going to come true! Shut up, Quinn. Rating: 3 cardboard crowns
America's Next Top Model - "Nicholas Tse": What the heck was that?? I don't know what happened with Alisha, but it was insane. And it gave us a strong final three, and three models I would be fine with winning. Someone needs to tell Laura to calm down, though. Rating: 4 Sophie freak-outs
Modern Family - "Disneyland": Lily on a leash was probably the best thing I saw on TV last week. Now I see children on leashes in a completely different way. Rating: 4 slippers
The Big Bang Theory - "The Countdown Reflection": This episode made me laugh and say, "Awwwww" an equal amount of times. I think that's the first time this show has done that. I'd love for it to happen more often. Rating: 5 maid of honor dresses
Grey's Anatomy - "Migration": When did they bring Lost back? Rating: 3 worms in people's arms (shudder)
Degrassi - "In the Cold, Cold Night, Part 1": I kind of hated everyone except Clare this week. Oh, and Holly J. Because Holly J. rules all and should have never left. Rating: 3 forged checks
May 19th, 2012, 12:46 p.m. - RIP, Lexipedia
How I Met Your Mother - "The Magician's Code": I thought I didn't care either way about Barney and Robin, but after the last scene, I realized I was satisfied. I do find it funny that after I guessed Victoria would wind up marrying Barney, she was in the episode. Rating: 4 never-before-seen doors
Glee - "Props"; "Nationals": I would like to watch Bizarro Glee on a regular basis, please. I also enjoyed all the meta comments, like how Tina's always in the background, and Sue remembering that she used to stutter. I don't know who chose the songs for Vocal Adrenaline, though. "Starships" and "Pinball Wizard"? That second might be the most random song ever performed on this show. I kind of liked New Directions' choices, and I enjoyed Rachel's performance of "It's All Coming Back to Me," because it showed how much she truly loves singing. Rating: 4 fake switchblades
America's Next Top Model - "Jez Smith": Yep. That's exactly right. Rating: 3 giant perfume bottles
Modern Family - "Tableau Vivant": Good, not great. Give Lily some turkey already! Rating: 3 disgusting-sounding sandwiches named after Jay
Grey's Anatomy - "Flight": Awwww, Lexie! Not cool! Also not cool: Meredith, Derek, Cristina, Mark, and Arizona (oh, and Jerry the pilot) are spending the summer in those woods. Rating: 4 hairspray nozzles used as medical supplies
Degrassi - "In the Cold, Cold Night, Part 2": So...I guess Eli and Clare are back together. And Imogen's a lesbian. What a nothing season this was. Rating: 3 Ferris wheels
May 21st, 2012, 10:29 p.m. - Stop staring at me, creepy cover!
16. The Strain (Guillermo del Toro and Chuck Hogan)
Up next: The Lola Quartet (Emily St. John Mandel)
May 26th, 2012, 12:35 p.m. - "How's that giant fence working out for ya?"
Glee - "Goodbye": I thought this was a good ending to an uneven season. I wish they had tied up a few loose strings, though. What's Kurt going to do? Is Santana staying or going? Who is the father of Sue's baby? But I guess we need a reason to come back next season. Rating: 4 college rejection letters
Modern Family - "Baby on Board": A very nice mix of funny and touching. I only called Gloria being pregnant about three minutes before it happened, and I definitely didn't call Mitchell and Cam not getting the baby at all. There were at least two moments that made me laugh a lot longer than I should have: Alex's date posing "with flash," and Manny's quote from the post title. Rating: 5 hidden pieces of mail
So You Think You Can Dance - Dallas and New York auditions: I'm interested to see how this season goes now that the results show has been cancelled. From what I've heard, the show will handle it in a good way. So far, I'm impressed with the talent. I'm confident there will be a solid group of finalists and we'll get to see some incredible performances. Rating: 4 two-year-olds stealing the show
May 27th, 2012, 9:01 p.m. - Don't worry, Sasha, I don't understand the plan either
17. The Lola Quartet (Emily St. John Mandel)
Up next: Top of the Rock (Warren Littlefield)
May 31st, 2012, 9:44 p.m. - Is it just me or is Nigel Lythgoe getting more violent?
America's Next Top Model - "Season Finale": Yay, Sophie! Other than that, boring. Rating: 3 panic attacks
So You Think You Can Dance - L.A. auditions: I don't remembering seeing any bad auditions! That has to be a first. I would also like to see another first: a brother and sister in the top 20. Team Marshea and Jasmine! Rating: 4 fiery rings
You'd think a book about a secret society would be...I don't know, interesting.
Too many characters, too much exposition, unrealistic dialogue, too many clichés, nothing for the lone female hero to do...and yet I want to read the next one.
It took me a while to get into this, but when things started to come together, I enjoyed it (though things fit together a little too well). Minus points for all the references to Florida, though. We get it. Florida is hot. Move on.