General Hospital blog - December, 2014

December 1st, 2014

Luke and Alexis tell the Falconeris and Quartermaines what's been going on, and Lulu puts it together with the mask specs. When confronted, Ashton holds firm that he's innocent, then runs away. Everyone realizes that he might still have the mask. Faison tells Obrecht that he loves her, not Anna, and that after he does whatever his final task is, they'll be able to run off together. Britt catches them and threatens to call the police, so Obrecht plays the "I'll tell Nikolas about your role in Spencer's 'disappearance'" card. Franco urges Nina to leave the baby behind so they can lessen their chances of Sonny sending someone after them. They fight, and she threatens to go off on her own with the baby. Ultimately, they decide to stick together because the baby is so darn cute. At least I think that's what happened. Ava is unable to keep Silas from talking to Kiki, so now he knows that she's a fugitive. Jordan demands to know who she and Julian are working for before she'll accept a huge shipment of cocaine. He tells her about the double, and how he doesn't know who they're really working for. Later, Fluke ambushes him with a gun.

Helena should have swapped Luke and Fluke at Miscavige, then had Fluke pretend he was there the whole time. Everyone would think they were getting the real Luke back, but it would still be the fake. Eh, whatever.

Britt and I finally have something in common – we both hate seeing her parents kiss.

I love that we're supposed to think that the baby is a month old when she can hold her head up and is practically holding her bottle herself.

Once again, the pendulum swings back toward "dumb" in the rating of Ava's intelligence. Does she have any plan at all?

December 2nd, 2014

Luke still wants to go after Ashton, but everyone thinks the police should take care of things, because they're not busy looking for other criminals and missing babies. Dante focuses on bringing in Julian, so he and Anna head over to his place, where Fluke's about to kill him. They accidentally interrupt before Fluke can grant Julian his dying wish by telling him who he is. Anna removes Fluke's mask, and everyone's shocked by who they see. (Spoiler: It's Faison.) Ava guilts Silas into continuing their quest for the baby instead of turning her in to the police. Nina unearths Franco's paternal longings, so the two of them and the baby are going to form a super-messed-up family. Nikolas thinks Britt and Obrecht are keeping secrets, then gets distracted when Spencer implies that he is, too. Britt doesn't like seeing Spencer interrogated, so she admits that she was behind his running-away scheme. Ned doesn't get why Alexis thinks Julian is blameless in Luke's captivity, and was just coerced into committing multiple crimes. Tracy's mad at herself for not realizing that she was getting so intimate with someone who wasn't really Luke. Lucy warns Duke that becoming a mob boss won't be all sunshine and puppies.

As usual, Thanksgiving in Port Charles is less than ideal. I think the only people who have eaten a meal are Kiki, Morgan, and the baby. I assume everyone at Elizabeth's ate, too, and they're probably the only ones who had turkey.

You stepped on your cliffhanger again, promo monkeys. (Not that it matters, since toward the end of the episode, it was pretty obvious that Fluke was Faison.) Why even bother if you're not going to let them actually hang?

Hey, Nikolas, if you're going to dump Britt – which I obviously recommend – and decide you want Elizabeth again – which I encourage – move quickly. Very quickly.

Cut scene: Nathan sitting alone at the dinner table at Wyndemere, wondering when everyone's coming back.

December 3rd, 2014

Luke meets Rocco, promising Lulu and Tracy that he's going to refocus his life on his family. They talk him out of killing Faison so Rocco can have at least one grandfather who's not in prison. Faison tries to turn Dante against Anna by detailing what she did to him, but Dante is like, "You're a terrorist. You totally deserved it." While Anna arrests Julian, Dante takes Faison to the PCPD, where Faison learns that Obrecht has another child. Then he makes his one phone Luke, who is in fact not really Luke, and who is pleased that things are going exactly as they planned. Obrecht tries to take the blame for Spencer's mischief, and Britt quickly grabs on and attempts to snow Nikolas yet again. Fortunately, he doesn't buy it, and even more fortunately, he kicks her out of Wyndemere on Thanksgiving, threatening her with legal action. Franco thinks Nina should name the baby after someone in her family, but the only person she really likes is Nathan, FKA James, so the baby is dubbed Jamie. Alexis tells Molly that Julian cleared Ric's name, but Molly isn't mollified (sorry, couldn't resist). She blames Alexis for Ric's death, since Alexis chose Julian over him, which led to Ric's incarceration. When Alexis goes to the PCPD to talk to Anna, Anna reveals that Ric's alive. Before being sent to Pentonville, Madeline tries to make amends with Nathan, who apparently left Wyndemere when it became clear that no one was going to have dinner. She learns that he thinks Victor is his father, but doesn't set the record straight. Instead, she threatens to tell him the truth if Obrecht doesn't testify that Nina forced her to go along with the kidnapping scheme.

DIDN'T I SAY? DIDN'T I SAY THAT HELENA SHOULD HAVE PULLED ANOTHER SWITCH? I AM SO SMART AND AWESOME. Also, this means Helena didn't drop the ball like I thought. I should have known she was on top of things. (I guess I'm not that smart after all.)

"You don't get to feel bad." Sing it, Nikolas! Good luck getting Britt prosecuted for her scheme, though. She's already gotten away with kidnapping.

I'm sure it'll get changed, but I'm so glad the baby finally has a name, just so I can call her something other than "the baby."

Hey, Alexis, do you want to mention to the police that Helena's wandering around? Okay, maybe not this second, since you have some other stuff to deal with, but soon?

Madeline is so insignificant to me that I never even considered that she might know who Nathan's father is.

December 4th, 2014

Sam and Patrick have some questions for Faison, and he has more answers than they expected. For starters, he ends their investigation into the accident by informing them that Victor was behind it. Next, he admits that though he shot Jason, he didn't kill him. Finally, he busts Patrick for knowing that Jason was alive and at Crichton-Clark with Robin. Alice tells Fluke that she thought things were off with him but couldn't convince anyone else. Fluke blasts her for not doing something, but backs off when he finds out she had a heart transplant, because that's what Luke would do. Later, he visits the real Luke, who's now being held in some basement. Jason recognizes Helena's picture in the paper, making Elizabeth wonder what the "queen of the damned" is up to now. Helena assures Obrecht that she'll be able to get Faison out of jail. Tracy's furious with Anna for not ensuring Faison's confinement. Britt whines to Brad that Nikolas kicked her out and wants her prosecuted. Brad's like, "I'm basically the only person who can tolerate you, so I guess I should offer to help." Spencer hates Nikolas for turning on Britt.

What is this, revelation week? Does anyone still have any secrets in reserve, other than the Faison/Fluke/Helena cabal?

Good thing they wrapped up the accident plotline, because I don't think Sam's going to be doing Patrick any more favors.

Did Alice call Jordan an "FBI lady"? Where do I even begin with that? First of all, they're called agents, Alice. Second, wrong agency. Third, shouldn't Alice think she's a drug dealer?

Why are we talking about Courtney? Follow-up question: Can we stop?

December 5th, 2014

Helena continues to make unexpected choices by telling Jason who he is, what happened to him, and what she wants with him. Apparently Victor wanted him for a super-soldier WSB segment, and Helena has picked up where he left off. She's used mind control to condition him to do her bidding, and activated him when she paid a second visit to Wyndemere on Thanksgiving. It appears that Helena's plan is to use Jason to break Faison out of jail. Patrick reluctantly tells Sam everything hes been keeping from her, then asks for forgiveness. She's like, "Yeah, I'll get right on that. First just let me wrap my mind around how my husband didn't actually die two years ago." Then her day gets worse when someone (most likely Jason) dressed in black grabs her at the PCPD. Also having a bad day: Luke, who learns that Faison impersonated him long enough to get arrested, and that there's still an imposter. Also also having a bad day: Sonny, who runs into Carlos and gets yelled at for letting an innocent man go to prison for the crime he committed. Carlos warns that there are a lot of people at Pentonville who hate him, and he's not safe. Unfortunately for Sonny (but fortunately for us), he then encounters one of those people: Johnny. Faison and Anna have a weird conversation about mind control and how he doesn't love her anymore because she broke the law. Obrecht convinces Britt to run off with her and Faison, so mark this the first time Obrecht has done something I can support. Nikolas lets Elizabeth know that she was right about Britt, and that they're definitely over this time. Elizabeth tells him that Helena's back on the canvas, and that her house guest had an encounter with her. Nikolas seems more surprised by news of the house guest than he does about his presumed-dead grandmother being alive. Sabrina apologizes to Michael for making him think Ava killed A.J., like, maybe you should be apologizing to Ava for almost killing her baby? She cautions Michael not to let revenge take over his life, which is weird because he isn't. She also reveals that she was fired for what she did to Ava. Her day ends on a high note when she reunites with Carlos right after he gets released from Pentonville.

Helena, can you use that mind control to make Faison do something with his hair?

If you don't remember the plot where Helena pulled a Manchurian Candidate on Lucky, it's because it was really boring. I think the writers pulled the plug early because it wasn't going anywhere. I don't even remember what she had him do. I just know the Ice Princess was involved, and Elizabeth got rid of it, and he was miraculously cured.

If I were Sam, I think my first instinct would be to try to get in touch with Robin. Well, actually, if I were Sam, right now my instinct would be to throw an elbow or flip my would-be kidnapper over my shoulder.

Seeing Sonny in a hoodie is so disorienting. Much more disorienting than seeing Jason in khakis.

I love that everyone's all stubbly and haggard in Pentonville...and then there's baby-faced Johnny, looking like he just got back from a spa.

Arrested: Cesar Faison, Julian Jerome
Broke up: Nikolas Cassadine and Britt Westbourne

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): "Henchnannies"; Tracy breaking a glass, and Luke asking if she's been hanging out with Sonny
Funniest moment (unintentional): Dante, please stop pretending that the PCPD has ever had any situation under control ever
Saddest moment: Sam finding out everything Patrick kept from her
Sweetest/cutest moment: Jamie jumps right into the competition for cutest kid on this show
Least believable moments: Ashton outran Dante, getaway car or no getaway car; Faison isn't locked up very well
Best instance of continuity: Franco kidnapped Aiden just after he was born
Worst instance of continuity: Alice referred to Jordan as an "FBI lady," which, even if it were accurate, isn't something she would know
Hero of the week: As strange as it sounds, I'm giving this to Faison, for letting out secrets that needed to come out
Most annoying characters: Obrecht, Britt
Smartest character: Sigh. Helena
Dumbest character: Ava

The week in a nutshell:

December 8th, 2014

Jason takes Sam hostage and starts a gunfight with the police, all so he can get the keys to Faison's transport vehicle. Even with a dozen people firing on each other, only Nathan takes a bullet. Sam pleads with Anna not to let Jason drive off with Faison, but Anna decides she has to sacrifice him to save Sam. Spencer comes across Britt, Obrecht, and Helena and asks to tag along on their voyage. Helena sends him home, and Britt gives him her engagement ring as a memento. When Faison and Jason join the group, Faison announces that Nathan was shot, which makes Britt change her mind about leaving town. Obrecht convinces her to head out with Faison while she stays behind with her son. Patrick tells Carly all about the Jason/Robin happenings, and unlike Sam, she isn't mad that he kept quiet about Jason being alive. She also thinks that he should pursue Sam if he really thinks something could happen there. Patrick figures that she and Sonny will end up together even if he's in prison for the rest of his life. Johnny acts sympathetic to Sonny's situation, then has him beaten up, so who knows how he really feels? Nikolas thinks Elizabeth is nuts for letting a stranger live with her. She thinks hes even more nuts for giving Britt a second chance. Maxie and Lulu get some filler, but at least it's fun filler.

Guys, Britt's really gone. We're finally rid of her! It's a Christmas miracle! (P.S. I like Kelly Thiebaud, and this is totally not anything against her. But freaking A, am I happy we don't have to put up with the Britch anymore. If only Obrecht had gone with her.)

I kind of hope that Anna throws it in Julian's face that she let Faison go to save Sam. Julian's excuse for not going to the police about Fluke was that he didn't think Anna would help his family. Well, look what she did today.

I'm picturing Robin coming back and Carly having to thank her for saving Jason. It's a fun picture.

I'm surprised Helena didn't kidnap Spencer. She may be losing her touch.

Johnny's so weird. "Let me know if you need any help. Okay, these guys are going to beat you up now."

December 9th, 2014

Nathan is rushed to the hospital, where Obrecht saves his life and acts all maternal. Sam and Lulu reluctantly tell Maxie that Nathan was hurt, and she decides to violate the judge's orders to be with him. Sam promises Dante that she'll do whatever it takes to help him find the gunman. Elizabeth and Jason watch a news story about the hostage situation, but neither recognizes the gunman. The news story also declares Ric's innocence, which makes Elizabeth feel bad about turning her back on him. Speaking of Ric, Alexis spends the episode preparing to tell Molly that he's alive, while Molly spends the episode avoiding her. Jordan's boss blames her for Faison's escape and various other methods, so she's done at the DEA. Anna thinks she can make at least one thing right, since she'll be able to reunite Ric with his family, but Jordan's boss reveals that Ric is missing. Olivia's about to tell Ned that she has feelings for him when Alexis interrupts to make up with her fake boyfriend and tell him that Ric is alive. Olivia chickens out and pretends she's totally fine with just being friends with Ned. Patrick shows concern for Sam, but she brushes him off.

If someone could get that close to the standoff and make a clear, audible recording, security at the PCPD is a huge joke. I mean, obviously, if people can be kidnapped there without anyone noticing.

Jason and Elizabeth, please stop flirting. It gets the Liaison fandom all riled up, and we have to bring out a dragon and a phoenix to make them shut up.

Why are Ned and Alexis still pretending to be together? Wasn't that just for Julian's benefit?

Dear Mr. DEA boss whose name I can't remember, how was Jordan supposed to head up Faison's transfer when she's undercover? Also, I guarantee the outcome would have been the same. Unless you're saying that they should have let Jason kill Sam.

December 10th, 2014

Fluke falls all over himself trying to apologize to Michael for the things his "imposter" did. He insists that he prove that he's trustworthy, and thinks the best way to do that is by working at ELQ. Michael is wisely skeptical about the idea. Sam asks Spinelli to hack into the PCPD's security footage so she can track down the gunman. Then she and Jason have a nice conversation about topics such as Faison, Franco, and Sonny and Carly. Speaking of Carly, she's shocked to see that Sonny was attacked, but he refuses to rat out his assailants or ask for protection. He also tells her not to visit him again. Morgan and Kiki head to New York to see if Delia's hiding Ava. Conveniently, they're there when Ava and Silas arrive to meet with one of Franco's old art contacts. The four decide to team up to track down Jamie. Franco is recognized by one of his and Nina's new neighbors. Dante questions Hooper, hoping he can provide information on Faison's escape and/or the gunman. Hooper can't help there, but he does have information on Franco and Nina.

Damian Smith is climbing my list of Fluke suspects. He really is the most logical choice for a person who hates both Luke and Sonny.

Interesting that Sam keeps referring to Faison as Jason's killer when she knows that's not the case. Maybe she just doesn't feel like telling the real story, since it would take half an hour each time.

Also, Sam and Jason sitting around, talking about Sonny and Carly? Talk about déjà vu.

Aaaaaaaaaand Delia has maxed out my quarterly tolerance of her already.

December 11th, 2014

Silas, Ava, Morgan, and Kiki meet with their Franco contact, who turns out to be Betsy. Things start off rocky, since she's unwilling to help Ava, whose identity is outed because Delia can't keep her mouth shut. Morgan manages to talk her into telling them where Franco might be. Back in Port Charles, Hooper makes a deal with Scott and reveals the place where he took Franco and Nina. In Canada, Franco tells Nina he'll take care of their nosy fangirl neighbor, but it's not clear if he does before Dante and the Mounties arrive. Spinelli's security-footage hack isn't helpful, since it doesn't show anything the news footage didn't show. Sam laments that, based on his physical characteristics, the gunman could be anyone, including Jason. She asks him where he was during the standoff, kind of joking but kind of not. He gives his alibi, then uses a phrase he used during the standoff, making Sam suspicious. Sonny wants Carly to stop visiting him so she'll have a better chance of reconciling with Michael. Carly begs him to change his mind, since now she wants to be with him, but he tells her he won't accept her visits. Helena gushes to Fluke about how awesome Jason (AKA "Soldier Boy") is, and how they can get whatever they want because they have him as a secret weapon. Maxie sneaks a visit with Nathan, feeling hopeful about their relationship and getting custody of Georgie.

I don't think Nina needs to worry about Zoe looking up Franco on the Internet. She doesn't seem to have used it for the past three years, if she doesn't know what happened to him after Francophenia.

Please tell me we're going to get some kind of inside joke about Dominic Zamprogna being Canadian.

Is Helena saying that she didn't tell Jason to take a hostage – he thought of that on his own? Because it's a very un-Jason-like thing to do.

I'll admit that I kind of want Helena to use Jason to get ELQ shares, just because it would be Quartermaine vs. Quartermaines.

December 12th, 2014

Franco tries to delay Dante, Ava, Morgan, Silas, and Kiki with a fake baby, but ultimately his plan falls apart (as does his flour-sack child) and he's arrested. Meanwhile, Silas finds Nina with the real baby, and uses his patented Nina-whispering skills to convince her that the three of them should be a family. He manages to subdue Nina while Ava and Morgan finally get the baby back, though Ava's reunion with her daughter is short-lived, and she's the next to get cuffed. Johnny messes with Sonny a little, so Sonny threatens him with a toothbrush shiv. Johnny then tries to make a deal to run the Corinthos organization despite being in prison. Sonny refuses, of course, but Johnny assures him that he and the Jeromes will both play ball. If Sonny doesn't cooperate, Johnny will kill Ric. Jason does some very Jason-like things, such as listening to Carly's problems and getting Carlos to back off of her. Carly considers hiring him as a bartender, but when he proves to be really bad at mixing drinks, she offers him a security job. Sam shares her suspicious about Jason with Elizabeth, who thinks she's being ridiculous, though she's not 100 percent convinced. Alexis tells Julian that Ric is alive, then asks if the Jeromes had anything to do with his disappearance. Julian says he didn't, like Alexis believes anything he says anyway. Later, Carlos visits Julian to tell him he'll be out of jail soon.

Yay, the missing-baby storyline is over! I guess that means it's time for the everyone's-going-to-prison and Morgan-tries-to-raise-a-child storylines.

Man, is Silas the best to have around in a crisis or what? (Also, I don't think my opinion of a character has changed as much this year as it has about him.)

Yeah, here's the thing, Johnny: Sonny doesn't actually like Ric. Try threatening someone else.

See, I would expect Jason to know how to make a martini because it's a Quartermaine drink. But maybe he never had to make them because A.J. was always the self-appointed bartender at the manse.

"I'm a lover, not a fighter." Now imagine Steve Burton saying that. Can't do it, can you?

Arrested: Franco, Ava Jerome
Fired: Jordan Ashford
Injured: Nathan West
Kidnapped: Ric Lansing
Left town: Cesar Faison, Britt Westbourne

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Lulu thinks Dante is intimidated by Nathan's body
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jamie squawking away while Franco and Nina were trying to stay quiet
Saddest moment: none, because I don't care about anyone who was sad this week
Sweetest/cutest moment: Maxie and Nathan are adorable
Least believable moment: It only took the length of Maxie's visit to Nathan for Dante to get to Canada
Best instance of continuity: I believe Maxie made a reference to Jesse
Worst instance of continuity: Maybe he doesn't remember it, but Spencer has met Helena before
Heroes of the week: Obrecht (ugh), for saving Nathan; Morgan, for gaining Betsy's sympathies
Most annoying character: Delia
Smartest characters: Sam, Silas
Dumbest characters: the guy who hid in the bushes ten feet from the PCPD standoff so he could record it; frigging Delia

The week in a nutshell:

December 15th, 2014

Sonny exposes the fundamental flaw in Johnny's plan, which is that he thinks Ric betrayed him, and Sonny doesn't trust him, and he doesn't even like his brother that much. Johnny shows him proof that Anna faked his death and put him in witness protection, then gives him 48 hours to accept the deal. Julian has already accepted, having been won over by Carlos' talk of power even at the expense of a future with Alexis. Morgan and Kiki take over care of Jamie, asking Silas to run a paternity test. Carly visits Franco to gloat about how he's going to pay for everything he did, and how he'll never get to see Nina again. Olivia imagines declaring her love for Ned and telling him and Alexis that they're wrong for each other. Alexis has caught on that Olivia has some animosity toward her, but Ned is clueless. Ava and Nina fight a bunch, but really, they're both in the same boat, so they should save their energy.

I have to laugh at Carlos for talking about wanting power, like, dude, you just spent six months in prison precisely because you don't have any. "We're going to be the kings of Port Charles." You're going to be Johnny's b&%#$, is what you're going to be.

All this to-do with the paternity test and guardians is so pointless. Obviously Kiki is the temporary guardian. Obviously they were going to have the test run no matter what. Trying to make it seem interesting by talking about testing Carly is a waste of time.

However: Gentle reminder that if the baby is Morgan's, Carly's a grandma. How can you not be rooting for that outcome?

I don't believe for a second that Olivia would call another woman "easy," especially considering her own sexual history.

I like Officer Tibbs. Can he stay?

December 16th, 2014

Sam tells Dante her suspicions about "Jake," showing him Spinelli's enhanced footage of the gunman. Dante doesn't think they have enough evidence to move forward, but Sam is sure she's right. Elizabeth tells Jason that Sam thinks he was the gunman, an idea he finds ridiculous. She assures him that she believes he's innocent. Nathan jinxes the heck out of Maxie's custody hearing, and she's out of luck again. Spencer tells Nikolas that Britt left town, and that he encountered Helena. Helena shows up to confirm this, and to warn Nikolas that if he doesn't start acting like a prince, she'll take away his toys. Obrecht gives the same news about Britt to Nathan, promising that she doesn't know where she and Faison went, and that she had nothing to do with his escape. Olivia tells Ned that she wants to have a relationship with him, but he's sticking with the story about being back with Alexis. She decides that she can't just be friends with him.

Are you kidding me? Sam recognizes the gunman's eyes as "Jake's," despite seeing him fewer than five times, but she doesn't recognize "Jake's" eyes as Jason's?? This is getting even more ridiculous than it already was.

Billy Miller goes on Santa's nice list. That nose-bridge-pinch thing he did when Obrecht mentioned Franco was pure Jason.

Don't worry, Maxie. Sooner or later, that Grinch's heart will have to grow three sizes. Or Obrecht will have him offed; one or the other.

Nikolas got a haircut! God bless us, everyone. (I don't like it, but hey, he tried.)

Wyndemere security might be worse than Jerome security.

Awww, Olivia, I'll go see the next Avengers movie with you. I'll even pay for the popcorn.

How long is the mayoral recount going to take? It's been six weeks!

December 17th, 2014

Sam accuses Jason of taking her hostage, and though he insists it wasn't him, a couple of flashes of memory make him unsure. Michael visits the Brownstone, barely glances at his sister/niece, and evicts Kiki and Morgan. Carly begs him to reconsider, telling him that Sonny's trying to cut her out of his life so she and Michael can work on their relationship. Michael sticks to the eviction, showing his true Quartermaine colors. Nathan promises to find a way for Maxie and Lil' Georgie to spend Christmas together. Sonny enlists Shawn to track down Ric and kidnap him from his kidnappers. Plan B is agreeing to Johnny's deal. Patrick tells Sabrina that Victor was responsible for Gabriel's death. Sabrina apologizes to Ava for trying to hurt the baby, and Ava apologizes for using her against Carlos. Sam lets go of her grudge against Patrick, promising to try to forgive him, since Jason's gone either way. Silas is being super-nice to the murderer he almost turned in to the police just a couple days ago.

Interesting that Jason didn't ask Sam why she suspects him. He probably just thinks she's crazy.

Michael and Walters both need to be visited by three ghosts on Christmas Eve.

Silas, stop feeling sorry for Ava! It's weird!

I wonder how Sabrina would react if she knew Obrecht killed Victor (assuming he's actually dead).

December 18th, 2014

Jason asks Patrick if it's possible for him to block out and then recover the memory of something he did post-accident. Patrick can't really help him but recommends that he talk to Kevin and consider hypnotherapy. Jason seems willing until Patrick warns that, because of his build and the location of the accident, he might be in the mob. Sam and Elizabeth face off over Sam's accusations against Jason. Sam thinks Elizabeth keeps defending Jason because she's falling in love with him, pointing out that she has a history of falling for bad guys. Elizabeth notes that the same goes for Sam. Then they throw past sins in each other's faces, like how Sam let Jake get kidnapped, and how Elizabeth almost got Jason to divorce Sam instead of telling him that Danny was alive. Carlos takes Ric to Johnny's garage and reveals his location to Julian. Julian objects to using Ric as a pawn and considers just letting him go so he can reunite with Molly. He changes his mind when Duke accepts Johnny's deal in order to buy Shawn time to find Ric. Meanwhile, Anna convinces Jordan to maintain her cover in order to rescue Ric. Nathan asks Alexis to defend Nina, playing the family card. Nina thinks she and Franco will have to say goodbye to each other, but he's confident that things will turn around. He's right, since Alexis is willing to take Nina's case, but Nina wants her to represent Franco, too.

I would LOVE to see a Jason/Kevin therapy session. Though I don't expect to see Jon Lindstrom again for a while, if ever – he's going to be on the next season of True Detective. (So is Rick Springfield. Can we send over any other GH people?)

I knew that Sam/Elizabeth peace wouldn't last. Also: "We'll be forced to sue you for harassment." HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA shut up, Elizabeth.

Also hilarious: the idea of Alexis defending Franco.

Whoa, a Kristina Cassadine reference. That came out of nowhere. I guess Nathan's been researching his family (or possibly just researching a bunch of people he's not really related to).

December 19th, 2014

STOP HAVING PRESS CONFERENCES AT 2:00. There are 23 other hours in the day. Pick one.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): I actually can't think of any
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason trying to throw snark at Sam after their fight, with a "right after you" as she stomped off
Saddest moment: Maxie losing a chance at custody of Lil' Georgie again
Sweetest/cutest moment: Jason's been hanging out in pediatrics, fingerpainting with little kids
Least believable moment: Sam knows the gunman was Jason because she recognized his eyes, yet she doesn't recognize them as HER HUSBAND'S EYES
Best instance of continuity: Maxie and Georgie's Christmas ornaments
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Walters
Smartest character: Probably Johnny
Dumbest character: Elizabeth, though I'll admit it's mostly because I don't like her
Inside joke: I'm counting Patrick's comment that he and Sabrina met for lunch and didn't eat anything, which happens all the time on soaps

The week in a nutshell:

December 22nd, 2014

Sonny is the baby's father, which disappoints Morgan. But at least Kiki's around to support him and make out with him. Carly's also supportive, but isn't sure what to do next. While Sonny and Johnny bicker with each other, Shawn approaches Jordan for help finding and freeing Ric. Jordan tells Julian that the police searched the gallery for information on Ric, and she'd like to know where he is. Julian tells her just as Carlos spots Jordan and Shawn teaming up. He tells Johnny, who gives the kill order, and Jordan and Shawn get to the garage just as Carlos is about to pull the trigger. Nathan works some kind of magic and gets Walters to call another meeting with Alexis. Maxie doesn't want to go, since she's sure she'll get bad news, but Nathan uses Connect Four to convince her that she may not be seeing things clearly. (Just go with it.) It turns out Nathan's right, and Walters reverses his decision, giving Maxie the world's best Christmas present. Alexis successfully gets Nina an insanity plea and a transfer to a psych facility. She brings in a lawyer named Henry for Franco, who also tries to make the insanity plea fly. Scott backs this, but the judge points out that Franco blamed his past crimes on his tumor, which means any crimes since then are all his fault. Franco is sent to Pentonville, arriving just as Sonny's about to shiv Johnny. Julian reaches out to Sam, who agrees to keep him in her life as long as he keeps his business away from Danny.

How many kids is this for Sonny now? Also, let's talk about the fact that Rocco has an aunt who's younger than he is. Actually, speaking of Rocco, wouldn't Dante, as Sonny's oldest child, be next of kin? Hey, Dante and Lulu, do you want a little sister for Rocco?

Morgan should be happy he's not the father – he won't have to pay child support.

Let's have a spin-off where Shawn and Jordan fight crime and beat up bad guys together.

Nathan, remember this moment. You can now win every argument you and Maxie ever have just by saying, "Remember how I got you your daughter back?"

Congratulations, Lawyer Henry: You went from 0 to awesome faster than any character ever. Thank you for bringing the anti-Franco snark to the courthouse.

Part of me is hoping for a Nina/Heather encounter at Ferncliff. The rest of me is hoping we never see Nina again, but I know that won't happen.

It's adorable the way Sam sneers at the word "enforcer," like, does she think Jason was really just a coffee importer?

December 23rd, 2014

Shawn and Jordan talk Carlos out of killing Ric by threatening to kill him as well. Carlos warns Jordan that she's next on the hit list, then immediately runs to Julian to tell him that they were betrayed. Julian has just learned that Fluke is still an imposter, and is working on an equal partnership. Alexis tells Sam that Ric is alive, but that she's hesitant to tell Molly in case something happens to him. Finding this familiar, Sam urges Alexis to come clean. Just as she's about to, Ric shows up and reunites with his daughter. Maxie makes arrangements to go to Portland, so she and Nathan have a very cute early Christmas together. Johnny lets Franco know that they're not going to be friends, even if they both hate Sonny. Sonny threatens to have someone do to Franco what Carter did to Michael. Then he passes his shiv to Franco and gets him sent to solitary. Johnny learns of the failed hit on Ric, and Sonny tells him the deal is off and he'll never get Sonny's territory. Carly has Sonny-related issues to talk about, so of course Jason's the one she talks to. Kiki doesn't have time to deal with her and Morgan's relationship now that they're basically parents, so keep your shirt on, Morgan.

I bet Ric showing up at the penthouse could make even the Grinch's heart grow three sizes.

No, no, Maxie can't go to Portland! Spinelli has to come to Port Charles and reunite with Stone Cold! Where's MY Christmas gift??

"I promise to believe whatever you tell me." Nathan is just the best.

If Jason's going to keep hanging out at the hospital, can he at least meet Monica?

If they're not going to keep calling her Jamie, can they please rename the baby already? She's almost two months old.

December 24th, 2014

Obrecht teaches the children of Port Charles about Krampus. Only Josslyn is amused. Once the kids are appropriately traumatized, Monica brings back the Christmas spirit, with some help from (Saint) Nikolas. Molly urges Ric to go see Elizabeth, and he picks the perfect time to show up at her house: Jason has just stopped her under origami mistletoe (thanks a lot, Cameron) and declared his affection for her. Elizabeth has told him that she cares about him, too, and is ready to see what develops. Fortunately, Ric's return makes her want to get back together with him. Maxie gets her long-awaited visit with Lil' Georgie (and Spinelli). Though Nathan keeps insisting to Maxie that he didn't have anything to do with her visit with Lil' Georgie, he actually turned to Obrecht for help. She threatened to fire Monica if Monica didn't talk to Walters about his harshness in court. Apparently Walters had a daughter who broke all the rules and wound up dead in a DUI accident, and now he hates all women who aren't responsible? Or something? Monica's like, "Screw you, all my kids are dead. Don't take it out on Maxie." Patrick gives Sam a keychain to commemorate their trip to Amsterdam and hold any more silly-putty keys she might make in the future. Unlike a certain other non-couple, they do kiss under mistletoe. Alexis and Julian talk about Ric and the mob and all that stuff for the zillionth time, only to come to the same conclusion that they can't be together.

It only took 18 years for someone to get Nik to play St. Nick.

Krampus is the new chupacabra.

I've never been so happy to see Jason lose to Ric. Also, I bet Jason had to leave after they met because once he said he was glad Ric was back, he suddenly felt the need to shower. Also also, JASON! COME BACK TO US! Ric is in your home, making small talk with your wife and kid! His picture is over your fireplace! GET ANGRY!

Speaking of angry, Jason and Monica were in the same room and STILL HAVEN'T MET. What's up, writers??

Here's hoping Aiden and Ellie get to have a belated Christmas with other off-canvas characters like Kristina and Mike.

December 26th, 2014

Fog strands Maxie in Portland and prevents her from her and Nathan's big New Year's Eve date. Each finds a way to get to the other, only now Maxie's in Port Charles and Nathan's in Portland. While Epiphany bugs Elizabeth about her new love triangle, Ric plays on Jason's niceness to try to convince him to ditch Elizabeth. It works, and Jason announces that he's going to move out. Jordan has had to hide out since Christmas Eve, but she plans to break her cover and tell T.J. what she's been doing. Anna and Dante have a better idea: get Shawn to convince Duke to hire her so she can go undercover in the Corinthos organization. Jordan resists, thinking the DEA will still have her back. Meanwhile, Fluke sends Julian after her to get revenge on their traitor.

It took exactly two days for Ric to return to his manipulative ways. No matter how much he makes Molly and Elizabeth think he's changed, he's still the same old Ric.

If Epiphany's so concerned with Jason's living arrangements, why doesn't she let him move in with her? Actually, that would be fun.

Thanks also to Epiphany for providing the name of Elizabeth's future biography: Which One of These Men Are You Going to Choose?

I didn't realize you could fly from New York to Oregon (or the opposite) between breakfast and lunch.

"You can't change the weather," Lulu says to the possible Cassadine.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Morgan: "She's my sister." Kiki: "She's mine, too." Morgan: "That part's a little weird"; Spinelli telling Maxie that Ellie took Lil' Georgie to work in her lab
Funniest moment (unintentional): Lil' Georgie not being the least bit interested in anything going on around her
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moments: Maxie and Nathan's early Christmas together; Molly and Ric's reunion
Least believable moment: "I'll go to Pentonville and tell a guy I've never met that he's a father again." Sure, okay, Jason. They're going to have to come up with a better contrivance to get Jason and Sonny in a scene together
Best instance of continuity: Cameron has a talent for origami
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Nathan, Jordan, Shawn, Obrecht (I hate that I have to keep putting her on this list), Monica
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Anna
Dumbest character: Franco, for believing for even a second that Alexis would represent him

The week in a nutshell:

December 29th, 2014

Nathan and Maxie manage to work out a plan, with support from Spinelli and Lulu. Of course, there's another hitch when Maxie can't find Nathan at the airport. Jordan stays alive by telling Julian that she's under Duke's protection. He can't take the chance of starting a gang war, so he lets her go for now. Now her only option to protect herself is to get hired by the Corinthos organization. Sam and Patrick decide to give a relationship a try, and arrange a date for New Year's Eve. Jason tells Elizabeth he's moving out because he doesn't want to make any commitments to the Webbers when he doesn't know his own family situation. She basically says that if Ric hadn't come back, she would have hooked up with Jason. While no one was caring, Frisco became head of the WSB, which is good news for Anna concerning Sloane's investigation into her treatment of Faison. Duke thinks Anna and Sloane are dating, so he asks Lucy to the Metro Court's New Year's Eve party. Fluke confirms that Duke has taken over for Sonny.

Maybe if I go to the airport and hang around long enough, a hot guy will show up to my New Year's Eve date, too.

The thing is, Jordan basically is under the Corinthos organization's protection. Shawn isn't going to let anyone hurt her.

So I guess Frisco's okay. Good to know. Or it would be if I cared.

"Jerome Ric-Rolled." Whoever writes the headlines for Julian's paper provides me with endless hours of entertainment.

December 30th, 2014

It takes them until midnight, but Maxie and Nathan finally end up in the same place at the same time. Carly hires Jason after all, upon learning that he has no job other than shoveling snow and has moved out of his temporary home. This means he has to spend New Year's Eve watching Ric and Elizabeth make out, and trying to ignore the fact that Sam keeps giving him the evil eye. Ned and Julian come very close to beating each other up before Olivia puts them both in time-out. She and Julian are annoyed to see Ned and Alexis together and become default dates. Duke agrees to hire Jordan if she can prove her loyalty. Dante and Lulu eat Maxie and Nathan's dinner, then go home to sleep, which is kind of my ideal New Year's Eve. Nikolas steals Sloane's date, Ivy, so Sloane moves on to Anna. At midnight, a bunch of couples kiss, and most of them are happy about it: Maxie and Nathan, Ric and Elizabeth, Sam and Patrick, Ned and Alexis, Shawn and Jordan, Anna and Sloane, Lucy and Duke, Olivia and Julian, Nikolas and Ivy, and Carly and Jason.

When Carly said, "I want to thank all of you for being here," then paused and looked to the side, I really thought she was going to add, "Not you, Ric."

I can't wait until Carly realizes she encouraged Jason to get together with Elizabeth.

Wait, are Ned and Alexis actually together? I'm so confused.

Why are Anna and Nikolas talking like exes trying to act civil?

They hardly ever give Rebecca Herbst flattering clothes, but today, the wardrobe department gets an A for her dress. Vinessa Antoine wins for best overall look, though.

Speaking of today's wardrobe choices, are blue and silver unofficial New Year's colors? That's all anyone was wearing.

The last scene of 2013 was Sabrina learning she was pregnant, so I'm happy that the last scene of 2014 was Maxie and Nathan finally getting together. It's like the show is saying, "Sorry we ended last year with angst. Here's a happy couple people have been rooting for."

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