General Hospital blog - July, 2017

July 5th, 2017

Sam sees a doctor named David Bench who diagnoses her with an iron deficiency and thinks she could have postpartum depression. Sam keeps her hallucinations to herself, since, as a Sonny hallucination points out, she could land herself in a psychiatric ward and lose the ability to protect Jason from Sonny. Meanwhile, Sonny tells Jason he's leaving the business, and Jason wonders if Sonny wants him to take over. Sonny says no, but if anyone disagrees with whoever he appoints as his successor, Jason could end up a target. A halluSonation tells Sam to take care of the real threat to her family's safety, so she heads over to Sonny's restaurant and stabs him. Valentin tells Nina that he thinks the WSB will have him killed before he can go to trial, so they can be done with anything involving the chimera. Nina promises to tell the public if that happens, but Valentin would rather just fade into oblivion, I guess. Nina immediately calls Anna, who assures her that Frisco isn't going to let Valentin be killed. Nina blames her for the destruction of her marriage, but later she takes off her wedding ring, so it looks like she's sticking with her decision to leave Valentin. In the Netherlands, a WSB thug shows up in Valentin's cell to either transfer him somewhere or kill him. Stella and Alexis have dinner with Molly and T.J., and Stella makes it awkward by complaining more about Curtis and Jordan. Those two miss the family dinner because they're in Jordan's bed. Curtis makes it clear again that he's going to be with Jordan whether Stella likes it or not, repeating this when he and Jordan run into Stella later. Stella responds by collapsing. Anna appears to be ready to take her friendship with Andre to a new level, however that might turn out.

I'm going to guess that Sam just hallucinated stabbing Sonny, because I don't think they would go that far with this so quickly. But if not, nice development.

I hope it was worth the money they paid James DePaiva for, like, 12 lines of dialogue.

"Valentin matters to me." Well, that makes one of us.

The ICC can't spring for a phone made after 1986?

July 6th, 2017

Dillon, Dante, and Michael throw Ned a bachelor party at the Metro Court, but things almost end in disaster when Dillon accidentally starts a fire. Meanwhile, Laura and Lulu try to get Olivia excited in a bachelorette party, though she just wants a quiet night. Laura encourages her to loosen up, and Olivia's already nervous about having to speak in front of a bunch of people at the wedding, so she indulges in a few martinis and is drunk in about 15 minutes. When the firefighter who came to deal with the guys' fire checks out Olivia's room, she thinks he's a stripper and starts to take off her clothes. And that's how Olivia landed in jail the night before her wedding. (She's also mistaken for a hooker by a new police officer who will probably never hear the end of it from Dante.) Sonny's stabbing is another hallucination, but Sam warning him to stay away from her family is reality. After talking to Jason on the phone, she snaps out of it, apologizes to Sonny, and asks him not to tell Jason about their weird conversation. Later, when she learns that Sonny's leaving the business, Sam has a halluSonation of Sonny saying he wants Jason to take over. Jordan guesses that Stella had a stroke, and by calling an ambulance, she's apparently a hero. Griffin tells Curtis and Jordan that this isn't Stella's first stroke, and Jordan worries that she's to blame for this one. Jax is spending the next few months in Abu Dhabi, so Josslyn can't live with him. She accuses Carly of getting Jax to accept an international deal, then points out that Jax has to work overseas because he can't work in the U.S. While Oscar comforts Josslyn via text messages, Carly tells Sonny how disappointed Josslyn is. He makes a phone call after she leaves, possibly putting the wheels in motion to get Jax undeported.

Thank you, show, for the gift of drunk Olivia, and for letting Lisa LoCicero show off her comedy skills.

Taking care of drunk Olivia seems easier than looking after Spencer, so Laura probably considered this a night off.

Confession: I'm disappointed that Sam didn't really stab Sonny, because that would have been a fun plotline.

I'm impressed with Josslyn and Oscar's (Josscar's?) grammar and spelling.

July 7th, 2017

Everyone tries to keep Olivia from finding out that the story of her arrest has been published in the paper, but that doesn't last. That plus the fact that her wedding dress never arrived makes her decide to call off the wedding. Ned changes her mind, and Monica borrows a dress from Nina, so the wedding's back on. Everything actually goes smoothly, so we have a new Mr. and Mrs. Quartermaine. Carly tells Josslyn to play nice even while she's seething with hatred toward Sonny. Sonny tries to extend an olive branch, but there's no way Josslyn's going to get over what he did to Jax. She's supposed to stay home and wait for Avery to be brought over, but instead she meets up with Oscar. Nina dresses Nelle up so she'll be pretty for Michael at the wedding. Carly spends the whole evening giving her the evil eye while Michael and Nelle ignore her. Realizing that Nathan's keeping the Ask Man Landers stuff from Maxie, Amy says they can call everything off. Nathan declines, then doles out some advice to help her meet people, which makes Amy and Nina tease him about actually becoming Ask Man Landers.

Lisa LoCicero may have set a record for the longest time playing a soap character who's never been married.

I'm amazed they actually had Leo there. I figured they would make up an excuse for him to miss the wedding.

I really enjoy Kiki when she's doing funny stuff. But we need to see more of her and Dillon together, because it took me a long time to figure out why she was involved in the wedding stuff.

So who had to explain to Charlotte (and, by extension, Scarlett Fernandez) what a hooker is?

Laura ships Sonny and Carly? Who knew?

Arrested (and released): Olivia Falconeri
Hospitalized: Stella Henry
Married: Olivia Falconeri and Ned Quartermaine

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Drunk Olivia
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moments: Curtis worrying about Stella; Josslyn telling Oscar how much her life has changed and how much she misses Morgan
Sweetest/cutest moment: Laura giving Olivia a pep talk
Least believable moment: No mention of Brook or explanation of why she wasn't at the wedding
Best instances of continuity: It's probably not intentional continuity, but Griffin once again broke doctor/patient confidentiality; Ned once stopped Olivia from opening a hotel for dogs
Worst instance of continuity: Jason went out to help Bernie the night he "died," not Sonny
Hero of the week: Monica
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Monica
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

July 10th, 2017

The wedding guests continue the fun at the reception, where nothing all that interesting happens, but at least no one gets shot or anything. Nina wanders into the reception, mopes for a while, and goes to Wyndemere, where she finds Spencer looking for Mikkos' real will. He only manages to find a copy of the existing one, and Laura tells him he needs to start accepting reality. It's Spencer, so of course he's not going to do that. Nina feels sorry for herself some more, admitting she misses Valentin, and falls asleep on a Wyndemere couch. When she wakes up, she's not alone, and since Dante has just gotten a phone call giving him bad news, I think it's safe to assume that Valentin is no longer in the Netherlands. Sonny learns from Avery's nanny that Josslyn wasn't home when she was supposed to be, and Carly can't reach Josslyn on the phone, so she's in a lot of trouble when she finally tears herself away from Oscar. She and Carly fight for the 1,587th time, and this time Sonny jumps in to say Josslyn's justified in being angry but shouldn't take it out on Carly. Michael and Nelle have sex in the Crimson office, despite being in a hotel full of rooms with doors where they can have complete privacy.

I guess Olivia's family couldn't be bothered to take a train up for the wedding.

Thank God Kiki caught the bouquet instead of Nelle.

Okay, people, stop telling Ned to take care of Olivia. It's sexist, and we all know she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Who thought it was appropriate for the kids at Lila's Kids to put on Hamlet? Alice, do we need to have a talk?

July 11th, 2017

Valentin thinks the WSB released him because they don't want to have to admit that they created the chimera and then lost it. He wants Nina back, but she holds on to her will power and maintains that they're over. Then she goes to Nathan for a reminder that she did the right thing. Nathan proves that he's just as good as Ask Man Landers by reminding her that she needs to stay away from her husband. Dante and Lulu ask Anna if Valentin's really free, and she confirms that the WSB let him go. They remain civil when he comes to see Charlotte, and he agrees to let her stay with the Falconeris until the custody situation is worked out. Valentin tells Anna that he's kind of grateful to her because he wouldn't have Charlotte and wouldn't have met Nina without what happened in the past. Anna encourages him to become a better person, warning that she'll be there to nab him if he doesn't. Nathan doesn't think Obrecht should go to prison, so he's pleased when Finn offers a deal: If Obrecht clears his name and resigns from GH, he’ll drop the charges. Obrecht refuses at first; apparently she'd rather be in prison than risk her medical career. Then she realizes that losing her job will give her more time to plot revenge on Finn, specifically via Hayden and/or the baby. Hayden has baby-related pain, because of course, but at least it makes her realize she really does want the baby. She also bonds more with Elizabeth, and they should enjoy that while it lasts. Anna and Andre have suddenly both decided that they should stay friends instead of trying out a relationship.

Dear Nina, I'm so proud of you. Keep up the good work.

Nathan, I love you, but your mother absolutely belongs in prison. She should have been sent there years ago.

Speaking of loving Nathan, there sure where a lot of people talking about his awesomeness today. Not that they're wrong, of course. It's just a little weird.

Yay, someone listened to me about Finn's hair! I don't really like the cut, but still, yay!

July 12th, 2017

Spencer tells Josslyn and Oscar that he's going to go all Hamlet on Valentin, only he'll actually be successful. Just as Laura and Kevin learn that Valentin is back, he visits Spencer to offer him a Cassadine ring as a peace offering. Spencer's like, "Oh, yeah, this will totally make up for the fact that you murdered my father." Sonny wants Jason as a (legitimate) business partner, but Jason thinks people will see their new venture as a front and suspect that he's taking over the mob. Sam's so desperate to protect Jason that she goes to Julian for advice. He tells her the only way to keep Sonny out of Jason's life is to eliminate him. A halluSonation seconds this, so Sam goes out and buys a gun. Valentin is starting a non-profit with racehorses, and I'm sure that naming it after Nina is in no way an attempt to win her back. Nina seems tempted, and Nelle isn't going to be any help in changing her mind. Carly complains to Bobbie about Nelle, then presents a plan to drive her and Michael apart. Bobbie has a better idea: Get Felicia to dig up more dirt from Nelle's past so Michael chooses to leave her on his own. Josslyn and Oscar continue to bond, and he even tries to keep Sonny from bugging her, which is pretty hilarious. Julian is interested in Crimson again, but there's no way anyone cares about this.

$5 says Sam shoots Jason, thinking he's Sonny.

Julian, did you just suggest that your daughter kill someone? Yeah, you're a real stand-up guy.

Nelle, no! Don't encourage this horrible relationship!

Today's best out-of-context quote: "I'm very happy for the horses."

Oooooooh, Oscar. Oh, sweetie. No.

July 13th, 2017

Oscar thinks Sonny is some kind of creep who wants to hurt Josslyn, so he starts recording their conversation and refuses to leave. Once everything gets sorted out, Sonny praises Oscar for being chivalrous or whatever. He gives Josslyn the news that Jax has been undeported, but Josslyn's not going to forgive him for the deportation any time soon. Sonny tells Carly about the encounter with Oscar, and Carly immediately objects to Josslyn and Oscar's blooming relationship, even when Sonny says he seems like a good kid. Lucy informs Scott that his father, Lee, has died, sending Scott into an attack of shame over how he always disappointed Lee. Lucy tries to convince him that Lee forgave him for all his screw-ups. Serena makes a surprise return to town, so hopefully that will help Scott feel better. Felicia urges Bobbie to stay out of Michael and Nelle's relationship, since Michael's a grown man and gets to do whatever he wants. Bobbie ignores her, telling Michael that he thinks Nelle is only dating him while she continues to plot against Carly. Nelle overhears Michael defending her, but doesn't overhear Bobbie asking Felicia to proceed with the investigation. Felicia tells Nathan that Maxie suspects he's keeping something from her. Nathan pretends everything's normal, then goes to meet Amy, who needs him to do a podcast interview. He refuses, then changes his mind, as usual.

Cool, now Jax can come back to town and punch Sonny in the face.

Lucy learning about Lee's death before Scott did was so contrived. They should have had Serena tell him.

I can't believe Felicia didn't see Amy hugging Nathan.

I need to know more about this poker game with Mac, Felicia, Max, Milo, Diane, Epiphany, and Chandler. I need to SEE this poker game.

July 14th, 2017

Alexis files a civil suit against Valentin on Spencer's behalf, and she really thinks it'll be successful. Valentin accuses her of exploiting Spencer, then decides he needs to get rid of his grandnephew. Meanwhile, Spencer visits Ava, telling her he knows what she's going through, and letting her know that he's trying to get justice for Nikolas. She thinks her life might have turned out differently if she and Nikolas had gotten together, but I'm going to have to say no, that wouldn't have happened. Sonny tells Kiki that he now has full custody of Avery, and Kiki admits that she's better off with Sonny and Carly. She then takes Avery to see Ava, but Avery's too young to get what's going on and seems scared. Ava tells Kiki not to bring her back, so I guess she won't be that upset to learn that Sonny wouldn't support that anyway. Nathan guests on a podcast for men, with Amy feeding him answers through an earpiece. He continues his transformation into Man Landers for real, giving advice on his own. The podcast host is so thrilled that he wants Nathan to be part of a regular feature. Lucy, Serena, and Laura try to comfort Scott, who regrets not letting Lee know how much he meant to Scott. Dante tries one last time to get Ava to confess to her part in Morgan's death, and when she doesn't, he tells Sonny that they have to abandon the case.

Okay, Laura, it's time to fire Chandler.

Did the wardrobe people get Kiki's dress from a 1991 Laura Ashley catalog?

So that Adam's Apple guy was a men's right activist, yeah? Who else would use the words "safe space for men"?

Now Sonny's only getting out of "some parts" of the business? Hmmm...

Back in town: Serena Baldwin, Valentin Cassadine
Dead: Lee Baldwin (R.I.P. Peter Hansen)

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Laura: "Where did you learn how to [pick locks]?" Spencer: "Boarding school – where else?" Kevin: "Money well spent."; Hayden to Elizabeth: "I liked you better when I hated you"; Nelle, re: Carly: "What if she had said yes [to lunch]?" Michael: "Then we would have had the shortest lunch on record, at a place that has no knives"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Mac, Felicia, Max, Diane, Milo, Epiphany, and Chandler play poker together
Saddest moment: All the stuff about Lee
Sweetest/cutest moment: Avery with teeny hair buns
Least believable moment: Lucy knew about Lee's death before Scott did
Best instances of continuity: Kevin mentioned Ryan; Spencer once suffered a burn
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: I guess Spencer, for trying to get at Valentin a different way
Dumbest character: Obrecht, for even considering not taking Finn's deal

The week in a nutshell:

July 17th, 2017

Griffin declares Ava well enough to go home, but she refuses to leave. Andre stops by to assign himself her new psychiatrist, though Ava points out the possible inappropriateness of Morgan's former doctor treating the woman responsible for his death. Sonny and Carly put their wedding rings back on and recommit to each other. He decides this a good idea to tell her that the DA isn't pressing charges against Ava, so they're not going to get justice for Morgan. The two head to Morgan's grave as Ava decides to make the same trip. Spencer tells Charlotte that Valentin killed Nikolas, then manages to not die from the collective power of Valentin, Charlotte, and Laura's glares. Valentin accuses Laura of "weaponizing" her grandson and basically declares revenge. Meanwhile, Spencer is kidnapped. Jason is upset to learn that Sam didn't tell him about follow-up tests Dr. Bench wanted to run. She continues to downplay her condition but gets worried when Griffin takes her for neurological tests. A halluSonation warns that the tests will find her "weakness," and when people learn that she's having visions, no one will take her seriously about her family being in danger. If she's going to make a move on Sonny, it should be now. Curtis overhears Stella mentioning a past love to Felix and gets her to admit that she was once engaged. She chose to let her fiancé, Marcus, head off to San Francisco while she moved in with her sister to help her raise Curtis and Thomas. Jordan spots Anna chatting with Andre and senses that there might be something between them. She encourages Anna to go for it, since at least one of them should be happy. Anna gives her advice back, telling her to let go of past mistakes and try to make things work with Curtis.

Spencer getting kidnapped is totally going to play out like the O. Henry story The Ransom of Red Chief, where the kid is so annoying that the kidnappers want to return him.

Show, if you want to bring back Nikolas, pull the trigger already. If not, don't have Valentin say he might be alive.

A psychiatrist for Ava! Neurological tests for Sam! Griffin is starting this week off awesomely!

Can I trade, like, half the cast for more Felix?

July 18th, 2017

Carly, Sonny, and Ava fight for a while, mostly about how Ava should pay for what happened to Morgan. Then Carly decides they need to let it go and move on, but I doubt that'll actually happen. Speaking of things I doubt will actually happen: Sonny's still working toward getting out of the mob. Spencer's kidnapper stashes him in the basement of a house, where he quickly gets to work trying to free himself. His first plan doesn't work, and he ends up with broken glasses, so he's not feeling very hopeful. Valentin lays into Laura again about letting Spencer bully Charlotte, then tells Charlotte that the two of them and Nina will be a family again. Ava's depressed, part 14, now at the Jeromes' penthouse. Curtis thinks that the best way to pay Stella back for all she's done for him is to break up with Jordan. No, I don't get it either.

Security at Lila's Kids is...not good. Spencer was almost out of the basement before anyone realized he was missing.

Ava's face isn't nearly as bad as I expected. Whatever, I don't care.

Whatever Felix is getting paid to deal with Ava, it's not enough.

Isn't Curtis breaking up with Jordan because of Stella the equivalent of giving in to a child after a tantrum?

July 19th, 2017

News spreads that Spencer has disappeared, and Dante quickly turns his attention to Valentin. Nathan asks Nina about her recent encounters with Spencer, and she says he seemed adamant about taking action to get what he thinks Valentin took from him. Charlotte tells Laura and Kevin that Valentin told her she won't ever have to worry about or see Spencer again. Dante asks Nina if Valentin might have kidnapped Spencer, and though she's uncertain, it's looking like he did. Finn celebrates 90 days sober by getting his job back and moving towards living with Hayden. Obrecht can't get a job with Nina, and she's upset that the hospital is dumping her so unceremoniously, so she's going after Hayden for real. Julian asks Alexis to testify on his behalf at his trial, and she tells him she'll testify if he does. She puts him through a mock trial, and he sticks to his story that he did everything he did to try to protect his family. He thinks the letter he wrote is good enough evidence. Whether or not it'll hold up in court, Alexis still can't get over the fact that he never warned anyone of the danger Liv posed. It's all a moot point anyway, since Alexis then gets a subpoena to testify for the prosecution.

Valentin being Spencer's kidnapper is too obvious, but I'm not sure who else would have taken him.

"He's a bully." Yeah, well, you're a murderer, among other things. What else you got, Val?

Hey, witness who saw Spencer being dragged from the park, why did you wait so long to call the police?

Finn thinks Griffin is handsome (well, really, who doesn't?), ship? FinFin?

"You couldn't have left a message on the fridge?" Seriously. You don't have a leg to stand on here, Julian. You can't argue that you were trying to protect your family when you didn't give them the opportunity to protect themselves. I'm not saying I want William DeVry to have to leave because of a failed contract negotiation, but if Julian gets off my TV, I won't miss him.

July 20th, 2017

Dante and Nathan arrest and interrogate Valentin, who claims he was with his lawyers at the courthouse when Spencer was kidnapped. He convinces Nina he's innocent, and that all his talk about becoming a better person for Charlotte is for real. The eyewitness who says she saw Valentin taking Spencer isn't reliable, so Dante reluctantly realizes he has to let him go. But then Nathan learns that his alibi is false, so he's sent to lockup. Laura asks Sonny to call in favors and do whatever's necessary to get Spencer back. Carly seconds this, ready to support Sonny even if this leads to a war. And this is even before Josslyn lets them know how upset she is and how responsible she feels for not keeping a better eye on Spencer. Obrecht can't find any dirt on Hayden, so she seeks out Hayden's first husband. Hayden hesitates to approve of the house Finn wants to buy since it reminds her of her childhood home. Finn encourages her to let go of her past and start making new memories with him. They christen the house, so let's hope their offer is accepted and some other poor, unsuspecting family doesn't have to live there.

This is now the third time Valentin has mentioned that Nikolas might be alive, so...?

I like how realistic Josslyn's reaction to Spencer's disappearance was. I also like that she went to Carly for comfort. Joss may be mad, but Carly's still her mother.

I really need Obrecht to go away. Far away. Very far away from me.

I think once you have sex in a house, you should be legally obligated to buy it.

July 21st, 2017

Nina pays Valentin's bail, which makes Laura start to spiral out of control. She blasts Nathan for not being able to keep Valentin in lockup, then promises to have Spencer drop the lawsuit and leave town if Valentin will let him go. Valentin keeps insisting that he didn't kidnap Spencer, but Laura refuses to believe him. She attacks him with a crowbar just as Jason shows up, having been enlisted by Sonny to join the search. Jason renders Valentin unconscious, then sends Laura away so he can handle things on his own. Back at home, Sonny gets a text containing a picture of Spencer in captivity. Sam eavesdrops while Sonny asks Jason for help, then goes to Julian's to talk again about her hopes for assassination. Julian isn't there, but Ava is, and she's wallowing in her misery by drinking lots of vodka. Sam advises her to get herself together and get back what's hers, since Sonny deserves to pay for his misdeeds. Nathan basically tells Nina he's sick of her making bad decisions and she's on her own if Valentin hurts her again. (Only he's nicer than that, since he's Nathan.) Bobbie thinks Carly should start listening to Josslyn more instead of just fight with her all the time. Carly starts by asking to meet Oscar so she can find out what Josslyn sees in him.

I read a teaser mentioning Garvey, so that's my guess for who has Spencer.

"I've cleared my schedule." Your schedule of not working? You have no schedule, Jason.

"The only person you need to impress is yourself." Huh? Stick to the stuff Bobbie gives you, Carly.

Unlike Bobbie and Carly, I actually want Josslyn to get pregnant. I've been wanting a teen-pregnancy storyline for years.

Arrested (and released on bail): Valentin Cassadine
Kidnapped: Spencer Cassadine

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Hayden: "Pinch me." Elizabeth: "Can I just slap you for old time's sake?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: Josslyn feeling responsible for Spencer's disappearance
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: Sam hanging out with Ava like they're buddies
Best instance of continuity: Bobbie didn't have the best reaction when Lucas came out
Worst instance of continuity: I'd just like to state for the record that Laura is more upset about Spencer's disappearance than she ever was about Nikolas' death
Hero of the week: I guess Bobbie, for heading off another Carly/Josslyn fight
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Bobbie? I don't know
Dumbest character: Obrecht. Of course that party wasn't for you!

The week in a nutshell:

July 24th, 2017

Sonny's texter summons him to that abandoned brewery he wanted to buy, demanding $200,000 in exchange for Spencer. The texter turns out to be Garvey, who promises that Spencer is unharmed and was just a means to lure Sonny out. He shoots Sonny, who's wearing a vest and is able to turn the tables and shoot Garvey for real. As Sonny's about to call the police and retrieve Spencer, Sam suddenly shows up and announces that she's going to take Sonny out. Oscar takes the police something he thinks belonged to Spencer, leading Dante and Valerie to extend their search to the area where he's being kept. Dante finds the house where he was stashed, but Spencer's already been moved, leaving only his broken glasses behind. Carly makes Josslyn invite Oscar over so she can learn more about him. Oscar continues to be a nice, normal, upstanding guy, and Carly gives Josslyn her blessing to keep the friendship going. Jason interrogates Valentin, making it clear that he'll use violence if necessary. Valentin calmly tells him that, while Spencer is a nuisance, he's not worth risking his freedom over, especially since he's just now getting back to Charlotte. Jason believes him and leaves him to free himself. Mac is trying to do romantic things for Felicia because, as he confides to Nathan, he wrote Ask Man Landers for relationship advice. Nathan is understandably a little weirded out. But who cares, because Maxie's back in town!

I wish I hadn't known about Sam showing up; it would have been a great surprise. Plus, it made me realize that Sonny had to be wearing a vest, since I know he was fine when Sam got there. (Question, though: If he went there 40 minutes ago, how long was Sam outside?)

$200,000 for Spencer? That's it? Aim higher, Garvey.

Still hoping Oscar is as great as he seems, because if so, he's a catch. Also, still hoping he's the son of one of Sonny's enemies – they've now mentioned his out-of-the-picture father for the second time. That has to be significant.

This development with Mac writing to Ask Man Landers is almost worth the whole story. Almost.

Again, I must demand to see these poker games. I'm not surprised Epiphany's that good – she probably has an excellent poker face.

(Boy-band voice) Maxie's back, ALL RIGHT!

July 25th, 2017

Sonny tries to talk Sam down, and just when it looks like he's succeeded, she shoots him in the leg and shoves him through a hole in the floor. She meets up with Jason at home, telling him that it's all over and they're finally safe. As he's realizing that something's really wrong, Sam collapses. Nathan's about to tell Maxie that he's Man Landers (who she finds overrated) when Mac and Felicia show up and interrupt their attempt to leave for some "alone time." Anna then joins them with the news that Robin's in labor. Maxie and Nathan finally make it home, trying to enjoy their time together instead of focusing on the fact that she's only in town for a few hours on a layover. Dante shows Laura Spencer's glasses and tries to assure her that there's no sign that he was harmed. Nina runs into Valentin, who tells her that Jason roughed him up and interrogated him about Spencer. She convinces him to tell the police, and seeing Valentin at the PCPD almost sets Laura off again. Fortunately, Spencer suddenly shows up, having escaped through the window after all. Carly worries that she's a hypocrite for wanting Sonny to get Spencer back by any means necessary, since she's spent so much time complaining about violence and the mob. Diane comes over and yells at Carly and Jason for not telling her that Sonny's made a decision about the business: Until a successor is named, Max is in charge. Diane envies Carly for knowing her husband will be safe, but she knows she can't prevent Max from taking on the job he's worked toward his whole life.

So...what happened to Garvey?

Kirsten Storms looks SO much healthier. I'm glad she got help.

Wait, that's it for Maxie? I feel cheated.

Re: Jason trying not to laugh at the idea of Max running the mob: Same.

July 26th, 2017

Jason rushes Sam to the hospital, where Finn and Griffin think they've figured out what's wrong with her. Sam keeps telling Jason that she's made sure he's safe, but as she's about to explain what she did, she has a seizure. Meanwhile, Sonny finds himself trapped. Spencer pins his kidnapping on Valentin, though Dante notes that he doesn’t have anything definitive to prove this. Spencer insists that his kidnapper was wearing the same shoes Valentin has on now and had on at the park the day before. Laura thinks he's lying to get Valentin arrested and promises they'll get justice for Nikolas, but only through ethical means. Spencer retracts his story, then goes all Inigo Montoya on Valentin. Obrecht has figured out that Hayden's ex-husband, Jared, went to prison for her (though we don't know why). She tries to turn him against his ex so they can both get revenge for the wrongs done to them. Hayden asks Elizabeth for parenting advice, which is really just so we can be reminded that they don't hate each other anymore, which is just a waste of everyone's time. Nina's back to not being sure Valentin is the good guy she thinks he might be.

If Sam has a brain tumor, I want all the writers fired.

I've reached my limit of Spencer. Time for him to go back to Switzerland.

Finn and Griffin are lemmings for...eating lunch? Go away, Obrecht. Also, stop saying you wanted to do what was best for the hospital. You voted for it to close!

Nina, if you're never sure of Valentin's innocence any time he's accused of something, YOU SHOULD NOT BE TOGETHER.

July 27th, 2017

Finn thinks Sam has toxoplasmosis, a brain infection. The good news is that she's stable and it should be treatable. The bad news is that, depending on how long ago she contracted it, Scout could also have it. Sam wakes up to another halluSonation, and Jason's really confused when she says she put an unseen person in the ground. Jordan learns that Garvey escaped the U.S. Marshals extraditing him from Puerto Rico and appears to be heading north. Carly, Michael, and Dante worry when they can't reach Sonny to let him know. Garvey returns to the distillery to gloat, turning down Sonny's suggestion that he get Garvey medical attention and help him flee in exchange for help. Garvey puts crates over the hole in the floor – his version of burying Sonny alive – then heads to the hospital, where he takes Elizabeth hostage to make her treat him. As he's about to put his plan in motion, they run into Carly. Stella is less than gracious about Curtis and Jordan's breakup, and scoffs when Jordan claims it was mutual. Curtis wonders if Hayden and Finn will get married, but Hayden doesn't think she can live up to Reiko's memory. Curtis notes that having a baby with Finn will create a link between them. Sam's health situation has made Finn grateful that Hayden and the baby are okay, like, stop rubbing it in that the couple has no future, show! Michael worries that Sonny's attempts to leave the mob won't matter, since he has so many enemies who could continue targeting him and his family.

I guess we should just be happy that Sam doesn't have brain worms. But couldn't they have done this plot without involving Scout? Unless this is leading to the speculation I read about a DNA test, though I don't know why that would be necessary.

Thanks for the timely warning, U.S. Marshals!

I was just thinking about how much Carly has changed, in that she's rushing to be with Jason instead of focusing on her own issues. Then when she ran into Elizabeth and Garvey, I thought that Elizabeth should be grateful for how much Carly's changed, because the old Carly would be like, "Do whatever you want to her; I don't care."

Jordan, can you put your personal life aside for, like, ten minutes and try to find the homicidal kidnapper?

Stella bugs me, but she's right about one thing: Curtis should have a lot more women interested in him.

Curtis, stop getting HayFinn fans' hopes up about things that are never going to happen.

July 28th, 2017

Sonny tries to keep himself awake by talking to his kids. Josslyn and Oscar show up at the distillery to explore, but neither of them hears Sonny, and he doesn't hear them. Oscar does find a bullet casing, which he takes with him. Sam's condition worsens and she falls into a coma. The good news is that Scout is healthy, so that was a pointless non-crisis. Jason figures out that Sam must have contracted the infection the night she had Scout, so Jason and Kristina's hatred toward Julian is even greater now. Kristina tears into him, and Alexis agrees that he needs to leave the hospital. Garvey holds on to Elizabeth and sends Carly into the hospital to get supplies to help him. He's pretty weakened, though, and it doesn't take much for Carly to overpower him. As Elizabeth goes to alert the police, Garvey lies to Carly that he killed Sonny. Scott thinks the prosecution will sink their own case by putting Alexis on the stand, and Julian will go free.

If this coma is anything like the one Sam was in after she had Scout, she'll be awake in no time.

They used the Sam/Jason musical score again, so that means they can't make this Jason a fake, right? Right.

Slow clap for Kristina, everyone.

Why didn't Garvey send Elizabeth to get supplies instead of Carly? That would have attracted a lot less attention.

Back in town (then left again): Maxie Jones
Hospitalized: Sam Morgan
Injured: Sonny Corinthos

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Mac, Felicia, and Anna falling all over themselves to dismiss Nathan and Maxie for some "alone time"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nancy Lee Grahn's delivery of "WHAT??" when Finn said Sam was in a coma cracked me up for some reason
Saddest moment: Diane worrying about Max's safety
Sweetest/cutest moment: Carly dropping her own crisis to help Jason through his
Least believable moment: The police said they would put security on Carly's house, but no one followed her or Josslyn to protect them from Garvey
Best instances of continuity: Finn hated Hayden when they first met; Hayden and Curtis kissed once; Sam and Jason are in the hospital a lot
Worst instance of continuity: I guess Sam is over her anger at Alexis, if she's letting her look after the kids
Heroes of the week: Oscar, Carly
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Spencer
Dumbest characters: The U.S. Marshals who waited so long to say anything about Garvey's disappearance

The week in a nutshell:

July 31st, 2017

Since Sonny's car and cell phone are untraceable (though Dante thinks there are still ways to track him), Carly thinks Garvey is the only way to find him. Dante insists that he be the first person to talk to Garvey, but Elizabeth lets Carly know first when Garvey's awake. Sonny's pretty sure he's going to die, so he prays and asks God for forgiveness. Then it's his turn to have a hallucination. Hayden tells Finn she had the marriage conversation with Curtis, and he decides he's up for it, so they're engaged. Jared tells Obrecht he's not going to go after Hayden, but later he tracks her down. Valentin's mad at the PCPD for slandering his name, or something, but Nathan's not about to apologize for suspecting him of kidnapping. Also, he wants Spencer to take all of Valentin's money, which is pretty funny. Once Valentin is officially cleared of Spencer's abduction and Nina has her bail money back, they make out a little, but she's still not ready to get back together. Jason does his typical Jason thing, refusing to leave the hospital until Sam's able to go home with him. He makes it clear to Griffin how hard Sam will fight, and Griffin promises to do everything he can for her.

Yeah, Sonny. PRIDE was your biggest sin.

I liked that little moment of Sonny praying for Sam and acknowledging that there must be something wrong with her. I think she's going to be horrified at what she did when she's better, and he's not going to hold anything against her.

Why buy a house with a tennis court if you're just going to take it out? Just get a different house!

Finn caught Griffin's breaking-doctor-patient-confidentiality disease. Physician, heal thyself!

I think I may love Nathan more with each passing day. I need ten more minutes of him telling Valentin he hopes Spencer ruins him.

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