General Hospital blog - January, 2013

January 2nd, 2013

Kristina thinks there's something in Connie's trunk but doesn't put the pieces together to figure out it's Johnny. She and Trey order Connie to open it, but she drives off instead. Michael, Starr, Kristina, and Trey take off after her and end up on the same road where Cole and Hope died. Meanwhile, Ellie, who Maxie convinced to go meet Spinelli, has had to ditch her car and is about to talk to Spinelli when the two cars come around the bend. Maxie gets adopted by a dog Olivia would find familiar, then trips and has a miscarriage. Karma punches Britt in the face and keeps her from spending New Year's Eve with Patrick, who instead spends it with Sabrina. Todd and Carly are totally just friends, you guys. Seriously. Milo gets Spinelli drunk and teaches him to strip. Yes, you read that right.

There would be a lot less drama on soaps if characters kept their eyes on the road while they were driving. Also, this show really likes to have characters get in car crashes on New Year's Eve.

I love that the first scene we got in the new year (which wasn't originally planned that way) was a) adorable Emma b) getting in a dig at Britt and c) bringing the funny. 2013 already rocks. Oh, and there's a gif!

And we finally have a real dog! A dog of doom, it seems. But it's cute.

Hey, Todd, if you want to get in Carly's pants (ha, if), maybe stop talking about her ex-boyfriend?

I hope Dante gets in trouble for putting forth the least amount of effort possible to find Connie.

January 3rd, 2013

Starr finds Connie hanging off a cliff (of course) but doesn't put forth an effort to save her. Michael frees Johnny from the trunk and Johnny has to stop Starr from literally peeling Connie's fingers off of hers to let her die. He does so by announcing that Connie didn't kill Cole and Hope – he did. Through all of this, Ellie's practically dying off to the side, with no one knowing she's there until Connie mentions seeing a redhead and Michael finds her. Maxie runs into Spinelli on the roof but doesn't tell him about the miscarriage or that Ellie was coming to meet him. She takes him to her place, where she also fails to tell Lulu and Dante about the miscarriage. Spinelli's the right combination of drunk and dejected to make out with her. Patrick and Sabrina are about to kiss when stupid Britt ruins it with a phone call. She later shows up in a trenchcoat and nothing else, but Sabrina's the only one who can confirm that. Kristina stops breathing and Trey revives her. She may have to repay the favor when he passes out. Carly and Todd make 100 percent sure they're over their exes, then get it on.

Starr really is a little potential murderer, isn't she?

Huge applause for Emily Wilson, who so far hasn't had the chance to show she can do intense scenes. They need to get her interacting with more people so she can have more of a presence on the show.

Here's what should happen: Maxie and Spinelli have sex. He finds out Ellie's hurt, feels guilty, and goes back to her. (Optional: He finds out she was on her way to see him and gets mad at Maxie for not telling him.) Maxie gets pregnant and has to explain to Lulu and Dante that she's not having their baby after all.

If Lulu were my friend, I would change my phone number. "She must be asleep. Let's go by her apartment!" LEAVE HER ALONE, LULU.

Isn't Sabrina a student nurse? Why is she doing Britt's filing?

January 4th, 2013

Michael finally gets a cell signal and calls Dante so Connie can be arrested. Starr gives Johnny the chance to take back his confession, but he tells her again that he was the one who caused the accident. He repeats this to Dante, who's arresting him just as Carly and Todd arrive. Carly states that at least her boyfriend (yes, she and Todd are "going steady" now) is honest, which is Johnny's cue to proceed with taking Todd down with him. Meanwhile, Connie tries to flee town but is stopped by Dante, who's finally decided to start doing his job. She tells him she was taking Johnny to the police station because he confessed to killing Cole and Hope. Dante has her handcuffed to a car, but she escapes and goes to the hospital, where Trey's not doing well. Maxie and Spinelli do it, but he still doesn't know that a) Ellie was hurt and b) there's no baby. Steven proposes to Olivia, who's surprised she didn't see it coming.

I'm going to go ahead and guess we'll be seeing Diane next week.

Awww, Connie has a heart. Maybe.

They're halfway to the Maxie/Spinelli plot I outlined. Let's bring it on home.

The engagement is an interesting development, considering Scott Reeves was let go...

Arrested: Johnny Zacchara
Engaged: Olivia Falconeri and Steven Webber
Injured: Trey Mitchell, Ellie Trout
Miscarried: Maxie Jones

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "I told you, you can't come to the party 'cause it's just for grownups." "Then why does Dr. Britt get to go?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Dante being congratulated on the baby, since Dom Zamprogna and his wife just had a baby
Saddest moment: Ellie almost dying without anyone knowing
Sweetest/cutest moment: Is it bad that I think the baby-killing dog was adorable?
Least believable moment: Starr got knocked out twice in a matter of hours but is totally fine
Most annoying character: Lulu, and you know it's bad if I pick her over Britt
Smartest character: No one – everyone made stupid decisions this week
Dumbest character: Britt, who might have considered the possibility of Emma being in the room when she opened the trenchcoat
Previously unanswered question now answered: Olivia's vision meant that a dog would lead to Maxie miscarrying.
Things we learned this week: 1. Lab techs know lots of medical stuff.
2. Maxie's hair looks better post-coitus than mine has looked in my entire 30 years of living.
3. Connie may have another personality named Houdini.

January 5th, 2013

Next week: It's The Connie Falconeri Show! Da da da da, da da da da da...

January 7th, 2013

Johnny does, indeed, take Todd down with him, and assures Dante that he can back up his accusations. Carly makes it all about her and is more upset that Todd lied than she is about what he did. Starr, who it actually is all about, has human emotions and feels bad for Connie. Not feeling bad for Connie: Kristina, who yells at her for abandoning Trey and possibly killing him. Sonny gets drunk and dreams about reuniting with Kate. He tries to comfort Connie over Trey, but she rejects him when he calls her Kate. Alexis may only be dating Shawn for his sandwich-making skills.

This episode made me feel sorry for Connie, Sonny, and Todd. Bizarro World!

It did not, however, make me feel sorry for Carly. Carly, the people Johnny and Todd's lies affect are as follows: Starr, Sam, Sam's family, the Quartermaines...and that's it. Did you notice that your name isn't on that list? There's a reason: NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU.

Olivia's visions may not be as happy as Sonny's, but at least they're more interesting.

And just like that, Dante sucks at his job again. Or maybe he's hoping Johnny and Todd will kill each other and take care of all his problems.

January 8th, 2013

Thanks to the accident and an aneurysm, Trey is brain dead. Connie is desperate for a second opinion and refuses to turn off his life support. Todd tries to smother Johnny, then tries to use Starr to guilt him into somehow getting the charges against Todd dropped. Johnny wants Carly in return. Spinelli wonders if what happened between him and Maxie was meant to be. Despite being closer than ever to what she's been wanting, Maxie panics. Spinelli finally learns that Ellie didn't meet him on the roof because she was busy reenacting An Affair to Remember. Carly tells Sam that Todd confessed to the baby swap, then admits to sleeping with him, because, as we know, this is all about Carly. Suddenly struck with the need to face the truth in every situation, she tries to get Sam to acknowledge that Jason's really dead. Dante tries to arrest Connie, but Sonny talks him into waiting until she's spent more time with Trey. Patrick and Sabrina are a little awkward around each other now.

Genie Francis is coming back February 11th! WHAT TOOK THEM SO LONG TO GET HER BACK?

Ha, did Connie try to get Matt out of jail to operate on Trey?

Darn you, Carly, you denied me my long-awaited Sam/Todd smackdown!


Dante, do the words "flight risk" mean anything to you? Why do you think Connie was driving in the middle of the night in the first place?

January 9th, 2013

Ellie's paralyzed, so Spinelli decides not to clarify that when he said he was with Maxie the night before, he meant they weren't wearing clothes. Todd begs Carly for forgiveness but ruins his teeny-tiny chances by letting it slip that he knew almost the whole time that Jason was Danny's father. Maxie's about to tell Lulu and Dante about the miscarriage when Lulu gets a call from Luke. Then there's a commotion and gunfire, so Lulu and Dante decide to go to Turkey to find him. Sam asks for a sign about Jason and gets it in the form of McBain telling her Faison admitted to shooting him. She finally accepts that Jason isn't coming back (which would have been a great time for them to reveal that he's really alive, but alas, it didn't happen). Britt overhears Sabrina and Patrick mentioning their New Year's Eve kiss, so she tells Sabrina that Patrick told her he was mortified by what happened. She adds that people are starting to notice Sabrina's crush, including Monica, and Patrick could wind up in trouble. Anna's still jumpy around Duke. Robert's comatose, but at least it means he doesn't have to deal with Holly. (Neither do we, fortunately.)

I asked for Laura. They're giving us Laura. I asked for Lucy. We got Lucy. I asked for Kevin. Guess who they're giving us on January 30th? Next I'm asking for someone to drop a house on Britt.

Wow, Ellie really did reenact An Affair to Remember. P.S. I'll say it again: Emily Wilson deserves an Emmy.

It would be awesome if Lulu and Dante got to Turkey and found out that the commotion was Luke being rescued by, like, Tracy. Also, I wish I had a job that didn't care if I left the country with no notice. Dante really does suck.

Britt suggesting that Monica doesn't like fraternization between her employees cracked me up. Britt, honey, everyone in that hospital has slept together. Monica doesn't care.

January 10th, 2013

Sonny offers to pay Connie's bail, but she turns him down since she thinks he just wants her to take Trey off of life support. He talks her into it and she tells Kristina she'll let Trey go, but after expressing her regrets to her son, Connie changes her mind. Tracy offers to buy out CoeCoe if Lucy supports her as CEO. Lucy declines, since she's going to have to liquidate, and requests a co-CEO job instead. Tracy gives in and signs the check to underwrite the Nurses' Ball. A.J. officially gets Michael on his side, but it's too late since Lucy's already made her deal with Tracy. A.J.'s day gets worse when he hears Michael telling Sonny what a great father he is. He ends up at the Floating Rib, tempted to make bad decisions with booze and/or Connie. Elizabeth tells Sabrina not to listen to Britt and encourages her to talk to Patrick. Unfortunately, Sabrina has to walk in on Patrick and Britt showering together.

I thought the writing in Connie's scene with Trey was good, but Kelly Sullivan didn't impress me much, so it was mostly disappointing.

Can you imagine if A.J. slept with Connie? Sonny really would kill him.

Sabrina, listen to Elizabeth! ...Holy crap, what's wrong with me?

One of the nice parts of all these characters coming back is that Mac gets to see a bunch of his old friends. I guess no one told him about Robert, though.

January 11th, 2013

Connie learns a little about A.J. (from Coleman) and encourages him to jump off the wagon and have some fun with her. Olivia has a vision of Connie drinking, so Sonny goes to the Floating Rib to retrieve her. Connie sees him coming and kisses A.J. - Todd offers McBain a million dollars and the chance to reunite with his family if McBain will find a reason to get his charges dropped. McBain turns the tables by recording his bribery attempt. - Kristina tries to pull the plug on Trey (literally), but Alexis stops her. - Carly takes her tour of pity to Starr, then to the Floating Rib, where she drinks to try to forget the fact that she has no friends.

Maybe this is logical, and therefore dumb, but shouldn't Sonny call the police to report that Connie's skipping bail? Then they'd put out an APB on her.

A.J. and Connie put the ho in unholy alliance.

Hey, Coleman's still alive! I totally forgot he and Kate dated.

I'm pretty sure that unplugging the respirator would just set off alarms. Aren't those things on generators? Either way, Kristina's dumb.

Arrested: Connie Falconeri, Todd Manning
Dead, basically: Trey Mitchell

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Todd and McBain arguing over consent
Funniest moment (unintentional): For some reason, Sam asking Carly to watch Danny and Carly refusing cracked me up
Saddest moment: The saga of poor Trey
Sweetest/cutest moment: Nothing I can think of
Least believable moments: Sonny hung around the hospital all night and no one told him Connie didn't cause the Cole/Hope accident; Holly knows about Robert's condition but Mac doesn't; Lucy's been in town for weeks and is just now seeing Mac
Most annoying character: Carly, for thinking any part of the Johnny/Todd saga has to do with her
Smartest character: McBain
Dumbest character: Whoever let Connie out on bail

January 12th, 2013

Next week: Lots and lots of scheming.

January 14th, 2013

Alexis gets a court order to have Trey taken off of life support, but it turns out to be unnecessary since Sonny and Kristina talk Connie into approving it. Olivia has a vision of Trey telling her everything will be okay. Everyone gathers in his room while he dies, and Olivia assures Kristina that he's at peace. Carly thinks A.J. should get as drunk as she is since he's just as much of a loser as he's always been. Instead, he drives her home. Todd wants to make a prison break, which would be easier from the hospital, so he asks Johnny to beat him up. Johnny resists until Todd tells him who he spent New Year's Eve with. Lucy moves into the mansion and immediately makes Tracy her servant. Tracy accidentally gets on her bad side by serving her duck. Lucy then goes to Kelly's and freaks out when she sees McBain, who she thinks is Caleb. Sam and McBain tell Monica about Faison's admission and Jason's probable death. Monica urges Sam to get closure and move on.

Now Kin Shriner is coming back. Eh. I'm not a Scott fan. Hopefully it'll be a short visit.

There was a lot of good acting in this episode. Kelly Sullivan must have just had an off day last week; she was great today. And though Lindsey Morgan still leaves a little to be desired, girl can cry. (Also, have you noticed that her skin is gorgeous?)

I love drunk Carly.

I stopped watching Port Charles before most of the vampire stuff, so I don't know much about Caleb other than that he was...well, vampire. And Lucy was a slayer. I wonder if she'll mention that Sam looks like Livvie?

January 15th, 2013

Johnny tells Diane that Todd's planning to escape, and she becomes one of many people to put the brakes on his efforts. Lucy's so convinced that McBain is Caleb (and that Sam is Livvie) that she breaks a chair and stakes him with one of the legs. She's arrested and he's taken to the hospital, where he recognizes Todd (who's disguised as a doctor) mid-escape attempt. Sam also recognizes him and jumps on his back to stop him. Carly takes A.J. to Todd's hotel room, where she yells at him, cuts up Todd's clothes, yells at A.J. some more, cuts her own hair, and breaks down in tears. Connie doesn't hate Sonny so much anymore. In case you're keeping track, Kristina now has Trey's medal.

I can't pick my favorite moment of this episode. There were way too many:

Things I never thought I'd see when I woke up this morning: Lucy stabbing a guy. Also, I've watched a lot of Buffy and Angel, so I'm pretty confident in stating that that's not where the heart is, Lucy.

Maybe Alexis should have told Molly exactly what happened. It could inspire her next book.

Shouldn't Sonny be taking Connie back to jail? And shouldn't the cops be looking for her? Oh, wait – there are no cops. Anna's still in Switzerland, Dante's going to Turkey, and McBain's been staked. Man, why'd they have to get rid of Delores?

Aww, Michael's a good big brother.

January 16th, 2013

Duke and Anna return to town, and I guess people are just allowed to wander around lockup because Duke ends up visiting Lucy. At first she's happy to see him, but then she thinks he's Joshua, another vampire. Felicia convinces her that Duke is Duke and offers Lucy her support. Lucy politely requests that Felicia kill McBain. Alexis tries to pitch in by contacting Kevin, then offering to be Lucy's lawyer. Sam finally goes to confront Todd but first overhears Diane talking to him about having Danny's paternity-test results. Sam can't help gloating that Todd will end up losing everything. A.J. tells Carly they slept together, waits for her to completely freak out, and assures her they didn't. At least she's not yelling at him anymore. Monica waits until Tracy has announced publicly that Lucy's the new CEO before letting her know that Lucy was arrested. A.J. realizes that he still has a chance at running ELQ. Sam and McBain wonder if Lucy's pinpointed their oft-talked-about connection. Sabrina doesn’t want to work on the ball anymore if Patrick's involved, so Felix tells her to suck it up. Anna is totally excited that her husband is back in town, really.

More awesome moments:

I'd forgotten Ian Buchanan was also on Port Charles.

You know your life sucks when A.J.'s the only one in town having a good day.

Speaking of A.J., I kind of wanted him to continue the lie that he and Carly slept together. Does that make me a bad person?

January 17th, 2013

Alexis begs Lucy to keep her mouth shut at her arraignment while Tracy begs Alexis not to use an insanity defense. Everything goes fine until McBain shows up and Lucy starts yelling about him being a vampire again. She ends up in Ferncliff, but the good news is that there's one person who believes her. The bad news is that that person is Heather. Todd is next in court despite his best efforts to avoid it. A.J. wants a revote, hoping to get Lucy's support of Tracy thrown out and to win someone from Tracy's side over to his. He also uses his nice treatment of Carly to win more favor with Michael. Felix is Carly's new gay bestie, and she's so grateful for his advice and hangover remedies that she promises him free use of the hotel ballroom for the Nurses' Ball. Patrick resists Britt's attempts to push their relationship (or whatever it is) forward. Epiphany is reasonably angry that no one told her about the ball. Sabrina admits that Felix didn't want her to know because she doesn't know how to have fun.

Just when you think things can't get any crazier, there's Heather.

Why does McBain need a cane? He was stabbed in the chest.

Okay, Felix, you're slowly winning me over.

Why do I feel like they only did Carly's story because Laura Wright wanted a haircut (which I do not like)?

Ha, I love that Britt shot herself in the foot by getting Sabrina removed as Emma's babysitter.

January 18th, 2013

Todd pleads insanity, so Diane takes the idea and runs with it. Carly confronts him on the stand, asking if his supposed PTSD means their relationship (or whatever it was) meant nothing. He decides he'd rather stay out of jail than win her back, and he ends up being send to Ferncliff. Tracy remembers a "sanity clause" in something or other that will allow her to fire Lucy. A.J. hightails it to Ferncliff to get Lucy to change her vote by telling her he'll help her slay "Caleb." It almost works but he runs out of time. A.J. thinks Lucy's his last chance to run ELQ, but Heather begs to differ. Maxie asks Britt to implant another embryo so she can just pretend she's been pregnant this whole time. Britt can't because Maxie's already pregnant. Spinelli tells Maxie once again that he loves her but is going to stay with Ellie (whose condition is improving). Lulu (who's annoying in any country) and Dante learn that Luke was shot.

Does Heather have ELQ shares? That would not be good.

I'm sorry, who was it who predicted this turn in Maxie's plot? Oh, right – IT WAS ME.

Heh, "vice president in charge of paper clips" is what Ned used to call A.J. By the way, when is Ned coming back?

What's with all the plaid shirts?

Arrested: Lucy Coe
Committed: Lucy Coe, Todd Manning
Dead, officially: Trey Mitchell
Injured: Todd Manning, John McBain
Pregnant: Maxie Jones

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Todd waving goodbye to Johnny while the paramedics were taking him away; "You're all drunk and stabby"; "Does this mean there's not going to be any spooning?"; Lucy: "You're not Duke!" Duke: *massive eyeroll*; Todd giving Lucy double thumbs-up for staking McBain; Lucy: "Who are you?" Heather: "Heather Webber." Lucy: "EWWWWWWW"; Michael's horrible attempts at lying
Funniest moment (unintentional): Cop: "Shut up!" Todd: "You shut up!"
Saddest moment: The continued saga of poor Trey
Sweetest/cutest moment: Olivia's scene with Trey was sweet
Least believable moment: Maxie thinks her miscarriage will ruin her friendship with Lulu
Most annoying character: Lulu. Seriously, shut up, Lulu
Smartest character: A.J., even if his plan doesn't work out
Dumbest character: Whoever let Sonny take Connie to the hospital without a police escort
Things we learned this week: 1. Kevin and Lucy are married.
2. "Spoilation" is a word.
3. Michael can't lie.
4. I am always right. Always.

January 19th, 2013

Next week: Party up at Ferncliff! Anyone else want to check in?

January 22nd, 2013

Maxie takes 15 minutes to figure out that she's pregnant with her own baby, not Lulu and Dante's, and that Spinelli's the father. I guess Mac and Felicia never explained the birds and the bees to her. Britt encourages her to tell Spinelli, but Maxie decides it's better to let him be happy about Ellie's improvements. Except then Spinelli ruins that happiness himself by telling Ellie what he and Maxie did on New Year's Eve. Lulu and Dante rescue Luke, who immediately goes to see Anna. She's happy to see him and wants to avoid Duke, who Luke doesn't know is back, so it's pretty awkward when Duke interrupts their reunion. Sonny and Anna have no friends to talk to, so they talk to each other about their respective love lives. She thinks he's developing feelings for Connie, and Olivia thinks the same about Connie's feelings for Sonny. Mac and Felicia are reduced to giving people advice because they don't have their own storyline.

I hate so much that I agree with Britt's advice to Maxie. Except for the part where she's advocating basically trapping Spinelli.

Points for honesty, Spinelli, but your timing could have been a lot better.

Why is Steven Ellie's doctor? He's not a neurologist. The last time we saw her with a doctor, it was Patrick.

Whose idea were the Sonny/Anna scenes? Did someone pull names out of a hat?

January 23rd, 2013

The dog is back, but it's really a jackal, because the baby's father is the Jackal. Also, Maxie is totally going to pretend the baby is Lulu and Dante's. Luke and Duke immediately face off over Anna, who's temporarily going the Kelly Taylor route. Sabrina and Patrick have to explain to poor Emma that Sabrina won't be sitting for her anymore. Emma has lots of feelings about this, and about Britt, who she admits to Patrick she doesn't like. Ellie is understandably ticked at Spinelli, but also a little paranoid because she thinks Maxie sabotaged her car to keep her from meeting him on New Year's Eve. Connie has a crush on Sonny, but she doesn't want to deal with him if he just wants Kate back.

I realized about ten minutes before the jackal reveal that Spinelli's started calling himself the Jackal again. Also, that dog ain't no jackal. Also also, Maxie, the miscarriage wouldn't have ruined this friendship, but this? This will.

Hey, Lulu finally figured out that she's obnoxious! It only took her three months!

Five bucks says Anna picks Luke two minutes before Laura comes back.

This Sonny/Connie stuff bores me, but I'm willing to put up with it (by which I mean fast-forward through it) if it means Kate stays gone.

January 24th, 2013

A.J. tells Michael that according to Heather, there's something in Edward's will that could help him get control of ELQ. Michael refuses to work with Heather, filling A.J. in on her Sam/Jason/Danny-related activities. A.J. moves on to plan B, which is taking Skye's old suggestion to ask Johnny for the dirt on Tracy and the Soleito money. Michael offers to take care of that, so A.J. occupies himself by going to see Carly. Ned visits to help Tracy brainstorm, since her current plan is to play up the vampire angle to keep Lucy crazy. Actually, he thinks she should give up, but she won't, so he suggests dividing and conquering A.J. and Michael instead. To Tracy, this means turning to Sonny. Todd boasts to Johnny that he's going to Ferncliff instead of Pentonville, and will eventually walk away a free man. Sam objects, but McBain wants to handle the justice part of it. Felix doles out unsuccessful advice to Sabrina (get a makeover) and Carly (hook up with A.J.). Elizabeth lets Patrick know that not everyone likes Britt, and that there's more to Britt and Sabrina's antagonism toward each other than he understands. Patrick totally ignores Emma's admission from the previous day and agrees to let Britt hang out with them. Epiphany needs something fun to do.

I'd like to know how Michael can justify working with Johnny when he won't work with Heather. I think Starr would like to know that, too.

If the relish turns out to be important, I might cry.

Nedly! Please stay. Sometimes I think you're the only normal person around.

Britt, stop being so annoying that Elizabeth looks better in comparison!

January 25th, 2013

Carly accuses A.J. of trying to turn Michael against her. For some reason, he tells her that Heather hinted there might be something in Edward's will that could help him. Carly totally knows something, possibly about a potential heir, but won't tell him. Ned eavesdrops on the conversation, learning both that A.J. knows about the Soleito money and that there could be another heir. Tracy tells Sonny about the Soleito money (which I really thought everyone knew about by now) and asks him to help her get evidence. Her reasoning is that A.J. will break the law and let Michael take the fall. Sonny decides to stick to his plan to let A.J. dig his own grave and let Michael find out on his own that his father is a loser. Meanwhile, Michael accomplishes what Tracy can't, getting Johnny to turn over the evidence. Emma is delightfully bratty toward Britt, eventually telling her straight out that she doesn't like her. Britt says the same about her, taunting that she and Patrick are going to be together for a long time. Understandably upset, Emma splits. Starr and Molly try to talk Kristina down from getting some sort of violent revenge on Connie. Just when they think they've succeeded, she shows up at Connie's office with a baseball bat. T.J. thinks Connie's recent loss will make her willing to give Molly back her book. He's wrong. Elizabeth basically tells Sabrina to stop listening to Britt, since Patrick wouldn't be so concerned about Sabrina if it were true that she made him uncomfortable. Sabrina's still too much of a wuss to go after him, though.

Digging around for spoilers on the potential missing Quartermaine heir brought me to the reminder that Franco once told Carly he has a daughter named Lauren. I always thought he was just lying about that (and that it was a bit of an inside joke, since that's Laura Wright's daughter's name). But if she exists, she would be a Q heir only Carly would know about. The question is, how old is she?

For some reason, I loved Ned and Sonny completely ignoring each other in Tracy's office. That's definitely something they would do.

If Tracy really wanted Sonny to help, she would take her A.J.-will-commit-crimes-and-blame-Michael angle even farther and say that Michael will wind up back in prison. THAT would get Sonny moving.

Five bucks (yes, that's my go-to bet) says Emma's going to the hospital to see Sabrina.

So...when Kevin comes (next week! Eeeee!), he can give Kristina some much-needed therapy, right?

I always forget that T.J.'s dad died. I keep thinking Shawn's his father and have to remind myself he's not. (Also, I keep waiting for the revelation that Shawn IS T.J.'s father. Also also, are we ever going to meet T.J.'s mother? Alexis/Shawn/Mama T.J. would be an interesting love triangle.

Back in town: Ned Ashton, Luke Spencer
Injured: Luke Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Tracy: "I'm going to Ferncliff." Ned: "And not a moment too soon"; Todd "The crazy bar is set really high in this town"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Lulu calling Olivia smart and grounded, and Olivia giving a look that said, "Ehhhhh..."; Johnny calling Ferncliff a high-security facility
Saddest moment: Britt making Emma cry
Sweetest/cutest moment: The dog is back!
Least believable moment: Tracy doesn't think A.J. knows about the Soleito money – why does she think Skye wouldn't have told him?
Most annoying character: Starts with a B, rhymes with "twit," Felix has a fun nickname for her
Smartest character: Elizabeth, and seriously, that needs to stop. It makes me feel weird
Dumbest character: Kristina, do you really think this is going to end well?
Previously unanswered question now answered: Olivia's vision of the dog (really a jackal) ACTUALLY means that Spinelli's the baby's father.
Unanswered question of the week: Who is the potential Quartermaine heir Carly knows about?
Things we learned this week: 1. Jackals look like dogs (at least to Olivia).
2. Britt is even more horrible than we thought.
3. Someone in the Davis house owns a baseball bat.
4. There may be another Quartermaine.

January 26th, 2013

Next week: Everyone's going to feel really stupid when Kevin confirms Lucy's sanity.

January 28th, 2013

A.J. uses the Soleito money to blackmail Tracy into resigning as CEO and signing him into office. She compliments Michael on finally turning into his biological father instead of just acting like his adoptive father. Then she takes their proof against her to Connie and asks her to publish it in the Sun. Sonny talks Kristina down, but Connie can't keep her mouth shut and calls her a psycho, getting herself attacked. She calls the police and Kristina confesses to the assault, so she's off to jail. Patrick and Anna panic over Emma's disappearance while Britt keeps her mouth shut about why she might have run off. Sabrina randomly stumbles across Emma on the docks. Felix takes Sabrina and Elizabeth to the Haunted Star and tries to fix them up with Spinelli (Sabrina), Max (Elizabeth), and Milo (himself). Elizabeth isn't interested in Max, and Milo is, you know, straight, but Sabrina finds a kindred spirit in Spinelli since they both have frustrating love lives. Spinelli even tells her he slept with Maxie, but Lulu overhears and freaks out. Steven gives Ellie relationship advice because he has nothing better to do. She decides to give Spinelli another chance, unwittingly interrupting just as Maxie's about to tell him about the baby.

Tracy may be the only person on the show to understand blackmail: When someone has a loaded gun to your head, pull the trigger yourself so there's nothing left to hold over you.

Why doesn't Jason Thompson have an Emmy yet? His slowly progressing meltdown today was genius.

Also genius: Rebecca Herbst's facial expressions when Max was trying to flirt with Elizabeth.

I guess no one told Sabrina it's a bad idea to wander around Port Charles by yourself after dark.

Lulu, I swear to God, if you don't shut up...

January 29th, 2013

Tracy and Connie have a weird bonding moment over being rejected by men who want other women. Connie agrees to publish the news about the Soleito money, because Tracy would rather go to jail than let A.J. ruin the company. Alexis sends Sonny back to Connie to ask her to drop the charges against Kristina, but that doesn't work, so Kristina's spending at least the night in jail. Sabrina takes Emma back to Patrick and busts Britt for saying she doesn't like her. It's not clear whether Patrick believes her, but he at least doesn't want Britt around right now. Britt warns Sabrina not to mess with their relationship (if that's what it is), but Sabrina finally stands up to her, warning her not to hurt Emma. Starr's more okay with Michael's actions than he is. A.J. gives Duke a job at ELQ.

Oh, Tracy. You're about to have even more competition for Luke.

Say hi to Johnny, Kristina!

Rock on, Sabrina. That backbone is growing in nicely.

Did Starr just stand around for an hour before doing something? Instead of the random scene they had yesterday where Sonny called Tracy just to tell her again he wasn't going to help her, they should have shown Starr calling Sonny to warn him that Kristina might have gone after Connie.

January 30th, 2013

Kevin (yay!) arrives in Port Charles and tells Alexis, Sam, and McBain that Lucy has ranted about Caleb and vampires for years but he's never been able to help her. After a brief talk with Alexis, he announces he's going home, then heads to Ferncliff to see his wife. Alison brings her teenage son Rafe to Port Charles, telling him Lucy is their ally and they're finally going to be safe from the man they've been running from for years. She leaves him in an alley with an arrow-type thing and goes to the PCPD, where she's stunned to see McBain, who she thinks is Caleb. Lucy thinks Todd has an escape plan and asks to tag along. He agrees to vouch for her sanity if she'll vouch for his insanity. Starr busts him for faking the crazy and threatens to expose him if he continues the charade. Ned has to leave town for a Brook-related emergency, but he leaves Tracy a note telling her there may be another heir with another 6 percent. She rushes to stop Connie from publishing the Soleito bombshell, but she's too late. A.J. is furious over the news and suspects that Sonny leaked the story. When he and Michael question Connie, she's angry enough with Sonny to confirm A.J.'s suspicions. Michael and Starr plead with Connie to drop the charges against Kristina, but she still won't budge. Sonny tries a different tack: If Connie drops the charges, she can take him to bed.

My theory: Kevin is lying. He knows Lucy's telling the truth but wants to make her look crazy so she can plead insanity. Otherwise, she's going to jail for stabbing a cop. If he is lying, he deserves an Emmy for his poker face when he saw a woman who looked just like his daughter.

By the way, when Kevin says "the children," does he mean Serena and Christina? I thought Christina was Scott's daughter. And Serena is Michael's age, so hearing her referred to as a child is weird.

Hey, show, way to bring in a character who hasn't been on TV for ten years, and was last on a different show, but not have anyone say her name. Let me clear things up: The blonde is Alison. She can confirm Lucy's stories. I don't like her, but I think someone's going to take care of that problem for me before the week is over. Rafe is staying, I believe, so I'm pleased that the actor seems competent, especially for a teenager.

Oh, so that's why they had that Sonny/Tracy scene. Now can someone explain the reason for today's Sonny/Olivia scenes? I'd much rather see her having strange visions.

January 31st, 2013

Alison tries to get Sam away from McBain, repeating the same things Lucy said about him being Caleb. They think Lucy sent her to back up her insanity defense, so Sam heads to Ferncliff to talk to her. Alison calls McBain and summons him to the docks, where she plans to stab him with the arrow thing. Lucy tries to convince Kevin that vampires are real, his daughter's in danger, etc., and he sadly realizes that he can't get involved in her mental instability again. She predicts that when people start turning up dead, he'll change his mind. And by "people," she means Alison, who Rafe finds dead on the docks, having been stabbed by the arrow thing. Molly comes across Rafe and buys him lunch, since he's basically homeless. They have more in common than she and T.J. do, so he should probably be worried. Connie's lies about Sonny manage to do what A.J.'s been trying to do on his own: push Michael even farther away from Sonny. Sonny warns Connie that she's going to destroy her own life. Luke's on to Tracy for leaking the Soleito story to the Sun. She tells him about the potential heir and asks him to talk to Carly. Britt somehow talks her way out of the Emma debacle, then taunts Sabrina that neither she nor "that little brat" will break her and Patrick up. Fortunately, Patrick overhears. The bank stops payment on Tracy's check, so Elizabeth goes to see A.J. and finds him having what he thinks is a heart attack.

See, my Alison problem is solved. To quote Buffy, thanks for stopping by and dying.

Does that arrow thing have a name? And if it's not wooden, what's the point of it?

Does Molly not go to school anymore? Every time we hear about her now, she's taking care of Danny.

Are they going to put A.J. and Elizabeth together? I think that would make her president of the Slept with Siblings Club.

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