General Hospital blog - February, 2016

February 1st, 2016

Jake flees the house, leaving Sam unconscious in the basement. When Elizabeth and Jason get home, the babysitter tells them that Jake is missing and shows them a note he left saying he had to leave. As Sam regains consciousness, Jake apparently gets hit by a car again. Parker's in town because she thinks Kristina's behind the comments trashing her on a professor-rating website. Exposition reveals that Kristina propositioned her after Parker showed interest and engaged in some decidedly inappropriate behavior for a professor. Parker's upset because now her wife knows everything, and she wants to fill Kristina's parents in. She advises Kristina to work out who she wants to be, because her parents might figure it out first. Dante and Lulu come close to reconciling but realize they're not past their issues. Evidently they never will be, and they're not even going to try to get past them, as they sign the divorce papers. Nina wants to put Leo and a topless Olivia on the cover of her real-women issue of Crimson. Olivia objects, then changes her mind when Julian says it's a bad idea. Alexis thinks Julian should settle down and let it happen because there's no way the issue will sell well. Nina's super-excited about celebrating breastfeeding, partly because it'll make for a great issue and partly because she wants a baby.

Remember when Michael was a kid and he shot Kate, and instead of calling for help, he ran away? I'm saying that Jake is the new Michael.

I don't think Elizabeth's going to be calling that babysitter again.

Parker's wife is a doctor? Bring her to town! We need more doctors!

So counseling's not an option for Dante and Lulu? It's just over? How dumb.

Oh, yeah, Julian's so enlightened. Remember how tolerant and accepting he was when he found out Lucas was gay?


February 2nd, 2016

Jake needs surgery but is mostly fine. Elizabeth thinks this is her punishment for the horrible things she's done, and somehow Monica doesn't say that she deserves even worse. Sam's stuck in the basement with a broken cell phone and a concussion. Her search for heat might lead to the house burning down. Ava fakes being sick so Kiki will take Avery for the day and Ava can meet with Paul. She's realized that she doesn't want to do business with him anymore, but he's not going to let her go that easily. She retaliates by cutting him off in terms of bedroom activities. Kiki takes Avery to Sonny's house but seems hesitant to leave her there even if it means going out with Morgan. She does anyway, then runs into Ava at the Metro Court. Mac and Felicia bail out Anna and Robert, who think Paul had them arrested to keep them from catching up to Carlos. Felix gets a postcard from Sabrina, supposedly in Puerto Rico, announcing that she's not coming back to Port Charles. Michael decides to go find her in Puerto Rico, but Felix reveals that he told Sabrina that Michael wants her back, so she clearly doesn't feel the same. Carly is nice to her sons and Jason, and gives some hugs, so this is a good day for her.

Please be aware of the fact that Elizabeth is taking more responsibility for her actions than Ava is.

Burning down the Webbers' house would definitely not endear Sam to Elizabeth. I'm not worried about her, though. Girl survived a car bomb, remember.

So did Paul send the postcard from Puerto Rico? Did Carlos arrange for it to be sent? It was a weird, unnecessary touch.

Carly, please don't encourage a Morgan/Kiki reunion.


February 3rd, 2016

Nikolas and Hayden get married in Vegas. Yes, you read that right. About two minutes later, she gets recognized. Back in Port Charles, Tracy and Laura discuss the couple, and how Laura's sure that Nikolas is going to get hurt. Ava immediately collects Avery from Sonny, who claims to have some sort of plan to get his daughter back. He tells Carly that he has something on Ava and will employ it if the court doesn't come through for him. Ava runs straight to Scott, wanting to punish Sonny, but Scott points out that Kiki was the one who broke the rules. He advises her to let it go, which is probably the first time he's ever done something good for Sonny. Franco knows that passing on his DNA would be a bad idea, so Nina decides they can adopt a child. Scott gives Laura an invitation to the reading of Helena's will. Morgan and Kiki whatever.

If only Hayden and Nikolas had gone to Atlantic City and been married by the guy who married Jason and Brenda.

I bet Helena left Laura poisoned lipstick or something like that.

Say what you will about Sonny, but at least he treats his children better than Scott treats his. No wonder Serena never visits.

Just for the record, Franco cares about Jake more than I do.


February 4th, 2016

Jason, Elizabeth, and Cameron wait around for news on Jake's surgery, which gives Elizabeth plenty of time to beat herself up for her screw-ups. Jason assures Cameron that his brother will be fine, but of course, there's a complication. Sam dreams about Jason finding her in the basement and urging her to save herself by running to him. Morgan and Kiki try to take their reunion slowly, playing Scrabble instead of having sex. Ultimately, they can't stop themselves, but Morgan puts on the brakes. Hayden pretends she doesn't know Baxter, the guy who recognized her, but as soon as she can, she pays him off to keep his mouth shut. He quickly calls someone to report that he saw her in Vegas. Lulu, Dante, and Valerie all wind up at the Floating Rib at the same time, claiming that they can handle sharing the same space. Nathan accepts this, but Dillon and Maxie think someone should leave. Lulu apologizes to Valerie for the whole Johnny situation, but Valerie rejects her apology, since it was a disproportionate response. Then she spends the rest of the evening chatting and playing pool with Curtis.

I like that they addressed Cameron's feelings on everything that's happened with Jake. I mean, how weird would it be for you to be told your brother died, then have him come back years later? I also like that he doesn't seem to be jealous of all the time Elizabeth's been spending with Jake. He's old enough to get that Jake needs extra attention right now.

Morgan and Kiki playing Scrabble together was a lot cuter than I expected.

So in a nutshell, Valerie won't forgive Lulu because Lulu wouldn't forgive her. Shut up, Valerie.

On a scale from 1 to 10, how hard will Jordan flip her lid when she finds out Valerie hung out with Curtis?


February 5th, 2016

Despite Lucas' indications that something went wrong with Jake, he's basically fine. He also finally tells his parents that he accidentally hurt Sam, though he actually thinks he killed her. Jason hears from Alice that Danny's back at the Quartermaines', since a still-unconscious Sam didn't pick him up from a party. He asks Kristina and Molly if they've seen their sister, and Kristina mentions that last she knew, Sam was going to Elizabeth's house. Jason finally heads over there, immediately realizing that something's wrong. Kiki thinks Morgan is backing out of sex because he's changed his mind about getting back together. The truth is that he isn't physically up for it, probably thanks to his medication. She assures him that she doesn't care, but Morgan's too bad about the pills ruining his life to be calmed. He heads to the Floating Rib, trashes his pills, and grabs a beer. While Carly comforts Elizabeth (yes, really), Sonny goes to the chapel, where he meets a guy with a St. Aloysius medal. Sonny easily connects with him, having lost someone to AIDS. This will most likely work out well for both of them, since the guy is Griffin Munro, a med-school classmate of Lucas' and the hospital's new neurosurgeon. Kristina's back in town to retrieve her diary, which Molly has already peeked at. She's read about Kristina's relationship with "P" and learns that things didn't turn out well, at least partly because Parker is married. Molly suggests that Kristina attempt to be single for a while (though Kristina thinks Molly's hinting that she should try dating women). Kristina can't get an apartment in Massachusetts, so Molly suggests that she move into her dorm. Franco reminds Nina that their pasts make them less-than-ideal candidates for adopting. Nina thinks they can get past that but agrees to put the discussion on hold for a little while.

Lucas, don't start with, "There was a complication." Start with, "Everything's fine."

When did Carly get so mature? Sometimes it's frightening.

I'm sure he's meant for Elizabeth or Olivia, but is it too much to hope that Griffin's gay and Lucas leaves Brad for him?

Guys (and by "guys," I mean, Kiki, Franco, and Nina), if you live with roommates, get romantic in your bedroom, not the living room!

Scorecard:
Hospitalized: Jake Webber (Spencer? Morgan? I dunno)
Injured: Sam Morgan
Married: Hayden Barnes and Nikolas Cassadine
New in town: Griffin Munro

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Laura, re: Hayden: "If you find her, you can keep her"; Carly to Elizabeth: "I'm the last person who's going to say something nice to you under any circumstances unless it's really, really true"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ava: "You lied to me!" Kiki: "Are you calling me a liar?"
Saddest moment: Elizabeth worrying about Jake
Sweetest/cutest moment: Cameron wanting to cheer up Elizabeth
Least believable moment: Nikolas was willing to get married in Vegas
Best instances of continuity: Dante and Lulu's first encounters; Morgan went to military school and used to have a gambling problem
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Ava
Smartest character: Franco, for looking at Nina's desire for a child rationally (which, considering it's Franco...)
Dumbest character: I still think Kiki is really dumb for trying things with Morgan again

The week in a nutshell:


February 8th, 2016

Jason finds Sam and gets her out of the house just before it goes up in flames. At the hospital, they participate in some milestones, as he a) identifies himself as her husband and b) holds her hand. To no one's surprise, Elizabeth sees them together. Robert keeps searching for Carlos while Anna returns to Port Charles. She tells Andre that she feels like she started the investigation to distract herself from the fact that she doesn't know what to do with her life. Meanwhile, Paul bugs Jordan about where Anna is, and if she's having a good time, and when Jordan last talked to her, and did she say anything about him at recess? Jordan warns Anna that Paul's suspicious, and that combined with Andre's guess that Paul's into her lead Anna to take Robert's advice and turn on the charm with the DA. Elizabeth is confused when Jake says he killed Sam, then talks about video games. Franco comforts Elizabeth, who thinks her hatred of Sam has spilled over to her son. If she'd been less upset with Sam and more attentive to her son, he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Franco tells her to stop blaming herself and focus on her kid. Just as she's starting to calm down, she learns that her house blew up. Michael tells Sonny and Carly that he wants to go to Puerto Rico and find Sabrina. They both think he should give her some space and convince him to stay put. Dillon lets Paul know he's still Team Tracy, then asks why he really came back to town. Paul laments his bad relationships with his children, but Dillon doesn't think he's made enough of an effort to fix things. Andre and Jordan are supposed to have a date, but they don't, and I am not happy about it.

Jason played the husband card! YAY!

If I were at all capable of feeling compassion for Elizabeth, I would probably feel sorry for her, since her emotionally screwed-up son is in the hospital and her house just blew up. But...you know.

Wasn't Anna the mayor a long time ago? She should do that again.

Andre, whoever you've struggled to let go of, there's no way she's anywhere near as awesome as Jordan. Move on.


February 9th, 2016

Sam assures Elizabeth that Jake didn't try to hurt her, which is pretty much the only good news Elizabeth has gotten in days. She starts to realize that Jason and Sam are meant to be together, and what with her house being gone, she's basically lost everything. Alexis is uncharacteristically grateful to Jason for saving Sam, and even seems to support their possible reunion. Jason tells Sam that he wants to be a better person for her, since she's always had so much faith in him. She explains "run to me" to him, telling him that his love has kept her alive on multiple occasions. Anna tells Paul a partial truth, that she went to Halifax looking for Carlos, but pretends that she now believes he's dead. They get to talking about regrets, making her realize that she and Mac should look into his family, namely Susan. Also, apparently someone's following her. Ava wishes she could be free of the mob like her brother, like, maybe you shouldn't have committed murder and then pretended to be your own twin to avoid doing time, or you could have had more options? Nathan proposes that he and Maxie move in together, an idea she loves. However, she doesn't want to ditch Lulu yet, so for now, Nathan and Maxie will be roomies with Lulu and Rocco. Julian blames Jason for Sam almost being killed, which makes no sense, but whatever.

So this is officially the end of the Elizabeth/Jason/Sam triangle, yes?

If you want an example of how to be gracious, look at Monica. Even after all the ways Elizabeth has messed with her life, Monica still offered her a place to stay.

Let's see how long Elizabeth's sympathy for Sam lasts. I'll consider it a good sign if it survives the week.

Not to take any credit away from Jason, but it wasn't luck or instinct that led him to Sam. It was a phone call from Alice and a conversation with Kristina.

No one feels sorry for you, Ava. You killed an innocent woman and slept with your daughter's boyfriend. And that's just the tip of the crazyberg.


February 10th, 2016

Sonny officially meets his new doctor, then promptly lies about his lack of progress. As soon as Carly's out of the room, Griffin busts him. Laura plays nice with Hayden but is very uneasy about her sonís new marriage. Nikolas lets her know that he's not 100 percent sure he can trust his bride, which he proves by Googling Baxter. Michael wants to refocus on the ELQ lawsuit, though he questions Alexis' devotion to the case, since her nephew is on the opposite side. She assures him and Tracy that she's Team ELQ, as Nikolas' actions have affected Danny. Tracy tries to make more assurances to Michael, telling him that she has a backup plan. Then she's the one who needs reassurance, as Hayden tells her she signed a pre-nup. Hayden thinks things will turn out fine, though, since she has leverage over her new husband. Julian bugs both Olivia and Alexis by getting more involved in the breastfeeding shoot than he should be. Both of them think he's treating Olivia like she's his girlfriend and he doesn't want other men to see her naked. Dillon thinks Maxie should be featured in Crimson's real-women issue because she's young and appeals to the magazine's readership. Nathan is as uneasy as I am about the time they're spending together. Nina's also considering Epiphany for the issue, which is awesome. Sonny and Max are planning to put an end to the Jeromes on the 19th, which just happens to be Julian and Alexis' wedding day. Nina and Nathan catch up on each other's lives, and he pretends that having a child with Franco wouldn't be a disastrous idea. Tracy probably has a brain tumor or something.

I wonder if Hayden had her name changed legally. If not, the marriage wouldn't be legal.

Speaking of Hayden, I have little to no evidence backing this up, but I would like to go on the record with the theory that she's Susan Hornsby. I think I talked about it before, but I wanted it there officially.

Epiphany must like Griffin – she lets him call her by her first name.

Nina, if one's biology affects how one will parent, Nathan's mother is worse than yours and he's still normal, so your fears are unfounded.

YEAH, Epiphany should be in the magazine. Jordan should go in, too.

Uh-oh, something's wrong with Tracy. Better go see the hot new neurosurgeon!


February 11th, 2016

Jason and Elizabeth tell Jake that they know he was behind the happenings at the house, but they're more interested in making him feel secure than they are in punishing him. He wonders if they're back together, so they have to tell him again that, while they're a family, Jason won't be living with them. Elizabeth even goes so far as to admit that she's to blame for their split, since she lied to him. She also talks up Sam, trying to get Jake to accept her. Jake's still upset about having possibly hurt her, so Sam assures him that she's not mad and doesn't blame him for her fall. Elizabeth keeps the news about the house from Jake but shares it with Cameron and Aiden. The good news is that Felix has rallied the staff to donate things to the family, and even Griffin wants to help out. Molly and Kristina are excited that Jason saved Sam, and Molly even thinks that Sam's happier than she's been since his "death." Kristina attempts to cover up her part in the situation, making it seem like Jason ran into Molly and T.J. at the Floating Rib. Alexis catches on and confronts her in front of Sonny. Kristina cooks up a story about wanting to complete her independent-study project for Parker in Port Charles rather than Massachusetts. Alexis and Sonny are still suspicious, but it's Molly who's put it all together, realizing that Parker is "P," and not a guy after all. Tracy downplays any possible medical issues, choosing to focus on her and Hayden's plans. When she mentions Hayden's father, Hayden tells her to never mention him again. Dillon overhears and asks for dirt, but Tracy won't tell him anything. Nikolas' investigation of Hayden gets interrupted when he learns about what happened to Jake and the Webber house. At the hospital, Elizabeth tells him that she feels like their lies are to blame. Nikolas invites her and the boys to stay at Wyndemere, and I can't wait until he tells his new wife that they're moving in. Sonny tells Griffin that he's keeping his recovery a secret for business purposes, but he'd rather not elaborate on that. Nathan's half annoyed that Dillon and Maxie might be getting too close and half annoyed that Maxie's going to be in the magazine. Maxie assures him that she's not interested in anyone else, then points out that she's not the only pretty one in their relationship.

"Sam is a good person. I was very wrong about her." You okay, Elizabeth? Need to lie down?

I assume Kristina was going to talk to Jason about not telling anyone he saw her at the Floating Rib? Otherwise her plan was never going to work.

Tracy knows Hayden's father, and Dillon showed up while they were talking about him. I'm reupping my Hayden-is-Susan theory.

"I'm not her biggest fan but I wouldn't wish for her house to explode." Hmm. Maybe Hayden's a better person than I am.

How many straight guys does Nathan think read Crimson?


February 12th, 2016

Sam talks Jason into helping her bust out of the hospital and go home. They get caught by Lucas, but he lets them go. At home, Jason quickly gets into the family groove, and all the Morgans are happy, especially when the Valentine's mood strikes Sam and Jason. Molly encourages Kristina to be honest about her sexuality, even though she's probably nervous about coming out to Sonny. Kristina denies that she's gay, saying that Molly should worry about her and her boyfriend's sexualities; after all, since they haven't slept together, one of them is probably gay. Molly says she'll be supportive if Kristina wants to talk, but for now she should chat with Brad. Kristina actually listens, talking to Lucas and Brad about a "friend" who might be gay. (I'm pretty sure Lucas knows who she's really talking about.) Her taunts get to Molly, who decides it's time to hit the sheets with T.J. Maxie and Nathan pull a Parent Trap on Dante and Lulu to force them to spend Valentine's Day together. Hayden tries to access Nikolas' safe but gets caught by her new roommate, Elizabeth. Jordan's unhappy to see Valerie and Curtis together on Valentine's Day, and is distracted from her own date with Andre. She tells him that Curtis recruited her for the DEA, then led to the breakup of her marriage to Tommy. Later, she warns Valerie not to give in to Curtis' charms, especially if he's still a coke addict. Laura tells Lulu about the willing reading, and though Lulu thinks she should forget about it, Laura decides to go.

Happy Valentine's Day, Jasam fans! (Sorry not sorry, Liaison fans.)

Lucas is awesome. All hail Lucas.

Maxie is a bad influence on Nathan in the best way.

Someone suggested that Michael Easton will be playing Valentin, the long-ago-mentioned-but-never-seen secret Cassadine heir. The more I think about it, the more interesting I think that would be. With another male heir, Nikolas wouldn't get his inheritance. And with Easton playing a Cassadine, they can't put him with Sam. Win win! (Too bad he didn't show up today, though. They could have made a Valentin's Day joke.)

Scorecard:
Hospitalized: Sam Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Laura's digs at Hayden
Funniest moment (unintentional): "I'm asking for a friend." No one has ever believed that, Kristina
Saddest moment: Elizabeth's whole life is a mess (I mean, I guess that's sad. She kind of deserves it)
Sweetest/cutest moments: Felix got the hospital staff to donate stuff to Elizabeth and the boys; Jason and Danny
Least believable moment: Everyone thinks the Floating Rib is a good date location for Valentine's Day
Best instance of continuity: Lucas got tickets to the Riff Raff, Blackie Parrish's band
Worst instance of continuity: There's no way Lucas is a trauma surgeon. He's barely an intern
Hero of the week: Jason
Most annoying character: Julian
Smartest characters: Molly, Lucas
Dumbest character: Kristina, for not thinking her plan through better

The week in a nutshell:


February 15th, 2016

Maxie's plan works, as Lulu and Dante talk about their relationship and realize that they had trust issues long before he cheated. Both take responsibility for their actions, and both agree that they want to try to work things out. Elizabeth is shocked and annoyed to learn that Nikolas and Hayden are married. She warns Nikolas that Hayden will hurt him and that she's only after money. She also thinks Hayden is a horrible person because she had worse motives for lying than they did. Nikolas continues to pretend everything's great, but he secretly calls Sam and asks her to investigate Hayden. Sam and Jason make out for a little while until he decides they need to take a rain check until he's less confused about his life. But he definitely cares about her and likes where things are going. Maxie thinks Nathan's going to propose and preemptively says no. She wants to spend the rest of her life with him, but not as his wife, at least not yet. It's a moot point since Nathan got her a charm, not a ring. He wants to make a life with both her and Georgie, and is okay with moving at her pace. Jordan's warning about Curtis has its intended effect on Valerie. Unfortunately, their encounter also makes things rocky for Jordan and Andre, as he wants to know about their connection, what happened with Tommy, and why Jordan's so anti-Curtis. Elizabeth thinks Jake's condition is more serious than she and Jason thought.

I can't wait till Dante and Lulu work things out (I hope) and have to thank Maxie for her wacky idea.

Elizabeth would be smart to stay at Wyndemere. Friends close, enemies closer and all that.

Sorry, Sam. You still had a better Valentine's Day than most of the other characters in this episode. Also, you have a concussion; you should probably limit strenuous activities right now.

Curtis, I don't have a problem with you, but if your presence in town is going to screw things up for Jordan and Andre, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.


February 16th, 2016

Dillon enlists Anna for the real-women issue, which gives her a chance to ask him some questions about Susan. He hasn't talked to her for years, and last he heard, she was living on an island off the coast of Maine, running a gift shop. Monica recommends that Jake be treated at Shriners in Philadelphia, so Elizabeth and Jason make arrangements to leave town. Franco's suddenly very invested in Jake's recovery, and very interested in Elizabeth's relationship with Cameron and Aiden. Carly urges Jason to say goodbye to Sam, who's understanding about him needing to leave town to tend to his other son. He makes it clear that he'll be looking forward to coming back to her. Ava makes amends with Kiki, asking her to take care of Avery if something should happen to her. She thinks she's squared things away for Morgan, as Kiki plans to take him to Alexis and Julian's wedding. Sam tells Alexis about her awesome Valentine's Day, and how excited she is for whatever comes next. Kristina notes Morgan's manic behavior and questions whether he's taking his medication. That only makes things worse, of course. When Darby stops by the warehouse, he's ready for the thing he couldn't do with Kiki before. Griffin doesn't want to be Sonny's doctor now that he knows Sonny doesn't really need one. Sonny promises that Griffin will never have to lie for him, and that the ruse will be over soon. Carly notices weirdness between them, but Sonny distracts her by inviting her to Julian and Alexis' wedding. Kiki worries to Franco that Morgan couldn't perform the other night because he's not interested in her anymore. Tracy spaces out again while fighting with Paul.

Are we going to do a Shriners storyline every year? Is injuring a child going to become an annual event? Can we at least get less clunky dialogue in the PSAs?

There are, like, a dozen reasons Kiki shouldn't take Morgan to the wedding. Just...sweetie, no.

Jason still has a ways to go if he thinks Sam needs someone to keep an eye on her. And Sam might have her own memory issues if she thinks Jason would want to go to a wedding.

Sonny, you don't get a plus one!


February 17th, 2016

Dante and Michael both question whether Sonny has a plan to get Avery back. Sonny won't go into detail with either of them, but he's clearly banking on the events of the 19th coming out in his favor. Kiki catches Morgan with Darby and won't buy his explanation that he's trying to see if he can get it up with someone he doesn't care about before he tries again with someone he does care about. Darby's not too excited about the situation either, so Morgan's out two potential hookups. His day gets worse when Sonny and Michael easily peg him as manic and Sonny questions his med compliance. Lulu decides that she's crowding Maxie and Nathan, so she and Rocco should go stay on the Haunted Star. Dante objects, knowing that waterfront mob activity is heating up. Lulu challenges his objection, insisting that she can keep Rocco safe. He backs down, but may get to say he told her so later, as she agrees to let Raj rent the boat on the 19th. Worried that Paul overheard her talking to Mac about Susan, Anna tries to distract him by inviting him to lunch. Paul takes her up on the offer, going home with her, but he's on to her. He gets confirmation that she's investigating him when she sees a text Mac sent about finding information on Susan. When Paul gets aggressive, Anna asks if he's going to kill her like he killed Sloane. Kiki wants a confidence boost and asks Maxie for a makeover. Maxie chats with her about relationships and suggests a haircut instead.

While I agree that Lulu shouldn't have to answer to Dante, her being able to keep Rocco has no connection to how much or how little Dante trusts her. It has to do with mobsters running around with weapons 100 feet away.

Maybe this Dixon guy who keeps getting mentioned is Michael Easton's new character? If he's not a Cassadine, that is.

What guy in his 20s says "make love"?

If Anna were anyone else, I'd be worried for her, but really, Paul's the one who should be scared here.

The Kiki/Maxie scenes were kind of nice, but what was the point?

A wedding planner who has no faith in marriage. Is that considered irony?


February 18th, 2016

Morgan completely flips out on his parents for accusing him of skipping his medication. After he storms out, he overhears Raj talking to someone about landing their shipment the next day, six hours ahead of when Sonny thinks it's arriving. Paul admits to killing Sloane, but he claims to have a good reason: Susan was in an abusive relationship with him that ended when he raped and beat her. She didn't press charges, so Paul was more than happy to get revenge on his own. He says that Carlos saw the shooting and forced Paul to help him fake his death and go into hiding. Anna seems to believe Paul, but she also thinks he was behind Sonny's shooting. She starts to call Jordan but changes her mind. Olivia pretends she had a vision about Julian and Alexis, but that it was just that everything will be awesome at the wedding. Later, though, she has a real vision, seeing Julian with blood on his hands. Alexis and Julian don't think there's anything to worry about. Sam tells Nikolas exactly where he can go for expecting her to help him out after everything he's done to her family. He plays the Spencer card, noting that he could get hurt, and Sam agrees to investigate Hayden. Hayden has Diane draw up papers transferring Nikolas' financial holdings to her. Of course, she'll have to get him to sign them, but a lawyer doesn't have to be present.

I thought Bryan Craig was going to pop a blood vessel today.

Well, I, for one, believe everything Paul says.

As far as I can tell, Olivia hasn't had a vision in almost a year and a half. I kind of missed them. Also, Julian and Alexis should be more concerned, considering she has a near-100% accuracy rate.

Sam's having a great week – she got to make out with Jason, her parents are getting married, and she got to tell Nikolas to go to Hell.

I was just telling my mom how I hoped Diane would resurface in time for the wedding.


February 19th, 2016

Morgan tells Sonny he's moving out, suggesting that he'll get a job from Julian or Jax. Sonny again accuses him of not taking his medication, and Morgan finally confirms it. Sonny warns that he's on his own until he wants to get help. Morgan leaves Kiki a message telling her he's going to take care of the shipment, then heads to pier 54, where Paul is making the deal with Raj's boss, Dixon. Raj himself is late as he's gotten sidetracked tying Lulu up before she can discover too much about what he's up to. During a conversation with Dante, Anna puts the rest of the pieces together about Paul, realizing that he's involved in the arms dealing in town. Paul warns her not to turn him in for anything, since she'll go down, too. Anna's willing to go to jail if it means Julian gets busted. Paul claims that he's running a sting on the arms dealers and needs Anna's help to finish up the plan (by which he means he needs her to do the rest of the work). Anna's mostly concerned with keeping Sonny out of the way. The Davis girls and Diane do the traditional wedding prep with Alexis. Kristina realizes that Molly and T.J. had sex, a revelation that makes Alexis cry because it means her youngest isn't her baby anymore. Since Alexis wants her daughters to know they can tell her anything, Molly thinks Kristina should tell her own secret. Lulu's supposedly happy about the way things are going with Dante, so maybe she shouldn't be so mean to Olivia about being in on the reunion scheme? Julian hangs out with Lucas, Ava, and Kiki for a round of Let's Say Nice Things About Julian.

Yay, Sonny shaved!

Paul's story: lies or retcon? Discuss.

Molly, no! Bad Molly! Leave Kristina alone!

I honestly forgot that Kiki and Lucas are cousins until he mentioned it.

Lucas gives the best advice. He should be a psychiatrist instead of a surgeon.

Despite all her other flaws, Ava's styling for the wedding is really nice.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Diane pretending to protest the wedding; Sam giving Alexis a toy Camaro
Funniest moment (unintentional): Avery responding when Morgan asked if she was happy to be with Sonny and Michael
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: I heart Avery
Least believable moment: Anna doesn't question anything Paul told her
Best instance of continuity: The cartel used Susan to control Paul
Worst instance of continuity: Since when was Morgan living with Carly and Sonny?
Hero of the week: Maxie
Most annoying character: Kristina. For a woman with a feminist mother, she sure doesn't get what's wrong with taunting someone for not having sex
Smartest character: Anna, for figuring out Paul's crimes
Dumbest character: Also Anna, for believing Paul

The week in a nutshell:


February 22nd, 2016

All the pre-wedding stuff goes smoothly, in the sense that no one tries to stop the wedding, and Julian writes Alexis a nice love letter, and everyone is on his or her best behavior, including Sonny. Alexis isn't thrilled to see him there, but she appreciates that he wants to show Kristina his support. Julian cuts himself opening a bottle of champagne, which he figures is the fulfillment of Olivia's vision. The couple makes it down the aisle and the ceremony begins, so there's a chance they'll actually get married before the other big plot of the week gets out of control. Carly urges Kiki to be patient with Morgan, so Kiki actually listens to the message he left her. She tries to call him, and his flailing for his phone gets him noticed by Paul and Dixon. Morgan surrenders to the bad guys, then announces that they're idiots for trying to move a shipment through his father's territory. Dixon orders him killed, but Paul gets him a stay of execution, promising to take care of things. As Morgan's sent away, Dixon makes the mistake of calling him crazy. Morgan responds by pulling out his gun and declaring that he's in charge now. Anna gets to Sonny's house after everyone's left, and no one will tell her how to contact him. When Michael arrives, Anna asks for his help, assuring him that Sonny isn't in trouble. Michael figures out that she's looking into the new arms dealer in town, and promises that since Sonny doesn't trade in illegal weapons, she doesn't have to worry about him getting involved. But when Josslyn finds an empty gun box, Michael and Carly realize that Morgan might be a concern. They get confirmation when Kiki calls to tell Michael about Morgan's plans. There's some business with a ten-year-old tux and a glove that better lead to an actual plot for Maxie and Nathan (and hopefully not a dumb one). Carly seems to be under the impression that Josslyn is clueless about Sonny's real job. Nina mentions marriage to Franco, who announces that marriage is dumb, so that's not good for their relationship. Brad presents Lucas with his divorce papers, which probably means we'll never see Rosalie again.

God bless Kiki. Calling Michael is the smartest thing she's ever done.

So no one has anything to say about Franco being at the wedding? Really?

So we had to hear Maxie and Nathan talk about tuxes for five minutes, but the Brad/Rosalie plot got resolved off-screen? Whatever.

Does Carly think there are people in town who don't know what Sonny does? Griffin's been there five days and he knows.

Why does Josslyn call her stepfather "Uncle Sonny"? When Maxie did that with Mac, it was because that's what Robin called him. Josslyn has no reason for it.

Was T.J. not invited to the wedding?


February 23rd, 2016

Morgan throws his perceived weight around for a while, but Dixon doesn't like taking orders from a kid and tries to rush him. Morgan fires at him, and though he misses, the police are alerted to something going down on the pier. Jordan, Anna, Michael, and Carly all head over, but it's Kiki who arrives first. The ATF continues to do absolutely nothing while Dixon overpowers Morgan and take his gun. Paul pleads for Morgan's life, warning that Sonny will kill them all if Morgan gets hurt. Dixon doesn't listen, and as he prepares to shoot Morgan, Kiki rushes in to save her sort-of boyfriend and takes the bullet instead. Jordan and Michael take an out-of-control Morgan to the police station, where he raves that Dixon took his gun after Morgan tried to shoot him. Jordan ends up arresting him as Carly and Anna stay back on the pier and try to save Kiki. In the midst of the chaos, Dixon takes off. Despite a small hiccup in the form of misplaced rings, Alexis and Julian are successfully married. Seconds later, Dixon shows up and takes everyone in the church hostage. Franco appeals to him to let everyone else leave and only keep Julian, since whatever happened is probably his fault anyway (though Dixon blames Ava). Dixon accuses him of trying to create a distraction. You'd think, then, that he would catch on faster when Sonny does the same thing, allowing Nathan to try to attack Dixon. Dixon shoots him, then threatens to kill Sonny. Raj tosses Lulu off the side of the Haunted Star, and she spends the rest of the episode trying to stay afloat. Dante is very bad at detectiving and can't find her.

Way to take your time, ATF.

I love a good hostage situation. I only wish that Sam had introduced herself as Sweet Sam.

Landon Dixon – a horrible name for a horrible person.

Why do I think this will end with Sonny having to stand up to take down Dixon?

Nice eyes-only acting by Emme Rylan today.


February 24th, 2016

Dixon decides to get back at Sonny for Morgan's actions by hurting one of his other kids. He figures Sam, Kristina, or Molly must be his daughter but can't figure out which. Sonny offers him $2 million to walk away, a price soon upped by Julian to $5 million. Dixon says no, so Sam offers herself up as the daughter he's looking for. After she's rejected, Ava volunteers to be a hostage. Dixon's determined to take either Kristina or Molly, and when he selects Molly, Kristina announces that she's Sonny's daughter. In the middle of all the chaos, Sonny has been readying himself to ditch his wheelchair, and he's able to do so at exactly the right moment and overtake Dixon. Carly arrives moments later, having come over to tell Ava that Kiki was shot, followed by Anna, who officially puts an end to the drama. Morgan continues to rave at the PCPD, so Michael calls Andre. Jordan's upset with her boyfriend for getting involved, but he convinces her to release Morgan into his custody so he can get treatment. At the hospital, Morgan insists on seeing Kiki, so Andre has a come-to-Jesus moment with him: He can't help Kiki until he helps himself. Carly's furious that Sonny lied to her, and that his failure to put a leash on Morgan led to Kiki getting shot. (Also, she destroys evidence at a crime scene, so maybe someone should put a leash on her.) Anna blames Paul for his disastrous plan going south, while Ava blasts Morgan for putting Kiki in danger. Fortunately for Julian, Alexis doesn't find him responsible for anything that happened. Dante finally finds Lulu and saves her from drowning.

They jammed a lot into today's episode. It felt like three episodes' worth. So much intensity!

I'm not looking for a multi-week plot like the hotel hostage crisis, but a few more days of everyone at the church would have been okay. It was fun.

Hold up – did Ava do something selfless??

I admire Sam's bravery, but the thought of her being Sonny's daughter is gross.


February 25th, 2016

Michael babysits Morgan, trying to get him to stop insisting that he needs to be with Kiki. When Michael leaves the room, Morgan charms a nurse into releasing him from his restraints. Since Griffin can't give Ava and Franco much information about Kiki's condition until she's in surgery, and since the bullet is near her spinal cord, Ava thinks her daughter will be paralyzed. Morgan hears this, blames himself, and heads up to the hospital roof, planning to jump off. Ava takes some responsibility for what happened to Kiki, partly because of her deal with Paul and partly because she thinks it's karma for never being punished for killing Connie. Things between Dante and Lulu are definitely better, but she's not quite ready to move back home. Nathan's shooting has made Hayden think about her own brush with death. Laura thinks that will lead to disaster for Nikolas, but he's convinced himself that Hayden is completely clueless about the fact that her husband tried to have her killed. Curtis figured out that Hayden married the guy who paid her would-be assassin and urges her to have Nikolas arrested before he targets her again. Elizabeth's Apology Tour makes its next stop with Monica, who easily forgives her, especially after Jason talks her up. Elizabeth basically tells Jason that she's accepted the fact that they're through, and she just wants to be a good co-parent with him.

If Andre's not going to give Morgan the tranquilizer he so desperately needs, can he give me one?

I liked that nurse, Kelsey. Too bad she's probably going to lose her job.

I applaud the writers for not rushing a Dante/Lulu reunion on the basis of a near-death experience. Her reluctance to move back in is much more fitting.

I'll pay a hairstylist $20 to cut Franco and Griffin's hair ASAP.

Also, Maura West has to pay me $20 every time she goes over the top during a scene. Inside voice, Maura.


February 26th, 2016

Morgan imagines Kiki with him on the roof, agreeing that his best option is to jump. Michael finds him, followed by Andre, who tries to get Morgan to remember a happier time in his life. Michael brings in Sonny, who gets on the ledge with Morgan, saying that they might as well both jump. If Morgan kills himself, Sonny will have failed as a parent because he couldnít help his son live with their shared condition. Ultimately, Morgan agrees to stay alive along with his father. Carly's mad about everything, pretty much, and Griffin finds herself Lady MacBething Kiki's blood off of her hands. He urges her to keep fighting to do what's best for her family. Jordan's angry that Paul and the DOJ didn't tell her what they were up to, and eager to arrest him and Ava. Anna requests a rain check on Paul, promising to bring down even more criminals. Jordan reluctantly agrees, making it clear that their friendship can only take so many favors. Ava now blames Paul for Kiki's condition, but she might go easier on him when she finds out he's keeping her out of jail. He tells Jordan that Ava was working with him and the DOJ, so she's entitled to immunity. Maxie wants to marry Nathan, but he knows she's just panicking because he could have died, so he says no to her proposal. Then he calls her Claudette, so I guess we're going in a dumb direction now.

I get Carly's point, obviously, but she went back to Sonny after Michael was shot, so her anger over violence in town seems out of proportion here.

Welcome to Port Charles, Matt Cohen's abs and biceps!

Maura West owes me $40.

We just did a paralysis plotline – are we seriously going to do another one?

Claudette, whoever you are, STAY AWAY. And just for the record, the last time I remember someone calling someone by the wrong name while under the influence of painkillers, it was Kate calling Alexis "Olivia," so maybe Claudette's his cousin.

Scorecard:
Hospitalized: Morgan Corinthos, Lulu Falconeri
Injured: Kiki Jerome, Nathan West
Married: Alexis Davis and Julian Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Nathan: "I'm not dopey, I'm Doc"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Dixon asking who would pay $5 for Ava, because seriously
Saddest moment: All the Morgan stuff, clearly
Sweetest/cutest moment: Ava and Franco praying for Kiki
Least believable moment: Sonny has no problems walking
Best instance of continuity: N/A
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Carly, Dante, Sonny, Michael, Andre
Most annoying character: Obrecht (it took less than two minutes of screentime for her to win that one, too)
Smartest character: Kiki, for calling Michael, but also...
Dumbest character: Kiki, for going to the pier herself

The week in a nutshell:


February 29th, 2016

Anna confides to Andre that with Duke gone and Robin across the country, she doesn't feel needed. In other words, if she goes to prison for trying to kill Carlos, she'll deal. Andre lets her know that people care about her (and one of those people might be him). Nikolas takes Cameron and Aiden to visit Jake and do more Shriners PSAs. He repeats his invitation for the Webbers to stay at Wyndemere, but Elizabeth doesn't want to have to share a house with Hayden. When the boys latch on to the idea, though, she changes her mind. Maxie isn't sure she buys Nathan's story that Claudette was a poodle he had as a kid. Felicia tells her to let it go, since Nathan has never given her a reason not to trust him. Maxie thinks the name and the glove mean something, and Dante never gave Lulu a reason not to trust him, so why not doubt her totally faithful boyfriend? Hayden and Tracy let each other know they've researched each other. Hayden wonders why Tracy's so interested in getting ELQ back, as if the words "family company" have no meaning to her. Tracy probably has a brain tumor, so it's a good thing Griffin's around when she apparently has a seizure. Alexis and Julian wonder if Jason has heard about what happened at the wedding, and how Sam was in the middle of it. Jason's just heard from Nikolas, and his first response is to ask if Sam's okay. He calls to check on her, inviting her and Danny to come visit, and it's definitely not just for Jake's benefit. Griffin seems to have an interest in Anna.

Please don't try to make Andre and Anna a thing. Andre and Jordan are meant to be.

Okay, I don't think Hayden is Susan anymore. But I have a new long-lost child theory. Um, on a completely unrelated note, is it possible Anna has a secret child?

I used to find Felicia really annoying. Now I find her wonderfully amusing.

My little Jasam-loving heart is so full, y'all.

I hope that when Sam asked Carly for a suite at the hotel, Carly asked if it was for her and Jason.


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