General Hospital blog - December, 2012

December 1st, 2012

Next week: Let the A.J./Tracy games begin.

December 3rd, 2012

Robert (who used Nikolas to lure Helena to Spoon Island) accuses Helena of helping Faison fake his death, then asks her to help track him down. In exchange, Helena only asks for an explanation. Robert tells her the whole story and she tells him he's nuts. But that's just because she already knows that "Duke" is Faison, and she calls to warn him that Robert's on to him. Meanwhile, Faison wants to take Anna skiing so they can renew their relationship, but she, uh, has to work. Yeah, that's the only reason she can't go. A CIA agent informs Blair and Tea that the agency recalled Tomas to active duty for a case and he won't be attending his own wedding. Carly and Skye question him about Alcazar, but the agent claims not to have ever heard of the family. Blair thinks Todd did something to Tomas, but he assures her (and later Carly) that he didn't. Skye, Blair, and Tea decide to go looking for Tomas/Alcazar together. Maxie tells Spinelli and Ellie about the surrogacy, and while Ellie thinks it's awesome, Spinelli thinks it's a mistake. Lulu wants to move Maxie into the apartment, but Dante puts his foot down, plus tells her they're still drawing up a contract.

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease, can't Helena stay? I'll clean my room and eat all my vegetables and never ask to stay up past my bedtime.

Ten cool points to the writers for naming the CIA agent Theodore King – the actor who played Alcazar/Tomas is Ted King. Hee hee hee.

Are we supposed to feel like Maxie having a baby means she and Spinelli can't get back together? There's no connection there.

Will someone, anyone, please make Lulu and Dante less boring?

December 4th, 2012

Robert asks Dante to question "Duke" about past criminal activities in Port Charles and slip in a reference to Faison. Dante thinks it's a bad idea but agrees to help look for evidence that Faison had plastic surgery. He only asks that Robert wait until he gets back from a doctor's appointment. Robert is bad at waiting, so he breaks into Faison's apartment. Dr. Obrecht is there and manages to hide, then calls Faison to tell him about the break-in. Faison's with Anna, so he takes her with him to the apartment and they catch Robert in the act. He decides to play his trump card early and announces that "Duke" is really Faison. Tracy tries to suck up to Sam, but A.J. ruins her plans by telling her about the 18 percent swing vote. Sam has no desire to help Tracy, and A.J. encourages this, effortlessly drawing her closer to his side. Tracy's on to him, though. Felicia urges Maxie to think more about the surrogacy decision since it'll be hard for her to walk away from a child. Maxie points out that Felicia was able to do it. As nervous as everyone is, the process begins. A nurse named Felix helps Sabrina get ready for her "date" with Patrick, but it doesn't go over well. Speaking of things that don't go over well, Sabrina thinks they should approach the 1 Percenters about underwriting the Nurses' Ball, especially Sonny. Anna hires McBain and assigns him to find out who shot Jason.

Dang, Scorpio, slow your roll. Also, this would be a good time to become friends with McBain.

A.J. is playing this perfectly. I'm impressed. That said, Sam, don't fall for his charms!

They might as well just give Felix a shirt that says "I'M GAY." Oh, and the lipstick he used on Sabrina? Not Coco, Cocoa, or Koko – CoeCoe. Keep that in mind.

Hey, Sabrina, next you should ask Patrick how he feels about Jason!

December 5th, 2012

Robert presents the little evidence he has that "Duke" is Faison, but Anna thinks he's gone around the bend because of his grief over Robin. She has him arrested for breaking and entering, though he may have planted some seeds of doubt. Diane may be able to get the attempted-murder charges against A.J. dropped, but to be cleared of kidnapping, A.J. will need to turn in a worse criminal. It's convenient, then, that A.J. spent some time at the same Swiss clinic Robin and Duke currently reside in, and saw Faison alive and well long after he was supposed to be dead. Oh, and he took a photo of Faison with his phone, which he happened to have kept all these years. Molly accidentally saved over her book, and T.J. lost his copy, so the two of them try to retrieve the manuscript she gave Todd. Connie's already made off with it and is editing it herself. Starr figures this out and goes to confront her but instead winds up yelling at Johnny for all his stupid decisions. He admits that he only married Connie because she's blackmailing him. Sonny tries to get under Connie's skin through sex talk. Starr thinks Todd did something to Tomas, and Carly seems to be vacillating between thinking the same and believing that Todd's being honest about not being involved. Carly and Todd start talking about their feelings, but it gets too real for Carly. Carly thinks she's going to lose Michael to A.J., and Sonny tells her he may have made the situation worse with the kidnapping thing.

I guess there's only one clinic in the entire country of Switzerland, and they treat both psychiatric issues and orthopedic injuries. OF COURSE.

Which writer decided to have A.J. be the possible key to breaking the Faison case, and what was that person high on at the time?

Molly, calm down and take your computer to Spinelli.

Considering how horny Connie is, Sonny may be on to something here.

December 6th, 2012

Robert tries to get Dante and McBain to let him go so he can save Anna from Faison. Dante's too ethical to give in, and McBain kind of thinks he's nuts. Faison considers getting rid of Robert, then decides it would be better if he showed Anna that Faison and Duke are two different people. This requires Dr. Obrecht's help and a trip to Switzerland. Anna totally believes "Duke" is Duke, but she'll ask Olivia about Elizabeth's sketch just to be on the safe side. Starr guesses that Johnny's big secret is that he killed Anthony, but Johnny won't even 'fess up to that. Todd learns that they talked and he and Johnny recommit to their pact of silence. Molly doesn't get her manuscript back, but she does get herself and T.J. hired as interns at Crimson. Todd tries to hire Spinelli to find the manuscript, but Spinelli won't work for a baby snatcher. Meanwhile, Connie plans to publish the book under her own name. Olivia has the dog vision again (this time with a real dog), and Lulu isn't happy about it. Maxie tells Ellie that she and Spinelli are soulmates, so Ellie shouldn't get too comfortable as his girlfriend.

I kind of wish McBain would note that if Robert were such a good spy, he wouldn't have gotten caught.

Johnny missed his chance to tell Starr, "Yes, I did kill my grandfather, and now you know all my secrets."

Don't Molly and T.J. go to school? How can they start an internship at 9 in the morning?

Props to Julie Marie Berman for holding a dog in a baby carrier on her chest.

December 7th, 2012

The DA reluctantly accepts A.J. and Diane's deal for immunity in exchange for the whereabouts of Faison. Robert finds an ally in Tracy, but it turns out he doesn't need her, since Dante and McBain now believe his story. McBain tries to call Anna to warn her that she's in danger, but she doesn't get the message before Faison reveals himself to her. Michael and Starr are about to finally consummate their relationship when they're interrupted by Carly. She wants to apologize to Michael for calling the police on A.J., having been encouraged to do so by Todd, of all people. Things get heated when Michael tells her that all of A.J.'s charges might be dropped, and if so, they'll be working together at ELQ. Carly points out that Michael's ELQ shares are all in a trust until he turns 25, which means she really controls them. Britt tries but sort of fails to keep Patrick from a meeting Sabrina's set up with Todd about underwriting the ball. Todd isn't interested in helping people, even after Sabrina gives an impassioned plea and tells him what a horrible person. On the plus side, Patrick's more convinced than ever of Sabrina's greatness. She's still on the hunt for help and thinks she might get some from Lucy.

Hey, Mark Damon Espinosa came back! And now that I've actually seen some of his Beverly Hills, 90210 episodes, I can appreciate him even more.

I'm not sure how this fits into Faison's plans to show Anna that he and Duke are two separate people. Then again, he's insane, so it makes sense that it...doesn't make sense.

Sabrina, you are awesome. And I agree with Patrick – Robin would think so, too.

One week till Lucy! Get excited!

Acquitted: A.J. Quartermaine
Arrested: Robert Scorpio
Hired: John McBain

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Giggly Helena; Felix calling Britt "Dr. West Nile"; "There's nothing remotely funny about Faison – not even his hair"; "There is no crying in journalism." "Oh, Okay. I didn't know that"
Funniest moment (unintentional): CIA Agent Theodore King
Saddest moment: Can't think of any
Sweetest/cutest moment: McBain giving Danny a little wave
Least believable moment: The whole part about A.J. being in the Swiss clinic when Faison was there
Most annoying character: Britt, of course
Smartest character: Diane, who really is a good lawyer, even when she works for the side of evil
Dumbest character: Molly, who didn't back her novel up on, like, five different flash drives, and who didn't think to go to Spinelli to get it restored
Things we learned this week: 1. Helena is familiar with American reality shows.
2. Delores moved to New York. (Boo!)
3. Switzerland is a happening place.
4. Michael's shares don't actually mean anything (at least not yet).

December 8th, 2012

Next week: Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous Ms. Lucy Coe.

December 10th, 2012

Faison brings Duke in to show Anna that they're two separate people, then drugs Anna so she loses consciousness. When she wakes up, she thinks Faison is gone and she's with the real Duke, but she's wrong. McBain, Dante, and Robert take forever to figure out that Faison must have taken Anna to Switzerland. Alexis has gotten Robert freed, so he can head there with McBain, who he entices with the glamour of being a spy for a day. A.J. drops by Sonny's gym to try to get him to agree that they can both be in Michael's life (and also rub his freedom in Sonny's face, probably). Sonny's not good with words, so he and A.J. wind up sparring with Shawn as a ref. And by "sparring," I mean that A.J. calls Sonny trash, so Sonny beats the crap out of him. Starr tries to counsel Michael on dealing with a difficult father, as if he hasn't spent his whole life doing that. They wind up at the gym just after the previously mentioned beating, and Michael's ticked at Sonny. Elizabeth gives Sabrina a crash course in Lucy 101 and confirms that she would probably want to help with the Nurses' Ball. Felix reveals that he sells CoeCoe products on the side, but he'll only get Sabrina in touch with Lucy if she does something for him, because I guess helping people and attending an awesome party aren't enough for him.

The hotel or chalet or wherever Anna and Faison are staying must be the Swiss version of the buildings that house Sam and Johnny's penthouses. In none of those buildings is anyone alarmed by screams or gunshots.

If Michael gets this upset about Sonny hitting someone, how does he react when Sonny kills someone?

What's Elizabeth's problem with Lucy? Shut up, Elizabeth. You're pretty judgmental of Lucy for having an affair with a married man, considering all the crap you've done.

You shut up, too, new guy. You're a jerk.

"You're young enough to be partnered with my daughter." Har har. Why did they bring Val Chmerkovskiy on and not a) have him dance or b) give him a scene with Kelly Monaco? They also should have taken advantage of the fact that he's Russian and made him a Cassadine. Also, I feel bad that Chad Duell had to go shirtless after Val.

December 11th, 2012

Robert and McBain play good cop/bad cop with Dr. Obrecht, then eavesdrop while she talks to Faison on the phone. They then track him and Anna to their hotel, where Anna's about to physically show "Duke" how much she trusts him. Starr accuses A.J. of using Sonny to manipulate Michael and make himself look better. A.J. denies it, of course, but Starr gets proof in the form of the text message Michael sent Sonny telling him he was coming to the gym. She shares this with Shawn, who shares it with Sonny, but she doesn't get the chance to tell Michael. Michael tries to get Dante to arrest Sonny, but Dante points out that if A.J. agreed to spar, there was no crime. Molly channels her Cassadine side and uses Starr to guilt Todd into letting her and T.J. search his/Connie's office for the manuscript. Then Todd learns it's already with his publisher, who wants to publish it. Connie wants to put herself and Sonny on the cover of Couture, for some reason. Elizabeth is totally falling for A.J.'s charms.

I feel it needs to be said again: Finola Hughes is 53 years old. 53! And she has the body of a 21-year-old!

Starr, you win the day. I would give you a gold star, but that's too twee.

Oh, and Molly wins the day, too. She can have a star.

I really, really couldn't care less how Elizabeth feels about A.J. Well, really, I couldn't care less about Elizabeth in any way, shape, or form, but you knew that.

December 12th, 2012

Robert and McBain somehow figure out that Faison's wearing a mask, so they turn up the heat in the hotel room and prove that he can't sweat. (I don't know.) Then Robert throws oil in Faison's face to destroy the latex and prove to Anna that he's not Duke. Faison gets arrested, but Duke and Robin's residence at the clinic is still unknown. Johnny starts to tell Carly why he married Connie (or at least he says he's going to) but Todd interrupts. Johnny's so sick of the threats and Connie in general that he tells her he's going to confess. Alexis and Kristina decorate the penthouse and try to bring Sam Christmas spirit, even though Alexis still thinks she's in denial. There's still tension there, but nothing that can't be fixed by a baby in a cute outfit. Todd won't stop the publication of Molly/Connie's book since he'll make money either way. Of course, Molly can't get Connie's human side to back down, so she decides to ask Alexis to sue. Lulu freaks out on Maxie for accidentally eating blackberry jelly, which she's allergic to, because it means she's not careful enough to carry someone else's baby. Trey's heading to L.A. in January and wants Kristina to go with him.

I love how all of Robert and McBain's enlightenment happened off-screen. Whatever.

If you don't think Danny in a Santa suit was adorable, you have no soul.

Hey, Lulu, maybe you should be more careful about letting your best friend eat food you know she's allergic to. Okay, it's not really her fault, but she's bugging the crap out of me, so I'm going to make her take some of the responsibility.

By the way, David Vickers was a One Life to Live character...and he was played by Tuc Watkins, AKA GH's evil Dr. Pierce Dorman.

December 13th, 2012

With Faison out of the picture, Robin thinks Dr. Obrecht might actually let her go, but she's wrong: Dr. Obrecht wants to kill her instead. Anna thinks Duke might be alive for real, so she and Robert go back to the clinic to get some answers. Olivia has her dog vision again, and this time it wears a baby bib and talks. She tells Maxie about it and freaks her out. Then she learns a very important lesson about knocking, and Dante learns that there are many things that prevent him from performing (as it were). Britt continues to be awful, kissing Patrick under mistletoe and inviting herself to help him and Emma decorate for Christmas. He has Robin on his mind, though, and even thinks he sees her in their living room. Felix has a confession to make to Sabrina but instead tries to get him and Patrick some alone time.

I'm guessing the previews have only been edited to make it look like Anna finds Robin, because I can't imagine her finding Robin if Kimberly McCullough isn't staying.

A dog in a baby bib. You can't make this stuff up, people.

Things I really don't need to think about: anything involving Dante's junk.

People really hang mistletoe at work? That seems like a sexual-harassment suit waiting to happen.

December 15th, 2012

Arrested: Cesar Faison

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "It's OUR chair!"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Kristina cringing after Alexis handed her a Christmas decoration that fell apart; Robert grinning after Anna decked Faison
Saddest moment: Can't think of anything
Sweetest/cutest moments: Danny, dressed as Santa, grabbing for the phoenix ornament; the dog in the baby bib
Least believable moment: No one in the hotel heard anything that happened in Faison's room
Most annoying character: Lulu, in both hormonal and normal forms
Smartest characters: Robert and McBain
Dumbest character: Connie; she hasn't done anything directly dumb yet, but I can't imagine she's thought anything through very well
Things we learned this week: 1. It takes as long to get from New York to Switzerland as it does to get from Sonny's gym to GH.
2. Maxie's allergic to blackberries.

Next week: "Todd and Connie join forces." Well, that can't be good.

December 17th, 2012

Anna and Robert find Duke, who tells Anna that Faison knew someone else had seen through one of his lies. That plus the strangeness of Heather sending Anna on a journey that led her to the same clinic makes Anna wonder if Robin isn't really alive. In the Duke-related madness, Dr. Obrecht escapes and tries to inject Robin with something. She starts yelling for her parents and Robert hears, rushing in to rescue her. Before he can, Dr. Obrecht injects him instead. Felix doesn't actually know Lucy, so he and Sabrina have to talk their way past her VP of marketing (former hooker Bree). Fortunately, Bree happens to be an ex-hooker with a heart of gold, and she's a proponent of safe sex, so they get to see the wizard. Mac and Emma accidentally interrupt Patrick's vision of Robin, but he later tells Mac about it and asks if he's crazy. Mac assures him that he isn't. After Patrick and Emma have decorated for Christmas, he finds a present from Robin in his stocking. Maxie considers backing out of the surrogacy, but seeing how much Dante and Lulu love each other makes her decide to go through with it. Olivia thinks she's having another vision of the dog, but the dog's real, and his name is Rocco, the name Dante wants to give his son. On the plus side, now Spinelli and Ellie think she's nuts.

I like the twist of Robert finding Robin, not least because he never got to have a last scene with her before she "died." This is a nice way to "wrap up" this part of the story – he'll either forget he saw her or he'll think he dreamed it, but there's always the possibility of him remembering it.

You guys, I adore Lucy Coe. It's my fondest wish that she and Kevin would come back for good. Barring that, I will take this temporary return and relish it.

My guess is the vision of a dog with the same name Dante wants for the baby means that they'll have a boy. Which is too bad, because there hasn't been a girl born on this show in a while. Also, the name Rocco is dumb.

So...where did McBain go? Is he with Faison? Did he just go home? Is he skiing? Is he recovering from having his mind blown by the fact that he did, in fact, find the person who shot Jason, thereby solving a case faster than anyone in the history of the PCPD, even if it was by accident?

December 18th, 2012

Duke and Anna find Robert half-conscious and only able to say, "Find her." He tries to tell Anna more but can't before he passes out. They learn that he was injected with a sedative and might not make it. Robin's horrible day gets even worse when Dr. Obrecht transfers her to her new guardian: Jerry. Lucy really wants to help with the ball, but she's in some legal/financial trouble and can't do much. Patrick's gift from Robin is a video she made when she thought she was going to die last year. She presciently tells him she won't be around for Christmas and urges him to move on, preferably with Elizabeth. Elizabeth gives Britt a smackdown about Sabrina and Patrick, but unfortunately, Britt gets the last laugh when Patrick invites her over. She also steals a DVD from Elizabeth to endear herself to Patrick even more. Maxie admits to Spinelli that she kind of agreed to be a surrogate because of him. He tells her that he still loves her (which Ellie overhears) and would want to be with her if he hadn't made a commitment to Ellie.

I hate that I accidentally ruined the final scene for myself before I watched the episode. But at least this time I didn't almost choke on a mushroom.

You know who would fund the Nurses' Ball? Jax and Brenda.

My first reaction to Lucy's first scene today: "Nice office." Second reaction: "There's a picture of Kevin on her desk!"

Apparently Christina Comes Home for Christmas was a One Life to Live thing. I don't know.

December 19th, 2012

Johnny hires Diane and tells her he wants to confess to killing Cole and Hope. She warns that he could spend the rest of his life in prison, so he suggests pulling an A.J. and turning in Todd for the baby swap. Diane can't defend both men, but she tells Johnny to keep his mouth shut while she figures something out. Instead, Johnny goes straight to Starr. Connie warns Todd that Johnny might be turning himself in, then figures out that Johnny can prove that Todd knew about the baby swap. Alexis finally gets a look at Molly's book, which neither realized has been turned into Fifty Shades of Connie. (T.J. kind of likes it better that way.) She approaches Connie about a settlement but instead hears her taunting Todd about the swap. Sonny and Shawn confront A.J. over the text message, and A.J. laughs that Sonny's reacting exactly the way A.J. expected him to. Sonny predicts that A.J. will sabotage his relationship with Michael on his own, so Sonny won't have to do anything. A.J.'s a little shaken and tempted to drink, but doesn't. Starr tells Michael her suspicions about the boxing debacle, so he asks A.J. about it. Oh, and it's the anniversary of Abby's death, so it's a cheerful day for him.

Johnny, can't you wait until after Christmas to do this?

Yeah, when I said that Connie and Todd teaming up wouldn't be good for anyone, I obviously didn't mean it wouldn't be good for the audience.

I am a huge dork, because when A.J. yelled at Sonny for threatening him in his own house, I waited for someone to say, "It's Monica's house." And no one did, so I said it myself.

I wonder when Michael's going to tell Starr about Carter? It's clear from the way he glossed over the specifics of the "hard time" Abby helped him through that he hasn't told her yet.

December 20th, 2012

Johnny confesses to Starr that he killed Anthony and is about to tell her who else he killed when Todd calls. As soon as he learns that Starr's with Johnny, he fakes a heart attack so she'll come running to him. Of course, then he has to explain why he faked a heart attack. Connie mulls their options, knowing a confession from Johnny could make her disappear, then knocks him out. A.J. tells Michael the truth about the gym brawl but still somehow manages to come out looking like he just wants to be a good father. Sonny tells Carly about A.J.'s games and suggests that they do nothing so Michael can't blame them for the inevitable fallout. Spinelli clarifies things for Ellie, promising that he still chooses her, but leaves out the part about how he would be with Maxie if Ellie weren't in the picture. Maxie gets her eggs while Olivia continues freaking out about dogs.

See what happens when you develop a conscience, Johnny? You end up unconscious.

Okay, Connie. What's step 2?

For once, Sonny has a solid plan. I'm scared.

I really, really can't stomach the idea of putting up with this version of Lulu for nine months.

December 21st, 2012

Lucy lurks around Quartermaine mansion (even after Alice throws her out), looking for anything Edward might have left her. She gets nothing, but she does hold 1 percent of ELQ. Tracy pulls out all the stops to get Sam's 18 percent, including buying her a car. She almost wins her over by convincing her that Michael's future will be the opposite of what Jason wanted for him if A.J. runs ELQ. A.J. and Michael show up for more fighting, and Sam decides she's had enough. She gives Tracy and A.J. each 9 percent and tells them she's out of the battle. Carly inadvertently saves Johnny's life by showing up at his place just as Connie's about to kill him with scissors. (No, seriously.) Connie chases her off and proceeds as Starr, unable to get Todd to tell her anything, heads over. Sabrina starts to tell Patrick and Britt that Lucy can't fund the ball, but Felix announces that she's doing it. Sabrina's about to come clean when Lucy arrives to get everyone pumped up about the event.

Since when does Lucy have 1 percent of ELQ? Why didn't anyone mention that before?

If Tracy buys cars for people she hates, I'd love to know what she buys for people she likes.

Okay, Sam, this is getting sad. If Jason were alive, don't you think he would have gotten in touch with you by now? And would he really knock on his own door?

In case it wasn't clear how evil Connie is, she was about to murder someone. And may try again. Just saying.

Kristen Alderson should get an Emmy for not laughing during Todd's duct-tape shenanigans.

Back in town: Lucy Coe
Definitely not dead: Jerry Jacks
Incapacitated: Robert Scorpio, Johnny Zacchara

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): "Break an egg!"; "Hearing voices is a sign of mental illness." "You would know." "I would know"; Todd trying to duct-tape his ribs
Funniest moment (unintentional): Lucy gives out Golden Duck awards (Sigmund!)
Saddest moment: Robin thinking Dr. Obrecht had killed Robert
Sweetest/cutest moment: Danny trying to eat the bear Tracy gave him
Least believable moment: "This man has been given a strong sedative. Even though I'm a doctor, I'm not going to put forth any effort to see if I can save him. Have a nice day!" I guess there's no Hippocratic Oath in Switzerland?
Most annoying character: Britt, obviously
Smartest characters: Sam, for taking herself out of the ELQ fight; Sonny, for letting A.J. hang himself
Dumbest character: Felix, for telling an easily unravelable lie
Things we learned this week: 1. Michael likes to hang out in his apartment without a shirt.
2. People just don't die in explosions in Port Charles. (Which means we shouldn't be surprised if Lily comes back someday.)
3. Lucy has 1 percent of ELQ.

December 22nd, 2012

Next week: Lucy + Quartermaines = fun.

December 26th, 2012

Carly gives Michael his ELQ shares and tells him he's free to make his own decisions. She mentions his time in prison, which Starr overhears and later asks about, not realizing that Christmas is a horrible time for this conversation. But Michael tells her, everything's out in the open, and they bond even further by getting naked together. This means missing dinner with both Sonny and A.J., so each father thinks Michael chose the other. Olivia has a vision of Spinelli rushing Maxie to the hospital, which is exactly what happens when Spinelli visits Maxie and she experiences cramps. Somehow, though, this means she's pregnant. Ellie spends the evening waiting for Spinelli to show up at Sonny's, knowing he's still with Maxie. When he finally arrives, she tells him she's dumping him because Maxie's needs will always come before hers. Monica tells A.J. and Tracy that in the event of a tie, Lucy could cast a tiebreaking vote. Lucy invites herself over to the Quartermaines', and Tracy and A.J. immediately start vying for her favor, exactly as she'd hoped. Tracy and Monica also find themselves on the same side for once, since neither wants to have to deal with Lucy. Connie hints to Todd that she killed Johnny, but she won't give him a straight answer about where he really is. She later crashes Sonny's party and he taunts that she has nowhere else to go. Carly spends Christmas Eve with Todd, decorating a potted plant with office supplies. Kristina decides to go to L.A. with Trey.

Yes, the Christmas Eve episode is the perfect time for a conversation about rape.

Hey, Ellie, I think there's a Giambetti who would be interested in dating you. Though I don't think he's your type. There's about a 75-point difference in your IQs.

I'd love to know who invited Spinelli to Sonny's, because I doubt it was Sonny.

The person who did all the math and worked out the details for this ELQ plot is kind of a genius. Just when you think it won't work, it does.

December 27th, 2012

Connie's holding Johnny at the Haunted Star until she decides what to do with him. He promises to keep his mouth shut, and he really should have an insurance policy in place for this. Starr's still thinking about their strange conversation, so she goes to the club to talk to him and encounters Connie. Johnny makes noise so Starr will hear, and she fights Connie to get into the office. Spinelli tries to explain what happened on Christmas Eve to Ellie, who isn't appeased. He gets her to agree to meet him on the hospital roof at midnight (it's New Year's Eve) if she wants to give their relationship another try. Kristina and Trey tell Alexis they're moving to L.A., and though she's not thrilled, she can't do anything to stop them. Sonny, however, would like to. Lulu questions Maxie's actions on Christmas Eve and is as annoying as she's been all month. Dante finally tells her to can it. Sonny apologizes to Michael for Textgate, warning that A.J. will just disappoint him again.

Once again, Connie has failed to think a plan all the way through. Isn't there a chance Lulu will show up? Oh, wait, no. She's too obsessed with babies to go to work.

I don't think Spinelli remembers all the details of An Affair to Remember. Maybe this will jog his memory.

Good luck stopping your adult daughter from moving, Sonny. Because in the past, whenever you've disagreed with her decisions, she's always patiently listened to you and done what you wanted her to.

Seriously. Can't take Lulu like this for nine months. SOS.

December 28th, 2012

Starr finds Johnny tied up, so Connie tells her they're just into bondage and making sex tapes. Starr tries to call the police but Connie stops her by tackling her and knocking her out. Connie leaves her there and puts Johnny in a recycling bin so she can take him to her car, running into Lucy (who recognizes her), A.J., and Tracy in the process. Kristina wears Sonny down and gets his reluctant blessing to move to L.A. Trey wants to tell Connie they're leaving, so he and Kristina track her down at her car, where she's just deposited Johnny in her trunk. Sam breaks into Todd's office yet again, hoping to find Molly's original manuscript in the safe. Carly convinces Todd not to press charges, and Sam repays her by warning that Todd's been lying to her about his role in the baby swap. Carly doesn't agree since Todd swore on Starr's life. Also, she thinks he's cute and totally wants to spend New Year's Eve with him. Lucy offers to trade her 1 percent for money to repay her shareholders and get herself out of trouble with the SEC. A.J. points out that Tracy's having her own SEC trouble, but if Lucy votes for him to run ELQ, he'll help her out. Meanwhile, Britt forces Sabrina to tell Patrick that Lucy hasn't specifically promised to fund the ball. Lucy tells the two of them, plus Tracy and A.J., that ELQ will be underwriting the event. Sabrina still hasn't learned that when Patrick asks her if she has plans, it means he needs a babysitter.

Recycling bins are the new laundry carts. Which makes it ironic that Connie ran into A.J.

By the way, Molly/Connie's book actually exists. Awesome.

Can't wait till Sam gets to tell Carly she told her so.

Patrick. Please get a real babysitter. Molly is, indeed, available.

Anniversary: Dante and Lulu Falconeri
Broke up: Ellie Trout and Damian Spinelli
Kidnapped: Johnny Zacchara
Pregnant: Maxie Jones

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Connie dancing to her musical necklace
Funniest moment (unintentional): We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make realistic fake snow
Saddest moment: Carly's blind trust of Todd makes me sad
Sweetest/cutest moment: Carly giving Michael his shares, even though it was probably a horrible idea
Least believable moment: Connie got Johnny into a recycling bin, then from the recycling bin into her trunk
Most annoying character: Lulu
Smartest character: No one. Everyone was an idiot this week. Okay, not really, but no one was especially smart
Dumbest characters: Connie, because...come on; Carly, same

December 29th, 2012

Next week: Let's just say no one's going to L.A.

Back to the main page