November, 2004
November 1st, 2004, 5:53 p.m. - 29 days later
Mark your calendars for November 30th, people. That's the day the government will see what Jenn is made of.
November 3rd, 2004, 12:03 p.m. - ...
Canada, anyone?
November 6th, 2004, 10:44 p.m. - Odds and ends
I may be recapping The $25 Million Dollar Hoax ([sic], grr) for Reality News Online, as well as doing some stuff about The Apprentice. I'll post a link if the put my stuff up.
November 7th, 2004, 10:49 p.m. - As promised...
...I'm posting a link to my $25 Million Dollar Hoax preview.
November 9th, 2004, 12:10 p.m. - What did you do last night?
I watched junk and then wrote about it.
November 10th, 2004, 4:48 p.m. - A very merry half birthday to me...
It's my half birthday! If you want, you can buy me half a present.
November 16th, 2004, 11:47 p.m. - Two for the price of one
My latest $25 Million Dollar Hoax recap is up. And this week I started covering the extra footage from The Apprentice, so that recap is up, too. Enjoy!
Also, The Amazing Race is back, so I'm going to be very happy for the next 13 weeks.
November 18th, 2004, 4:12 p.m. - Take that!
One of those e-mail forwards that you can't identify the origin of, but which is still great anyway. By the way, you can also get the same points from the West Wing episode "The Midterms":
Subject: Draft of a Constitutional Amendment to Defend Biblical Marriage
As certain politicians work diligently to prevent marriage between two people of the same sex, others of us have been busy drafting a Constitutional Amendment codifying all marriages entirely on Biblical principles. After all, God wouldn't want us to "pick and choose" which of the Scriptures we elevate to civil law and which we choose to ignore:
Draft of a Constitutional Amendment to Defend Biblical Marriage:
This should clarify the finer details of the Government's righteous struggle against the infidels and heathens among us. (Please note that the Biblical references are from Torah, the Jewish Bible. Other versions and translations of the Jewish Bible such as King James Version, Lutheran, Methodist, etc. may vary...but you get the point.)
Dear President Bush:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and I too now support a Constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage. As you said, "In the eyes of God, marriage is based between a man a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it is an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how we Americans are supposed to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness – Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense at the question.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord – Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Leviticus 11:10 – it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there "degrees" of abomination?
7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife, by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot, and enjoys listening to Howard Stern on the radio. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
November 22nd, 2004, 8:11 p.m. - And so it goes
My latest Apprentice extras recap is up.
November 23rd, 2004, 10:56 p.m. - Another twofer
Happy Birthday, Aaaaaaaron!
My last $25 Million Dollar Hoax article is up. Plus, I'm starting a new Amazing Race column! The first article is up now.
November 25th, 2004, 12:16 p.m. - I suppose there could be slight yams
Happy Thanksgiving!
November 28th, 2004, 6:31 p.m. - Go to the Back of the Class
November 29th, 2004, 12:03 a.m. - Everybody Hates Jennifer
No, not me. The one on The Apprentice My new article is up.
November 30th, 2004, 10:48 a.m. - It's a small world, blah blah blah
Only I could go to a job interview with 30 other people from who knows where in the country and run into someone I know.
• Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Genesis 29:17-28; 2 Samuel 3:2-5.)
• Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (2 Samuel 5:13; 1 Kings 11:3; 2 Chronicles 11:21)
• A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deuteronomy 22:13-21)
• Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden. (Genesis 24:3; Numbers 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Nehemiah 10:30, 2 Corinthians 6:14)
• Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce. (Deuteronomy 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)
• If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Genesis 38:6-10; Deuteronomy 25:5-10)
• In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Genesis 19:31-36)