General Hospital blog - August, 2009

August 2nd, 2009

This week: Robin tries to play detective again, Dante finds out who's been sleeping in Olivia's bed, and we're all taking a vacation to Mexico!

August 3rd, 2009

Claudia tells Jerry to call off the search for Michael, but Jerry's taking advantage of the situation to find Jason and get rid of him. Meanwhile, Jason and Sam head to a Texas bus station and split up to search Mexico for Michael and Kristina, who are at the same station and under Jerry's watchful eye. Olivia tells Sonny that there's no chance of them getting back together, then actually tells Johnny what happened. This leads to more making out. Mike advises Sonny to make a decision about Claudia quickly because remaining uncertain isn't going to make things any better for her. Sonny decides that it's time to split up with her, but it's not a good time, as she's just learned from Johnny about Sonny kissing Olivia and had a dream about the baby. Nikolas and Rebecca stop Lucky and Ethan's fight with Dante, but Lulu winds up taking him to the hospital, leading Coleman to note that Dante was beaten up and still got the girl. Rebecca tells the guys to back off and let Lulu make her own decisions. The good news is that Lucky and Ethan finally agree on something.

Yes, Mike, 24 hours after a miscarriage is the perfect time to tell your wife you're leaving her. Sonny, why are you taking marital advice from your father?

Olivia and Johnny are seriously the most functional couple on the show right now. Maybe because they're actually honest with each other. It's both refreshing and unfamiliar.

Speaking of good couples, Sam and Jason joking around is just adorable. I can't believe I just said that.

Is Lulu dumb enough to take a guy she just met an hour ago back to her place alone? I can't decide. Also, I would like to note for the record that Rebecca has dated all three of Lulu's brothers (and slept with two of them). I think we have a new record, ladies and gentlemen.

August 4th, 2009

Epiphany spots Dante's gunshot wound and announces that she's calling the police, but he talks her out of it with help from Lulu after he points out that Lucky and Ethan would be arrested for assault. After a ton of flirting with Lulu, Dante heads to Olivia's apartment, where she's engaged in a marathon sex session with Johnny and has failed to securely close the front door. Sonny tells Claudia that he still wants her to live with him. Alexis asks Floyd to tell the police that she didn't kill Brianna, but he wants to stay out of it. Meanwhile, Robin dives back into the case, figuring out that because of the mayor's height and the location of Brianna's head injury, she was most likely killed by someone shorter than Floyd. Nikolas and Rebecca hang out at Jake's, then head to the mansion to engage in a different kind of activity. Edward catches them and kicks Nikolas out, so he goes back to Jake's, gets drunk with Elizabeth, and announces that he wants to kiss her. Back at the mansion, Rebecca tells Ethan that she wants a relationship with Nikolas. He replies that he doesn't want the money anymore, just her.

Watching Dante walk into Olivia's apartment was like watching a horror movie and screaming at the characters, "DON'T GO IN THERE!"

Why in the world does Sonny still want Claudia to live with him? The marriage agreement is long over, and the baby's gone. There's no reason for him to even talk to her anymore. (I mean, his justification for being nice to her because they had a child together basically makes no sense; it's not like he and Sam have any kind of relationship anymore.) Doesn't he still suspect that she might have been involved in Michael's shooting? Please, Jerry, spill the beans to SOMEONE so this stupid storyline will end.

Why haven't we seen Floyd, arguably the center of a major plotline, for over a month? Oh, right, the writers are annoying.

Hey, Rebecca, you're going to have to actually break up with Ethan for this to work. Not that I think this is going to work. Also, just shut up.

August 5th, 2009

Johnny thinks Dante is at Olivia's apartment to see him and makes him leave without catching on that Dante and Olivia know each other. Dante goes to Kelly's, where he complains about Olivia to Lulu before they're joined by Sonny. Sonny and Dante commiserate for a little while before Olivia arrives and tells supposed stranger Dante that he should avoid Sonny and not go to places where he doesn't belong. Johnny overhears Claudia talking to Jerry and rips into her for putting Michael and Kristina in danger. He announces that not only is he cutting ties with her, but he's also going to tell Sonny about her role in Michael's shooting. With help from Spinelli, Sam finds Michael and Kristina at an Internet café, but they run off before she can see them (and possibly before they see online that Alexis is the newest suspect in Claudia's accident). Robin proves her theory that Alexis is left-handed and therefore couldn't have killed Brianna. Sonny convinces Claudia to keep their living arrangements the same because he wants to show her the respect she supposedly deserves. As Rebecca tries to tell Ethan that the con is over and he refuses to cut ties with her, Nikolas and Elizabeth admit a mutual attraction and agree to never get drunk together again.

Johnny just made the best decision he's ever made. Of course, now there's nothing to stop Claudia from unleashing hell on anyone she wants, but in the end, I think it was a good move.

Sonny brought the funny today - first when he tried to shield Dante's eyes when Lulu was leaving the diner, and then when he told Dante that Olivia's crazy about him. More Sonny humor! More Sonny and Dante! More Dante in general!

Shouldn't the PCPD be concerned that a doctor is doing their job more effectively than they are?

So after all these months of Nikolas saying over and over that he wants to be with Rebecca, now he suddenly wants to be with Elizabeth? Doesn't anyone else find that strange? I mean, I know I joke about the Slept with Siblings Club, but when your sibling is your best friend, would you sleep with his or her ex/kind of current boyfriend/girlfriend?

August 6th, 2009

Michael e-mails Morgan to let him know that he and Kristina are okay but he can't tell anyone but Molly. Molly has spent the day eavesdropping on Alexis and Diane and knows that Kristina caused Claudia's accident, which she tells Morgan when he delivers Michael's message. Sam continues to look for Michael and Kristina (who are right under her nose) as Jerry continues to lurk. His lurking pays off as he finds Kristina and Michael in the midst of a mugging. Robin considers herself a master detective after proving that Andrea's right-handed. She asks Andrea to broker peace between Mac and Floyd, but Andrea wants her to back off and tells Mac to keep Robin under control or Floyd will have him removed from office. Maxie invites Lulu to a Scorpio family dinner as Spinelli plans to ask Mac for permission to marry her.

I think the writers have forgotten that Morgan is Kristina's brother, too. Why would he ask Carly if he could go to Molly's house? Molly's his cousin; Kristina's his sister. Also, who cares if Molly and Morgan know a) where Michael and Kristina are or b) that Kristina caused the accident? Are they going to run away, too? Get kidnapped? Do anything interesting at all?

For an honors student, Kristina is pretty dumb. Also, if Michael says one more time anything containing the sentiment "you have no idea who I am/my father is," I'm going to smack him.

Yes, Robin, confronting a possible murderer by yourself is a brilliant idea. Robin, you're even teenier than Brianna! If Andrea killed her, she can kill you even more easily! Also, you have no proof of anything! 90 percent of the population is right-handed! Almost everyone is shorter than the mayor! Gaaaaaah!

So which inanimate object got more screentime today - the bag of carrots, Max's deck of cards, or Robin's keys?

August 7th, 2009

Olivia talks to Carly about the Dante/Johnny situation, and Carly tells her to forget about what Dante thinks and do what she wants. Back at her apartment, Dante confronts his mother about the company she's been keeping, claiming that it's less about Johnny's age and more about what he does. She feels the same way about who he's getting mixed up with, and he responds that it's his a cop. Jerry kills the two guys who tried to mug Michael and Kristina, then acts like fun Uncle Jerry, promising not to tell anyone where they are. Kristina trusts him but Michael is skeptical. Sam's still on their trail and tracks them down, but before she can reach them, Jerry finds her. After semi-random conversations with Sonny and Dante, Spinelli heads over to Mac's house to ask permission to marry Maxie, as Lulu, Robin, and Patrick look on with amusement. Molly and Morgan keep Michael's e-mail quiet from everyone, but Molly ultimately spills to Kiefer, who calls Kristina selfish and throws a glass.

Dante's an undercover cop! I totally didn't see that coming! Excellent twist. I've said for a while that I thought it would be funny if Michael grew up to be a cop, and now, indeed, Sonny has a son who's a cop. Love it! Oh, and for the record, Brandon Barash and Dominic Zamprogna are the same age - which happens to be just nine years younger than Lisa Lo Cicero. Maurice Benard is 16 years older than Zamprogna, so Sonny could conceivably be Dante's father, but Olivia as his mother is a bigger stretch.

Sebastian Roche has teased that he's going to do some things this month that people won't like. I wonder if he's going to shoot Sam? Come on, like you'd be surprised.

So...Jason's dead, right? I mean, what other excuse would he have for not answering the zillion messages people have left him?

Oh, Kiefer. Sonny already hates you. You'd better pray he never finds out you hit his daughter.

I keep wanting to award people with some sort of recognition for a Moment of the Episode - a moment that stands out as particularly amusing or perfectly acted, even if it's small and would be otherwise overlooked. Today's MOTE goes to Julie Marie Berman for the way Lulu said, "Please," when asked if she wanted any wine.

August 8th, 2009

Next week: Elizabeth and Rebecca finally have it out, Maxie makes a decision, Olivia meddles in Dante's life, and Sam attempts to live up to her title as an everyday hero.

August 10th, 2009

Michael remembers Jerry talking to him while he was in a coma and wonders what Jerry's really been up to. He manages to convince Kristina that they can't trust him, and they're about to run off when one of Jerry's goons tells them they're supposed to stay put. Jerry takes Sam to the ruins of a church and has her call Jason and give him directions. She alerts him to Jerry's presence, and for some reason Jerry thinks this is good because Jason's more likely to show up for revenge on him than to save Sam, Michael, or Kristina. Claudia warns Dante that no one trusts him because he betrayed the Zacchara organization. Johnny shows up and Claudia starts trashing Olivia, but this time Dante helps Johnny call her on it. Dante and Johnny intercept a drug shipment, and when the police arrive, Dante tells Johnny to run and lets himself get arrested. Sonny tries to hook up with Olivia again, then goes home to fight with Claudia over her. Maxie winds up torpedoing her own plan and standing up to Mac, then accepting Spinelli's proposal. Molly shares her fears with Alexis over her mother going to jail. Nikolas and Elizabeth...I don't know, but they had a scene together, so I figured I should mention it.

If Dante's smart (and I'm thinking he is), he'll tell the police that he's an undercover cop and to give him some leeway to see everything through. They should be happy to know he's on their side.

What's with Jerry's obsession with raping (or in this case, having other people rape) Sam? Maybe it's just the show's way of reminding us that rapists are evil but mobsters are just conflicted. Also, I don't get why Jerry thinks Jason would rather get revenge on him than save Sam, Michael, or Kristina. He'd show up no matter what Sam said to him. Points for asking when they're getting back together, though.

Okay, so Michael and Kristina know that Jerry held people hostage at the hotel and they STILL thought he was okay? What is UP with them?

Apparently Maxie's just so used to opposing Mac that she does it on autopilot now. Maxie, just say you want a long engagement. A loooooooooooong engagement.

August 11th, 2009

Dante lets himself get arrested, then stonewalls Diane until he can tell Louise to place a call to his department. This leads to Mac discovering that he's a detective working to bring down Sonny. Jason finds Jerry at the church ruins and they spend a lot of time shooting at each other and talking about Sam before a balcony collapses on them. Michael quickly figures out that he and Kristina are being kept in Jerry's apartment for a reason and they should get out as fast as they can. After an hour of discussing it, they finally attempt to make a break for it, but they didn't factor a possible fight with their guard into the equation. Kate drops by Olivia's apartment to reminisce, admitting that she regrets turning her back on their family so completely. For some reason, she thinks Olivia can avoid the mistakes Kate made by telling Sonny that he's Dante's father and letting them cultivate a relationship. Olivia refuses once again. Upon learning about Maxie and Spinelli's engagement from Lulu, Kate commandeers all the planning, wanting to turn the event into a Crimson story. She wants to pick the dress, plan everything, and bar Jason from the proceedings, which goes over about as well as you'd expect. To shut her up, Maxie announces that they've already picked a date, September 21st. Robin and Patrick are really cute, but not as cute as Emma.

Today's MOTE goes to Dominic Zamprogna for every single delivery of the line, "I'm a longshoreman." I heart him.

Oh, my gosh, Jerry is more obsessed with Sam than anyone has ever been obsessed with anything. I almost started a "drink whenever Jerry says 'Sam'" drinking game. Also, I didn't think he was dumb enough to keep talking so that Jason could follow his voice and find out where he was. Way to be a villain, Jerry.

I don't know why I keep bothering to mention it, but Michael and Kristina are IDIOTS. Did they not think that guard might have a weapon? I feel like I need some sort of shorthand for "Michael and Kristina are dumb."

Guess that's it for Kate for this month. See you in September, you annoying shrew who's officially lost all of her redeeming qualities! I forgot why I ever liked you, and you only make me feel sorry for Megan Ward!

August 12th, 2009

Even while trapped under the remains of the church and being shot in the shoulder, Jason just wants to know if Claudia was responsible for Michael's shooting. Jerry will only admit that he was an accomplice. Mac and Louise consider going through the motions with Dante, then sending him back to Brooklyn and getting him away from Sonny's organization so he doesn't get killed. At the last minute they decide to agree with Diane that there's no reason for the arrest and let him go. Olivia finds Dante at his meet-up spot with his contact, Ronnie (who she also knows), and tells him to go back to Brooklyn, but he refuses. Ronnie worries that Olivia will tell Sonny or Johnny that Dante's a cop. Having been spurned by Rebecca yet again, Ethan tells Lucky exactly what they've been up to since arriving in Port Charles. Johnny's the only person content with the situation, sure that he can now trust Dante. Michael and Kristina get away from Jerry's goon and decide to head to Cancun. Really, we have to put up with this Maxie/Spinelli crap for another month?

I don't get why Jerry won't give Claudia up, especially if he thinks a) Jason's going to die and b) he himself is never going to see Claudia again. Why not throw her under the bus?

Wow, I can't believe Ethan actually advanced his plot! It's even more impressive than the fact that he told the truth for once.

Speaking of surprises, I can't believe Mac isn't willing to sacrifice Dante just to bust Sonny and Jason. He's actually willing to lose an inside man in order to keep some stranger safe? Also, just curious, but what jurisdiction does Dante have in Port Charles as a Brooklyn detective? Why didn't they just have him turn out to be working with Rayner?

I give Kristina five minutes in Cancun before she drinks the water.

I'm trying to fight the urge to hit fast-forward every time Spinelli and Maxie are onscreen. It makes me sad, but it's true.

August 13th, 2009

Nikolas invites Rebecca to go to Greece with him and Spencer. At the same time, Lucky tells Elizabeth what Ethan told him, and they debate whether or not to tell Nikolas what Rebecca's been up to or wait and let her rip him off so he'll see her true nature himself. In the end, Lucky tells Nikolas the truth while Elizabeth confronts Rebecca. Dante catches Kiefer hassling Morgan and scares him off, then takes Morgan to Carly's, where Olivia is paying her a visit. Olivia is unhappy to hear about Dante's early run-in with Morgan, Michael, and Carly, and tells him as much at the Laundromat, where Johnny spots them together. Zacchara summons Johnny to prison and announces that he wants Johnny to help him take down Sonny. Johnny refuses, of course, and asks Spinelli to help him get Zacchara transferred or put in solitary so he can't organize a takeover. Spinelli points out that Johnny will now be forced to take sides and may align himself with Sonny, which means he'll be against his own family. Robin learns from the Floyds' housekeeper that Andrea once told Floyd that she'd rather see him ruined or dead than lose him.

I should probably stop trying to inject logic into these storylines, but let me see if I have this straight: Morgan bought baseball tickets online without being sure of who he was going to the game with (a game that isn't exactly in Port Charles, by the way), then suggested to his mom that he go with a guy he barely knows and who basically took him, his mom, and his brother hostage a few weeks ago. And Carly's considering it. And has said nothing about the fact that Morgan went to get the tickets by himself and accepted a ride home from Dante, who, again, he barely knows and who took him, Michael, and Carly hostage. Also, Jax went on a business trip in the midst of Michael's disappearance. Do these people think their brains are just there for decoration? (And I'm not sure if I'm talking about the characters or the writers here.)

Why in the WORLD would Elizabeth and Lucky consider not telling Nikolas about Rebecca's true intentions? Are they the worst friends ever?

Why was Johnny at the Landromat? These are the things I think about, people.

I think I find Patrick and Robin all the more adorable simply because he keeps reminding her that she's not actually a detective. I don't know why, but I think if he didn't do that, I'd be more annoyed by this plotline.

Poor Jason's still trapped under that rubble, and Sam's apparently still chained up in a room with a skeevy potential rapist. Not nice, writers.

August 14th, 2009

While Lucky gives Nikolas all the info Ethan gave him, Rebecca tells Elizabeth that she wants them to be friends because she's in love with Nikolas. Elizabeth thinks she's telling the truth. Rebecca tells Ethan that she's decided to come clean to Nikolas, hoping Nikolas will understand. Lucky worries that Nikolas is going all Cassadine, which is bad timing since he's about to confront Rebecca. Olivia calls Dante's lieutenant and demands a meeting with Ronnie, in which she requests that he be transferred to a different case. Dante successfully lobbies to stay put, then confronts Olivia for meddling. Jason hallucinates Michael, Kristina, and Carly criticizing him for not looking out for the teens, but things start looking up when Sam finds him. Jax meets Dante and, hearing his history with his family, makes it clear that he's not a fan. Michael and Kristina get jobs and are boring.

Okay, Nikolas, start channeling!

Olivia, I really like you, so stop the meddling before it goes too far. I don't want to start hating you.

Even in Jason's hallucinations, Carly's annoying.

I kind of hope they just gloss over how Sam freed herself and found Jason. It's not really that important, and it makes her look tougher.

Thank you, Jax, for having a reasonable reaction to the Dante situation. It's sad that you're a better father to Michael and Morgan than Sonny is.

August 16th, 2009

This week: Jason and Sam are unsurprisingly still in danger, Sonny learns what really happened the night of the accident, and someone finds out about Dante's paternity (but will most likely keep it quiet).

August 17th, 2009

Nikolas confronts Rebecca, then gives her a check for a million dollars and calls her a whore. She tries to tell her side of the story but he doesn't care and kicks her out. She comes clean to the Quartermaines, delighting Tracy and making Edward realize there was a reason he liked her so much. Elizabeth finds a distraught Nikolas on the parapet and literally talks him down from the ledge. Sam tends to Jason's injuries and tries to convince him that Michael and Kristina are safe and will take care of each other. Dante tells Olivia that he's not leaving his case and she should realize that she's chosen wrong between him and mobsters. Sonny criticizes Johnny for letting Dante get arrested, but Dante doesn't see a problem with taking the fall. Olivia shows up at Sonny's, accusing him of messing with foundation paperwork in order to see her, and he tries to play it off innocently. Dante overhears them talking and jumps in, thinking Olivia's going to tell Sonny that he's a cop.

I like drunk Nikolas. He's funny and says what I'm thinking.

Is there some reason Sam can't take Jason to a hospital? Remind me never to have to rely on her for medical attention.

Holy continuity, Batman! A second mention of Sam's brother Danny, a mention of Alexis' cross-dressing days, and a mention of Katherine. Yay, writers!

Today's MOTE goes to Bergen Williams (Alice) for subtly taking notes in the background while Rebecca spilled all to the Quartermaines. Hee.

August 18th, 2009

Rebecca blasts Lucky for telling Nikolas about her scam, and he defends himself by pointing out that he, unlike her, was being loyal to a sibling. Later Rebecca meets Dante, and after a few too many drinks, they go to his room (which used to be her room), where she passes out before anything can happen. Elizabeth reminds Nikolas that Emily was human, not a perfect angel, and he needs to move on. He realizes that the only time he's ever not thought about Emily since her death was when he was kissing Elizabeth, so they make out, unaware that Lucky has just arrived at Wyndemere. Michael finds a PDA on the beach, and he and Kristina use it to send untraceable messages to their parents. Sonny figures out that Alexis is taking the blame for the accident because Kristina's the real guilty party. Sam tells stories about her PI adventures to keep Jason awake and makes him promise not to die. They don't realize that Jerry is still lurking around. Dante really doesn't want to listen to Sonny talk about Olivia or her relationship with Johnny, and tries tactfully to tell him to leave her alone.

Ewww, Rebecca, keep your awfulness away from Dante.

You hear that, Jason? If you see a white light, you have to say, "Sorry, no can do - I promised Sam I wouldn't die." Actually, if you see a white light, I'd be really surprised. You kill people for a living, which isn't exactly looked upon fondly in Heaven.

I'm sorry, that chick Michael's seeing has to be in her 20s. Also, what's the point of her being in this story?

More continuity, though of the variety I don't like to think about - Elizabeth mentioned Emily's relationships with Sonny and Zander.

August 19th, 2009

Jax and Carly enlist Spinelli to trace Michael and Kristina's e-mails while Jax and Sonny fight over which one of them will be going to Mexico to retrieve them. Spinelli succeeds but lies that he failed, instead only telling Diane that he found the teens because he can't decide whether Sonny or Jax should go. Sam and Jason hide from Jerry, who leaves without finding them. Jason goes back to hallucinating, this time thinking he and Sam are in Hawaii four years ago. Robin's still Nancy Drewing it up, this time engaging in some role play with Patrick to show that Brianna's murder might not have been premeditated. The two of them determine that Andrea must have taken the murder weapon with her, so they should get an inventory of what was in the room to find out what was missing. Andrea stops by and tries to goad Robin into accusing her of something, but Patrick keeps Robin from saying anything. Andrea then goes to the hospital, pretending that she wants to set up an appointment with Robin so she can see her schedule. Elizabeth puts on the brakes before she and Nikolas can get too far, which is good timing because Lucky walks in seconds later. Later Molly arrives to ask for Nikolas' help with Alexis and Kristina's situation, making Nikolas realize that he's been self-centered for too long and needs to help his family.

If Jason and Sam don't get together after this, I'll be really ticked at the writers. Don't you dare tease me like this!

Emma officially gets more screentime than Kate. Sad.

Two MOTEs today, one each for Kimberly McCullough (Robin) and Jason Thompson (Patrick) for their role playing. Perfectly done.

Wow, even MORE continuity! It's like the writers are trying to top themselves. Not only did we have a bunch of scenes reminding us about Sam and Jason's trip to Hawaii, but Spinelli named all of Carly and Jax's past spouses, including Miranda - I swear I thought I was the only person who remembered her.

August 20th, 2009

Jax overhears Olivia and Kate talking about Dante's paternity and confronts Olivia about her secrets. Nikolas sees Dante and Rebecca leaving his room together and gets the wrong idea. Rebecca decides to tell Alexis that she was right all along, but neither Nikolas nor Alexis is won over enough to treat her any nicer. In fact, Monica's the only person who doesn't seem to care that Rebecca's a lying con artist. Carly catches Olivia talking to Ronnie and tries to find out what's going on, but Olivia won't spill. Later, Johnny asks Ronnie (who also used to work for the Zaccharas) if Dante can be trusted; Ronnie, of course, says he can. Dante arrives and makes sure that Johnny and Lulu are done, then makes the mistake of asking about Johnny's relationship with Olivia. Johnny goes for the inappropriate sharing and gets punched in return. Kate tells Jax that when she first started Crimson, she accepted money from Trevor that most likely came from the Zaccharas, so she's pretty much guilty of money laundering. Giselle is now threatening to rat her out to the IRS. Lulu glues her hand to her head and faces embarrassment in front of Dante, Matt, Robin, and Patrick. Eventually Matt finds a solvent to help her out and they do some bonding. Lucky encourages Elizabeth to spend more time with Nikolas while he's getting over his breakup. Elizabeth and Nikolas agree that that's a bad idea, but they're not sure how to tell Lucky.

Okay, Dante, you kind of had that coming. Why would you ask Johnny anything about his relationship with Olivia? I thought you were smarter than that. Also, stop telling people you're from Bensonhurst. People are going to start putting two and two together (frankly, I'm surprised they haven't already) or they're going to start asking questions. Actually, I'm waiting for Sonny to call Lois' mom and ask if she knows anyone with "Dominic"'s last name in the neighborhood.

I can't believe Olivia hasn't told Kate that Dante's in town, working undercover and using an alias. What if Kate runs into him and calls him Dante in front of the wrong person?

Yeah, Rebecca, it's really unreasonable of Nikolas to not be able to forgive you a full 12 hours after finding out you've been lying to him and planning to screw him over for months now. What a jerk!

Is Molly supposed to talk like a 40-year-old, or do the writers just not know how to write for a kid?

Elizabeth is once again lying to Lucky. I hate her so much. She acts so self-righteous about what other people do, and then she turns around and lies about who she's kissing/sleeping with/whatever. How is she any better than Rebecca?

Another MOTE to Julie Marie Berman for making the best of a stupid plot. They should give her more comedy; she does that better than drama.

August 21st, 2009

Jax agrees to keep Dante's paternity a secret, thinking that it'll never be relevant anyway since he and Sonny will never cross paths. Carly and Morgan run into Dante at Kelly's, and Olivia is flustered when she catches them together, wondering if Dante's trying to use Sonny's family to get dirt on him. Jax arrives as Dante and Olivia are making veiled comments about each other and possibly figures out that Dominic is really Dante. Claudia's still mourning the baby, though Sonny and Johnny both think she needs to move on. (Of course, Johnny thinks she should move on from Sonny as well.) After a brief bonding experience with Claudia, Sonny establishes a college scholarship in the baby's name and tells Claudia he doesn't want a divorce. Jason is better, and nothing else interesting happens in his storyline. Nikolas and Elizabeth are successful at spending family time together until Lucky goes off with the kids and leaves them alone together.

I hope Jax does figure out that Dominic is Dante and yells at Olivia for keeping another secret. I still don't get why she hasn't told Kate he's there, and why she didn't tell Jax who he was. Because her other secrets have been kept so well?

For possibly the first time ever, I'm actually on Claudia's side - she deserves as much time as she needs to mourn the baby. Sonny and Johnny should leave her alone. Also, didn't Johnny just break off all ties with Claudia a couple weeks ago? I guess he forgot about that.

Sonny got that scholarship established pretty quickly. I thought he was going to get Claudia a puppy. That would've been more exciting.

Dear Sam and Jason: KISS ALREADY.

August 22nd, 2009

Next week: Kristina finally comes clean with Michael, Johnny gets fed up with Claudia again, Jax figures it out, and Jason and Sam make me very, very happy.

August 24th, 2009

Jax has, indeed, figured out that "Dominic" is Dante, and though he agrees to keep this quiet, he won't help Olivia get Dante taken off Sonny's case. She thinks he doesn't care about her son because Dante will be able to finally take Sonny down. She tries to guilt Jax by noting that Carly won't be happy when she finds out about the secrets he's been keeping, but Jax still won't budge. Carly talks to Dante about the choices he's made and admits that she can see similarities between him and Michael and Morgan. She's surprised when Jax agrees to let Dante take Morgan to Sonny's house, where the three bond over baseball. Sam fixes Jason's car and they celebrate with some kissing. After yet another make-out session, Elizabeth tells Nikolas that they really have to stop, which drives him back to Rebecca to ask for another go at things. Claudia's surprised that Sonny wants to stay married to her and asks for more respect and another baby.

This may be the first time I've had to say this, but Olivia? Shut up. Jax has enough to worry about without you guilting him. You worry about your family and let him worry about his. Plus, you know exactly as much about certain secrets as Jax does, so Carly will probably be mad at you, too, when it all comes out.

Wow, Sam and Jason finally listened to me!

I can totally see Elizabeth sleeping with both Nikolas and Lucky and winding up pregnant. Oooh, I hate her so much.

Seriously, Sonny, look into getting Claudia a puppy. It'll take her mind off of wanting to have your child.

August 25th, 2009

Sonny, Morgan, and Dante talk baseball for a million hours, which allows Claudia to do some bonding with Morgan. She and Sonny are also able to have an actual conversation, especially after he assures her that things with Olivia are definitely over. Dante overhears this and lets Olivia know that this means she can go back to Bensonhurst and let him do his job. She responds exactly as you'd expect her to. Nikolas asks Rebecca to get back together and invites her back to Wyndemere. As he and Elizabeth talk about how their kissing has to stop, Rebecca thanks Ethan for spilling the beans because everything worked out. While Elizabeth reminisces about her kissing sessions with Nikolas, he plans to bed Rebecca again, even though he doesn't seem too happy. Kristina thinks Kiefer has found a new girlfriend and decides she needs to go home. Jason and Sam make like bunnies, then decline to discuss what happened.

Y'all, I think Nikolas is about to go all Cassadine on Rebecca. I only hope it's as spectacular as I imagine it will be.

Are the Yankees sponsoring the show now or something? Seriously, how long were those conversations about the new stadium and the World Series? If I wanted to watch baseball, I'd be watching baseball. That's not why I watch this show. I watch it for the eye candy! If you want me to care about baseball, have Dante, Jason, Nikolas, and Johnny play. Shirtless.

Oh, Sam. You were with Jason how long, and you don't remember that he doesn't like to talk about anything? That's going to be one awkward road trip.

So Kristina won't go home to confess to a crime she committed, but she'll go home for her loser boyfriend who hits her? How did a smart woman like Alexis produce such a dumb child? But I'm guessing there will be some bonding when Sonny inevitably finds out about Kiefer's abuse and tells Kristina about his past. Maybe then she'll shut up about her daddy issues. Honey, everyone on this show has daddy issues. Find a more unique problem.

Oh, hey, it's Ethan. Okay, now that you've put in an appearance, go away for another two weeks.

August 26th, 2009

Rebecca questions how quickly Nikolas' attitude towards her has changed, and he lays it on thick trying to tell her that he wants her to know how much he loves her. He later confides in Alfred that he wants revenge for the way Rebecca used Emily's memory. Sam and Jason take an extremely awkward drive to Cancun, accompanied by a radio talk show about ex-lovers who are happy after getting back together. Sam is obviously smitten again, and though Jason remains stoic as usual, he shows his true feelings with another kissing session. Ethan admits his role in Rebecca's scheme to Tracy and Lulu, the latter of whom is furious that he helped dupe Nikolas. Dante arrives to flirt with her some more and winds up playing Ethan for more information on her. Lulu uncovers Ethan's attempts to cheat, then tries to dodge more of Dante's flirting, but eventually has to kiss him so he'll shut up. Kristina comes clean to Michael about her role in Claudia's accident, and he agrees that she should go home. Maxie tries to make Spinelli choose between staying in the penthouse or marrying her, but it backfires and they wind up with plans to live with Jason after they're married. Spinelli also doesn't want to have sex again until their wedding night. Olivia tries to break up with Johnny, telling him it's because of their age difference, but he seduces her into changing her mind.

Rebecca's really so dense that she doesn't get Nikolas is putting on an act? She deserves this even more now.

Sam is so much more likable when she's vulnerable.

Lulu has much more self-control than I do, because I wouldn't be able to resist Dante's flirting. It'd be like yelling at an adorable dog for playing with a squeaky toy too loudly.

Ug, that let's-not-have-sex-again-until-we're-married thing is such a sitcom plot. Next!

August 27th, 2009

Kristina doesn't have enough money to get back to Port Charles, so Michael pawns a jerk's watch to make up the difference. Of course, the jerk catches on and only speaks the language of violence. Johnny gets fed up with Claudia's fake concern over Michael (again) and blows up at her (again), though this time Sonny overhears and announces that they need to have a talk. Nikolas uses his Cassadine influence to keep Alexis out of jail for Claudia's accident. She winds up being sentenced to doing six months of pro bono work and having to resign as DA. Robin and Patrick turn to Jax and Olivia for help with the Brianna case, and the four determine that the murder weapon may have been a statue missing from the mayor's room after the night of the murder. As Robin gives Alexis the news that she may not be arrested for Brianna's murder, Andrea eavesdrops. Jax confronts Spinelli about keeping quiet about Michael and Kristina's location, and Spinelli finally gives it up. Kiefer asks Sonny if he's heard from Michael or Kristina, and Sonny makes it clear that he doesn't consider Kiefer an appropriate associate for his daughter. Kiefer is dumb enough to approach Morgan and Molly next, this time getting a smackdown from Carly. Max and Diane almost catch Dante stealing information on a shipment from Sonny's desk. Ronnie thinks Dante is going soft on Sonny because he doesn't want Morgan to lose his father. Maxie stands up to Mac again, making Spinelli think she's less uncertain about getting married.

$5 says Jason shows up in time to make that idiot back off of Michael.

Dear Robin, you STILL have yet to come up with any proof that Alexis didn't kill Brianna, other than the left-handed thing. Don't quit your day job.

I can't wait for the day when Sonny orders a hit on Kiefer. I hope it's painful.

Max and Diane have sex in their boss' house? Psychos.

Two MOTEs today: one to Lexi Ainsworth (Kristina) for telling that numbskull that she doesn't think she's contagious anymore, and one for Maurice Benard (Sonny) for the way Sonny went all godfather on Kiefer.

August 28th, 2009

Jason and Sam defuse the Michael/jerk situation, let everyone back home know the teens are safe, and go to a hotel so Jason can get medical attention and Sam can inform Kristina that Alexis has confessed to her crime. Michael tells Jason that Kristina can go home if she wants but he's not leaving Mexico. Sonny tells Johnny that he wouldn't be alive if it weren't for Claudia, so he should show some more respect. After Sonny leaves, Johnny warns Claudia that she should get away from Sonny ASAP because Jerry could have ratted her out to Jason. Claudia thinks that Jerry would never give Jason anything he wants, even if it comes with the bonus of seeing Claudia get what's coming to her. Johnny again severs ties with Claudia, who gets home in time to hear Sonny and Alexis discussing the fact that Kristina drove her off the road. Andrea listens in as Robin outlines what she thinks are the pieces of evidence proving that Andrea killed Brianna. Patrick catches her and exposes her to Robin and Alexis, then later warns Robin that she's going down a dangerous road. Apparently he's right, as Andrea wants more information on poisons. For some reason, Kiefer is really interested in knowing when Kristina will be back. Molly seems to be the only person who doesn't see right through him. Giselle gets arrested and Kate informs Maxie and Lulu that she and Jax orchestrated her downfall. She also knew about their suspicions of her the whole time and appreciates their loyalty.

Really, that was the cliffhanger, Claudia finding out that Kristina caused the accident? It's not like she was about to kill Alexis when she found out. Whatever, this plot needs to be over.

It's very telling how Carly, Sonny, and Alexis each reacted to the news that Michael and Kristina were safe. Carly said that Jason found Michael, giving no credit to Sam. Sonny said that Michael was okay, completely ignoring the fact that Kristina was there, too. Alexis was the only person to mention that both teens were okay (even though Michael is no relation to her) as well as note that Sam and Jason both found them. Basically, Sonny and Carly are, as always, self-centered, while Alexis looks at the big picture.

I love how they shoehorned the Giselle thing in there, probably because they finally realized that no one cares about it. Adios, boring non-story.

Today's MOTE is for Christian Alexander (Kiefer), who manages to make me hate Kiefer just by looking at him. It can't be easy to pull off smarmy without even opening one's mouth.

August 29th, 2009

Next week: want to go to a carnival? (Say no.)

August 31st, 2009

Claudia complains to Johnny that Sonny and Alexis are protecting Kristina and ignoring the fact that her baby died. Later, when Sonny fills her in and tells her they need to keep it quiet, Claudia promises to play along, but it's obvious she really wants revenge. Sonny wants Dante to guard Michael and Morgan, and though Carly's game, Jax expresses less enthusiasm. Jason tells Michael that he gets to decide whether or not to go home, but he can't compare his situation to Jason's. Sam lectures Kristina about taking responsibility for her actions, which leads Kristina to convince Michael to come home and face the music with her. Jason makes everyone agree not to tell anyone about the run-in with Jerry or his injuries because Carly will freak out. Kiefer bugs Molly to talk to him about Kristina, then asks Alexis to go easy on her when she returns. He and Alexis agree that Kristina didn't start acting out until Michael woke up. Olivia tries again to get Dante to leave town, but he still won't go.

If I were Johnny or Jax, I would smack Claudia in the face any chance I got. You know, just for the heck of it.

Actually, I'm with Carly on this - why doesn't Jax want Dante to guard Michael and Morgan? You'd think he'd be happy about them being protected by a cop.

So here's the amended list of things Carly can't find out about until after the baby's born: Claudia and Jerry were involved in Michael's shooting; Jason got shot in Mexico; he, Sam, Michael, and Kristina ran into Jerry in Mexico; Carly is an inappropriate nickname for Caroline; and Jon and Kate broke up.

Okay, so what exactly is Kiefer's angle? I'd really like to know what his motive is for wanting to spend so much time with Kristina. I just don't get it.

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