November, 2013
November 2nd, 2013, 2:29 p.m. - "You went all drill, baby, drill on him. Yeah, he told us. You're grounded"
The Amazing Race - "Get Our Groove On": Aw, I was just starting to like the Beards. Why couldn't it have been Leo and Jamal? Rating: 4 donuts
Homeland - "The Yoga Play": Sorry, Saul, but they might be right not to let you head up the CIA. Your employees never listen to you. That's kind of a problem. Rating: 3 yoga mats
How I Met Your Mother - "No Questions Asked": I loved the wackiness of this episode. They need to use more flashbacks; the restrictions of having everyone in the same place all season isn't quite working. Rating: 4 purple leotards
Survivor - "Swoop in for the Kill": Yeah, you deserved that, Laura B. You have much to learn about this game. Rating: 4 ears of corn
Top Chef - "Lea Michele's Halloween Bash": I'm 85 percent sure that not one of those people at the party is actually a friend of Lea Michele's. But anyway, yay, Michael's gone! Next let's get rid of Travis! Rating: 4 cheese eyeballs (wait, that doesn't sound right)
Grey's Anatomy - "Thriller": Cristina should totally hook up with Shane. She deserves some fun. So does Bailey, so she should just forget about Ben's issues and be happy that she's married to him. Because if I were her, I wouldn't care if he's a doctor or a garbage man. He's HOT. Rating: 3 cupcakes
Scandal - "More Cattle, Less Bull": Let's put all the cards on the table: Olivia's mom is alive, yes? Because this show is already getting more and more like Alias every day, so that's the next logical step. Rating: 5 guns that Quinn is now in possession of, which is a BAD THING
America's Next Top Model - "The Guy Who Becomes a Bat": This is a good final three, though I wouldn't necessarily put Marvin there. I don't get why everyone thinks he's such a good model. I was unsurprised to see Jourdan there – this is hers to lose – and very happy to see Cory there. He's been great all season. Rating: 4 times I thought, "Hi, Renee, have you met karma?"
November 10th, 2013, 12:58 p.m. - "Marshall, when you talk, I feel shut up"
The Amazing Race - "Choir Boy at Heart": That singing Roadblock was one of my favorite tasks they've ever had on the show. I liked how all the racers were so cheerful and encouraging of each other. I bet the non-Roadblocking racers enjoyed watching. Those choir kids were punks, though. Rating: 5 stolen cabs
Homeland - "Still Positive": I'm pretty sure everyone watching went, "Oh, come ON!" at the exact same time. You know what I'm talking about. Rating: 4 plus signs
How I Met Your Mother - "The Lighthouse": Seriously, enough with the road trip already. I can't take it anymore. Rating: 3 prescrambled eggs
Survivor - "Skin of My Teeth": Yes, this was exactly the right thing to do! Next, get rid of Vytas and let him and Aras have to battle each other at Redemption Island. Rating: 4 idols found with very little help
Top Chef - "Campfires, Cream Cheese and Countryside": Thanks so much, judges, for cutting the one person in the bottom three who wasn't annoying. Much appreciated. Rating: 4 pieces of gross-looking funnel cake
The Big Bang Theory - "The Proton Displacement": They get Bill Nye as a guest star and they only use him in one scene? What a waste. Rating: 4 hair diamonds
Grey's Anatomy - "Two Against One": Sorry, Meredith, but you kind of deserved it. Cristina's going to save a freaking life. Make your plastic models some other time. Rating: 4 forks
Scandal - "Icarus": People who make me nervous: Sally. Charlie (always). Quinn. Harrison, though I don't know why. At least he finally got a plot! Rating: 4 deleted, then refiled visas
America's Next Top Model - "Finale Part 1: The Finalists Shoot Their Guess Campaign": We're going to have a Marvin/Jourdan final two, right? Just think of how much more screen time they've gotten than Cory this season, and how much more we know about them than about him. We didn't even know he had a boyfriend until last week! Rating: 4 horrible pigtails they put on Jourdan
November 12th, 2013, 10:48 p.m. - This is what you wanted to write, Marisha Pessl
47. The Secret History (Donna Tartt)
Up next: The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt)
November 16th, 2013, 12:36 p.m. - "Do you kiss your imaginary girlfriend with that mouth?"
The Amazing Race - "Speed Dating Is the Worst": Heh, great title. I figured this would be a non-elimination leg, since they hadn't had one yet, so I didn't feel much tension. And I don't care enough about Nicky and Kim to have felt tension even if I didn't think it was non-elimination. (Sorry, ladies.) Everything else was business as usual: Marie continues to be horrible, Travis and Nicole continue to kill it (even with some mild bickering), and Ally and Ashley continue to bore me. Rating: 4 missed signs
Homeland - "Gerontion": I love that in an episode named after a poem about aging, and mostly focusing on a character who's aging, Saul acted like a ten-year-old. Rating: 4 blackout rooms
How I Met Your Mother - "Platonish": This was exactly what the season needed – a break from the wedding plot, with settings and situations more typical of the previous seasons. Thank you, show. Rating: 4 samosas Robin never got
Survivor - "My Brother's Keeper": Speaking of things that were exactly what a season needed. Thank you, smart people, for sending Vytas to Redemption Island to face off against his brother. I mean, Tina's most likely getting knocked out next, but still, that was definitely the right move. Also, Vytas got annoying, so I'm glad he's out. Rating: 3 stacked coins
Modern Family - "A Fair to Remember": Wow, Gloria's a bitca. Don't put up with that anymore, Manny. Rating: 4 armfuls of toys Lily and Mitch kept winning but no one commented on
Top Chef - "Jazz Hands": Great Quickfire idea, and good move quarantining Nick before it, because that could have been a disaster. Nina continues to rock. Patty was the right choice to go. I've felt she's in over her head all season. Rating: 3 microwave cakes (huh?)
The Big Bang Theory - "The Itchy Brain Simulation": I liked the B-plot better than the A-plot. Rating: 3 Super Mario Bros. Movie DVDs
Grey's Anatomy - "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word": I knew Arizona's affair seemed out of the blue! Now we know why their relationship wasn't on track. Maybe Callie and Arizona can have a baby with Owen? Rating: 5 lost letters
Scandal - "Everything's Coming Up Mellie": Emmy voters, that's Bellamy with two Ls, and Young as in she looks 15 years younger than she is. And DON'T LEAVE HER OUT THIS YEAR. Rating: 5 fatal injections from Quinn, Queen of the Morons
America's Next Top Model - "Finale Part 2: The Guy or Girl Who Becomes America's Next Top Model": I definitely didn't see that coming. I was sure Marvin was going to win. But Jourdan deserved it more – she was consistently better all season, while I never got Marvin's appeal or saw his supposed talent. I thought Cory was better than both of them, but if he couldn't win, I'd rather it be Jourdan than Marvin. Rating: 3 surprise kisses that Marvin did NOT play off well, no matter what he claims
November 23rd, 2013, 12:42 p.m. - "Tell me about your pig"
The Amazing Race - "One Hot Camel": That camel task was brilliant. I especially loved that apparently the racers didn't know they'd be dealing with camels until they got there. The tasks this season have really been entertaining. Rating: 4 crashed wedding parties
Homeland - "A Red Wheel Barrow": Oh, look, it's Brody. Geez, Carrie's handlers have had more screentime this season than he has. Rating: 4 poetry-quoting text messages
How I Met Your Mother - "Mom and Dad": Are we done with Daphne? Because I like Sherri Shepherd, but that character overstayed her welcome. Can we PLEASE get Marshall to the inn already and get on with this? Rating: 3 pictures of Wayne Gretzky
Survivor - "Big Bad Wolf": Nice scrambling by Ciera. This is the first time she's really done something this season to further her game. The sad thing is that she didn't even need to vote for Laura. But at least Laura, unlike many, many people who appear on this show, gets that it's a game and doesn't have any hard feelings about it. Rating: 4 gifted Cokes
Modern Family - "ClosetCon '13": The only plot I liked was the Apollo 13 take-off. Very nicely done. Rating: 3 skeletons
Top Chef - "Piggin' Out": "Hey, let's find the least comprehensible guest judge with the least reasonable connection to food for this Quickfire!" "Sounds great!" Poor Padma. Rating: 4 pieces of popcorn
The Big Bang Theory - "The Thanksgiving Decoupling": Zack! Bernadette's father! Drunk Sheldon! "These are a few of my favorite things..." Rating: 4 beers
Grey's Anatomy - "Somebody That I Used to Know": Is this season's theme really going to be Cristina's alienation? They can't find anything else? Rating: 3 wedding invitations
Scandal - "Vermont Is for Lovers, Too": Step off, Olivia and Mellie. There's a new HBIC, and her name is Maya. P.S. Do what you gotta do, Huck. Rating: 4 stupid houses in stupid Vermont where Olivia makes STUPID DECISIONS
November 28th, 2013, 12:16 p.m. - I read this in 16 days? I just impressed myself
48. The Goldfinch (Donna Tartt)
Up next: Coming Clean (Kimberly Rae Miller)
November 29th, 2013, 1:02 p.m. - Simon!
The Amazing Race - "Part Like the Red Sea": I don't like any of these people anymore. The best suggestion I've seen is for Tim and Amy to ditch their partners and team up. I could get behind that. Rating: 4 stalks of sugarcane
Homeland - "One Last Time": Why does basing the success of a huge mission on Brody's cooperation not seem like a good idea to me? Rating: 4 doses of rapid-detoxing drug
How I Met Your Mother - "Bedtime Stories": I thought this was really clever. All the actors did a great job with the dialogue. I wouldn't want other shows to pick up this idea and replicate it too much, but it was fun. Rating: 5 wedding cakes
Survivor - "Gloves Come Off": Oh, so close to getting the mastermind out of the game. If only Hayden were a tiny bit smarter. Rating: 4 pork chops
November 30th, 2013, 12:18 p.m. - I read this in two days? I just super-impressed myself
49. Coming Clean (Kimberly Rae Miller)
Up next: Undress Me in the Temple of Heaven (Susan Jane Gilman)
I tried to read this a few years ago but couldn't get into it. This time, I mostly liked it. I just didn't like anyone in it.
Let's just say there's a reason this book is on so many best-of-the-year lists.
Miller tells the story that shows like Hoarders don't: what happens to the children of hoarders. It's heartbreaking, and tells us that there's more trauma there than we might expect. The sins of the parents really do haunt the children.