General Hospital blog - December, 2004
December 1st, 2004
How is Connor walking around a church full of cops and no one’s seeing him? That’s ridiculous. And he’s going to ruin Princess Emily’s Perfect Fairy Tale Wedding (aka PEPFTW)! What a bummer!
Lucky is so still in love with Elizabeth. It’s so adorable. They need to get back together. And then they can get married and Lucky can adopt Cameron and they can all live happily ever after. Because they definitely both deserve it.
Why in the world would Lois invite Alcazar to PEPFTW? First of all, Emily is Jason’s sister. Second of all, Alcazar is part of the reason Nikolas thought he was Connor for so long. Why would he even agree to go? Why is it that when someone gets married on this show, ten people who don’t even know the bride and groom show up?
Yay for Matt Crane for getting another couple of paychecks and being able to spend some time with his wife.
Lulu! Isn’t ten a little old to be a flower girl? Not that anyone will ever confirm that she’s ten.
December 2nd, 2004
Okay, I’ll admit it - PEPFTW wasn’t as horrible as I thought it would be. Maybe because it was kind of funny. The wedding was predictably weepy, but the reception was great. Lucky gave the world’s best toast. I figured Elizabeth would catch the bouquet (and I knew Emily was aiming for her - my sister-in-law did the same thing to me), and I thought either Lucky or Jason would catch the garter. Poor Lucky. Even Nikolas and Emily seem to want to see him and Elizabeth together again.
Other things I found hilarious today:
Way to make sure no one else falls off the parapet by putting up a chain, Nikolas. Actually, Skye could survive that fall...if Helena shows up with that Romeo and Juliet drug.
Creepy little girl. Creeeeeeeepy.
Brave to Monica for mentioning Paige. Yesterday I was upset that Emily hadn’t mentioned her.
I hate Sam for making Jason smile. And for making him laugh. And for dancing with him. And for kissing him. Grrrr.
Jax is going to rebuild the hotel! No way should he name it after Courtney, though. Not that I have anything against her; I just think it should still be called the Port Charles Hotel.
December 3rd, 2004
Next week on GH...
Monday: Sonny refuses to cut ties with Kristina. (Raise your hand if you’re surprised.)
STOP CRYING, EMILY! Enough already!
Way to go, Sonny and Jason, for setting up a sting operation on Durant. Not that I want Sonny to get custody of Kristina. I’m just saying.
Yeah, I figured Skye wasn’t going to die.
Heather = extremely crazy. Good riddance.
December 6th, 2004
Hey, Durant, when did you find your morals?
How did Dillon jump to the conclusion that the guy with the sunburst thingy on his faxes (aka Alcazar) killed Diego’s father? I don’t quite follow that logic. And now Diego’s going to go all Inigo Montoya on Sonny, which can only end badly. Of course, for me, that means it will end well.
Go, Alexis! Way to call Sonny’s bluff. Mr. Entitlement is going to be pretty mad, but he deserved what he got.
December 7th, 2004
I’m very confused as to why Sonny thinks he can get full custody of Kristina. YOU JUST GOT ARRESTED IN THE MIDDLE OF A COURTROOM, NIMROD. Also, Ric is right - no jury in the world would take a child away from her biological mother if there were no abuse or neglect involved. Sonny’s an idiot. Shut up, Sonny.
Who’s letting Sam hang out with Kristina? That’s just weird. They don’t think she might kidnap her? That’s what I’d be worried about.
I thought Nikolas was just acting to try to get more time out of his cell when he asked for a pen for the annulment papers. Not that it wouldn’t be a good idea for him to divorce Emily.
Ha ha, Durant, you lose!
Yeah, I bet Jax believes in feng shui. If he does (which he totally doesn’t), it’s only because of Famous Original Kristina.
December 8th, 2004
Yeah, I bet Laura’s dead. Just like I bet Helena’s dead and Nikolas is going to be killed by lethal injection.
Don’t quit your day job, Skye.
JANE! Oh, I’m so happy. She needs to move to Port Charles.
Sam gets props for admitting that it’s not in her nature to help people and for holding Diego at gunpoint. Minus points for taking off her sweater, though.
December 9th, 2004
Hee hee hee. Okay, I know I shouldn’t be laughing over Nikolas getting shot. But come on! I can’t believe what an idiot he was. I can’t stop laughing about his stupidity. But now it’s going to be all about Emily, again. So maybe it’s not so funny after all.
There’s no way Luke would believe that Laura died in a fire. Not after the whole year-long Lucky fiasco. He would get 12 more DNA tests done by DNA experts before he would believe it. (And he would still be wrong, because even before they showed her, it was obvious that she’s still alive.)
Don’t feel bad, Courtney. Jane didn’t like Chloe, either.
Who called Kelly’s looking for Emily? That’s ridiculous.
No, Jason, let Sam move out! In fact, let her disappear altogether!
December 10th, 2004
Next week on GH...
Monday: Ric convinces Alexis not to run away with Kristina. (Good for him!)
Because Sonny can’t go five minutes without a new love interest, Kari Wuhrer is joining GH on February 3rd as Reece, an FBI agent/Sonny’s future baby mama. Not that I want to invoke the name of Lisa Vultaggio, who I’m still insanely jealous of, but the writers seem to have completely forgotten Hannah, an FBI agent/former love interest of Sonny’s. Which means that they’re on my side about something.
Oh, no. Is Nikolas going to die? I’m so worried. (You can’t see me, but I’m rolling my eyes.)
Dear Alexis, use the stairs.
I don’t think Steven’s caught on yet that soap characters are never honest.
Ewwwwww, Coleman. Sam can do a lot better than him.
December 13th, 2004
Shut up, Sonny. The only way you’re going to get full custody of Kristina is if you pay off the judge. And don’t get any ideas!
Yeah, Emily, I’m sure Nikolas regained consciousness because your love is “miraculous” and not because, you know, the anesthesia wore off.
There’s no way no one would have called Lucky and told him that Nikolas had been shot. If Elizabeth hadn’t (and where did she disappear to?), then Mac would have. Dear Greg Vaughan, please order the writers to respect you and your character more.
Sam is not worthy to stand on Robin and Stone’s bridge! Um...if that was their bridge. I haven’t seen it for awhile and I can’t really remember what it looks like.
Someone get Steven a hairbrush!
December 14th, 2004
Way to launch a preemptive strike, Alexis and Ric!
Eww, is Diego’s sister really his mommy? Because if she was old enough to be Alcazar’s girlfriend when her mother was supposedly pregnant with Diego, she’s old enough to be Diego’s mother. And now Courtney can be rid of Diego! And the Alcazar/Sanchez family can go on Jerry Springer!
Speaking of Diego, he’s starting to remind me of Jess from Gilmore Girls. And that’s really not a good thing.
They should take advantage of Connor’s sudden Nikolas transformation to send him to prison in Nikolas’ place.
Shut up, Emily.
December 15th, 2004
Sonny must have found some Christmas spirit, because he was very generous today. I think it was very sweet of him to let Kristina stay with Alexis and just accept unlimited visitation. (Though, as Alexis pointed out, this means that he can pretty much see her whenever he wants.) Okay, so, let’s get Kristina home already. Also, let’s get Alexis and Ric living together and being a real married couple!
Diego’s not so dumb after all! But I’m still sure that Maria’s his mother.
Who would’ve thought that of all of the people to listen to my suggestion about Connor from yesterday, it would be Connor himself?
Courtney needs to say to Jax, “If you can still make business deals with Skye, I can go to Jason for help.” And I can’t believe she actually admitted that she was a hypocrite for asking him to help her. Jason deserves so much better than people always dumping on him and walking all over him.
December 16th, 2004
Wait, I was kidding about Bobbie being involved in Laura’s kidnapping!
Speaking of Laura, what was up with the dove? I suddenly have a craving for cheese....
Also speaking of Laura, I totally knew that Little Miss Princess Know-it-All was going to tell Nikolas (well, “Nikolas”) that Laura was dead, even though she told Luke she wouldn’t. Because apparently promises mean absolutely nothing to Princess Emily Entitlement. Also, why in the world did they end the show with Emily telling Connor that Laura was dead when we know that he’s never met Laura. SO STUPID. I guess on days when Sonny can’t have the last scene, they give it to Emily.
Did Lucky take Nikolas to Mary’s house? That’s messed up.
Were Courtney, Carly, and Steven drunk today? They were a little wacky. Funny, though.
Ooh, a blizzard! They used to do blizzards almost every year, then just randomly stopped. Okay, place your bets now on who’s going to get trapped together. I’m thinking these are a good bet:
December 17th, 2004
Next week on GH...
Monday: Jason and Courtney discover they still have feelings for one other. (If this means they’re going to get back together, I’m all for it. If not, STOP IT ALREADY.)
My mother has an awesome prediction: that Skye will wake up from her car accident with amnesia. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if she turned out to be right.
I love Alexis and Ric together. They complement each other so perfectly. Plus, they’re hilarious, so there’s that.
It’s too bad Lucky thinks his mom is dead. Otherwise he and Elizabeth could have a really good time being trapped together at Kelly’s.
Best random moment of the episode: Jason holding on strands of Christmas lights, all, “Heeeeeeelp,” and Sonny completely ignoring him.
Looks like I’m 1 for 5 in my predictions from yesterday. But they seem to be setting the groundwork:
December 18th, 2004
When I was in high school, every Christmas the seniors would create Senior Stockings, which were basically a list of things they would give their friends if they could. So here’s my stocking for the GH characters:
Alan - a Tracy-free holiday
December 20th, 2004
I officially have a crush on Shaun Benson. He’s so adorable. Those reindeer antlers will forever be engraved in my brain. And I think he was wearing boxers under that robe (I’m pretty sure I saw them), but I can pretend he wasn’t. I even kind of like him and Carly together. Maybe she’ll finally be with someone she doesn’t fight with all the time. Also, Steven’s Galapagos Islands story was the equivalent of Joey’s backpacking in Europe story on Friends.
I can’t decide who I want together: Jax and Courtney? Jax and Sam? Jason and Courtney? Jason and Sam? I have arguments for each couple. So complicated! Can’t make up my mind!
Wow, Bobbie went a little psychotic.
Why were Dillon and Georgie out in the blizzard? That was random.
How could Jordan not get a cell phone signal in Sonny’s penthouse when I can get one in my basement? And everyone else on the show can get one anywhere else on the planet? That was dumb. Also, Jordan, there’s no way you’re getting together with Sonny. At most, you’ll sleep with him once and have his fourth kid. But since they’re bringing on a new character specifically for him, I’d say your days are numbered on this show.
December 21st, 2004
I can’t decide which is worse - the workmanship on Carly’s house or the CGI effects depicting the roof caving in. It’s a toss-up.
Note to the writers: Alexis may be crazy, but not that crazy. Also, Ric is supposed to be the calm one.
Why do we always have to watch when Emily and Nikolas have sex? WE GET IT. THEY’RE MARRIED. MARRIED PEOPLE HAVE SEX. LET’S MOVE ON.
I didn’t see the last five minutes (except for the cave-in), but I’ll be anything that Nikolas is right-handed and Connor is left-handed.
December 22nd, 2004
Carly’s fireplace is still intact. Santa will be happy.
Sonny gave Jordan a dollhouse? Does that seem weird to anyone else?
Alcazar: “I wasn’t going to leave a pregnant woman collapsed in the snow.”
Inside joke alert! Steven’s line about being McGyver was probably a reference to the fact that Richard Dean Anderson (aka McGyver) played Jeff Webber, Steven’s father. Hee!
December 23rd, 2004
Ric and Alexis are the best Christmas present ever. “They can separate your corpse from the tree and I’ll make sure Kristina gets it.” “Ric with a C.” “He’s probably teaching her how to gamble or launder play money.” They’re so perfect for each other.
Why would Skye think that Luke would believe she knew about Laura the whole time? That was bizarre.
Shut up, Christmas miracles.
Carly gets the award for the episode’s dumbest line for asking the paramedics how they knew where she was. Hey, Carly, remember when Durant left and said, “I’m going to find an ambulance”? Uh...well, he did.
December 24th, 2004
Next week on GH...
Monday: Steven and Carly’s closeness annoys Sonny. (Of course it does. Annoy on, Steven!)
So many questions: has Ned completely cut himself out of Kristina’s life? Shouldn’t he have gone to her christening? Why the heck is Carly Kristina’s godmother? Sam bought a christening gown that happened to fit Kristina? And...Kristina Adela Corinthos Davis? That’s a mouthful. She looked adorable, though. (As always.)
No! Durant can’t be Santa! Tony’s always Santa! Except for that year or two when Edward was Santa! Poor Brad Maule.
Justus! Ned! Alice! Audrey! CAMERON! LUCAS! Merry Christmas, indeed.
December 27th, 2004
Oh, Steven. I have to serenade you with a love song:
By piecing together things that I’ve read, I’ve scientifically determined that Helena will go to the masquerade ball on Friday and be discovered. Nikolas will be out of prison by next Friday.
Uh, Sam? You can’t just take the baby because Bridget asked you to. That’s not exactly...legal.
Dear guy who works for Alcazar - a blond chick just beat you up. And she’s not Buffy. You might not want to tell anyone about that.
December 28th, 2004
How nice of Carly to basically scam a woman out of her apartment. I hope she’s happy there. Get out while you can, Steven!
Sam, name the baby already so you can stop calling her “Bridget’s baby.”
I’m not exactly sure why Emily thinks that Connor is going to help her. I think she should fake her death to draw Helena out. Though that would just be a tease, and I would be upset that it wasn’t real.
Sonny gets the best line of the day:
December 29th, 2004
I still don’t get Emily’s plan. Seriously, just fake her death. It makes a lot more sense. And it’d be more fun! Also, they have about two days to work everything out. Um...good luck?
Elizabeth and Lucky better get back together after all of this trouble.
Hey, Carly finally realized that Sonny thinks the world revolves around him! Took her long enough.
More Ric and Alexis, please! Everyone else is boring.
Okay, I’ll bite. Who’s Rachel?
December 30th, 2004
I really couldn’t care less about who Diego’s parents are. (Though I totally called it that Maria’s his mother, not his sister.) I also don’t care if he’s dating Brook, or if Lois is dating Alcazar, or if Diego’s going to go after Alcazar because he thinks he beat up Maria. There are so many more interesting things going on.
Like the whole Helena thing. I hope she shows up tomorrow!
Dear Dillon, you rock. Keep up the good work.
Oh, and I don’t care about Sam, either. But that’s nothing new.
December 31st, 2004
Next week on GH...
Monday: Courtney relays a warning to Sam and Jason. (Um...okay.)
All right, people, where’s Helena?
Those costumes…those were…I don’t have words. It was like a futuristic Rocky Horror goth drag show. I can’t imagine what was going through the designers’ heads when they put those together. Emily looked like an anime Queen Amidala on acid.
With his hair that dark, Luke looked frighteningly like Stefan.
Michael is the most annoying moppet who ever moppeted.
Raise your hand if you care that Diego is Alcazar’s son. Yeah, I didn’t think so.
• Luke bringing Heather to Emily and Nikolas’ reception and telling her it was for her.
• Luke ditching Heather at the same reception and telling Mac, “She’s all yours.”
• Drunk!Sam. (I think I could handle her a lot better if she were always drunk.)
• Nikolas and Emily laughing about the bouquet/garter catching and admitting that they were aiming for Lucky and Elizabeth.
• Jax and Courtney laughing about naming the new hotel after her, and his line, “It’s like Courtney, only shorter.”
• Tracy and Dillon dancing, and Jax and Courtney laughing at them.
• Emily laughing after actually checking to make sure no one was going to announce that she and Nikolas couldn’t get married.
• Emily and Nikolas leaving the reception followed by cops.
Tuesday: Carly can’t forgive Durant. (If Carly’s good at anything, it’s holding a grudge.)
Wednesday: Luke and Skye make a horrifying discovery. (I’m sure it has to do with Laura.)
Thursday: Nikolas learns his fate. (I’m doubting it’s lethal injection.)
Friday: Alexis is forced to take matters into her own hands. (Two words: incriminating file.)
Tuesday: Emily refuses to give up on Nikolas. (Um...good for her?)
Wednesday: Kristina’s custody is decided. (I’ll bet anything it’s joint custody.)
Thursday: Bobbi [sic; idiots] is keeping a life-altering secret from Luke. (Ooh, did she kidnap Laura?)
Friday: Skye makes an amazing discovery. (Probably that Laura’s alive. Yawn.)
• Jason and Sam
• Jax and Courtney
• Steven and Carly (and possibly Michael)
• Sonny, Alexis, Ric, and Kristina
• Bobbie, Skye, and Laura
Tuesday: Lucky and Connor’s ruse is uncovered. (Not much they can do about it during the blizzard.)
Wednesday: Steven and Durant work to save Carly’s life. (All right, then.)
Thursday: Luke returns for Skye. (Returns? What? Huh?)
Friday: Jax and Sonny come to Alexis and Ric’s rescue. (First of all, I wonder where Alexis and Ric are and why they need rescuing. Second of all, Jax and Sonny are going to work together? And third of all, who’s watching the kids?)
• Sonny, Michael, Kristina, Morgan, Jordan, and Max (at Sonny’s penthouse)
• Carly and Steven, who are soon to be joined by Durant (at her house)
• Jax, Sam, Lucky, and Elizabeth (at Kelly’s)
• Courtney and Jason (at her place; I guess he’s there to get the creche)
• Emily and Nikolas (at Mary’s house, I think)
• Luke, Bobbie, and Connor (at the hospital)
• Skye (in her car)
Alcazar - scissors, so his hair will always stay the length it is now
Alexis - a life-long marriage to Ric
Bobbie - common sense
Brook - good taste and Lucas
Carly - the inability to destroy Steven
Courtney - the ability to make up her mind
Diego - acting lessons (sorry, it had to be said)
Dillon - another wacky storyline
Durant - a one-way ticket back to New York
Edward - the ability to block his marriage to Heather from his memory
Elizabeth - a storyline, a boyfriend, and some time with her son
Emily - coal, and a ladder, so she can get over herself
Faith - a one-way ticket back to Port Charles
Felicia - Mac, because why not?
Georgie - a secret passage in her house so she can sneak out and see Dillon
Jason - a worthy girlfriend, and the assurance that he never has to deal with Sam again
Jax - Brenda, because we all know that’s who would truly make him happy
Justus - a storyline and more funny dialogue
Kristina - anything she wants, since she just got out of the hospital and her family’s crazy
Lois - her old fingernails
Lucas - a map to get back to the set
Lucky - a storyline, a girlfriend, and a haircut
Luke - cheerfulness
Mac - the ability to go five minutes without having to be mean to someone
Max - more than five lines
Michael - a muzzle
Mike - respect, storyline, and maybe a love interest
Monica - a reprieve from the other Qs
Morgan - emancipation from his parents
Ned - a kid who a) likes him and b) is actually his
Nikolas - the return of Helena, so he can stay out of prison (we could all enjoy that present)
Ric - the patience to always be able to deal with Alexis
Sam - Vodka
Skye - it looks like she’s going to need some aspirin
Sonny - a box of condoms
Steven - invulnerability
Tracy - Prozac
Me: “‘That’s something my brother would do.’”
Tuesday: Jason wants Sam to move back in. (Blerrrrrrrgh.)
Wednesday: Emily and Lucky turn to Connor for help. (Because that worked so well the last time.)
Thursday: Courtney’s lies come back to haunt her. (Um...okay.)
Friday: Luke unmasks the mystery woman. (Is it Helena? Please, please tell me it’s Helena.)
“I love you, Steven
Oh, yes, I do
I love you, Steven
And I’ll be true
You snarked at Sonny
Woo hoo!
Oh, Steven, I love you.”
Sonny: “Alexis taught me a very important lesson.”
Jordan: “What’s that?”
Sonny: “Never assume your attorney is on the pill.”
Tuesday: Sonny and Alexis can’t see eye to eye. (Alert the media!)
Wednesday: Luke takes one step closer to his goal. (...Of finding Helena???)
Thursday: Jason and Sam share a kiss. (Color me apathetic.)
Friday: Sam’s worst fears become a reality. (Welcome back, Bridget?)