May, 2013
May 4th, 2013, 12:31 p.m. - "I'm available for brunch." "You're available to suck it"
The Amazing Race - "Working Our Barrels Off": Hey, I got what I wanted! I'm fairly sure we'll see Bates & Anthony and Max & Katie in the final three, but I'm not sure who the third team will be. Either one makes sense. I'm definitely rooting for Bates & Anthony to take it. Rating: 4 haggis ingredients I really don't want to think about
How I Met Your Mother - "The Bro Mitzvah": Ralph Macchio was the best part. Come visit again, Ralph Macchio! Rating: 3 balloon animals
Modern Family - "Career Day": Rob Riggle also needs to come visit again. Or be recurring. Either one. And Haley needs to be smart more often. Rating: 4 pickles
Psych - "Santa Barbarian Candidate": This was mostly just an okay episode, but I liked that the main suspect, who seemed corrupt, was actually complete innocent. I also liked the West Wing shout-outs. Rating: 3 negative campaign posters
The Big Bang Theory - "The Proton Resurgence": This may be blasphemy, but I'm not actually a huge Bob Newhart fan. I know, I know. He was good in this episode, and I liked his plot, but the B-plot with the dog was dumb. Rating: 3 dog strollers
Grey's Anatomy - "Do You Believe in Magic": Aww, Bailey. Everything's okay now. Well, for you. Everyone else will probably have something horrible happen to them next. Rating: 4 petri dishes perfectly lined up and creeping me out
May 5th, 2013, 11:36 p.m. - Why Jenny Craig is not the answer
18. Such a Pretty Fat (Jen Lancaster)
Up next: Bright Lights, Big A%# (Jen Lancaster)
May 11th, 2013, 12:21 p.m. - "You're calling me!" "Don't pick up!"
The Amazing Race - "The Beacon of Hope": Yay, hockey brothers! I liked seeing Washington landmarks; everything looked so familiar. I'm only disappointed that they went back to the spy task from the family season. They were in D.C. and couldn't come up with anything else to do? Rating: 5 ball-pit globes
How I Met Your Mother - "Something Old": There's no way Robin and Barney are actually going to get married, right? That would be ridiculous, right? RIGHT? Rating: 4 beanbag chairs
Modern Family - "My Hero": Claire was definitely the star of this episode. The hero, if you will. (Sorry.) She especially shone when she was working behind the counter and did everything on skates. Rock on, Julie Bowen. Rating: 3 gigantic pink teddy bears
Psych - "Office Space": How weird to see David Koechner playing the straight man (and a smart straight man, at that). Too bad they can't bring him back. Was the killer supposed to be like Alec Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross? If not, that was a little scary. Actually, if so, it was still a little scary. That guy was awesome. Rating: 5 scratch-and-sniff stickers
The Big Bang Theory - "The Love Spell Potential": I've always liked Simon Helberg, but this week, he gets five gold stars. More impressions, please! Rating: 4 dice
Grey's Anatomy - "Readiness Is All": My only complaint about this episode was having Meredith fall. That was a needless grab for an emotional response from the audience, especially for a show that always gets emotional responses from the audience. Everything else was great, though, especially the flash mob. I'm not an April/Matthew supporter, but dang, if a guy proposed to me like that, I wouldn't say no either. Rating: 5 window-breaking trees
May 12th, 2013, 1:05 p.m. - It's a little weird reading these out of order
19. Bright Lights, Big A%# (Jen Lancaster)
Up next: Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls (David Sedaris)
May 18th, 2013, 1:48 p.m. - Now I want to go to a David Sedaris book signing and get free swag
20. Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls (David Sedaris)
Up next: Reconstructing Amelia (Kimberly McCreight)
May 19th, 2013, 4:14 p.m. - "She's our person"
How I Met Your Mother - "Something New": That's it? But...nothing happened! Why the big deal about seeing the mother – we still don't know anything about her! I'm honestly not looking forward to next season. Rating: 3 pencil boxes
So You Think You Can Dance - L.A. and Detroit auditions: I was really impressed with both of these episodes. We barely saw any rejections, and I didn't feel like there was any wasted time. They could make an exciting final group out of just the people we've seen so far. I'm very excited for a summer full of awesome dancing. Rating: 5 hip-rolls
Modern Family - "Games People Play": Go away, Jay and Gloria. And where is your baby? Rating: 3 bees
Psych - "Dead Air": I'm sorry, but Garcelle Beauvois was AWFUL. Like, distractingly awful. Please don't bring her back. But please do bring Parminder Nagra back, because she's been great. Rating: 3 sound-effect boards
The Big Bang Theory - "The Bon Voyage Reaction": I could have sworn I read that there was going to be a cliffhanger, but no, no cliffhanger. Yes, something momentous happened, but...no cliffhanger. I guess in the fall, we'll just pick things up four months later. Rating: 3 break-up texts
Grey's Anatomy - "Perfect Storm": Darn you, show. If you kill Richard, I will never forgive you. Rating: 4 wedding rings pinned to scrubs tops
May 25th, 2013, 12:22 p.m. - After all that buildup, you'd think something would happen
21. Reconstructing Amelia (Kimberly McCreight)
Up next: The Love Song of Jonny Valentine (Teddy Wayne)
May 26th, 2013, 3:46 p.m. - I'll break some rules, too, Grandma Gracie!
So You Think You Can Dance - L.A. and Austin auditions: Minnie Driver was awesome. Again, I'm glad that we saw more good than bad auditions, and we're getting to know some of the dancers pretty well before we even know if they're in the finals. There's going to be a lot of great talent in the live shows. Rating: 5 adorable children
Modern Family - "Goodnight, Gracie": This season was very inconsistent, but this episode was terrific. Ty Burrell was the best he's ever been. Even the guest stars were perfect. I didn't even mind Jay that much! Rating: 5 lighters
Psych - "Nip and Suck It": Dulé Hill pretending to have Botox was brilliant. That's the most he's ever made me laugh. I can't believe this season is already almost over. Rating: 4 syringes
May 28th, 2013, 11:03 p.m. - "Sometimes I think it's not that I'm so talented, it's that everyone else in the world is so untalented"
22. The Love Song of Jonny Valentine (Teddy Wayne)
Up next: The Innocence Game (Michael Harvey)
May 29th, 2013, 11:12 p.m. - "Do you think that's what Jesus would ask right now?" "Yes, because he needed money for sandals"
So You Think You Can Dance - Boston auditions: I'm going to have to go with my name sister and root for Jennifer Jones. If she's that good at jazz after switching to it only a few years ago, imagine how good she is at ballet. Rating: 4 giant lampshades
Psych - "No Trout About It": Nooooo, not McNab! Don't get rid of McNab! Oh, yeah, Vick shouldn't go either. But at least she was just suspended. Bring back McNab! Rating: 4 Balance bars
May 31st, 2013, 10:54 p.m. - Better in theory
23. The Innocence Game (Michael Harvey)
Up next: NOS4A2 (Joe Hill)
I love Jen Lancaster a little more with each book I read.
This one is a little scattered, but still good. I'm still looking forward to the ones I haven't read yet.
As usual, Sedaris' essays are a mixed bag, but these were mostly good. I especially liked "Author, Author," about his book tours.
Good, not great. There's too much going on here – pick an issue and McCreight includes it. Sexuality! Paternity! Bullying! Girls being mean to other girls! Catfishing! Suicide! Um...lying! Eh, I'm out.
Basically, Jonny Valentine is Justin Bieber, and his life is pretty depressing. Everything he does is scripted or controlled. He's manufactured to manipulate tweens into falling in love. And now I feel sorry for Bieber. Help me.
As a writer, I sometimes read books and think, "I could have written that better." This was one of those books. Though the pacing was strong, it was almost too fast; some pieces of the story could have used more attention. There's not enough character development. Too many people remember too many things from too long ago. The writing isn't terrific. That said, the ending had a good twist, so the book wasn't completely horrible. It just could have been better.