April 4th, 2016

Hayden attempts to use Nikolas' hit on her to keep him in their marriage. He's able to wrangle a stand-off by threatening to expose her as Rachel Berlin, then tries to go along with her idea that they can make their marriage work despite everything they've done to each other. The second Elizabeth arrives, Hayden goes to Curtis and asks him to keep copies of all of his findings as insurance in case something happens to her copies. When he finds out she's planning to go back to Wyndemere and carry on with her marriage, he volunteers to be her protector. Nikolas tells Elizabeth that Hayden has been playing him all along and knew he tried to have her killed. He thinks she wants to stay in the marriage because of money and ELQ, though it looks like she really does love him, somehow, someway. Elizabeth wants to know what Nikolas plans to do next, worrying that his insistence on keeping both of them out of prison will lead to another attempt on Hayden's life. Nathan tells Maxie that he married Claudette so she could get a green card, and while he fell in love with her, she was just using him (and sleeping with someone else). Maxie's able to move past this, considering she was in a similar situation with Levi, but she'd like some assurance that Nathan won't keep anymore secrets. He says he won't, but a conversation with Obrecht reveals that he didn't tell Maxie the entire truth. Julian arrives before Curtis can tell Nina he's the saboteur, and when Curtis won't talk with him around, Nina figures it out on her own. Some things are thrown and a little blood is drawn, but ultimately Nina agrees to keep quiet if Julian will hand over complete control of Crimson. Tracy spends the day chatting and playing Monopoly with Finn, and just when it looks like she's really on the road to recovery, she has another seizure. Shawn gives Sam and Jason answers to most of their questions, telling them that Hayden has already been there looking for answers and also believes she was the real target in the garage. Jason's sure that the shooter was after Hayden, not Rachel, but he and Sam haven't yet made the jump to figuring out who was behind the hit. Things Obrecht doesn't like: Finn, Franco's friendship with Elizabeth, puppies, rainbows, children's laughter.

I could not be more confused about Hayden's motives if I tried.

I assume that Nathan and Claudette have a child together, because I can't think of any other big secret he would be keeping from Maxie. Not that it matters – he's already half ruined. They might as well go ahead and finish him off.

Nina should have made Julian clean up the office, too.

I don't remember Jason and Shawn ever being actual friends, but whatever.

Didn't Elizabeth have any kind of homeowner's insurance?

Fire whoever did Roger Howarth's hair today.

I'm begging this show to stop having women call each other bitches. Please.

April 5th, 2016

Hayden tells Curtis that she wants Nikolas' money so she can pay back her father's investors. Curtis thinks she's pretty screwed up if she's willing to risk her life for it. Hayden takes steps to protect herself by having him move in. Sam and Jason are surprised that Nikolas is moving back to Wyndemere and claims he and Hayden are going to work things out because they love each other. Jason figures out that Hayden has something on Nikolas, and from there Sam figures out that he was behind her shooting. Tracy needs surgery and chooses to have Griffin perform it rather than Mayes. Obrecht accuses Finn of manipulating her into picking the lesser doctor, like, if Griffin isn't capable, why did you hire him? Griffin: "Blah blah blah forgiveness." Sonny: "Let's go with justice first." Anna: "While you boys are gabbing, I'll do something productive and get the bug back from Paul's phone." Dante bugs Michael about Sonny's plans for Carlos, then bugs Sonny himself, as if Sonny's going to tell him anything. Dante hopes that when Sonny inevitably finds Carlos, he doesn't kill him, because if Carlos dies, Sonny will be the prime suspect. The hottest new game in Port Charles is cowboys and neurosurgeons, as Griffin learns from Emma.

Nikolas being so annoyed at having to live with Hayden makes me happy. I can't wait for Curtis' presence to annoy him even more. I love Curtis' little snarky comments, and Nikolas should be the target of as many of them as possible.

Griffin should probably respond faster to emergency pages, considering Anna and Emma beat him to the hospital.

Dante, leave your brother alone and do your job yourself.

I need at least a dozen pictures of Griffin in a kid's cowboy hat, stat.

April 6th, 2016

Sam's furious with Nikolas for trying to have Hayden killed, noting that he's undergone an extreme change in the past few years. She goes to Wyndemere to confront him, announcing that she's going to have him arrested for attempted murder. Nikolas gets a little too physical trying to stop her, and Jason reacts badly, ordering Nikolas to keep his hands off Jason's wife, then beating the crap out of him. Nikolas was previously displeased about Curtis moving into Wyndemere, but probably a little more okay with it when Curtis tries (unsuccessfully) to take on Jason. Sam eventually talks Jason down before he can kill Nikolas, deciding he and Hayden aren't worth it. Then they go back to Jason's place and christen the bed. Hayden's very shaken by how close Nikolas came to being killed, and though he doesn't care much for her sympathy, he lets her tend to him a little. They share their bed for at least one more night, but both keep weapons nearby. Kristina tells Molly about her conversation with Alexis, but it's Julian who offers the best advice, trying to smooth things over between mother and daughter. Meanwhile, Alexis pays Parker a visit to confront her for possibly influencing Kristina's feelings. Parker tells her to start being more supportive and show Kristina that her family will always be there for her, especially while she's sorting out her life. Julian tells Ava that Sonny was behind the rose, warning that that doesn't mean she isn't still in danger from her lieutenants. Ava yells at Sonny for his methods of trying to hold on to Avery, promising to take her home as soon as Kiki's released from the hospital. When she gets into bed, she finds a dead animal. Carly begs Sonny to let Anna take care of the Carlos situation so he doesn't put himself in danger again.

I usually fast-forward through sex scenes, but...yeah, I watched the crap out of that one.

I think we're supposed to see this Nikolas/Hayden thing as a Mr. and Mrs. Smith situation, but really, it just makes me squeamish.

I'm interested to know how Hayden plans to explain Curtis' presence at Wyndemere to the other houseguests.

Parker's still gross, but at least she said some smart things today.

April 7th, 2016

Anna tries to sneak off to Ecuador to get Carlos without Sonny, but he figures out what she's up to and invites himself along. Carly again begs him not to go after Carlos, but he's willing to take the risk. She falls back on old habits, going to Jason for help, which means he'll once again have to choose between helping her and spending time with Sam. Paul's phone is acting weird, and he figures out there's a connection to when Anna used it. He figures out what she's up to with Sonny and threatens to call Jordan to keep Anna from going after Carlos on her own. Anna responds by chloroforming him. Julian thinks the dead bird came from Ava's lieutenants and encourages her to find a better bodyguard than Scott (who sucks so much that Ava's already done with him). Not that that will really work, since he knows no one is going to want to align himself with her. Julian ultimately takes control of the situation by ordering the lieutenants to back off, and reestablishing himself as the head of the Jerome family. Jason and Sam are generally cute and happy about the reboot of their relationship (you know, until Carly shows up). Alexis works things out with Kristina, agreeing not to tell Sonny anything for now.

I didn't even know I wanted a Sonny/Anna road trip until today.

I guess Julian can be Ava's bodyguard, since he'll need a place to stay when Alexis inevitably throws him out.

Julian: "You're the only [sister] I've got." Me: "Didn't you kill the other one?"

This is a test, Jason. If you don't go with Carly, you'll prove that you're really a different person now, and you'll probably get a pretty nice reward.

April 8th, 2016

As usual, Jason gives in to Carly's pleas and talks to Sonny about not going off to risk his life. Sonny doesn't listen, so the whole thing is a waste of time. Michael wants to tag along on the Sonny/Anna trip, but there's no way that's going to happen. Plus, Sonny thinks Carly needs someone to take care of her, and Michael has to stay behind and do that. Anna struggles to get Andre to leave her house before he learns that a consciousness-regaining Paul is there. By the time Andre finally goes, Anna has to rechloroform Paul before she finally meets Sonny for their road trip. Tracy's okay, and her brush with death has made her a little sweeter, which is scary. Finn is a jerk to Griffin because he hasn't had his fix or medication or whatever in 24 hours. Also, he needs to calm down about patients regaining consciousness after surgery. Sam confides in Carly that she's more worried about Jason than she used to be, now that she's had to go through losing him. She wants him to be who he used to, which she knows means taking risks, but she also wants him to make his own decisions. Fortunately, he turns down Sonny's invitation to come on the Carlos hunt and returns to his (once and future?) wife. Nina thinks she's going to get good news from Kelly, so she draws Franco into a preemptive celebration (AKA a nooner). Franco tells her once again that he's not having kids. Then her day gets even worse when she learns she can't have them anyway. So these two will probably break up soon.

Are they trying to make us think Sonny's going to die? Really?

Andre, I like you, but seriously, back off.

Finn, please stop calling people "kid."

I'm going to pretend Ned's not at the hospital because he's off making out with Olivia somewhere.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Monica: "Ned. Dillon. Not you, Paul"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Billy Miller struggling to unbutton Kelly Monaco's shirt
Saddest moment: Ned and Dillon worrying about Tracy
Sweetest/cutest moment: Cowboys and neurosurgeons
Least believable moment: Sam had no problem with Carly pulling a Carly with Jason for the umpteenth time
Best instance of continuity: N/A
Worst instance of continuity: Where did Sam get the clothes she put on after spending the night at Jason's?
Hero of the week: Finn, medically speaking
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest characters: Sam and Jason
Dumbest character: N/A
Unanswered question of the week: What else is Nathan keeping from Maxie about Claudette?

The week in a nutshell:

• With help from Shawn, Sam and Jason figured out that Nikolas tried to have Hayden killed, but that wasn't even the biggest thing that happened to them this week. Sam confronted Nikolas, who didn't keep his hands to himself, so Jason made him, and that still wasn't the biggest thing that happened to them this week. Jason and Sam ended up in his bed, then back in another familiar place when Carly interrupted their alone time. But they're still together and very happy and it's all good, at least until they inevitably have to face another disaster.
• Hayden and Nikolas found themselves at a stand-still, both holding things over each other's heads and unable to make progress. Hayden moved Curtis into Wyndemere for protection, but continued to share a bed with Nikolas, despite neither of them feeling safe around the other.
• Anna got a lead on Carlos and tried to go after him without Sonny, but he was able to figure out her plans and invite himself on her mission, against Carly's wishes. Paul figured things out as well, so Anna knocked him out to keep him out of the way. While she tried to get Julian to go away, Sonny ignored Jason's concerns, on Carly's behalf, that he not go after the guy who supposedly tried to kill him. By the end of the week, Sonny and Anna were on their way to Ecuador together.
• Parker helped Alexis realize how she needs to support Kristina, and mother and daughter were able to work things out.
• Worried for Ava's safety, Julian reclaimed his position as head of the organization.
• Tracy's condition worsened and she ended up in surgery, but everything went well.
• We get it, Finn might be a drug addict.
• Nina agreed to keep quiet about Julian's sabotage in exchange for full control of Crimson.
• Nathan told Maxie about his green-card marriage to Claudette, but apparently there's still more to the story.
• Franco said for the tenth time that he doesn't want kids, but it's a moot point, since Nina can't have a baby. She was not pleased about any of this.

April 11th, 2016

While Paul uses a paper clip to pick his handcuffs, Anna tells Sonny that she tried to kill Carlos. Sonny, of course, has no problem with that, but Anna's still willing to do time if Carlos rats her out. When they two arrive in Ecuador, Sonny is approved to enter the country but Anna is kept on the plane, as there's a warrant out for her arrest. Paul called Immigration to have her detained so Sonny's free to find and kill Carlos. Sonny accidentally stumbles across Carlos in a church after looking for five minutes, but whatever. Hayden changes her MO once again, telling Nikolas she'll have him arrested if he doesn't sign ELQ and a bunch of his assets over to her. While he thinks through his options, Hayden visits Tracy and tells her their plan is about to come to fruition. However, Hayden's going to hold on to ELQ for herself rather than hand it over to Tracy. Tracy threatens to expose her as Rachel, but that threat doesn't work on Hayden anymore. Nikolas figures he doesn't have any choice in the matter, and is likely about to receive another ultimatum, as Jason has come up with an offer that will allow him and Sam to get revenge. Laura finds out that the news is spreading about Nikolas' attempted murder of Hayden, but instead of saying "I told you so," she's supportive of her horrible son. Maxie tries to get Nathan to open up about Claudette, but he guesses she's pumping him for information so she can look up his ex. He won't give her anything, so Maxie turns to the Internet.

Hey, Paul finally did something smart.

It's not the Asian animal figurine I want to see, but sure, maneki neko, whatever.

Here's hoping Jason blackmails Nikolas to get ELQ back. Hilariously, accepting that deal would actually be in Nikolas' best interest.

Ugh, Laura, stop enabling your demon child.

Maxie, your ex is a PI. Have him investigate Claudette. Also, wasn't Nathan going by James Reeves before he came to town? Claudette's last name would be Reeves, not West.

April 12th, 2016

Carlos taunts Sonny for a while, forcing him to pray before he bites the dust. (By the way, Sabrina's in Puerto Rico, or at least Carlos claims she is.) Paul keeps Anna on the phone to delay her, but she's still able to get to the church where Sonny and Carlos are having their stand-off. Unfortunately, her arrival distracts Sonny, allowing Carlos to make a grab for his gun. This leads to the typical scene where two people fight over a gun and it's not clear who's shot when it goes off. Jason tells Nikolas to sell him his ELQ shares or end up in prison. Nikolas is adamantly against the idea, especially since Jason isn't offering him nearly enough money, but he doesn't really have a choice. Nikolas is all, "I can't believe I'm selling to the guy who tried to kill me." Jason's all, "That reminds me – if you ever put a hand on my wife again, I'll finish you off." Sam: "Listen..." Hayden tells Curtis that she's about to get her payday, which means he'll get his as well, but when she gets home, her dreams are crushed – Nikolas has sold to Jason, who now owns 50 percent of ELQ. Paul tells Jordan that he put out the warrant for Anna's arrest because she drugged and handcuffed him. But when Jordan starts to treat the crime as an actual crime, Paul backs off, trying to preserve his plan. Dante and Lulu are making progress in their marriage counseling. Valerie has an awkward encounter with them, but fortunately, Lulu wants things to be civil between them. Valerie's day goes downhill, though, when she sees Curtis hugging Hayden and gets jealous. Franco and Carly have some very random scenes together that don't serve any purpose.

You're telling me that not only is the Nikolas/ELQ plot over, but Jason now has controlling interest? Somewhere, Edward is crying from laughter.

Sam and Jason make such a good team. I still think he should join the PI agency. McCall, Jackal & Stone Cold, anyone?

Nikolas should be grateful that Jason offered him ANY money, considering he had enough ammo

Yay, Dante and Lulu are cute again!

April 13th, 2016

Carlos takes a bullet in the shoulder, but he's fine so whatever. Anna stops Sonny from killing him, still willing to go to jail if she has to, as long as Carlos goes, too. Morgan's definitely better, since he reacts calmly to the news that Sonny's going after Carlos, knowing he needs to concentrate on himself and getting back to his life. However, he backslides when Carly expresses concern that he's focusing too much on getting out of treatment rather than doing the work necessary to get there. Michael convinces Morgan that he needs to get better before he can help Kiki continue in her recovery. Speaking of Kiki, she's being released from the hospital and wants to go home with Ava, who's smart enough to know it's not safe right now. Paul tells Jordan that Anna tried to kill Carlos and has gone after him to give it another try. Jordan finds this hard to believe, but since Anna did tell her that she committed a crime Paul knows about, it makes sense to her. Andre returns to Anna's house and tries to keep a poker face when Jordan tells him what Anna did to Carlos. Jordan's upset that her boyfriend has to practice doctor/patient confidentiality and can't help her with her job. Alexis hears Julian on the phone talking about trouble at work, so he tells her about the Crimson sabotage. Alexis admits that her first thought was that he was back in the mob. Julian: "HA HA HA HA HA what a crazy idea." Kiki and Dillon officially meet and decide not to think too hard about what their parents may have been up to together. She has another PTSD moment, ducking and covering when a balloon pops, so that's definitely still on the table. Paul warns Julian that Carlos is alive and on his way back to town, so if Julian wants to make any moves to keep Carlos from turning on him, he should get going on that.

That's it for the Sonny/Anna road trip? No, I need more!

Jordan, I...sigh. Please chill.

Poor Kiki has to go live with the Bickersons.

Dillon and Kiki? I could ship it.

April 14th, 2016

Sam and Jason inform the Quartermaines that Jason has bought back 50 percent of ELQ, so the company is back in the family's control. Jason plans to distribute the shares according to Edward's will, and Michael will get his old job back. Tracy says nice things about him for possibly the first time in her life. Later, Jason learns that he needs to go to the Keys to solidify the deal, and he'd love for Sam to go with him, but she doesn't have anyone to watch Danny, and apparently they can't just take him with them, so no couple's getaway for them just yet. Tracy and Monica want Finn to stay on at GH, but when he misses a lecture Obrecht convinced him to give, he probably loses his chance. Finn's MIA because he's passed out in his hotel room, where Carly finds him with his big ol' syringe nearby. Carly's happy to have Sonny back from Ecuador without a scratch (and without getting himself arrested). Michael's eager for news on Sabrina, and though Sonny tells him Carlos said she's in Puerto Rico, he notes that they can't believe anything Carlos says. Sonny thinks Michael needs to drop it and move on, but Michael can't. Laura has decided to meet with a cryptologist she met online for help with Helena's puzzle, which is how she discovers Kevin's secret hobby. Lulu bugs Nikolas about what's going on with Hayden, figuring out that she's holding something over him. Nikolas tells her that if Hayden gets busted, people Lulu cares about will also be in trouble. Lulu asks Dante to go after Hayden anyway, but he figures it's a federal thing and he can't do anything.

At this rate, Sam will be pregnant by Danny's birthday. (I'm all for it, of course.)

Are we done with the "offer he couldn't refuse" jokes yet?

Obrecht: "Over my cold, dead body." Me: "So many comments...so many..."

I write myself notes while I'm watching so I can remember what I want to comment on here, and my only note for Laura's storyline today is, "KEVIN!" Can you imagine how ticked Scott would be if she and Kevin got together? It would be awesome.

April 15th, 2016

Anna's totally ready to face any consequences for what she did to Carlos, and even tells Jordan everything that's happened over the past year. Paul offers Carlos a deal if Carlos will turn on Julian, and when Carlos has made a decision, he summons Julian to the police station. Nina advises Nathan to tell Maxie how much she means to him and how much he always wants to make her happy. Nathan goes a step further, proposing. The conversation also helps Nina sort through her feelings for Franco, who's still against having kids, because Kiki's enough for him. Finn confides in Carly that he has diabetes, and for some reason doesn't want Obrecht to know, even though it could possibly help him keep his job. Maxie learns that Griffin is Duke's son and tells him how much his father meant to her family. She's also sympathetic because of Georgie's murder. I really don't care if Julian's mobbed up again or if Ava's in danger or if Julian tries to have Carlos killed, I really don't. Kiki needs a session with Andre or Kevin for her obvious PTSD.

"My baby will be an orphan." No, sweetie. Your baby will still have a mother. Just be quiet, Carlos.

My favorite part of this episode was how they showed an ad for diabetes medication right after a Carly/Finn scene.

Drink whenever Griffin says "forgiveness."

Julian, I can't stress this enough: Ava is the last person you should ever take advice from.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Carlos Rivera
Injured: Carlos Rivera

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Nikolas telling Sam to tell her "brain-damaged husband" something, and Sam actually doing it; Kevin's "ew, I touched Scott's book" face
Funniest moment (unintentional): Anna's fake tears
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Tracy being nice to Jason
Least believable moment: Anna was allowed to talk to Carlos at the police station
Best instance of continuity: Kiki saw Dillon's affair-reveal video on Halloween
Worst instance of continuity: I really don't think Nathan used the last name West until right before he came to Port Charles
Heroes of the week: Sam and Jason
Most annoying character: Nikolas
Smartest characters: Paul, Jason
Dumbest character: Finn, who clearly doesn't get how adults handle medical conditions

The week in a nutshell:

• Sonny and Anna retrieved Carlos from Ecuador with minimal bloodshed, and despite Paul's efforts to have Anna delayed. Paul told Jordan about Anna's previous attempt on Carlos' life, which Anna later confessed to Jordan herself. Carlos chose to speak to Paul rather than make a statement about what Anna did, and may take his offer to serve only a few years in prison (rather than two life sentences) in exchange for tattling on Julian.
• Hayden blackmailed Nikolas to get his ELQ shares, but Nikolas sold to Jason instead, leaving Hayden with nothing, Nikolas with a little, and the Quartermaines back in control.
• Ava turned Kiki away from moving in with her because of safety issues. Ava told Julian she doesn't want him to have to go back to the mob for her, but if he wants to silence Carlos, he should definitely do something mobby.
• Carly found Finn passed out after an injection and learned that he has diabetes. Obrecht was so angry with him for missing a lecture that she told him he's out at GH after Tracy's treatment is over.
• Nathan turned to Nina for advice about Maxie, and she told him to make a full commitment and try to make her happy. Nathan interpreted that as "propose to her."
• Nina made a decision about her future with Franco.
• Morgan continued to struggle with focusing on his own health instead of Kiki's.
• Maxie and Griffin bonded over having murdered family members.
• Kiki totally has PTSD.
• Dante and Lulu are being mature and responsible and sweet.
• Laura found an ally for her book search in Kevin.
• Jordan and Andre clashed over what is and isn't appropriate to share with regards to their careers.
• Michael still wants to find Sabrina.
• Valerie's eyes turned green when she saw Curtis and Hayden together.
• Kiki and Dillon, sitting in a tree?

April 18th, 2016

Jordan accuses Paul of conspiring with Carlos and helping him skip town. Anna helps things along by announcing that Paul also killed Sloane. Paul argues that she doesn't have proof, so Anna says Susan can testify to her former relationship with Sloane. Paul points out that Jordan can't arrest him without also arresting Anna, I guess not realizing that Anna was serious when she said she was willing to go to jail. Jordan's perfectly fine arresting them both. Carlos orders Julian to hire him a lawyer to get him out of prison; otherwise, Carlos will turn on him. Julian, of course, goes to Alexis, asking her to convince Carlos not to take Paul's deal, even if doing so could get her disbarred. Griffin hints to Sonny that he doesn't want Sonny to have Carlos killed. Sonny's like, "Cool, I'll just harass Julian instead." Nina's ready to make up with Franco, which lasts for about two minutes. When she tells him she wants to take a vacation, he resists, saying he needs to take care of Kiki right now. Nina realizes that he doesn't want to have kids with her because he feels like he already has one. Maxie delays giving Nathan an answer so they can talk to Griffin. When the conversation finally comes back to Nathan's proposal, Maxie says she feels like he's only asking because of Claudette. He convinces her that this is a great idea, and she accepts. There's no way this will end in disaster! Kristina accepts a job at Sonny's warehouse and decides it would be best if she came out to her father. They get interrupted, so she comes out to Sam instead. Sam thinks Sonny is more accepting than Kristina believes, but whether Kristina comes out to him or not, she should learn more about herself by going on some dates. Kristina's like, "I guess you're the right person to get relationship advice from since I can tell YOU TOTALLY GOT LAID."

I hope Anna remembers to tell Jordan that Mac can back up her claims about Paul. And I am SO HERE for Anna and Jordan teaming up to take down Paul (but that's no surprise).

Ordinarily I would be happy that Maxie and Nathan are engaged, but this whole relationship is screwed up now, and I think it's a horrible move.

"I reserve dumping rights." This relationship is so healthy!

So Sam thinks Sonny will be okay with Kristina possibly being gay because he was friends with a guy who had AIDS? I don't understand that logic.

April 19th, 2016

Dillon tries to offer Nina a sympathetic ear while she gets drunk. When he takes her home, she tries to hook up with him. Kiki's amused to find him shirtless and leaning over Nina's unconscious form. Dillon seems disappointed when Kiki prefers calling Morgan over hanging out with him, but it looks like their brief conversation did her some good. Alexis points out to Carlos that if he takes Paul's deal, he'll do time, but if he goes to trial, he could get off. Carlos decides to take the chance and asks Alexis to defend him. Paul gets super-dramatic about Anna's situation, finally announcing that he's in love with her. Anna: "What a coincidence – I have feelings for you, too! Because technically, extreme hatred counts as a feeling." Lomax forces Jordan to release Paul from lockup, but Jordan's nowhere near ready to drop the case. Sonny and Julian do their usual fighting thing for a while until Sonny finally comes right out and says that Julian better not let anything happen to Carlos, or Sonny will kill him. Carly asks Finn to treat Josslyn for a minor illness, which just earns him more of Obrecht's wrath. Franco complains to Obrecht about Nina, so Obrecht suggests that he find a way to distract her, basically.

To me, the funniest part of the Dillon/Nina wackiness wasn't her drunkenness or his struggle to handle it – it was Kiki's "what do we have here?" face when she came into the room.

But Alexis, if Carlos gets out of prison, Sonny will still have him killed, so your warning about what will happen if he goes to jail doesn't really fly.

Hey, Finn, while you're having Josslyn's blood tested, see if you can find out where her kidney came from, because it's been a year and we still don't know.

Obrecht has now given a second "over my dead body" threat. If she does it a third time, someone will actually kill her, right?

April 20th, 2016

Anna hopes that now that Carlos is a father, he feels worse about killing Duke, since his punishment will be separation from his family. Griffin is shocked to hear about Anna's arrest, and not so happy to come face to face with his father's killer. He asks if Carlos is sorry, since that would make it easier to forgive him. Carlos isn't, but Griffin is determined to find a way to forgive him anyway. Anna, not so much. Sam invites Jason to spend the night, and things are going pretty well for them until he has a flash of memory about their last night together before his disappearance. Sam confides how hard it was for her when she lost him, and how she dreads the idea of losing him again. Despite Jason's reassurances that nothing bad will happen to him, Sam has a nightmare in which she wakes up to find him shot. Then Helena pops up to remind her of her curse dooming all of Sam's loved ones. Dante and Lulu tackle the next step in their therapy homework, returning to intimacy, then skip a few of the next steps to get about as intimate as a couple can. (Fortunately, they got a new bed.) Kevin has cracked Helena's code, "Heartbreak Hotel," but Laura isn't sure how that ties into her losing something she loved. The two of them talk about how they've stopped dating, so I'm pretty sure this is going to lead to a love match. Michael wants to go to Puerto Rico to find Sabrina, of course, and Felix wants to tag along.

Someone needs to remind Sam that her life has gotten BETTER since she was cursed.

"What did you remember?" "We were here, kissing." "Oh, I know exactly when that was." Okay, Sam.

Me, re: Kevin and Laura.

I don't think the Michael/Felix road trip will be as much fun as Sonny and Anna's, but I'm willing to keep an open mind.

April 21st, 2016

Paul wants to make Anna look mentally unstable, so he has Andre evaluate her. Andre has to admit that Paul might have a point, as Anna's recent behavior has been pretty obsessive. Tracy and Monica would like Finn to stay on at GH, and he doesn't have the heart to tell them that Obrecht hates him. Monica brings up the subject with Obrecht, who doesn't care how many awesome things Finn has done or how much Carly likes him. Monica decides the best way to go about having a stubborn chief of staff is to not have that person be the chief of staff anymore. Finn's not the only person Tracy wants to have stick around – she thinks Ned should move back to town. This would be a good idea for more than one reason, as he's just caught up with Olivia and pointed out that their reason for breaking up isn't on the table anymore. Also, he might as well stay at least long enough to see Captain America: Civil War with his movie buddy (for the record, he's Team Stark and she's Team Cap). Sonny complains about Alexis' defense of Carlos, calling her a hypocrite for defending a killer to protect her husband (who's also a killer). Jordan and Andre make up, but I don't think it's going to last. Julian wants details on Carlos' case from Alexis, who reminds him that attorney-client privilege is a thing. Josslyn's going to do a school project on Roxie so we can pretend there's a point to either of them being around.

Anna hasn't gotten to meet with a lawyer, so I don't think anything in this case is proceeding legally.

When did Sabrina make a statement about Carlos? Why isn't it enough? Why would she lie?

Ned and Olivia make me so happy.

I imagine this Josslyn/Roxie thing is an excuse for Carly and Finn to keep encountering each other?

April 22nd, 2016

Anna and Paul bicker some more until Scott, having been hired by Mac and Felicia, tells his new client to stop talking to the DA. She tells him Paul is questioning her sanity, which gives Scott an idea. Jordan asks Andre straight out if he wants to be with her or Anna. Andre makes out with her and promises that there's nothing romantic between him and Anna. Franco gets Nina a puppy, because if you can't have a baby, that's a great substitution, right? Wrong, according to Nina. Dante, Lulu, Mac, Felicia, and Dillon throw Maxie and Nathan a surprise engagement party, which Griffin accidentally crashes. He makes sad faces while Nathan proposes again, this time with a ring. Maxie tells Lulu that she trusts Nathan's commitment to her, but she's still going to keep researching Claudette. In Puerto Rico, Michael and Felix met with Sabrina's father and aunt, who both claimed they haven't heard from her in months. Michael finds a rattle in the aunt's house and doubts her story. Dante asks Lulu to move back home. I guess Griffin's scar came from a gunshot wound, since he hears a phantom gunshot?

I assume Scott's going to try to prove that Anna was too unstable when she shot Carlos to be held responsible for her actions.

I thought today's Andre/Jordan scenes were going to go way differently than they did, and I'm really glad I was wrong.

Guys, don't talk through someone's marriage proposal.

Thanks for getting a haircut, Griffin! Can you encourage Franco to do the same?

Scorecard:
Arrested: Anna Devane, Paul Hornsby
Birthday: Sonny Corinthos
Engaged: Maxie Jones and Nathan West

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Franco: "Ava's worse than being raised by wolves"; Felix to Michael: "No offense but the more I know you, the more obvious it is that you were raised by a mob boss"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sonny is now trying to protect Carlos
Saddest moment: Sam remembering how hard it was to lose Jason
Sweetest/cutest moment: Lulu's not-so-firm insistence that she and Dante weren't supposed to touch
Least believable moment: Sam was able to pinpoint when Jason's memory was from without any details
Best instance of continuity: Kiki briefly had a drinking problem
Worst instances of continuity: I thought Sabrina and her father didn't get along, so why did Michael and Felix think she would contact him?; would Mac really suggest a guy he hates as Anna's lawyer?
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Anna? Maybe?
Dumbest character: Franco

The week in a nutshell:

• Jordan arrested both Anna and Paul, though she had to release Paul because Lomax is such a brat. Since Anna hates Paul and wants him to pay for his crimes, he retaliated by trying to have her evaluated by Andre. Andre recused himself, but Scott, who's defending Anna, thinks he can still be helpful.
• Julian convinced Alexis to defend Carlos and talk him into turning down Paul's deal. Sonny wasn't happy.
• Finn continued impressing Carly and Tracy while simultaneously ticking off Obrecht. Monica wants to put a stop to Obrecht's tyranny, FINALLY.
• Michael and Felix went looking for Sabrina in Puerto Rico but were told by her father and aunt that she hasn't been in touch. Interesting, since there was a rattle on the floor of her aunt's house.
• Jordan was bothered again by Anna and Andre's closeness, finally asking her boyfriend if he'd rather be with the spy. Andre made it very clear that he wants Jordan.
• Sam is still traumatized by losing Jason (and Helena's curse isn't helping).
• Ned and Olivia reconnected, and he may stay in town, at Tracy's urging.
• Nina and Franco fought some more, and she ended up drunk and trying to get Dillon into bed. He got her a puppy to try to make up for not being able to have a baby, but that totally bombed.
• Kevin deciphered Helena's message, but Laura doesn't know what "Heartbreak Hotel" refers to.
• Maxie and Nathan got engaged (twice) but she still wants to find out more about Claudette. Griffin's distressed about the whole thing.
• Dante and Lulu christened the bed he got to replace the bed of adultery. Later, she agreed to move back home.
• Griffin wants to forgive Carlos even if Carlos doesn't care whether he does or not.
• Kristina came out to a very encouraging Sam.

April 25th, 2016

Franco takes the puppy to the hospital, where Monica takes a few minutes out of her day to tell him what a scumbag he is. Franco gives Jake the puppy without asking either of his parents, so Jason ends up looking like the bad guy when he has to tell Jake they can't keep it. Jason and Franco end up in a huge fight, covering such topics as: a) Franco's long-held belief that murder is Jason's art, b) Jason's resistance to being loved, c) how Jason dropped Elizabeth and went back to Sam, and d) how Jake is supposedly jealous of the time Jason spends with Sam and Danny. Jason cuts all ties between Franco and Jake, though Franco thinks Elizabeth will overrule that decision. Jason ends the discussion by throwing Franco against a wall and saying he wished he'd finished the job back when he shot Franco in 2012. Alexis tells Carlos that as long as Sabrina says out of the country, the case against him is flimsy enough that it could get thrown out. Carlos is worried about what Sonny will do to him if he's released, so he presses Alexis to get Julian to give him money so he can leave the country again. If Julian doesn't come through, Carlos will reconsider Paul's deal. Molly's furious with Alexis for defending Carlos, since he's hurt people she and Kristina care about. She calls him "pure evil," leading Alexis to use Helena's dagger in an object lesson about what pure evil really is. Molly can see her side, but she notes that Carlos could be someone else's Helena. In the past, Alexis would never defend someone like him, and Molly knows she's only doing so now because Julian pressured her to. Ric surfaces for the first time since November to let Sonny know that Alexis is trying to get Carlos' case thrown out. He wonders if Sonny's going to have Carlos killed, but Sonny doesn't want to tell him. Ric basically reminds Sonny that he's a better ally than an enemy, because he still doesn't understand after all these years that Sonny doesn't respond well to threats. Sonny just says that he's going to handle this situation on his own. Later, Ric's at the police station when a man arrives to give a statement about Carlos. Sabrina's aunt convinces Michael and Felix that Sabrina hasn't been to see her, making them decide she might not be in Puerto Rico at all. Michael thinks their best bet is to go back to Port Charles and talk to Carlos. The aunt may not know where Sabrina is, but she does know where the baby is – her house. Julian tries to give Nina some relationship advice, sure that Franco's just trying his best. Nina complains about secrets and lies, making Julian feel guilty about his own failures at full disclosure in his marriage.

Hooray for Monica's unexpected smackdowns of Franco. I could watch a whole hour of that.

Alexis, maybe stop getting your fingerprints all over a murder weapon?

I bet if Molly found out about Griffin, she'd use him to guilt Alexis even further.

Hey, Ric's still alive! Good for him.

April 26th, 2016

Sam has to talk Jason down after Franco threatens to tell Jake how Jason tried to kill him. Jason tells Sam that he doesn't believe Franco's reformed, and he knows instinctually that they've had violent run-ins before. Sam explains that Franco's been obsessed with Jason for years. Apparently someone else is, too, since someone's following Jason and Sam. It doesn't appear to be Franco, though he tells Obrecht he's ready to be the person he was born to be, which I guess means he's going to start kidnapping and fake-raping people again. Ric tells Sonny about the witness, who tells Jordan he was in the process of stealing a car at the Metro Court when he saw Carlos shoot Duke. He grows hesitant when Jordan tells him he'll have to give his statement again and possibly testify at a trial. Ric finds it quite coincidental that an eyewitness is coming forward now. Dillon gets Nina to decide to talk things out with Franco, but he's not in the mood to get dumped. Obrecht advises both of them to hold on to their relationship. When Franco eventually shows up to see Nina, he only stays for a few seconds before walking back out. Kiki tells Ava that she's changed her mind and wants to stay in her apartment with Franco and Nina. Ava complains about this to Julian, who assures her that he's taken care of any threats. Ava points out that since he's in charge of the family again, he can use his resources to take care of Carlos. Dillon fakes a flat tire as an excuse to check up on Kiki. She sees through the ruse but doesn't object to spending time with him. Poor little Ric doesn't get to sit at the grownups' table, so Sonny asks him to look into where Josslyn's kidney came from. Alexis is worried that her and Julian's lives are about to be upended.

Yeah, I'm sure Obrecht hangs out at the Floating Rib.

Please tell me those baby monitors were reversed and Alexis heard Ava and Julian's conversation.

I'm officially on the Kiki/Dillon (Killon? Dillki?) train.

Good, someone remembered the dropped kidney plot.

April 27th, 2016

Julian has hired security for Alexis, but he claims it's because of Carlos' case, not because he's mobbed up again. Alexis tries to downplay the sudden emergence of the eyewitness, and Julian pretends he's not going to overstep his boundaries. The second he gets the chance, though, he sneaks a peek at the eyewitness' info and sends an enforcer to take care of him. Hayden's getting $5 million from her divorce settlement, and Curtis doesn't get why she's disappointed. Hayden then proceeds to have a truly horrible day: She's fired by Tracy, chewed out by Finn (apparently someone he cared about was negatively affected by the Berlins' crimes), and tracked down by the FBI. Dillon and Kiki bond when he tells her how difficult it was for him to get over Georgie's death. After a lot of talking, they embark on what I'm going to classify as their first official date. Sam and Jason get caught in a rainstorm while out on a motorcycle ride and duck into a barn for shelter. They try to make the evening romantic, but she can't stop worrying that Franco will continue to provoke Jason until he does something he shouldn't. Also, they're still being watched. Kristina hits it off with another visitor while she's over at Morgan's institution, and is surprised when her brother says the guy's interested in her. Kristina fills Morgan in on her life, further surprised that he's more interested in her suspension than her sexual preferences. (Really, he's just happy he's not the only screw-up in the family.) Epiphany tries to enlist Finn for the Nurses' Ball, because it's almost that magical time of year again.

Can we stop acting like Kiki has turned into a hermit? She's only been out of the hospital for, like, 24 hours.

Morgan reacted to Kristina's news pretty much just as I expected. He seems to have a good relationship with Lucas, so I figured he's not homophobic.

So I guess this new guy (Aaron or Adam – I've seen conflicting sources) will be a love interest for Kristina, which means...so much for a two-female relationship on this show. Unless dating him makes her realize she wants to be with a woman.

Guys, don't start forming backstories for new characters when we still have existing characters without backstories. Like, can we find out who Nathan's father is before we get into this Finn stuff?

April 28th, 2016

The board ousts Obrecht, who's so upset about the decision that she refuses to accept a staff position at the hospital. Monica is reinstated as chief of staff, though Tracy had to fight to get her the job. Her first act is to talk Finn into accepting a position. Sonny's annoyed that Michael went to Puerto Rico and won't drop the whole Sabrina thing, even though she lied to him. While Sonny asks Jason to step in if Michael runs into trouble, Michael visits Carlos to ask where Sabrina is. Carlos laughs off the idea that he kidnapped her or put her in danger, then reveals that they're married. Sam and Jason realize someone had a front-row seat (well, front-window seat) to their activities in the barn, but neither seems too concerned about it. Franco's probably Sam and Jason's voyeur, and is definitely back in creepy, cold serial-killer mode. He displays no emotions when he and Nina finally break up, then sketches her. Maxie promises Nathan that she'll stop asking questions about Claudette, but she never made any promises about asking Sam to investigate. Obrecht goes to Nathan for comfort and advises him to learn from her example – her ouster could have gone better if she'd kept her mouth shut, so Nathan should stay mum with Maxie. After all, if he tells Maxie the truth about Claudette, she'll tell Lulu, who will tell Dante, and Nathan could go to prison. Carly and Finn wind up chatting about the search for Josslyn's donor, and Finn warns that Carly might not like whatever's unearthed.

Let's hope Obrecht is banned from the Nurses' Ball.

Yay for Sam/Maxie scenes! Yay for Tracy/Monica scenes! I have a lot of feelings today! (Unlike a certain serial killer who is really creeping me out!)

Uh...did Nathan kill Claudette? Is that why the marriage is really over?

I can't believe someone mentioned Matt.

April 29th, 2016

Paul questions Anna's sanity again, pointing out that she's confessed to a crime that Carlos hasn't made a statement about. He gets a psychiatrist to argue that she shouldn't be released on bail, but Scott puts Andre on the stand and has him testify on Anna's behalf. It works, though Jordan apparently isn't happy. Michael thinks Carlos married Sabrina so she can't be compelled to testify against him, or at the very least is keeping her away so she can't. Carlos remains confident that Alexis will get him off and he'll be able to reunite with his family. He changes his mind when Alexis tells him about the eyewitness. When Michael returns, Carlos offers a deal: He'll reveal Sabrina's location if Michael breaks him out of jail. Sonny's annoyed that Jason won't help him protect Michael, since the old Jason would have done anything for him. Jason makes it clear that, recovered memories or no, he's done with the organization. Later, Sonny and Carly lament the fact that their friend has changed so much. Finn makes Carly wonder if Josslyn's kidney was acquired by super-creepy means. Also, he's her new Jason, the poor guy. Brad and Lucas can't agree on a wedding venue until they find one that's only available on May 24th, the day of the Nurses' Ball. Brad questions why Finn wants private access to GH's lab, like, calm down, Brad, he's probably just cloning people, no big deal.

There actually was a brief mention of black-market organ trafficking a few years ago, but it never went anywhere, and it was after Josslyn's transplant. Johnny was involved somehow. I don't know what the writers were smoking at the time.

Finn, no! You don't want to be Carly's friend! You'll never sleep through the night again!

Hey, Carly and Sonny, you seem to be the only people upset that Jason isn't the way he used to be. Let's just say Sam has no complaints.

I have feelings of...pride for Scott. Ick.

Jordan, I'm going to need you to chill.

Scorecard:
Broke up: Franco Baldwin and Nina Reeves

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Alexis' complete lack of sympathy for Carlos; Epiphany: (asks a question) Finn: "What do you want to hear?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): William DeVry apologizing to a baby for not feeding him quickly enough because he was trying to say his lines
Saddest moment: I guess Nina being sad that she can't have kids, but I don't really care that much about her
Sweetest/cutest moment: Leo!
Least believable moment: Brad and Lucas decided to get married in May, then never talked about it again
Best instance of continuity: Nathan's mention of Matt
Worst instance of continuity: Sonny saying Ric has never been disloyal
Hero of the week: Tracy
Most annoying character: Carlos
Smartest character: Scott, as much as it pains me to say
Dumbest character: It hasn't come back to bite him yet, but I'll say Julian anyway

The week in a nutshell:

• Carlos' case now depends on Sabrina (who may be his wife now) staying out of the country. Michael remained determined to find her, unaware that her aunt is covering for her. Carlos ordered Alexis to secure a payoff from Julian in exchange for his refusal of Paul's deal. An eyewitness came forward claiming to have seen Carlos kill Duke, but he's likely a plant sent by Sonny. Molly questioned Alexis' ethics, since she's defending a man she would never give a second thought to if she weren't with Julian. She should really be questioning Julian's ethics, as he's moving towards taking out the witness. Once he learned that his case might not be the slam dunk he expected, Carlos offered to get Michael in touch with Sabrina if Michael will help him break out of jail.
• Thanks to Tracy, the hospital board booted Obrecht and reinstalled Monica as chief of staff. This means Finn now has a job at GH (and Franco will probably lose his).
• Jason and Franco got in a fight that turned violent and reignited their previous feud. Franco might also be stalking Sam and Jason, and now has plenty of time to do so, since he and Nina are through.
• Thanks to assistance from Andre, Scott got Anna's bail request approved.
• Sonny assigned Ric to look into Josslyn's kidney donation, leading Finn to bring up the possibility of black-market organ trafficking.
• Kiki and Dillon got to know each other better. (Not a euphemism.) (Yet.)
• Jason officially left the mob world behind.
• Maxie told Nathan she would drop the subject of Claudette, then asked Sam to look into her. Apparently something illegal happened, because if the truth comes out, Nathan could go to prison.
• Hayden was fired by Tracy, yelled at by Finn, and approached by the Feds – and all in one day.
• Kristina came out to Morgan and met a possible new love interest.
• Brad and Lucas still haven't set a wedding date.