General Hospital blog - April, 2015

April 1st, 2015

Luke goes to the Spencers' old house and reminisces about the night his mother died (April 1st, 1963) while Patricia tells the story to Bobbie, Tracy, and Lulu. Cue the flashbacks! Tim struck Lena, and Patricia took her to the hospital, where she encountered Steve, Jessie, and Phil. Lena died from her head injury and not appendicitis, as Luke and Bobbie believed. Meanwhile, Luke fought with Tim and killed him with a baseball bat. Patricia came home with Bill, who she met at the hospital, and the two of them hid Tim's body in a wall in the basement, then pretended that he'd run off. Bobbie, Tracy, and Patricia follow Luke to Port Charles and help him remember what really happened: He, not Tim, struck Lena (accidentally). Luke has a retconned memory of Bill's death, and Bill telling him to forgive himself for killing his mother.

Maybe I've been watching soaps for too long, but I didn't find the big Luke revelation all that shocking. (Also, I expected it.) It was more surprising when Luke killed Jake a few years ago.

This episode showed why the show's casting director has multiple Emmys. Also, the actress playing Patricia as a teen looks JUST like Carly #2, Tamara Braun.

It's too bad Audrey wasn't in the first episode – Rebecca Herbst could have played her.

Uh...Valerie's okay, right? Did anyone bother to tell Patricia what happened to her?

April 2nd, 2015

Luke feels horrible for everything he did, both as a teenager and in the past year. His family assures him that they'll stand by him while he gets help. Valerie demands to see Patricia, ignoring Lulu when she promises that Luke won't hurt anyone else. Lulu and Dante take Valerie to Port Charles, where Valerie and Patricia reunite while Dante arrests Luke for his February crimes. It's good timing, because then Patricia dies, leaving Valerie with the family she never knew about and kind of hates. Jason has a dream/memory about asking Sam to move in with him (see October 4th). Hayden tries to brush it off as confusion, but Jason's interested in why he would dream about asking Sam to move into her own home. What he's not interested in is sex with his "wife." Hayden tells Ric that Jason wants to stay in town because Sam helped him get a job. Sam overhears Ric complaining about her, so he pretends he's mad that she's keeping one of Sonny's enemies around. He also tells Sam that Jason's married, and when she seems disappointed, he wonders if she has feelings for him. Elizabeth talks over the Jason situation with Patrick, unsure of whether she should go back to Ric. Lucas wonders why Carly's so interested in Jason's past.

How did Patricia sign the house over to Bill? He was a high-schooler.

Valerie: "We can talk it all through later." Me: "Patricia's not going to survive the week, is she?"

It's a good thing Dante's not a doctor – his bedside manner sucks.

I did not tear up when Luke called Lulu "Cupcake"! I have allergies!

I have to hand it to Hayden – her little comments like "you know how she is" and "you always do this" are nice touches.

Elizabeth: "Do you think I did something terrible in a former life?" Me: "I don't know, but you've done a lot of terrible things in this life."

Who do I talk to about getting more Lucas on the show? I loved his scenes with Carly. "Jake is HOT." Good eye, kid.

April 3rd, 2015

Spencer returns from Boston anxious about the fire and his scar, and worried that he's lost Emma. Sonny tries to give him a pep talk, encouraging him to just be himself. He decides that he needs to give Emma the ring he bought her a while ago and get her to commit. Spencer sees Nikolas putting Jason's ring in the safe and thinks it's his, so he goes into the safe. Shawn ambushes Julian at Johnny's garage to get revenge for a shipment Julian hijacked and a minion he injured. As he's taking Julian away for a beating, Jason arrives and saves his new boss. He asks if he can have a job as a soldier, since his skill set obviously makes him qualified and he needs more money. Julian agrees to think it over, meanwhile asking him to run the garage. The sight of a motorcycle makes Jason remember riding his with Sam, just moments before she shows up at the garage. Ric gives Hayden a new assignment: make Elizabeth think that she and Jason are super-happy and that she has no shot with him. It works, though Hayden goes about it in a gross way. Later, Elizabeth tells Nikolas that Jason's wife has found him. Patrick explains cohabitation to Emma, who's a little nervous about Sam and Danny moving in but thinks it'll go well. Cameron asks Ric to be his lawyer in case Spencer sues, but more importantly, he sees Ric with Hayden. Alexis warns Sam that Jason's probably dangerous, so she should distance herself from him.

Hey, we're making progress on this Jason plot! I'm setting a deadline for all of it to come out and/or for his memory to come back: June 1st, Danny's birthday.

Coincidentally, Elizabeth and I made the exact same horrified face when Hayden said she and Jason had "amnesia sex."

Where's Max? It would have been funny to see Jason beat him up.

After I saw Spencer's Phantom of the Opera mask, I tried to come up with a Cameron Webber/Andrew Lloyd Webber joke, but it's Friday and I'm tired.

Arrested: Luke Spencer
Dead: Patricia Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Patrick and Alexis
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Pretty much all of Wednesday's episode
Sweetest/cutest moments: Carly trying to comfort Valerie; Patrick and Emma
Least believable moment: Patricia signed over a house to a kid who couldn't have been more than 15
Best instance of continuity: I totally remember those weird pink spiky things from Jason's dream (I think Brenda was responsible for them)
Worst instance of continuity: Didn't the Spencers' house blow up? How is it still standing? And it was supposed to be off-limits because of the police investigation, but how have they not found a 52-year-old skeleton in the wall yet?
Hero of the week: Tracy
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Anna, for being suspicious of how much Duke knows
Dumbest character: Patrick, for not talking to Emma about Sam and Danny moving in until the last minute

The week in a nutshell:

April 6th, 2015

Jason tells Sam that he had a weird dream and a déjà vu moment, but doesn't go into enough detail to make her suspicious. He offers her a ride home on a motorcycle, which makes her have her own déjà vu moment. Spencer offers Jason's ring to Emma, who turns it down since it's not his. He gets mad and throws it under the couch, where it will probably stay for the next four months. Michael tells Sabrina that he thinks the Cassadines are trying to take over ELQ. Morgan and Kiki drive Michael to drink by leaking the ELQ news and pretending they're back together. Elizabeth wonders why Nikolas is so insistent that Hayden can't be Jason's wife. Nikolas says he just doesn't want her to try to take advantage of his wealth after he paid all of Jason's hospital bills. Hayden tries to bed Ric, who isn't interested.

I have the feeling we're going to need a drinking game where we drink every time they show the ring.

Why does Michael keep having lunch at the Metro Court? For someone who wants to stay away from his mother, he spends a lot of time where she works.

Poor Sabrina. Stuck with the crazy people.

Ric: "How are you going to tell Jake you're paying for this?" Hayden: "I charged it to you." Me: "But you...didn't answer the question."

I actually wish Ric and Hayden had slept together, and that she'd gotten pregnant and tried to pretend the baby was Jason's. Not that I think Ric should be procreating, of course.

April 7th, 2015

Nikolas confronts Hayden for her fraud, thinking Helena put her up to it. Hayden plays along for a while, then announces that she has no idea what he's talking about – but now she knows that he knows who Jason really is. Michael drunkenly yells at Morgan and Kiki, telling them how horrible they are. While Morgan has someone film the scene, they point out that he's throwing a tantrum in public just minutes after their sister was there. Michael tries to make things physical but is too unsteady to land a punch on his brother. Kiki has an actual conscience and feels bad, while Morgan's thrilled that the plan was successful. He just wishes Avery had been there to solidify that Michael's a bad guardian. He may get his wish, as Michael runs into Sabrina letting Sonny spend a minute with Avery. Valerie causes a scene at the hospital, demanding to see Luke. Dante tries to talk her down, but she's not going to stop until she can confront Luke for his role in Patricia's death. Carlos complains that Julian's letting Jason into his inner circle. Julian's more concerned with the fact that Carlos is causing trouble for the Corinthoses without permission. Patrick doesn't like that Sam's been hanging out with Jason. The show retcons Luke's numerous disappearances over the years by pretending he knew he was going to the dark side and wanted to keep it from his family. Ric tells Sonny that "Jake" shouldn't be a problem much longer.

Part of me finds Hayden annoying, but part of me thinks she's fun. Also, Nikolas deserves to be messed with.

Yesssssss to Michael blasting Morgan for calling him "Mikey." And for pointing out that he's a jobless slacker whose only accomplishment in life is losing $50,000 in online poker. Wow, Morgan's kind of the worst.

They're going to use Dark Luke to excuse every bad thing Luke's ever done, aren't they? Like a certain sexual assault 35 years ago?

You had ONE JOB, Dante. Like anyone's surprised that he screwed it up.

Every time Carlos trashes Jason, Julian should say, "Well, of the two of you, he's the one who DIDN'T kill my sister, so...."

April 8th, 2015

Valerie holds a blade to Luke's throat, threatening to kill him as "justice" for what happened to Patricia. Luke feels so horrible about what happened that he's ready to die. Dante and Lulu arrive, and Dante's able to talk Valerie down, pointing out that her mother wouldn't want her to act like this. Michael tries to keep Avery away from Sonny, but there's a scuffle and Michael knocks over Avery's stroller. Sonny and Olivia are very concerned with his behavior but just think a bartender overserved him. Hayden won't tell Nikolas who's behind her scam, and he won't tell her who Jason really is, so they're at an impasse. It doesn't stop them from having sex, though. Carly catches Nikolas leaving the hotel with makeup on his collar but has no idea how much ammo the identity of his bed buddy would give her. Jason has to remind Carly that he's a mole for Sloane, not her, so he can't tell her anything Julian might have planned for the Corinthos organization. Carly mentions that she's having Spinelli investigate Hayden, which bugs Jason, since he thinks he can trust his "wife." Elizabeth agrees to give Ric another chance. Morgan wonders if Kiki still has feelings for Michael.

Interesting – Luke had the same attitude after he killed Jake, telling Jason to go ahead and kill him because he didn't feel he deserved to live.

Lulu was going to take Valerie to the loft? And have her sleep...where? Send her to the Quartermaines'. She can talk to Sabrina and Tracy about what it's like to lose your mother, and cheer herself up by playing with Avery.

Let's not discuss how much Rebecca Budig looks like Natalia Livingston, and the psychological implications of Nikolas sleeping with someone who looks like Emily. Instead, let's hope Hayden gets pregnant like I mentioned two days ago.

Jason should be happy that Carly's investigating Hayden. If she's wrong, she'll have to shut up (well, theoretically). If she's right, he gets out of a marriage he doesn't want to be in.

Elizabeth, do you not get that Ric is so obsessed with you that he's willing to be your fallback guy? Don't you see a red flag here? And do you not realize that this isn't a second chance, but more like a 52nd chance? Why do you keep doing this to yourself? If he tells you every time you get back together that he's going to change, and he never does, he's not the only problem.

April 9th, 2015

The footage Morgan paid to have filmed is aired on Access Port Charles, so it's not long before everyone knows about Michael's weird behavior. Morgan suggests that Sonny call Child Protective Services and get Avery removed from Michael's custody. Carly resists, not wanting to turn on Michael, but ultimately supports Sonny's decision to protect his daughter. Julian figures out that Morgan and Kiki were behind what happened and admires his niece for being as devious as her mother. CPS makes a fast decision to take Avery from Michael, and since Sonny's still an unfit parent, it looks like Morgan and Kiki will get her. However, Sabrina's very close to figuring out that Michael's medication is the key to his outburst. Ava asks Silas to go to Port Charles and check on Avery, then help her die when he gets back. Silas hates the idea but agrees to it. Olivia tells Ned about Franco's blackmail, so Ned pays the psycho a visit. Nina doesn't appreciate Franco's attitude about the Michael/Avery situation, and accidentally calls Avery "Jamie." She also wants to slow things down a little.

I love that Port Charles has its own gossip show. People can turn on their TVs and go, "Oh, so that's why I heard gunshots last night."

He's a jerk and it was his fault, but points to Morgan for making a parallel between A.J. hurting Jason and Michael almost hurting Avery.

Here's a loophole for you, Silas – since you said you'd help Ava die when you get back to New York, just don't go back. (Actually, here's what should happen: Silas tells Kiki what's going on, and since it looks like she has custody of Avery, she can authorize him to test her bone marrow.)

Can we talk about the "strange glowing rocks washing up on Spoon Island"?

April 10th, 2015

Kiki takes custody of Avery, though Michael's sure that Morgan's orchestrating things to get Avery back to Sonny. Nina gets too close to Avery, and Kiki attacks her, warning her to stay away. Later, someone approaches Avery, and both Nina and Michael are unaccounted for. Franco threatens to spill Olivia's secret to Julian, but Ned calls his bluff, knowing Franco won't give up his leverage. Franco then promises to leave Olivia alone, but only if Ned hands over his ELQ shares. Spinelli presses Maxie to make a decision, and she finally announces that she thinks they should get back together. This comes on the heels of Lucas convincing Nathan to get back in the competition for Maxie. Julian offers Olivia protection from Franco, which she declines.

Yes, Kiki is clearly a better guardian than Michael. As far as I know, MIchael has never threatened to scratch someone's "psycho eyes out." many ELQ shares does Ned have? If Franco really knows his Quartermaine history, he'll know that Ned has a daughter who also has shares...

No, Nathan! You deserve better! See if Valerie's interested!

"I co-own the hotel" is slowly becoming the new "it's my house."

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Sam: "Ric told me." Jason: "Grr. That guy"; Hayden saying Helena sounds like a "real fun lady"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Lulu begging Luke not to give up
Sweetest/cutest moment: Reigning champ Avery Jerome (Corinthos?)
Least believable moment: Maxie watches Better Call Saul
Best instances of continuity: Kiki calling Morgan "Captain"; Franco once kidnapped Aiden; Lucas and Nathan have both been shot
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Dante
Most annoying characters: Morgan, Kiki
Smartest character: Sabrina, or she's at least on the path to being smart
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

April 13th, 2015

Avery vanishes, and Kiki's first thought is that Nina took her. Morgan, however, thinks Michael was responsible. Maxie seems almost swayed by Nathan's pleas to give their relationship another chance, but Spinelli interrupts and announces that they're already back together. Just as Spinelli's ready to declare everything sunshine and rainbows, Ellie shows up. Lulu vows to protect Luke from Valerie while Dante tries to make Valerie feel better about the tension between her and her cousin. A judge decides that Luke should go to Pentonville for his crimes instead of Shadybrook. Shadybrook is definitely the better option, though, because Luke's hallucinating Dark Luke again. A conversation with Felix about Michael's blowup gets Sabrina wondering if the pills he took weren't really allergy medication. Felix offers to have Brad test one to see if they were switched. Scott wonders if Nina is really as mentally stable as Franco insists she is.

Uh...shouldn't they lock down the hospital? That's usually what they do when a child disappears.

Kiki, sweetie, your mother is a homewrecking whore. Don't pretend otherwise.

Felix! Ellie! Today was a good day.

Did they get another new Rocco? This one looks blonder.

Dante, you have four siblings on your father's side. I assume the one you overlooked was Avery, because you have yet to show any interest in her. Or it was Kristina, since everyone forgets about her.

Franco to Scott: "I was just hoping you were someone else." Me: "Same."

April 14th, 2015

Dante and Nathan question their siblings about Avery's disappearance, and both Michael and Nina are offended to be suspects. Nina's further offended that Franco doesn't believe she's innocent or sane. Michael tells Sabrina that he got custody of Avery for the wrong reasons, but he does care about her. He also admits that it hurts him that his family is mad at him. Dark Luke tries to tempt Good Luke back to the bad side, but Good Luke resists, telling Bobbie that he's going to fight to stay good. Ellie doesn't get why Maxie and Nathan are apart after everything they've gone through and the way she gushed about him at Christmas. She thinks Maxie only went back to Spinelli because her other option dropped her. Ellie's having second thoughts about dumping Spinelli, and now it seems Maxie's having second thoughts about taking him back. Bobbie basically offers to get back together with Scott if he'll let Luke go to a psychiatric facility instead of prison. Carly interrogates Nina and Franco, warning that she's keeping an eye on them.

Hey, Dante, you don't need Michael's permission to search the mansion – it's not his house. Do you know whose house it is? Do you want me to tell you? Because I can tell you whose house it is. Everyone knows whose house it is.

Whatever they use to get rid of Dean's Mark of Cain on Supernatural is what Luke should use to get rid of his hallucinated tattoo.

"Are you saying Damian is a consolation prize?" Ellie, next can you go talk to Ric and Elizabeth?

Bobbie, what in the world do you see in Scott?

April 15th, 2015

Ned and Alexis ask Michael to step down from ELQ until the Avery situation has been sorted out. Michael refuses, soothing his anger with a drink. Tracy points out that Ned can get the other shareholders to oust Michael with a vote, but Ned knows he doesn't have the necessary percentages, and that his deal with Franco is going to make things difficult. Luke tries to make up with Sonny, who can sympathize with the aftereffects of childhood abuse. He encourages Luke to face his issues instead of retreating from them. He's also curious as to why Luke targeted him. Luke explains that part of him always felt jealous that Sonny had the life he gave up for his family. Sonny assures Luke that he forgives him, and promises to be there for him in the future. Kiki's conscience makes her feel horrible for what she and Morgan did to Michael, since it led to Avery being grabbed. She also confesses to Julian that they drugged Michael. Franco tries to prove that he trusts Nina by telling her about his deal with Ned. Obrecht urges Nathan to find Avery quickly so that the press will leave the hospital and stop accusing her of being bad at her job. For some reason, she thinks Silas is responsible. Julian bugs Olivia again about how she needs protection from Franco, and she again tells him to back off. Silas assures Ava that he’s going to end her pain.

Michael, if the pills aren't working, STOP TAKING THEM.

There have been a few mentions of Laura recently, so let's hope that means she's going to pop in for a visit. Mostly because I need her to smack some sense into Nikolas.

Nina may be crazy, but she's not dumb. If she'd taken Avery, she would leave the country, not go back to the Metro Court. (In the event that Nina did take Avery, I reserve the right to pretend I never said this.)

Obrecht said that Silas had motive, means, and opportunity to take Avery, then said he didn't have a motive. So which is it? Her only reasoning for thinking Silas kidnapped Avery is that he was gone for a while, showed up when she disappeared, and left again. By that logic, Ellie is 2/3rds of the way to being a suspect.

Obrecht: "Her history of baby theft is well-documented." Me: "So is yours. How are you not in prison?"

April 16th, 2015

Silas is about to euthanize Ava when Nathan arrives to question him about Avery. Silas is no help, and Nathan has no idea who his mystery patient is. After some more chatter, Silas injects Ava with something. Franco demands Ned's 11-1/2 percent, stunning Olivia and confusing Alexis. Ned and Olivia make up a cover story and stop Franco from telling Alexis what the deal is really about. After Alexis leaves, Olivia begs Ned not to hand over his shares, but Ned is willing to give them up to get Franco off their backs. Obrecht thinks Nina's a bad influence on Franco. Nina thinks Obrecht has a crush on Franco, and that Victor might not be Nathan's father. Obrecht warns her not to do any digging, or Obrecht might do some digging of her own into secrets Nina might not even know she has. Julian warns Kiki that she and Morgan could be in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out that they drugged Michael. Michael makes things worse by threatening to send the police in Kiki and Morgan's direction. His second "drunken" blowup isn't as bad as his first, but Alexis has to come and drag him out of the hotel before he gets in too much trouble. Sloane needs a working shower, so Anna offers to let him use hers if he tells her who his CI is. He won't, but he's willing to tell her that the Jeromes are plotting against someone in the Corinthos organization, possibly Duke. Lucy convinces Duke to tango at the Nurses' Ball, but practicing makes him think of Anna. Lucy encourages him to tell her how he feels and win her back. When Duke goes to Anna's room, he finds a bathrobe-clad Sloane instead.

I assume Silas just gave Ava a strong sedative or something to put her in a coma while he looks for a cure? Because I really don't think they're going to write out Maura West.

"I am completely almost not insane." Franco, you keep this up and I'll start liking you again.

If people are going to bring up Victor, can we finally find out who Nathan's father really is?

As far as I'm concerned, the only purpose Duke and Lucy's scenes served was to let us know that the Nurses' Ball is in two weeks.

April 17th, 2015

Jason sees a picture of Robin and tells Sam and Patrick that he finds her familiar. Patrick insists that he's never met her, since she hasn't been in town since he arrived, so Jason wonders if he knew her before his amnesia. Sam figures that he just saw her picture at Wyndemere. Alexis asks Nikolas about the missing ELQ shares, but he plays innocent. He stashes the shares in the safe, where he notices that Jason's ring is missing just as Jason finds it under the Drakes' couch. Spinelli tells Carly that Hayden received a huge amount of money at the same time she showed up claiming to be Jason's wife. It doesn't take much for Carly to figure out that the money came from Ric. Pete demands more money from Ric, but when he's stalled, he turns to Hayden. Spinelli happens to snap a picture of them together. Ned tells Olivia that he's willing to give up his ELQ shares because he cares about her more. So the two of them are finally together, but it doesn't really matter because they're only going to get, like, three weeks together. Franco tells Nina he believes she didn't take Avery, but he sure seems suspicious. Hayden visits Nikolas for more sex and is really getting on my nerves.

I like Carly and Spinelli as partners in crime. I'd love to see the two of them crack this.

$10,000? Weak, Pete. Be more ambitious.

Ric: "This time is going to be different." Me: "Yeah, because it's going to be the last time, because once Elizabeth finds out about your little scheme, she's never going to speak to you again."

Of course they finally get Ned and Olivia on the same page right before Wally Kurth is going to leave.

I was wondering how Nina could have kidnapped Avery without staying with her, but then I remembered Rosalie.

Back in town: Ellie Trout
Kidnapped: Avery Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Franco: "I am completely almost not insane"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Pete calling Ric "Ricky"
Saddest moment: I actually felt bad for Michael when he told Sabrina he was worried about Avery and sad that his family turned on him
Sweetest/cutest moment: Valerie talking to Rocco
Least believable moment: A kid disappeared at the hospital and no one instituted a lockdown, only two officers showed up, and apparently no one told Obrecht
Best instance of continuity: People have been using that Finder Spyder web-search tool for years
Worst instance of continuity: Dante can't keep track of how many kids Sonny has
Hero of the week: Spinelli
Most annoying character: Hayden
Smartest character: Sabrina
Dumbest character: Probably Ric
Unanswered question of the week: Who took Avery?

The week in a nutshell:

April 20th, 2015

Sam's stunned to realize that the ring under the couch is Jason's. Emma sheds light on how it got there, but Sam, Patrick, and Jason can't figure out how Spencer got it in the first place. Fortunately, Nikolas is on the way over to retrieve it, since Spencer was unable to keep quiet about it. Ellie meets Nathan and the two of them blame each other for their relationship woes. Then they commiserate over how the people they want to be with are together. Carly tells Spinelli that she thinks Ric is bankrolling Hayden. Spinelli tells her he saw someone else with Hayden, but he doesn't have proof because the picture he snapped cut off Pete's head. Maxie talks over her love triangle with Lulu, still unsure of what she wants. Lulu admits to Maxie that something about Valerie rubs her the wrong way. Meanwhile, Dante convinces Valerie to stay in town longer, then comforts her over Patricia just as Lulu comes home.

Good luck getting out of this one, Nikolas! No, wait, I don't want to wish you luck. I want you to get busted.

If Nathan and Maxie aren't going to get back together, I will approve of Nathan and Ellie as an acceptable substitute.

Spinelli, your PI skills were very disappointing today. Do better.

Maxie's very brave to drink red wine while wearing all that white. Maybe she took lessons from Olivia Pope.

I don't like where this Dante/Lulu/Valerie stuff is going. DO NOT LIKE.

Sorry, Avery – the police can't look for you right now because they're busy comforting their cousins-in-law, talking about their love lives, and trying to save their mobster ex-boyfriends.

April 21st, 2015

Nikolas lies that Helena got Jason's ring when they were at Crichton-Clark together and left it at Wyndemere when he banished her. He was going to give it to Sam, but he didn't find it until the day of the fire, after which he forgot all about it. Everyone buys the lie, and Sam hopes the ring will give her the closure she's still looking for. Carly "introduces" Hayden to Ric, but they don't give away that they already know each other. However, Hayden claims again that she and Jason had sex, and Carly calls her out by reporting that Jason said the opposite. Later, Carly wants to share the news with Jason, but he wants her to back off of his "wife." Lulu tries to calm down about Valerie and Dante, but she and Valerie both think one of them should relocate. Lulu picks Wyndemere as Valerie's new home, but when she calls Nikolas to discuss it, he's too busy having sex with Hayden to answer the phone. Lucy plays matchmaker for Ellie and Nathan, who will start out with friendship and see where it goes. Nathan thinks they should go to the Nurses' Ball together and make their exes think they've moved on. Maxie encourages Spinelli to get Sam to help him with the Hayden investigation.

So I made a list of the things I'm most looking forward to when the truth about Jason comes out (apart from the obvious stuff):

Way to use your injured kid to sell your lie, Nikolas. When you get to Hell, say hi to all of your dead relatives.

Carly being gleeful about being right always makes me cackle, especially when I'm on her side.

Heh, Lucy watched Dawson's Creek.

Congratulations, Nathan – you and Spencer have the same logic.

April 22nd, 2015

Duke assigns his consigliere/bodyguard, Bruce, to take out Jordan. Meanwhile, Julian sends Carlos to take out Duke, using Jason and Hayden's hotel room as a sniper's nest. Jason asks Spinelli not to continue feeding Carly's imagination that Hayden's a fraud, but Spinelli proceeds. He and Sam enhance the picture of Pete enough to learn his college and year of graduation from his class ring. From there, they find his picture on his college's website, and Spinelli can put a face with a name. Sloane orders Jason to get more details on Duke's planned hit before anyone's life is endangered. Jason guesses that he's more concerned with keeping his job than with saving any mobsters' lives. Jordan and Shawn declare their love for each other, which makes me nervous about her fate. The same may be true for Jordan, since she immediately arranges a meeting with Anna. Anna approves of Patrick's new living arrangements since Sam makes him happy.

If Jordan dies, I swear...

Julian, how could Carlos flip? Duke would never take him in. I don't know why he'd want to go over there anyway; Sonny and Shawn almost killed him.

When they showed the conversation in yesterday's previews, I thought Julian asked why Luke, not Duke, was still alive. And really, why aren't they worried that Luke might rat them out for things he knows about their organization? He could easily make some sort of deal.

Carly and Olivia should permanently ban people from going out on the terrace. People keep getting shot out there, including Olivia.

Jason in shorts. JASON IN SHORTS. What do we do??

April 23rd, 2015

Carlos takes forever in Jason and Hayden's room, first getting interrupted by a phone call from Sabrina, then having to hide when Carly and Spinelli come up to compare "Jake"'s wedding picture to the picture Spinelli found of Pete. Jordan tells Anna once again that she wants out, and Anna tells her once again that the timing is wrong. She warns that her evidence against the Corinthos organization currently only incriminates Shawn, so without furthering the investigation, Jordan would be sending her boyfriend to prison. Anna adds that there's a hit coming, and Jordan realizes she could be the target. Duke feels bad about putting a hit out on Jordan, now that she and Shawn and T.J. are such a happy family. He offers to pay T.J.'s tuition, as if that'll make up for killing his mother. Sonny asks Michael if he knows where Avery is, and claims to believe him when Michael says he had nothing to do with her disappearance. Sonny addresses Michael's supposed drunkenness just as Sabrina arrives with proof that he was drugged. Kiki wants to call off her and Morgan's plan and swap out Michael's pills for real allergy medication. They arrive at ELQ to carry out the plan just as Michael figures out that they were the ones who drugged him. Once Carly and Spinelli confirm that he saw Hayden with Pete, she prepares to give Jason the news. Jason tells Julian that he wants to mob up, promising that he's trustworthy and has no ethical qualms about murder and stuff. Julian believes him but doesn’t want to tell him who Carlos is out killing.

Carlos is a horrible hitman. He didn't even wear gloves.

Stop being mean, Anna!

I'm starting to think Morgan's a sociopath. Duke has more of a conscience than he does.

Jason, you might want to work on finesse.

April 24th, 2015

Anna saves Jordan from Bruce, and though a gunfight ensues, no one is shot. Jordan joins Duke, Shawn, and T.J. at the Metro Court, where Duke is shocked to see that she's alive. She lies that she was alone, and Duke pretends to be appalled that Julian would go after her. He's legitimately appalled when he learns that Bruce took his shot when Anna was nearby. Anna questions Jason about his knowledge of the hit, which he can honestly say he wasn't in on. She believes him since she knows from past experience that he's a better shot than Bruce. Michael accuses Morgan and Kiki of doing exactly what they did. Morgan, of course, denies it, but Kiki fesses up. Sonny's furious, and Michael later tells Sabrina that his relationship with a man he hates is now better than his relationship with his brother. Morgan's less upset about being busted than he is about being the second-favorite son again. (Let's be honest, Morgan – you're third-favorite.) Michael thinks Morgan and Kiki have had Avery all along, and while that's not true, they have her now – when they get back to Silas' place, she's there. Hayden comes home before Carlos can shoot Duke, and Carlos has to convince her that he's Jason's co-worker and just wanted to chat. Too bad Hayden sees his gun and immediately tells Jason what she came home to. Carly tries to tell Jason about Hayden and Pete, but runs out of time before Anna interrupts. Nathan tells Silas that he's no longer a suspect in Avery's kidnapping. Silas tells him that his patient in New York died.

Duke has, like, the opposite of a poker face.

Even without alcohol, all that Alprazolam would have turned Michael into a zombie.

"Now you're crying. Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" THANK YOU, Michael. I hate that "look how upset I am – how can you not forgive me?" stuff that people on soaps always pull. (Example: Britt.)

Today, the role of A.J. Quartermaine will be played by Morgan "Waaaaaah, Why Does Everyone Think I'm a Screw-Up? I Only Screw Up, Like, Every Other Hour" Corinthos.

So Silas has to be the one who took Avery, right? Because no way would Nina just give her back.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Ellie's admiration of Nathan
Funniest moment (unintentional): Carlos' "hoe, don't do it" look when he thought Carly might open his assassin's bag
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Patrick and Anna
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Ellie and Spinelli (, still funny after all this time) don't have a history of good New Year's Eves
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Anna
Most annoying character: Morgan
Smartest character: Sam, who was more Jackal than the Jackal with the picture of Pete
Dumbest characters: Anna and Jordan, for being horrible at having top-secret conversations; Carlos, for leaving fingerprints all over Jason and Hayden's room

The week in a nutshell:

April 27th, 2015

Sonny and Carly head over to yell at Morgan and Kiki, in the process discovering that Avery's back. Carly suspects that Morgan and Kiki engineered her disappearance, while Morgan tries to argue that Michael was behind it. He wants them to keep it quiet because once the truth comes out about Michael's "drunkenness," he'll be able to get Avery back. So now it's going to come down to Sonny and Carly keeping quiet so Sonny can keep Avery, or them telling the truth so Morgan and Kiki will be punished. Michael and Sabrina tell Dante all about the pills and their suspicions that Morgan and Kiki "kidnapped" Avery. Later, Michael expresses his gratitude to Sabrina for sticking by him, and they kiss. Lucy thinks Lulu and her Haunted Starlets need a sixth dancer, so Valerie volunteers. Lulu doesn't think someone with as much dance training as Valerie should have to lower herself to perform with amateurs. Valerie interprets her hesitance as rejection and once again says it might be better if she leaves town. Lulu convinces her to dance with the group, and thinks are better between them, but still tense because Valerie won't shut up about how awesome Dante is. Nathan warns Nina that hospital security footage shows her looking in at Avery, then shuts off just before Avery disappeared. However, he promises that if Nina says she's innocent, he believes her. Meanwhile, Obrecht feeds Franco's paranoia, urging him to search Nina's things for evidence that she took Avery.

If I were one of Carly's kids, I'd be on my best behavior all the time, because she scares me.

So the kidnapper just left Avery alone at Silas'? Nice.

Yeah, I bet Nina, who can barely work a smartphone, knew how to turn off a security camera (and remember, someone said that the person who turned it off was probably a hospital employee).

Obrecht, you can tell Franco that you think Nina took Avery OR you can tell Nathan that you think Silas took Avery, but not both.

Are they trying to create tension for the audience by having Valerie keep threatening to leave town? Because right now, I don't care what she does. But if she wants things between her and Lulu to be more comfortable, she should stop talking about Dante like he's the hot star quarterback and she wants him to score a touchdown for her at the big game.

April 28th, 2015

Sonny, Carly, Morgan, and Kiki hide Avery and keep Dante from searching the apartment. Instead, Dante arrests Morgan and Kiki for drugging Michael. Sonny then tells Michael that his people found Avery, and he'll make sure Michael gets custody back if he drops the charges against Morgan and Kiki. Michael agrees, but only if Sonny gets Ric to withdraw his complaint against Walters and stop pursuing custody. The deals all go through, and the day ends with Morgan and Kiki off the hook, and Avery back with Michael. Michael and Nikolas learn that Ned gave his ELQ shares to Franco, Nikolas from Rosalie and Michael from Ned himself. Nikolas thinks he'll be able to work with this turn of events. Rosalie's still at Wyndemere when Lulu shows up, and Nikolas lets her believe they're dating. Lulu talks him into agreeing to let Valerie stay with him so she and Dante can have some space. It won't stop Dante and Valerie from hugging, though. Franco insists over and over that he trusts and believes Nina, but she doesn't buy it. She announces that she's moving out, then changes her mind and kicks him out. Olivia, you would be shocked to know, has baby-related pain. Sabrina tells Felix about her kiss with Michael, but they're interrupted before she can reveal if she has feelings for him.

I figured it would come down to Sonny choosing Michael over Morgan, but no – he chose Morgan over Avery.

Michael beat Sonny at his own game! The student has become the master!

I liked Dante's reaction to the whole Michael/Morgan mess. If I were a Corinthos, I think I would be Dante, just approaching every situation with, "Are you kidding me with this?"

Speaking of fun reactions, I also liked Lulu's when she thought Nikolas and Rosalie were dating.

Find me one person who cares about Franco and Nina. Just one. I dare you.

April 29th, 2015

Carly tracks down Pete and lets him know she's on to his role in the big Hayden fraud. He won't give up Ric's name, but she’s already figured out he's orchestrating everything. Valerie moves into Wyndemere and quickly catches Nikolas and Hayden making out. Since Lulu told her about Rosalie, she thinks that's who Hayden is, and Hayden has no choice but to play along. Ric and Elizabeth are all cutesy and happy, and he tells Molly that he plans to propose. Sam offers Jason (and Hayden) tickets to the Nurses' Ball to thank him for finding the ring. She admits that she thinks he and Elizabeth would be good together, and he admits that he has no interest in Hayden. Dante tells Olivia that Lulu keeps catching him and Valerie hugging. Olivia guesses that Valerie has a crush on him, but Dante's clueless. Hayden asks Ric to pay back the money she gave Pete (which was $10,000 more than he asked Ric for). T.J. overhears when he tells her to go away before anyone sees them together. Sam overhears Olivia and Ned talking about how Julian's the baby's father. Brad and Lucas think back to last year's Nurses' Ball and how far they've come since then.

God bless you, Genie Francis, for agreeing to come back this summer. Laura is our best chance for a Nikolas turnaround.

Hallelujah, Ric shaved.

Lulu teasing Nikolas about Rosalie is such a little-sister thing. I love it.

Sam, stop shipping Jason and Elizabeth.

And that's why you don't talk about secrets in a public place.

Please tell me that's not Britt at Brad's door.

April 30th, 2015

Pete won't rat out Ric, and Carly figures out that it's because he has his own scheme going to get money. Once she offers Pete more, he confirms that Ric orchestrated the whole Hayden situation. Carly "hires" him to come back to Port Charles with her and make a big revelation at the ball. Elizabeth tells Jason that Hayden bragged about sleeping with him, and he refutes her claims. They admit to missing each other and might have kissed if Hayden hadn't shown up. Molly thinks Ric should hold off on proposing to Elizabeth since they've only been back together for a short time. Ric, of course, is desperate to solidify their relationship before his secrets come out. Britt's back in town to Statler and Waldorf the ball with Brad again. Spencer catches Nikolas and Hayden making out, and Nikolas finally decides that he needs to ban Hayden from Wyndemere. Sam tells Patrick that she knows the baby's real paternity but isn't sure what to do with the information. Patrick advises her to sit on it until after the ball. Spencer's so distressed about his face and his supposed loss of Emma that he refuses to go to the ball. Obrecht bugs Sam about how she, Elizabeth, and Carly have formed Jason's fan club.

It doesn't happen often, but today, I want to be Carly.

Between Britt's return and the rumor that Courtney's going to make an appearance, I feel like I'm being punished for something. What did I do??

This is the second time Patrick's found out about the paternity of one of Olivia's children before everyone else.

What's with Obrecht's obsession with Jason? I'm still wondering if Helena told her to keep an eye on him.

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