General Hospital blog - February, 2012
February 1st, 2012
Just when Sam's starting to relax, Kelly sets up a meeting for the next night to share the paternity-test results. Molly diagnoses TJ with a reading disability and appoints herself his fixer. Maxie thinks her make-Matt-jealous plan is a success, but he's more jealous of the time Elizabeth's been spending with Ewen. When his plans with a patient fall through, Matt ignores Maxie and invites Elizabeth to dinner. Sonny wants to donate a wing to the hospital in Dante's name. Dante would rather have a non-mobster father. Ewen helps Elizabeth with some Jason-related angst, then invites her to an art exhibit. Sonny has Kate followed. Michael helps out at ELQ, and Edward announces that he wants him to come back. Mac wants to distract himself from Maxie's life by hanging out with Alexis, which spooks her. Lulu comes close to asking Kate for her job back but changes her mind. Ewen thinks the attacker is continuing acts he committed before coming to town.
No, writers, Molly needs a friend, not a pet project!
Dear Matt, please shave.
Ewen is so much less annoying when he's not around Cassandra. That can't be a coincidence.
Are we going to do an ELQ story? I don't think I can get behind that.
February 2nd, 2012
Sonny follows Kate to Chicago, where she tries her hardest to distract him from the fact that she lied about where she was going. She decides to tell him the truth, starting with the fact that she's there to see a guy. Steven wants to tell Olivia what happened in Memphis, even though that'll make her an accomplice, since the case apparently isn't closed. Olivia catches Carly and Johnny making out and lectures Johnny on playing with fire. Carly winds up at Kelly's with Shawn, who asks her out, though she doesn't say yes (yet). Diane diagnoses Alexis with menopause, but she thinks it's a great thing since now Alexis can have sex without fear of getting pregnant. Delores, Dante, and Lulu hang out at Jake's, and the two women patch up their early difficulties. Lulu also learns of a job opening as a file clerk at the PCPD. Delores leaves early, but someone's following her. Mac learns about Robin's health through an accidental eavesdropping. Patrick tries to get Robin to act as if the end isn't near.
We know Kate went to see a guy! THAT'S NOT A CLIFFHANGER!
Shawn, you shouldn't be asking Carly if she's ready to date you - you should be asking yourself if you're ready to handle her crazy.
Whenever things get boring, they should just insert a clip of Diane doing her little "it's menopause!" dance. I had a horrible day, and that made it a ton better.
LEAVE DELORES ALONE, RONNIE. Um, or whoever you are. (But you're totally Ronnie, right?)
February 3rd, 2012
Sam and Jason have to wait all day, but Kelly eventually makes a house call to give them the paternity-test results. Delores' attacker (who, by the way, has dark hair) knocks her out and takes off. Dante and Lulu find her but no one is able to ID the attacker. Dante suspects that he targeted Delores because he knows she's looking for him. Kate tells Sonny she's seeing a psychiatrist, then ditches him in the middle of the night. Ethan tells Cassandra he's falling in love with her, which she objects to, since he doesn't really know who he's falling in love with. Ethan gets called to the Haunted Star, seemingly by Luke, and while he's gone, Helena reveals herself to Cassandra. Maggie tries to cover for Steven by telling Olivia that she was trying to get back together with him and he rejected her. Olivia's still upset that she and Steven haven't defined their relationship yet. Diane calls for another round of strip pool, but only succeeds in getting Mac drunk. Olivia doesn't trust Delores, but her judgment is all screwed up right now, so whatever.
I don't get why Kelly couldn't give the test results over the phone, but I clearly don't know how to drag out a plot point.
Not that I want Ewen to have any extra screen time, but Kate does know there are psychiatrists in Port Charles, right?
Go for the jugular, Helena!
Writers, you are ruining Olivia! You make me sad.
Hee, I love Mac in his skivvies but still wearing his badge. (Also, nice muscles, John J. York.)
Week in review:
February 4th, 2012
Next week: Kate must be a magician, because she can make Carly's face turn different colors.
February 6th, 2012
After dragging it out forever, Kelly tells Sam and Jason that the baby's his. So now they're relieved and happy and not angsty anymore. Kate questions whether Sonny wants to be with her or Connie. She also got some guy's phone number and is being really secretive and annoying. Apparently Helena trained Cassandra to be an assassin, originally to go after Lucky but now to go after Luke. Maxie and Spinelli make out in public to make Matt jealous, but the person who winds up jealous is Maxie, when she finds out Matt and Elizabeth went to dinner together. Also, Elizabeth tells Spinelli that she and Matt are just friends, and she seems more jealous of Ewen and Cassandra than she does of Matt and Maxie. Ethan and Ewen wonder if Cassandra's a Cassadine.
I know a lot of people don't like Jason and Sam together, but when they're all happy and adorable, how can you hate them? Also, Kelly Monaco's little picture-taking gesture cracked me up.
Oh, but writers? Sam's been pregnant before and Jason raised Michael for two years, so I find it hard to believe that a) she knows nothing about babies and b) she thinks Jason knows nothing about babies.
I'm starting to think Kate's the one with bipolar. Or maybe multiple personalities.
I don't even know where to begin on the Cassandra's-an-assassin thing. Helena wanted her to kill Lucky? Lucky had nothing to do with Stavros' death. That was all Luke. And why not go after Lulu? (Not that I'm inviting that or anything.) And why does Cassandra hate Laura? Also, why am I supposed to care?
I hope Maxie and Spinelli were supposed to have seen The Artist, because Jen Lilley's in it.
February 7th, 2012
Michael and Carly make up, but he still doesn't like Shawn. TJ wants to mob up and asks Michael for an in, so Michael tells him prison isn't a place he wants to end up. Sonny tells Kate that he's tracked down Jax but hasn't decided what to do with him yet. Kate informs Carly that she owns the Metro Court. Robin's new medication is working, so I guess that storyline's over. Spinelli asks Johnny to keep an eye on the Anthony/Maxie situation, noticing that Johnny keeps referring to his (grand)father by his first name. Lulu hopes to do some detective work at her new job. Matt and Maxie try to patch things up, but he's still distracted by his interest in Elizabeth and jealousy of Ewen. Johnny flirts with Delores some more, letting her know he knows about her sister's unsolved murder.
I was going to complain about how now they're going to bring Heather back, and they need to stop bringing back old characters unless they're going to include Laura in there, but then I was reminded that Heather is Steven's mother, so that could get REALLY interesting.
I find Michael's hatred of Shawn out of character and pointless. Can they drop that already?
Maybe now people will stop trying to spread the rumor that they're going to kill Robin off.
If Lulu does get to do some detectiving at the PCPD, she could wind up with a job with Sam and Spinelli.
Every time I think I couldn't care less about the Maxie/Matt/Elizabeth/Ewen crap, I prove myself wrong.
February 8th, 2012
Carly is furious that Jax signed over his half of the hotel to Kate, making the two of them partners. Shawn thinks this is another reason for her to sign her divorce papers, but instead, Carly threatens to tell Sonny about Kate's business dealings. Molly contemplates being someone else online. Sam and Jason are all good, except for the morning sickness. Robin wonders about Steven and Maggie's past, which freaks Steven out a little. Diane tells Alexis she slept with Mac, though it might be a ploy to make her jealous. We're probably supposed to feel sorry for Cassandra for being conflicted, but that'll never happen.
If Carly thinks she's having a bad week, wait until she finds out about Sam and Jason's baby.
Should we read anything into the fact that the Shakespearean heroine Molly chose as her alias was married to a black guy?
Writers, if no one cares about a supposed mystery, like the Maggie/Steven thing, stop dragging it out and just give us the answers.
Cassandra's outfit today might not be the ugliest I've ever seen, but it's definitely in the top five.
February 9th, 2012
Sam wants to talk about what-ifs, so Jason tries to distract her. He's also supposedly getting better, but has an episode. Also, THERE'S A PRESENT ON THEIR BALCONY. Kate barely manages to tell Sonny about the hotel deal before Carly can, and he's predictably angry. Also, I'm pretty sure Kate really does have multiple personalities. Robin and Patrick talk about the future. Carly stops Johnny from killing Anthony, then tries to take care of him. Maxie decides to encourage Elizabeth and Ewen's relationship so Matt will be cut out, but she only succeeds in making Ewen think she needs therapy. Elizabeth makes a move on her own, asking Ewen out, but he panics and runs off. Matt overhears Maxie's matchmaking attempts and they finally come to blows, with him ultimately telling her he can't do this anymore. Spinelli asks Anthony to call off the guy he has watching Maxie.
What's the point of having bodyguards at your home if people can still get in and leave you presents that better not involve monkeys or babies.
Kate, does your shrink know about the wedding dress? Because he really should.
I'm impressed that the girl who plays Emma was able to fake-sleep for the whole hour.
Yes! Please, Matt, break up with her! I can't believe you've lasted this long!
February 10th, 2012
Sam accidentally tells Molly about her pregnancy, while Jason has to tell Monica after she finds a parenting magazine in the penthouse. He assures her that he wants her to be involved in the baby's life. Jason finally retrieves the present from the balcony but passes out before he can unwrap it. After a dozen more fights, Matt and Maxie finally break up. Maxie may be getting revenge by telling Monica that Elizabeth stole pills for Lucky. Carly and Johnny inch ever closer to the inevitable. Ewen counsels Elizabeth on dealing with Cameron, then invites her to accompany him to the party for the new hospital wing. Molly's online persona is more popular than she is. Delores thinks Rosa's killer is the attacker, and she's so desperate for answers that she's willing to go to Johnny for help.
Give the crew member who found wrapping paper with ukulele-playing monkeys a raise!
Confidential to Carly: Use protection.
With all the talk about this wing-opening event, there better be a shooting or something. Wait, maybe Molly shouldn't go.
I thought we were already operating under the assumption that the attacker is also the guy who killed Rosa. Maybe today just served to help out the slower members of the audience.
I wonder if Sam's comment about vampires being over was a reference to the stupid vampire plots they had on Port Charles?
Scorecard:
Week in review:
February 11th, 2012
Next week: Happy Valentine's Day! I got you your mother.
February 13th, 2012
Jason's condition is worse, as well as inoperable. He also seems to have forgotten about the present. Michael enrolls in PCU and goes in search of academic counseling, but he'll have to get it from Shawn. Michael then goes to Johnny's to thank him for his previous advice and narrowly misses catching him and Carly making out. Elizabeth accepts Ewen's invitation to the benefit, and minutes later Matt extends the same offer. She actually thinks he and Maxie should be together since Matt kept insisting they were good for each other. She also doesn't want to be Matt's rebound or the reason they broke up. Maxie tells Monica that Elizabeth stole drugs and made Lucky relapse. At first Monica thinks Maxie's full of it, but she agrees to investigate the accusation. Kate tells Sonny she's falling in love with him again, then gets a phone call that puts her on edge.
Four whole days of happiness for Sam and Jason - is that a record?
Reason #4,856 why I love Brandon Barash: his reaction to Michael showing up while he was making out with Carly.
If Michael ever recognizes those shoes on Carly, I will fall on the floor laughing.
Who invited Shawn to the benefit? Isn't Sonny in charge of the guest list? And even if Kate's participating in that, has she even met Shawn?
February 14th, 2012
Robin is thrilled by her Valentine's Day present - a visit from Anna. Jason's anger towards Franco is most likely causing his problems, but Robin thinks she can solve them with medication. Jason tells Sam about the package, which he thinks is a DVD, and she goes home to retrieve it. Carly and Kate take different sides in Sonny and Dante's relationship, but Carly takes things a step further by trying to push Kate's buttons. Elizabeth gets suspended but tries to keep Matt from implicating himself. Matt puts things together and confronts Maxie for ratting on Elizabeth. Dante hates the idea of going to the benefit for Sonny's sake. TJ repays Molly's kindness by throwing a party at her house. Spinelli invites Maxie to the benefit, and she thinks it's to stick it to Matt.
Yay, Anna! Can I give you a list of people I need you to put the smackdown on?
Has Emma gotten cuter since the last time we saw her?
If I were Sam, I'd watch that DVD (though the package looks too big to be a DVD) by myself, because I'm guessing there's nothing on there I would want Jason to see.
So TJ can barely read, but he can type really fast? Yeah, not buying that.
February 15th, 2012
Robin starts out optimistic about curing Jason, then falters when her plan A doesn't work. Patrick tries to get her back to hopeful. Jason tells both Robin and Carly about the baby, and Carly is, surprisingly enough, only happy. Franco's present to Sam and Jason is indeed a DVD, but apparently it's only of a baby. Anthony warns Johnny to be careful with Carly, and Olivia warns him to just be careful in general. Maggie asks a lab tech named Tim to the benefit and succeeds in making Steven jealous. Steven tells her that the investigation into the Memphis death has been reopened. Ethan catches Cassandra in a lie. Maxie and Matt fight some more.
I think we should keep in mind that any scene Robin has with anyone right now is possibly their last together.
"I didn't watch it because you told me not to"? Sam, where's your spine?
Drink any time someone says "Memphis." Or "Claudia." Eh, just get drunk now.
Ethan and Cassandra are so boring that they're giving ME amnesia. Every time I watch a scene with them, I immediately forget about it.
February 16th, 2012
Robin attempts to do lab work that will save Jason, but it's difficult with Carly bashing her, Matt whining, and Maxie being unable to take a hint. Jason realizes the baby on the DVD is him, so of course the next question is how Franco got video footage of him. Jason and Sam tell Spinelli they're having a baby, then hand over the DVD so he can find out where it came from. Dante thinks Sonny's using the benefit as an alibi. Johnny crashes the benefit. Molly is stunned when her house suddenly fills with raucous teenagers. Delores finds Johnny's help less than helpful.
What with everyone coming to her for advice, Robin is the new Jason.
I didn't know this until today, but Heather Webber and Susan Moore were cousins, which means Jason and Steven are related. I wonder if Heather has anything to do with the baby footage...?
Thank you, Johnny, for making a dull situation ten times more interesting just by walking in the room.
Kate, learn to stay out of things.
February 17th, 2012
Maxie begs Robin to go to the benefit with her, not getting that her research is the only thing that could save Jason. Robin kicks her out, but Maxie accidentally turns out some gas as she leaves. Robin continues her research and takes a break before testing her final possible treatment. Patrick heads to the lab to find her and is overcome by the gas. Sonny and Johnny fight, and Sonny wins by telling everyone at the benefit about Johnny's real parentage. Everyone turns on Sonny (of course), and Dante goes so far as to say his father is dead to him. This is a poor choice of words, as someone is about to take a shot at one of them. Jason asks Monica to be Sam and the baby's family if he doesn't make it. Matt asks Elizabeth if she would have accepted his invitation to the benefit if he'd asked before Ewen. She reminds him that she doesn't want to come between him and Maxie. He tells her that Maxie was responsible for her suspension, so when Maxie gets to the benefit, the two women go at it.
So I guess whatever happens, we can blame Maxie.
Why would anyone care about Claudia being Johnny's mother? I bet half the people at the benefit don't even know who Claudia was.
Shouldn't Jason be hooked up to monitors or something? If he has a seizure, no one's going to know.
Elizabeth promising to make Maxie's life miserable made me like her a tiny bit more. But mostly because Maxie was unbearable this week.
Scorecard:
Week in review:
February 18th, 2012
Next week: Oh, you want an Emmy? Is your name Jason Thompson? No? Then TOO BAD.
February 20th, 2012
Robin finds Patrick unconscious in the lab, pulls him out, and revives him. Jason's protocol is still inside, so Robin runs back into to get it, despite Patrick's protests. An alarm sounds and a lock-down sequence goes into effect, giving Patrick little time to get help. Robin passes him the protocol and says what she believes is goodbye. As Patrick hurries off to get help, time counts down, Robin passes out, and the lab explodes. Dante literally turns his back on Sonny, who spots the shooter and tackles Dante to save him. Sonny is shot in the arm and Dante stays to help him, then goes back to the party to get Steven. When they return to Sonny, he's gone. Carly tracks down Johnny and claims she's not trying to save him. He doesn't care about being saved if it means she'll sleep with him. Jason asks Spinelli to take care of Sam and the baby. Oh, and find the $20 million. Overwhelmed by the party, Molly calls Michael for help, then gets distracted by a cute guy and accidentally gets drunk. TJ tries to stop her from going to her bedroom with a guy named Bodie, who tells her that TJ arranged the party. Molly runs off, and when Michael arrives, he finds her passed out. Speaking of drunk, Matt overindulges and seems to remember something about the last time he drank too much (on the party boat). Olivia demands that Steven and Maggie tell her what's going on between them. Maggie blurts out that they're having an affair, but they're interrupted before she can elaborate.
It's nice to know that when there's a crisis in the hospital lab involving toxic chemicals, no one else in the hospital has to be bothered by alarms or flashing lights or anything else that might WARN THEM OF DANGER. Sheesh.
Also, the Robin/Patrick scenes reminded me of two JJ Abrams-related scenes: 1) Vaughn's non-death and 2) "Not Penny's boat" (skip to 2:55).
Usually I like Kelly Sullivan, but man, she was chewing some scenery today.
The question is, will Carly give Johnny an alibi? My guess is yes.
Are we seriously going back to the freaking $20 million? SERIOUSLY?
Maggie, let me stop you right there. Shut up.
February 21st, 2012
Patrick tries but fails to get into the lab. He calls the fire department, but by the time they get in, Robin is dead. (Or is she?) Sonny goes to Johnny's penthouse and threatens to kill him. Carly stops him, but it's Dante who ends up talking him down by playing on how much he wants to be Dante's father. Everyone suspects Johnny or Anthony was the shooter, though Anthony's money is on Kate, who's gone cuckoo bananas (tm Manny Santos). Michael tends to Molly, then calls Alexis. Molly yells at him and ends the call, which just freaks Alexis out. She and Mac rush to the lake house and lay into the teens for throwing the party. TJ starts to take responsibility but Molly lies that it was her idea.
Place your bets: Did they really just killed Robin off? If not, where is she, and whose body is that?
I feel bad for all the actors who wind up going against Jason Thompson at the Emmys next year, 'cause they're not gonna win.
I had to laugh out loud when Sonny asked Carly why she always tries to convince him to do things by mentioning his kids. My mom has the same question.
Brotherly Michael is much better than bitter, wannabe-mobster Michael.
Molly Lansing, you shut your lying mouth.
February 22nd, 2012
Patrick tells Anna about Robin, and neither of them knows what to do. As Anna tries to get a message with Robert, Mac spots her at the hospital and tells her how happy he is to see her. Monica tells Sam that Robin died before she could finish Jason's protocol, but Sam later sees Patrick with it. Sonny wants to go after Anthony, now sure that Johnny's innocent, but Kate tells him she'll leave if she does. Sam thinks hearing about Robin will destroy Jason, so she and Monica agree to keep him in the dark. Shawn questions Molly's guilt, and eventually TJ mans up and confesses to being responsible for the party. He's less concerned about his possible punishment than he is about the fact that Shawn didn’t score with Carly. Johnny thinks Carly is still in love with Sonny. They discuss this for an hour, then flirt some more, then get interrupted by Shawn. Dante's all, "My dad saved my life! He's not so bad after all! Never mind that I almost got killed!" Olivia can tell that something is really, really off with Kate. Maxie would rather check on Matt than go with a depressed Spinelli to check on Jason.
The idea of Mac being so happy and seconds away from getting crushed just kills me.
Sorry, Kate, Sonny don't do ultimatums.
Remember when Jason used to be a human lie-detector? When did that stop?
Maxie and Spinelli's last scene together was weird. It looked like his Spidey sense was tingling and he knew something had happened to Robin.
February 23rd, 2012
Patrick refuses to give Jason the protocol even as Sam begs and points out that both of their children will be left with only one parent. Anna tells Mac about Robin and it is predictably heart-wrenching. He then tells Sonny and goes off on him for getting involved in her life. Sonny is now more determined than ever to protect his loved ones. Johnny reluctantly warns Anthony that Sonny's coming after him, though Anthony doesn't seem worried. Sonny tells Kate he won't choose between her and his kids, which pretty much answers her question. Later, Ewen finds her on the docks wearing her bloody wedding dress. Shawn admits his feelings to Carly, but she doesn't reciprocate. In fact, it looks like she's more interested in Johnny (or at least in his body) than ever. Ewen accuses Cassandra of recovering memories and pretending not to. She responds by firing him, then asking Ethan to leave town with her. Edward reprimands Tracy for bringing a mobster into the family.
Dear John J. York, you are killing me.
Say what you will about Maurice Benard's acting (some people hate it; I personally don't think it's that bad), but his facial expression when he learned of Robin's death was perfect.
Thank God Ewen's a psychiatrist because Kate needs one more than almost anyone on this show.
Funny, I was just thinking, "If Cassandra hates Ewen so much, why doesn't she just fire him?"
Also funny: The idea of Edward being Anthony's father-in-law.
February 24th, 2012
Patrick stops listening to Sam's pleas, but Anna manages to convince him to do Jason's surgery. Sonny offers to take care of Tracy's Anthony problem if she'll leave the room, but she decides she'd rather not be indebted to him. Anthony takes off, planning to get out of town before Sonny can track him down again, but he's not a very cautious driver. Starr Manning and Cole Thornhart drive through Port Charles and he gives her a Spencer/Cassadine history lesson. He then proposes, but before she can answer, they become victims of Anthony's bad driving. Helena finally puts us out of our misery and reveals Cassandra's secrets: She's really Helena's daughter, Irina Cassadine. She did have amnesia, though it wasn't complete, and Helena sent her to Port Charles to do...something that's unclear. Now Helena plans to kill either Ethan or Luke, who she's been holding hostage. Kate admits to Ewen that she's missing some time, but she runs off before he can actually help her. Dante recaps the week's events for Lulu.
Sam finally said what I've been saying all week: If Patrick doesn't do the surgery, then Robin died for nothing. Yay, Sam!
How does anyone in this town still have a driver's license?
First impression of Starr: I like her. I especially like how hilarious and unbelievable she thinks the Spencer/Cassadine story is.
Here's my pitch for the writers: Cassandra/Irina stops Helena from killing Ethan and dies instead. Ethan is distraught and leaves town. No one ever mentions what's-her-face again.
Scorecard:
Week in review:
February 25th, 2012
Next week: Can someone please do something funny, just to break up the depression? Tell a joke? Wear a funny shirt? Anything?
February 27th, 2012
Starr and Cole's car is teetering over a ledge, and though she's able to get herself out, Cole and Hope are still trapped inside. She runs to Anthony and begs for help, but all he'll provide are the use of his cell phone and an accusation that Sonny shot out his tires and caused the crash. After he runs off, Michael and Dante come across the accident and Michael promises Starr that he'll help Cole and Hope. He's probably not going to be able to do that. Helena tells Irina she gets the honor of killing Ethan, but Irina tries to shoot her first. Helena predicted she would be betrayed and put blanks in the gun. She retaliates by shooting Irina and making Ethan watch her die. Then she plans to finish off Ethan while Luke looks on. Patrick doesn't think Jason deserves to be kept in the dark about Robin, but he stops short of telling him the truth. Instead, he goes along with Sam's story that Robin went home to be with Emma. Just before he's taken to surgery, Jason leaves Robin a message thanking her for saving him. Mac goes to Maxie's to tell her about Robin, but has to go to work before she comes home. He tells Spinelli to give her the news and be a good friend to her. Maxie tries to make things up to Matt by telling Monica she was mistaken about the drugs and Elizabeth shouldn't be suspended. Matt's willing to give them another chance if she kicks Spinelli out of their apartment. Lulu, please see Ewen about your daddy issues.
Please tell me we're not killing off another three-year-old. Also, can't wait for Starr to find out that the guys helping her are the sons of the man Anthony told her caused the accident.
Thank you, Helena! You are my favorite person this week.
Thanks for mentioning Georgie and opening that old wound, guys.
Hey, Lucky's not dead!
February 28th, 2012
Patrick plans to let Jason die in the OR, but Robin's ghost or whatever won't let him. Michael is unable to save Cole and Hope, who go over the embankment then supposedly get blown up in the car. Michael takes Starr to the hospital and promises to find the person who caused the accident. Mac suspects that person is Sonny, and Dante plans to find out. Sonny reminisces about Robin to Sam. Holly randomly shows up at Wyndemere and tries to get Helena to let Ethan live by announcing that he's not Luke's son, he's Robert's. Spinelli tells Maxie about Robin's death.
What's with this show hating children and loving explosions?
Yes, show, we do get the irony of Michael telling Starr he'll avenge her family's death. Just in case you were wondering.
Um, okay, why is Holly here? And why does anyone think she's telling the truth? Though, on the off-chance that she is, sorry your sister just died, Ethan.
Nice acting by Jen Lilley today.
February 29th, 2012
Robert shows up at the Drake house with no idea of what's going on, and it falls to Anna to tell him their daughter is dead. Jason's surgery is successful, and Patrick can't be bothered to hide his disappointment. Helena actually listens to Holly's claims, then decides to do a DNA test. Dante all but accuses Sonny of shooting out Anthony's tires and causing two deaths, though Michael feels guiltier about those than anyone. Olivia finds Kate in her bloody wedding dress at her office and for some reason doesn't immediately rush her to Shadybrook. Ewen's going to be Elizabeth's white knight, in case anyone didn't already get that. Epiphany tries to comfort Patrick.
Nice of the local news to report Robin's death before her father even knew.
Thank you, Helena, for not just making me laugh but for also saying what I was kind of thinking: "Shh! I'm finally interested!" But minus points for leaving Luke, Holly, and Ethan alone.
Yeah, Kate definitely has multiple personalities. I guess they're not just bringing over characters from One Life to Live, they're also bringing over storylines.
I love Epiphany. That is all.
Funniest moments (intentional): Diane's diagnosis of Alexis' menopause, followed by her little dance step, followed by Alexis' look of horror; Diane and Alexis agreeing that Sonny could get even a menopausal woman pregnant; post-strip-pool Mac
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Did you bring the test results?" No, Sam, Kelly just came by for a social call
Saddest moment: Everything involving Michael still takes the prize for this
Sweetest moment: Lulu smacking Dante's hands away before talking to Delores
Least believable moment: Sam, who's been pregnant before, Googled cramping
Most annoying character: Olivia, sadly
Dumbest character: Ethan, still
Previously unanswered question now answered: Kate has been traveling to see a psychiatrist.
Ailing: Jason Morgan
Broke up: Maxie Jones and Matt Hunter
Funniest moment (intentional): 22 voice-mail messages from Alexis
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason talking to the present
Saddest moment: Johnny's increasing patheticness
Sweetest moment: Jason and Monica. Always Jason and Monica
Least believable moment: Maxie seems to have forgotten that she used to steal drugs for Lucky, too
Most annoying character: Still Cassandra
Dumbest character: Molly, because there's no way this social-media plot will end well
Unanswered question of the week: What's Sam and Jason's present?
Previously unanswered question now answered: Cassandra's an assassin
Back in town: Anna Devane
In danger: Sonny Corinthos, Patrick Drake, Dante Falconeri
Funniest moments (intentional): The look on Johnny's face when Michael showed up while he was making out with Carly; Anna's reaction to Emma's insistence on calling her Grandma; Robin getting increasingly frustrated with Matt in the lab; Spinelli asking if Franco's last word to Jason was "Rosebud"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Max actually did his job for once and got yelled at for it
Saddest moment: Jason asking Monica to be Sam and the baby's family if anything happens to him
Sweetest moment: Emma asking Anna to pray for Jason with her
Least believable moment: TJ can type pretty fast for someone who can barely read
Most annoying character: Maxie
Dumbest character: Maxie, again
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who called Kate and made her freak out?
2. How did Franco get video footage of Jason as a baby?
Previously unanswered question now answered: Franco's present for Sam and Jason was a DVD of Jason as a baby.
Injured: Sonny Corinthos
New in town: Starr Manning, Hope Manning-Thornhart, Cole Thornhart (this belongs in the top ten soap names of all time)
Presumed dead: Robin Scorpio Drake
Funniest moments (intentional): Drunk Molly, Tracy using a pillow as a bullet-proof shield
Funniest moment (unintentional): Kate's totally over-the-top reaction to Sonny's shooting
Saddest moment: It's almost impossible to pick just one, but I'll go with Robin asking Patrick to hug Emma twice for both of them
Sweetest moment: Jason asking Spinelli to be as good a friend to Sam as he's been to Jason
Least believable moment: No one else in the hospital was alerted to a toxic spill in the lab
Most annoying character: Maxie
Dumbest character: Dante, who is way more naïve about Sonny than he should be after all this time
Unanswered question of the week: Who shot Sonny?
Previously unanswered questions now answered: IC is Cassandra's initials, Irina Cassadine. She's Helena's daughter and was sent to Port Charles to kill...I don't know, one or all of the Spencers.