October, 2015
October 3rd, 2015, 1:25 p.m. - The Silver Ribbon Club
32. Furiously Happy (Jenny Lawson)
Up next: Blackout (Sarah Hepola)
October 4th, 2015, 11:47 a.m. - "Hi, Gina Linetti, the human form of the 100 emoji"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "New Captain": Wait, that's all we get of Bill Hader? ...Oh, never mind, we get the Vulture back instead. I'm good. Rating: 4 tablets Rosa will play backgammon on
Quantico – "Run": Since I'm someone who tries not to take shows like this too seriously, it was perfect for me. The nickname people have given it, Grey's Academy, is spot on. Gimme more. Rating: 5 twin switches
The Big Bang Theory – "The Separation Oscillation": I'm glad Penny and Leonard patched things up, because I wasn't about to sit through a season of that mess. Now let's get Sheldon and Amy back on track. She's not dumb enough to let Sheldon get to her like he is. Rating: 3 facts about feuding countries
Scream Queens – "Chainsaw": Glen Powell is still my #1 favorite on this show. Nasim Pedrad is climbing the ranks. I find it weird that Oliver Hudson is playing the father of a college student, since the last thing I saw him in was Dawson's Creek, and he was playing a 20-something-year-old. And I wonder if Jamie Lee Curtis feels strange hitting on Goldie Hawn's son. Rating: 4 Coney costumes
Modern Family – "The Day Alex Left for College": I can barely remember anything from this episode, except Joe actually getting lines. If Mitchell has that much trouble showing compassion to his clients, why not ask for help from Cam, the King of Compassion? Rating: 3 guns
Scandal – "Yes": SHUT UP, QUINN. Rating: 3 plots basically lifted from Legally Blonde
The Amazing Race – "Get in There and Think Like a Dog": I was sorry to see the cousins go, but I liked the other teams at the back of the pack better than them, so...I guess I'm not that sorry. The Detour options this week were really boring, but the Roadblock made up for it. Not only was it difficult for the racers, but it was fun to watch. Rating: 4 pieces of cardboard
America's Next Top Model – "The Guy or Girl Who Came Back": I didn't expect Dustin to do as well as he did, so I was surprised to see him return. The bad news is that Justin, who started out pretty promising, is gone. The good news is that Bellow is also gone. Forever. Yay! Rating: 4 puppies!
October 9th, 2015, 10:46 p.m. - How do you write about things you don't actually remember?
33. Blackout (Sarah Hepola)
Up next: Pretty Girls (Karin Slaughter)
October 10th, 2015, 2:17 p.m. - "You didn't call for help until after the orgy?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "The Funeral": Well, that was a waste of Archie Panjabi. And there wasn't enough drunk Terry. I demand more drunk Terry! Rating: 3 sets of bagpipes
Homeland – "Separation": Is it bad that I like the hackers more than the journalist? I hope she doesn't survive the season. Rating: 3 communion wafers
Quantico – "America": Thanks to my brother's love of UK basketball, I would have aced this week's assignment. Can I be an FBI agent now? I would like to work with Mulder and/or Scully. Rating: 4 walkie-talkies
The Big Bang Theory – "The Bachelor Party Corrosion": Speaking of wasting guest stars, that's all we get of Keith Carradine after not seeing him for years? Boooooo. Rating: 3 flat tires
Scream Queens – "Haunted House": Chad and Hester are ridiculous, but probably the most interesting pair to have a scene together. I'd like to see more of them together, but I'd like some warning first so I can prepare myself. Rating: 4 Chanels beating up misogynists
Supernatural – "Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire": Easily my favorite season premiere since "Lazarus Rising." I really like Jenna; I hope she becomes a recurring character. And I loved the horror-movie feel of this episode. Especially fitting so close to Halloween. Rating: 4 Marks of Cain
Modern Family – "The Closet Case": Eh. I can't even remember half of the episode. Rating: 3 vans taunting Jay
Scandal – "Paris Is Burning": People complained about the return of B613, but I'd much rather deal with that than anything involving Olivia and Fitz. Until Mellie takes over the world, we'll just have to be patient. Rating: 3 jars of hooch
The Amazing Race – "Where My Dogs At?": Things we learned this week: 1) Nice guys do finish last. 2) Kelsey and Joey are a silent threat. 3) There are dogs everywhere in Argentina. 4) Denise is crazy. Rating: 4 riding crops
America's Next Top Model – "The Girl Who Becomes Bootyful": That was nuts, in the best way. Hopefully Dustin's disastrous return will teach the show not to bring models back in the future. Rating: 4 pool jumps
October 17th, 2015, 2:42 p.m. - Crowley is our king! Crowley is our king!
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Boyle's Hunch": Excellent casting of Mary Lynn Rajskub as Genevieve, who I hope we see again. The rest of the episode was kind of eh. I like that Hitchcock and Scully got something to do, though. Rating: 3 cartons of Moose Tracks ice cream
Homeland – "The Tradition of Hospitality": Shouldn't Quinn have killed the recruiter BEFORE she sent those girls off to become suicide bombers? Like, thanks, Quinn, but you kind of waited too long. Rating: 3 want ads
Quantico – "Cover": Eventually I'll probably get annoyed with all the twists in the show, but so far I'm still just enjoying the ride. I hope they stick with this idea of focusing on one person each week so we learn a little more about the characters that way. It helps keep track of everyone's secrets. Rating: 3 cuts Miranda never actually said she would make, so way to pay attention to detail, future FBI agents
The Big Bang Theory – "The 2003 Approximation": Noooo, stop giving in to Sheldon! It'll just make him more powerful! Rating: 3 flip phones
Scream Queens – "Pumpkin Patch": Needs more Chad. Rating: 4 Oakland nachos
Supernatural – "Form and Void": Minus half a point for Jenna's unnecessary death, and minus half a point for how boring Castiel's stuff was, considering it shouldn't have been boring at all. Everything else was fantastic, especially Crowley. He was the episode's MVP. Rating: 4 alphabet blocks
Modern Family – "She Crazy": I figured the ducks would end up imprinting on Claire, but it was still funny. Poor Phil. Speaking of Phil, I can't remember him and Lily ever spending that much time together before. He probably appreciates it, now that his kids are growing up. Rating: 4 goats
Scandal – "Dog-Whistle Politics": Nothing really happened, but yay for Marcus! I've been waiting for him, and he didn't disappoint. Rating: 3 Louvre paintings
The Amazing Race – "Good Old Fashion Spit in the Face": This episode had so much of what makes the show great – gorgeous scenery, fun tasks, strategy, and the takedown of a cocky move. Also, arts and crafts! Rating: 5 giraffe statues
4:58 p.m. - Sisters are doing it for themselves
34. Pretty Girls (Karin Slaughter)
Up next: The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly (Matt McCarthy). I'm also reading City on Fire (Garth Risk Hallberg), but I probably won't finish that until, like, 2018
October 24th, 2015, 2:32 p.m. - "You are trying to objectify me with your male gaze!"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "The Oolong Slayer": Great stuff all around. I like that they got Holt back to the precinct quickly so we don't have to watch him separate from everyone else for a long time. I hope we get to see him and Jake working together again soon. Rating: 5 cacao nibs
Homeland – "Super Powers": Thank you, Quinn. Taking Carrie down might be the best thing you could have done for her. Rating: 3 bulletproof vests
Quantico – "Kill": Okay, Liam, you can go away now. Rating: 4 targets
The Big Bang Theory – "The Perspiration Implementation": Shhhh, Stuart. Just stop talking. Rating: 3 epees
Scream Queens – "Seven Minutes in Hell": Chanel #3 is really growing on me. I'm more interested in her and Chad than any other characters. I did miss Denise this week, though. No more Denise-less episodes! Rating: 4 axes
Supernatural – "The Bad Seed": It started off a little bleh, but I liked how it turned out. Though I wish Rowena and Amara had headed off together to pop up later and cause more trouble. Rating: 4 copies of Dante's Inferno in the original Italian
Modern Family – "The Verdict": Oh, yay, I asked for more Vicki Lewis and I got more Vicki Lewis! Also, Joe is a cutie. Rating: 3 Herms
Scandal – "You Got Served": Ahhhhhh Romy Rosemont Romy Rosemont Romy Rosemont! I love her. Please come back many more times, Romy Rosemont. Rating: 4 Agatha Christie mysteries
The Amazing Race – "King of the Jungle": Another episode full of stuff that makes the show what it is. The ending was disappointing, of course, especially since we're still stuck with Logan and Chris. But at least Rick and Cindy are growing on me. Rating: 4 bowls of fruit
5:32 p.m. - Just so you know, your intern probably has no idea what he's doing
35. The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly (Matt McCarthy)
Up next: Fates and Furies (Lauren Groff)
October 31st, 2015, 2:14 p.m. - "What's a Netflix?"
Brooklyn Nine-Nine – "Halloween, Part III": I figured Amy would find a way to get involved in the competition, and I was happy with the way she did it. This Halloween trilogy was all great. Rating: 5 crowns
Homeland – "Why Is This Night Different?": I really like Miranda Otto as Allison. Excellent casting there. Not so much to my liking: anything and everything about Laura. Rating: 4 cigarettes
Quantico – "Found": I assume Jacob Artist will be back, because otherwise why hire someone who was once on a hit show (Glee) and only give him one line? I also assume that the Caleb/Shelby hookup was just a fever dream I had and will never be spoken of again. Rating: 3 times I just rolled my eyes at the Nimah/Raina plotline
The Big Bang Theory – "The Helium Insufficiency": Michael Rapaport made this episode. Thank you for your contribution, Mr. Rapaport, and please come back again. Rating: 4 viewings of Ernest Goes to Jail
Supernatural – "Baby": This could have been awesome or a disaster, so I'm glad it turned out so well. Even 11 seasons in, the show is still keeping things interesting. Rating: 4 really old pennies
Scandal – "Get Out of Jail, Free": Emmy people, please spell Bellamy Young's name right. Thank you. Rating: 4 rings originally worn by Betsy Ross
The Amazing Race – "My Tongue Doesn't Even Twist That Way": Geez, another double leg? Has there even been a non-elimination leg yet? How long is this season? Eh, it's okay – it's been pretty great so far. Rating: 4 crabs
America's Next Top Model – "The Guy Who Closed the Deal in Vegas": Yay, and now Devin goes next! Right? And then we get the final four we deserve? Well, the final three we deserve, plus Mikey. Rating: 4 roosters
I love pretty much anything by Jenny Lawson. I wanted to keep reading but I didn't want it to end.
I found this very complete. It's short, but there's a fully formed story there. Hepola is an engaging writer, even with blank spaces in her stories.
I was worried about this one, since I disliked Cop Town so much, but this was much better. I mean, it got unnecessarily violent and ridiculous toward the end (maybe don't start a fire if you're not sure you can rescue someone from the place you set on fire?), but still, better.
If you get sick, try to get an intern who's actually learned stuff. Or one who's been there for more than a month. THEY KNOW NOTHING. It's all on-the-job training. You know what? Just don't ever get sick.