General Hospital blog - April, 2012

April 2nd, 2012

Sam meets with Heather, who is guarded with what she knows and the complete opposite of altruistic. Heather finally agrees to talk if Sam gets a letter to Steven. The first answer she gives is even helpful: The baby on the DVD isn't Jason. Patrick shows up at Maxie's arraignment not, as she suspects, to watch justice be served but to tell her he doesn't blame her for Robin's death. Alexis begs Maxie to plead not guilty so they can go to trial, but Maxie doesn't listen. McBain turns to Anna, his former mentor, for help bringing Sonny down. She wants him to be objective but doesn't think she herself can be because of Sonny's relationship with Robin. Steven gives Olivia a lesson in Heather 101. Jason encourages Spinelli to find out who really killed Lisa, so Maxie will have to be exonerated. Michael and Starr are totally going to get together.

If Jason and Franco turn out to be related, I'm going to hurt someone.

The last time Heather was on, I pretty much hated her. Now she's kind of fun.

The amount of people on this show who know other people who just happen to show up in town is mind-boggling.

Wow, I don't think Olivia wanted to talk about her boyfriend's mother while they were naked together.

April 3rd, 2012

Heather tells Sam that the baby on the DVD is Franco, not Jason. Susan didn't know she was pregnant with twins, and after Jason's birth, she lost consciousness and a nurse delivered a second baby. The nurse, Betsy Frank, kept the baby for herself and Heather kept everything quiet. Sam immediately freaks out, thinking her baby could still be Franco's. Carly and Johnny decide to go public, first flaunting their relationship in front of Sonny and Olivia. Sonny crashes Carly's high by asking how Michael feels about her new boyfriend. Kate undergoes hypnosis again, but Connie still won't tell Ewen anything about the gun in her office. She storms out in the middle of the session and flirts with Steven, who later tells an amused Olivia. McBain also wants to know about the gun, but he asks Kate instead of Connie. McBain convinces Anna to help him investigate the accident, though she notes they might wind up clearing Sonny instead of finding evidence against him. Starr eavesdrops as Jason tells Michael he thinks Sonny is innocent, then warns him to stay away from Starr. Olivia asks Sonny to make Johnny shut up about Steven. Luke doesn't want to share Anna with McBain.

Talk about the least surprising twist ever. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who saw it coming a mile away. The better twist would have been that Jason and Franco are identical twins (Franco got plastic surgery, of course), which would render the paternity test invalid. Because contrary to Sam's beliefs, fraternal twins don't have the same DNA, so the paternity test is accurate. (Not to mention that I'm still not convinced Franco actually raped her.)

Also, Franco's a Quartermaine. Weird, right?

Man, Connie wants to sleep with anyone with a pulse, huh?

I'm so sure Olivia would tell Sonny to "take care of" something without thinking he might misinterpret that.

April 4th, 2012

Sam goes home to tell Jason what she learned from Heather, but when he's not there, she realizes she wouldn't know how to tell him anyway. She goes to Alexis' instead and starts to spill everything, but Alexis has to leave. McBain shows up and asks Sam if she wants to confide in him. Sonny gets a restraining order against McBain, but Anna gets it nullified so McBain can keep investigating. He asks Anna to work Olivia, who tells her that Kate wouldn't own a gun, but Connie would, and she's not someone to mess with. Alexis and Anna both wonder if Kate owned the gun found in her office. Further, Alexis points out to Sonny that only three people were in her office the day it was found: Sonny, Kate, and Olivia. Jason goes to Kate for information on the gun and she goes ultra-Connie on him. Heather summons Steven and tells him she's "sane" now and can be released if he'll look after her. He thinks she deserves redemption and agrees to it. Spinelli asks Lulu for access to the files on Lisa's murder so he can find the real killer. Shawn's stripper friend is attacked and manages to pull a visitor's ID from the local history museum off of her attacker. This adds more fuel to Dante's Delores'-husband-is-guilty fire, since he's been working there. Lulu offers to go undercover at the strip club.

I don't like where this Sam/McBain thing is going. Not at all.

Correction from yesterday: Someone pointed out elsewhere that the paternity test was just a preliminary one and only tested for family factors, which means it is, indeed, invalid.

Another correction: Connie doesn't, in fact, want to sleep with anyone with a pulse.

Hey, it's Shawn! I almost forgot he was on this show.

Speaking of forgetting, I think the writers forgot that Spinelli doesn't live with the Morgans anymore.

April 5th, 2012

Sam exercises poor judgment by telling McBain the whole Franco saga. Connie tells Sonny that Jason accused her of owning the gun and got aggressive with her. Ewen and Elizabeth finally have their date, and she tries to find out more about him. All she learns is that he plays the harmonica and may know the Jackses. Spinelli decides he and Matt need to work together to clear Maxie. Dante refuses to support Lulu's big undercover idea. Patrick goes back to work, and it goes as well as anyone would expect.

Nothing against Michael Easton, because I don't really have any problems with him, but does he ever show any facial expressions?

Dear Ewen, could you please answer some questions for me? First: Is that your real name? Second: Are you evil? Third: You're not really Jerry, are you?

Spinelli, if you're under a time crunch here, maybe instead of wasting an hour telling Jason all about the case, you should actually work on it instead.

The only way I could get behind Lulu's plan is if Johnny finds out about it.

April 6th, 2012

McBain offers to get Franco's DNA from his FBI files so Sam can have another paternity test. She has learned nothing and decides not to tell Jason anything. Connie crashes Ewen and Elizabeth's date, eventually driving Elizabeth away. She then makes a pass at Ewen, possibly even groping him. She wants Sonny to walk in on them, planning to send him a text message, but Ewen basically exorcises Connie out of her and takes her to the hospital. (On the plus side, they figure out what Connie's up to and what she and Johnny were probably planning.) Sonny gets the text message anyway, and when he gets to the hotel, a waitress tells him that Kate left with some guy. Matt kind of thinks Maxie might have actually killed Lisa and Briggs, then figures out (with lots of help from Spinelli) that she only confessed because she wants to be punished for Robin's death. He agrees to work with Spinelli, and for some reason they think talking to Elizabeth will give them some information. She tells them Ewen was her mystery savior, and they start wondering if he killed Lisa. Sonny believes Kate over Jason and doesn't listen when he says he thinks there's something wrong with her. Alexis tries to guilt Maxie into telling the truth, or at least opening up to her.

I was on Sam's side about the whole Robin thing, but this is a really, really bad idea.

Seriously, can Connie stay? Please?

Matt, for a doctor, you are a dumb, dumb man.

Alexis needs a vacation.

Back in town: Heather Webber (well, I guess she didn't really leave town, but she's back on the show)

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Luke telling McBain he saved the world; Elizabeth's reaction to Connie's date-crashing; Alexis: "I have accomplished absolutely nothing today!"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ewen's Connie exorcism
Saddest moment: Patrick, as always
Sweetest moment: I thought Alexis was very sweet with Maxie
Least believable moment: Matt has just now figured out that Maxie confessed because she feels guilty about Robin's death
Most annoying character: Sam
Dumbest characters: Olivia, Sam, Matt
Unanswered question of the week: How does Ewen know the Jackses?
Previously unanswered question now answered: McBain hates Sonny because Sonny killed his sister.

April 7th, 2012

Next week: "Carly and Johnny get close to Josslyn." Good thing Jax isn't in town.

April 9th, 2012

Michael hears Starr telling Blair that she wants to see Sonny pay for his crimes. Michael now believes Sonny's innocent and assures him of that. While he's out, Starr visits Anthony, who tells her he saw Sonny shoot his tires. She orders him to testify at the trial. Sam makes exactly the horrible decision she was expected to make. Olivia and Heather meet but don't hit it off very well, especially after Heather tells Olivia about drugging someone's tea, then offers her the same beverage. Steven asks Olivia to make an effort, then discovers Heather missing she's ducked out to see Luke. Ewen encourages Kate to tell Sonny about her condition and commit herself. Kate wants to stand by Sonny during the trial, so Ewen considers committing her against her will. Carly and Johnny break the news of their relationship to Michael, who finds it ironic that Carly spend months telling him to stay away from Johnny and is now doing the exact opposite. No one remembers Tracy's birthday except Luke, who got her a pony. Anna still thinks Kate could be responsible for the accident.

Why in the world does Starr think Anthony's telling the truth? Why doesn't someone list for her the numerous lies Anthony's told in the past?

I could deal with a week where Heather just goes around town, smirking at people.

Yeah, because being stronger than Connie has worked out well for you so far, Kate.

Hey, Luke, my birthday's coming up. Can I have a pony, too?

April 10th, 2012

Carly and Kate get into a huge fight, which leads to a fight between Sonny and Johnny, with lots of accusations and cattiness. Eventually the two couples go their separate ways, and before Connie can make an appearance. Later, after Sonny's asleep, Connie calls Johnny and tells him that if Sonny is acquitted, she wants to put their deal back on the table. Matt distracts Ewen so Spinelli can sneak into his office and look for evidence that he killed Lisa. Instead, he finds Kate's commitment papers and thinks Ewen's trying to commit Maxie. He also jumps to the conclusion that Ewen hypnotized Maxie to make her confess. Ewen tells them he's barely talked to Maxie and had never met Lisa, so their ideas are ridiculous. However, Spinelli and Matt now know that Kate is unstable, and Spinelli leaves Jason a message to let him know. Heather makes Luke really uncomfortable, then guesses that he and Anna are together. She claims to be okay with it, but of course she's just going to keep causing trouble. Johnny offers to end things with Carly if their relationship will be too hard for Michael. She'd rather have sex.

The next time Carly taunts Kate for changing her name and becoming a new person, Kate just needs to say, "Whatever, Caroline."

I'm sure only two women work at Crimson. I mean, yes, Spinelli and Matt turned out to be right, but come on.

The whole Tony Geary/Robin Mattson/Finola Hughes combo is definitely working for me.

Why did they skip Luke's recap of the Heather saga to Anna? I could use a refresher. I didn't even remember Skye being involved.

April 11th, 2012

Kate awakens to a note from Connie thanking her for letting her play the night before. She calls Ewen to let him know but is resigned to go to Sonny's trial anyway. She thinks she can control Connie because she gets a warning before her emergence, in the form of a headache. Spinelli tells Jason that Kate's unstable enough that Ewen thinks she should be committed. Jason doesn't think telling Sonny would be worthwhile since he wouldn't even listen when Jason said there might be a problem. Spinelli tries to hack into Ewen's patient files as Ewen fills out more commitment papers. McBain drops by Sonny's to swear revenge. Starr confesses her visit with Anthony to Michael, who doesn't disapprove. He also comforts her as she continues to grieve and panics over her testimony. Sam sets up a meeting with McBain to get Franco's DNA, but Jason invites himself along, thinking she just has a checkup. Spinelli unknowingly distracts him and Sam gets her sample. Elizabeth and Ewen talk about a rain date for their aborted lunch. Maggie is...still in town.

One more year! One more year! (At least.)

Ewen's a lot more likable now that he's not dealing with Cassandra. I mean, I still think he could secretly be a serial killer, but at least I don't groan any time I see him on screen.

"You know the Quartermaines?" Poor, sweet, naive Starr.

Max, Milo, Maggie - was this Welcome Back Tertiary Characters Whose Names Start with M Day?

April 12th, 2012

Sonny's trial begins, and though the witnesses for the prosecution try their best to pin the accident on him, Alexis notes that no one has any proof. Kate is called to the stand, but it looks like Connie's the one who's sworn in. Sonny spots Michael and Starr together and they pretend they just ran into each other at the courthouse. Heather wants Luke. Luke just wants peace. Tracy wants him to keep his hands off of Anna. Olivia convinces Steven to have Ewen look over Heather's files to make sure she's really sane. Sam lets Kelly in on her secret and is promised that her second paternity-test results will come back in 24 hours. After her appointment, Sam runs into Heather.

Alexis said everything I would have said. I guess that means I could be a lawyer.

Watching Anthony Geary during his scenes with Robin Mattson is making my week.

I'm sure you don't care about opening arguments, Jason, but perhaps you could show your best friend some moral support while he's on trial for murder?

Also, I'm really surprised they didn't have Heather run into Jason at the hospital, and then have Sam worry that she'll say something about Franco.

April 13th, 2012

Heather figures out that Sam doesn't know who the baby's father is and threatens to tell Jason everything. Sam counters by threatening to tell Steven that Heather sold Franco as a baby. She thinks she's won, but Heather gets in another jab by saying she hopes the baby is Franco's. Connie stays hidden, but just barely. Jason's watching Kate reaallllllly closely to see what's going on with her. Anthony perjures himself, then orders Tracy to make him dinner. The prosecution rests and Alexis decides not to put any witnesses on the stand since she doesn't think the DA has proven Sonny's guilty. Matt tries everything he can think of to get Maxie to come clean, and thinks he's getting somewhere when Spinelli interrupts. Carly and Johnny hang out with Josslyn. Anna encourages Tracy to get an annulment, and Luke bugs her about why she can't, so she finally tells him why she married Anthony in the first place.

Well played, Sam. Too bad it's never going to work.

Matt and Maxie have been together for a year and a half and have never said they love each other? That's pathetic. Break up already!

Two cool shots today: Jason leaning forward in court to watch Kate, and the elevator doors closing over Sam's stricken face after Heather's parting shot.

I want Johnny to read me a bedtime story. (Also, that book really exists, and Josslyn has good taste.)

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Luke's facial expressions around Heather
Funniest moment (unintentional): For some reason, I found Sam turning the tables on Heather funny
Saddest moment: All of Starr's issues
Sweetest moment: Luke got Tracy a pony
Least believable moment: McBain didn't go to Sonny's trial
Most annoying character: Kate, just for thinking she can control Connie
Dumbest characters: Sam, Spinelli, Matt

April 14th, 2012

Next week: A verdict already? Fastest trial ever.

April 16th, 2012

Alexis presses Sam to tell her why she came to see her a couple weeks earlier, but Sam doesn't want to talk about it, especially since she's now distracted by thoughts of the second paternity test. Heather also bugs her again before Sam goes to get the results. Of course, she runs into McBain. Jason runs into Kate, who apologizes for her previous blow-up, then blows up again when she starts hearing Connie's voice in her head. She rushes to Ewen's office, where Olivia hears her announce that she needs to get rid of "her." Ewen reveals that he plans to have her committed, and Kate agrees to it but wants to tell Sonny what's going on first. Heather gets out of meeting with Ewen with some spectacular fake tears, then approaches Jason at Kelly's. Sonny figures out that Starr's been staying with Michael and warns that she could be using him. McBain likewise warns Starr not to let herself get caught up in revenge. Delores overhears Dante, Lulu, and Ronnie talking about Eddie and figures out that he's a suspect. She gives Dante her apartment keys and tells him to have a look around since they have nothing to hide. Too bad Dante and Ronnie come back with pictures of the attacked strippers, which they found in a closet.

Five bucks says Sam and McBain talk for half an hour before she opens the results.

Another five bucks says the jury comes back before Kate can tell Sonny anything.

Awww, Michael still has that datebook. Killing me!

I'd love to know exactly who found those photos in Delores and Eddie's apartment, because wouldn't it be convenient for Ronnie to plant evidence after being allowed in?

April 17th, 2012

After a long, stalling conversation with McBain, Sam finally opens the test results, and they're not what she wanted. As expected, the jury comes back before Kate can tell Sonny anything. He's found not guilty, and of course, Starr is beyond furious. She threatens revenge, then runs back to Michael's apartment to pack and leave town. Sonny and Johnny get into it and Jason has to hold Johnny back, which lets Sonny see that his temper is just fine, so he must have been telling the truth about his encounters with Kate. Ronnie hauls Eddie into the PCPD, where Lulu observes him assuring Delores that he's innocent. She might be convinced now, too. Carly is no longer sure Johnny didn't frame Sonny. Heather's attempts to tell Jason what Sam's keeping from him are interrupted. Carly finds out about Michael and Starr's living arrangements and encourages them to support each other.

Someone owes me $10.

I'm legitimately surprised at the test results, mainly because I'd convinced myself that Franco didn't actually do anything. But considering what show this is, and how often paternity tests are messed with, I don't believe the results. Someone noted on another site that Alan's will leaves all of his money to Jason's biological children - could that come into play here?

Dear Starr, threatening a man in a courtroom with police officers around is generally known as a bad idea.

I had to laugh at Johnny asking if Sonny tampered with the jury - remember, the first time he met Lisa, she was a juror at Sonny's trial for Claudia's murder, and he was trying to get her to find him guilty.

April 18th, 2012

Sam actually tells Jason everything. Kate's hallucinations become visual and she pictures Connie taunting her from a mirror. When Connie regains control, Kate winds up in the mirror instead. Connie tells Ewen she'll see him at Ferncliff the next morning, but she's really going to throw Sonny a birthday party and do something spectacular there. Michael tries to throw suspicion onto Johnny, so Starr pays him a visit before leaving town. On the other hand, Carly's now sure that Johnny's innocent and goes to Sonny to tell him that. Olivia interrupts Kate's big revelation to complain to Sonny about Johnny again. Max interrupts the interruption to tell Sonny he's figured out what Johnny has on Steven, so somehow Sonny can now get Johnny to back off. Maggie catches Heather reading Steven's confidential files and gets herself attacked when she calls Heather crazy. Steven gets Heather to meet with Ewen as a condition of her release, but even Ewen can't tell if she's really sane.

Every time Sam told Jason something big, all I could think was, "But wait, there's more!"

Also, didn't Emily and Rebecca's parents sell Rebecca? What's with the Quartermaines and twins who were separated at birth because someone sold one of them?

Connie knows that Ewen's just going to come looking for her, right?

I care about Starr's demo because...?

April 19th, 2012

Jason's madder about Sam keeping secrets again than about the fact that the baby isn't his. Starr learns a little about Johnny's hatred of Sonny, which can't be good. She tells him she has a recording contract but no funding, so he gets her out of her contract and gives her the money to make a record in Port Charles. Sonny keeps bugging Michael about his support for Starr and whether he believes Sonny's innocent. Michael tells him that yes, he does think he's innocent, and Sonny finally seems to listen. Anna encourages McBain to go home and be with his family while he has the chance. He wants to keep pursuing a conviction for Sonny, but he does agree to go home and tell Natalie exactly what he's doing in Port Charles. Spinelli suspects that Patrick killed Lisa and blocked it out. Matt tells him that's ridiculous, pointing out that he was the one who had so much to drink that he doesn't remember what happened. Suddenly Spinelli's list of suspects expands. Patrick's reached the depression stage of grief, and Epiphany's there to support him but not let him wallow for too long.

I know I said I thought Sam was dumb for keeping secrets again, but now that they're out and Jason's mad, I'm back on her side. Yeah, he's hurt, but dang, look at what she's going through. She just found out that her baby's father isn't her husband but her rapist. What's she supposed to do with that?

Kristen Alderson's voice could use some polish, but I actually liked that song.

Okay, Starr, if Johnny asks you to work at a place called Vaughn's, SAY NO.

Epiphany shouldn't be a nurse. She should just go around town being awesome to people and making them feel better.

April 20th, 2012

Connie has a few things in store for Sonny's party, starting with getting Jason there and pretending she wants to make up with him. At the party, Connie flips out (in private) over how much people love Sonny, attacks the cake, then ducks out to seduce Johnny. Johnny is now probably game for being seduced as Sonny has just alerted the police to an organ-trafficking venture he was undertaking (no, you definitely read that right). Lulu goes over the stripper case with Luke, revealing that she suspects Ronnie. He encourages her to tell Dante everything and work with him. Instead, Lulu starts investigating on her own. Michael invites Carly to the party, for some reason, but beforehand she stops by Johnny's place and witnesses him trashing it because of Sonny's meddling. Connie overhears Alexis and Sonny discussing the Kristina/Yale situation and is gleeful for some reason. Sam and Jason are mopey all over the party.

Organ trafficking?? Really? Is that what Johnny was trying to get Steven to work with him on? Is this seriously happening?

Lulu should team up with Delores.

Why would Michael invite Carly to Sonny's party? That's just asking for trouble. And what was up wtih the food thing?

What does Connie care about the Kristina thing? By the way, we're going to have to hear about that for at least another month.

I loved the throwaway scene at the start of the episode with Luke giving Robert random instructions on the phone. I kind of hope they keep that up.

Acquitted: Sonny Corinthos
Arrested: Eddie Cabrera
Birthday: Sonny Corinthos

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Michael's random food-related running gag; "Courage is not an organ, Johnny" (at least I think that was unintentional)
Funniest moment (unintentional): Kate in the mirror
Saddest moment: Call me crazy, but I was sadder about Connie destroying that delicious-looking cake than anything else that happened this week
Sweetest moment: Epiphany consoling Patrick
Least believable moment: Johnny's been trafficking organs
Most annoying character: Jason
Dumbest character: I'm going to say Lulu just because she's using a computer to investigate a cop right where he could see her

April 21st, 2012

Next week: "Connie influences Johnny." Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?

April 23rd, 2012

Connie works Johnny, pressuring him to get revenge on Sonny by taking something from him since Sonny's already taken a lot from him. Sonny finds the destroyed cake and thinks Johnny was responsible. He calls Connie, who yells out, "Johnny, no!" She explains to Johnny that Sonny can either interpret that as a cry of passion or a shout for help. When Sonny arrives, he can either find them in bed together or Connie can tell him that Johnny attacked her. Johnny chooses option A, so when Sonny storms into the penthouse, he finds them naked. Alexis really, really wants to know what's up with Sam and Jason. Sam doesn't correct her when she guesses that Jason's just nervous about parenthood. Michael believes the same thing and reminds Jason that he's already parented another man's child, so parenting his own should be no problem. Alexis encourages Jason to talk to Sam about his problems so she won't go confide in McBain. Ronnie interrupts Lulu's investigation of his schedule and congratulates her for pinning the attacks on Eddie. Lulu winds up more suspicious than she was before and manages to find out that Ronnie was off-duty at the time of every attack. Ronnie's also suspicious and follows her. Luke tells Carly he's genuinely concerned for her now that she's involved with Johnny. He also thinks she's with him to stick it to her ex, which she interprets as Sonny, though he really means Jax. He warns that Johnny might not return her feelings. Olivia's happy that Sonny busted Johnny but is worried that Johnny will still be able to hold the Memphis thing over Steven's head. Sonny assures her that everything's fine, but then one of the organ traffickers implicates Steven as an accomplice. As if that weren't enough, the Memphis police are now in town to talk to him. Michael wonders if Dante has the right attacker this time.

Connie is a much better villain than half the villains we've seen on the show in the past five years.

This may be the first time I've ever wanted Alexis to stop talking.

Awww, Michael. That's the way to do it.

When did Luke become a psychiatrist?

Why are we still doing this Memphis thing??

April 24th, 2012

Sonny thinks Johnny drugged Kate and took advantage of her, but Connie (who's acting very Kate-like) tells him that not only was she a willing participant, but this wasn't their first time in bed. Johnny stupidly taunts Sonny until Sonny pulls out his gun and threatens to shoot both of them. Michael finds the destroyed cake and tells Carly about it, but Carly doesn't think anything's wrong. Now that the birthday boy and hostess have disappeared, she's done partying anyway, so she goes over to Johnny's in time to hear two shots fired upstairs. She bumps into Sonny on his way out, then bursts into the bedroom and finds no injuries or deaths, but plenty of nudity. This time Connie's the one doing the taunting, as Johnny tries to explain to Carly what's going on. Things get more confusing for her when Johnny calls Kate "Connie." Jason's interested to hear that Sam and McBain were alone at Alexis' house for a while, though Sam isn't completely forthcoming with their topics of conversation. Once Michael tells Jason about the cake, he thinks something big is going on and heads to Sonny's house. Max tells him and Michael about McBain's visit and warrant from the FBI, which leads Jason to figure out where Sam got Franco's DNA. Jason then goes to the hospital to find Ewen, and Elizabeth confirms that she saw Sam talking to McBain there a few days earlier. McBain's birthday presents for Sonny are a framed copy of a newspaper article about his sister's death, and a warrant to search his house. Ewen's next to drop by the house, looking for Kate, but Max won't tell him where she is. Alexis is so eager to find out what's going on with Sam and Jason that she asks Michael if he knows anything.

Promo voiceover guy: "It's a crazy good week." Well played, sir. (Emphasis on "crazy," obviously.)

So was that Connie the whole time? I'm confused.

Don't worry, Sam, sooner or later you'll have some sort of pregnancy crisis and Jason will forgive you for everything.

Dang, Alexis, eyes on your own paper, mmkay?

April 25th, 2012

Carly accuses Johnny of sleeping with both her and Kate to get to Sonny, and nothing Johnny tells her will change her mind. She winds up at Sonny's, where he's handling the situation the way he usually does (namely, by drinking). Both of them blame the other's partner for the affair but ultimately agree that revenge would be awesome. And since it's Sonny and Carly, that revenge will most likely involve them taking their clothes off. Johnny tries to throw Connie out, but she's too busy celebrating her success. Finally Kate returns and is horrified that Connie got what she wanted. Sam continues doing exactly what Jason has repeatedly asked her not to: talking to McBain. However, Jason is doing something Sam most likely won't approve of: telling Elizabeth everything. Steven is arrested and taken to Memphis, and when Heather panics, Olivia gets the pleasure of slapping her. She winds up having to tell Dante the whole Memphis story, begging him to go down there and sort things out. Heather has her own plan. Spinelli, Matt, and Cameron shill for a movie.

What I would't give for Michael to show up at Sonny's and tell his parents they're both insane.

Dear Jason, you are a giant hypocrite. Also, you are possibly a pod person, because the real Jason would never tell Sam's secrets, especially to his ex.

Why is the Memphis story suddenly taking place off-screen? Oh, wait, I don't care.

Isn't it, like, 1 in the morning? Because I'm sure Sonny's party didn't start until at least 7 or 8, and that was hours ago. What I'm saying is that Cameron should be in bed, not product-placing a movie he's way too young to see in the first place.

April 26th, 2012

Ewen finds Kate at Johnny's and takes her to his office before they go to Ferncliff. She wants to tell Sonny everything, so Ewen calls him, but Sonny won't answer. Connie emerges quietly, knocks Ewen out, and splits. Sonny stops things between him and Carly before they can make it to the bedroom, telling her that sleeping together won't change anything. He starts to realize that Kate and Johnny's stories don't quite make sense and starts to wonder if Kate is really 100 percent. Sam finally puts all her cards on the table, but Jason's mad that she keeps talking to McBain instead of him. McBain admits to Anna that he thinks Sam is right about them having a connection. She asks him to stay away from her. Johnny feels guilty about hurting Carly, but Anthony's thrilled and wants to move in on Sonny's business. Tracy tries to get Anthony to sign divorce papers, but she's not very sneaky about it. She tells Luke that her only hope is if Anthony dies, and she would be ever so grateful to anyone who decided to take him out, hint hint. McBain has a plan to get Sonny to confess to his sister's death so he can bring him down.

Poor Ewen. He just wants to help people. Though I think that in his six months on the show, he's helped exactly one person (Elizabeth).

I believe that's the first time Sonny has ever deliberately stopped himself before having sex.

Again, I get where Jason's coming from, but...Elizabeth. Yesterday. Confiding. Enough said.

If Tracy asks Jason to kill Anthony, I will die laughing.

Aaaaaand the McBain/vampire jokes are officially old.

April 27th, 2012

Spinelli shares his Matt's-the-killer theory with Elizabeth, who finds it hard to believe. He also shares it with Maxie, who finds it easy to believe, as she saw Matt kill Lisa. The question is how Matt will feel about it when he remembers the night on the boat, as he's starting to. Mac is pretty devastated with Maxie's situation but at least has Anna for support. Oh, and Felicia, who randomly turns up. No one's seen Lulu, which worries Dante, as it should, since Ronnie has her phone. He calls Luke, who tells him that Lulu thinks Ronnie's the attacker, and Dante starts to realize that his friend isn't so friendly. Tracy lets Luke in on her plan to poison Anthony, so he intervenes before she can commit any crimes. Poor Ewen bleeds on his carpet the whole hour because Elizabeth keeps getting distracted before she can find him in his office. Patrick passes Emma off to Elizabeth again, telling her he's consulting over at Mercy so he can be alone. Matt promises Patrick that he'll be more involved with family stuff.

I did not see that coming. I figured Maxie was just being weird.

Hi, Felicia! I...didn't miss you. Sorry.

Ronnie, I've seen the previews with Dante throwing you against the wall, and I have to say, you deserve that and much more.

Hey, Epiphany, I thought you were going to kick Patrick's butt. What gives?

Arrested: Steven Webber
Back in town: Felicia Jones
Injured: Ewen Keenan
Missing: Lulu Spencer Falconeri

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Tracy asking (but not really asking) Luke to kill Anthony
Funniest moment (unintentional): Mac looking at Felicia like she was a ghost cracked me up for some reason
Saddest moment: Poor Mac!
Sweetest moment: Matt and Patrick (I know!)
Least believable moment: I kind of can't believe Johnny actually slept with Connie instead of just pretending to
Most annoying character: Jason
Dumbest character: Johnny, because obviously what happened was going to happen; Ronnie, because...always

April 28th, 2012

Next week: "Connie and Carly work together." Is there a May Fools' Day I'm not aware of?

April 30th, 2012

Mac and Maxie strongly object to Felicia's presence at the courthouse, even when Anna tries to defend her. Maxie swears Spinelli to secrecy about Matt killing Lisa, saying she wants to take the blame so Patrick won't lose his brother and suffer more than he already has. Spinelli tries to go along with her wishes but ultimately can't keep his mouth shut. Olivia goes to Kate for bail money for Steven, but Connie's taking her huge stash of cash and leaving the country. She first tells Olivia that she and Sonny are going on vacation, then comes clean about the previous night's events. Olivia begs her over and over for help, so Connie gives her a dollar and tells her to buy a clue. Dante confronts Ronnie, who continuously denies the accusations as Dante grows more and more upset. Dante finally goes after him physically, so Ronnie tells another cop that Dante's the attacker. He even has boots Dante supposedly wore and crime-scene photos that were supposedly deleted. Dante gets handcuffed to a desk and continues freaking out. Luke decides to search for Lulu, but Heather has his gun. He talks her down, telling her that of course she's completely sane, it's everyone else who's crazy, and sending her home to wait for news from Olivia. He and Anna head to the police station, where Dante tells them that Ronnie's setting him up and has kidnapped Lulu. Maggie finds the paperweight Connie used to hit Ewen over the head and calls the police. Overhearing her tell Elizabeth that whoever hit Ewen should be locked up, Heather thinks she's being maligned. Ewen regains consciousness and tells Elizabeth that Connie was his assailant. Heather remembers Olivia mentioning that Maggie knows about the Memphis situation, so Maggie should probably watch her back.

Yeah, Maxie, I'm sure Spinelli's totally willing to let Matt walk free while you go to prison. That's definitely something he would do.

It's a good day for random actors playing cops and doctors.

I had to laugh at Ronnie and Dante fighting each other in the background while the unknown cop found Ronnie's "evidence." It was...not the manliest of fights.

I know Kodi Kitchen isn't long for the show, very, very careful, Maggie.

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