July 6th, 2015

Just when it looks like Frank is going to kill Luke and Laura, the remaining Spencer child lives up to his nickname, cowboying in to their rescue. Everyone's so distracted by their happy reunion with Lucky that they don't realize Frank isn't dead. Just before Luke finishes him off, Frank announces that Lucky was in on everything. Lucky admits that he only pretended to be a hostage, but it was because someone else's life was at stake. That someone is Jake, who Lucky claims is alive. I throw things at my TV. Dante continues whining about Lulu, and though Valerie encourages him to work things out with her, eventually her will power ceases to exist, and they have sex in Dante in Lulu's bed while I throw more things at my TV. Jason hangs out with Sam and Danny, talking memories and secrets. Specifically, they talk about how Sam would rather feel pain about losing Jason but keep her memories than have no pain and no memories. They reaffirm their agreement to bring down Nikolas, deciding not to tell their significant others. Elizabeth talks to both Patrick and Jason about Lucky, who hasn't been in touch for a while. It's really just a reason for her to talk about Jake, because no one's talked about him for a while and the writers need to remind us about him. Ava reveals her true identity to Franco, as well as the news that Silas kidnapped Avery for the bone-marrow transplant. Franco wants to tell Nina, since she was accused of the kidnapping, but Ava shuts him down by promising to make Nina so jealous that she comes back to Franco. Nina tells Silas about "Denise" and Franco's "relationship," which annoys him. There's also a random scene of Silas and Nina running into Sam and Patrick, and Sam wondering if they're getting back together, like, Sam, that's the very last thing on the list of things you need to worry about.

They're really doing this Jake plot, huh? Lord have mercy. Let's talk about all the reasons it's stupid:

• It excuses Luke's drinking.
• It creates a tie between Jason and Elizabeth that will still be there even after he finds out what she's done to him.
• It's illogical – Josslyn supposedly has his kidneys.
• Elizabeth should only have bad things happen to her.
• Now we'll have two Jakes.

There are basically only two good/interesting things that can come of this: 1) Rebecca Herbst could get an Emmy, and 2) since Jake is a Quartermaine, it could stir things up at ELQ.

Speaking of Elizabeth's children who aren't dead, someone remembered that Aiden exists.

Yay, Jason/Danny scenes! I was hoping for more of those.

"Welcome to the show, Franco." You know, half the time Ava just makes me roll my eyes, but sometimes she's fun. (She shouldn't have exposed Silas, though.)

Aaaaaaaaand there go all the points Valerie earned with me. (All three of them.)

Lulu, the first rule of lying is to make sure your alibi knows she's an alibi. You'd think years of associating with Carly and Maxie would have taught you something. But you're not the one who broke her wedding vows, so I'll let it go.

July 7th, 2015

Dante doesn't know what will happen to his marriage, but he wants Valerie to stick around, which makes me want to punch him. Valerie doesn't regret their affair, which makes me want to punch her, too. Lulu tells Maxie and Nathan why she really left town, easing Maxie's worries that she and Dillon are having an affair. After their obligatory conversation about Jason, Sam and "Jake" sneak into Wyndemere to break into the safe. Elizabeth thinks the Spencers are hiding something, since Lucky hasn't called in weeks, Lulu seems to be dodging her calls, and Laura has gone off the radar. Elizabeth gets her weekly attack of guilt about keeping Jason from his family, and Nikolas once again talks her down. Tracy prepares to leave town to visit Brook and find out if Nikolas blackmailed her to get her ELQ shares. At the airport, she bumps into someone familiar. Brad and Lucas tease Patrick about when he's going to propose to Sam, though it's kind of a way to distract themselves from the fact that Brad is dragging his feet about their own wedding. Brad admits to Felix that he's hiding something from Lucas about his past. Patrick tells Elizabeth that Hayden's condition has changed.

What's that, Valerie? You don't regret sleeping with your cousin's husband? Then I won't regret requesting that you bite me.

I was just about to wonder if "Jake" ever gets tired of hearing about Jason, but I think the answer to that is pretty clear.

Hey, Sam, remember when Patrick didn't tell you Jason was alive? Stop feeling bad about not practicing full disclosure.

Uh...is Maxie in the show's most stable relationship? How did that happen?

July 8th, 2015

Dante has it out with Lulu, trying to kick her out for doing the same thing he's done. She tells him what really happened, promising that she didn't sleep with Dillon, wouldn't cheat on him, and hopes to regain his trust. Rather than admit to what he and Valerie did, Dante chooses to find more and more reasons to be mad. Sam and Jason crack Nikolas' safe, bantering about jewelry and whether Sam is girly, because they've temporarily forgotten that they're committing a crime and should probably be quick. They don't find the stock certificates, but they do find Hayden's driver's license. Valerie fills in some blanks for them, explaining that Hayden was staying at Wyndemere, and that Nikolas said they knew each other before she came to town. Speaking of Hayden, she's not awake, but she may be on the road to it, which makes Elizabeth panic for the 1,784th time. Dillon tells Sabrina about the Spencers' adventure and how Luke lied to Tracy, because Sabrina is apparently the new Quartermaine confidant. Dillon's father, Paul Hornsby, is back in town, wanting to see his son after 20+ years of no contact. Tracy claims he's her least favorite ex-husband, which is saying a lot. Alexis cautions T.J. not to turn his new friendship with Sonny into a job.

I don't have anything against Emme Rylan, but she was way out of her league in those scenes with Dominic Zamprogna.

How long until Sam and Jason put 2 and 2 together about Nikolas and Hayden? Because that's where my mind would go first – that he's who she was talking about when she said someone else knows who Jason is.

Elizabeth, stop saying Jason's name so loudly in public. That's how Hayden found out who he is in the first place. Oh, wait – never mind. Keep talking!

I basically have no use for Paul, but I really like Richard Burgi, so I'm hopeful that this will turn out well.

Sometimes I think they throw darts at names to pick people for filler scenes. "Alexis and T.J.? Sure, okay."

July 9th, 2015

Luke, Laura, and Lucky head to Cassadine Island to search for Jake and question Helena. Helena tells Luke that her exile has effectively disarmed her, so she no longer feels the need to play games with him. As a parting gift, she offers him a very alive Jake. Dante first gets interrupted before he can tell Lulu he cheated, then decides to keep the truth from her. Carly and Elizabeth have some actual nice moments when Carly goes to the hospital for Josslyn's routine medical tests (which come back clean). This is all just to remind us that Jake being alive makes less sense the more you think about it, because he's not supposed to have kidneys. Valerie spills her and Dante's activities to Jordan, who thinks she's naïve for believing they could have a future. Sonny calls Dillon out for what he thinks is inappropriate behavior with Lulu, so Dillon hurries to smooth things over with Dante. Tracy's annoyed when Alice tells Paul what happened between her and Luke, but Paul can actually sympathize, since Jenny left him, too. T.J. warns Sonny that Jordan will probably target him, which is exactly what she's doing.

Sigh. I just have so many questions about this whole Jake thing.

• Obviously the first one is, how did he survive? Was he frozen? Was there some sort of switch?
• How did Josslyn's transplant happen if Jake is alive?
• Why wait four years and then just come clean? Why now?
• Helena's been raising this kid for four years? Who was taking care of him while she was frozen?
• Now that everyone knows Jason is Jake's father, is Elizabeth going to tell him that?

Also, how much anti-Spencer poison do you think he's been fed over the past four years?

Carly confiding in Elizabeth? Did Hell freeze over?

Dillon rushed to stop Tracy from leaving town, and then...went to Kelly's?

Speaking of Kelly's, why are there suddenly crayons everywhere? I noticed them last week, too. Oh, and I'd really like to see what Sonny drew.

July 10th, 2015

Lucky confirms that Jake is Jake, though he knows nothing of his life in Port Charles. While Laura eases Jake into the idea of leaving the island, Luke catches Lucky up on his dark side and warns that running away from your past only works for so long. Lucky thanks him for being such a wonderful father, especially after his own father was so awful. The Spencers head back to Port Charles, and Lucky prepares to reunite mother and son. Lulu sets Carly straight about why she and Dillon went to Canada. Carly thinks she was horrible to run off with someone who's not her husband, as if Carly has any place to talk about appropriate behavior with men you're not in a relationship with. Dante gets Valerie to agree not to tell anyone about their affair, since he wants to work things out with Lulu. But Carly tells Lulu that they kissed, so when Dante gets home, Lulu's ready to talk about how she knows everything. Elizabeth and Jason declare their love for each other, and JaSam shippers weep. Nikolas asks Sam why she and Jason were at Wyndemere together. She counters by asking about his connection to Hayden. He sticks to his story that they knew each other years ago, but she might be catching on that there's something fishy about the timing of her shooting. Dillon tells Monica about the Spencers' adventure, but it's just a reason to have Monica in the episode because later, Jason comes to the house.

I hate that this show is making me want something nice for Elizabeth. HATE.

It wouldn't be General Hospital if Lucky weren't crying and calling people "man."

Suddenly we're saying "Jake's kidney" instead of "Jake's kidneys." Interesting how easy that was to retcon.

Jason: "I love you, too." Me: "Goodbye, I'm jumping out the window."

I'm pretty sure the sound I made when Monica opened the door for Jason was the same sound I made last year when I read Brandon Barash was going to come back. I also love that they had their scene just as another mother/son reunion is about to happen.

Scorecard:
Back in town: Paul Hornsby, Jake Spencer, Lucky Spencer
Back from the dead: Jake Spencer
Presumed dead: Frank Smith (because we'd all be crazy to believe he's really dead)

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Jake hitting Luke with a (toy) car
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sonny telling Dillon how respectable men don't go after other men's wives, like, who had a baby with his son's girlfriend? Not Dillon
Saddest moment: I might have been sad for Elizabeth if I didn't know it was for nothing
Sweetest/cutest moments: Sam's little embarrassed moment when Jason said she would look hot in the necklace from the safe; Laura with Jake
Least believable moment: The entire Jake plotline
Best instance of continuity: Helena and Faison faked Lucky's death
Worst instance of continuity: Josslyn has four years of remission, not five. But that's not even close to the biggest gap in this plot, so whatever
Hero of the week: Lucky
Most annoying character: Dante
Smartest character: I'm going to go with Sam
Dumbest character: Dante

The week in a nutshell:

• Lucky swooped in to save his parents, then announced that Jake was alive. A trip to Cassadine Island and a possibly final encounter between Luke and Helena proved this to be true. Luke and Lucky had a long talk about fatherhood and running from your past, then headed back to Port Charles to give Elizabeth the news about her son.
• Dante and Valerie completed their transformations into horrible people, having sex in Dante and Lulu's bed. When Lulu got home, Dante lit into her, continuing to blame her for all their problems even after she told him she and Dillon didn't do anything. He kept quiet about what he'd done with Valerie, but his mistress spilled their secret to Jordan. While Dante asked Valerie to keep quiet so he could try to fix his marriage, Carly told Lulu that Valerie and Dante kissed.
• Paul Hornsby returned to town, wanting to reconnect with Dillon. Tracy was not amused.
• Sam and Jason had a nice week, talking in the park, then cracking Nikolas' safe together and finding Hayden's driver's license. Sam found it a little suspicious that Hayden was shot just as she was about to tell them who Jason is. Speaking of Hayden, she began to exhibit signs of possibly waking up.
• Ava let Franco in on her ruse, offering to send Nina running back to him via jealousy if he keeps his mouth shut.
• Silas confirmed that Josslyn's cancer is still in remission, which just raises more questions about her kidney transplant.
• Jason encountered Monica at the Quartermaines' and I made a sound like a dolphin.
• Jordan and Alexis both worried about T.J.'s new living arrangements, while T.J. worried that Jordan would make things personal against Sonny.
• Brad admitted to Felix that he's keeping something from Lucas.

July 13th, 2015

Lucky returns Jake to Elizabeth, who manages to not make me hate her for an entire episode. While mother and son reconnect, Lucky confesses to Luke that he's scared that he has the same darkness his father does, and that he'll pass it on to his kids. Dante makes all kinds of apologies to Lulu before realizing that she only knows that he and Valerie kissed. She assures him that she can move past this because she wants the past few weeks to be forgotten. Dante lets Valerie know that Lulu only knows half the story, so she still needs to keep quiet. Jason learns about his childhood from Monica, getting to see a different side of the person he keeps hearing about. Jordan wants to talk more about Valerie and Dante's possible relationship, but Valerie tells her that he shut it down. Jordan tells her to grow up (no, literally) and keep her personal drama out of the office. Laura tells Nikolas about Jake, mentioning how sad it is that Jason isn't there to hear the news. Nikolas possibly feels bad about continuing that ruse, but Lucky shows up before the conversation can continue. Patrick tells Sam that Hayden might be waking up, giving her hope that Jason will get some answers.

Luke: "You're lucky." Jake: (pointing to Lucky) "No, he is." Heh. I love a good lucky/Lucky joke.

Uh, I don't care how sure these people are that that's Jake. Go get a DNA test. Helena always has something up her sleeve. P.S. Maybe also book a session with a psychiatrist.

I loved Jason's little "huh" when he got back to Elizabeth's, like, "I haven't seen that one before. Where'd he come from?"

I'm marking my calendar for September 1st. $5 says Valerie's pregnant by then.

"Act like a grown-up." I ❤ Jordan.

July 14th, 2015

Fake Jake meets Little Jake, triggering a memory of picking up one of his toy motorcycles (I think right after Jake "died"). Elizabeth is compelled to tell Jason who he is, but of course she doesn't. Lucky talks to Nikolas about how he doesn't feel like he can be a good father, though he's uncertain about leaving the boys in the care of Elizabeth and some guy. Nikolas spills that that guy is really Jason. Lucky has a heart, so he doesn't get how Nikolas and Elizabeth can lie to him about his identity. Nikolas gives Lucky a choice: Tell the truth and stay, or keep the secret and leave. Lucky goes back to Elizabeth's to do the former, but when he sees Jason and Jake together, he ends up doing the latter. Luke tries to make up with Tracy, but she's already moved on to Paul, for some reason. She understands why he lied, but isn't happy about how he never treats her like an equal. Lulu seems to be madder at Valerie than Dante, but that's okay, because I can be mad at him for both of us. Dillon finally encounters Paul, who's determined to have a relationship with him. Strangely, Sonny and Carly get the filler scenes, discussing Dante and Lulu, Josslyn, and Jason.

Isn't Jake adjusing a little too well? This is weird.

Of course Lucky wasn't going to tell Jason – they're not going to wrap up a months-long storyline like that. I'm still mad at him, though.

Nikolas to Lucky: "If that's your decision, I respect it." Lucky, run! He's going to put a hit out on you!

Hey, Lulu, don't act like Dillon being your stepbrother again would be a turn-off. He was your stepbrother when you hooked up all those years ago.

July 15th, 2015

Sonny's back in the mob business (it all happened off-screen), so now he needs a moll. Carly happily accepts what must be his fifth or sixth marriage proposal. Kiki asks Michael to talk to Sonny about letting "Denise" see Avery. They still haven't figured out who kidnapped Avery, but Michael suspects Nina. Ava assigns Franco to get rid of the recording that proves she killed Connie (just when you thought we were done with recordings forever). Scott has held on to it, hoping to one day use it to put Sonny away. He and Jordan team up to figure out a way to do that. Silas warns Morgan to stay away from Denise or he'll tell Kiki what they've been up to. Ric makes Nina think she's hallucinating a crying baby, then pretends he found one of Avery's blankets in her drawer. Julian makes his first appearance in, like, six weeks, and all he does is complain about "Denise" and Franco.

Sonny to Carly: "That makes you her mother." Ava, across town: "Why does my head hurt all of a sudden?"

I like that "going Alexis" is a thing.

Dear Kiki, I have no use for you, but I liked your outfit today.

Is Franco going to be eating in every scene from now on? Is that going to be a thing?

I don't think the DA's desk drawer is acceptable for evidence storage, but I'm no lawyer.

We get it. William DeVry is ripped. Let's move on.

July 16th, 2015

Ric's gaslighting of Nina is working, as she thinks she kidnapped Avery and blocked it out. Madeline thinks the only thing that could ruin their plan is if Nina confides in someone who thinks there's nothing wrong with her mental state. That's exactly what she's doing, and the confidant happens to be Silas, who knows with 100% certainty that she didn't take Avery. Ric thinks something horrible happened to Nina as a child that led to her breaking down as an adult. He's probably right, but Madeline won't tell him anything. Not that Ric cares that much, since he'd rather be in bed with Madeline. Morgan blasts Ava for telling Silas that he and Kiki kissed. Ava tells him that she had to get Silas to back off because he was hitting on her. She blurted out Morgan's name because he's the only person she thinks about. The two of them do their "we can't hook up"/"let's just make out a little" thing once again, of course just as Kiki is on her way over. Michael learns that his parents are getting remarried and RSVPs maybe. Then he asks Sonny to let "Denise" see Avery, and Sonny RSVPs no. Franco tries but fails to steal the recording from Scott's desk. Alexis and Julian recap some things in case you've missed a day.

Me when Madeline says she doesn't want to hurt Nina.

Ric: "You gotta trust me." Me: "Bwa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Go on."

"You ate carbs?" Alexis asks Julian as he eats a piece of toast right in front of her. Aren't lawyers supposed to be more observant?

They're making Seinfeld movie references again. Hey, it's better than all the Golden Girls mentions.

July 17th, 2015

Nina catches Madeline with Ric and asks if her husband is her mother's lawyer. Madeline spills that Ric admitted that he only married Nina for her money. Ric distracts Nina by playing the baby recording, then reaffirms to Madeline that his plan will work. Franco inadvertently keeps Kiki from finding Ava and Morgan while Morgan's renewing his membership in the Slept With Mother and Daughter Club. Ava quiets Franco by telling him that Julian and Alexis are going at it in the bedroom. They're actually trying out role-playing at the Metro Court, where Franco later spots them. Carly and Sonny's engagement happiness is interrupted by a stolen shipment and a gunfight. Sonny suspects that Julian's responsible, but Alexis believes her boyfriend when he tells her he isn't. Sabrina gets the hospital board to approve funding for the clinic, so that plotline is back on.

I can't believe the censors let Ava's Franco/right hand comment get through.

Alexis and Julian playing Ms. Robertson and Tristan better be a hint that Robert's going to make an appearance.

Carly said "loyal" – drink!

Hey, there was a hit on Sonny's people and Max didn't get shot! Good job, Max.

Sabrina: "I have good news." Michael: (talks about himself for half an hour). Great relationship, guys.

Scorecard:
Engaged: Sonny Corinthos and Carly Jacks

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Carly asking if she and Sonny are getting married so he doesn't have to correct himself when he accidentally calls her his wife
Funniest moment (unintentional): Elizabeth: "Jake." (Both of them turn around)
Saddest moment: Lucky being afraid that he has Luke's darkness and will pass it on to his kids
Sweetest/cutest moment: Jason and Monica's scenes
Least believable moment: There sure was a lack of questions about how it was possible Jake was alive
Best instance of continuity: Kiki plays poker
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Sabrina, for getting the clinic approved
Most annoying character: Valerie
Smartest character: N/A
Dumbest character: Franco, for calling out Ava's real name outside the apartment where she lives with someone who doesn't know her real identity
Inside joke: I'm guessing the Tristan/Ms. Robertson references were for Trisan Rogers/Robert Scorpio

The week in a nutshell:

• Ava and Morgan continued to be unable to keep their hands to themselves, even after Silas lectured Morgan about behaving himself. Ava kept his presence in the apartment quiet, telling Franco that Alexis and Julian were there, but he saw them somewhere else and started to get suspicious.
• Ric and Madeline put their plan into action, trying to make Nina think she hears a crying baby. Nina started to suspect that she really did kidnap Avery but doesn't remember.
• Lucky came back to town long enough to take Jake home to Elizabeth, have heart-to-hearts with Luke and Nikolas, and learn Jason's identity.
• Jason bonded with Monica, met his older son for the first time, and remembered picking up Jake's motorcycle after his "death."
• Lulu decided she could come to forgive Dante, but she thinks he and Valerie only kissed.
• Sonny had a big week: He became the godfather of Port Charles again and got engaged to Carly.
• Ava sent Franco to steal the recording of her confession to Connie's murder, but he couldn't get it.
• Sonny continued to refuse Ava access to Avery.
• Tracy hooked up with Paul, annoying both Luke and Dillon.
• Jordan and Scott agreed to work together to take down Sonny.
• Alexis and Julian did some role-playing.

July 20th, 2015

Elizabeth takes Jake to Patrick for a checkup, which shows that he's perfectly healthy – and he also has no scars from any kind of organ donation. Later, Elizabeth visits Wyndemere, and Laura seems to overhear Nikolas telling her that Lucky knows "Jake" is Jason. Jason tells Carly about Jake's resurrection, leading Carly to wonder whose kidney Josslyn received. Lulu talks over her marriage issues with Luke, who's sorry that his and Laura's actions affected so many people negatively. Valerie claims to want to forget all about her affair, even though she guesses (correctly) that Lulu's going to want to hash things out with her. Dillon urges Tracy to forgive Luke, since Dante was able to forgive Lulu. Then he suffers through a really awkward breakfast with his parents. After learning from Nikolas that Lucky left town, Laura makes the opposite decision, deciding to stick around for a while.

I really appreciated the scenes Elizabeth and Patrick had today. As he mentioned, he's always felt horrible about not being able to do more for Jake, so I was happy to see him get closure. I thought Jason Thompson played the scenes perfectly.

So we're going with Little Jake and Big Jake? That sounds weird to me. I prefer Little Jake and Fake Jake, or, as they're known on Twitter, Jake Doe and Jake Deux.

I'm starting to like Dillon more. He's much more in character now.

Laura, Nikolas buries his heart because that way he doesn't have to admit that he doesn't have one.

July 21st, 2015

Tracy tells Luke she can forgive him for his latest adventure, but she can't marry him. Spending time with Paul made her realize that she can't take getting back into a relationship that's so much work and doesn't let her have fun. She also thinks Luke needs to deal with his past traumas and become a new person, since he keeps trying to be the old Luke. He agrees, and the two say a sad goodbye. Lulu and Valerie lay (almost) everything on the table, eventually coming to an uneasy truce. Jordan lets Dante know that she knows exactly what happened between him and Valerie, and it better not happen again. Sam wonders if Julian was being honest when he told Alexis he was out of the mob. Sonny wonders the same thing, asking Julian if he was involved in the recent theft of his shipment. Julian promises that the baby's death made him reevaluate his life, and he won't be doing anything illegal. It's unclear if he's telling the truth, but he's definitely working on something. Jordan wants Dante to bring Sonny in for questioning, hoping to stick him in a cell for a few hours and take advantage of his claustrophobia. Dante points out that that's stupid, and will earn the wrath of Ric, and also, come on, Jordan, you're better than that. Maxie and Nathan are still cute together but really, really need a plot.

Ten years ago, I was like, "Ew, Luke and Tracy." Now I'm like, "Aw, Luke and Tracy."

Dear Valerie: What Chandler said.

You, too, Dante. If I talked to my boss the way he talks to Jordan, I'd be in sooooo much trouble.

Alexis, I know she's your daughter, but telling Sam anything about your work breaks attorney-client privilege.

So Maxie went to Portland for, what, two days? Weird.

July 22nd, 2015

Luke agrees to let Michael tear down the Spencers' house and build the clinic in its place. Then he decides to go out with a bang and kill himself in the house. Laura gives Nikolas and Elizabeth, like, five chances to tell them who "Jake" really is. When they don't, she tells Nikolas she already knows. She has many, many good reasons they should share the news, but Nikolas manages to get her to agree to keep quiet because of families and ELQ and blah blah. Sam and Carly both become emotional over Jake's return and what it would have meant for Jason. Lucas has no answers for Carly on where Josslyn's kidney came from, so he suggests that Brad run some tests. Carly suggests that the two of them have a double wedding with her and Sonny, and it's not clear if she's serious or not. Brad finally tells Felix the secret he's been keeping, though we don't get to hear it. Felix urges him to tell the truth, so of course, Brad's impulse is to call the whole thing off. Sabrina does the friend thing with Tracy, encouraging her to become a new person.

Can we please have a final Alexis/Luke scene? I need one last "Natasha."

When Michael asked Luke if Carly knew what happened with Lucky and Ethan, I realized for literally the first time that Carly and Ethan are cousins.

I'm a huge fan of Laura's method of trying to get the truth out of someone.

Those children's books at Wyndemere are from when Rocco lived there (as Ben), right? Because they can't be Spencer's. You can't tell me he ever read anything other than Tolstoy.

Parents of children who have half-siblings, please take a lesson from Sam on how to treat those half-siblings and encourage a relationship between them and your own children.

July 23rd, 2015

Tim's ghost urges Luke to kill himself, but Patricia and Lena's ghosts talk him out of it. Lena promises that she forgives him, and encourages him to figure out who he is without all his demons. While Lulu tells Maxie that Dante and Valerie kissed, Dante tells Nathan the whole story, swearing him to secrecy. Bobbie also learns of the kiss and tells Valerie she can confide in her whenever she needs. Brad reveals that he can't marry Lucas because he's already married. They're interrupted before he can name his spouse. Michael and Sabrina take their cuteness to the boathouse.

Now I want one last Luke/Carly scene, too, with a "Caroline."

Oh, Maxie's going to be thrilled when she inevitably finds out that Nathan's keeping a secret from him.

Lucas was worried that Brad would cheat on him one day? How is that a healthy relationship?

What is it about the boathouse that makes everyone want to get it on there?

July 24th, 2015

Luke tells Bobbie he's going to leave town to find himself. He has a conversation with his younger self, now hopeful about his future. Ric uses a crib and a doll with its eyes X'd out to convince Nina that she kidnapped Avery and blocked it out. Once Madeline hears the news, she sends Nathan to see Nina, and he finds Avery's blanket. Franco gets Ava to admit that she's fooling around with Morgan, then tells her he's going to break the news to Kiki. Scott tells Laura that if there are any secrets she'd like to unburden on him, he's all ears (except for that piece Luke bit off – thanks, I'm here all week!). Madeline isn't pleased with Nathan's choice of girlfriend. Morgan and Kiki talk but it's not interesting or important.

I really like the actor who plays the younger version of Luke. So I have an idea of how they can keep him around. Bill and Luke look alike. Jenny is Bill's sister. Jenny was married to Paul. Say they have a teenaged son together. Bingo! Dillon gets a brother, and we keep the actor.

Congratulations, show – you made me feel bad for Nina.

So it only took Ric three tries to get Nina to believe she kidnapped Avery, but they drag out the Jason reveal for a whole year? How is that fair?

I wonder what would happen if Laura did tell Scott about Jason? Probably nothing. I can't see him doing anything with the information.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): There wasn't a ton of funny stuff this week
Funniest moment (unintentional): Franco: "What kind of a mother hurts her daughter like that?" Cut to Madeline
Saddest moments: Tracy hasn't had fun for a year; Bobbie not wanting Luke to leave
Sweetest/cutest moment: Bobbie trying to be supportive of Valerie
Least believable moment: Maxie only went to Portland for a couple days
Best instance of continuity: Brad got his job through unethical means
Worst instance of continuity: Franco kept referring to "yesterday" while talking about events that supposedly happened multiple days ago
Hero of the week: Lena's ghost
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: N/A
Dumbest character: N/A
Unanswered question of the week: Who is Brad married to?

The week in a nutshell:

• After giving Michael permission to tear down the Spencers' house for the clinic, Luke contemplated suicide, but his mother and sister's spirits convinced him to live. Instead, Luke decided to leave town.
• As word spread that Jake was alive, questions arose about Josslyn's kidney transplant. Sam and Carly found it hard to see Jake without thinking of Jason.
• Laura overheard Nikolas and Elizabeth discussing Jason and learned that he's alive. She made several excellent points as to why their plan is horrible, but ultimately agreed to keep quiet.
• Ric broke Nina, and Madeline made sure that Nathan found Avery's blanket.
• Dante told Nathan what happened between him and Valerie, while everyone else continued believing they'd just kissed.
• Brad announced that he and Lucas can't get married because it would make him a bigamist.
• The Ava/Morgan/Kiki situation continued, with Franco confirming that the first two are sleeping together.
• Sonny and Sam both questioned Julian's claims that he's out of the mob for good.
• Maxie and Madeline weren't fans of each other.
• Sabrina encouraged Tracy to see her breakup with Luke as a chance to get a new start.

July 27th, 2015

After saying goodbye to Sonny and Lulu, Luke leaves town. Ric manages to keep Nathan from taking the baby blanket or Nina to the police station, though Nina thinks he can help her. Franco wants to tell Kiki about Ava and Morgan fooling around, but he decides to keep his mouth shut. Maxie and Madeline snipe at each other, and when Madeline complains to Nathan, he basically says she deserved it. Dillon and Morgan randomly talk about relationships and faithfulness. Laura is much gentler toward Dante than I would be if he cheated on my daughter. Dillon suggests that he and Valerie go out so people will get the hint that she doesn't want Dante (and, apparently, so Dillon can distract himself from thoughts of Lulu).

Farewell, Tony Geary. Thank you for complaining about the writing before you left. We fans appreciate knowing that we're not the only ones upset about some recent developments.

Yeah, I didn't need a final Luke/Lulu scene. I needed a final Luke/Laura scene. Flashbacks would have been nice, too.

It makes me laugh that Ric's coming across as not wanting to give Nathan the blanket because it would incriminate Nina, when the reality is that it would incriminate Ric (since they wouldn't find Avery's DNA on it).

I'd really like for Mac and Felicia to meet Madeline and tear into her.

Who goes to a bar to work on a screenplay? Hipster screenwriters are supposed to hang out in coffee shops, Dillon.

July 28th, 2015

Ava does an excellent job convincing Nina to ditch Ric and get back together with Franco. She pulls from her own experiences with Morgan to talk about being with the person you really love. Meanwhile, Franco threatens to kill Morgan if he doesn't stay away from Ava. Dillon and Valerie tell Lulu and Dante that they're going on a date. Dante seems neutral, but Lulu's supportive because Dillon could end up keeping Valerie's mind off of Dante. Silas decides to confess to Avery's kidnapping so Nina will be off the hook. When he goes to talk to Scott, he finds Franco trying to steal the recording again. Nathan tells Jordan about the blanket, plus his suspicions that Nina's being set up. He's on the right track to piecing it all together, as he thinks Ric married Nina for her money. Ric slams Madeline for directing Nathan toward the hotel room, and Madeline slams Ric for letting him see the blanket. He thinks they've done so well with their plan that Nina will end up confessing to the kidnapping. Kiki still wants Silas and "Denise" to hook up.

I'd love it if Ava accidentally ruined Ric and Madeline's plans without even knowing it.

Morgan, don't taunt the serial killer.

What's up with Silas' apartment? Has the kitchen always been where it is?

If a three-month-old unsolved case is considered "cold," there must be a lot of cold cases in Port Charles.

"I tried to think well of [Ric]." OH, JORDAN, NO.

July 29th, 2015

Franco accuses Silas of setting up Nina to take the blame for Avery's kidnapping so Ava can be free. Silas admits that he wants to confess to Scott so Nina will stop thinking she's crazy. Franco's upset to hear that Nina's so unstable. Ava and Morgan once again can't keep their clothes on, even as they kick themselves for not being able to stay away from each other. This time, though, Silas catches them. Nina tells Ric she's leaving him for Franco, so Ric tries to get her to change her mind by pointing out that their marriage precludes him from having to testify against her. He ups his game by playing the baby recording again to keep her reliant on him. Michael and Monica visit Jake, effectively ending Elizabeth's attempts to keep him from the Quartermaines. Later, Laura arrives and meets "Jake" for seemingly the first time. Sam tells Patrick that she feels like Elizabeth is hesitant to let Danny and Jake get to know each other. Patrick's skeptical that there's still Jason-related tension between them, so Sam tells him how Elizabeth manipulated Danny's DNA test to hold on to Jason. They agree that Elizabeth must be pretty ethical since she didn't keep quiet that long. (Irony! We get it.) Sam asks Patrick to talk to Elizabeth about letting their sons have a relationship. Sonny and Carly chat with Laura about Jake, and Carly catches on that Laura's acting strangely. Michael wonders if Nikolas knows who Jason really is. Another of Sonny's shipments is hit.

It appears that Lexi Ainsworth is coming back. Yay, I need Kristina to make trouble for Sonny!

It also appears that Michael Easton is on his way out. Of course, just when I started to like Silas.

I forgot how much Franco knew, so when he started talking about everything Silas has done, I thought he was just making some really good guesses. Wake up, Jenn.

Sam didn't tell the rest of the Elizabeth/Danny story (she might not know it) – that she waited to tell Jason that Danny was alive until after he'd signed divorce papers.

Elton? Wow, there's a blast from the past.

Michael Corinthos, making the Hayden/Nikolas connection! Give yourself a gold star.

June 30th, 2015

Laura makes some very pointed comments about Jason and Elizabeth that Elizabeth somehow doesn't pick up on. Patrick urges her to let Sam introduce Danny to Jake, and Laura and Jason back him up. Elizabeth has no choice but to give in. Once they're alone, Laura finally admits that she knows Elizabeth's secrets. Silas informs Ava that he's going to confess to kidnapping Avery so Nina will be off the hook. He's willing to go to prison for kidnapping Avery, and he's definitely willing to out Ava and Morgan for hurting Kiki. While Ric takes Nina to Shadybrook, Franco accuses Madeline of doing exactly what she and Ric have been doing. He rushes to Shadybrook to catch up with Nina, but he's not fast enough to stop her from committing herself. Scott bugs Nikolas to tell him the secret Laura was going to tell him. Nikolas pretends he doesn't know it, so Scott guesses he won't mind if Scott talks to Laura about it again. Nikolas slowly loses control of the conversation, leading Scott to guess that he's involved in whatever's going on.

Okay, seriously, why do people dislike Laura? She's the best.

How did Elizabeth not catch on that Laura knows about Jason? (Also, maybe Nikolas should have warned her?)

I'll admit, I laughed when Elizabeth said it would be funny if they got Jake and Danny in the same room and neither talked.

Nikolas, your poker face is getting worse and worse.

July 31st, 2015

Morgan's determined to keep Silas from telling Kiki anything, but Ava wants him to keep his head. After some time apart, Ava returns home shaken, and an edgy Morgan goes to the Metro Court. Franco assures Nina that she's not crazy, then tells her everything about Silas and Ava. Furious, Nina leaves Shadybrook, and Franco later finds her at Silas' apartment, kneeling over him with a knife. Laura tells Elizabeth that she's decided to tell Jason who he is. Elizabeth begs her not to, coming up with all sorts of reasons why she should stay quiet. Nothing works until Elizabeth reveals that she thinks Nikolas had Hayden shot. If Jason's identity comes out, the police might reopen the case and discover that Shawn wasn't the shooter. Jason tells Sam that Michael wondered if Nikolas knows who he is. Sam's hesitant to believe that he would keep quiet for so long, but Jason points out that his ethics went out the window a while ago. He confesses that he wants to know who he is. Patrick makes that a possibility by sharing that Hayden appears to be waking up. Michael taunts that he's going to find out Nikolas' secrets and exploit them to get ELQ back.

If Nina hurt Silas, at least she has the excuse of being a psych patient.

Oh, hey, Elizabeth's smarter than I thought! I mean, she's still a moron, but it's something.

Jason and Sam are starting to pull at a good thread: What's so important about Jason's identity that Nikolas would keep quiet?

Guess who got a contract? Some hints: Her initials are R.B. and her character's name rhymes with Maiden Darns. Also, she's about to come out of a coma and she knows lots of secrets.

Scorecard:
Left town: Luke Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Madeline: "Your girlfriend was horrible to me while you were gone." Maxie: "And I wasn't even done"; Sonny's reaction when Carly mentioned "Jake"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason high-fiving Monica
Saddest moment: Nina dreading being committed again
Sweetest/cutest moment: Franco and Nina (I'm not made of stone, people)
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instances of continuity: Maxie spent some time in Pentonville; this isn't the first time Elizabeth has done something drastic to hold on to Jason; Elton!
Worst instance of continuity: Lulu and Dillon keep insisting that they've only ever been friends and stepsiblings, as if they never slept together
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest characters: Nathan, Michael, Franco
Dumbest characters: Morgan, Ava

The week in a nutshell:

• Franco lectured Morgan about staying away from Ava, but even a threat of bodily harm couldn't keep the dumbest Corinthos from falling into bed with "Denise" again. Silas found them and announced that he was going to confess to Avery's kidnapping so Nina would be cleared. As Ava made Morgan promise to find a way to head Silas off without actually talking to him, Franco told Nina everything about Silas and "Denise." Ava, Morgan, and Nina all took off on their own, and later Franco found Nina with a knife in a possibly dead Silas' apartment.
• Ric held off Nathan, who suspected that he was only in the marriage for Nina's money. Franco had his own suspicions, figuring out that Madeline and Ric were working together to destabilize Nina. Ava convinced Nina to go back to Franco, but Ric got hold of her again and convinced her to recommit herself.
• Elizabeth was unable to continue making excuses for why Jake and Danny shouldn't get to know each other. Laura confronted her for lying, so Elizabeth pulled out all her excuses. Then she told Laura that if she spills the truth, Nikolas could go to prison for trying to have Hayden killed.
• Michael planted the idea in Jason's head that Nikolas might know his real identity. Jason shared the possibility with Sam, admitting that he wants to know who he is. In some of the best timing ever, Patrick announced that Hayden was waking up.
• Luke left town anticlimactically.
• Dillon and Valerie decided to go out.
• Maxie and Madeline didn't get off on the right foot.
• Scott was really curious as to what Laura's keeping from him. Carly also suspected that something was fishy.
• Sonny still faces threats from an unknown target.