General Hospital blog - April, 2017

April 3rd, 2017

Tracy and Laura gain access to the Turkish monastery where the painting is supposedly being kept, though the monks there claim they don't know anything about it. Tracy laments that Edward never gave her any positive attention, but Laura promises that he was proud of her and knew she was capable of greatness. They hear a woman in the monastery, despite having been told that no other women were there, and then get a look at the painting, which is of Tracy. Jax comes to town with the news that Jane has died. Sam checks in with Alexis, who still thinks Julian may be trying to contact her. Sam gets a surveillance photo from the payphone, which shows a person who could very well be Julian. As the same person watches Alexis, Sam gets a notification that Julian's credit card was used. Jason asks Carly and Sonny to be Scout's godparents, unsure that they'll want to share the honor with each other. Fortunately, they're able to be mature enough to accept, and they agree that they can be civil for the Morgans' sake. Ned and Olivia share news of their engagement with Michael and Ashton, the latter of whom isn't sure Ned's ready for the commitment. Shut up, Ashton. Then he's stunned to learn that Tracy went to Turkey, so ha ha. Josslyn urges Carly to move forward with her divorce already, since she deserves better than Sonny. Sonny may be saving her the trouble, though, as he calls Diane after failing to get Carly to talk to him.

Good thing Laura said the painting was of Tracy, because I wouldn't have guessed it.

If that's not Julian lurking around, it better be Jerry.

Since when is Ned bad at commitment?

I like feminist, compassionate Joss. I never would have expected her to turn out like this.

April 4th, 2017

Jax: "My mom died." Carly: "I'm so sorry. ...Can we talk about me now?" But at least he finally admits that he was the one who bought Nelle's kidney! The monastery's abbot confirms that Edward left the painting for Tracy, along with a note saying it's her inheritance and he forgave and trusted her. Then he asks if the monastery can have the money from the sale of the painting. Tracy: (x). In Andre's first session with Jake, Jake picks a toy witch and scarecrow out of a box to use for a story. Unlike in The Wizard of Oz, his witch and scarecrow are friends. Jake still wants to hang out with Franco, who wishes he could help apart from just staying away. Kiki now gets the situation and reminds him that he's not Jake's father, so he has to respect his parents' wishes. Hayden's tense around Finn, still stinging from the things he said and the way he treated her while in withdrawal. Curtis fills him in while Elizabeth tells Hayden she's allowed to put herself first sometimes. Ultimately, Hayden decides that Finn can't trust her, so she can't keep helping him. The police get word of Julian's credit card being used, and since Nathan can't get in touch with Alexis, he lets Sam know that someone bought a bus ticket to L.A. Sam gets Alexis out of the way so Nathan has to wait longer to talk to her, then asks Curtis to look into whether or not Julian's alive. For the two people in the world who care about Amy, she went to high school with Dillon and appears to have been in love with him for a long time. She's eager to work with him on something for a reunion, but when Kiki shows up, she has to hide how upset she is that Dillon's taken.

Carly, can you maybe wait a day or two to make things about yourself?

That painting looks like Rita Wilson, and you can't convince me otherwise.

"The scarecrow and the witch are friends." Ooh, Helena had an accomplice? Valentin? Jerry? (Look, I just really want Jerry to come back; I don't care how.) (Also, I tried to use the scarecrow and the witch for a take-off of Oklahoma! – "the scarecrow and the witch should be friends" – but all I accomplished was getting the original song stuck in my head.)

Wow, they are REALLY reaching for things for Nathan to do.

Writers, if you want us to feel sympathy for Amy, you have to make her likable.

April 5th, 2017

Jax confesses to paying $1 million for Nelle's kidney, not realizing at the time who her father was. He's sorry he left Carly, Michael, and Josslyn open to Nelle's revenge, but he's not sorry for saving his daughter's life. Later, he meets up with Nelle to tell her she's wrong about Carly. Anna tells Valentin that she underwent some sort of therapy to recover her memories, and now she remembers everything that happened when she supposedly betrayed him. She claims that she slept with him because she genuinely liked him, and points out how unlikely it was that she would then put him on a kill list, especially since it meant she waited two hours to do it. Then thereís a move toward some inappropriate touching and I honestly don't know what's going on here. Ava gets Scott to get access to the PCPD's evidence room to snag the pills. He tries, but Dante interrupts. Scott pretends he was reviewing the evidence because he's defending one of the Floating Rib burglars, but the burglar didn't get the memo to play along. Scott goes back to Ava empty-handed but somewhat confident (or at least pretending to be) that the pills weren't there. Cue Dante finding them in the evidence room. Sonny runs into Nelle and blasts her for going after innocent people while playing the victim. She makes it clear that she's building a new life for herself and isn't leaving town anytime soon. Sonny's like, "Cool, I'll just wait until you do something Valentin doesn't like and he takes you out." Michael defends Sonny to Josslyn, reminding her that he'd just lost Morgan when he made the dumb decision to hook up with Nelle. Josslyn admits that she doesn't completely hate Nelle, and she's sure Michael doesn't either. Michael proves her wrong, but...come on, it's Michael. He'll probably end up forgiving her. Dante isn't 100 percent on board Lulu and Laura's plans involving Nelle. Lulu makes a random visit to Ava to ask if Valentin said anything to her on the island that she can use against him. Ava can't help, but she advises Lulu to find Valentin's Achilles' heel before he finds hers.

So when everyone thought Jake was Josslyn's donor, Jax didn't try to get his $1 million back from Frank? I hope the Jake/Cassadine Island/Helena plot gives us some answers about the transplant stuff.

I don't know how or why, but Anna has to be playing Valentin, right?

Valentin: "All I want is the truth." OH, HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.

I wonder if Ava has ever heard the phrase "if you want something done right, do it yourself."

April 6th, 2017

Nelle thinks Jax is lying to cover for Carly, so he shows her the check he gave Frank, with Frank's signature on it. Nelle remembers her father leaving soon after her operation, then returning with no money, claiming that Carly backed out of the deal. That plus another memory she doesn't share make Nelle realize that her father lied to her for years. Bobbie tells Carly that, while she feels sorry for Nelle about the whole kidney thing, that's as far as her sympathy extends. Dante can't get any information about the pills from the burglar, so he has the bottle fingerprinted and DNA-tested. Ava's concerned that Kiki wants to be a nurse's aide in the psychiatric ward, and even more concerned when she says Morgan's downward spiral doesn't make sense. Valentin's still mad that Anna used him and ditched him. Lulu's visitation with Charlotte gets postponed, and she blames Valentin, who knew nothing about the schedule change. He takes advantage of her visit to complain about her conversation with Nelle, but since Nelle didn't bad-mouth her, Lulu thinks her plan is working. Michael doesn't seem too broken up about the possibility of his parents getting divorced. Griffin is around but doesn't contribute anything useful to any plot.

(J. Walter Weatherman voice) And that's why you don't trust the guy who sold your kidney.

Yeah. I just...don't think that's Anna.

Heh, once again, Maurice Benard plays with the crayons at Kelly's. I hope the cast doodles stuff between scenes.

Who wants in on a Kickstarter to get Griffin a plot?

April 7th, 2017

Nelle tells Michael that she always knew her father gambled away the money he got for her kidney, but she didn't know how much he lost until today. She's angry with him for making her feel like she needed revenge, and for leading her to be angry her whole life. Michael won't let her use that as an excuse – she made her own decisions, and she proceeded with her revenge plan even after Carly was kind to her. Nelle decides that she can erase all her bad actions by coming clean to Sonny about what really happened the night of their "affair." Jax thinks he made Jane worse by telling her how he bought Nelle's kidney, which made her realize that even her good son wasn't so good. Carly's still not thrilled with his actions, but she's over it enough to make out with him. Tracy gives the monastery a donation so she can leave with her painting and a clear conscience. One of the monks tries to steal it back, warning that there will be "dire consequences" if the women take it, but Tracy won't listen to him. She also won't listen to Laura, who hears a woman crying and thinks something strange is going on. The abbot claims that everything's fine, but there's definitely a woman at the monastery. The tests on the pill bottle turn up nothing identifiable, but Dante still thinks its presence at the Floating Rib is strange. He's very interested to know why Ava and Lucy were there together. Ava tells him partial truths about the Nurses' Ball and points out that Morgan was at the Floating Rib the night of his death, so the pills could have been there for months. But Dante's detective instinct is set to "on" this week, and he senses something fishy. Elizabeth thinks Jason will eventually calm down about Franco, because she's this week's naÔve little bunny. The couple does something intimate with paint and I hit fast-forward. Later, after Elizabeth has left, Jake shows up.

LOL at Nelle thinking being honest now will make a difference. You know, like how everything was fine after Franco revealed he didn't really rape Sam or send Carter after Michael.

I wonder if Nelle's father ever met Sam's adoptive father. They sound a lot alike.

Jax, as to your question of whether Carly forgives you, I'm going to say...yes.

See you again in a month, I guess, Valerie.

Back in town: Jax Jacks
Dead: Jane Jacks (R.I.P. Barbara Tarbuck)

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Alexis: "How many enemies do I--? Don't answer that"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nelle: (saying stuff no one cares about) Sonny: "Sorry, are you done?"
Saddest moment: Jax telling Josslyn about Jane
Sweetest/cutest moment: Laura telling Tracy that Edward loved her
Least believable moment: Edward disinherited Tracy, wrote a letter making amends, and then never reinherited her over the next 20+ years
Best instance of continuity: Someone finally mentioned that Morgan was at the Floating Rib the night he died, which could explain why his pills were there
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Nelle
Smartest character: Ava (I know!), for keeping cool under pressure AND bringing up that Morgan was at the Floating Rib the night he died
Dumbest character: Nelle
Previously unanswered question now answered: Jax arranged Josslyn's transplant.

The week in a nutshell:

April 10th, 2017

Just as Michael's telling Kristina about the whole Nelle thing, Nelle tells Sonny that she made him think they slept together when they didn't. Shockingly, he doesn't immediately forgive her or say he understands why she did everything she did. When Michael hears her confession, he's even madder than he was before, and has no sympathy for Nelle's desire to fix everything she's screwed up. Jax and Carly take it to the bedroom, agreeing that whether this leads to a renewed relationship or not, they're good. Then Sonny comes over to tell Carly that he didn't sleep with Nelle, and if Jax wants to stay alive, he'll stay in the bedroom. Elizabeth wants to know why Sam is allowed in Jake's life but Franco isn't. After I scream at her for ten minutes, she and Jason go to fetch Jake from Franco's, where Jake just wants to hang out with the one person he feels like opening up to. Jason accuses Franco of manipulating Jake to earn his trust, while Franco taunts that he knows Jake better than his own father does. After they all leave, Franco finds an addition to Jake's timeline drawing: a boy hiding behind a tree. Nathan tells Alexis about Julian's credit card, which she doesn't think he used (he wouldn't take the bus, he would know using it would catch people's attention, etc.). Later, Nathan tells Kristina that he thinks Alexis is hiding something. Sam tells Alexis about the guy in the hoodie from the payphone, but Alexis isn't sure he's Julian. They hit a dead end when Curtis discovers that the credit card was used by a runaway. But hoodie guy is still around, and he's letting himself into Alexis' house.

Has Nelle ever had a good idea? I'm thinking no.

Michael: "I can't fix you, Nelle. That's not my job." CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!

Heh, Kristina thinks Josslyn wants Carly and Sonny to reconcile – meanwhile, Joss is already baking a "congratulations on your divorce" cake.

Congratulations, Elizabeth: Only ten minutes into a Monday episode, I've already put you down for the most annoying character this week. Tell me about how Sam tortured your loved ones; then we'll talk about the difference between her being in Jake's life and Franco being in his life. P.S. Shut up forever.

Also, who rings the doorbell of someone with a newborn??

April 11th, 2017

Carly doesn't believe Nelle's claim about drugging Sonny, and it doesn't matter much to her anyway, since he's still a liar. She tries multiple times to get him to leave the house, but she doesn't succeed before Jax appears and Sonny figures out what's going on. Things immediately turn ugly, and now I want Sonny to be torn apart by a pack of wolves, the hypocrite. Hoodie Guy looks through a photo album, then disappears before Alexis comes home. Kristina shows up next, asking what Alexis might be keeping from the police. Alexis tells her about Sam and Curtis' discoveries and how she's been getting hang-up calls and phantom knocks at the door. Kristina thinks she's just having trouble working through her unresolved feelings, since she wasn't able to talk to Julian about the contents of his letter. After Kristina leaves, Alexis finds a picture missing from the album. Curtis helps a tipsy Hayden practice tough love with Finn, refusing to visit him until he agrees to go to rehab. Hayden gets a little drunker and kisses Curtis, and since this is a soap, Finn sees. Curtis takes advantage of the opportunity to point out that Hayden will be free to kiss anyone she wants if Finn doesn't get help. Instead of listening, Finn meets with a drug dealer, him paper? I think? Dante tries to calm Lulu down about her over-the-top efforts to get Charlotte to like her. Rocco's worried that his mom will love his sister more, but his parents do a good job of assuring him that won't happen.

Hey, Sonny, you can join Elizabeth in this week's list of most annoying people. Please follow through on your threat to kick his a$%, Jax.

Carly, when you inevitably get back together with Sonny, I'm going to remind you every day that he called you a whore. I will provide the same service for anyone still rooting for them to get back together.

I don't know what Kristina's studying but she should be a therapist.

Drunk Hayden! Everyone raise a glass to Drunk Hayden!

Thank you for the new Rocco, show. He's much better than the last one.

April 12th, 2017

Anna (...or is she?) sends Valentin a watch and a note saying she wants to make peace. Valentin tells Nina about the note but not the watch, which he has searched for bugs. He's told it's clean, but AnnaOIS put a listening device in the strap. Nina confronts AnnaOIS, who swears that she wants a truce and thinks Nina needs to chill. Griffin finds Finn unconscious on the docks, having been beaten up by the drug dealer when he changed his mind about their transaction. Griffin blasts Finn for continuing to refuse treatment, but the incident has made him start to come to terms with his addiction and what he needs to do to get clean (and win Hayden back). He's ready to tell Monica what's going on, but Brad, who's mad that he's not getting the recognition or money he deserves, might beat him to it. Laura thinks that when Nina and Charlotte find out Valentin's true nature, they'll turn on him. She's so intense that Valentin reverts to his stammering WSB self, making Laura see that he's not as confident as he pretends to be. The bad news is that AnnaOIS isn't going to help her and Lulu with the custody stuff, so they're on their own. Tracy surprises Ned by saying she's happy about his engagement. He surprises her back by chastising Edward for not expressing his feelings for his daughter sooner. In a conscious effort to be different from his grandfather, he tells Tracy how much he loves her and how proud he is of her. Andre gets mopey when he sees Curtis and Jordan together.

Me two minutes in: "No way would Anna buy Valentin a watch unless it had a bug in it. That's not her." Me two minutes from the end: "...I still don't think that's her, though."

Yeaaaaaaaaah, Matt Cohen's chest. Thanks for making an appearance today.

I'm glad ned mentioned how Edward wasn't the saint everyone now makes him out to be.

I'm only behind a Jordan/Curtis pairing if he helps make her awesome again.

April 13th, 2017

Lulu's visit with Charlotte starts out awkward, but Charlotte quickly thaws and things go well. Then stupid Valentin shows up to be a nuisance. Andre catches AnnaOIS listening in on Valentin and Nina and chastises her for going about things the wrong way. She tells him she's using her closeness (or whatever) with Valentin to lull him into a false sense of security so she can finally take him down. Andre wants to help, but AnnaOIS refuses and swears him to secrecy. Brad taunts Hayden about what he thinks is Finn's inevitable firing while Finn goes to Monica and confesses all his recent misdeeds. Monica's first priority is him getting clean, and though she can't ensure he'll still have a job when he's done with rehab (a committee will make that decision), she doesn't fire him. She shares that she's also an addict in recovery and warns that he's in for a lot of hard work. Finn wants to know if his relationship with Hayden will survive his stint in rehab, but she puts off making any promises until he's gone through treatment. Brad is ticked that Finn seemingly isn't being punished, and Monica basically says, "Thanks for your help – you can leave me alone now." Nina notices Valentin's new watch, and he tells her he bought it himself. Later, she finds the discarded box it came in and realizes he lied. Olivia's worried about how Dante will react to her and Ned's engagement, because...he's been very vocal about not liking Ned? He wouldn't approve of her marrying a nice, steady, loving guy who also happens to not be a mobster? Whatever, he's fine with it.

It wound up turning out find, but Lulu would have been smart to have Rocco there during Charlotte's visit. I think it would have taken some pressure off of both of them.

Also, I'm glad that Lulu from ten years ago changed her mind about having kids – she's great with them.

Do people think Monica is some sort of uncaring, unreasonable monster?

Hi, Brad. Join the ever-growing list of this week's most annoying people. Also, shut up and go away.

April 14th, 2017

Alexis tells Sam and Jason about the photo missing from the album, though she's not sure who was in it. Dillon takes some pictures of Alexis and the Morgans at an Easter egg hunt, and Jason spots someone lurking in the bushes. When he blows up the picture, Julian's face can clearly be seen. Sonny tells Michael that Carly slept with Jax, and Michael tells him that Jax was behind the kidney donation. Sonny thinks Carly's awful for sleeping with Jax after she found out, and he's ready to do some yelling. Nelle takes her Tour of Honesty to Carly, who still doesn't care that she didn't actually sleep with Sonny. Jax is more sympathetic, since his actions set things in motion, and he offers Nelle any amount of money she wants to leave town and start over somewhere else. Nelle declines, making Carly guess that she's sticking around to win Michael back. She's worried it'll work, know, Michael, and because Nelle's actions are so like hers in the past that they're pretty predictable. Valentin's early arrival distracts Charlotte and ends her visit, but she later admits that she enjoyed her time with Lulu. However, she'd like to know how it's possible that Lulu and Claudette are both her mothers, and why Valentin never told her. Valentin thinks Nina will help him explain it, clueless that he'll be lucky if she's still speaking to him because of the watch. Dante asks Lucy about Morgan's pills, but Lucy plays dumb well enough to get him to drop it. Ava threatens to get rid of Lucy (yeah, like that) if necessary, which just makes Lucy think there's something bigger going on than her theory that Ava was hooking up with Morgan again before his death. Kiki's understandably nervous about attending Ned and Olivia's engagement party with all the Quartermaines.

Michael, why would you call Dante? Call Carly and Jax and warn them Sonny's coming their way!

"Next time I visit Lulu, you owe her an extra ten minutes." I love Charlotte so much.

Ava: (threatens to take Lucy out). Lucy: "Are you threatening me?" Me: "Wow. You're good."

Kiki, there are 80+ pieces of furniture at the Quartermaines'. Why are you sitting on the floor?

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Kristina: "May he rest in peace, or whatever you say when someone finally gets what they deserve"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nina saying that she and Valentin are honest with each other
Saddest moment: Ned feeling bad that the way Edward always treated Tracy made the rest of her relationships difficult
Sweetest/cutest moment: Falconeri family fun time at the PCPD
Least believable moment: Julian is apparently wandering around in broad daylight without any disguise
Best instance of continuity: Monica has dealt with addiction herself
Worst instance of continuity: All of a sudden Olivia thinks Ned might have a problem with her marrying Ned
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying characters: Elizabeth, Sonny, Brad
Smartest character: Nathan, for finally figuring out that no body might mean no death
Dumbest character: Valentin, who's pretty bad about covering his tracks, considering he was once in the WSB

The week in a nutshell:

April 17th, 2017

Sonny complains about Jax's actions while Carly brands him a hypocrite for being mad about Jax keeping secrets. Dante shows up, having been sent over by Michael to defuse whatever Sonny might be planning, and Jax decides to confess to buying the kidney. Sonny reveals that he recorded their conversation, so it's not like Dante can pretend he didn't hear it. Josslyn comes home just in time to see her father being arrested. Michael's furious with Sonny's actions and warns that if he (meaning Michael, because Michael always has to fix stuff) can't clean up the mess, people – especially Carly – will never forgive Sonny. Tracy wants to unveil her painting at Ned and Olivia's engagement party, which isn't even the most awkward part of the evening. First Olivia gets shamed for bringing bruschetta. Then the fire alarm goes off and everyone splits up to find out why, leaving the painting alone. Then Tracy and Monica snipe at each other, and Ned's one-time hookup with his aunt is mentioned. (Kiki: "Oh, yikes.") Finally, everyone settles down and gives the couple a lovely toast, but the mood drops when Tracy unveils the painting and sees that it's been replaced with one of a clown. Sam and Jason worry that Alexis is in danger with Julian still hanging around, but she figures he would have hurt her already if that was his intention. While Alexis and Julian have flashbacks about the highs and lows of their relationship, Sam and Jason get more photos from Dillon, including one of Julian with Hooper, the guy who always helps people flee town by boat. They head to the docks and find Alexis' scarf, but not her or Julian.

Don't you hate it when you come home from your horseback-riding lesson and your dad is being arrested for buying you a kidney? That's just the worst.

Sonny: "My whole life, my motto's been, 'What you do, you pay for.'" THEN WHY AREN'T YOU IN PRISON?

I want to see Olivia and Kiki hanging out at future Quartermaine gatherings, bonding over how crazy the family is.

Why was Laura at the engagement party? I guess because she and Olivia are in-laws?

When did Hooper start looking like Ethan?

April 18th, 2017

Alexis falls off the wagon again, though this one involves sleeping with Julian. Fortunately, she then tells him they're not getting back together, and she doesn't care what Liv did or didn't make him do, since he was doing horrible stuff before then. Julian can't convince her to run away with him, so he asks her to just give him one last night with her. Meanwhile, Sam and Jason track down Hooper, then use Alexis' phone to find her (she and Julian are at everyone's favorite motel, the Rendezvous). They bring the police with them, and Julian tells them Alexis was his hostage. Ashton tries to take off with the painting, but the woman from the monastery, Samira Adin, accidentally stops him. She tells Tracy she desperately needs the painting to save her daughter, who's been taken by sex traffickers. Tracy's like, "I don't want you to think I don't feel bad, but I also don't want you to think I'm going to help you." The rest of the family thinks she's nuts, of course, and Monica even invites Samira to stay at the house. Samira tries to prove her honesty by giving Tracy a ring and notebook that belonged to Edward. She explains that Edward and her mother were "friends" (, but Tracy seems to think they might have been more. Franco asks Jake about the scarecrow again, and Jake again denies drawing it. He also asks Franco not to tell anyone about the new drawing of the boy behind the tree. Franco tells Elizabeth anyway, upsetting Jake, who doesn't want anyone to know about the scarecrow. Ned decides this is the last straw and he doesn't want Ashton in his life anymore. Inspired to be a better father than his own, he agrees to adopt Leo.

Oh, yay, Alexis hooked up with the man who tried to kill her! I'm so happy! (There are actually people who feel this way without the sarcasm. I don't get it.)

I hope they put Julian in a cell next to Jax's.

I actually said they should just let Robert handle the whole thing, so Tracy could keep the painting and not give money to sex traffickers, about two minutes before she brought it up.

If Samira turns out to be yet another illegitimate Quartermaine, I'll revolt.

April 19th, 2017

Nelle's official statement to the police about the kidney donation is that she doesn't want Jax to be punished, and she won't testify if the case goes to trial. Without her testimony, the whole thing falls apart, so Jax is released. Carly thanks Nelle for doing something nice for once, but she's sure Nelle just did it to try to get back in Michael's good graces. Tracy continues to refuse to give Samira the painting, especially since she's still not convinced that Samira isn't trying to scam her. Still suspicious of her paternity, Tracy gets her DNA and asks Finn to run a test. Meanwhile, a man comes to the house asking to see Samira. Finn is a jerk about having to be supervised by Griffin and undergo random drug tests. He again asks Hayden if they have a future together, and she again says she doesn't know yet. Griffin hopes things work out, but right now I'd rather see things work out between him and Hayden. Brad complains some more about his lack of recognition and compensation and blah blah blah, and Griffin really shouldn't trust him to run Finn's drug test. T.J. learns of Jordan and Curtis' budding romance, and though he approves, he's concerned about how awkward things will be if their relationship doesn't work out. Curtis' solution is to find out if this could go somewhere. Method of discovery: sex. Michael thinks Sonny lashed out at Jax because of Morgan's death, and that if Morgan were still alive, he wouldn't be acting like he is.

Careful, Tracy. You're starting to become Carly 2.0. (Finn, you are no Jason.)

Hayden, if Finn's going to continue to be a jerk, and Curtis is going to be with Jordan, you should get with Griffin. Just a suggestion.

Jordan gets 10 cool points for yelling an apology to her downstairs neighbors after she dropped the bowling ball. If she keeps this up, she'll be back to being a good character in no time.

Sonny: "I didn't sleep with Nelle." Michael: "What difference does it make??" Preach it, brother.

April 20th, 2017

Michael and Jason both disapprove of Sonny's actions, because they have brains while Sonny does not. Jason thinks Sonny should focus on working things out with Carly instead of getting revenge on Jax. Sonny translates this as "get worse revenge on Jax" and calls ICE. Michael offers Nelle money not to testify against Jax, not realizing that she's already made that decision. Later, he apologizes to her for thinking the worst of her, and I swear, if he gets together with her, I'm going to lose it. Tracy gets a very reluctant Finn to agree to run a DNA test on Samira, who she really would rather not be related to (because it means Edward cheated on Lila YET AGAIN while they were all mourning him). Someone told ICE that Samira's at the Quartermaines past the expiration date on her temporary visa, and she suspects it was Tracy. Monica (who kicks butt while getting rid of the ICE agent) and Dillon disagree but can't figure out who else might have done it. Franco thinks Jake doesn't want his parents to know about the scarecrow because he's afraid of Jason. Kiki urges him to tell Elizabeth, but Franco doesn't want to break Jake's trust again. Elizabeth overhears them talking, which forces Franco's hand, and she tells him his theory doesn't make any sense.

When Sonny complained that Jax was barely punished, I wish Michael had mentioned that Sonny's supposed to be in prison for murder but only served a few months.

I'm going to miss Tracy/Finn scenes.

Monica, you had more than two children, so which ones are you pretending didn't exist? (Even if we forget about history and the briefly-on-the-show-and-rarely-mentioned Dawn, she's lost two children, not one. Maybe she's posthumously disowning A.J.)

I'm getting really sick of the word "scarecrow."

April 21st, 2017

Elizabeth tells Jason about the scarecrow and Franco's theory that Jake's afraid of him. Jake clears things up, promising he doesn't fear his father, but Jason thinks he knows what's going on. A look through a photo album pings something on Jake's radar. Jax has to leave the country immediately and can never come back. He thinks the easy solution is for Josslyn and Carly to come to Australia with him. Sonny doesn't feel the least bit bad about his decision to get Jax kicked out of the country, even when Carly threatens revenge. This means I have trouble feeling bad for him when Dante brings him Morgan's pills, and Sonny says he wishes he'd been able to tell that something was wrong. The Davis women rally around Alexis once again, but she's not in the mood to hear Molly and Kristina talk about how sleazy Julian is. Sam has already figured out that Alexis wasn't kidnapped, and she's worried about where things will go with her and Julian. Ava hesitant to help Julian get out of jail, since he didn't do anything for her when she was arrested for Liv's crimes. He plays the "I did all that bad stuff for my kids" card, and she can't really argue with that, so she enlists Scott to help him. Scott wants to attack Alexis' character in case she testifies against Julian, but Julian shoots down that idea.

Ugh. Not wanting someone to know something and being scared of that person are two very different things. When has Jake ever indicated that he's scared of Jason? I felt so vindicated when he said Franco's theory was wrong.

I'm not sure how Carly can get back at Sonny, other than maybe helping Ava keep Avery from him, but I don't think she would go that far.

Awww, baby's first Davis women hangout.

Once again, Julian puts Alexis in a legally shaky situation. Just go away, man.

Arrested: Jax Jacks, Julian Jerome
Injured: Molly Davis (poor Haley Pullos)
New in town: Samira Adin
Officially back from the dead: Julian Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Finn to Brad: "Can you say that all again, the exact same way, while I do this?" (walks away)
Funniest moment (unintentional): Scott: "I got this guy." Ava: "YOU GOT A GUY??"
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: Julian's return isn't bigger news
Best instance of continuity: Sonny's birthday
Worst instance of continuity: Finn's now allowed to work
Hero of the week: Monica (unless Samira turns out to have bad intentions)
Most annoying character: Brad
Smartest character: Sam
Dumbest character: Sonny, because having Jax deported will make things better with Carly?

The week in a nutshell:

April 24th, 2017

Jax practically begs Carly to move to Australia with him, but she has too many reasons not to go, even without noting that she's barely broken up with Sonny. Jax admits that he still loves Carly as much as he always has, but he knows she doesn't feel the same way. Alexis tells Jordan that Julian didn't kidnap her, and she went to the motel with him to try to convince him to turn himself in to the police. Jordan doesn't seem to believe her, but she can't get Alexis to spill anything else. Without kidnapping charges, the case against Julian might not go anywhere, but it's not clear how Alexis feels about that, Diane has already figured out that she and Julian slept together at the motel, and she warns that Alexis could face more trouble with the bar association if they find out. Samira tells Ned about her daughter while Tracy tells Laura about her suspicions that Samira is Edward's daughter. When she learns that ICE came looking for Samira, Tracy has an excuse to urge her to leave the country. Jake is anxious over seeing a picture of Jason 1.0, making Jason worry that Jake saw him do something horrible when he was working for Helena. Julian refuses to give up his rights to Leo so Ned can adopt him. Olivia wonders what he'll have worth sticking around for if he manages not to be sent to prison.

Jax, your desperation is showing, and it's not a good look.

Carly: "All Michael does is run around town, trusting people." Ha! She's not wrong.

There has to be some twist here with Samira. Like it's really her mother who's a Quartermaine.

Once again, we're dealing with a plot that should have been dealt with years ago. Jason is just now wondering what he did during his missing two years? He's never thought about it before? Sigh.

April 25th, 2017

Tracy again refuses to hand over the painting, even when Laura points out that Samira's daughter could be Tracy's niece. When Samira suddenly collapses, Tracy is the only person who isn't overly concerned. Finn's drug test comes back positive for opiates, and Hayden suspects that he relapsed. Finn swears that he didn't, and Griffin allows him to retake the test, but Finn can't explain the result. Hayden is still unsure about their future together until Finn proves how serious he is about following the rules (even though he broke them before, to do the DNA test) by declining to treat Samira. AnnaOIS continues being shady, lying to Griffin that she had a phlebotomy session when she didn't, then getting dressed up when she knows Valentin is on his way over. Nina: "I still don't know what's up with this watch." Valentin: "I got you a horse." Nina: "Watch? What watch?" Also, she wants Nelle to act as her spy. Michael: still mad at Nelle, still totally going to forgive her. A Floating Rib bartender tells Dante that he looks at their lost-and-found box all the time and never noticed a bottle of pills in it. Now that she doesn't need Nelle's help, Lulu admits to Dante that she and Laura were going to pimp Michael out.

If Finn isn't going to figure out on his own that Brad obviously tampered with his drug test, maybe he'll talk to Felix and learn about Brad's past doing exactly that.

Yeah, that can't be Anna. She's acting way out of character.

Dude, Griffin, don't threaten to call Robin on AnnaOIS. She may be stubborn but she's also an adult, and Robin isn't her parent.

Funny that Lulu and Nina, who can't stand each other, had the same idea to use Nelle as a spy.

April 26th, 2017

Valentin tries to return the watch to AnnaOIS, who pressures him to drink champagne with her and guilts him into keeping her gift. Nelle cautions Nina not to jump to conclusions about Valentin, since she could misinterpret things and end up screwing up her life. Nina agrees, but after Carly tells her that Nelle lied about sleeping with Sonny, and after she has a strange phone call with Valentin, who lies about what he's doing, she changes her mind and tasks Nelle with spying on Valentin. Lucy gets suspicious when she sees Sonny with Morgan's pills, and she may have been about to spill to him before getting interrupted. Sonny takes the pills to Andre, who confirms that the amount is consistent with Morgan taking them on schedule. Kiki hears them talking about sending the pills to a clinic to be tested. Michael is once again caught in the middle of a Sonny/Carly war, and he can't talk his mother out of retaliation. She's worried that he's going to try to get back with Nelle, but so far, he's being smart. Maybe Ava and Kiki should stop discussing Morgan? Griffin and Andre are both worried about AnnaOIS's behavior. Also, I don't know why Griffin is suddenly hanging out with Ava, but I know I don't like it.

Wow, so much nothing today.

Valentin: (beating his forehead with his fists). Me: "Same."

Whether she's Alex or not, I have no clue with AnnaOIS is up to.

I'm going to disagree with Michael that Carly shouldn't get revenge on Sonny. I want to see what she does.

Griffin: "I'm no angel." Supernatural fans: "Hee hee hee."

April 27th, 2017

Tracy's a little worried that not giving Samira the painting makes her a horrible person, but not so worried that she' know, going to give her the painting. Like Ned, Dillon thinks her sense of love is all screwed up because of Edward. Tracy admits to Laura that she's afraid all the things she's said in Edward's defense will turn out not to be true. Laura points out that he could be both a good and bad person, and that Tracy can make up for past mistakes by doing good in the future. While Laura and Monica debate whether Tracy will do the right thing, Samira tells Kiki that she's going to offer to trade herself for her daughter. Kiki tries to talk her out of it, then works with Dillon to sneak her out of the hospital while Monica distracts the ICE agent. Ned shows up and announces that he knows what's going on, then alerts the agent to Samira's presence. After having a dream about hurting Jake, Jason worries that Helena made him do something to his own son while they were on Cassadine Island. He thinks there could be an answer in Jake's Adventure. Franco finds another addition to Jake's mural, the number 0705, which, when Americanized, is Jake's birthday, May 7th. Sonny snags Diane as his divorce attorney before Carly can, but the joke's on him: He signed over all his legit holdings to Carly when he thought he was going to prison last fall, and he never put them back in his name. If she gets all his money, he'll have to rely on his offshore holdings, and for legal reasons, he may have to leave the country, just like Jax. Alexis can't represent Carly, but she has a referral in mind. Ava learns of the Corinthoses' pending divorce and tells Carly she won't have access to Avery anymore. Carly begs to differ. Sam thinks this is a great time to take a trip back to Cassadine Island, like she doesn't have a two-month-old baby to take care of.

We know Edward cheated on Lila at least twice, so why would this possible third time send Tracy over the edge?

I'm guessing Ned outed Samira because she's lying, but...that ICE agent is really an ICE agent, so...I'm lost.

Maybe instead of reading the book again, Jason could get hypnotized?

"He screwed my wife." Oh, go screw yourself, Sonny.

April 28th, 2017

Tracy books a vacation in Costa Rica and plans to jet off with the painting, leaving everyone else behind to deal with the Samira situation. She goes to the Quartermaine crypt to talk to dead people, seemingly gets beaned in the head by A.J.'s plaque, and dreams that she's standing trial for her life's actions before she's sent to either Heaven or Hell. Diane, the prosecutor, has video footage proving that she's never been a good person. Scott, Tracy's defense attorney, is useless, but mostly because the evidence against his client is so overwhelming. Sonny is the presiding judge, and his bias against the defendant doesn't really matter since the case is so airtight. Nathan is...also there. After revisiting the infamous moment when Edward faked a heart attack and Tracy didn't help him, Tracy realizes the deck is stacked against her and she's always been awful. She begs for another chance and awakens in the crypt, with the plaque in place. Ned knows someone high up in the government and manages to get Samira a six-month extension on her visa, so that's one of her problems solved. When everyone discovers Tracy missing, they struggle to convince themselves that she could still change her mind and do the right thing. Fortunately, she does, as her supposedly near-death experience has made her want to help Samira.

Today in Fun With Out-of-Context Quotes: "Don't send me back as Skye Chandler's baby."

If I were Maurice Benard, I would put that "Judge Corinthos" sign on my dressing-room door and leave it there forever.

Can we please revisit the Leo-is-Alcazar-reincarnated thing in the future?

Samira's not really going to stay for six months, though, right? (I have nothing against the character. It's just that the actress is...not good.)

Left town: Jax Jacks

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Scott: "Lorenzo Alcazar was supposed to come back as a poodle"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Finn: "I had a friend come to me with a problem and I said that I would help." Hayden: "What does Tracy want?"
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Jason coloring with Jake (even though it was a dream... and it ended with a murder attempt... okay, it doesn't sound so sweet anymore)
Least believable moment: No explanation for why Tracy spent all of Friday's episode unconscious
Best instance of continuity: Jason tried to blow up the Haunted Star
Worst instance of continuity: In the whole time Jake has been back, he's never seen a picture of Jason 1.0? I thought we saw him looking at one when he first came back
Hero of the week: Ned
Most annoying character: Sonny
Smartest character: Ned
Dumbest character: Six-months-ago Sonny

The week in a nutshell:

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