General Hospital blog - January, 2012

January 3rd, 2012

Everyone yells at Carly until they learn about Jason and Michael's accident. They're both fine, but Jason no longer has an excuse not to get examined. Carly threatens to turn Sonny in if he tries to go after Jax again. He taunts that Michael will never forgive her, adding that he's done with her. Sam buys a pregnancy test but doesn't have a chance to take it before she gets summoned to the hospital. Once she and Jason are back home, he tells her he's done chasing Franco until he gets an actual lead. Anthony tries to blackmail Tracy into agreeing to marry him. Lulu and Dante are all happy and stuff. Ethan gets himself a midnight kiss from the woman in white. Ewen is unconventional! What a shock!

I don't like angry Michael. Angry Michael makes poor choices.

Funny that Sonny thinks Carly cares that he's done with her, since she's been done with him for months.

Who kisses a guy she's never actually talked to? Oh, right - people I don't care about.

Lulu asking Floyd to break up Carly and Sonny's fight was kind of hilarious. Why would he?

January 4th, 2012

Jax lurks around Michael's apartment, where Michael's starting to get rid of Abby's things. Sonny visits and Michael asks him for the umpteenth time if he can mob up. Sonny refuses once again, so Michael goes to plan B: Johnny. Sam and Jason drop by but Michael won't let Jason in, since he thinks he was in on Carly's Jax-related cover-up. Jason has flashbacks of Jake that mix with flashes of Michael, indicating that he sees Michael as a son. Johnny asks Steve for a referral, reminding him that Johnny knows he and Maggie are covering up something that happened in Memphis. Steve wonders if he's trying to make him look bad so Olivia will dump him. Maggie tells Steve she knows the cover-up is the reason he brought her to Port Charles, and he apologizes for not taking her feelings into account. Kate bugs Olivia about Steve, wondering if there's anything still between him and Maggie. Olivia swears there isn't, then finds Steve with his arm around his ex. Robin tells Patrick she's going to an HIV conference in Africa, but she's actually going to Seattle. He guesses that she's concerned about her health. Ewen's relaxation method of having hospital staff lie on gurneys and look at the ceiling is sweeping the nation.

Jax is as bad as the woman in white at being stealthy.

Let the record show that on January 4th, 2012, SAM AGREED WITH A DECISION CARLY MADE.

If I say that I bet the Memphis incident is really lame, it'll turn out to be interesting, right?

Kate telling Olivia to use protection cracked me up, mostly because Kate's really the one who needs to heed that advice.

January 5th, 2012

Johnny is opposed to giving Michael a job, pointing out that he'll be alienating everyone in his life. Michael says that the way Johnny feels about Sonny in relation to Claudia's death is the same way he feels about the stripper-attacker in relation to Abby's death, so he wants to find the guy. Carly catches Johnny at the apartment and asks him what she has to do to keep him away from Michael. Molly meets Ewen, who may or may not eavesdrop on her conversation with Sam and realize she has his button. He tells Molly some story about a spirit baby, which is just an excuse for Sam to be tangential to a conversation about children. Spinelli offers to use the Friends of Spinelli to find Franco, but Jason hasn't made up his mind yet. Alexis orders Sonny to leave Jax alone. Since his non-death is now front-page news, Mac tells Sonny and Alexis that he's closing the investigation into his plane crash. Alexis can't handle everything and starts crying. Spinelli decides it's time to move out of the penthouse (despite not having a place to live). Shawn is the only person on Carly's side in the whole Jax fiasco. Patrick and Robin finally put everything on the table about the night Lisa died - she tells him that she thinks he did it, and he tells her that he saw her with the wrench and threw it overboard because he thought she did it. Maxie is sad to lose her roommate now that Lulu will be living with Dante fulltime.

Half of me wants Johnny to tell Carly he'll leave Michael alone if she sleeps with him. The other half of me...actually, the other half of me wants the same thing.

Molly needs friends her own age. Badly.

Wow, Spinelli's lived in the penthouse for five years. And he still never painted the pink room.

So is Jax just going to follow people around without actually talking to anyone?

January 6th, 2012

Sam finally takes a pregnancy test just as Jason collapses at the hospital. Ethan and Spinelli hang out at Kelly's, waiting for the woman in white, who is still doing a horrible job of hiding out. They both end up at Wyndemere, as does Ewen, who tells the guys that he's her doctor. Michael tells Jason he's planning to join up with the Zaccharas, and for some reason he thinks it might actually help the Corinthos organization. Robin confides in Elizabeth about her health and asks her to basically take her place if she winds up leaving. Anthony blackmails Maxie into planning his and Tracy's wedding, which, as promised, is covered in the paper. Maxie only gets a week to put everything together since Anthony wants to get married on Friday the 13th. Spinelli tells Maxie he wants to move in with her, but she's smart enough to know that's a horrible idea. Also possibly a horrible idea: Asking Matt to move in with her instead. Monica offers Ewen a full-time job at the hospital.

I still don't get this whole woman in white thing. Also, can we get a name for her please? Also also, if she's not staying after Nathan Parsons leave, I'd like to know so I don't bother getting invested.

OF COURSE WE DON'T GET TO SEE THE RESULTS OF THE PREGNANCY TEST. We probably won't until, like, February.

Really, Michael? You don't think working for the Zaccharas means working against Sonny?

I'm officially torn between Kirsten Storms and Jen Lilley. I like both of them! Can we find a role for Jen after Kirsten comes back?

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): The look on Jason's face when Spinelli handed him his galoshes
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Use birth control, Liv." Look who's talking, Connie
Saddest moment: Delores wasn't on this week
Sweetest moment: Everyone who meets that dog falls instantly in love with him
Least believable moment: Sam is unable to hide a pregnancy test and Jason is unable to see it
Most annoying character: Robin's really starting to get to me
Dumbest characters: Michael, Spinelli

January 7th, 2012

Next week: Knock, knock. Who's there? HELENA CASSADINE, THAT'S WHO.

January 9th, 2012

Elizabeth agrees to take care of Patrick and Emma if Robin leaves or dies - but only if Robin tells Patrick what's going on before she leaves for Seattle. Jason also encourages Patrick to talk to Robin. Patrick makes Jason submit to a bunch of tests, asking Sam to help him stay even, which probably means not mentioning her possible pregnancy. Ewen totally breaks doctor/patient confidentiality to tell Ethan and Spinelli that the woman in white, who he calls Cassandra, is a very smart amnesiac. She also acts like a five-year-old and may be a little nuts. Monica thinks Sam and Jason should have a baby so Jason will stop doing reckless things. And if a plus sign means pregnant, then that's what Sam is. Carly's totally willing to sleep with Johnny as part of an exchange, and not just of bodily fluids. He's planning to seal the deal at another time, though. Kate asks someone to talk her out of making a bad decision, but ultimately, she's the one leading the charge into Sonny's bedroom.

I liked it better when Cassandra didn't talk. By the way, savant with no identity? Is she a Pretender? It would be really ironic, considering Tyler Christopher was on the show...PLAYING A GUY NAMED ETHAN. YOU GUYS, I FIGURED IT OUT.

You know what's totally appropriate to say to a guy whose four-year-old died last year and a woman whose first pregnancy ended in stillbirth? "You should have a baby."

Yay for Monica/Jason scenes, though.

And for Johnny/Carly scenes. DO IT, GUYS. You know you want to.

January 10th, 2012

Patrick tells Sam again to help Jason avoid anger, so that pregnancy test will most likely be kept secret a little longer. Robin leaves for "Africa" without upholding her deals with Jason or Sam. Carly tells Sonny that Michael wants to work for the Zaccharas and tries to get him to team up with her to help him. Sonny tells her he'll handle it himself, but he doesn't do very well. Carly summons Johnny to Kelly's to put their deal into action, but Shawn interrupts, which I'm sure was not at all her intention. Shawn also suspects that Carly has something up her sleeve since even she isn't impulsive enough to jump in the sack with Johnny. Michael thinks the cops are slacking in their investigation, which actually makes them work harder. Ronnie thinks he's found the attacker, but it's some guy we've never heard of, so he's probably wrong. Kate and Sonny prepare for Carly to make their reunion public. Maxie and Lulu's attempts at yoga don't help either of them.

Sonny, put a shirt on.

Shawn noting that Johnny is the least crazy Zacchara but still not sane just shows that he's one of the smarter people on this show.

Dear attacker, feel free to kill Ronnie. No one will mind.

Feel free to make yourself known any time, Jax.

January 11th, 2012

Carly enlists Luke to dig up something she can hold over Johnny. Lulu asks Tracy if she's seriously considering marrying Anthony, and though Tracy says she isn't, Lulu thinks she's given up on her relationship with Luke. Tracy gets Anthony to postpone the wedding, then gets kidnapped. Steven killed a guy in Memphis and Maggie is helping him cover it up. He thinks she should leave town since Johnny already knows, but she'd rather make out. And of course, Olivia sees them. Ethan and Ewen discuss Cassandra while she eavesdrops. Later, Ethan and Cassandra discuss Cassandra while Helena eavesdrops. Delores thinks Ronnie's suspect isn't the real attacker. Spinelli turns to Diane for relationship advice, and she warns him not to believe everything Cassandra says.

This is a bad idea, yes?

Yay, Luke/Carly scenes!

Steven killed someone? I never would have guessed! Seriously, they couldn't have come up with something more original?

Since when are Olivia and Steven doing the no-strings-attached thing? Since today, I guess.

Kill her, Helena. I can't take another minute of this Cassandra crap.

January 12th, 2012

The Friends of Spinelli find Franco, who, shocker of shockers, is right in town. Jason pays him a visit but is less interested in killing him than he is in finding out why Franco let him find him. Maggie questions how close Steven can get to Olivia while keeping their secret about Memphis. Olivia tells Maggie that she saw her kissing Steven and warns her to back off. Ronnie's suspect has an alibi for the attacks, so the police can't hold him, which infuriates Michael. Sonny summons Johnny to tell him to stay away from Michael, which goes exactly as well as you would expect. Cassandra has made Ethan annoying. Also, she's probably related to the Cassadines' cook, who disappeared. Molly accidentally gives Sam something new to worry about, baby-wise: the idea of insanity running in the family. Sonny asks for Olivia's input in his restaurant, which he's redoing and renaming for a restaurant he and Kate used to go to.

You know how villains always spill their plans instead of just killing the hero? Jason's just an enabler of that.

Yeah, so far, Maggie, you haven't convinced me that you're any different from Lisa. Also, listen to Olivia, because she will CUT YOU.

Dear Michael, shut up for two minutes and realize that Delores is on your side. Barring that, just shut up.

Let's face it, Sam, your kid's getting the short straw no matter what. He/she is half Cassadine and either half serial-killer spawn or half Quartermaine. The odds were never in his/her favor.

January 13th, 2012

Sam tries to reach Jason and ask him not to kill Franco, but she's too late. Jason shoots Franco, sets his studio on fire, and tells Sam he's out of their lives. Sam begs to differ, since she's pregnant. Jax continues stalking Sonny, trying to get him alone so he can show off his skills as a marksman. Elizabeth decides she can't keep Robin's secret anymore and tells Patrick she's sick. Luke's looking for his diamonds from the summer, as well as a partner in crime � he wants Ethan to accompany him on a visit to Skye, who he thinks can help him get something on Johnny. Ethan's just had sex with Cassandra, so he wants to stay in town. Michael tells Sonny that if he won't go after Ronnie's suspect, Michael will do it himself. While he's out buying a gun, Sonny tells Kate that he'll do anything to keep Michael from being sent back to prison.

Anyone who believes Franco is actually dead, hi! I would like to wish you a happy birthday, because clearly you were just born.

Once again, Sonny's guards should be fired.

I'm a sucker for inside jokes: The hospital Robin went to in Seattle is Seattle Grace Mercy West, the hospital where Grey's Anatomy takes place.

Normally I would be all over Elizabeth for not being able to keep a secret, but thank God she said something, because I was so sick of that storyline.

Kidnapped: Tracy Quartermaine
Pregnant: Sam Morgan
(Presumed) dead: Franco

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Luke clearly being amused by Carly's deal with Johnny; Olivia counting to ten after seeing Steven and Maggie together; Diane laughing over the idea of Cassandra having amnesia
Funniest moments (unintentional): "You know what my mother was doing when I was your age? Nothing, because she was dead"; flaming monkey!
Saddest moment: When I realized that someone probably gets paid more than I do to write Cassandra's horrible dialogue
Sweetest moment: There was some cuteness in the Alexis/Molly/Sam scenes
Least believable moment: Robin's totally okay with Elizabeth sleeping with Patrick if she feels like it some day
Most annoying characters: Cassandra, Michael
Dumbest character: I'm going to go with Ethan for sleeping with a woman he doesn't know and who could easily be conning him
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. What is Cassandra's real identity?
2. What does IC mean?
Previously unanswered questions now answered: 1. The woman in white is an amnesiac who Ewen calls Cassandra.
2. Steven killed someone in Memphis and Maggie knows about it.

January 14th, 2012

Next week: Lots of people have lots of explaining to do.

January 16th, 2012

Jason and Sam try not to freak out. At first Patrick doesn't believe Elizabeth about Robin, but she tells him everything and convinces him. He calls Robin to let her know her know but chickens out. Sonny's injured but not dead, to Jax's disappointment. Sonny thinks the shooting was a warning, but Shawn thinks it's the work of amateurs. Apparently Cassandra had guns when Ewen found her, so it's possible she either killed someone or someone tried to kill her. Lulu wants to turn the Haunted Star into an art gallery. Maxie's being stalked, apparently. Also, Matt doesn't want to live with her. Alexis tells Luke to go win Tracy back.

Jason Thompson, around this time next year, when you're wondering which scenes to submit for Emmy nominations, rewatch this episode.

Heh, Shawn, if there's any word that describes Jax's attempts at crime, it's definitely "amateur."

I wonder if Luke and Alexis' (excuse me, Natasha's) exchange about each other still having cars was ad-libbed.

Yes, Lulu, nothing bad has ever come out of artists coming to Port Charles to show their work.

January 17th, 2012

TJ, the son of the Marine Shawn killed, shows up and immediately unseats Jax as the bitterest person in Port Charles. Sonny tells Michael about his shooting in an attempt to convince him that Johnny's dangerous. Kate overhears and freaks out, then assures Sonny that she's sticking around. Carly continues to stall with Johnny, demanding that Luke get her information by the next night. Lulu's search for her bliss, or whatever, leads her to pets, but she's allergic to dogs, so that won't work. Tracy isn't thrilled that Anthony's keeping her captive on a boat. Delores hires Ewen as a profiler, and he thinks the attacks are heading toward something big. He also thinks there's something linking the victims other than dancing. Ewen continues to treat Elizabeth without admitting that he's treating her. Matt's totally jealous. Michael ditches his gun in a trash can, then goes back for it.

What's the over/under on how long it takes for them to reveal that TJ's really Shawn's son?

The dog-walking thing was probably a nod to Julie Marie Berman's real-life dog-related business.

So is the attacker someone already on the show? Ooh, can it be Ronnie? I've never trusted him.

What was up with Michael ditching the gun and Johnny cleaning one? Very weird.

January 18th, 2012

Sam's anxious about the baby, so she arranges to have a paternity test. Carly's upset to learn that Shawn was considering leaving town, possibly without saying goodbye. However, he's staying because of TJ, so she offers him the opportunity to run Kelly's. Matt takes the wrong side in a Maxie/Elizabeth fight, so Maxie gets revenging by agreeing to let Spinelli be her roommate. Now Kate's all upset with Sonny again. Molly tries to connect with TJ. Spinelli's surprised that Jason isn't happier about Franco's supposed death. Ewen asks Alexis if he can rent Wyndemere for Cassandra. Olivia still doesn't like Maggie.

Is Sam that surprised to find out there's such a thing as a paternity test?

Bobbie's in Seattle? That's the third mention of Seattle in just a few weeks. What's up with that?

Did I miss something - wasn't Kate fine at the end of yesterday's episode?

Ha, I was just saying that Molly needed friends her own age.

Line of the day - Elizabeth, to a counting Olivia: "How high do you have to get before I can ask you what's going on without you punching me?"

January 19th, 2012

Michael tells Johnny that Sonny thinks he shot him, which is news to Johnny. Michael asks for a job again, threatening to go to Anthony if Johnny says no. Johnny stalls, then tells Carly that Michael's pushing him to act. Carly tries again to get information out of Luke, who has indeed found something interesting. He's too late to pass it along to Carly, though, so it looks like she's about to seal her and Johnny's deal. TJ gets arrested for stealing a car, but Alexis gets Mac to let him off with a warning. Shawn isn't so nice. Sonny wants Jason to kill Johnny, thinking he was behind not just his shooting but also Dante's and Bernie's. Jason refuses to act until they have proof that he was responsible. Michael still suspects Ronnie's suspect, Donofrio, and thinks Raynelle suspects him, too. Fortunately, before he can do anything stupid, he runs into Jax. Lulu's no closer to finding her dream job, but she's closer to being an alcoholic. Anthony's moving right along with his wedding to Tracy. Ewen plans to move into Wyndemere with Cassandra, and he wants Ethan out of the picture.

Can't wait until Johnny tells Michael he can't hire him because his mommy told him not to.

If TJ's going to keep talking about how hot Lulu is, can I be the one to tell him she's married to a cop?

Funny that Sonny thinks Johnny was responsible for three shootings he actually had nothing to do with.

Helena, you can kill Ewen, too, if you want.

January 20th, 2012

Jax tries to explain his disappearance to Michael, advising him to forgive Carly, ditch his gun, and be a good person. Luke shares his Zacchara news with Sonny, who gleefully goes to fill Johnny in. Long story short, Carly accidentally called Johnny's bluff, as he never planned to sleep with her. He promises that he still won't hire Michael. Kate tells Olivia she's hesitant to go all in with Sonny, but instead of sharing that with him, she arranges to meet with some mystery guy. And instead of meeting with him, she runs into Jax. When Maxie arrives to help with the wedding, Tracy tries to enlist her for an escape attempt, but Maxie wants everything to go perfectly so she'll be off the hook. Fortunately for both of them, Luke shows up in the middle of the ceremony. Patrick shares his feelings over Robin's situation with Elizabeth, then prepares to welcome her home.

For the first time in probably years, I didn't hate Jax in this episode. In fact, I kind of liked him. He said, like, four things that needed to be said.

I know it's not right, but I kind of love it when Sonny's happy like this. You know, right before he's probably about to destroy someone's life.

I can't figure out who Kate keeps calling for advice. So of course, now I really want to know who it is.

Hee, Tracy and Maxie are funny together.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Luke: "You still have a car?" Alexis: "Do you?"; Elizabeth to a counting Olivia: "How high do you have to get before I can ask you what's going on without you punching me?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Can't think of any
Saddest moment: Patrick in general
Sweetest moment: Jax's conversation with Michael was kind of sweet
Least believable moments: TJ's mom didn't tell Shawn he was coming; Lulu never knew she was horribly allergic to dogs
Most annoying character: Cassandra
Dumbest character: Michael
Unanswered question of the week: Who's stalking Maxie?

January 21st, 2012

Next week: Forget it, Johnny. It's Chinatown.


I just realized something, thanks to SoapNet now showing season 2 of Gilmore Girls: Shawn is going to be running the diner he lives above, and is now in charge of a bitter teenager who's clearly going to become close to a very smart girl. Which I guess makes Alexis the Lorelai, which I wouldn't have guessed.

January 23rd, 2012

Sonny informs Johnny that not only is Anthony not his father (Gino Soleito was), but he's actually his grandfather - Claudia was his mother. Johnny rightfully freaks out and almost shoots him. Patrick confronts Robin about her lies and she finally tells him everything. She's optimistic that her new protocol will work and promises not to leave. Instead of stopping the wedding, Luke pushes it along, to everyone's pleasure except Tracy's. Sam undergoes a paternity test even though there's a risk of miscarriage. Kate's mystery man can't come meet her after all. Jax and Kate make some kind of deal.

I can't decide if Claudia's behavior toward Johnny is more or less gross now that we know the truth about their relationship. Also, for the record, Brandon Barash is 32 and Sarah Brown is 36, which makes this plot twist even less likely than Olivia (played by a 41-year-old) having mothered Dante (played by a 32-year-old).

If you want to look at the details, Johnny's former stepmother just married his grandfather. Speaking of which, can I be the one to tell Edward?

I foresee a medical emergency of some sort for Sam in the next two or three weeks. And at least three more in the next nine months.

Dear Elizabeth: Mind your knitting, Grandma.

January 24th, 2012

Johnny is mopey and won't confide in Carly. Luke stops in to see the newlyweds, which makes Tracy happy since she doesn't have to be alone with Anthony. Anthony plans to move into the Quartermaines', but Luke thinks everything will work out fine. Michael asks Sam to investigate Donofrio, then shows her his gun and admits that he wants to be a vigilante. Olivia questions Lulu's drinking habits. Kate tells Sonny she's going to San Francisco for business. Matt's reaction to Maxie and Spinelli's cohabitation is exactly what you would expect. The good news is that Maxie's stalker is actually one of Zacchara's bodyguards who he sent over to keep an eye on her. Robin and Jason check in with each other, but only one of them has made progress.

So Luke thinks that the Zacchara blow-up will benefit Tracy? I don't follow.

Other things I don't follow: anything Michael's doing.

Yeah, Lulu, I'm sure your drinking isn't an issue. It's not like anyone in your family has any problems with addiction.

I'm guessing those Jason/Robin scenes were tacked on after the fact, since a) they accomplished nothing and b) they weren't in the episode until halfway in.

January 25th, 2012

Johnny confronts Anthony, who claims that it was Claudia's idea to sleep with Gino. He planned to use the incident to blackmail Gino, but Gino already had something on him, and Tracy took Gino's money before Anthony could get to it. Johnny kicks Anthony out, threatening to kill him if they ever cross paths again. Sam tells Jason what Michael's up to, but Dante finds him first - standing over Donofrio's body. Alexis guesses that Sam's pregnant. TJ wants to make Molly cooler. Seeing Ethan and Cassandra together bugs both Ewen and Molly. Also, Cassandra knows how to use a gun, in case anyone cares. Lulu continues denying that there's any problem with her drinking habits. Olivia makes it clear to Delores that she doesn't trust her.

If Brandon Barash ever leaves the show, I swear to cow (TM Raj Koothrappali) I will cry my eyes out.

"There are various degrees of auto theft" cracked me up. Thanks for that, Sam.

Never fear: Cassandra's leaving soon enough, so there's no need to wonder if we need to get invested.

Olivia, you know I love you, but you have GOT to CHILL.

"It's heavy stuff, raising another man's child." Shawn, everyone on this show is raising someone else's child. Jason actually already did it. And someone else raised his kid! It's like a weird circle of life.

January 26th, 2012

Dante covers for Michael, and Delores and Ronnie are none the wiser. Ronnie also thinks that the attacker is now off the streets, though Dante and Delores disagree. Jason questions Michael about Donofrio's death and Michael realizes that his recent behavior has changed the way people see him. He decides to take Jax's advice and be a man Abby would be proud of. Anthony confronts Sonny about spilling his secrets to Johnny, and the two find themselves at a stalemate since neither can go after the other's family. Sonny's also planning to take something of his back. Johnny begins to take revenge on Anthony, starting by killing his real children: his orchids. Sam confirms her pregnancy, and though Alexis suspects that something's wrong, Sam won't elaborate. Tracy prepares to tell Edward about her marriage (with Luke on hand for the show), but he's already read about it in the paper. He starts to kick her out, then changes his mind. Ethan and Elizabeth hang out and talk about Lucky.

Heh, I love how Michael told Jason that "someone" told him to be a better man for Abby. "Someone" who was definitely not his MIA stepfather.

Interesting how Alexis' mother's intuition only kicks in when it's convenient for storyline purposes.

Uh, where is Monica, by the way? I mean, mobsters are moving into her house without her permission.

Hey, show, you found a way to make me not hate Elizabeth: Have her hang out with Ethan! Though it might be nice if he would warn her that Luke's in town.

January 27th, 2012

Sonny buys a pier out from under Johnny, so Johnny blows it up. Carly bugs him about what's bugging him, worried that he's starting a war. He distracts her by making out with her, and since she earlier admitted to Luke that she might care about Johnny more than she let on, this could get interesting. Maxie challenges Lulu's claims that she doesn't have a drinking problem, leading Lulu to go to the Haunted Star to confront Luke about the same thing. Robin practices full disclosure with everyone, including Jason, who she says is getting worse. Since no pregnant woman on this show is allowed to have an uncomplicated pregnancy, Sam has issues. Sonny questions Kate's travel claims. Spinelli tells Sam about moving in with Maxie, admitting that he's fine with just the small amount of happiness he'll get out of the arrangement. Elizabeth tells Matt that Robin wanted her to take her place, and Matt tries (and fails) to not seem jealous.

Forgive me, but unshaven angsty Johnny is hotter than normal Johnny.

When Maxie's smarter than almost everyone else, you know there's a problem.

Is this restaurant plot, like, a thing? Do I need to start paying attention to it?

Matt, just make out with her already. Sheesh.

Married: Tracy Quartermaine and Anthony Zacchara

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Tracy and Anthony's wedding pictures
Funniest moment (unintentional): I'm not sure that's what Carly meant by "try me," Johnny
Saddest moment: Michael looking at the datebook Abby gave him
Sweetest moment: Patrick and Robin make me go "awwwwww"
Least believable moment: Claudia was Johnny's mother
Most annoying character: Cassandra, always, forever
Dumbest character: Anthony
Unanswered question of the week: What deal did Kate make with Jax?
Previously unanswered question now answered: Maxie's stalker is one of Anthony's guards.

January 28th, 2012

Next week: I believe there are some drunken shenanigans featuring two beloved female lawyers, so it should be a good week.

January 30th, 2012

Lulu can sympathize with Luke now that she has a bunch of people telling her she has a drinking problem. She expresses her anxiety over not knowing who she is and wishing he were in her life more. Luke promises to make more of an effort. As soon as they've patched things up, she tells him to go after Tracy. Johnny shares his angst with Carly, who proves that she has the ability to show compassion. Sam downplays her condition for Spinelli, then runs to the hospital to see Kelly, who says she's fine. Elizabeth eavesdrops on her and Jason and may know about Sam's pregnancy. Robin tells Jason his brain is swelling and it could lead to the need for more surgery. Jason doesn't really care. Spinelli offers to help Maxie make Matt jealous. Sonny, Kate, restaurant, blah.

I've said it before and I'll say it again (many times): This is why you have an Emmy, Julie Marie Berman.

Writers. Luke did not "[try] hands-on parenting sporadically." He was in Lucky's life every day for something like 14 years. STOP MAKING CRAP UP.

No, Johnny, your paternity doesn't change everything for everyone. It changes nothing for no one.

Elizabeth, see my note from January 23rd re: minding your knitting.

January 30th, 2012

Johnny informs Tracy that he's a Soleito, so he has a claim to his late father's money. Carly blasts Sonny for blowing Johnny's life apart, so of course he wants to know why she cares so much. Luke visits Ethan to warn him about Cassandra and hanging out too much at Wyndemere. Luke, however, is the one who should be careful, since he gets knocked out while wandering around the secret passageway. Ewen gives Dante, Delores, and Ronnie his profile of the attacker, and I'm 99 percent sure he's trying to implicate Ronnie. Molly thinks TJ can't read. Sonny has an offer for Dante. Mac warns Spinelli to keep his hands to himself while he's living with Maxie.

Carly, if you're going to hook up with Johnny, you have to promise not to get jealous when he flirts with Delores, because it's kind of adorable.

Ewen and I might actually agree on something for the first time.

Didn't TJ use a computer in front of Molly the other day? I think it's safe to assume he can read. Or the writers are dumb. It could go either way.

I'm guessing the Mac/Spinelli scenes were tacked on, but I appreciate them giving Mac the leftover screen time.

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