January 5th, 2015

Bobbie's surprised by Fluke's reaction when she teases that he could be Bill Eckert. Apparently Bill wasn't a great guy, and Fluke is offended that Bobbie and Ned remember him that way. So that's probably significant. Ava manages to snag a few minutes with the baby, who finally gets a name: Avery. Kiki's worried that Ava will be in danger once she and Sonny are under the same roof. Morgan tells Sonny that he's Avery's father, but Sonny's more concerned with the fact that Michael and Carly are still on the outs. Maxie and Nathan go at it like bunnies all over their apartment. Olivia immediately regrets her New Year's Eve romp with Julian, but he thinks it'll help them drive Ned and Alexis apart. Alexis and Ned are definitely doing great now that they're a couple again, and are definitely not thinking of other people, and are definitely very, very happy, so why would you suggest otherwise?

So...I guess Fluke is Bill, huh? I wonder why they waited so long to bring him up? Unless it's a red herring, which would be great. And the better twist would be for him to be Sly, but I doubt that would happen.

Also, didn't Bill date Julia Barrett? As in Barrett Enterprises? Hmmm...

Avery? I can live with it. I'm just glad the kid has a name at all. Plus, it makes me think of Avery from 30 Rock, so that's cool.

Why is Sonny surprised that Carly didn't do what he told her to? When has she ever?

Between Ned being overprotective of Olivia and the guards leering at Ava, today was not a good day for men. Well, except for Nathan.

January 6th, 2015

Johnny brags to Sonny that he'll soon be able to run the Jeromes' organization because he won't be behind bars. Meanwhile, Sloane tells Anna that Padilla (remember her?) testified at a grand jury hearing that she took part in a conspiracy led by Anna to pin Anthony's murder on Johnny. Johnny's confession is thrown out, his sentence is commuted, and his promise to Sonny is fulfilled: He's a free man. Fluke gives Carlos the chance to make up for the Ric debacle by killing Julian. Ric and Carly are both curious about Elizabeth and Jason's feelings for each other. Also, Sonny still won't see Carly, so her only friend right now is Jason. Julian confesses his more recent crimes to Lucas, who seems to be okay with his father being back on the wrong side of the law. Alexis calls Olivia out for trying to hurt her by sleeping with Julian. Olivia calls her out back by dating Ned when she probably still has feelings for Julian.

I love, love, LOVE, LOVE that Padilla, a character who hasn't been on for over two years and who hasn't been mentioned since she basically disappeared, is the reason Johnny's out of prison. Sometimes the show's attention to history amazes me. By the way, should I be this excited that Johnny's out of Pentonville? I'm rooting for a murderer. This is not right.

So...how many episodes before they give us a Johnny/Maxie scene? I've been waiting for another one for YEARS.

A caviar omelet? Isn't that just a bunch of eggs?

I don't get Lucas. Maybe I would understand him better if he were on the show more than once every two months.

January 7th, 2015

Fluke visits Luke, who's been kept in his childhood home, and stuns him by mentioning a sister Luke didn't think anyone knew about. Luke figures out that he's probably Bill, but Fluke won't confirm this. Speaking of this childhood home, Michael wants to turn it into his clinic. Johnny immediately rekindles his friendship with Lulu, who believes he was falsely incarcerated. Carly and Olivia aren't quite as happy to see Johnny as Lulu is. Dante worries that he'll pull Lulu back to the dark side. Carlos comes up with a plan to keep Julian alive, and somehow it involves Julian confessing to Anthony's murder and going to Pentonville. Bobbie urges Michael to forgive Carly. Ned tells Tracy that he saw Bobbie and Luke fighting, which surprises her. She's also not sure why Luke would be so negative about Bill. Ned discusses Olivia and Alexis with Tracy while Carly figures out that Olivia slept with Julian. They bond over disliking Alexis and making bad decisions about men.

There's another Spencer?? I've been watching this show since 1996 and I've NEVER heard of Patricia Spencer. And why did Fluke say he and Bobbie talked about her when they didn't?

Oh, Lulu, you poor, naïve bunny. Johnny was totally guilty.

Eddie's Pickle-Eddie Relish? Thumbs down, Tracy.

"Alexis is the queen of morals and ethics, except when she's not." YES. Carly has never been more right about anything.

January 8th, 2015

Dante and Nathan warn Johnny to stay away from Lulu and Maxie, because jealousy and territoriality are good looks for men. Tracy questions Fluke about his behavior with Bobbie, but he just says he doesn't like talking about his past. Then he visits Johnny, who reports that Julian confessed to Anthony's murder without being prompted. Michael asks Ned to contact Jenny to find out about Bill's ownership of the Spencers' house. Jenny has no idea that it's in Bill's name, and neither does Sly, who would, as Bill's heir, be the actual owner. He gives Michael the go-ahead to do whatever he wants with the house. Nikolas confirms to Sam that Spencer saw Helena with Britt the night she and Faison left town, so she was most likely behind his escape. Sam shares her suspicions about Jason, wondering if he's faking his amnesia and was planted in town by Helena. A few more memory flashes make Jason tell Carly why Sam doesn't like him, then make him admit that he's not sure if she's right about him. Maxie and Lulu congratulate themselves on how much they've matured in the past few years, at least in terms of their choice of men. Sonny bugs Julian about why he confessed to Anthony's murder.

The fact that Johnny knows about Fluke makes me very uneasy...

I'm sorry, but when Michael wears a tie and sits behind that big desk, he looks like a kid playing pretend. I still love you, though, Chad Duell.

Ugh, shut up, Dante. This is not a good look for you.

I'm not sure why, exactly, but Lulu and Maxie ogling Jason made me giggle.

January 9th, 2015

Fluke boasts to Luke about how well his plans are going, and plots to kill him and Bobbie. He's unaware that Michael and Bobbie are upstairs, checking out the house. Sonny and Julian save each other from some of Johnny's minions, though Sonny resists continuing the partnership. Julian warns him that Johnny's not the real threat, then reveals that his boss is disguised as Luke. Sam gets Obrecht to admit that Helena and her soldier boy arranged Faison's escape, but Obrecht doesn't know who said soldier boy is, since he was masked the whole time. Carly's sure that Jason didn't do anything to Sam and convinces him to see Kevin. When Jason arrives for his appointment, he's met by Helena. Helena eavesdropped on Sam and Nikolas' conversation yesterday, so now she knows that Sam is looking into Faison's escape. Nikolas eavesdrops right back, hearing her tell Fluke that she'll take care of Sam. Helena goes on again about how Nikolas needs to fulfill his family duties, telling him that they're going to expand business-wise. He's surprised to learn that this expansion will somehow involve ELQ. Helena also tells him that Obrecht lied about Victor behind Nathan's father.

There's such random stuff in the Spencers' house. Like, was that a maple-syrup jug that Fluke smashed?

Am I crazy or would it be super-fun if Sonny and Julian teamed up?

"Delicate Nurse Webber's favorite roadkill?" Ohhhhh, Obrecht actually made me laugh.

What are the odds that we'll actually see Kevin next week? I'm going to say 250 to 1.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Julian Jerome
Exonerated: Johnny Zacchara

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Lulu being happy to have helped set up Maxie and Nathan's New Year's Eve date because she was rewarded with the sight of Nathan in a towel
Funniest moment (unintentional): Carly's "I am disgusted" face during Johnny and Olivia's conversation
Saddest moment: Morgan getting teary while visiting Sonny
Sweetest/cutest moment: Maxie and Lulu talking about cute boys
Least believable moment: Obrecht is familiar with Grey's Anatomy (and she's a few seasons behind – the hospital isn't called Seattle Grace anymore)
Best instance of continuity: Ned and Bill were once brothers-in-law
Worst instance of continuity: I know they're not allowed to use their names, but we all remember that Johnny killed two other people while trying to kill Anthony, right?
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Dante, and that stupid he-man thing better not rub off on Nathan
Smartest character: Sam, whose suspicions about Jason are all correct except one
Dumbest character: N/A
Inside joke: Fluke saying he looks nothing like Bill, which is a neat trick when they were played by the same person
Things we learned this week: 1. Fluke is most likely Bill Eckert.
2. Luke and Bobbie have a sister.

The week in a nutshell:

• Fluke behavior came into question when Bobbie brought up Bill Eckert, and Tracy and Ned noticed his negative reaction. Fluke proceeded with his plans, despite the fact that his allies were all struggling, and plotted against Luke and Bobbie. Meanwhile, Michael and Bobbie unknowingly found his lair, Luke and Bobbie's childhood home.
• Johnny finagled a release from Pentonville and quickly met up with all his old girlfriends. Dante and Nathan weren't happy about it.
• Fluke sent Carlos after Julian, but instead of killing him, Carlos convinced Julian to confess to killing Anthony and get himself sent to Pentonville. Julian and Sonny teamed up to fight some of Johnny's men, and Sonny learned that Fluke isn't Luke.
• Sam looked into Faison's escape, and though she was able to confirm that Helena orchestrated it, she still had no evidence that Jason was involved. Jason, however, still had his suspicions and shared them with Carly. Carly sent him to an appointment with Kevin, but he encountered Helena instead.
• Olivia, Ned, and Alexis were all unhappy that Olivia slept with Julian.
• Ava named the baby Avery, and Sonny learned that she's his.
• Maxie and Nathan are very compatible, we'll say.
• Elizabeth was happy with Ric, but also thinking a little about Jason.

January 10th, 2015

Next week: It must be spring, because I see a Robin. (Unless I'm wrong about her return date, in which case this will be really embarrassing.)

January 12th, 2015

Helena activates Jason and gives him a new assignment: kill Sam. Carly and Maxie both think Jason is innocent of Sam's accusations, and that she's taking out her anger about Faison on an innocent person. Fluke is furious to learn that Bill owns the house. Sonny wants to go to the cops with Julian's information about Fluke, but Julian doesn't think they'll be safe from Johnny's minions. Maxie and Nathan are still overly amorous, and also having conversations in bed about Sam and Jason. Nikolas is confused as to why Helena has ELQ stock certificates with Tracy's name on them, until Alexis tells him that Tracy gave all her shares to Jerry in exchange for Luke. Tracy fills Lulu in on Fluke's recent behavior, but the two of them are more intrigued with Johnny's sudden freedom and Julian's surprise confession.

Fingers crossed that Sam and Jason's plot turns into Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

This Patricia Spencer better either show up or become a major plot point, because she's been mentioned six or seven times now. Actually, so has Anthony. That can't be good.

Michael, is your Spidey sense tingling? Is that superpower hereditary along the Quartermaine bloodline?

Stealing "League of Psychopaths" from Sonny as a collective name for Fluke, Helena, Jerry, and Faison.

January 13th, 2015

A ballot box for the mayoral election went missing on election day, and through flashbacks, we find out what happened to it. Lomax accuses Nikolas of taking it, since he was Felicia's main donor, so Sloane makes Anna get Dante and Nathan to investigate. The two of them and Lulu find the box, which Spencer confesses he had his guard pull out of the harbor on New Year's Eve. He went out to watch the fireworks and saw a man and a woman dumping it in the water. That man and woman were Shawn and Jordan, and dumping the box was Jordan's loyalty test from Duke. Duke got the box from Lucy, who stole it to ensure that Felicia won the election, since Lomax was expected to get more votes from the Elm Street area. Once the ballots are counted, Lomax is announced the winner. She immediately fires Anna and replaces her with Sloane, which worries Jordan. Once they're alone, Lomax and Sloane pat themselves on the back for their successful scheme. Felicia was the real winner, but Sloane got the Elm Street ballots switched by applying pressure to a "mutual friend" of his and Lomax's: Nikolas.

I'll admit, when I read that this episode would be all about the election, I had no interest in it, but I wound up liking it. Plus, they managed to stuff two months' worth of storytelling into an hour, which is pretty impressive.

I guess Jordan doesn't watch Scandal, or she would know that you can, in fact, rig an election without the participation of either candidate.

Why does Lucy get to live in the lighthouse? Kick her out, Kevin! That's your place! She doesn't deserve such a cool place to live!

I WANT MAXIE'S DRESS.

Why would Sloane want to go from federal agent to small-town police commissioner?

Someone on the writing staff is so proud of him- or herself for that "'bye, Felicia" line.

Nikolas contributed to Felicia's campaign in the first place...why?

MSNPC. Hee.

January 14th, 2015

Nikolas confronts Helena about the ELQ stocks, and she confronts him right back about the election fraud. He tells her he agreed to it to protect Spencer, since Sloane knew he'd taken the box. He announces that he's done making a fool of himself in his personal life, and he'd like to become a true Cassadine. lighted, Helena invites him to help the League of Psychopaths (TM Sonny) take over ELQ. He agrees to get Brook's stocks, and Helena informs him that she has an ally who's about to start working for Michael. That ally is Rosalie, who Michael hires as his assistant after his conveniently quits, and after Rosalie turns down a job offer at the clinic because she's not really a nurse. Sam tries to access Kevin's patient files to find out more about Jason's appointment, but Patrick catches her. He manages to convince her to back off of the investigation. Carly goes to Jason to whine about Michael and almost finds the gun and dark clothes he's stashed for Operation: Dead Wife. Anna and Maxie both realize that Sloane and Lomax rigged the election, but they can't figure out how. Maxie is unsure about living with Nathan so early in their relationship, so she makes him move out.

I'm sure Brook would be happy to hand over shares of her family's company to some guy she hooked up with a couple times four years ago.

Here's hoping Nikolas is pretending to go full Cassadine as a long con to find out what Helena's up to.

UGHHHHHHHH DON'T TALK ABOUT EMILY.

Why was Sam investigating why Jason went to see Kevin? Carly already told her why. I know it was all a contrivance to get her close to finding out that there was no appointment, but it was dumb.

"Sammy"? Ew. No. Pick a new nickname, Patrick.

January 15th, 2015

Helena tells Nikolas that she trusts Rosalie to do her bidding because otherwise she'll expose that big secret Rosalie has. She also tells Nikolas that she's aligned with Luke. Michael takes Rosalie to the Spencers' house and attempts to get into the basement. Helena orders Rosalie to keep him out, so Rosalie fakes a twisted ankle. Sonny tells Shawn about Fluke and instructs him to follow the double. Shawn wants to get Jordan involved, but Sonny isn't sure he can trust her yet. Shawn easily catches up to Fluke at the Spencers' house. Sloane bugs Dante and Nathan about Anna's confidential informant, but they pretend they don't know anything, since they've already promised Anna that they'll be Jordan's handlers. Jordan wants to quit, but Anna points out that she won't have any protection if she ends her cover. She can't reveal who she is until Shawn and Duke are in prison. Johnny buys back his half of the Haunted Star and asks to work with Lulu again, even though Dante won't be happy. Lulu's also not happy upon finding out that her husband pulled his sexist stay-away-from-my-wife crap. Johnny also begs Fluke to give him a second chance after failing to have Julian killed.

I know she's always a step ahead on things, but Helena's really putting a lot of faith in Nikolas to tell him Luke is involved in her plans (though she's still lying). How does she know he's not going to run off and tell Lulu?

Dante, I agree that your new boss is a jerk, but stop being snotty and sarcastic. And brush your hair.

I'm really unclear on where they're going with Sloane. At first I thought he was just a temporary character, but they've recast him with a soap vet, so I think he'll be sticking around for a while. Is he a bad guy? Is he just being forced to do bad stuff? Is he going to fall for Anna? Why did he dye his hair? Okay, that last question might not fit with the others.

If I were Jordan, I'd be out of there so fast. This is the worst arrangement ever. (Also, if I were Jordan, I would have much better hair and flawless skin.)

January 16th, 2015

Sam admits to Alexis that she's not sure she's ready to date again, but she keeps her date with Patrick anyway. Elizabeth is also uncertain about Sam and Patrick getting together; she thinks Sam's fixation on "Jake" as the gunman stems from her grief for Jason, which means she's not ready to move on. Ultimately, Sam and Patrick head to the bedroom...just before Jason arrives at the penthouse to enact Operation: Dead Wife. Shawn eavesdrops on Fluke and Helena, learning that they're working together and that there's something interesting in the basement. Fluke gets paranoid about unlocked doors and possible intruders, guessing that Julian hasn't kept his mouth shut about him being an imposter. Lulu chastises Dante for being a jerk about Johnny. Dante's all, "What did I do wrong? I'm not the bad guy here!" Lulu blurts out that she and Johnny are working together again, so Dante urges her to sell her half of the Haunted Star. Michael takes Rosalie to the hospital, where he's surprised to see that Lucas is now an intern. Lucas happily accepts a job running the clinic, despite only being an intern and having, like, three days of work as a doctor under his belt. It's really just a chance for Lucas to weigh in on Michael's grudges against everyone – he thinks Michael will eventually drop them, especially when he realizes that Morgan no longer has anyone to hold his hand. Elizabeth invites Jason to have dinner with her and the boys, but Jason doesn't want to spend time with her because he thinks he'll just want more of a relationship with her. Julian thinks Sonny's crazy for telling Shawn about Fluke, since the second Fluke figures out he's being tailed, he'll know Sonny's on to him, and that Julian tattled. Julian's also worried that Fluke will get revenge on Michael and/or Lucas.

Use protection, Sam and Patrick. DEAR BABY JESUS, PLEASE USE PROTECTION.

Shawn was going to break into the basement while Fluke was down there? I'm not sure he's an expert in this reconnaissance thing. Maybe Julian's right to be concerned.

At this point, I'm on the verge of actively rooting for Lulu to cheat on Dante with Johnny, because he is SO FREAKING ANNOYING.

Now that Lucas has a job, let's hope he gets more screentime.

Scorecard:
Fired: Anna Devane

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Michael, re: horror movies: "You do know they aren't documentaries, right?"; Maxie saying the punishment for shooting a cop should be harsher if the cop is hot
Funniest moment (unintentional): The idea of a Pentonville Coffee Klatch (TM Helena)
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Maxie and Nathan are still cute, but would be cuter if they would hang out in places other than bed
Least believable moment: We haven't heard about the missing ballot box until this week
Best instances of continuity: Maha Chang, a designer who's been mentioned before; Nikolas and Brook had a (very brief) relationship
Worst instance of continuity: Johnny didn't sell his half of the Haunted Star; he gave it to what's-her-face. I guess we're supposed to believe he sold it later but didn't give her the money?
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Dante
Smartest character: Maxie, for figuring out that the election was rigged (I know Anna did, too, but Maxie deserves more credit because she had less information to work with, and...you know. It's Maxie)
Dumbest character: Fluke, for not immediately sending someone after Julian again after the failed hit
Things we learned this week: 1. Rosalie is under Helena's thumb.
2. She was also never a nurse.
3. Sam has secret cooking skills even she didn't know about.

The week in a nutshell:

• Helena tried to cover her tracks in Faison's escape plan by ordering Jason to kill Sam.
• There was a big election scandal we never heard about, and a missing ballot box that changed hands between Lucy, Duke, Shawn and Jordan, Spencer, and Nikolas. Felicia was elected mayor, but some votes were swapped out (then burned by Nikolas), so Lomax was named the winner. She quickly fired Anna and replaced her with Sloane, who helped her rig the election.
• Nikolas told Helena he wants to be a real Cassadine, so she told him a little about her dealings with Fluke, and revealed that she has the ELQ shares Tracy and Alice gave Jerry.
• Sonny had Shawn follow Fluke, and it didn't take long for Shawn to figure out that he's using the Spencer house as a lair. Speaking of the house, Helena made her newest ally, Rosalie, chase Michael away from it.
• Jordan reluctantly kept her cover, with only Nathan and Dante knowing she's undercover.
• Dante got sexist and overprotective re: Johnny, who wants to work with Lulu again at the Haunted Star.
• Sam and Patrick had a successful date, skipping dinner in favor of sex.
• Lucas started at GH as an intern, then agreed to run Michael's clinic.
• Maxie and Nathan had a lot of sex, and then she told him to find another place to live.

January 17th, 2015

Next week: Maybe now Robin will be on?

January 19th, 2015

While Sam and Patrick get closer (yes, like that), Jason creeps around the penthouse, having a small flicker of memory about a conversation with Sam. Just as he's about to complete Operation: Dead Wife, he's stopped by a hallucination of Robin. She tells him she's a manifestation of his attempts to fight Helena's programming because he doesn't really want to hurt Sam. A confused Jason tells Helena, who's just been assuring Fluke that things will work out, that he can't get to Sam because she's not alone. Helena tells him to kill Patrick, too. Michael catches Shawn before he can access the basement and summons Dante to lock him up for trespassing. Shawn gets away without being arrested, and manages to snag some useful information to pass along to Sonny: First, that Fluke and Helena are working together, and second, that the house belonged to Bill. Lulu wants Dante and Johnny to act like big boys. Carly and Elizabeth compare notes on Jason and realize that something's going on with him. Sonny and Julian take on more of Johnny's minions, which is getting old.

If Helena is the devil on Jason's shoulder, then of course Robin is the angel. The only other option is Emily.

"Who did you think I was talking about?" Jax, Patrick. She thought you wanted her to compare you to Jax.

Patrick: "I like this place where we are right now." Jason's bed? Just keeping things in perspective.

Interesting that there isn't any one person (with the possible exception of Faison and Jerry) who knows 100 percent what Helena's up to. She hasn't told Fluke that "Jake" is Jason. She told Nikolas that she was working with Luke, not an imposter. Rosalie doesn't know what the heck is going on. She has a lot of things going on, and if one falls apart, it won't bring down the rest. This is why Helena almost always wins. She's smarter than everyone else.

Couldn't Dante have arrested Shawn for trespassing even if it's not Michael's property? Trespassing is trespassing, right?

"The man is no Jason," says Julian, who...has never met Jason. Nice words for his son-in-law, though.

January 20th, 2015

Jason can't carry out Operation: Dead Wife because being in the penthouse brings back a few distracting memories. Specifically, he remembers giving Sam a wedding ring, keeping his own wedding ring in a container by the bed (where it still is), and Sam giving him the phoenix the night he "died." He snags the phoenix and leaves before he gets caught, then passes out on the docks. Nikolas catches Helena and Fluke talking and questions their partnership. Fluke sticks to his cover, warning Nikolas not to say anything to Lulu. Maxie runs into Johnny, who's either interested in her or just likes to flirt. Sonny's pretty sure that Fluke is Bill, and he seems to have an idea of how to prove it. Olivia and Nathan counsel Lulu and Dante on their marital issues, and ultimately Dante apologizes for being a jerk. Lulu tells him that Johnny promised he's out of the mob, because she's still an adorable, naïve little bunny.

There were three things I wanted this week: 1) Robin. 2) Jason remembering something. 3) A Maxie/Johnny scene. It's only Tuesday and we've already gotten all three. So now I'll request: 1) Jerry. 2) Luke being found. 3) Someone (anyone) finding out who "Jake" is. 4) Jason meets Monica. This week already gets an A; let's make it an A+.

Ahhh, I was wondering where the phoenix and dragon were. By the way, if that phoenix gets lost, I will scream bloody murder.

Why would Jason have a memory from the outside of a scene, like he's a third party observing it? Also, redubbing scenes with Billy Miller's voice just makes it even stranger that no one recognizes Jason's voice.

Show, please don't EVER make Tony Geary say "booty call" again.

Julian: "You already told me that this guy's supposed to be dead." Me: "So were you, sweetie." Why is anyone in this town surprised when someone comes back from the dead?

I can't believe I just now realized that Lulu and Olivia have an ex-boyfriend in common.

Shawn's going to be thrilled when he finds out he's going to be living down the hall from a cop.

January 21st, 2015

As Sam discovers that the phoenix is missing, a cop finds Jason on the docks, hypothermic from spending the night outside. He's taken to the hospital, but the phoenix remains behind. Jason has only one memory of the time period after he spoke to Elizabeth the night before, and it's so vague that all he remembers is the phoenix. Carly looks for it in his belongings but instead finds his gun. Sonny calls Michael to warn him away from Fluke and the Spencers' house. Michael won't talk to him, instead complaining to Fluke and Tracy about him. Fluke realizes that Sonny and Julian are on to him and sent Shawn to check out the house. He calls the jailbirds to warn that Michael and Lucas will pay the price for Sonny and Julian's digging. Carly bugs Shawn about what Sonny's been up to, but he keeps quiet. Alexis serves him with a restraining order on Michael's behalf, so now Shawn can't go near Michael or the Spencers' house. Sonny doesn't think that's a problem, since he has a new plan: Shawn needs to dig up Bill's grave to prove that his body isn't there. In other words, Anna and Jordan got the time-filling scenes today. Lucas and Elizabeth talk about Michael, Carly, Sonny, etc., despite neither of them really being directly involved. Anna tells Jordan that she's on her way to D.C. to learn her fate re: the Faison thing.

SAVE THE PHOENIX! SOMEONE SAVE THE PHOENIX!

She's right about the breaking/entering/theft, of course, but wouldn't it be more reasonable for Sam to think that the person who took the phoenix was a toddler who thought it was a toy? That's certainly what I would think.

Freaking A, Fluke, just move Luke somewhere else.

Sonny to Shawn: "We're going to dig up the man's grave." Me: "And by 'we,' he means you. Unless you can get Carlos to do it again."

The idea of Helena texting is so weird. Did Spencer teach her that? Does she know about emoticons?

January 22nd, 2015

Along with the gun, Carly finds dark clothes and a mask in Jason's bag, making her think he was the gunman. Jason points out that he remembers going on job interviews, so Carly guesses that those memories are the false ones. She thinks another visit to Kevin is in order. Patrick also wonders if Sam was right about Jason being the gunman, since his memory isn't reliable. He promises Elizabeth that if Jason is innocent, he'll prove it. Sonny lays all his cards on the table regarding who he thinks Fluke is, then offers to give up his territory to keep Michael and Lucas safe. Fluke won't confirm his ID or accept the territory, making it clear that he's going after Sonny and Julian's sons. Sonny thinks their only option is to break out of prison. Michael continues to be grumpy, and Lucas is kind of a saint for putting up with him. Lucas' second good deed of the day is finding the phoenix on the docks. Shawn fills Duke in on the Fluke/Sonny stuff, then heads off to dig up Bill's grave. Jordan eavesdrops and follows him to the cemetery. Alexis thinks Sam is fixated on the missing phoenix because she feels strange about moving on. Now Nathan's the one worried that his significant other will succumb to Johnny's charms.

Fluke shouldn't have threatened Michael specifically. Sonny has half a dozen kids – Fluke should have been vague and then gone after a different one.

I liked Sonny's little catch that the real Luke wouldn't quote Scripture.

Fluke called Michael and Lucas his favorite nephews, so...sorry, Morgan.

Has Julian considered calling Lucas, warning him, and telling him to pass along the message to Morgan? Or did Sonny use up all their minutes talking to Fluke about nothing?

Speaking of Lucas, God bless him for finding the phoenix, thereby putting its chances of making it back to Sam close to 100 percent. Let's hope it survives whatever Fluke has planned.

Of course Alexis is supportive of your relationship with Patrick, Sam. What mother doesn't want her daughter to date a doctor? Just the fact that he's not a criminal is all she needs.

"There are varying degrees of mobsterdom." Never change, Maxie.

Not that I have a problem with Nathan's bare chest, but seriously, enough with the Maxie/Nathan bed scenes.

January 23rd, 2015

Fluke calls Michael and Lucas to the Haunted Star to tell them he wants to throw a party there to celebrate the revitalization project. Once everything's arranged, he goes to the basement to tell Luke that he's gathering all his loved ones in one place for something big. Jordan demands to know why Shawn didn't tell her he was going to dig up Bill's grave. Shawn responds that he doesn't trust her because he thinks she's hiding something – specifically, he thinks she's a cop. She tries to brush off the accusation and he pretends to drop the topic, but it sure looks like she didn't change his mind. Sonny thinks that it'll only take a phone call to his people to put the wheels in motion for a jail break. Unfortunately, before he can make the call, Franco shows up. He threatens to rat Sonny out for having the phone if Sonny doesn't let him use it to call Nina. At Ferncliff, Nina meets Heather, though at first neither knows who the other is. Heather learns that Nina's a friend of Franco's and offers to take Nina under her wing. She keeps her identity secret from Nina, calling herself Diana. Ava runs into Madeline at Pentonville and blames her for all her problems. Madeline taunts that she's going to snow the jury at her trial the next day and will be a free woman. Ava has more problems than Madeline, though – a guard has been paid off to kill her. Lulu offers Morgan a job tending bar at the Haunted Star (hey, that rhymes!), but Michael objects to him working at Fluke's party, because Michael is a whiny six-year-old. Kiki doesn't want to talk to Morgan about their kiss, but she'll talk to Dante about it.

I'm sure it was that easy for Shawn to dig six feet down in the middle of winter in upstate New York.

Aww, I was so enjoying the vacation from Nina and Franco.

If Heather is Nina's "mother," doesn't that mean Nina's kind of in love with her brother? Ew.

Michael, when Morgan is being more mature than you, it's time to take a look at your life.

Scorecard:
Hospitalized: Jason Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Sonny and Julian's phone antics, and later, Sonny on the phone with Johnny; Fluke: "Good luck with your double murder. I hope everyone dies!"; being called Dr. Jones makes Lucas think of Indiana Jones
Funniest moment (unintentional): Lulu's ewwwww-Olivia-slept-with-Julian face
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Avery wins it this week
Least believable moment: At Pentonville, if you're caught with a weapon, you get a month in solitary, but otherwise, you're free to wander around and do whatever you want
Best instances of continuity: Maxie and Johnny's "almost history"; Heather's alias, Diana Taylor, was a character in the '70s
Worst instance of continuity: Elizabeth claims that the police investigated the hostage situation, which is hilarious. They didn't investigate anything
Hero of the week: By day, he saves people. By night, he saves phoenix figurines. He's Dr. Lucas Jones (not to be confused with Indiana Jones)
Most annoying character: Michael
Smartest character: Shawn, clearly
Dumbest character: N/A
Inside joke: "Who had the honor of making a baby with you?" Brandon Barash asks the woman he made a baby with, after saying he'd like to give his daughter the name of his real-life daughter
Things we learned this week: Maxie and Spinelli now have shared custody of Lil' Georgie.

The week in a nutshell:

• Jason went to the penthouse to kill Sam (and Patrick, on Helena's amended orders), but ran into some roadblocks. First he hallucinated Robin, who told him he didn't want to hurt Sam. Then he had a few memories of his true self, including one of the phoenix, which he nabbed. He passed out on the docks and woke up with no memory of his crimes the night before. Carly found a gun and dark clothes in Jason's belongings, making her think that he might have been the gunman after all. Patrick also became suspicious because of Jason's memory lapses. The phoenix was accidentally abandoned on the docks, but Lucas rescued it.
• Sonny warned Michael not to trust Fluke, but Michael brushed him off, then told Fluke what Sonny said about him. Fluke threatened to hurt Michael and Lucas to get Sonny and Julian to back off. Sonny pieced together that Fluke was probably Bill and sent Shawn to dig up his grave to find out if his body's there. He also decided that he and Julian need to break out of prison to protect their sons.
• Michael got a restraining order keeping Shawn away from him and the Spencers' house.
• Nikolas became suspicious of Helena's supposed partnership with Fluke.
• Lucas tried to counsel people about their problems, so maybe he should consider a psych specialty?
• Shawn guessed that Jordan's a cop, which she denied.
• Dante and Lulu fought about Johnny, then made up. Nathan was also worried about Johnny's effect on his relationship.
• Patrick and Sam had sex.
• Heather befriended Nina.
• Ava was targeted at Pentonville.
• Morgan got a job on the Haunted Star.

January 24th, 2015

Next week: The one time Dante does some actual detectiving, it goes badly.

January 26th, 2015

On the anniversary of Ruby's death, Bobbie, Lulu, and Lucas memorialize her at Kelly's. Fluke is late because he's busy telling Luke that he's going to blow up the Haunted Star and kill all his loved ones. Shawn tells Sonny that Bill's grave was empty, and that Jordan is the only other person who knows. Meanwhile, Jordan explains the grave-digging to Dante, then proceeds to tell him what she's learned about Fluke. Dante puts everything together and realizes that the real Luke is probably in the Spencers' basement. He heads over to the house just as Fluke notices that the grave has been disturbed. Ava pays Julian a visit to tell him that she thinks Sonny tried to have her killed. Julian says it was probably Fluke, since he's also threatened Lucas. Ava has planned a prison break – she'll stow away in the transport van when Madeline's taken back to Port Charles that night. Julian wants to tag along, but doesn't get the chance to tell Ava that Sonny will want to participate as well. Franco almost gets busted for having the phone, but he makes a deal with a guard, possibly by ratting out Sonny and Julian for plotting to escape. He calls Nina and is surprised to have the call interrupted by Heather, who reveals that she's going to hurt Nina to get revenge on her son. T.J. is apparently okay with his mom being a mobster now? For no apparent reason?

Given that Bobbie said only she and Luke went to live with Ruby, I'm inclined to believe that Patricia died in childhood. I did have a fledgling theory that Fluke is Patricia, but...let's just say that I think Tracy would have noticed. Also, Kiki kneed him in the Charlie Browns (TM Arrested Development) once.

"Have you heard the expression 'Don't believe everything you think'?" No, because it doesn't exist. Stick to evil schemes, Fluke.

Interesting that Shawn doesn't think it's important to tell Sonny that Jordan might be a cop. I guess she's more likely to be useful right now than to bust them for anything illegal.

Dante's doing his job! And he brushed his hair! I'm so happy!

Oh, they're in Shadybrook, not Ferncliff. Just a reminder that this town has more than one psych hospital.

Someday Alexis is going to call Nina and the people at Shadybrook are going to be really confused.

Part of Franco's deal should have been to get an upgrade, because...flip phone. Johnny couldn't spring for something better?

January 27th, 2015

Fluke and Helena discuss personnel matters, like how her supposedly reliable minion is MIA, and how his minions all suck. While waiting for Kevin, Carly tells Jason that she found a phone in his bag. He denies that it's his but has a small memory of someone calling him on it to ask if a task was done. Jason contemplates leaving town to avoid getting answers he might not like. When Carly leaves the room, Helena calls and summons Jason, activating him so he can carry out Operation: Make Boat Go Boom. Michael finds Dante at the Spencers' house, where he says he's following up to make sure Shawn hasn't returned. Before they can get into the basement, Sloane shows up to declare the house condemned – Helena used Nikolas' connection to the Lomax to get the deed done. Dante returns later and breaks into the house, but Fluke catches him. Julian asks Sonny if he tried to have Ava killed, then admits that he thinks it was Fluke. Sonny's not happy about the plan to team up with Ava to make a prison break, but he'll have to deal with it if he wants to save Michael. Silas takes Avery to visit Ava, who tells him she's in danger and planning an escape. He signs off on it if it means she doesn't die. Johnny starts to tell Lulu about Fluke, or at least that's what we're supposed to believe.

Fluke thinks Dante dug up Bill's grave because...?

Helena's right: Her one minion has a better track record than any of Fluke's. What does that say about Fluke's management style?

Heh, Jason has a flip phone, too. The villains on this show aren't as into high-tech gadgets as they used to be.

Someone please give Avery a snack before she eats the phone cord.

January 28th, 2015

Dante reveals his suspicions about Fluke and forces him to open the basement door. Unfortunately, he doesn't get Fluke securely out of the way, so he's stopped from going downstairs. Carly expresses concern over Jason to a Kevin who's not really a Kevin, and he tells her that they never had a session. Carly thinks Jason's lying about not being the gunman, and that he would want her to stop him before he does anything else illegal, so she needs to go to the police. Activated Jason remembers what he forgot after the break-in and tells Helena about his hallucination, the ring, and the phoenix. She wipes his memory of Operation: Dead Wife and gives him his assignment for Operation: Make Boat Go Boom. Ava's planned escape isn't actually an escape – she's getting a free ride back to Port Charles so she can testify at Madeline's trial (for Madeline, and in exchange for some of the Reeves fortune she thinks Madeline will eventually regain control of). Sam still thinks the phoenix was stolen. Meanwhile, Lucas takes it to Brad's, where he learns that it's good luck and is supposed to be paired with a dragon and blah, blah, blah, Sam's probably going to get it back tomorrow so this is a waste of time. Franco offers Sonny and Julian their phone back if they'll take him with them when they break out. They agree and start beating up guards so they can escape.

"Cuff yourself to that railing." NO, YOU IDIOT! YOU DO IT! This is Dante not restraining Connie well enough all over again.

Carly seems to have forgotten her own theory about Jason having false memories. Sigh.

I kind of want Carly to have Jason arrested just so, in the future, I can say, "Hey, remember when Carly had Jason arrested?"

Excuse me, imposter calling yourself Kevin Collins, what do you think you're doing?

Madeline's reading The Sound and the Fury. Insert your own "a tale told by an idiot" joke here.

I get why Sam thinks someone broke in, and I get that Patrick gets that, but could he please ask her WHY she thinks someone would take the phoenix? And then can we talk about how the phoenix looks like a chicken? And the irony that it's supposed to bring good luck?

NO, BRAD, YOU AND LUCAS ARE NOT THE PHOENIX AND THE DRAGON! SAM AND JASON ARE! (ugly sobbing)

I might actally miss The Sonny and Julian Show.

January 29th, 2015

Fluke shoves Dante down the stairs, knocking him out, then sets a bomb to go off in two hours. Carly takes Jason's bag to Nathan and gives him the full run-down on his memory issues and possible crimes. It doesn't take long for the police to determine that the bullet taken out of Nathan matches Jason's gun. Jason knocks out a caterer and takes his place so he can get access to the Haunted Star and plant the bomb. Helena deactivates him while he's still on the boat, so he seems a little confused about why he's tending bar in a new location. He's further confused when Nathan arrives to arrest him. Sonny, Julian, and Franco pose as prison guards, arriving to escape with Ava just as the homicidal guard is about to kill her. Madeline gets left behind, if anyone cares. Sam gets the phoenix back, and once she learns about Jason's recent medical emergency from Patrick and Lucas, she figures out that he took the phoenix. Tracy gives Michael a little background on Bill, including the fact that his first act in Port Charles was blowing up a boat. Brad asks Lucas to move in and tells him he loves him. Lucas is stunned and doesn't get a chance to respond.

I knew about Bill blowing up the S.S. Tracy, but I didn't realize the symmetry until today that he's going to blow up another boat.

Is Fluke seriously leaving Dante on the floor without restraining him? So I guess we can say they're evenly matched.

Shouldn't Helena's instructions to Jason have ended with, "Get the heck off the boat before it explodes"? Otherwise she'll lose her most valuable asset.

Maxie and Lulu ogling Jason is still funny. Also funny: Jason calling Lulu "ma'am."

Yes, Sam. Your brother stole a random figurine from your room and gave it to his boyfriend. Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

January 30th, 2015

Fluke and Helena learn of Jason's arrest, but Fluke doesn't think it'll affect their plans. He then heads to the boat and tells Lulu that Dante isn't coming to the party because of Johnny. Lulu tries to get in touch with her husband, who slowly regains consciousness in the basement and discovers that he's trapped with...a corpse. A gross-looking corpse. Worse-than-Norman-Bates'-mother gross. Sonny, Julian, Franco, and Ava take a tense drive to Port Charles, all of them unhappy to have to work together. Julian tries to call Lucas to warn him about Fluke, but the call gets dropped. Fluke learns of the prison break and sends Johnny and Carlos to stop the escapees from getting to the boat, which they do by making them crash their stolen van. Sam and Patrick go to the PCPD to report the break-in and learn from Carly that Jason's being arrested. Jason insists that he doesn't remember anything he's being accused of doing, and tries to get Carly back on his side. She tells him that Kevin said they never had a session. Jason remembers going into the office and seeing Helena, which makes him admit that his memories might be faulty after all. Sam takes advantage of his incarceration to confront him about the phoenix. Helena finds out that Nikolas is going to the party and has her minions detain him. Heather reveals her true identity to Nina.

Someone suggested that Luke has a psychological issue making him think he's someone else, or they're pulling out DID again, but you know what makes more sense? Mind control. (Did I just say that mind control made sense? Yeesh.)

I kind of enjoyed The Ava, Julian, Franco, and Sonny Show. I especially loved Sonny and Julian playing the tired parents in the front seat while Ava and Franco fought like siblings in the backseat. I kept waiting for Julian to threaten to turn the prison van around.

When Sonny is eventually arrested again, can he and Jason have adjoining cells?

I agree with Maxie – Ivy's dress is great. We now know more about her fashion sense than any other aspect of her character.

Didn't I ding Julian for not wearing a tie to a formal function? Looks like Lucas inherited that.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Jason Morgan
Injured: Dante Falconeri

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Maxie and Lulu's delight over getting to spend the party looking at Jason; Nina: "You sold your baby?" Heather: "I was really strapped for cash!"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Helena's "how DARE you" face when Fluke threatened to kill her beloved soldier boy
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Avery: "Is it lunchtime? No? Okay, I'll just eat the phone"
Least believable moment: Helena didn't tell Jason to get off the boat
Best instance of continuity: Someone remembered that Ruby existed
Worst instance of continuity: Lulu's supposedly too young to remember Ruby, but Ruby died in 1999, when pre-SORAS'd Lulu was around four. Current-aged Lulu would have been older than four, which is plenty old enough for memories
Hero of the week: I guess Sonny, for saving Ava?
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Dante, but also...
Dumbest character: Dante

The week in a nutshell:

• Fluke's big plan: have Jason plant a bomb on the Haunted Star to kill all the people at his big yay-for-the-clinic party. Helena gave the assignment to Jason, and also erased his memories of the break-in at Sam's. Fluke also left a bomb in the basement of the Spencers' house, where Dante was left unconscious after he went there looking for Luke. Instead of Luke, he found the world's worst Halloween decoration.
• Shawn told Sonny that Bill's grave was empty, making Sonny and Julian decide that that's who they're dealing with. The two of them, Ava, and Franco broke out of Pentonville to go save Michael and Lucas, but were delayed by a crash caused by Johnny and Carlos.
• Kevin told Carly that he never met with Jason, leading her to believe that Jason was the gunman and needed to be stopped before he could commit any more crimes. Nathan arrested him, but, unfortunately, not before he planted the bomb.
• Lucas gave Brad the phoenix, but Sam got it back when she and Patrick went to get the guys for the party.
• Ava and Avery had a mommy-and-me playdate, though they were separated by glass.
• Brad told Lucas he loves him and asked him to move in.
• Nina learned who she's really been palling around with.
• T.J. forgave Jordan.

January 31st, 2015

Next week: Bad times for people with the last name Jerome.

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