General Hospital blog - August, 2014

August 1st, 2014

Sam and Patrick are curious about Nina's medical condition, so she suggests a trip to the clinic where Nina was comatose. You know, the clinic where Robin's tending to Jason. What could possibly go wrong? Fluke likes Ava's idea about letting her be the new Mickey. Nina continues Operation Win Silas Over. Spencer catches Franco trying to get into Carly's email so he can use the recording to bring down Sonny. Franco threatens to turn him in as a runaway, and Spencer threatens him back by saying he'll tell Carly what he was doing. Ultimately, the nine-year-old wins. Sonny and Julian do a lot of posturing and threatening and the like. Also, Sonny steals some art from the gallery. Brad urges Britt to be a hero by bringing Spencer home, but she doesn't actually know where he is, so that might not work.

I'm pretty sure those pictures of Jason weren't there before, or they were somewhere else, because they were a lot more prominent today than they've been in the past.

Sonny, man, Julian did you a favor.

Come on, Franco. We all know chances are Carly's password includes Jason's name.

Today we got a nice reminder that Spencer is half Corinthos. Or was that his Cassadine side bending back Franco's fingers?

Dead: Mickey Diamond

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Julian: "Not everyone can pass notes in study hall like you and Corinthos Light"; drunk Olivia (of course)
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Julian thinking Alexis and Danny were dead
Sweetest/cutest moment: Morgan and Alice's friendship, once again
Least believable moment: When kids run away, don't the police and their families talk to their friends?
Best instances of continuity: Olivia knows Lois; Josslyn and Spencer's middle names
Worst instance of continuity: On Wednesday, Anna thought Jordan was wrong about Luke, but on Thursday, she thought Jordan's suspicions had merit
Hero of the week: Danny, whose tantrum saved four lives
Most annoying character: Nina
Smartest character: Ava (she's killing me)
Dumbest character: Nina – never assume you know who's at the door
Things we learned this week: 1. Never drunk-dial an animal shelter.
2. Sonny knows his Die Hard movies.
Best/most memorable moment of the week: 1. Julian at the lake house

The week in a nutshell:

August 2nd, 2014

Next week: Road trip! Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole about the driver's not-really-dead husband.

August 4th, 2014

Patrick and Sam (posing as Sabrina) visit the clinic pretending they want to work there. While Patrick questions their tour guide about experimental procedures and private donors and coma patients, Sam hacks the clinic's computer system to get dirt on Nina. She gets caught, but Patrick is able to find something – or someone – intriguing. (Okay, we don't need to pretend: It's Robin.) After learning that Spencer's at Carly's house, Britt tells Nikolas she's going to talk to Carly in case she can find out more from the hotel. Nikolas tags along, so Britt sneaks off to talk to Spencer on her own. She arranges to meet him in the park in an hour so she can "find" him and be all heroic. Meanwhile, Josslyn and Emma get into a fight, and Elizabeth has to intervene. Unfortunately, Josslyn has just confided to Cameron that Spencer's been staying with her, and Cam rats her out to his mother. Franco continues to keep Spencer's location quiet, but tells Nina that he's scheming against his girlfriend's ex and that someone caught him. Nina is frustratingly smart and figures everything out. Silas and Kiki have exposition duty. Olivia totally has a crush on Ned. Kiki ships it.

Once again, the show ruins its own cliffhanger. What's the point of ending the episode with Patrick opening the door and not showing us who's inside if you're going to show Robin in the preview?

I bet Sam wouldn't have needed to show ID if she'd worn a shirt that exposed more cleavage. The one time she wears a hoodie!

Josslyn having a crush on Cameron is exactly what I wanted. I can't wait for Carly and Elizabeth to find out.

They should leave Britt in the park for the rest of the week, and just have a scene of her on Friday, standing there in the dark, trying to call Spencer for the thousandth time.

The show must have run short again. Why else would they give us those random Kiki/Olivia scenes?

August 5th, 2014

Surprise – Patrick found Robin! He yells at her for a while about not coming home, while Robin anxiously tells him to get Sam and leave the clinic. He wonders what she's trying to hide and busts into her lab. Sam manages to bluff her way out of trouble with the tour guide, William, but eventually gets found out as an intruder. Britt and Spencer's plan has completely backfired, ending with Spencer in a lot of trouble, Elizabeth being hailed a hero, and Britt just kind of there. Felix tries to make up with Lucas, asking who he was going to choose back before he thought Brad and Felix were together. Brad shows up and wants to know the same thing. Nina almost rats Franco out to Carly for keeping Spencer's location a secret. Then I think they were flirting, but it was hard to tell.

Patrick doesn't seem to have considered that Robin isn't allowed to leave, which is pretty likely. Also, why all the secrecy over what/who's in the lab? Unless it's not Jason...

You know what would be fun? If Victor saved Sam.

What, Britt and Spencer's plan failed? But it was foolproof!

I thought Lucas was going to suggest that he go out on dates with both Brad and Felix to decide who he wanted to be with. But that would be logical.

August 6th, 2014

Robin tells Patrick that Victor forced her to test her cure on Jason before it was ready, and he didn't survive. Patrick questions why she's still there, if her reason for coming is dead, and Robin tells him she feels obligated as a doctor to find a way to save people with incurable diseases. Patrick's like, "Would you like our divorce papers by U.S. mail or courier?" Sam tries to charm William into letting her look at Nina's records, then offers him money. William would rather have sex, so he's rewarded with a well-deserved kick in the crotch. Olivia brings the Quartermaines food, then kisses Ned to make Sonny jealous. I'm not sure Ned is sorry about that. Alexis asks Julian if he killed Mickey, having pieced together that Mickey was probably responsible for the explosion. Julian admits that he pulled the trigger, so Alexis wonders why Jordan took the rap. Shawn also has questions for Jordan, some about Mickey and some about her feelings for him. Their conversation ends with their clothes starting to come off. With Alice's options running out, Ned and Michael think they should tell her she's dying. Morgan's in denial about the possibility of losing her. Morgan doesn't want to talk to Sonny, so Sonny asks Michael to tell him that Ava's not living with him anymore.

Yeah, I bet they went to all this trouble of saying Jason was still alive, having Robin go off to save him, and mentioning him practically every day just to have him end up dead. Nice try, show.

And that's why you don't mess with Sam. My favorite part is how she didn't even run away. She knew if William got too close again, she'd just need to inflict more pain.

Olivia, I don't think you can call that violation if Ned liked it.

Let's hope no one walks in on Shawn and Jordan. Ha ha ha, like the gallery has any customers! I'm not even going to tell them to use protection like I do everyone else. They would have gorgeous babies.

August 7th, 2014

Patrick keeps his mouth shut about seeing Robin and what she told him, which is good because Victor has an eye on him. Oh, and Victor got Rafe to cause the accident by telling him there was a chance Alison was still alive. Also, Robin lied and Jason's still alive. Molly has a timely memory of Rafe telling her that someone made him cause the accident, but the chances of her and Silas figuring out who it was are slim to none. Alice decides to start saying goodbye to her loved ones, but she's interrupted by Mickey's sister, Selma, who announces that she's going to authorize the heart transplant. In truth, Selma is Renata, an actress Sonny hired to pretend to be Selma so Alice could get the transplant and Morgan would be happy. Alexis' deductive reasoning continues, and she figures out that Julian's still in the mob. He confirms it but thinks Alexis loves him enough to stay with him anyway. He's wrong. Sonny thinks Carly still loves him, so he kisses her. She insists that she's committed to Franco. Nina sees the whole thing, so that can't be good.

They wrapped up the mystery of who made Rafe cause the accident in about 60 seconds, and it all made sense. Bravo, show.

Sorry, Robin, but when Jason comes back, I don't think taking down the Cassadines is going to be his first priority.

For future reference, my love can also be bought with the purchase of human organs.

Isn't Ava holed up in her and Julian's place? Maybe Julian and Alexis should have gone into a bedroom.

August 8th, 2014

Nathan vows to take Nina's advice and fight for Maxie, not realizing that he's chosen her wedding day to get started. He admits to Mac that he has feelings for Maxie, and he passes the news along to Maxie. Meanwhile, Felicia, Maxie, and Levi discuss Felicia's Aztec jewelry, and how she traded a valuable necklace to that reporter at the Nurses' Ball and took his camera. She gives Maxie a ring, as per family tradition. Later the reporter goes to the police to report the robbery of his necklace. Sonny gives Morgan some vague details of why things happened the way they did with Ava. Morgan seems receptive, but there's a lot for him to get past. Carly wants to ease some of Morgan's angst by getting Ava to take a paternity test and clear up who the baby's father is. Ava refuses, probably just because she can, then taunts that Carly should keep an eye on Franco. Nina considers telling Franco that she saw Sonny and Carly kissing. Listen, Dante and Lulu, have a baby now or have a baby later; I don't care – just stop talking about it all the time.

Awww, Mac the matchmaker. He and Lulu should team up.

So you mean to tell me this whole Levi plot is because of JEWELRY? Are you FREAKING KIDDING ME?

What's the point of having a bodyguard if he's just going to let anyone in?

New rule: No new babies on the show until Lil' Georgie gets to come back.

Broke up: Alexis Davis and Julian Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Elizabeth: "You are so much like your mother." Josslyn: "Thank you"; Spencer: "Oh, NOW I know why they call them femmes fatales"; Nathan: "I don't think crashing a wedding's my style." Mac: "Boy, did you come to the wrong town"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Spencer calling Josslyn a "valuable ally" (so Cassadine)
Saddest moment: "I've got Ms. Lila to take care of"
Sweetest/cutest moment: Everyone being so happy about Alice getting a transplant
Least believable moment: Brad and Felix both waited weeks to go over and assure Lucas they weren't together, and they showed up at the same time
Best instances of continuity: Patrick talking about treating Michael; the events the night Morgan was born; Felicia using the camera she got from the reporter
Worst instance of continuity: Carly told Sonny she was going to tell Franco about Spencer being found, but she'd already told him
Hero of the week: Sonny
Most annoying character: Britt
Smartest character: Alexis
Dumbest character: Sam, because glasses do not a disguise make
Things we learned this week: Josslyn likes archery.

The week in a nutshell:

August 9th, 2014

Next week: The beginning of the end for Levi. (Yay!)

August 11th, 2014

Mac tries his best to play matchmaker for Maxie and Nathan, but Maxie insists that she loves Levi and wants to marry him. Meanwhile, Nathan figures out that Levi probably robbed the reporter, so he heads to the Haunted Star to question him. He finds the necklace in Levi's things and is about to arrest him when Levi pulls a gun on him. Robin thinks she's come up with something to help her patients, but she wants to test it on Stavros or Helena before giving it to Jason. She tells Victor that he's too far gone to help, and she doesn't want to waste a cure on him. Victor thinks she's manipulating him and injects Jason. Silas tells Sam what Molly remembered from the accident. Patrick asks her to help him find out who was being everything. Emma has trouble with Robin and Patrick's impending divorce.

A for effort, Mac. We're all on your side.

Levi, you idiot. There are two cops and an ex-cop on that boat. Also, Lulu will cut you.

So if Robin does revive Jason, what's Victor going to do? He'd better hope his guards are strong enough to keep Jason from killing everyone and escaping with Robin.

Now that they've put up those pictures of Jason on the mantel (and I swear, those weren't there before last week), they're sure getting a lot of use out of them. But I don't think we needed the pan to them after Patrick asked Sam to help him find out who was behind the accident. It...wasn't Jason, you guys.

I guess Patrick, Emma, and Sam weren't invited to the wedding? I shouldn't be surprised about Sam; the writers seem to have completely forgotten that she and Maxie were ever friends.

August 12th, 2014

Levi confirms to Nathan that he's after Maxie for the Aztec jewels, and marriage is his preferred method of obtaining them. Also, he's not Australian. Nathan makes a valiant effort at overpowering him, but ends up unconscious, gagged, and bound while Levi heads to his wedding. Fortunately, Dante's detective skills have chosen to emerge today, and he's suspicious of Levi's claim that Nathan found him and left, and of the spot of blood on Levi's collar. Lulu quizzes Maxie about her feelings for Nathan, leading Maxie to pull a Ross Geller and proclaim that she has no feelings for Levi, rather than Nathan. Even with a last-minute montage of memories about Nathan, Maxie resigns herself to marrying Levi. The drug kills Jason, but Robin's able to revive and stabilize him. Victor is then able to reveal the next phase of his plan: Robin will be taken to parts unknown, Victor himself will bring Helena and Stavros back, and Jason will become...a soldier for Victor? Jason Bourne? I don't know. Sam confides in Patrick that she feels like she never got closure over Jason, but she's given up on the possibility of him ever coming back. He comforts her, and I'm starting to think he doesn't see her as just a friend anymore.

Levi, you can't even pull off villainy well. A really villain would have talked for a long time about his motives and plans, then thrown Nathan overboard. Somewhere, Lisa Niles is shaking her head in shame. (Ha, "somewhere." We all know she's in Hell.)

I almost laughed at the ridiculousness of Jason being strong enough to grab Victor, but then I remembered that A.J. did it to Ava. Must be a Quartermaine thing.

The idea that they might pull what they did with Michelle Stafford and have a new actor (possibly Billy Miller) show up unexpectedly to play Jason is dashed every time they show those mantle pictures. They're not going to show us Steve Burton and then bring on someone else five minutes later.

Watch your back, Scribner. You're extremely expendable, and we all know the gun presented in the first act will go off in the third.

August 13th, 2014

Maxie hesitates to say "I do," but Levi reminds her that he'll be deported if she doesn't. Even though Maxie changes her mind, the delay gives Dante time to free Nathan and head back to the wedding with him. While Dante keeps an eye (and gun) on things from just outside the room, Nathan tries to arrest Levi. Levi holds Maxie at gunpoint and demands all of Felicia's jewelry. Dante joins the crowd to make it two against one, but Scribner (who I guess isn't an INS agent, since Levi's not Australian) evens the sides by pulling a gun on Lulu. Lucas and Carly, Felix and Franco, and Brad and Britt discuss the pros and cons of the three gay guys having a three-way. Carly, Franco, and Britt are all on board, and it looks like Lucas is considering it. Olivia admits to Sonny that she and Ned aren't really together, and that she didn't enjoy trying to make Sonny jealous as much as she expected. However, she's definitely through with him, and encourages him to find someone to move on with. Britt and Elizabeth each worry that the other will end up with Nikolas. Elizabeth might be about to tell Nikolas she wants back "on the ride," but Britt interrupts. If Carly and Sonny are going to get back together, can they just do it already so we don't have to suffer through all of this?

I was so proud of Dante until he revealed that he was there. You idiot! You could have taken Levi by surprise!

Also, how big is that boat? Why did it take Nathan and Dante so long to get back to the main room?

Look, despite being kind of a prude, I'm usually okay with all the sex talk on TV shows, but this three-way stuff is...too weird for me.

Carly, sweetie, you don't have to say "my guy on the side" like you're protecting his identity. Everyone and his dog knows it was Jason.

Who did Tyler Christopher's hair? That person should be arrested.

August 14th, 2014

Levi reveals that Scribner is his accomplice, and they take Felicia's jewelry and prepare to make their escape via speedboat. (They ignore Maxie when she points out that they won't get very far, seeing as they're on a lake.) They want to take Maxie and Lulu with them, even though everyone else promises to let them leave without being followed if they leave the women behind. There's a lot of threatening and a lot of edging toward the door, and then for some reason, Levi feels the need to shoot Mac just before the thieves make their escape. Olivia thinks Carly wants Sonny back, which, of course, Carly denies. The two get in a fight when Olivia says that Carly's relationship with Franco is dysfunctional and she only wanted to get close to him because she thought he was connected to Jason. Milo catches Sonny up on his post-mob life, which isn't going well – he had to move in with Max, he has to work two jobs, and he has a crush on a woman he can't have. Sonny encourages him to go after what he wants, then takes his own advice, delivering the pizza Milo was supposed to take to Carly. Franco saves Nina from an awkward conversation with her Obrecht, but she goes from the frying pan to the fire when their elevator stops. Lucas, Felix, and Brad agree to "hang out," each thinking that's a euphemism. Elizabeth and Britt both act like ten-year-olds, but Britt wins the battle when Obrecht summons Elizabeth back to the hospital. She also manages to get Nikolas to invite her to spend the night at Wyndemere, since Brad and his buddies have taken over their apartment.

I was mostly bored by Levi's villainy this week until he shot Mac. Now I want his head.

The Milo/Felix run-in might be more compelling if Milo hadn't specified that he has a crush on a woman, and if we didn't already know that he's straight. Also, didn't he used to have a crush on Sabrina? Maybe they can get together. Also also, why all the talk about his father? He hasn't been on in...I don't know how many years, but it was so long ago, freaking Claudia was still alive.

There's very little creepier than the way Obrecht says "family."

Wait, Madeline's real name is Magda, not Marta? So much for my Sound of Music joke.

August 15th, 2014

Sonny turns the charm up to 8,000 on Carly, inviting himself in for dinner and trying to convince her that they're good together. Felix thinks Milo's going to reveal feelings for him, but Milo actually has a crush on Epiphany. It turns out Epiphany feels the same about him, and they agree to a date. Lucas confesses to Brad that Brad was going to be his choice. Then they get started "hanging out” without Felix, but it's okay, because Felix has realized that he doesn't feel so strongly for Lucas that he would participate in a three-way to try to win him. Nina's upset about being stuck in the elevator because she'd planned to try to seduce Silas again. She and Franco discuss Ava and Sonny, and Nina comments that Sonny gets around, spilling that she saw him and Carly kissing. Nikolas seems to know exactly what Britt's up to, but apparently doesn't care, because there's kissing. Meanwhile, Epiphany urges Elizabeth to go after Nikolas, but Elizabeth isn't willing to make a desperate display.

Can you imagine if Carly and Sonny got back together, and then Ava's baby turned out to be Sonny's, and Carly had to help raise it? CAN YOU IMAGINE? I can, and let me tell you, it's really amusing.

Carly: "You are not a good investment." I'm stealing that line.

Awww, Felix. This episode made me like him even more.

Ugh, Lucas. I'm going to predict right now that sooner or later, you're going to regret this decision.

Did Britt really equate inbreeding with having a three-way? Shut up, Britt.

Injured: Mac Scorpio
Kidnapped: Lulu Falconeri, Maxie Jones, Robin Scorpio

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Felix, re: Obrecht: "She might just be fattening you up to steal one of your kidneys"
Funniest moments (unintentional): The way Dante told Levi he doesn't like him cracked me up; Nathan: "Catch" *tackle*
Saddest moment: Emma struggling to understand her parents' divorce
Sweetest/cutest moment: Milo in love is adorable
Least believable moment: Brothers do NOT ask their sisters for details about their "naughty dreams"
Best instance of continuity: Carly was fooling around with Jason while also sleeping with Tony
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Robin
Most annoying character: Britt
Smartest character: Dante
Dumbest character: I'll go with Levi
Things we learned this week: 1. Levi isn't Australian.
2. Maxie has a tell – lack of eye contact.
3. Franco has had a three-way. (I don't think we should be surprised.)
4. Sometimes Dante carries two guns. (I'm not sure why he felt the need to take them to a wedding, though.)
5. Milo has been delivering pizza.
6. He's also 30.

The week in a nutshell:

August 18th, 2014

Dante, Nathan, and Anna pretend to do useful things like talk to the Coast Guard and the guy Levi and Scribner hired to get them out of Port Charles. The Coast Guard finds their sinking boat, so everyone thinks the captives and their captors are dead. Meanwhile, the very-much-alive quartet hides out in a cabin. Carly spends 59 minutes rejecting Sonny, then changes her mind. Franco's furious that Sonny kissed Carly after swearing that he was keeping his distance from her. In the process of trying to calm Franco down, Nina stands up, so that secret's out. Also out: Franco and Nina, when the elevator miraculously fixes itself. Nikolas tells Britt that he still has feelings for her, but he doesn't want to sleep with her because he wants to see if he still has a chance with Elizabeth. Britt convinces him to have some no-strings-attached sex anyway. Fortunately, Elizabeth interrupts with a phone call telling Nikolas that his sister was kidnapped.

Hey, it's been a while since people hid out in a random, fully furnished cabin. That used to happen all the time.

Maxie and Lulu, maybe stop mouthing off to the guys with the guns?

This is exactly why Nina and Franco shouldn't be friends. They're both manipulative schemers. Separate, they're dangerous enough. Together, they could ruin lives.

Elizabeth, THANK YOU. That was the most important phone call you'll ever make.

August 19th, 2014

Carly and Sonny totally do it in her and Franco's bed, and though she regrets cheating, she's not exactly quick to kick him out. Then Franco comes home and Carly realizes that if they don't keep him in the dark, he'll tell the police that Sonny killed A.J. Franco asks Carly about the kiss Nina witnessed, and she tells him she rejected Sonny, but Franco has another question: Why are there two glasses of wine downstairs? It's Ava's birthday, so Kiki visits to catch her up on her life. She mentions that Nina claims to be okay with everything that happened 20+ years ago, but Ava knows better and warns Kiki to watch her back. Silas overhears Nina mentioning to Franco that she's keeping a secret, so she tells him she's been skipping physical therapy in favor of art therapy. She gets emotional about losing the baby, and Silas agrees that she can do both therapies. Really, though, Nina's just upset that Ava's pregnant again. Alice is going to be okay, so Tracy figures it's okay to bring up how Alice needs to keep her shut about Tracy and Fluke plotting to take over ELQ. Michael overhears, and Alice spills what Tracy and Fluke have been up to. Michael immediately fires Tracy. Morgan and Rosalie do some more flirting, and she turns on the mysteriousness by declining to talk about her family. Olivia and Ned decide to hang out as friends. I'm sure sooner or later, they'll be friends who kiss.

Let's mark our calendars for, say, Halloween and see if Carly's pregnant by then.

Kiki, Ava isn't worried about Nina replacing her with you. She's worried about Nina boiling your bunny.

Speaking of that mess, am I supposed to have sympathy for her? Because I have about as much sympathy for her as I do for Britt. Okay, maybe slightly more. The baby Nina lost wasn't one she stole from someone else.

Rosalie, you might have to take a rain check on that drink until Morgan turns 21.

August 20th, 2014

Carly tells Franco she was drinking with Bobbie, who lies to back up her daughter's story. While Franco searches the bedroom for signs of Sonny (who's already gone out the window), Carly freaks out. Sonny lures her outside and tells her he didn't want to get caught because he knows Franco would go straight to Michael. Bobbie convinces Franco that he's being paranoid, so Franco apologizes for thinking his girlfriend cheated when that's exactly what she did. Kiki enjoys some mother/daughter time with Ava, who then Skypes with Fluke, promising that she'll do anything to prove her loyalty. She balks when he orders her to kill Michael. Tracy also Skypes Fluke to tell him that Michael fired her, so Fluke should come home and work on plan B. Fluke resists, promising that he's working on winning over the other shareholders. Michael tells Ned what Tracy and Fluke pulled on him, leading Ned to kick his mother out of the mansion. Shawn and Jordan are secretly hooking up, not wanting T.J. to know because he'd probably turn on Shawn. They taunt each other about poor job choices, and Jordan claims that she won't work for the Jeromes forever, making Shawn believe that she thinks she'll run things someday. Jordan questions how many of Sonny's orders he has to follow.

I keep waiting for Bobbie to say, "I'm too old for this $#!%."

Ava, if you kill Michael, Kiki's feelings will be the least of your problems. Sonny, Carly, and Morgan would be numbers 1, 2, and 3.

Why is Tracy always so surprised when Ned does something she doesn't think a son would do to his mother? Because she's always been so maternal?

I'm guessing that Jordan can't use anything Shawn says in the bedroom against him in a federal case?

I'm going to start tracking the Daily Jason Mention (DJM). Today's came from Jordan, which means it's now so conspicuous that people who never even met him are talking about him.

August 21st, 2014

Jordan almost catches Julian talking to Fluke, because the guards outside the Jeromes' apartment are really bad at their job. Jordan then tells Julian that she's 99 percent sure their boss is Luke, since she recognized his voice and remembers a possible briefcase exchange between the two of them. Julian swears to her that they're not working for Luke, and refuses to tell her anything more about their boss' identity. Bobbie questions Carly's feelings for Franco and Sonny, but Carly isn't sure who she wants, or if she and Sonny will hook up again. Shawn tells Sonny that he's sleeping with Jordan and hopes it won't be a conflict of interest. Sonny really couldn't care less as long as Shawn is still willing to take out Franco, should the need arise. Sam and Silas look through Rafe's things and find the money Nina gave him the night of the accident. Sam pegs exactly where it came from, but, of course, Silas disagrees with her theory. Sabrina returns to town, and Patrick fills her in on everything she missed. Franco tells Nina that he believes what Carly told him about Sonny's kiss. Ned and Alexis do some exposition, and Alexis learns that Alice got her heart because Julian killed her donor.

Hey, they actually cleared up something Fluke-related – Julian knows he's not Luke.

I can't decide if Jordan was smart or dumb for telling Julian her suspicions about Luke. I'd like to go with smart, since most of Jordan's decisions are good.

Nina, you already won. You can stop being a jerk to Sam now.

Welcome back, Teresa Castillo! Here's 15 minutes' worth of exposition for you to participate in.

DJM: Carly

August 22nd, 2014

Sam and Silas find a contact named D and a call from a blocked number on Rafe's phone. Apparently these are both going to be too technologically complicated for Spinelli to shed any light on. After Sam leaves, Silas finds something else among Rafe's things: a business card from the Crichton Clark Clinic. Ava tells Julian that Fluke wants her to kill Michael, but she can't bring herself to do it. Julian warns that if she doesn't, Fluke will probably kill Kiki. Ava invites Kiki and Michael over for dinner, deciding she'd rather tick off Sonny more than put her daughter at risk. She also asks questions about Fluke and learns that he's not Luke, but Julian claims that even he doesn't know Fluke's true identity. Nina tells Rosalie how mad she is that Ava gets two kids while she has none. Rosalie points out that Nina doesn't even know if she can have a baby. Nina immediately makes her regret having that idea. She vows to get a baby for herself; Rosalie thinks she means by having sex with someone other than Franco, but Nina probably means via kidnapping. (Watch your back, Ava.) Patrick tells Sabrina the real reason Robin left, and admits that he wants to help Sam get closure by telling her, too. Sabrina points out that telling her Jason's dead again isn't going to do any good. Carly yells at Sonny about something or other, and they end up making out again. Meanwhile, Franco tells Michael, Morgan, and Kiki that Sonny hit on Carly, but he's sure she won't cheat on him. Michael and Morgan are like, "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You're adorable."

Do you think it means anything that they put Sam and Sabrina in the exact same color today?

Why does Silas still sleep on the couch? There are two free bedrooms!

Maybe Jordan would stop asking questions about their boss if Julian would tell her he doesn't know who he is.

Sonny, you're gonna wanna watch yourself. You're getting dangerously close to forcing yourself on Carly.

DJM: Patrick

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Bobbie: "This is punishment for my misspent youth"; Sonny: "Front-row seats to a train wreck doesn't sound right"
Funniest moment (unintentional): All of Bobbie's disappointed-mom expressions
Saddest moment: Mac and Felicia learning that Maxie might be dead
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: No one's talking about how Maxie and Lulu were kidnapped and might be dead
Best instances of continuity: Levi and Scribner hired the same boat captain Heather and Caleb hired back in February 2013; Ned and Alexis calling themselves gatekeepers
Worst instance of continuity: It hasn't been two weeks since Shawn and Jordan hooked up – more like two days
Hero of the week: Bobbie, if you want to think of her that way
Most annoying character: Nina

The week in a nutshell:

August 25th, 2014

Maxie and Lulu are resourceful enough to almost overpower their captors, but ultimately remain hostages. Scribner thinks they're going to be released before he and Levi leave town, but Levi has other plans. Thinking that Levi would want to fence the Aztec jewels before leaving town, Dante goes to Sonny to ask for names of possible contacts. Sonny reveals that Coleman has recently returned to a life of crime and might be of some help. Indeed, Coleman has arranged a sale with Levi and Scribner, and has been given the address of the cabin. Ava moves forward with her deadly dinner party, which is awkward even before she serves her poisoned dessert, considering Michael's visiting the place where A.J. was shot. Olivia and Ned have a successful first date, though it ends badly with the news that Lulu's been kidnapped. Britt and Elizabeth are both on hand to give Nikolas support. He appreciates Elizabeth's presence but lets her think that Britt was going to spend the previous night in a guest bedroom. Britt's more than happy to set the record straight. Julian has picked a really bad time to approach Sonny for a talk. Britt tries to convince Nathan that Maxie's kidnapping wasn't his fault.

If I had to be held captive with someone, it would be Lulu. There's a reason she nicknamed herself Screw-You Lulu.

Ava does realize that if Michael died after eating at her place, Sonny would immediately be suspicious of her, right?

Olivia, if you're trying to hook up with Ned, stop mentioning his ex-wife. And Ned, stop mentioning your other exes. Though if you're going to do that, you might as well tell Olivia about the time you were a bigamist.

When did Nikolas shave – before or after he found out his sister might be dead?

August 26th, 2014

Ava delays Michael's execution by giving Kiki a verse of "Everything I Do, I Do It for You," then grants him clemency when she learns about the way Fluke treated Kiki. She thinks Fluke wants her to kill Michael so he can have a direct path to his girlfriend. Julian tells her that if she doesn't kill Michael, she’ll need to do something else to please Fluke, like handing over the recording. Scribner's the only one left in the cabin, having been shot and left behind because he wouldn't go along with Levi's plans. Dante and Nathan search the place, looking for a clue Nathan thinks the captives might have left behind, or something that Levi might have overlooked. In a book about the Aztecs, they find an article about Frisco. Julian asks Sonny for a truce, seemingly planning to warn him that Michael's in danger. Sonny's not on board, though, so Julian says nothing. Sonny, Olivia, Carly, Franco, and Lucy bug Scott about the search for Maxie and Lulu, because they seem to think the police won't tell them if they're found. It's really just a way to get Scott and Franco in the same scene so Franco can mention how Scott and Bobbie were together the other night, and Scott can say they weren't. Ned tells Tracy that Lulu's missing and urges her to call Luke, who doesn't respond to her messages. Lucy spends an hour annoying Scott and the audience about whether he's going to choose her or Bobbie.

Awww, Michael looked so sad when he realized he wasn't getting dessert. Ava should have given him hers.

Dear baby Jesus, don't let Frisco come back. I'll be good, I promise.

If Julian had told Sonny that Ava was going to kill Michael, it would have been his smartest move ever. Imagine the favor Sonny would have owed him.

Lucy, SHUT UP. Scott's trying to find two missing women – both of whom happen to be the daughters of your friends. GO AWAY.

Tracy's staying at the Metro Court but went to the Floating Rib for a drink? Yeah, sure, okay.

August 27th, 2014

While Dante slowly falls apart over his wife's kidnapping, Nathan shows Felicia, Anna, and Mac the picture they found of Frisco. Anna can't get in touch with Frisco, and there's been a sudden organizational shift at the WSB, leaving her without clearances she once had. Mac thinks the timing isn't coincidental and that Frisco's somehow connected to Levi's crimes. Scribner, however, sheds a different light on the situation by revealing that Levi's real name is Peter Harrell – which was also the name of Felicia's ex-fiancé. Patrick and Sam drink and play pool. It's more interesting than it sounds. Silas asks Nina about the money Rafe had on him, and, of course, she denies giving it to him. Then she changes the subject to having a baby. Either she's really persuasive, he's really drunk, or a little of both, because their clothes are now off. Franco's back to being suspicious about Sonny and Carly. Sonny, this is not the time to mock Franco or hit on Carly.

I looked up Peter Harrell; he was involved in the original Aztec jewels plot in the mid-'80s. The plot involved more people than I thought – there are ties to Luke, Sean, Robert, and even the Asian Quarter, meaning Brad's family. I wonder if this could be connected to Fluke, too?

Did Anna say Robert's in Wisconsin? Is that some kind of weird inside joke?

Of course you got hustled, Patrick. After all, Sam used to have a pool table. Also, haaaaaaaaa: I was going to suggest jokingly that Sam make Patrick shave.

A big awwwwwwwww to Danny liking shows about Africa on the Nature Channel, since Jason used to read books about Africa.

August 28th, 2014

Maxie and Lulu try to annoy Levi into letting them go. He tells them he has a personal grudge against both of them, and trashes Felicia a little, but doesn't tell them his plans. The captives manage to get their hands on his phone and call Dante, who, along with Anna and Nathan, has formed the theory that Levi is Peter Harrell's son out for revenge on his father's behalf. Nina wants to hate Silas, but apparently he's so good in bed that he kind of changes her mind. Then she goes to the hospital to see Britt and find out if she's pregnant, like, it's only been ten minutes. Chill out. Sabrina wants answers about the accident, and seems to think she can get some from Carlos. Nikolas and Elizabeth have a poorly timed conversation about Britt and how he told her he still has feelings for Elizabeth. Britt interrupts Brad and Lucas' 48-hour sex/Knot's Landing marathon with the news that Lucas' cousins are missing.

I guess it hasn't occurred to anyone that Frisco could have been kidnapped, too? At least that's my theory.

If I only had an hour left to live, I'd spend it watching Nina scenes, because they are FREAKING ENDLESS.

Speaking of Nina, she and Britt should NOT hang out. EVER.

Okay, show. You can stop talking about Knot's Landing. We know the actress who plays Madeline also played Abby Ewing. We get the joke. Time to move on.

August 29th, 2014

Maxie and Lulu learn a little about Levi's history and use it to taunt him. The only thing that really accomplishes is that he reveals there's some sort of boss. Levi then complains about the two of them gushing over Nathan instead of packing up and running away before the police can arrive, so now he's stuck in a house surrounded by cops. Nina not only isn't pregnant, she's in early menopause, so there goes her have-Silas'-baby plan. To add insult to injury, she runs into Ava. Carlos thinks Ava put Rafe up to the accident and warns Sabrina not to dig any deeper. Fluke accepts Ava's suggestion that she get the recording instead of killing Michael. Too bad she still has no idea how to get Franco to help her. Nikolas is all, "Hey, Elizabeth, we're finally both single! Let's make out!" Elizabeth's all, "I can still smell Britt's perfume on you, pig. Leave me alone." Silas asks Franco to encourage Nina to go to physical therapy. Franco just laughs because he knows Nina doesn't need PT, and because Franco is horrible at hiding his emotions.

I can't believe Levi still thinks he can control two hostages on his own. Especially hostages who are Maxie and Lulu.

I told you Nina and Britt shouldn't interact. Now Nina's going to get ideas.

Woo-hoo, the Carlos drinking game is back! Also, he should totally rat Ava out.

I'm sorry, Nikolas, you think Elizabeth should hook up with you less than 48 hours after you almost hooked up with someone else? Get it together. Also, your sister's still missing. Maybe focus on that right now?

Arrested: Coleman Ratcliffe
Birthday: Georgie Spinelli
Hospitalized: Jeffrey Scribner

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Olivia: "What did you do for fun when you were young?" Ned: "My Aunt Monica"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Ava not appreciating Julian's quips; the kid playing Rocco falling asleep during a scene
Saddest moment: Dante being worried about Lulu
Sweetest/cutest moment: Danny likes the Nature Channel
Least believable moment: Not one person mentioned Jason this week
Best instance of continuity: Lulu has killed someone before
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Maxie and Lulu. I keep waiting for them to walk into the PCPD, all, "Why did you think we needed rescuing? We rescued ourselves!"
Most annoying character: Lucy
Smartest character: Elizabeth, for using her brain and not just her heart
Dumbest character: Levi, for leaving his phone with Maxie and Lulu, and for not immediately fleeing even though he knew the police had traced their call
Things we learned this week: 1. Levi's real name is Peter Harrell.
2. Maxie and Georgie once went to soccer camp.

The week in a nutshell:

August 30th, 2014

Next week: "A mystery man is unveiled." Do we dare to dream?

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