General Hospital blog - July, 2012

July 2nd, 2012

Jason's detained by the TSA, since he's on a watch list, which allows McBain to get to Joe Jr. first. Joe Jr. plays innocent about Theresa's death even as McBain starts to arrest him, but then announces he's going to kill McBain. Jason arrives, effectively saving McBain, who taunts Joe Jr. that Sonny's going to get his revenge. Jason takes him away to see Sonny, leaving McBain tied up in New Orleans. By the way, Joe Jr. is Trey's father, and he's financing Mob Princess. Michael and Starr know they have feelings for each other, but they agree the timing isn't right for anything more than friendship. Olivia admits to having Heather followed and tells Steven that she lied about her whereabouts the night of the storm. Heather makes up a story about a bad date, which Steven buys but Olivia doesn't. Kristina kisses Trey, but he doesn't think they should get involved while they're working together. Kate wants to go back to work, which Olivia thinks is a horrible idea.

Ha, Jason would be on a TSA watch list, wouldn't he? Why does he fly commercial anyway? And how does he plan to get Joe to New York without raising any suspicions?

Wow, what a shocker - Trey is Joe Jr.'s son! Seriously, guys, if you want a twist, make Spinelli the real son.

I think the ice cream Trey ate was the same kind I had to throw out yesterday because of a power outage. I feel Starr's pain.

Steven's going to feel really dumb when he finds out Olivia's right. I hope she gloats. A lot.

July 3rd, 2012

Joe denies raping Kate, telling Sonny that she cheated on him and abandoned their child. He's dumb enough to keep saying bad things about Kate, so it's surprising that he's still alive. Sam wonders how Todd will be able to work with Kate knowing what she did to Hope. For some reason, he decides to bring up Franco and basically says that Sam is better off without the baby. Sam doesn't think she'll be making another attempt to have a child. Kate gets in a power struggle with Todd, then accuses Trey of wanting to create drama so Kristina's family will fall apart. He'd like to get her back on camera, but he'll settle of a tour of the coffee warehouse, where Sonny's holding Joe. Kristina catches Molly and TJ together, and though she doesn't trust TJ, she agrees to keep their relationship a secret. Michael invites Starr to spend the 4th of July with him and the Quartermaines.

Sonny, you may want to ask Joe where the kid is. And also, why Trey's last name is Mitchell, not Scully.

Wow, Todd, really? "Don't be sad, Sam - your kid was the result of rape, so it's better off dead." Don't make me turn on you.

Kate: "I remember you from the courthouse." Me: "And my womb."

Please, please let us see Starr meeting the Quartermaines. Especially Tracy.

July 5th, 2012

Joe tells McBain that he killed Theresa because he didn't want her talking to an FBI agent (meaning McBain). McBain is almost willing to let Sonny kill him, but instead he calls in the Atlantic City police to arrest Joe. Todd's about to tell Sam the truth about the baby (or so we're led to believe), but Heather interrupts and reminds him what could happen if he doesn't keep quiet. Todd still has to say something about the baby, so Heather tells Sam what she already knows about Jason having McBain attacked. Sam encounters Robert (who married her and Jason) and gets a magic fortune cookie telling her happiness might come back to her. Alexis catches TJ disrobing in Molly's room and flips out. Molly smugly tells her about their relationship as Kristina calls Alexis a hypocrite since she's kept her own secrets. The fight comes to a head when Molly yells that Alexis is overprotective because she thinks Molly will get pregnant as a teen. Tracy keeps telling Anna that Luke killed Anthony, but Anna seems to be suspicious of Heather now.

Those Atlantic City cops are going to be really mad when they find out later who they didn't get to arrest.

"But Your Honor, she talked me into it" isn't going to hold up in court, Todd.

Hey, magic fortune cookies! I forgot all about those.

I wonder if they brought up Alexis being a teen mom because (at least according to rumors) they're going to address Sam's paternity?

July 6th, 2012

Jason commiserates with Sonny while Sam and McBain get drunk together and kiss. Anna and Spinelli team up and realize that Heather may have been the person who took Anthony's body. Heather's getting too cocky, almost telling Luke that she killed Maggie, then waving around Sam and Jason's paternity-test results. She Luke write a goodbye letter to Anna, but she catches him coding it and gets upset. She heads off as Anna, Spinelli, and a K-9 unit move in close enough for Luke to hear them. Michael and Starr are adorable and can't keep their lips to themselves. Maxie and Lulu discover that Patrick's taking amphetamines, though Maxie thinks there's a reasonable explanation. Lulu won't let her get away with saying nothing to him.

I can't believe the episode didn't end with Jason seeing Sam and McBain kissing. Also, if they turn out to be related, that's going to be awkward...

Heather would be a much better villain if she knew when to keep her mouth shut. She practically admitted to Maggie's murder! Idiot.

Brenda did that coded-letter thing back in the '90s when Harry kidnapped her. Good times.

Why is Lulu involved in this plotline? Not that I'm complaining; it just seems weird.

Arrested: Joe Scully Jr.
Back in town: John McBain
New in town: Joe Scully Jr.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Heather calling Spinelli a Hobbit, Anna and Spinelli's scenes together
Funniest moment (unintentional): TJ's dancing
Saddest moment: McBain realizing Theresa's death was partly because of him
Sweetest/cutest moment: Starr and Michael's day of fun
Least believable moment: Todd had Kate's office redecorated in a day
Most annoying character: Kristina, for so many reasons
Smartest characters: Spinelli and Anna
Dumbest character: Joe, who needs to learn to keep his mouth shut
Previously unanswered question now answered: Patrick's taking some sort of amphetamines.

July 7th, 2012

Next week: I don't know why I even bother with the on-screen guide teasers, because..."Heather uses blackmail"? Really? That's all you got?

July 9th, 2012

Sam and McBain make out a little (and of course Jason sees), then quickly decide that was a mistake. He tells her he's heading back to Llanview the next day. Sam asks if he'll tell Natalie about the kiss, thinking he should keep quiet so he doesn't ruin his relationship. They part as friends, but someone (possibly Heather) got a picture of them kissing. Elizabeth runs into Jason and they do that whole one-good-kiss-deserves-another thing they always wind up doing. Fortunately, this time that's as far as it goes. Patrick claims he's taking the pills for ADHD, so Lulu calls his bluff and asks to see his prescription. He admits that he prescribed them for himself but isn't dependent. Lulu and Maxie convince him (or at least he lets them think he's convinced) that he's endangering himself and get him to hand over the pills. Lulu, however, isn't sure they can completely trust him. Todd wants to buy out Starr's contract because he doesn’t trust Johnny or his motives. Johnny thinks they both have secrets, but neither will spill them. Michael and Starr vacillate on what they should do but ultimately decide to give a relationship a try. The police find Anthony's body but not Luke.

Where the heck was the camera that took that picture of Sam and McBain? There's nothing in that spot but water.

When did that bridge become Jason and Elizabeth's? That's Robin and Stone's bridge! And to a lesser extent, Jason and Robin's!

Remind me to never try to talk Lulu out of anything. That girl is persistent.

At least someone gets to be happy. Well, two someones. Yay, Michael and Starr! Keep being cute!

July 10th, 2012

Sam and Jason debate taking off their wedding rings, then get advice from Kristina and Michael, respectively. In the end, Sam keeps her ring on but Jason takes his off. Todd distracts Heather from bugging Sam by siccing her on Johnny. She plants a camera in his office because apparently she's a spy now. Starr finds out that Todd's been meddling in her career and warns him to stay away from Johnny. Steven learns about Jason and Elizabeth's kiss and gets all protective. Thanks to his failure to use his inside voice, Sam hears all about it. Anna tells Johnny that Anthony's dead and she suspects that Heather was somehow involved. Then she has Delores "leak" to him that there's another suspect. Anna takes Heather in for questioning, leaving the paternity-test results lying around for anyone to see. Michael seems pretty sure of his budding relationship, though Starr is worried about the awkwardness that will come with dating the son of the guy she tried to kill.

Michael and Kristina need to pull a Parent Trap and lock Jason and Sam in a room together to force them to talk. Also, it has to mean something that Sam's all "you kissed my husband?" in the previews.

I get the feeling all Todd is going to see from that camera feed is a lot of Carly/Johnny makeout sessions.

Steven, considering what Jason and Elizabeth have done in the past, you should be glad it was only a kiss.

Someone needs to teach Michael about bros before hos. (No offense, Starr.)

July 11th, 2012

Sam confronts Jason about the kiss, which Elizabeth tells her multiple times didn't mean anything. Jason mentions seeing Sam and McBain together, which doesn't help. Sam notices that he's not wearing his wedding ring and decides that's a clear enough message for her. Elizabeth urges Jason to fight for his marriage, but he thinks it's a lost cause. Sam her chance to search Heather's purse for evidence. Steven defends Heather, though he's not happy that she may have lied about her date. Heather has no one to turn to but Todd, but it's not clear what she thinks he'll be able to do with her. Carly repeats what Starr told Todd about staying away from Johnny. He tries to show her footage of Lulu and Johnny hugging, but she doesn't care about anything he thinks. Lulu admits to Johnny that she knew about Anthony's death, swearing that Luke wasn't responsible. Patrick doesn't enjoy amphetamine withdrawal, so he doesn't let it last long.

What's the point of ending the episode with a scene showing Sam about to search Heather's purse when you're going to ruin it in the previews?

Also, drink whenever you see the test results.

Good luck finding Heather a lawyer, Steven. There's only one in town, and she doesn't like Heather very much.

If I were Maxie, I'd tell Anna what's going on with Patrick, then warn Patrick that if he doesn't stay clean, Anna will take Emma. If I were Maxie, I would also have a really cute hairstyle today.

July 12th, 2012

Operation: Search Heather's Bag is a failure, though Sam gets a look at the contents later and figures that Todd took whatever might have been interesting. She and Maxie catch each other up on their personal lives, commiserating over failed marriages. Heather asks Todd to contact an Anthony lookalike so he can give her a fake alibi for the night of the storm. Instead of the lookalike's phone number, Todd finds the paternity-test results and flips out. Epiphany tells Patrick that someone stole drug samples, and she suspects an orderly named Ramon. Patrick defends him, then learns that Ramon knows he's the real thief. Alexis catches Molly talking to TJ and drags her to Kelly's to tell Shawn what the two of them have been up to. Shawn notes that TJ's been on his best behavior, so he has no problem with them dating. TJ plays the race card, which kind of came out of nowhere. Alexis finally backs down and lets the two be together, though they'll have to follow a lot of rules. Steven vows to help Heather no matter what, and even though Olivia thinks she's guilty, she promises to support her boyfriend. Dante is horrible at hiding his jealousy over Lulu and Johnny's renewed friendship. Her involvement with the club combined with her personal life being at odds with her PCPD job make Lulu consider quitting.

Hey, someone finally remembered that Maxie and Sam are friends!

Shouldn't Epiphany be telling, I don't know, Monica about the stolen drugs? Since she's in charge and all?

Really, TJ? The race card? Nice try.

Just hang on a little while longer, Olivia. I promise you'll get to say, "I told you so."

July 13th, 2012

Sonny tells Kate all about his encounter with Joe and Joe's denial of any crimes. He adds that Joe found out about the baby. Kate wants to confront him before he's sent to jail. McBain goes to Atlantic City to visit Joe, who's sure he'll be released because there's no evidence against him. Trey confides in Starr that his father seems to have vanished. Kristina takes him to the coffee warehouse, where they run into Kate. She clearly hates Trey, and Kristina and Sonny tell him to go easy on her. Trey is shocked to find a piece of his father's jewelry in the warehouse. Heather has one last (I bet) task for Todd: Tend to Luke, who's so far gone that he's hallucinating Lulu, Anna, and Tracy. Todd doesn't want Luke to see his face, so he goes to the shed as Jason from the Friday the 13th movies. Michael and Starr get ready for their first date. Anna still isn't sure who did what, but she hopes to get some answers from Heather.

Should we take bets on how long it will take Kate to get to Atlantic City? I'm surprised she wasn't there by the end of the episode. I mean, people get from New York to Puerto Rico in less time.

I guess the whole matching-medals thing was for the slower members of the audience?

Trey, put a shirt on. Yeah, you have a nice body, but no one believes that you sit around the apartment half-dressed.

I find it strange that Luke hallucinated Tracy and Anna in the clothes they were actually wearing, but whatever.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Todd gagging at Carly and Johnny, Todd's ringtone for Heather, everyone thinks Heather's purse is ugly, Michael's more concerned with his wardrobe than Kristina's mental state
Funniest moment (unintentional): Molly talks like the daughter of two lawyers
Saddest moment: I had to feel bad for Luke
Sweetest/cutest moment: Molly and TJ celebrating being allowed to date
Least believable moment: Starr's album is already almost done
Most annoying character: Dante wins it again
Smartest character: Heather, and I can't believe I just said that
Dumbest character: Patrick
Previously unanswered question now answered: I guess it's pretty clear now that Kate's son wound up with his father.

July 14th, 2012

Next week: Luke's not the only person hallucinating, Olivia should watch her back, and the triumphant (?) return of Blair.

July 16th, 2012

Luke plays on Todd's sympathies, nearly getting himself freed by mentioning how much he loves his daughter. But Heather calls before Todd can finally do something good, and Todd's more worried about saving his own skin than saving Luke's. Kate goes to see Joe, who again denies raping her but is all kinds of creepy and menacing. He tells her he knows what happened to the baby, but she still thinks he's dead. Joe calls Trey to let him know he's in jail, ordering him not to tell Sonny or Kristina who he is. He tells Trey that Sonny killed Joe Scully Sr. (true) and Theresa (false), so it looks like Trey had no idea that his family was connected to Sonny before now. Heather's fake alibi shows up and corroborates her story, so Anna has no choice but to release her (to Olivia's disappointment). Anna still thinks Heather moved Anthony's body, but she's more convinced that Luke killed Anthony. Dante confides in Olivia that he's worried about Lulu's involvement with Johnny. She thinks he's right to be concerned and tells him to make sure Johnny knows Lulu's his. Dante finds Lulu literally in Johnny's arms after a fall, which makes him even more annoying. Sonny tries again to talk Kristina out of doing the show, but she's determined to stick with it. He warns her that she doesn't know Trey well enough to trust him, pointing out that Trey could easily have an agenda. Lulu admits to Johnny that she's drawn to excitement.

What's less believable: that Kate went to New Jersey, talked to Joe Jr., and came back all while Sonny and Kristina were still at the warehouse, or that Jason drove Joe Jr. from New Orleans to Port Charles in time to get him to Sonny by morning?

I was wondering how much Trey knew about Sonny, so that answers that question.

"Stake your claim"? Who in the world thought Olivia would say something like that?

Color me shocked that Sonny knows who Kim Kardashian is.

July 17th, 2012

Kate remembers having a conversation with Johnny at the PCPD, though she still can't remember what it's about. Sonny takes her to see Johnny, who will only say that Connie kissed him. Kate's memories don't tell her any different, so she decides he must be telling the truth. Joe is worried that Sonny will use Trey for revenge if he finds out who he is. Trey wants to quit Mob Princess, but Joe thinks that would make Sonny suspicious, which would prevent him from being blindsided when Joe finally gets revenge. Todd freaks out when Carly tells him that Blair's coming to town for Starr's debut. She promises to turn Blair away if Todd promises again to leave Johnny alone. Lulu realizes that the last time she saw Luke was on the Haunted Star, and the next person she saw there was Heather, so Heather might know where he is. Heather overhears and worries that she's been busted, so she calls in Maxie's forger to write Luke's goodbye letter. Johnny encourages Lulu to go home to Dante, but she wants to keep working toward opening night. Dante realizes that he's being a jerk and decides to be supportive instead. Heather bugs Steven about Olivia, but he defends her.

Sonny, you freaking idiot. Why do you think Johnny would tell the truth about anything?

Yeah, I bet Lulu and Johnny, who have zero experience starting a club, have done all this work by themselves and are ready to open. I BET.

I'm 99 percent sure Tomas isn't coming. We would have heard. I would have done my dance of joy.

Things I'm also pretty sure about: That forger is going to turn up dead sooner or later. He knows too much.

July 18th, 2012

Heather delivers Luke's goodbye letters to Lulu and Anna, telling his daughter to feel free to ditch her husband. Luke warns Heather that the police will find him, begging her to let him go. She wants them to walk out of the shed together, in love. Spinelli thinks he's failed in his Heather investigation, since she's been cleared of everything, but Olivia wants to keep it going. She gives Spinelli the license plate number of the forger, who she saw outside Steven's apartment, and Spinelli figures out who he is. Spinelli later tells Anna that Heather met with the forger. Olivia accidentally thwarts Carly's plans to keep Blair out of the hotel, but she's there without Tomas and wants to talk to Todd, so he thinks this means they're getting back together. However, he's still mad about Carly not holding up her end of the deal, so he tasks Heather with digging up something on him. Maxie tries to use Patrick to make Spinelli jealous. Dante calls Johnny out for sending Lulu flowers. Anna wonders if Patrick and Maxie's living arrangements are smart.

Okay, Luke, it's time to fake Stockholm Syndrome.

Go, Olivia! I don't know how she got the forger's license plate, or how she knew he'd been to see Heather when she only saw him walking away, but still, go, Olivia!

Todd bouncing into the scene while on the phone with Carly almost killed me.

Sorry, Maxie, but I don't think Spinelli's going to believe that a recently widowed man is interested in you.

July 19th, 2012

Heather tells Luke she plans to give Anna a bunch of acid so he'll never want to be with her. He begs her to give him the drug instead, promising to sleep with her, but she'd rather go after Anna. Olivia finds her in Anna's hotel room, dressed as a maid. Dante tells Anna about Lulu's letter and the forger, and she quickly puts things together. The forger first denies any involvement, but some good cop/bad cop (Anna's the good cop) gets him to confess. He also mentions the first letter he wrote for Heather, leading Dante and Anna to figure out that Heather killed Maggie. The club opens but Lulu's sad that her father and husband aren't there to support her. Patrick pops pills all night, panicking when he thinks he's caught on camera. He must be pretty far gone because he winds up seeing Robin. Olivia pleads with Steven to listen to her about Heather. Instead, he dumps her. Starr and Michael tell Todd, Blair, and Carly that they're dating. Their mothers are happy for them, and Todd at least pretends to be. Todd seems to want to propose to Blair, so obviously that won't end well.

Say what you will about the regime change, but look at everything that happened on a Thursday.

It's okay, Lulu! Dante's doing something good for you! Don't make him sleep on the couch!

How happy is Carly that Starr's not a stripper?

Kristina telling Michael that no one cares about his opinion was great - a nice sibling touch.

July 20th, 2012

Luke manages to light a candle in hopes of burning through his ropes, but instead lights the shed on fire. Anna and Dante get their hands on the original draft of Luke's letter and decode it to figure out that Heather has Luke in the woods. Anna also puts together that Luke must be at the shed. Heather tells Olivia she's just investigating Anna for the newspaper. Olivia confronts her about the forger and makes the mistake of using the word "crazy." She tells Dante she's with Heather, and Dante tells her to get away from her since Heather killed Maggie and possibly Luke. Olivia doesn't move fast enough and may get a syringe full of LSD. Patrick hallucinates Robin asking him to save her. She disappears, but when Lulu shows up, Patrick thinks she's Robin and kisses her. Lulu quickly realizes that he's still on pills. Kate remembers the rest of her conversation with Johnny, then goes to see Connie. Todd proposes to Blair, who tells him she's already engaged to Tomas. Carly and Johnny have sex in his office, so Todd will enjoy seeing that later.

Now THAT'S how you do a cliffhanger.

I don't know how long Robin Mattson's supposed to be around, but I imagine this has to be the beginning of the end for Heather, yes? Especially since they know she murdered Maggie?

Oh, Olivia. I thought you were smarter than that.

I hope that's Kate just pretending to be Connie. That would be awesome.

Back in town: Blair Cramer
Broke up: Olivia Falconeri and Steven Webber

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Todd bouncing into the frame
Funniest moment (unintentional): Scott Reeves saying "booty call"
Saddest moment: Patrick thinking Robin's with him
Sweetest/cutest moments: Anna teaching Emma about Coco Chanel's rules of accessorizing; Carly's face after seeing Michael and Starr kissing
Least believable moments: The club is already open for business; it took Anna, a spy, longer to decode Luke's letter than it took Heather, a crazy person
Most annoying character: Steven, who puts the duh in denial
Smartest character: Olivia, for getting the forger's license plate
Dumbest character: Also, Olivia, for not getting the heck away from Heather when she had the chance

July 21st, 2012

Next week: Too much to mention, because everything looks AWESOME.

July 23rd, 2012

Dante goes after Olivia but is too late to stop Heather from injecting her with LSD. This leads to a hospital standoff between a very high, scalpel-wielding Olivia, and Steven, Dante, and Epiphany. Once Olivia is restrained, Dante lets Steven have it for ignoring all the warning signs about Heather. Anna finds Luke in the cabin, but Heather knocks her out before she can get him out. Anna in turn knocks Heather out and rescues Luke, but apparently Anna didn't hit Heather hard enough or secure her very well, because Heather has a gun and she's not afraid to use it. Patrick insists that he doesn't need the pills, but demonstrates otherwise when Lulu tries to call his bluff and throw them in the harbor. He tells her he doesn't want to give them up because that means he'd be left with the pain of losing Robin. Johnny's skeptical about who he's talking to, since Connie's supposed to be gone. Connie tells him she's holding on to their secret so she can exist, and she's telling him about it so someone knows she's still around. She promises to keep quiet and let Kate think she's in charge. Too bad for Johnny that he just made a full confession to causing the accident on a camera feed that Todd will eventually see. Todd and Blair have issues that I really don't want to have to deal with. Starr and Michael may be cute, but they're also kind of boring now.

They should have blocked those scenes at the hospital better. There were a few times where Dante's hand was so close to Olivia's arm that he could have easily grabbed her or the scalpel.

Oh, Heather. Don't try to engage a spy in hand-to-hand combat.

Okay, Patrick, it's definitely time to go to therapy.

How was Starr more grossed out at the thought of catching Johnny with Carly than Michael was?

July 24th, 2012

Heather aims for Anna but Luke takes the bullet for her. The shooting just makes Anna madder. Heather tries to call Todd to help her, threatening once again to expose his crimes if he doesn't. With a dozen charges against her, the police being very careful to follow the rules, and no one on her side, Heather plays her trump card, telling Anna that Robin is alive. Patrick confesses to Lulu that he stole drug samples, so he doesn't really want to go to the hospital for help. She manages to talk him into it anyway, but in the following chaos involving Steven trying to save Luke, she loses track of him and he goes home. Carly encourages Todd to be a better person, or at least ignore Heather. Dante asks Patrick to help Olivia, but he's together enough to know he shouldn't be dealing with patients right now. Starr's worried about Todd's feelings now that he knows Blair and Tomas are engaged. Mac thinks Maxie should focus on her own life, not Patrick's.

And now, for the question I've been wondering about since I first saw Heather's revelation in a commercial last week: How in the WORLD does she know Robin's alive? DOES she know? Is she just throwing that out there to buy herself some time, not realizing it's true? That would be hilarious.

Nitpick of the day: If Heather meant to shoot Anna, then why did she preface the shooting with, "If I can't have Luke, no one can"? Wouldn't she say that if she wanted to shoot HIM?

Todd, this is definitely the time to take Heather seriously. She has nothing to lose right now. The baby swap is the least of her crimes.

Writers, if Blair isn't going to be sticking around, I really don't have any reason to care about her and Todd's relationship.

July 25th, 2012

Anna can't decide whether or not she believes Heather's claim that Robin's alive. Luke reminds her that Heather's a nut job, but Anna can't help indulging her curiosity by asking some questions. Patrick gets another visit from "Robin," who tells him to stop taking pills, asks for help again, and tells him she's alive. Lulu catches him in the middle of a hallucinatory conversation and convinces him again to go to the hospital. The real Robin tries to escape from her captors, who are about to give her electroconvulsive therapy. Todd blames McBain for his relationship problems and retaliates by sending Natalie the photo of McBain and Sam kissing. Carly asks Todd not to take out his Blair-related anger on Johnny, so Todd decides to delete the video stream from the Haunted Star. He changes his mind when he spots Johnny and Connie, suspecting that they're still seeing each other. Michael and Starr tell Sonny about their relationship, which Sonny has reservations about. Steven revokes his guardianship of Heather, telling her she's no longer his mother. Luke wants to tell Anna about Ethan.

Why is it I always find spoilers for things I don't care about but I can never found a spoiler I really want (i.e., who has Robin)?

Every scene Jason Thompson and Julie Marie Berman have together just reminds me why she has an Emmy and why he SHOULD have one. (Be afraid, other people in his category next year. Be very afraid.)

I can't wait for some Corinthos/Manning family get-togethers.

Why do we keep going back to the Ethan thing? He's not even on the show anymore! Neither is Robert! I don't think Anna really cares that much!

July 26th, 2012

Heather offers Anna information on Robin in exchange for immunity, but Anna has a better idea: Heather will talk or Anna will shoot her. Heather explains that Robin was brought into Ferncliff just before she was released, and she's being tended to by a nurse named Fletcher, as well as a doctor whose name Heather doesn't know. Robin tries to fight against the ECT, but she's unsuccessful. The mystery doctor will probably be happy about her probable brain damage, as it increases the likelihood that she won't recognize him: It's Ewen. As Todd watches the rest of the Johnny/Connie footage, Johnny finds the camera and realizes the things he's said in the office. Todd vows to kill Johnny and speeds over to his office. Lulu gets Patrick to consent to treatment from, of all people, Ewen. Dante tries really hard not to worry about Olivia as, ironically, Kate proves to be the most stable of the Falconeris. Also, Kate wants her magazine back, but she's just going to have to wait because there are much more important things going on right now!

So...someone needs to explain this to me. Why would Ewen kidnap Robin? Does it have something to do with Anna? Robert? Does he just want to do wacky experiments on her? Is my admittedly-half-thought-out-but-completely-plausible theory that Ewen is really Jerry true?

Robin's totally right about how badly Anna will kill everyone involved in her abduction, but Anna will have to get in line behind Patrick, Robert, Mac, Sonny, Jason, and possibly Maxie, who I doubt fights fair.

Johnny, your hallucination of your dead grandfather is right. You should leave town.

When Dante asked Lulu if it's possible for someone to retreat inside herself, did anyone else say, "Have you heard about Laura?"

July 27th, 2012

Todd attacks Johnny, who fights him off but doesn't seem worried about the fact that he doesn't exactly have the upper hand here. Todd threatens to call Carly and tell her what Johnny did. Johnny tells him to go right ahead, but if Todd spills his secret, he'll spill Todd's: He knows about the baby swap. Anna questions Nurse Fletcher, who reminds her that Heather is crazy and can't be trusted. Ewen and Robin both hear their conversation, and Robin isn't so far gone that she doesn't recognize her mother's voice. Anna searches Ferncliff and finds a brochure for a facility in Switzerland where Ewen and his mystery partner are sending Robin. Despite Luke's protests that Anna's letting Heather get inside her head, Anna announces that she's going to Switzerland. Sam searches Todd's office, then sets her sights on the safe, which now contains the paternity-test results. Luke tells Tracy he wants to be with Anna, but he still wants Tracy in his life. She taunts that he and Anna will never last and she looks forward to their inevitable implosion. Spinelli and Carly talk to Sam and Jason, respectively, about their marriage. Patrick urges Elizabeth to date Ewen.

And suddenly the revelation that Ewen's holding Robin is the second biggest twist of the week. Johnny knowing the truth about the baby came way out of left field, and I love it.

So Ewen's taking orders from someone? Now I have even more questions!

When did Sam become a safe-cracker?

Patrick. Shhh. You'll thank me later.

Arrested: Heather Webber
Hospitalized: Olivia Falconeri, Luke Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Todd telling Johnny to use his own home the next time he wants to try to kill Anthony
Funniest moment (unintentional): The oh-my-gosh-did-you-see-this? close-up on "Ferncliff"
Saddest moments: All of Patrick's scenes; Robin promising not to forget Emma
Sweetest/cutest moment: Kate saying a Hail Mary for Olivia
Least believable moment: "I found this brochure for someplace in Switzerland – I must go there!"
Most annoying character: Tracy, who I usually don't mind, but who really needs to lay off Luke a little right now
Smartest character: Anna, even if her brilliance is a little ridiculous
Dumbest character: Todd, for not having a plan B
Previously unanswered question now answered: Ewen kidnapped Robin. Which leads to...
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Why did Ewen kidnap Robin?
2. Who is he working with?

July 28th, 2012

Next week: Seriously, Todd, you suck at this.

July 30th, 2012

Johnny tells Todd that he had Heather followed the night she moved Anthony's body, and he saw everything that happened with him, Sam, and Tea. He threatens to tell Sam everything, but Todd calls his bluff, for some reason. Kristina interrupts Sam's safe-cracking to complain about Trey and how he doesn't want to be with her while they're working together. Sam makes the obvious observation that Kristina could just quit, but Kristina thinks that would make things worse. Joe Jr. wants Sonny's business, and he plans to get it by making Trey get close to Kristina. Jason figures out that Sam's investigating Todd, which he thinks is a bad idea since Todd is unpredictable. But he's an equal-opportunity Manning-disliker since he also doesn't think Michael should date Starr. Kate's trying to make peace with the fact that she'll probably never see her son. Michael basically tells Starr he won't mob up because of her.

I don't think Johnny and Todd know how to hold things over each other's heads. You can't threaten to spill someone's secret when that person has an equally damaging secret about you.

Geez, Sam, close the door when you're in the middle of a super-top-secret mission. You know no one in this town knocks.

Oh, right - Kate, you're going to need to get a new psychiatrist.

Yes, Michael, you would be great as a mobster. I can see you killing people with no problem.

July 31st, 2012

Sam tries to keep her cover story with Jason, but eventually admits that she's investigating Todd. He warns her, as is his official job, then offers to watch the door while she keeps working on the safe. She manages to crack it but doesn't get it open before Todd returns. Carly overhears Johnny saying Todd did something, so Todd tells her about the camera in the office. She lectures him about privacy and gets the two of them to come to an agreement. Of course, the agreement is that they'll both keep their mouths shut about each other's secrets. Shawn teases Alexis about being uptight, so she invites him to play strip poker. They're evenly matched and equally interested in each other, at least physically. Trey reluctantly agrees to Joe Jr.'s plan, which would involve him marrying Kristina. Kristina confides her uncertainties about Trey to Sonny, admitting that she's worried that the show is the only thing in common. When Trey returns from Atlantic City, he tells her he's starting to think the show is a bad idea. Molly and TJ have a cute first official date after successfully getting Alexis and Shawn to leave them alone.

Sign I need to get a life: my squeeing over the later Sam/Jason scenes today.

Looks like Todd and Johnny finally remembered how to blackmail.

Alexis and Shawn together? I'm listening...

Molly would never, EVER, EVER let a man order for her in a restaurant. EVER.

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