May, 2019

May 4th, 2019, 2:31 p.m. - "Gotta say, it feels good to be hating hippies again"

Killing Eve – "Desperate Times": I think I blinked and missed the interesting stuff. Rating: 3 giant animal masks

Game of Thrones – "The Long Night": Well, I...did not see that ending coming. I guess they'll spend the last three episodes on political stuff. As of right now, I think Sansa should end up in charge, with Tyrion as her hand. Arya and Brienne can be the kingdom enforcers. Rating: 4 swords in the eye for a wight giant

Barry – "ronny/lily": I spent almost the entire episode thinking it was a dream and Barry would wake up any second. I can't believe it was all real. What drugs were the writers on when they came up with this one? Rating: 4 pairs of nunchuks

Veep – "Super Tuesday": Am I the only one who thinks Andrew faked his death? I mean, how convenient that he's presumed dead just as he was trying to flee the country. How conveeeeeenient. Rating: 4 exploding boats

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 87": Can everyone stop acting like it's Jane's fault that Rafael's upset and everything's been chaotic? She's not the one who faked Michael's death! She's allowed to be undecided. Sigh. Rating: 3 antidepressants

Modern Family – "Commencement": Did Alex do college in three years? I can't believe she's already done. Time for her to...I don't know, build her own rocket and colonize Pluto or something like that. Rating: 4 watches

iZombie – "Thug Death": That was a weak season premiere. Why end with the disappearance of someone we've never met? And two other questions: Why was no one babysitting Ravi while he was acting like a thug? How did Liv get Air Pods in a closed city? Rating: 3 hard-to-find chocolate bars

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Return of the King": This seems like the perfect career direction for Gina. I just didn't get that much out of the episode. Also, Rosa's plot was ridiculous, but Stephanie Beatriz deserves an award for throwing her whole self into it. Rating: 3 knives in the back

Abby's – "Liquid Courage": I like that they're highlighting each character a little, because this is really an ensemble show. And I still really enjoy how they interact with each other and work together. Rating: 4 erotic historical novels

May 10th, 2019, 6:25 p.m. - The critic who called it "sprawling" wasn't lying

21. The Recovering (Leslie Jamison)
It's fitting that a book about overindulging in alcohol is...entirely too much. It's overstuffed. All the literary stuff just wasn't for me. But I really like Jamison's writing, and kept using my "psychic highlighter," wanting to mark phrases that really spoke to me.

Up next: On the Come Up (Angie Thomas)

May 11th, 2019, 2:14 p.m. - "I'm sure there's a site for people whose ex-boyfriends murdered each other. And if there isn't, there should be"

Killing Eve – "Smell Ya Later": Eve's a psychopath, huh? Maybe season 3 will be her and Villanelle committing murder together? While Konstantin cheers them on? I'd watch that. Rating: 4 fake arsenic tablets

Game of Thrones – "The Last of the Starks": Dany would rather commit incest than give up the throne. Yeah, she'd make a great ruler. In better news, I definitely thought Cersei was going to have Tyrion killed, but he's one step closer to surviving the series, so that's nice. Rating: 3 rejected marriage proposals that made no sense anyway, since you guys barely know each other, Gendry

Barry – "The Truth Has a Ring to It": What's worse, Fuches' betrayal of Barry, or Christobal's betrayal of Noho Hank? Don't make me choose. Rating: 4 cars hidden in the woods

Veep – "Oslo": Oh, Minna. I will miss you. Also, I wasn't paying full attention and I missed the moment my theory was confirmed – Andrew faked his own death. Fun times! Also also, the actress playing Beth is killing me, and I want her to become super-famous now. Rating: 4 pieces of intellectual property belonging to...Mike? That can't be right

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 88": Shouldn't Jane's daydream about Rafael being okay while she was with Michael mean that she can be with Michael without worrying about Rafael? Whatever, boooooo. I can't support a Jane/Rafael reunion. He's still making it about himself instead of thinking about how all this has affected her. Rating: 3 lassoed bulls

Modern Family – "A Year of Birthdays": This was both clever and fun. The image of Gloria putting out her birthday candles with a sink hose will make me laugh for weeks. Rating: 4 speed performances of "Fur Elise"

iZombie – "Dead Lift": There's a lot going on here, and I'm having trouble keeping track of all the minor characters and which sides they're on. Also, boo for killing off Francis Capra's character! Rating: 4 possibly illegal sales of the naming rights to the Space Needle

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Cinco de Mayo": I don't have words to describe how much fun this was. I loved every minute of it. All hail Terry Jeffords, champion for at least the next five months! Rating: 5 impostor dog toys

Abby's – "Soda Gun": This show does a great job with hitting emotional notes while still maintaining a high level of comedy. Now we just need a little more character development for Beth and Rosie. Rating: 4 tokens

May 18th, 2019, 2:15 p.m. - "Hey, cool! I'm not the only one who's in denial! It's catching on!"

Killing Eve – "I Hope You Like Missionary!": Why does Eve want to be with Niko anyway? He's so boring. They need to get rid of him on the show. I don't necessarily mean "get rid of him" as in kill him, but...I'm not not saying that, you know? Rating: 4 books to the face

Game of Thrones – "The Bells": Well, I don't know what that was, but it...wasn't great. And it doesn't make me optimistic for the finale. Rating: 3 bursts of wildfire

Barry – "The Audition": Sarah Goldberg was great in this episode. That soliloquy by the pool was perfect. They still need to flesh out her character more, though. But what should I expect for the sole woman on the show? Rating: 4 barbecue buses

Veep – "Veep": So many great things here. Sue! President Richard Splett! Andrew sneaking out after Selina's funeral! Rhea Seehorn finally getting to do something! The Tom Hanks callback from the pilot! I'll really miss this show. Rating: 5 martinis celebrating Selina's death (I hope Catherine gets a lot of therapy)

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 89": Putting Alba and Jorge back together may keep me from being sad if Jane ends up with Rafael. MAYBE. Rating: 4 Romorse baskets

iZombie – "Five, Six, Seven, Ate!": Rose McIver has moves! I'm really impressed! Also, I probably should have done a rewatch before this reason, because I completely forgot that Michelle existed. Rating: 4 poorly executed lifts

Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Sicko"; "Suicide Squad": These two episodes demonstrated the best possible use of guest stars, especially Ken Marino. The second episode was so much fun. Every time I watch the show, I'm grateful all over again that NBC resurrected it. Rating: 5 First Wives Club masks that probably don't exist

May 18th, 2019, 1:24 p.m. - I love that when this first came out, it and The Hate U Give were #1 and #2 on the bestsellers list

22. On the Come Up (Angie Thomas)
Not quite as good as The Hate U Give (which, to be fair, is a huge bar to clear), but I still really enjoyed it. Thomas hits a lot of important themes without making it feel like she's preaching at you. I think it's safe to say that I'd read anything written by her.

Up next: The Dreamers (Karen Thompson Walker)

May 25th, 2019, 2:14 p.m. - "Congratulations! You just invented the police"

Killing Eve – "Wide Awake": Yeah, I don't know where this is going, or why the writers have taken it to where it is. I just need people to stop making dumb decisions. Rating: 3 bugs hidden in rolls

Game of Thrones – "The Iron Throne": All I'm going to say is that most of the characters got what they deserved, however you want to understand that. And I choose to believe that my favorites get happy endings that we'll never know about. Rating: 3 melted thrones

Barry – "berkman/block": How long do I have to wait until the next sesaon? How long will I have to be without Noho Hank? Whatever the answer is, it's too long. Rating: 4 heroin tables Hank wants to buy

Jane the Virgin – "Chapter 90": Is it just me, or is...nothing happening this season? Xo has literally nothing to do. Yara Martinez needs to fire her agent. We get two seconds of movement on the Rose front every week, and that's it. What happened to twists and shocking developments? Rating: 3 orchids Xo cried about (sorry, she did get to do something this week)

iZombie – "dot zom": "There are a lot of characters on the show this season. What should we do to make things easier on the audience?" "...Add more characters?" "Yes, brilliant!" Come on, guys. Rating: 3 people whose names I don't know

May 27th, 2019, 6:02 p.m. - Oh, Mei

23. The Dreamers (Karen Thompson Walker)
There is not a whole lot of plot or development here, but I still loved this book. Walker writes beautifully. I'm adding her to my list of authors to watch.

Up next: Southern Lady Code (Helen Ellis)

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