October, 2013
October 5th, 2013, 12:22 p.m. - "My initial diagnosis is that you are gross"
The Amazing Race - "We're Not in Oklahoma No More": Congratulations, casting people, for finding two of the most annoying teams to ever appear on the show. Whoever cast Tim and Marie should be fired immediately. Whoever cast Chester and Ephraim may stay. Rating: 3 confusingly worded clues
Homeland - "Tin Man Is Down": Aaaaand we're back! Apparently the new villain is supposed to be this Magician guy, but it looks more like the new villain is the U.S. government. Hmmm, timely! Rating: 4 Wizard of Oz nicknames
How I Met Your Mother - "Last Time in New York": Can we get Marshall to the inn already? It's more fun when the whole gang's together. Also, can we please FINALLY END THIS ROBIN/TED CRAP? PLEASE? Rating: 3 squirts of hand sanitizer
Survivor - "Opening Pandora's Box": Good riddance, Colton. I don't get what Caleb sees in him. Maybe he's just never seen the real Colton until now. Run far and run fast, Caleb. Rating: 3 basically unused immunity-idol clues
Modern Family - "Larry's Wife": Why is Claire so surprised that Phil's so nice to his clients? That's exactly what Phil's all about. Calm down, Claire. You don't even like him that much. Rating: 3 bagpipers
Top Chef - "Soiree In the Swamp": Early favorites: Nina, Justin, and Carrie. I'm mostly impressed that Nina came out of nowhere to win the first challenge. Take that, Michelin star chefs! Rating: 4 poor little turtles who got eaten
The Big Bang Theory - "The Scavenger Vortex": Loved this episode. I especially liked seeing the different pairings – Amy's right, she and Howard never spend time together. Though now that we know what they do in that time together, I'm not that sorry we never see it. Rating: 5 spots on shirts, brilliantly indicating "Sheldon's spot"
Grey's Anatomy - "Everybody's Crying Mercy": Too much sad. Looking forward to everyone getting dressed up and being hot next week. Rating: 3 parking-lot naps
Scandal - "It's Handled": I spent two weeks this summer shotgunning the first two seasons, so I was really excited for the third season to start. And honestly, I was a little disappointed. The Gladiators didn't get to do anything, and we were forced to watch Olivia and Fitz together. Boo! I need more Cyrus, more Mellie, and, above all, more Huck. Rating: 3 passwords for super-secret meetings with the president
America's Next Top Model - "The Girl Who Gets Punked": Sucks to be Alexandra, but if she has a heart condition that affects her this way, maybe she shouldn't be jumping into a high-stress industry right now? Rating: 3 unicorn heads
October 12th, 2013, 1:16 p.m. - I'm mostly impressed I only took three weeks to read it
43. Far from the Tree (Andrew Solomon)
Up next: The Red Queen Dies (Frankie Y. Bailey)
October 13th, 2013, 12:58 p.m. - "How many people have to pretend to die, Gloria?"
The Amazing Race - "Zip It, Bingo": I'm sorry to see Rowan and Shane go, but...come on. Two huge mistakes in one leg. That was impossible to overcome. In other news, I still have no use for Leo and Jamal, but "Pinky and No Brain" gained them a teeny, tiny point in my book. Rating: 4 newspapers read in salt baths
Homeland - "Uh...Oh...Ah...": I assume the title referred to Dana and Leo's laundry-room escapades, yes? Classy. Next time I have a bad day at work, I'll be comforted by the fact that my boss can't have me committed. Rating: 4 previously clean sheets
How I Met Your Mother - "The Broken Code": More Tim Gunn! We need more Tim Gunn! Okay, and more William Zabka, too. Rating: 3 Marshpillows
Survivor - "One Armed Dude and Three Moms": Yay, Caleb! You get a gold star for orchestrating Brad's ouster. More people need to do what he did: Just announce in front of everyone what you're doing, and hope others join in. Rating: 4 burned clues
Modern Family - "Farm Strong": I always like when they get all the characters together for scenes and have a big, chaotic conversation. I'll admit, I laughed at the groan-worthy bird-related jokes that were only in there for Phil. I also liked Jay for once this week. Rating: 4 boxes of rat poison
Top Chef - "Rebuilding New Orleans": Dang, Carrie! Keep up the great work. But my favorite part of the episode was Padma making it clear that Bret's a moron because he thought more food = better job. No, sweetie. The other teams ran out because people ate it all. Rating: 4 crawfish "saved" by being thrown in the pool
The Big Bang Theory - "The Raiders Minimization": The Sheldon/Amy fight reminded me a tiny bit of Rachel and Joey's fight over The Shining and Little Women on Friends (he ruined a plot point for her, so she told him Beth dies). The Leonard/Penny stuff started out funny but got weird. Still, a solid episode overall. Rating: 5 curly fries that might have been mickies for Sheldon
Grey's Anatomy - "Puttin' on the Ritz": Didn't they do the put-two-patients-in-the-same-room-to-shut-them-up thing before? Eh, it worked, so I guess it makes sense to do it again. I enjoyed Cristina flirting, April and Arizona getting drunk, and Alex actually having something to do. Now he needs a new girlfriend, because Jo...just...Jo, shut up. Rating: 4 cooling blankets used instead of ice
Scandal - "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner": This show is turning into Alias. That is not a complaint. Rating: 4 Acme pens
America's Next Top Model - "The Guy Who Has a Panic Attack": Poor Don. He was too pretty for this world. Rating: 3 snakes that totally could have killed Nina, I'm just saying
October 14th, 2013, 2:37 p.m. - After the brick I just finished, 290 pages and a three-day weekend were nothing
44. The Red Queen Dies (Frankie Y. Bailey)
Up next: An Atheist in the FOXhole (Joe Muto)
October 19th, 2013, 2:55 p.m. - Insert your own "what does the fox say?" joke here
45. An Atheist in the FOXhole (Joe Muto)
Up next: Pines (Blake Crouch)
October 20th, 2013, 2:17 p.m. - "Maybe your friend Gunderson needs to head over to Ikea and assemble a sense of humor"
The Amazing Race - "King Arthur Style": (Cue J. Walter Weatherman voice) And that's why you don't take a big risk this early in the race. (End J. Walter Weatherman voice) Also, boo! Rating: 4 giant puzzles
Homeland - "Tower of David": I might be the only person who liked this. No apologies. I know some people disliked it because it didn't advance the plot, but I'm fine with that. I found it intriguing. Rating: 5 hits of heroin
How I Met Your Mother - "The Poker Game": Boring. BORING. Rating: 3 thank-you notes
Survivor - "The Dead Can Still Talk": My on-screen guide was totally off for this episode; it said there would be a sacrifice and chaos at Tribal Council, but neither of those things happened. That was a pretty cool challenge, though. Rating: 4 steaks
Modern Family - "The Late Show": I liked this episode better when it was on Friends. Rating: 3 unshaken sodas
Top Chef - "Commander's Palace": The women are killing it this season, which is awesome. I can see Carrie and Justin in the finals. By the way, did you know there's a guy named Travis? I did not. Rating: 4 beignets
The Big Bang Theory - "The Workplace Proximity": They need to move away from the relationship stuff. It just reminds us how weird Sheldon is. Rating: 3 balloons burst by lasers
Grey's Anatomy - "I Bet It Stung": I want Jackson and April to get back together, but Stephanie's making it hard for me to root against her. I really like Jerrika Hinton in that role. Points also to Sara Ramirez for being especially adorable this week. Rating: 4 wasps
Scandal - "Mrs. Smith Goes to Washington": I think Huck needs to go back to AA. Mellie does not, and in fact should get drunk more often. Rating: 4 recruitment videos
America's Next Top Model - "The Girl Who Gets Kissed on an Elephant": How is Chris still here? I don't see his appeal at all. Rating: 4 monkeys
October 25th, 2013, 6:26 p.m. - Twin Peaks + Lost + The Village = I have no idea what's going on
46. Pines (Blake Crouch)
Up next: The Secret History (Donna Tartt)
October 26th, 2013, 12:43 p.m. - "I'm sorry. I thought I was wearing a cape today"
The Amazing Race - "Beards in the Wind": Very nice that the same week there was a double leg, there was a cliffhanger. Time to put up or shut up, Marie. Actually, can you put up AND shut up? Rating: 4 needed wheelbarrows
Homeland - "Game On": Great twist at the end. I wonder why they didn't wait longer to reveal it? They must have bigger stuff in store for the rest of the season. RIGHT? Rating: 5 perfectly nice cars Dana just gave away
How I Met Your Mother - "Knight Vision": Great casting with Edward Hermann and Anna Camp (who I know wasn't the original choice), but they were underutilized, especially Hermann. I did like the use of the flashbacks, though. Rating: 3 texts Daphne was a jerk for sending
Survivor - "One-Man Wrecking Ball": Oh, Kat. You never were very good at this game. Rating: 3 numbered tiles
Modern Family - "The Help": I like the manny! I'm a dork. Rating: 3 trips up and down the stairs
Top Chef - "Captain Vietnam": So I guess we're looking at finals with some combination of Justin, Shirley, Nina, and Carrie. Good luck, everyone else! Rating: 3 tomatoes that had no place in any of these dishes
The Big Bang Theory - "The Romance Resonance": I was bored until that song. I gave the episode an entire extra point because of that song. You rock, Howard. Rating: 4 pregnancy tests Penny didn't keep
Grey's Anatomy - "Map of You": The scene transitions were a little distracting and got to be cutesy, but A for effort. More good casting this week, though the show rarely goes wrong in that department. I hope they'll revisit Alex and his father. Rating: 4 mugs
Scandal - "Say Hello to My Little Friend": Anthony Weiner meets Chandra Levy? Weird. Also predictable – I knew the killer was Melora Hardin as soon as we met her. Why can't this show have twists in the client storylines that are as good as the twists in other storylines? Rating: 3 pairs of cowboy boots that do NOT belong in this White House, Ethan
A little overstuffed and repetitive, but mostly fascinating. There are a lot of parents out there who will do anything for their kids.
A good idea that loses a lot in execution. The Red Queen Dies is overstuffed, both with characters and ideas, and not paced well. If your climax involves your killer about to kill someone, we have to care about that someone.
If you're looking for dirt or what you would think of as a traditional exposé, this isn't the place to look. But An Atheist in the FOXhole is still an entertaining look at how the media works, and how what you see on your TV isn't always accurate. And also how sometimes people take jobs they shouldn't because they're desperate. And then they stay there way too long.
It gets weird. Then it gets weirder.