November, 2009
November 1st, 2009, 9:49 p.m. - So we won't be having a two-female team win this season either
November 2nd, 2009, 12:29 p.m. - Power failure
39. Ravens (George Dawes Green)
Up next: Await Your Reply (Dan Chaon)
November 3rd, 2009, 11:07 p.m. - If you know the name of that thing Legacy did, let me know
"Maybe Nigel is Tryin' to Tell You Something"
November 6th, 2009, 2:12 p.m. - "Can't a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they'll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore? Jeez, when did everyone get so cynical?"
The Amazing Race - "This is Not My Finest Hour": Whether or not they technically quit, I don't care - Maria and Tiffany are gone, which means we're down to almost all non-annoying teams. Don't you love it when that happens? Rating: 4 herrings
Desperate Housewives - "Don't Walk On the Grass": I'm still not loving the Katherine-is-crazy plotline - after all she's been through, this is what puts her over the edge? - but other than that, I like this season. The mystery is simpler than what the show usually does for mysteries, but it's no less interesting, maybe because Julie is so likable and her attack was so out of the blue. For me the most interesting thing about this episode was that Gaby's plot wasn't resolved within the hour, and I'm not sure how it's going to be resolved. Possibly with Gaby being forced to apologize to the principal? Oh, wait, I must be thinking of someone who has that capability. Rating: 4 brooches
How I Met Your Mother - "Bagpipes": The mini slap bet alone made this episode. Gotta love callbacks. I liked the Marshall/Lily stuff but the Robin/Barney stuff bored me. This episode might have worked better if it had come later in the season, after Robin and Barney's relationship had been more established. Rating: 4 pancakes (but none for Marshall)
So You Think You Can Dance - Top 18 perform and two go home: I can't be the only person who thinks Channing has no personality. Also, how is she still here? She sucked as much as Phillip did. And Noelle wasn't anything special either. I didn't even like Bianca that much and I still think she shouldn't have gone before either of them. At least the voters are in control from now on (as much as they can be), so that might bring some balance to the show. Rating: 4 tennis racquets
America's Next Top Model - "Dive Deeper": I was not at all surprised that Sundai went home this week. I would have been shocked if it hadn't been her and Erin in the bottom two, and that was even before the episode started. Jennifer, Nicole, and Laura have been much more consistent than Erin and Sundai. And though Erin is totally annoying and was in the bottom two three freaking weeks in a row, Sundai was never going to make the final two. I'm sorry, but she's in no way high fashion. I don't think the haircut Tyra gave her has done her any favors either. Rating: 4 sea turtles
Top Chef - "Top Chef All-Stars Dinner": I was afraid this was going to be another typical Top Chef clip show, but I liked this format a lot better. Fabio was great as the host, too. I just wish Stephanie had been there. Or, really, anyone but Marcel. And he wonders why the other chefs from his season didn't like him. How about because you're a whiny little man-child who still looks like the Heat Miser? Rating: 4 times I wanted Marcel to just shut up (okay, it was probably more than that)
Survivor - "All Hell Breaks Loose": That was some nice comeuppance for Erik. Never, ever get cocky in this game, because chances are that you'll be taken down. In this game, you're trying to win a million dollars, but so is everyone else. All of your competitors have the same objective: get rid of you so you can't take their money. I don't think Erik knew that. Also, what the heck is wrong with Russell? First he shows off his idol, then he plays it when there's no indication he needs to. He's just taken off all his armor and put himself in the arena in his underwear. Sorry for that mental image, everyone. Rating: 5 fresh new buffs
The Office - "Double Date": You'd think Pam would have figured out that Michael would torpedo his relationship all on his own. You'd also think that someone would have hit Michael a lot sooner than this. The A plot was pretty good, and while the B plot was okay, I think it could have been done better. It got a little old. Rating: 4 bagels
Grey's Anatomy - "Invest in Love": Just like last week, this episode showed how much of an ensemble show Grey's Anatomy is. Arizona is a new addition to the cast and yet she was able to handle carrying her own episode. And I think I've said this before, but I like that some weeks certain characters barely have anything to do, but it's okay because it's better than trying to shoehorn them all in somewhere just so they have something to do. Last week Derek had his own episode, and this week he was barely shown, but there are so many other strong actors on the show that it didn't seem odd. This season has turned out to be very strong, and I'm happy to see that, after last season's bizarreness. Rating: 4 party horns that don't blow
Project Runway - "The Art of Fashion": Ug. I don't even care anymore. Carol Hannah for the win. Rating: 3 episodes Michael Kors has actually appeared in this season
November 7th, 2009, 5:16 p.m. - Wait, so that means...oh, okay
40. Await Your Reply (Dan Chaon)
Up next: I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President (Josh Lieb)
November 8th, 2009, 10:12 p.m. - If this hadn't been a non-elimination leg, I could have used the title "Hay, Hay, Hay, Goodbye"
November 11th, 2009, 7:51 p.m. - The Jungle Book? Really?
"On Second Thought, I Don't Want to Be Like You"
10:58 p.m. - Nathan's going to cry himself to sleep tonight
November 13th, 2009, 10:42 p.m. - I'll be your work husband, Bailey!
The Amazing Race - "This is the Worst Thing I've Ever Done in My Life": Oh, man, I wish Lance had had to do that Switchback task. Also, I wonder if it brought some sort of weird closure to poor Lena. Eh, she's probably just mad that it didn't take anyone even a third as long as it took her. Rating: 5 gnomes they should have blown up
Desperate Housewives - "Careful the Things You Say": Isn't there a law that says you can shoot someone on your property? And can't Susan just use the defense that when she called out to the person she thought was an intruder, Katherine didn't respond, so she had the right to defend herself? Whatever, they stole the Kathy Najimy plot from an episode of Friends, so if they're not going to bother to give it too much though, I'm not either. Rating: 3 jars of pickles
House - "Known Unknowns": I liked the twist on the formula of having a mystery within a mystery - the doctors didn't know what the patient had done so they couldn't figure out what had really happened. I also liked the literal application of the ongoing theme that everybody lies. The Wilson plot was dumb - I don't think he would confess to euthanasia, and no one ever mentioned that House euthanized a patient a few seasons ago - but I'm glad Lucas is back (I'd totally forgotten that I'd read he was returning) and the wrinkle that adds to the House/Cuddy story. This show definitely still knows how to do new things. Rating: 4 oysters
How I Met Your Mother - "The Rough Patch": I was going to give this episode a 3, but that scene in the car tipped it over to a 4. That whole scene was awesome. Also, Alan Thicke as himself! Revealing that there's another embarrassing Robin Sparkles video! Too wonderful for words. Rating: 4 Stormtroopers that aren't actually Stormtroopers
So You Think You Can Dance - Top 16 perform and two go home: What an off week. I did enjoy seeing routines from some new choreographers, though. It's nice that the show has such a variety of choreographers that they can mix things up so much. Poor Peter and Pauline. I figured they'd be going, but Mollee and Nathan were much worse, and Nathan should have gone just for being an idiot. At least Pauline and Peter still have their dignity and maturity. Rating: 3 canes
America's Next Top Model - "Hawaiian Hip Hop": Best final two since Danielle and Joanie! Erin's smug little butt is going home! Jennifer was awesome all the way to the end! Nicole could win it for awkward girls everywhere! The season of shorties turned out to be pretty good after all. Rating: 4 shots of Jennifer with her mouth wide open
Glee - "Wheels": I had mixed feelings about this episode. There was a lot of stuff I liked - the focus on Artie, everything with Kurt and his dad, Puck making pot cupcakes, the Rachel/Kurt sing-off - but I felt like they shoved too much into one episode. They touched on almost every plotline all in one hour. And though I like the idea of making Sue a little more human, this was predictable. Also, the Tina thing was just random and unnecessary. Rating: 3 cupcakes
Top Chef - "Strip Around the World": So everyone's going to shut up about Robin now, right? And Jen's going to stop sucking and start kicking butt again, not least because she's the only woman left? By the way, has Kevin ever been in the bottom three of any challenge? I don't think so. Let's just give him the win now. Rating: 3 disgusting-looking peanut/raspberry/popcorn concoctions
Survivor - "Tastes Like Chicken": Why am I on Russell's side all of a sudden? Why was I happy when he and his tribemates pulled off that blindside? Maybe because Laura's annoying and needs to start living up to her Christian image. Or maybe because Russell seems to be the only person playing the game. If he wins, I actually won't be disappointed. He's already earned it. Rating: 4 rats
The Office - "Murder": The last scene had me almost rolling on the floor. It was just perfect. For some reason I really enjoyed watching actors playing characters who were acting. (Those accents were great, too.) I wish they weren't basically doing a variation on the downsizing/branch-closing plots of the past, but I continue to trust this show to bring things around and make it all work. Rating: 4 lacy gloves
Grey's Anatomy - "New History": I actually guessed that Webber was drinking again (based on a teaser about next week mentioning that Thatcher questions his behavior), but I'm interested to see where that goes. Speaking of going, GET GONE ALREADY, KATHERINE HEIGL. Rating: 4 fake club sodas
11:17 p.m. - When the title is this awesome and still isn't the best part, you know you've found a winner
41. I am a Genius of Unspeakable Evil and I Want to Be Your Class President (Josh Lieb)
Up next: Under the Dome (Stephen King)
November 15th, 2009, 10:42 p.m. - For the next Speed Bump, teams have to wade into the deep end of the kiddie pool!
November 17th, 2009, 11:24 p.m. - Yum
November 18th, 2009, 9:58 p.m. - And that's why you need a personality
"I Need to Feel Appreciated, Like I'm Not Hated"
November 21st, 2009, 1:42 p.m. - "I have a teenager. What if she wants to go to college?" "Have you met her?"
The Amazing Race - "We're Not Meant for the Swamp": Aww, poor Matt and Gary. I really liked them. And they were one of the few teams left who've never had a personal problem with another team that's spilling over into the competition and becoming annoying. But I'm not going to name names or anything. Rating: 3 candelabras
Desperate Housewives - "The Coffee Cup": So clearly Nick isn't the strangler, right? Since that's too obvious? Right? Right. Glad we got that cleared up. Also, Lynette is an idiot. But I liked how her plot and Gaby's plot actually intermingled this week. That rarely happens, and it was clever. Rating: 3 disposable cell phones
House - "Teamwork": So much for our vacation from Thirteen. And we had to lose Cameron in the dumbest way ever. Sigh. But Taub is back! So maybe it'll work out. Yeah, I'm really confident in that. Rating: 3 worms
How I Met Your Mother - "The Playbook": Another great way to play with time on this show. That's one of the things that makes this show unique. That and the fact that Neil Patrick Harris brings it every week, and Alyson Hannigan and Jason Segel are so much fun to watch. Rating: 4 scuba suits
So You Think You Can Dance - Top 14 perform and two go home: I can't be sorry that Ms. Personality went home; I never got a feel for Channing and always saw her as just another generic blonde dancer. And I'm sorry to see Kevin go, but it made sense. I think the decisions from now on are going to get more and more controversial, and sooner rather than later we're going to get to the point where most people feel like no one should have to leave. Rating: 4 flimsy birdcages
America's Next Top Model - "America's Next Top Model Is...": It's been a while since I've felt like I would be fine with whoever won, and though I'm sorry Laura didn't come out on top, Nicole really earned the win. And according to Laura's website, she's working, so I don't think the second-place finish will do her much harm. This was a very satisfying end to a mainly satisfying season. Rating: 5 mascara wands
Glee - "Ballad": The casting on this show is mostly spectacular, but I have to give special props to the person who picked Romy Rosemont to play Finn's mom. She was absolutely fantastic in this episode. And once again, I like that the episode ended without wrapping everything up. That's exactly how it should be. Rating: 4, whose square root is rainbows
Top Chef - "Culinary Olympics": Yeah, Jen! I'm so glad she got her groove back, at least a little. I was really getting worried about her. But we have the final four that seemed obvious from the beginning, and the playing field going into the finals seems more even than it has in any other season. Though if Michael wins, I'm going to cry. Rating: 4 dishes of poorly executed but delicious-sounding orzo/sheep's milk macaroni and cheese
Survivor - "The Day of Reckoning": Villain schmillain - Russell's playing the game and playing it well. Three hidden immunity idols? With only one clue? That's a huge accomplishment. Funny how the people who aligned themselves with him are going to benefit more than they thought. And it looks like once again, the minority tribe is taking out the majority tribe one by one. Rating: 4 angry e-mails John's going to receive from Laura
The Office - "Shareholders Meeting": Meh. It wasn't really...funny. Shouldn't a comedy be funnier than this? Rating: 3 limos
Grey's Anatomy - "Holidaze": I love Bailey. That is all. Rating: 4 glasses of egg nog
November 22nd, 2009, 10:34 p.m. - So how long are we going to talk about the cab?
November 25th, 2009, 4:24 p.m. - Day one of Shakira overload
"Actually, Sometimes, Hips Do Lie"
November 26th, 2009, 12:20 p.m. - That turkey is too cute
November 27th, 2009, 1:06 p.m. - Marry me, Legacy
The Amazing Race - "We're Not Working With Anybody, Ever, Anymore!": Why do we have to have so many drama queens left? Globetrotters FTW. At least they have sense of humor. Rating: 4 stolen cabs
House - "Ignorance is Bliss": Please, please, please, writers, do SOMETHING interesting at some point this season. I've been bored out of my mind for too long. If you don't know what to do, I have some suggestions. They start and end with getting rid of Olivia Wilde. Rating: 3 mini-spleens
How I Met Your Mother - "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap": Good, but not as good as the original Slapsgiving episode. Though I did enjoy that they turned Slapsgiving into a board game and Marshall's song was used in the commercial. To me this episode felt like all the elements were there but there was something missing. Rating: 3 turkeys left in the backseat of a cab
So You Think You Can Dance - Top 12 perform and two go home: I feel a sick sort of satisfaction over the fact that I've been able to predict so many of the eliminations this season. But from here on out, I think it'll be more difficult. (I say that every week, don't I? Why do you still listen to me?) We have a very good top ten - not that that's something new on this show - and everyone has brought something excellent to the table. Even the not-so-great routines were still pretty good. That's the mark of a good crop of dancers. Rating: 5 references to/songs by Shakira
Glee - "Hairography": Another semi-uneven episode - I'm really, really sick of Terri - but there were a lot of moments that made up for it, especially the "Imagine" scene, which was just gorgeous. We need more moments like that. Also, more Michael Hitchcock/Jane Lynch reunion scenes. Rating: 4 really bad wigs
November 29th, 2009, 11:07 - I...kind of don't want any of them to win
The underlying theme of Ravens, a book about a family that wins the lottery and is promptly taken hostage, is power. Who has it? What's the best way to use it? And how can the powerless still retain some control? The book is also, in some ways, a study of how a cult can be formed and take over people's lives. Green's characters are vivid and original, and I never felt like any of their views made the story drag or took away from the action. They all fit together like a perfect puzzle. I also like the way the lottery-winning family, the Boatwrights, is written - they're hicks, but they're far from dumb. They don't know what to do, but on the other hand, they really do.
If Ravens was a puzzle that fit together perfectly, Await Your Reply is a much more complicated puzzle that surely fits together perfectly, if you can just get those two pieces over there to stick. And those three over in the corner. Oh, and that whole bottom row. I think it's a puppy, but it might have five paws. Five awesome paws.
Lieb writes for The Daily Show and used to write for The Simpsons, so his humor's right up my alley. Even if you don't like The Simpsons or The Daily Show, I'm 99% sure you'll enjoy this book anyway. Basically, the title says it all - it's about a 12-year-old maniacal genius who decides to run for class president. And it's beyond awesome.