December 7th, 2015

Sam confronts Elizabeth for her lies, trying to bluff a confession out of her by saying that Laura confirmed the secret. Elizabeth denies it over and over, taunting that Sam's jealous and will never get Jason back. Jason comes home to hear them screaming at each other, and Sam challenges Elizabeth to tell him what they've been fighting about. Anna and Mac easily piece together about 95% of what happened to Sloane, guessing that he's dead and Paul used his body as a stand-in for Carlos'. Their next two missions are 1) find Carlos and 2) figure out what Paul's been up to over the past 20 years. Paul himself is interested in who broke into Sloane's apartment and used his phone. Sonny hears that Ava met with Raj and blasts her for what sounds like providing assault weapons to terrorists. (Timely!) He warns that she'll either end up in prison or dead, and he's not about to sit by and let Avery's life be put in danger. Julian tells Ava he's not going to ask for details about her new line of work, but she shouldn't underestimate Sonny. Carly tells Jason exactly why Elizabeth is a poor choice for a wife, thinking he's only with her out of obligation and gratitude. She throws his favorite phrase ("take a deep breath and count to ten") in his face and urges him to recognize when he feels most alive – not when he's with Elizabeth, but when he's doing Jason-like things. Sonny complains to Patrick about the slowness of his recovery, leading Patrick to throw a hissy fit about how you can't control everything in life. Epiphany talks him down and encourages him to show Sam how much he loves her. He interprets that as "buy her three dozen roses."

This whole week is just going to be one giant early Christmas present.

Elizabeth should be much more careful about how she talks to Sam. Right now, Sam is the only person standing between her and marrying Jason.

Thank you, show, for mentioning that Paul once had a connection to Faison. Whether that comes into play or not, I think it's significant.

Awww, Epiphany, I'm disappointed. I thought you shipped Jasam.

December 8th, 2015

Sam urges Elizabeth to tell Jason the truth, threatening to spill if she doesn't. Jason doesn't like the way Sam talks to Elizabeth, so he yells at her and kicks her out. Elizabeth assures Jason that Sam's making things up, and won't even tell him what their fight was about. He claims to believe her, but he clearly doesn't. Patrick thinks he and Sam are going to be setting a wedding date tonight, so when she comes home with the news that she confronted Elizabeth, he's pretty unhappy that she hasn't dropped the whole Jason thing. He's not any happier when Jason shows up to find out what Sam says Elizabeth was keeping from him. Maxie tries to talk Lulu out of getting revenge on Valerie, since they're adults now and she needs to think about Rocco. Then Johnny randomly shows up in town and comforts Lulu about the destruction of her marriage. He thinks it stems back to the last time he came back to town, since Dante didn't trust her then either. He offers his help, so Lulu asks him to get rid of Valerie (but not like that). Nathan learns that Dante has a date planned with Valerie and chastises him for risking his career for a rebound relationship. Bobbie also learns of the budding relationship but is pretty sympathetic toward Valerie, since she's been in her position. Dante and Valerie have their date and admit their feelings for each other but decide they should keep things under wraps. Hayden has another dream about Nikolas trying to kill her, and this time she tells him about it. He calls her on saying she had a meeting with ELQ's HR person when he knows she didn't. She tells him she was really meeting with a consultant to go over ways to downsize the company. Nikolas is curious about Hayden's past, so she tells him that she met him just after going through a nasty divorce, and she used to work on Wall Street. She pretends her dream was a metaphor for her hesitance to let herself be vulnerable with him. Maxie and Nathan have been too busy to spend much time together recently, so they have a very cute date at the PCPD.

What is this, Men Sam Loves Get Uncharacteristically Mad at Her Day? (Speaking of which, I really appreciate Jason apologizing to her for the way he talked to her. It was a nice little moment.)

Patrick knows you can't file for divorce, sign papers, and get everything finalized all in one day, right?

Johnny Z. is the reason for the season, y'all.

The difference between Maxie from five years ago and Maxie now is unbelievable.

I assume Hayden's ex-husband will turn out to be someone we know?

December 9th, 2015

Sam gives Jason all the pieces she put together to figure out that Elizabeth knew his identity. He'd rather have definitive proof, but Sam thinks it's enough. Jason finally asks Elizabeth straight out if she lied, getting more and more suspicious when she dodges the question. He eventually threatens to walk out if she doesn't answer the question. She admits that she knew, so he's probably going to walk out anyway. Sabrina can empathize with Patrick, having been in his position, and she urges him to decide whether he should fight for his relationship with Sam. Patrick points out that the choice isn't up to him. But when he gets home, he's pretty much already made his decision. After Sam tells him that she filled Jason in, Patrick says that he knows she wants to be with Jason, so the two of them are over. Johnny asks Lulu to let him stay on the Haunted Star, which she okays, and money, which she'll have to work on. He hides when Dillon shows up to make sure he hasn't destroyed his and Lulu's friendship. He also shares his plans to move back to California, though he doesn't have a departure date yet. Johnny accidentally breaks something, alerting Dillon to his presence. Olivia lectures Dante on not fighting for his marriage and choosing to rebound with Valerie instead. She doesn't realize that Valerie's listening in, having planned to spend the night there. After Olivia leaves, Dante goes to get some medicine for Rocco, and of course Olivia returns and finds Rocco with Valerie. Michael tells Felix that he's worried about Sabrina, since she's bigger than she should be at this stage in her pregnancy. Felix warns Sabrina that Michael's eager to talk to Dr. Lee about his fears, so she should come clean already. Instead, Sabrina just agrees to an appointment with Dr. Lee and Michael.

When has Sam ever used the phrase "ride or die"? Shut up, Elizabeth. (I mean, she is ride or die, but that's beside the point.)

Three people have now told Jason to trust his instincts, so maybe he'll start doing that more often.

Did Sam really think Elizabeth was going to voluntarily tell Jason the truth? Why would she? If he hadn't basically forced her, she probably would have taken that secret to the grave.

Dillon, stop talking about leaving and just leave already.

There's a rose shortage? Has Felix checked Sam and Patrick's house?

December 10th, 2015

Jason lists off everything Elizabeth and Nikolas' lies have led to, ignoring all of Elizabeth's whining that she just wanted to be with him and have the chance to hold on to him. She wants another chance, but Jason is completely done. With Helena dead (and apparently it's for real), Robin's captivity is now being overseen by everyone's favorite terrorist. He has no more use for her, though, and plans to kill her. Robin barely manages to get a stay of execution – she has 48 hours to finish developing a drug that will apparently grant immortality. Sam asks Patrick for more time to figure things out, but he thinks it's best for the kids if they make a clean break now. Emma returns early from a sleepover, excited to find out when they're getting married. Sam and Patrick proceed to step on her heart and destroy her life, leaving no dry eyes on the Drake house. Emma's so upset that she wants to talk to Robin, who she begs to come home. Robin can't, of course, but Patrick tells Emma that he'll go get her. Lulu begs Dillon not to say anything about Johnny's visit, reminding him that he owes her one for outing Dante and Valerie's affair. Dillon reluctantly gives in because Johnny promises that no one will get hurt. Lulu decides to follow through on that and call off their plan to get rid of Valerie. But when Olivia comes by to tell her about seeing Valerie at the loft, Lulu changes her mind. Olivia has a lot of harsh words about Dante giving up on his marriage and how she thinks Valerie is trying to take Lulu's place. Dante accuses her of taking things personally because Sonny cheated on her. Though he stands up to his mother, he's starting to realize that his life is kind of falling apart.

Jason and Elizabeth are over! Jerry's back! Johnny's here! Merry Christmas to all of us!

Those Jason/Elizabeth scenes were pretty much exactly what I wanted. I think he mentioned everything I hoped he would about how she screwed up. The only thing that would have made them better is if the episode had ended with him going to the penthouse.

Never again will I doubt my ability to recognize Sebastian Roché's voice.

Brooklyn Silzer deserves, like, 100 Christmas presents. Big ones.

December 11th, 2015

Jason and Sonny bond over hitting things at the gym, and Jason tells him what went down with Elizabeth. Sonny tells him that he and Carly have had a lot of fights and lied to each other a lot, but they always come back together because they'd rather forgive than be apart. However, Sonny knows that Jason may not be able to forgive the pain Elizabeth put his loved ones through. Carly's relieved to hear about the fallout, and she thinks that since Jason confided in Sonny, he's coming back to them. Meanwhile, Jason goes back to Elizabeth's, and here's hoping he's just getting his things and saying goodbye to the boys. Sam asks to spend the holidays with her parents, now that her engagement is over and she doesn't know what to do with herself. Alexis and Julian are both worried that she and Jason will get back together and Sam will be back to living a mob life. She claims that's not going to happen. Carly bugs Morgan about his health, which he claims is fine, though he admits to Kiki that he feels weird. There's a lot of talk about his medication, and how he's supposedly taking it, but when Darby summons him, he leaves without taking it. Curtis has retried the bullet from the garage, but he'll need Shawn's gun (which is at the PCPD) to compare ballistics before he can confirm where it came from. Nikolas spots him and Hayden talking. Ava wants to make up with Kiki, who really doesn't want to have this conversation again. Carly tries to throw her out of the Metro Court, so Ava threatens to withhold visitations with Avery. Elizabeth tells Nikolas that their conspiracy is over, warning him that Jason may come after him. Nikolas tells her to block out what everyone will inevitably have to say about her, since she doesn't owe them any answers.

Sonny had me worried when he started talking about forgiveness and stuff, so I'm glad he turned that around at the end.

I can't believe Carly let Jason walk out after he said she was right, instead of demanding that he elaborate.

I never realized how much Ava and Elizabeth have in common. They both want to be forgiven just on principle, not because they've worked to earn forgiveness.

Why are so many people at the Floating Rib at breakfast time?

Scorecard:
Back in town: Johnny Zacchara
Broke up: Patrick Drake and Sam Morgan, Jason Morgan and Elizabeth Webber

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Nathan saying random stuff in French because Maxie finds it hot; Dillon: "You realize this is emotional blackmail." Lulu: "Pretty much. Is it working?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Dillon sprinting behind the bar to catch Johnny
Saddest moment: Emma crying her heart out
Sweetest/cutest moment: Nathan and Maxie's adorableness
Least believable moment: Johnny should be a little more worried about getting arrested
Best instance of continuity: Mac and Anna's recollections of Paul's history in Port Charles
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Sam
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Sam
Dumbest character: Dante, mostly on principle

The week in a nutshell:

• Sam's insistence that Elizabeth knew his identity before the wedding led Jason to finally confront her. Elizabeth finally came clean, and Jason was unable to overlook her lies to stay with her. Despite encouragement from Epiphany and Sabrina, Patrick decided Sam would never choose him, so they're done, too. Somehow, Emma was the most upset. Jason discussed things with Sonny, who guessed that that relationship is over for good.
• Stuck with Jerry again, Robin fought for her life by attempting to produce a cure for death. (I'm totally serious.)
• Lulu went back and forth on getting revenge on Valerie, finally settling on letting a returned Johnny get her out of town.
• Curtis made a big step in proving that Shawn didn't shoot Hayden, but his next step will require getting Shawn's gun from the PCPD.
• Admonishment from Olivia and Nathan made Dante wonder if being with Valerie is a good idea.
• Michael worried about Sabrina's pregnancy, so Felix urged her to tell him the truth.
• Anna decided that Sloane may be dead. She and Mac agreed that they need to find Carlos and look into Paul's past.
• Morgan's medication compliance was lacking.
• Sonny warned Ava not to put Avery in danger with her new business venture.
• Ava couldn't understand why Kiki wouldn't just forgive her for no reason.

December 14th, 2015

Jason's only back at the house to get his things and discuss what he and Elizabeth should tell the boys about their defunct relationship. Elizabeth seems to really think that they can work things out, because she loves him and stuff. Jason makes it clear that he can't get past her lies no matter how much he loves her. Elizabeth takes out her anger on Diane, bitter because everyone has always been against her, and the cool girls are getting what they want. Nikolas tells Hayden that the truth is out, so Jason might come to the reasonable conclusion that she knew his identity before he did. Hayden panics over the thought of going to jail or being a target for the Quartermaines or the mob. Nikolas is the one who should be worried, though, as Jason hits him and vows to come after him. Jordan tells Dante that sometimes relationships end and you just have to accept that and leave the past in the past. Dante's like, "We're not talking about me anymore, are we?" Jordan also warns Valerie not to break any rules and jeopardize her spot in the police academy. Hayden tells Nikolas that Curtis is an interior designer, and she's looking to redecorate at ELQ. The fake interior designer gets access to the PCPD's evidence room and nabs Shawn's gun before running into Jordan, who he definitely has history with. Johnny uses the PCPD's website to track down Valerie while Lulu lets Dante believe she's trying to move on and leave her anger in the past. Monica and Paul make a fundraising deal for the Nutcracker Gala: For every gun turned in (with the promise of amnesty for the owner), Monica will donate $1,000 to Toys for Tots. Paul's also going to be the keynote speaker, because Tracy thinks he's awesome. Monica warns her that she's fooling herself and is only going to get hurt.

Elizabeth's going the right way for a breakdown, so that'll be fun. Wait, not fun. Unbearable.

Hayden should start telling Nikolas that all of her secret errands have to do with a surprise Christmas present.

How long till Jordan and Curtis end up in bed together? I say by Valentine's Day.

Monica, making things interesting! It would be funny if, after collecting all those guns, Paul turned around and sold them.

December 15th, 2015

Laura worries that Lulu's going to seek revenge on Valerie. Meanwhile, Johnny is apparently doing just that, though it involves coming to Valerie's rescue when she has car trouble (which he seems to have caused) and learning where she's vulnerable. Carly really wants to talk to Jason, but she settles for laying into Elizabeth for what she did to Jason. Elizabeth complains about her boys getting hurt, and Carly points out that that's her own fault. The two of them fight in the art-therapy room, where Franco overhears and expresses his sympathy for Elizabeth. He adds that she did him a favor – if Jason ever gets his memory back, Franco's probably a dead man. Dante asks Sonny if he knows anything about an arms dealer hanging out in town. Sonny keeps quiet and resists Dante's suggestions that he leave the business. Then they talk about Dante's marriage and Sonny gives him advice, because that's what he does now. Franco makes some comments about Julian that raise Nina's suspicions about his motives for hiring her. Julian admits that he's running out the clock on the magazine, so it didn't matter who he put in charge. When Maxie asks Nina to hire Dillon as a photographer, Nina agrees, pretending that Julian supports their efforts to turn things around. Olivia interrupts a lunch date between Alexis and Julian, so Alexis tries to talk to her about boundaries. Olivia doesn't know what those are. Also, Julian has already invited her to spend Christmas with them but hasn't bothered to tell Alexis.

Johnny's so charming, it's actually uncomfortable to watch.

Those Elizabeth/Franco scenes were oddly entertaining. I don't think she'd spend more than 30 seconds with the guy who once kidnapped her son, though.

No, seriously, when did Sonny become everyone's relationship advisor?

This is Olivia's plot? Being annoying? I don't like it.

December 16th, 2015

Patrick and Emma head to Paris and leave a note for Robin at the antique shop located at what's supposed to be her home address. The shopkeeper visits to tell them that they've confused the address with one in another part of the city. Emma notes that her necklace looks like a lapel pin Spencer has with the Cassadine crest on it. Patrick quickly figures out that Robin may never have been in Paris, and the Cassadines may be involved. Robin's close to some sort of weird cyber-immortality thing that is honestly too weird even for this show. Jerry's displeased with her lack of progress on his timetable and orders a guard to kill her. Kelly figures out from an appointment with Michael and Sabrina that Sabrina hasn't been honest about the baby's paternity. Michael confides in Sonny that he thinks Sabrina is keeping something from him. Sonny thinks she's just acting strangely because she's pregnant. Anna wants Mac to stop helping her with her investigation, but he wants to keep working with her. They learn that there's a blood sample of the body pulled from the harbor, and since Mac snagged Sloane's toothbrush, they'll be able to compare their DNA. Carly and Kiki both bug Morgan about taking his medication, angering him. Paul gives Carlos money to make him go away, warning him not to try to claim Sabrina's baby. Ava tries to guilt Kiki into spending Christmas with her and Avery. When Carly tries to the same tactic on behalf of the Corinthoses, Ava refuses. Tracy and Paul kiss, but it shakes her up.

Patrick's winning back a ton of points with me.

What's funny is that if Britt were still around, Sabrina wouldn't be running into so many bumps trying to fool Michael.

Of course Mac took Sloane's toothbrush. That's totally normal behavior.

Carly should get Kristina to negotiate with Ava. She handled the situation at Thanksgiving perfectly.

December 17th, 2015

Patrick and Anna meet up on Cassadine Island, where they're joined by Robert. Jerry finds out they're there and pushes the only friendly guard, Manrico, to kill Robin before her parents can get to her. Robin recognizes Manrico's name as that of a troubadour from Il Trovatore and asks him to live up to his heroic namesake. Manrico allows her to call Patrick and say goodbye, letting him and her parents know that she doesn't have much time left. They storm the island but only find Jerry, who tells them Robin's already dead. Sam's surprised to learn that Patrick has taken a leave of absence from the hospital. Elizabeth blasts her for ruining everyone's lives by having the audacity to tell Jason the truth about himself. She adds that Patrick might have taken Emma to see Robin and get back together with her. Jason's unsure of where his life goes from here, so Carly advises him again to trust his instincts. She also convinces him to go to the Nutcracker Gala by promising that he and Sonny can complain to each other all night. Franco urges Elizabeth to go to the gala with him, which is really weird for so many reasons. She accepts, which is even weirder. Then she, Jason, and Sam all see each other at the same time. Kristina's back yet again and trying to keep Alexis from finding out that she's in some kind of trouble at school. Dillon and Maxie mark the anniversary of Georgie's death, and he gives her a rubbing of Georgie's headstone.

All I want for Christmas is for Elizabeth to SHUT UP. I'm not the least bit surprised she's blaming Sam for ruining her plans. She doesn't think she did anything wrong!

Also, am I the only person who remembers that Franco once kidnapped Aiden? Elizabeth would never voluntarily spend time with him.

What was the point of the Maxie/Dillon stuff?

Can Kristina just stay? This back-and-forth is getting annoying.

December 18th, 2015

Stupid preemption.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Elizabeth realizing how awful it is that Franco doesn't think she did anything that bad
Funniest moment (unintentional): Carly saying the gala will be "drama-free"
Saddest moment: Robin's tearful goodbye phone call with Patrick
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: The whole Elizabeth/Franco thing
Best instance of continuity: Someone finally mentioned Paul's daughter, Susan
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest characters: Emma, for recognizing the shopkeeper's necklace; Patrick, for figuring out the significance of that
Dumbest character: Elizabeth

The week in a nutshell:

• Unable to find Robin in Paris, Patrick figured out, based off of a tip from Emma, that she was in danger. As he, Anna, and Robert assembled in Greece to rescue her, Jerry planned to have her killed.
• Jason and Elizabeth were definitely over, but he wasn't sure about what happens next. Elizabeth chose to be angry with people who definitely weren't responsible for her actions, like Sam. Franco expressed sympathy for Elizabeth, since he's been the town pariah before.
• Johnny put some sort of plan involving Valerie into motion.
• Curtis managed to get his hands on Shawn's gun just before running into Jordan, who he knows from...somewhere.
• Kristina did something at school that got her in trouble, and she doesn't want Alexis to find out about it.
• Maxie and Dillon talked about Georgie on the anniversary of her death.
• Kelly urged Sabrina to tell Michael the truth about the baby's paternity. Meanwhile, Paul paid Carlos to leave town and NOT tell the truth about the baby's paternity.
• Everyone had an opinion about Lulu and Dante's marriage.
• Paul and Tracy kissed.
• Alexis asked Olivia to be more mindful of her relationship with Julian.
• Anna and Mac planned to find out if Sloane's body was the one Paul pretended was Carlos'.
• Ava used emotional blackmail to get Kiki to spend Christmas with her, then ignored Carly's attempts to use it.
• Morgan was grumpy.

December 21st, 2015

Jerry shows Patrick, Robert, and Anna a picture of a seemingly dead Robin, claiming that she was killed on Helena's orders. He pretends he just got to the island and wasn't involved in what happened. Anna and Robert attempt to get the upper hand on him and his men, and there's a lot of drawing of guns and running around while Patrick looks for Robin. Julian tells Sam, Kristina, and Molly that he wants to propose to Alexis, and he'd like their approval. Sam and Kristina give it easily, and though Molly hesitates, she also gives the okay. Alexis happily accepts the proposal, so it looks like Maxie will have another wedding to plan. Monica sees Sabrina's sonogram and tells Michael that she didn't realize the baby was due so soon. While Michael gets more and more suspicious, Carlos sneaks into the gala, dressed as Santa, to tell Sabrina again that he wants to be a family with her and the baby. Elizabeth gets drunk and tries to get Jason mad at Laura for being part of the conspiracy against him. Jason, by the way, doesn't seem to have any animosity against Laura, possibly because she's genuinely sorry about keeping the truth from him. Sam and Jason run into each other on a terrace and he apologizes for calling her a liar when she first told him that Elizabeth had lied. He confirms that he'd rather know the truth than continue living with a liar. Jason notices that Sam's engagement ring is gone, and she tells him that she and Patrick are done because she doesn't love him as much as she loves Jason. Sonny skips the gala, not wanting to be around people when he's not at his best. Kristina ducks out early so they can spend some time together. Paul juggles his two girlfriends. Obrecht and Nina make peace.

Jerry has a briefcase. That's never good.

Molly's okay with Alexis and Julian getting married! It's a Christmas miracle!

Ew, stop it, Paul and Ava. I eat while I watch this show.

"Hey, we need another 60 seconds of show." "Let's have Obrecht and Nina be nice to each other." "Yeah! That's great TV!"

Y'all don't have to applaud every sentence spoken, you know.

December 22nd, 2015

Patrick finds Robin's apparently dead body and beats himself up for not reconnecting with her before it was too late. He kisses her, and – Christmas miracle! – she awakens. She explains that, with Manrico's help, she faked her own death to trick Jerry. As Jerry is arrested, still believing the lie, Robin reunites with her parents. She's upset that she can't be with Patrick, so she's relieved to hear the good news that he and Sam are over. Jason and Nikolas have another run-in, and it seems as if Nikolas is looking for a fight. He tells Jason that he should be grateful, since his lies allowed Jason to be happy. Punches are thrown, and somehow, Nikolas goes over a balcony. Michael asks Sabrina straight out if he's the baby's father, and she tells him he's not. Using basic math and memory skills, Michael's able to figure out that the baby is Carlos'. Sabrina begs him to keep their family intact anyway, but Michael walks away. Sam and Jason discuss where things stand with them, and though they're not sure what the future holds, they agree that they're somewhere beyond just being friends. Later, Carly, who has laid into Elizabeth again and told her to take off her engagement ring, encourages Sam to fight for the relationship. Dillon tells Tracy that Paul was planning to go to a hotel room, making her think that he wants to surprise her with a night of romance. Imagine her shock when she gets an eyeful of him and Ava going at it. Paul tries to appease her with jewelry, but Tracy would rather spread the word that the DA is sleeping with a murderer. Paul assures Ava that he'll take care of things.

Aww, I'm not mad at Patrick anymore. But I'll be mad at the writers if, after all this, he and Robin don't get a happy ending.

I give it a week before Jerry breaks out of prison (if he makes it there at all).

Here's hoping Nikolas suffers a personality-altering head injury.

Thank you, Sabrina, for telling the truth. A lot of people on this show could take a lesson from you. That said, I don't blame Michael for walking away. And now he and Jason have something else in common.

I'm pretty sure Paul is a sociopath. Discuss.

Uh...who did Jordan think Alexis was engaged to?

December 23rd, 2015

Nikolas survives the fall, and Elizabeth saves him from bleeding to death, so at least Jason can't be arrested for murder. He can be arrested for other things, though, especially because he won't say anything without a lawyer, and because Hayden claims that he attacked Nikolas without provocation. Jordan tries to keep the peace as Hayden tells the same story over and over, Carly defends Jason, and Laura barely keeps herself from attacking her son's attacker. Lulu asks Johnny what he has planned for Valerie, but he still won't tell her. He has someone spying on her, so he's able to approach her when he knows she's alone in the park. After some endearing chatting, "Greg" asks Valerie if she can break a $50 bill so he can give some money to a church. His associate takes pictures as the money exchanges hands. Sam and Sonny kill time by discussing Jason. The only interesting part of the conversation is when Sam says that if anything happens to Nikolas, Jason will be blamed. When Carly calls Sam to the hospital to see Jason, she catches Elizabeth hugging him. Dante comforts Lulu over Nikolas' condition, and she doesn't seem to mind. Laura thinks Lulu's using the Haunted Star for revenge sex. I would rather let Jason push me off a building than watch Valerie and Dante discuss their relationship.

I could watch Nikolas fall off a building all day.

Amazingly, Elizabeth did something admirable today, aside from saving Nikolas: When everyone was fighting in the ER, she kept her mouth shut about who might or might not have done anything. It's the smartest thing she's done in a long time.

Hayden's pretty concerned about Nikolas considering she's trying to ruin him.

Lucas makes a good authority figure. Future chief of staff?

I enjoy Laura not taking any of Hayden's crap.

My guess is that Johnny's setting Valerie up to be seen as if she's taking a payout from a mobster. 'Bye-'bye, police academy!

December 24th, 2015

In Paris, Emma's thrilled to have all her Christmas wishes come true – Robin's back, she's never leaving again, and they and Patrick get to be a family again. There's a question of whether Patrick and Robin will be able to reconcile, but Patrick makes it clear that he has no animosity toward Robin, and never stopped loving her. Sonny pulls strings to get Jason arraigned on Christmas Eve in hopes of getting him out on bail. Somehow, the plan is successful, and Jason's able to spend time with both of his kids. Cameron, Jake, and Aiden are sad that Jason won't be moving back in, but he assures them that he'll still be in their lives. Kristina finds Sam's long-lost star necklace, which Jason later remembers giving her. Nathan arranges for a surprise visit from Georgie, Damian, and Ellie, turning Maxie's lonely Christmas into a fantastic one. Kiki starts to soften towards Ava, whose heart must have grown three sizes because she lets Kiki take Avery to see Sonny. Lulu and Dante are sad to be apart on their anniversary. Sam wants to know what's going on with Kristina, who remains mum. Michael tells his brothers that Sabrina's baby isn't is but decides not to tell his parents yet.

I DID NOT TEAR UP WHEN ROBIN AND EMMA REUNITED. YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH.

Robert's "been chased by bad guys on seven continents"? Even Antarctica? Were they penguins?

God bless you, Kristina, for finding the star necklace.

God bless you, too, Kiki. I was hoping that would happen.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Jerry Jacks, Jason Morgan
Back in town: Damian Spinelli, Georgie Spinelli, Ellie Trout
Engaged: Alexis Davis and Julian Jerome
Hospitalized: Nikolas Cassadine

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Michael: "We used to hear sleigh bells on the--." Morgan: "That was Max"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Obrecht, who once shot a woman for no reason, applauding the gun-amnesty program
Saddest moment: Patrick thinking Robin was dead
Sweetest/cutest moments: Too many to count, but: Rocco’s picture-taking face; Georgie with her magic wand
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instances of continuity: Alexis' cross-dressing days; the star necklace; Dante and Lulu's anniversary
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Manrico; Elizabeth, as much as I hate to admit it, and even though she saved Nikolas
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Robin
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

• Robin faked her death to fool Jerry, then happily reunited with Patrick, Robert, Anna, and Emma.
• A fight between Jason and Nikolas led to Nikolas falling off a terrace at the Metro Court. Hayden, the only witness, lied that Jason attacked Nikolas without being provoked, so Jason was arrested. He was out in time for his first Christmas as a father, and had a small memory of giving Sam her famous star necklace.
• After a chat with Monica about how far along the baby is, Michael grew suspicious and confronted Sabrina. She finally confessed to him that the baby isn't his.
• Maxie got to spend Christmas with Georgie.
• Thanks to Kiki, all the Corinthos kids got to spend Christmas together for the first time.
• Tracy caught Paul and Ava together.
• Julian and Alexis got engaged.
• Johnny set Valerie up for...something.
• Sam and Jason talked about where they stand and came away positive, even though they don't know what will happen next.

December 28th, 2015

Robin learns what happened between Elizabeth and Jason, but she's somehow sympathetic toward Elizabeth, like, seriously, please don't give her any kind of positive reinforcement. Then Robin and Jason run into each other on the bridge (of course the bridge). Sam is surprised to see Robin in town, and modest when Patrick credits her with leading him to rescue Robin. He tells her that, just as she's not over Jason, he's not over Robin. Sam is happy that the two of them are getting another chance, though not sure if the same will hold true for her and Jason. The exes acknowledge that even though their relationship didn't work out, it was meaningful and they're grateful to have had each other. Elizabeth begs Nikolas to tell the police that his fall was accidental so Jason doesn't go to jail. Nikolas tells Hayden that he's considering it because it could work to their advantage. Spinelli tells Jason a few of the positive things about him, since he can only focus on the negative. Michael can't get past Sabrina's lies, so it looks like they're done. Sabrina asks him to help raise the baby anyway, but that's not going to happen. Mac and Anna have pretty much figured everything out about Sloane, Carlos, and Paul. Paul tries to charm Tracy into forgiving him, but she won't fall for it. She tells him she won't reveal his affair with Ava, but she's going to find another way to get revenge.

Robin to Elizabeth: "Why did you do that?" SERIOUSLY.

I can't believe I'm on Elizabeth's side over Hayden's. What's the opposite of a Christmas miracle?

Danny is "boisterous and ebullient"? Is Spinelli thinking of a different Danny?

Hey, Sabrina, you don't get to be a brat because Michael's hurt and won't forgive you. Take it down a notch.

December 29th, 2015

Robin tells Jason more about his past, focusing on how they've saved each other. He likes that she treats him differently than others do, as if she's not pressuring him to be someone he isn't. She tells him how they used to be the boy with no past and the girl with no future; now he has no past again, but she does have a future. After she leaves, Jason remembers her telling him that she has hope for his future. Maxie thinks Patrick should recommit to Robin so they don't lose any more time together. As Nikolas gives Dante a statement about his fall, which we don't get to hear, Hayden gets a call from Curtis, who's been able to confirm that the bullet in the garage was from Shawn's gun. Hayden tells him to hold on to his proof for the time being. Sonny criticizes Dante for just accepting that his marriage is over when he clearly doesn't want it to be. A brief conversation with Valerie quickly turns into a breakup, as she decides she's ready to bow out. Lulu and Johnny have the same conversations they've been having, with the only new development being that he totally wants her back. Just after Morgan tells Kiki that he wants to do something meaningful with his life, he overhears Sonny and Max talking about Raj and a shipment arriving that night. Jordan, who's interested in a cop from another department, runs into Curtis, who I'm 99 percent sure she's going to wind up with instead. Also, Curtis used to be a cop. Dillon lays into Paul for hurting Tracy, then beats himself up for trusting his father.

They jammed a lot of storylines into this episode when it really should have had a lot more Robin and Jason.

Excuse me, no, Jason and Robin didn't break up because of the mob. It was because she told A.J. he was Michael's father. Why do they insist on retconning that? Oh, right, because they don't want Robin to be a bad guy.

Want to feel old? Stone died 20 years ago last month.

So all of a sudden, Dante and Valerie are over? What was the final straw for her? How weird. Also, since they wasted the opportunity for her to end up pregnant before, I predict that Dante and Lulu will agree to start over just as Valerie learns she's knocked up.

Oh, Morgan, no! Things were going so well! Well, okay, not really, but still!

December 30th, 2015

Patrick and Robin propose to each other, get reengaged, and ring in the new year in bed together. Michael and Dante take Jason to the Floating Rib for New Year's Eve, because this show wants everyone to watch football really, really badly. Sam and Jason end up playing pool, just like old times, and come close to kissing at midnight. At the stroke of midnight, Sonny moves his leg, so that plot will probably end quickly. Morgan blows off Darby to check out one of Raj's shipments, but he doesn't accomplish much before Dante finds him. Nina asks Curtis to do a photo shoot, but he backs out when he recognizes her jealous boyfriend. Curtis knows all about Franco and isn't going to let him get away with anything. Not that Franco's thinking about that, since he's ready to seal the deal with Nina in the bedroom. Johnny hides in plain sight at the Haunted Star's party, but retreats when he hears Curtis talking about his days as a cop. At midnight, he plants a kiss on Lulu, who kisses back. Kristina confides in Morgan that there was an "incident" at school. Later, she gets tipsy and bugs Jason about his relationship with Sam. Dillon and Valerie are boring, then boring some more, then kiss, then decide to just be friends, boringly.

That was the world's slowest countdown. But I expect nothing less from this show, considering how long they drag out plots.

They must think there's a lot of overlap in the audiences of soaps and football games.

I was so hopeful for a Sam/Jason kiss at midnight, but no. Story of my life. Though this time last year, she hated him, so...progress.

I wouldn't say this about just anyone, but dang, that scruff is really working for Curtis.

I really can't stress enough how boring Dillon and Valerie are together. Even more boring than Nina and Franco.

Scorecard:
Back in town: Robin Scorpio
Broke up: Michael Corinthos and Sabrina Santiago
Engaged (again): Patrick Drake and Robin Scorpio

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Johnny's "and that's my cue to leave" face when he heard that Curtis was a cop
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sam and Jason
Least believable moment: Dillon suggesting that he and Valerie go to the Haunted Star
Best instance of continuity: Mac once locked Patrick and Robin in an interrogation room to force them to talk
Worst instance of continuity: Elizabeth is confused about when the Nutcracker Gala took place
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Michael, for getting the heck out of that mess with Sabrina
Dumbest character: Morgan

Back to the main page