General Hospital blog - July, 2013

July 1st, 2013

Luke lets Tracy think she's talked him into letting her tag along on his adventure, then leaves before she comes back (and before Lulu and Laura can confront him). Ava and Franco tag-team Carly, making her back down from forcing Morgan to move out of the Quartermaines'. Ava also suggests that both shooters were on Carly's payroll. She's pleased both because they annoyed Carly and because they gave Kiki something she wanted. Franco lets her know that he still doesn't completely trust Ava – in fact, he thinks she was the second shooter. Alexis gives Shawn an ultimatum: If he wants to be with her, he has to quit working for Sonny. He first asks her to quit, too, but she thinks that's unfair since he doesn't have a moral problem with her being Sonny's lawyer. Despite his love of adventure, Shawn decides he'd rather have his girlfriend. Michael asks A.J. to send him overseas so he can avoid Kiki. A.J. says no since no one else will put up with him. Then he tells Michael why he and Elizabeth might not wind up together. Lulu tells Nikolas and Laura how Stavros backed her into a corner and shot Nikolas because she wouldn't sleep with him. Nikolas is, unsurprisingly, proud of her decision. Elizabeth thinks Nikolas knew that A.J. and Carly weren't together when they had sex, and it's clear that she's going to find a way to blame him for the bust-up while letting A.J. slide.

Well, I'm shocked – SHOCKED! – that Carly and Ava don't like each other. Carly always immediately hits it off with other strong women.

Oh, crap, Alexis is Courtney.

Why did A.J. find it necessary to tell Michael that he and Carly slept together?

Nikolas, if Elizabeth is going to rationalize this whole A.J./Carly thing and blame YOU for it, it's time to fold and move on. She'll rationalize anything now.


July 2nd, 2013

Carly wonders if Sonny would have really had her killed if Olivia had died. He confirms that he still cares about her, but since he was more concerned with Olivia's life than hers, Carly figures that that means he loves Olivia, too. He's willing to let her betrayal go, but warns her not to cross the line again. Conversation turns to Franco and Morgan living in the same house, and Sonny promises to handle things. Ava denies multiple times that she tried to kill Franco, but he doesn't believe her. There's some threatening of each other, and then Ava suggests that they take their charade a step farther by actually sleeping together. Connie invites Olivia to live with her while she's recuperating, and Olivia tells her that Sonny already extended an offer. Connie wonders if Olivia prefers that option, but Olivia turns it around on her, asking if she's jealous because she wants Sonny back. She offers to turn Sonny down, but Connie doesn't want to risk getting back together with him. Tracy lies to Laura and Lulu about Luke, but Laura sees through it. Milo's not happy with his job, especially since Sonny's still mad at him for the whole Lulu thing, and tells Max he's thinking of trying something new. Literally minutes later, Lucy offers him a job at Deception. Elizabeth and A.J. are back together, and she doesn't want Nikolas to interfere again. Lucy asks Nikolas to fund Deception's overhaul.

Carly, if you really want to make sure Sonny won't kill you, just do what Ava's doing to Franco. It's worked for you before.

Speaking of which...I don't know exactly what Ava's doing, but dang if it isn't working.

If working at Deception means more shirtless Milo, I wholeheartedly support this change in careers.

Does Connie still live in Johnny's penthouse? Weird.


July 3rd, 2013

Morgan turns the boathouse into a love shack so he and Kiki can have privacy, and she doesn't have to live in the same house as her parents. They start to introduce a few shades of gray to their relationship, though she imagines she's with Michael instead. Of course, Michael finds her tied up. Lucy asks Felix to work for the new Deception, but he's happy working with patients. Milo overhears them talking about passion and calling and finally makes up his mind about where he wants to work. Just as Shawn is about to quit, Milo beats him to it. Olivia tells Sonny that Connie might be jealous of them living together, but he makes it clear that there's nothing romantic about the arrangements. Emma is displeased with her future as an older sibling. Sabrina makes everything better, and somehow this leads to her and Patrick saying "I love you" for the first time. Alexis asks Michael to ask Kiki to get tested to see if she's a match for Danny. Britt is pleased with the actions of her Mini-Me, and celebrates by crashing a Drake/Scorpio family cookout. Molly doesn't want to tell Alexis that T.J. slept with Taylor, and for some reason this is a plot point. Taylor tries to use T.J.'s guilt to get him to spend more time with her.

What happened to the gatehouse? Can't Morgan and Kiki live there?

I wouldn't think most people would be willing to get Botox injections from a nurse instead of a doctor. But then again, I don't understand the thought process of people who get Botox, so what do I know?

It's okay, Emma, no one wants that stupid baby.

Poor Rafe. Every day he drifts further and further into the friendzone.


July 5th, 2013

Milo quits, but Sonny and Max are surprisingly okay with his decision. All his talk about not being cut out for danger, like Shawn is, makes Shawn change his mind about resigning. As he gives the news to Alexis, resulting in their break-up, Sonny and Olivia may be embarking on a new relationship. Britt accidentally flambés Emma's new doll, effectively ruining the cookout but also making herself feel really feelings. Then she runs into Nikolas, making thousands of people scream, "Noooooo!" Michael breaks up Morgan and Kiki's sexy fun times, then further ruins the mood by talking about babies with cancer. Also, Morgan's totally on to his feelings, so all in all, this was not Michael's day. Elizabeth and A.J. hang out with Aiden, who looks to be getting a new daddy.

Hey, Shawn and Carly are both single again! They should give things another shot! They were awesome together.

"Baby Ariel can't get into Heaven without her left leg!" Patrick, I think you're slacking a bit on Emma's religious education.

Noooooooo, Nikolas! Stay away from Britt! Someone please warn him!

Did Morgan say "b&%@#cakes"? That's a new one.

Ew, Spencer should NOT be calling A.J. "Uncle A.J." Also, I just realized that A.J. used to be married to his mother.

Scorecard:
Broke up: Shawn Butler and Alexis Davis
Resigned: Milo Giambetti

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Michael: "You slept with my mother." A.J.: "Hey, look on the bright side: You're not thinking about Kiki right now, are you?"..."At least she's not my first cousin! Too soon"; Nikolas' reactions to Lucy
Funniest moment (unintentional): No BLTs for Olivia
Saddest moment: Shawn choosing his job over Alexis
Sweetest/cutest moment: "You're my...you"
Least believable moment: Michael thinks Kiki's in danger even though she casually invited him into the boathouse
Hero of the week: Lucy, for giving Milo a chance to do something he loves
Most annoying character: Taylor
Smartest character: Sabrina, who knows exactly what to say to children and who should be a teacher if nursing doesn't work out
Dumbest character: Britt, since Emma even warned her that the doll could wet itself
Things we learned this week: 1. Dolls are flammable. (Okay, that was probably common sense.)
2. Milo only eats one hot dog a year.


July 6th, 2013

Next week: Maxie gets a visit from someone from her past. Dear baby Jesus, please let it be Georgie.


July 8th, 2013

Everyone starts getting tested to see if there's a match for Danny while Sam daydreams that there won't be one. Kiki dreams about Michael, then encounters him at the hospital. He's determined to stay away from her, but she thinks the universe keeps throwing them back together for a reason. Then there's more kissage. Ava wants Morgan and Kiki to work out, and she urges him to buy her something pretty and expensive to make her happy. She makes the mistake of loaning him her credit card to do so. Later, she runs into Silas, and they are definitely not meeting for the first time. Maxie advises Connie to get Sonny back before he moves on, like Spinelli did with Ellie. It's probably too late, though, since Sonny's totally ready to move on and Olivia isn't resisting that hard. Silas takes a job at GH, fires Danny's doctor, and takes over his case. But on the plus side, Rafe doesn't have to leave town. Lulu and Dante try to think of baby names. Ellie has baby guilt.

So here's my theory: Franco isn't Kiki's father – Silas is. Clearly Ava and Silas have a history (which isn't that out of the realm of possibility; they both lived in New York). There has to be some way for Kiki and Michael to wind up together, because I don't think the writers would gross us out like this if things weren't going somewhere. If Kiki isn't Franco's daughter, then she and Michael aren't cousins. I think that's why Ava's panicking over the thought of Kiki getting a test that would show her biology. Also, if Silas is her father, it would explain why she's a brunette when her supposed parents are both blond.

I can't wait till Patrick meets Silas. They're going to hate each other.

Did Lulu says she hates the name Amy? That was your aunt's name, you shrew.

Also, I refuse to spend the next three months listening to her and Dante talking about baby names. REFUSE.


July 9th, 2013

Sam is willing to ask Franco to find out if he's a match for Danny. Alexis wants to keep them apart, so she volunteers to do the asking. They don't realize that Morgan has already told Franco about Danny's illness, and Franco seems pretty willing to help out. Sonny has Shawn beat him up in an attempt to get him to move out of the Quartermaines'. Alexis walks in just in time to see firsthand what her ex does. Brad catches Michael and Kiki kissing and attempts to blackmail them, demanding a date from Michael in return for keeping quiet. They call his bluff, so he threatens to spill the beans to the next person who walks into the room. Of course, that person is Morgan. Ava and Silas have unfinished business of some kind, but Silas doesn't want to finish it. Carly hires Spinelli to investigate Ava, wanting to know why she would get back together with the guy she tried to keep away from her daughter. They see Ava and Silas together, and Carly wonders why a woman who's supposedly back together with the father of her child would try to hold hands with another man. Duke offers to help Anna with the Franco/shooting investigation, because apparently Anna sucks at her job now.

Please let there be an Alexis/Franco smackdown. Please, please, please.

I'm guessing the person Sam thought of who's not on the list and who's as bad as Franco is Heather. Let's hope she'll accept a BLT in exchange for the testing.

Brad makes me squirm and want to take a shower.

Spinelli's right, Carly's pretty observant. If only she were that smart all the time.


July 10th, 2013

Michael has no choice but to give in to Brad's blackmail, while still trying to figure out how to get out of sleeping with him. He hits paydirt when he overhears Britt and Brad scheming and gets his own blackmail material. Ava and Silas tell Tracy and Sam, respectively, a little about their former relationship. In exchange, Tracy tells Ava a little about her frustrations with Luke, and Sam tells Silas about her brother and how she doesn't want to lose the younger Danny, too. Alexis stops the Franco beatdown, convincing Sonny and Shawn to leave him alone because he might be able to save Danny. Sonny basically says, "Okay, we'll just kill him later." Laura objects to Lucy's deal with Nikolas, then admits that she's really upset because she's worried about Luke. For some reason, Scott agrees to try to get the truth out of Tracy. Nikolas and Britt run into each other again, and he sympathizes with her sadness over losing the guy she loves. Britt buys Emma a new doll, but Sabrina and Patrick aren't fooled by her sudden kindness and still suspect her of faking her illness.

Brad, you should know better than to blackmail a Corinthos/Quartermaine/Spencer.

For someone known to scam people at card games, Kiki has a horrible poker face.

Just a warning, Britt – Nikolas was friends with Robin, so he may not maintain his sympathy once he learns more about you.

I swear, if Patrick and Sabrina don't get something new to do ASAP, I'm going to burn dolls shaped like them.


July 11th, 2013

Sam and Silas pay Heather a visit to ask her to get tested. Things get off to a bad start since she thinks Silas is Stephen. Then she refuses to help, so Sam goes off on her. Silas gets to play good cop, working out a negotiation involving letters to Steven, weekly BLTs from Kelly's, and another visit from Franco. Sam and Silas are pleased with the results of their visit, but their happiness is ruined by phone calls from Molly and Rafe telling them that Danny has a fever. Alexis gets Franco to the hospital, where Kiki feels actual feelings toward her father for the first time. Dante thinks Sonny's responsible, but Sonny can honestly say he didn't lay a hand on Franco. Olivia sees through his BS but is totally on board with Franco beatings. Alexis and Franco also keep their mouths shut, she because of attorney-client privilege, he because he realizes he can use this against Sonny in the future. Morgan figures out what happened and calls to warn Sonny that Dante's investigating. Lulu asks Maxie for help naming the baby, so Maxie suggests Georgie. Lulu won't take the name since Maxie should save it for her own future daughter. Maxie comes close to spilling everything, but Connie interrupts. Later, Maxie hallucinates the original Georgie. Connie decides she wants Sonny back now, which is really bad timing considering he has to interrupt a makeout session with Olivia to answer the door. T.J. lets Shawn know that he knows what he does in his side job. Molly gets to be the one to tell Rafe he doesn't have to move. Dante objects to his mother's living arrangements, as we all knew he would.

FREAKING A, HEATHER IS STILL TALKING ABOUT THAT LETTER.

Silas finally did something that made me like him a little! I'm sure he'll screw it up in no time, but I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

Mark the day: Morgan used deductive reasoning.

I've said it before and I'll say it forever: They never should have killed Georgie. It made zero sense for them to kill her off, especially since they had a built-in out for her, as she'd been talking about studying abroad. Also, she was killed buy a guy who considered her his only friend. That was some horribly sloppy writing.

Also making no sense: Lulu naming the baby Georgie. They didn't exactly like each other.


July 12th, 2013

Molly gives Rafe some Davis girl backstory (like the whole thing where they all have different fathers) while Silas determines that Danny's protocol isn't working, so he'll definitely need a transplant. Sam realizes that there's one person they haven't contacted about getting tested: her father. Georgie gives Maxie a gentle smackdown about her behavior, prompting her to go over to Dante and Lulu's. Georgie also still has a crush on Spinelli, but she tells him to be happy, and also not kill Maxie when he finds out what she's been keeping from him. Connie tells Sonny that she wants him back, then figures out that he's already moving on with Olivia. Olivia's willing to step aside so they can reunite, even telling her cousin that nothing had really developed, so it's not a big deal. Franco and Ava play nice in front of Alexis, who doesn't really care what they do as long as Franco gets tested. Ava almost tells Franco about Silas, leading him to figure out that she's hung up on someone else. Ellie has decided that if Spinelli really wants a baby, she'll have one with him. She doesn't seem very excited about it, though. Dante's still sure he's right about the Sonny/Carly/Shawn shooting conspiracy, but Lulu has suddenly become a Sonny defender and thinks he might be wrong, like, where do you think you live, Lulu?

Let's be honest: It's pretty strange that Sam has gone seven years (sheesh, it's been that long since she found out Alexis was her mother? Wow) without asking who her father is. It's also pretty strange that the show has gone seven years without bringing him on.

Awww, Georgie, we miss you, too.

Dante and Lulu are like your friends who only post pictures of their kids on Facebook. SHUT UP ABOUT THE BABY ALREADY.

I highly doubt Ric cares the least little bit about Danny, considering his feelings toward Danny's parents.

Scorecard:
Injured: Franco Frank (or Quartermaine or whatever he's going by now)

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Sonny: "Shut up, Franco." Franco: "Okay"
Funniest moment (unintentional): The look of triumph on Michael's face when he got dirt on Brad
Saddest moments: Maxie and Georgie; Sam wanting Jason
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sam telling Silas how she used to buy her brother a truck for his birthday
Least believable moment: Spinelli doesn't think Ellie can change her mind about having children because she's a scientist
Best instances of continuity: Morgan bought Kiki Cartullo jewelry; Maxie named Georgie
Worst instance of continuity: Lulu doesn't like the name Amy
Hero of the week: Silas, for the way he worked Heather
Most annoying character: Brad. Creepy, creepy Brad
Smartest characters: Carly, a keen observer of romantic-ish behavior; fellow keen observer Michael, who knows who to seize an opportunity when it comes his way
Dumbest character: Sonny. "What do you mean, you want me back?" What do you think she means, moron?
Unanswered question of the week: Why did Ava and Silas break up?
Things we learned this week: 1. You can't lie to a ghost.
2. Molly and Ric are back in touch.


July 13th, 2013

Next week: Alexis finally answers a question that's been on everyone's minds for seven years.


July 15th, 2013

Long story short, Alexis doesn't know who Sam's father is – he was a guy she met in a bar when she was 16, and she never saw him after their one night together. She also never got his name. All the talk of fathers makes Rafe think of his own, so he and Molly use a Ouija board to contact Rafe Sr. Rafe Sr. tells Rafe Jr. he loves him, then reports that he knows who Sam's father is. But I guess he gets called away for a harp lesson or something, because the only part of his name he gives is the letter J. Spinelli goes to Ava's gallery in New York and tries to get information out of her assistant. It doesn't work. Ava really wants Silas to remember that they once had a relationship, though both of them refuse to talk about it in anything other than vague terms. She also really doesn't want him to meet Franco. Olivia interrupts Maxie's planned confession to crash at Lulu and Dante's and tell them how Connie stole her boyfriend. Maxie chickens out (shocking, I know) and pretends she came over to ask Dante and Lulu to come to Lamaze class with her. Sonny is extremely happy to be back with Connie, and can't you just see it all over his face? I'm sure he won't regret his decision at all!

Boo! Those weren't answers! "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer! Boooooooo!

But I do like that the attraction to guys in leather jackets is genetic.

The Davises have a Ouija board? Um...why?

The fact that Sonny/Connie part 8 billion is a placeholder relationship makes me feel completely okay with fast-forwarding through all their scenes.


July 16th, 2013

Silas meets Franco, but they're interrupted by Ava before he can find out that they have a child together. Franco has a seizure, and when he regains consciousness, he thinks he's Jason. Lulu has a cold, so Dante goes to Maxie's Lamaze class alone. Olivia has a vision of Maxie stabbing Lulu in the back, freaks out, and summons Dante back home. Dante tags in Spinelli, and though Maxie's resistant to have him come to the class with her, they end up having fun together. Patrick is also called away from the class, so Nikolas accompanies Britt (after learning that Patrick's the baby's father). Elizabeth and Sabrina are confused at the thought of Nikolas and Britt being friends. Carly asks Spinelli to trail Ava, who immediately catches on and tells him she knows he visited the gallery. Stuck back at square one, Carly ends up telling A.J. about her suspicions. The two of them figure out why Franco and Ava are together, and may team up to learn more.

This Franco twist almost makes up for not getting any answers about Sam's father. I can't wait to see how Roger Howarth plays Jason.

Told you Patrick and Silas would hate each other. I bet Epiphany and Silas will get along great, though. They're both no-nonsense, get-it-done-now people.

Hey, Olivia, can you have a vision about a guy named J? That would really be helpful.

I wonder if Ava would have felt bad if Spinelli had told her the balloons were for Danny? Eh, probably not.


July 17th, 2013

Patrick doesn't know if Franco's faking his new identity, but he decides the best way to handle it is to play along. Silas is sure he's faking, probably to help Ava cover up whatever she's trying to keep from him. Everyone else is just super-confused, especially "Jason," who a) thought Franco was dead and b) doesn't get why people keep calling him by his supposedly dead brother's name. Then he randomly puts on scrubs and goes to see Danny. There are no donors for Danny, though the jury's still out on Franco. Molly hears Alexis and Sam talking about Sam's father and tells them about the Ouija board. Connie asks Olivia if anything happened between her and Sonny. Olivia tells her she won and everyone's made his or her decisions. Meanwhile, Dante yells at Sonny for making his mother cry. Ava seems to really want to keep Kiki and Silas from meeting. A.J. and Michael discuss Ava, then shift to talking about Kiki and how Michael really, really needs to stay away from her. Elizabeth is jealous of Nikolas and Britt's developing friendship. Morgan doesn't like that Sonny basically paid him to lie to his girlfriend.

Faking or not, Roger Howarth is playing this perfectly. He really has Steve Burton's mannerisms down.

I'm so bored with the Connie/Sonny/Olivia plot that I already fell asleep and am typing this in my dreamzzzzzzzzzzz.

"Bradley Cooper, the movie star?" Yes, A.J., Bradley Cooper quit acting to become a lab tech in Port Charles. Though thank you for finally making note of the shared name.

Elizabeth and Britt don't like each other, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend...but they're both my enemies! Now I don't know what to do!


July 18th, 2013

Franco takes Danny out of the hospital to protect him from...well, himself, technically. Unfortunately, he doesn't tell Sam, and since security at GH is a joke, she thinks Danny's been kidnapped. She figures out that Franco took Danny to the penthouse, and when she gets there, Franco's continued his transformation into Jason by putting on his clothes. Silas officially meets Kiki and immediately figures out that she could be his daughter. As Morgan eavesdrops, Ava lies about Kiki's age to make Silas think that she and Franco didn't get together until two years after she and Silas broke up. Patrick discovers that Franco has a brain tumor that could have caused his inability to differentiate between right and wrong. Carly finds the whole thing ridiculous. Michael tells Morgan that he and Kiki kissed, and Morgan is far from happy about it. Same with Kiki once she finds out that Michael told the truth without consulting her. Laura and Scott fight about Luke, because God forbid she worry about the father of two of her children. Laura shares her concerns with Lesley, who pretends she's consulting on a case in order to get access to medical records at GH and find out what's wrong with Luke. Unfortunately, Monica catches her. Monica's already suspicious because she thinks Tracy's story about having medical tests is true, and that she had Spinelli hack into GH's computers to erase her records so A.J. can't use her medical condition against her.

I don't think Jason would take Danny out of the hospital knowing that he's sick. And he definitely wouldn't take him without letting Sam know. But Franco wearing a black shirt and leather jacket is doing a good job of distracting me.

Also, hospital security sucks. So does their reaction to a possible kidnapping.

I'm not against Michael telling Morgan the truth, but he should have warned Kiki first. She's the one who cheated; she deserved to be in on the decision to come clean.

Oh, hey, the brain-tumor defense! Because it worked out so well for Manny. (P.S. I miss Manny. Is that weird?)


July 19th, 2013

Sam doesn't know Franco's sick, which means she can't play along with the crazy and pretend he's Jason. He thinks Franco's done something to her to make her think he's dangerous, so he refuses to let her near Danny. She responds by pulling a gun and threatening to shoot him. They do that cliché fight-over-the-gun-and-when-it-goes-off-it's-not-clear-who-was-shot thing, and by the time Carly and Silas arrive, having finally figured out what's going on, Sam's unconscious and Franco and Danny are gone. Carly thinks Franco's faking his condition, but Patrick is sure his tumor is a tumor, and it needs to come out before it kills him. Morgan confronts Ava over lying to Silas, and though at first she'll only admit that they had a relationship, she eventually says that he's Kiki's father. Morgan wants to let Kiki know, but Ava reminds her that if Michael and Kiki find out they're not related, they'll probably try to get together. Morgan decides to keep his mouth shut, then takes things one step farther by proposing to Kiki. Meanwhile, Michael and Felix become drinking buddies as Michael tries to drown his Kiki issues in alcohol. In the process, Felix gets confirmation that Britt and Brad are in on something together. Also meanwhile, A.J. questions Kiki's relationship with Morgan, wondering why she wants to save it if she's so easily distracted by another guy. Lesley is so awesome that even Monica, her worst enemy, can't resist letting her look at Luke's medical records. Elizabeth asks Patrick to warn Nikolas away from Britt.

Best fierce chick today: Sam, Ava, or Lesley? I can't decide.

Also, I find it very hard to remember the time when I used to hate Sam.

Oh, Morgan. This is so...sigh. Oh, sweetie. No.

Heh, Felix would watch Scandal, wouldn't he?

Scorecard:
Kidnapped: Danny Morgan (though is it really kidnapping if the kidnapper doesn't think he's a kidnapper?)

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Silas' expression when Franco said he was Jason; Felix, unsure of how to comfort Michael, just patting him on the head
Funniest moment (unintentional): Morgan calling the boathouse his apartment. It's a glorified shed, is what it is, Lil' Sonny
Saddest moment: No matches for Danny
Sweetest/cutest moment: Tracy cares about Danny (sometimes)
Least believable moments: Ava hasn't spoken to Silas in 20 years, but her assistant has his number in her phone; "Jason" took Danny out of the hospital without a) making sure he was healthy enough or b) letting Sam know
Best instance of continuity: Patrick saved Nikolas' life
Worst instance of continuity: Why are people ordering pad thai at Noodle Buddha, a Chinese restaurant?
Hero of the week: Lesley
Most annoying character: Scott
Smartest character: Silas, who can do math
Dumbest character: That nurse who didn't realize that when a mother doesn't know where her baby is, you should probably call the police
Things we learned this week: 1. Kiki is 21.
2. Emma plays soccer.
3. Silas is most definitely Kiki's father.


July 20th, 2013

Next week: MICHAEL, NOOOO! MICHAEL, STAAAAAAHP!


July 22nd, 2013

Elizabeth finds Franco on the bridge with Danny and plays along with the crazy until it overtakes him. He hallucinates himself grabbing her, then accidentally shoots her while trying to shoot his hallucinatory self. (Confused? It's okay.) Fortunately, Elizabeth isn't actually there, but Franco does proceed to have an entire conversation with himself about how Franco was always jealous of Jason for getting to grow up with a good family. He urges "Jason" to kill Danny before he can turn into a killer like the two of them. While Silas takes a not-that-badly-injured Sam to the hospital, Dante seems to be in no hurry to find a kidnapper and simply tells Carly to just sit there and do nothing, because of course she'll listen. He's lucky she doesn't, since she ends up getting to the bridge just as Franco's about to drop Danny over the side. Morgan asks Kiki if she's resisting his proposal because of Michael, and after that, there's no way she can say no to marriage. Michael flirts with a day player but doesn't want to sleep with her until A.J. calls to tell him about the engagement. Monica confronts Tracy over her lies, but their conversation is interrupted before Monica can warn her that Laura's about to find out what's really going on. Meanwhile, Lesley gives Laura the information she got from the hospital, though now she doesn't think Laura should do anything with it, since Luke didn't want her to have it. A.J. calls Ava out on her possible takeover plan in front of Tracy.

I'm sorry, did "Jason" take the BABY on his MOTORCYCLE? Crazy or not, that would never, ever happen.

"Join us down here" = "we all float down here"? Shudder.

Carly's in for a weird week. She's obviously going to save Danny, and then she's going to have to find out that Morgan's getting married. Save her some booze, Ava.

Lesley, if you don't think Laura should do anything with the info about Luke, why did you give it to her? And since when do you care what Scott thinks about this?


July 23rd, 2013

Carly plays along with the crazy and convinces Franco to hand Danny over. But then he wants to kill himself, so she has to talk him out of that. Elizabeth calls in the middle of the standoff, which allows the police to get Carly's location. Carly's also able to use the call to her advantage, since Franco thinks Elizabeth's dead and Carly has proof that she's not. Just as she convinces him not to shoot himself, the police arrive, so now there's another standoff. Carly defuses that one, too, so I think she's fulfilled her quota of good deeds for the year. Tracy tries to keep playing dumb but eventually tells Laura everything about Luke's illness and search for Jerry. Laura decides to find Luke and help him out. Taylor wants to hook up with T.J. again, but he just wants to be friends. She flirts with a guy and gets him to buy her a drink, but T.J. intervenes before she can go off and sleep with him. Nikolas tries to help Alexis remember anything she can about Sam's father, with no luck. Molly and Rafe discuss the Ouija board but get nowhere. Then they see T.J. and Taylor together.

Suddenly Carly DOESN'T want Franco dead? She knows that's not really Jason, right?

People, please stop suggesting that Jerry might be Sam's father. That means she dated her uncle.

Also, new rule: Every time someone says Jerry's name, we get an episode with him in it.

Um...no one considered telling Alexis about Danny's kidnapping? Nice.

Why are the teenagers hanging out at the Floating Rib all of a sudden?


July 24th, 2013

Franco is back to being himself, and though he remembers being on the bridge, he doesn't remember thinking he was Jason. He's grateful to Carly for saving him, while Sam is confused about it. Then she's grateful, too, since Franco's a match for Danny. Franco and Diane both learn about the tumor, and Diane immediately knows she can use it in his defense. As Franco goes to surgery, Ava gets him to agree to make her his ELQ proxy. Morgan warns Ava again that Silas could easily figure out that she lied about Kiki's paternity. Ava goes straight to Silas to make absolutely sure he believed what she told him. He doesn't, because he's smarter than she is. Morgan also overhears Felix and Brad talking about Michael and Kiki, and gets proof that they've kissed since they found out they were cousins. He still wants to go through with the marriage, though, even though when Carly learns about it, she gives him her "like hell you are" look. Kiki goes to tell Michael about her engagement and finds out that he didn't spend the night alone. She's pretty mad for someone who claims to be glad that they're both moving on. Felix confronts Brad over blackmailing Michael, accusing him of working with Britt to falsify the paternity test. Later, he asks Michael for help. Scott is so, so thrilled that Laura's going off to help Luke.

Franco's a match, so the whole who's-Sam's-father thing was just a waste of time? Mean.

Ava, how can you be so smart about the proxy and so dumb about Silas?

I know Patrick took an oath and all, but does he really care whether Franco lives or dies?

Scott would have been smart to go with Laura – if he helps save Luke, Luke will owe him one. But Scott isn't smart, so of course he's not going.


July 25th, 2013

Franco's surgery starts before his bone marrow can be extracted, so Sam's left in the position of having to hope that he survives. She prays to Jason (don't ask), but all she gets in response is Silas. Felix asks Michael to seduce Brad to find out what he and Britt are really hiding. Brad falls for it, and Britt has to literally smack some sense into him and tell him what Michael's really up to. Then she sends him over anyway to play along. Britt also continues her role as Taylor's very inappropriate role model. Carly refuses to give Morgan and Kiki her blessing, and unknowingly causes Kiki to question whether she's made the right decision. Ava tells Tracy that she has Franco's proxy and can use it to help her oust A.J. as long as Franco's still alive. She pushes Tracy to call an up-or-down vote, though of course she'll want something in return. Carly interrupts to ask why Ava supports Kiki and Morgan's engagement, thinking it has something to do with the secret Ava's keeping. T.J. asks Molly to get back together, and she tells him she'll consider it but needs time to deal with the rest of her crazy life first. Elizabeth warns Nikolas away from Britt, failing to see the irony in doing the same thing he did to her.

Can't they just send someone in to extract bone marrow while Patrick's operating? This seems like a really dumb plot contrivance.

I wish someone had walked by with a stuffed dragon or something when Sam asked for a sign that Jason was with her. Or was he the phoenix? I can never remember.

"Having a kiki"? Well played, Felix.

This Brad/Michael/Britt/Felix situation is just like "they don't know that we know that they know" from Friends. Brad is somehow both Chandler and Phoebe.

I wondered about this on Tuesday and thought it might just be the light, but now I'm sure of it: Somewhere in the middle of all this madness, Molly got her hair dyed.


July 26th, 2013

Tracy calls a shareholder meeting and informs A.J. that she has Franco's vote, which puts her over the 50% mark. Kiki's so annoyed with Ava being controlling that she decides to vote for A.J. instead of Tracy. When the votes come in, the percentages are just as Tracy predicted, but for the opposite person: A.J. wins. Britt tells Nikolas her side of everything Elizabeth told him, and he notes that he hasn't always been princely, so he can't exactly judge. They decide to be friends, but Britt's happiness is quickly marred by her discovery that her mom is back in town. Michael and Brad continue their weird dance/game of chicken, and Michael almost gives in with a kiss before he's summoned to the shareholder meeting. Felix confronts Brad, who admits that he acts the way he does because he likes Felix. Suddenly Felix doesn't hate him so much, but he's still not sure if he can trust him, so he tries to tempt Brad to come over to his side and provide information on Britt. Brad just tells him to look to Obrecht. Morgan and Ava work hard to keep Silas from getting any information from Kiki, though at this point they should just give up because he obviously has it all figured out, even before Alice unknowingly outs Kiki as 21. Carly tells Sonny to do something about Morgan and Kiki's engagement, but he's more interested in why she suddenly cares whether Franco lives or dies. The Sun is under new management, and Connie's being blamed for falling circulation, even though she was only in charge briefly and she was mentally compromised at the time. If she doesn't come up with a big story, she'll lose her job. For some reason, she thinks the ELQ mess is a good story. Though Franco's face is all over the front page, so how is ELQ a better story?

Am I reading too much into the fact that Tracy got 47% of the vote? Also, what happens when they find out Kiki's not really a Quartermaine? Is her vote null? What happens to her 5%? Also also, why was Diane there?

From the way they framed the scene when Nikolas and Britt left Kelly's, I knew that had to be her mother behind the paper. Welcome back, Dr. Evil.

Felix should have stayed hidden and eavesdropped in case Brad called Britt.

I was going to make a joke about how it doesn't matter if Connie loses her job since Kelly Sullivan already did, but I decided it was too mean.

Scorecard:
Back in town: Lisa Obrecht
Engaged: Morgan Corinthos and Kiki Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Connie asking the name of the girl Michael's seeing, followed by a cut to Michael and Brad
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nikolas: "Britt never shot her father in the back." Elizabeth: "That happened a really long time ago." Brilliant excuse, Liz
Saddest moment: Sam talking to Jason
Sweetest/cutest moment: There wasn't a lot of this going around this week
Least believable moment: Guys, if you want us to think Danny's sick, you need to make him look sick
Best instances of continuity: In his hallucination of himself, Franco was wearing a shirt that said "CO77X"; Tracy, thinking Kiki was pregnant, wondering what's up with people conceiving babies in the boathouse; Rafe bringing a travel guide from the penthouse; Nikolas stole Courtney from Jax
Worst instance of continuity: Can't think of anything
Hero of the week: Carly
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Ava (except for the Silas stuff)
Dumbest characters: Dante, who should know better than to let Carly out of his sight at a crime scene; A.J., for trusting Tracy
Things we learned this week: 1. There's a Cook 2.
2. Nikolas is familiar with Fatal Attraction.


July 27th, 2013

Next week: We're supposed to get some answers, but the last time someone told me that, it was a lie. I've been burned before – I will not be burned again! Also, guess who's in Switzerland?


July 29th, 2013

Sabrina catches Britt and Obrecht talking, but Britt lies that they don't know each other. While Sabrina and Felix puzzle through what they know, wondering if Britt's supposed joke about her mom being a mad scientist was really a joke, Obrecht questions Britt's commitment to their scheme. Britt claims that she still wants Patrick, and Obrecht assures her that once the baby's born, he'll come around. Britt then confirms what we've all suspected: He's not the baby's father. Sonny bugs Morgan about his engagement, getting him to admit that he wants to marry Kiki so he doesn't lose her. Sonny thinks he's crazy for worrying that Michael will steal her away, so Morgan tells him they're not related. Connie wants to write about ELQ for the paper, so she can save her job, but Michael and Kiki tell her there's no story. She learns differently when she gets home and hears Morgan telling Sonny that Kiki and Michael aren't family. Tracy realizes that Alice turned on her and fires her. Her next plan is to call another vote and somehow convince Kiki to switch sides. Ava tells her that's not likely, since Kiki voted against her because she was mad about their conspiring. Tracy just wishes Kiki weren't a Quartermaine. Franco's surgery is successful, but Patrick tells Sam that he might not be able to donate to Danny after all, since his tumor could be cancerous. Carly urges Franco to take advantage of this opportunity to become a better person.

Okay, so we've had one question answered about this Britt plot, but now I have more. Who's the real father? How did they alter the paternity test? Why is Obrecht obsessed with Britt and Patrick getting together? Wouldn't she be happy about Britt getting closer to a real freaking prince? Does it have to do with Anna, somehow? Does Britt know about Robin? How does Obrecht know that Felix and Sabrina are investigating? Why is she dumb enough to hang around undisguised when Anna or Duke could see her at any time?

Suddenly Connie is Nancy Drew? And when did the Sun go back to being the Port Charles Press?

It's okay, Alice – maybe you can be a security guard at the new Deception health whatever.

So I guess the plot with Sam's father wasn't a waste after all. Never mind!


July 30th, 2013

Sonny urges Morgan to tell Kiki the truth about her paternity. Morgan thinks he just wants Michael to get Kiki, which leads to a big fight where Morgan admits that he feels like the lesser son. Sonny gives in, promising to keep his secret, though he doesn't know why Morgan wants to marry someone who wants to be with someone else. Michael and Kiki decide they can't avoid each other, so they need to work on just being friends. He wonders if she can handle marrying someone she doesn't really want to be with, but Kiki thinks she'll grow to love Morgan. Connie's boss, Derek Wells, wants to fire her and Maxie, so Connie's even more motivated to get the ELQ story. Felix and Spinelli share information on Britt and Brad, leading them to realize that they can help each other. Spinelli agrees to investigate and try to find out who Britt's mother is. Britt feels guilty for keeping the baby from its real father, but guilt is for the weak! She must be less American and more German! She is disappointing and fat! She must stop crying this instant! Patrick and Sabrina need a new topic of conversation. So do Maxie and Lulu.

Nice work by Bryan Craig today. He's good in this role.

Morgan saying that Sonny shouldn't want Kiki to know her paternity because he hid Michael's paternity isn't quite accurate. Sonny didn't adopt Michael until after A.J. knew he was Michael's father. Before that, everyone thought Jason was his father. Also, Sonny should have pointed out that he's had two children kept from him with paternity lies, so it would make sense for him to want Morgan to tell the truth.

Keep in mind the moment Connie deliberately didn't tell Sonny that she overheard him and Morgan. That's going to come back to haunt her. When this whole thing blows up, he's going to be mad that she lied, and that's what's ultimately going to break them up.

Remember when I said Kiki needs to work on her poker face? Same goes for Maxie.


July 31st, 2013

Carly asks Michael to talk Morgan out of getting married. He tells her everything about him and Kiki, and says he thinks she and Morgan should get married because it'll make her less desirable. Carly notes that she was in a similar situation – she married A.J. when she wanted to be with Jason – and it was bad for everyone. Morgan worries that Sonny will go back on his word and tell Michael about Kiki's paternity. But when Connie tells Sonny her story idea, he swears her to secrecy so he can use the situation to earn Morgan's love. Sam won't stop bugging Silas about whether or not Franco has cancerous cells, and judging from the look on his face once he's done all the tests, he probably does. Maxie accidentally hears Derek being squirrelly on the phone, and Olivia has to step in as bodyguard when he tries to intimidate her. Silas urges Rafe to fight for Molly, which is bad timing since she's just decided she wants to get back together with T.J. Rafe tells her that he thinks she should be with him. Alexis and Shawn, on the other hand, will not be reuniting.

Michael, Kiki being your sister-in-law won't make her less desirable if THINKING YOU'RE RELATED HASN'T ALREADY DONE THAT.

Carly made a good point about how she was also once involved with two brothers, but then she ditched Jason for Sonny, so there's a bit of a difference there.

Derek, don't mess with Bensonhurst.

Dear Sam and Alexis, please learn to read a room. If Silas doesn't look happy, the news isn't going to be happy.

Aww, Rafe. Come sit by me and we'll duet on "You Belong With Me." I sing it on a daily basis.


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