June 8th, 2015

Lulu is literally the only person happy to see Laura, and no one's quiet about it. Laura asks to speak to Luke privately, which makes Tracy erupt. Everyone assures her that the party will continue when Luke gets back, but after his conversation with Laura, he kicks everyone out and tells Tracy he can't go through with the engagement. Ava gets a few minutes with Avery, barely able to keep her cover. Kiki goes looking for her at the Floating Rib while Ava goes home, upset that she can't have more time with Avery. Morgan comforts her, and when her appearance brings up his old feelings for Ava, they kiss. Sloane begs Anna not to leave town, promising to be a good friend and listen when she needs to talk about keep her mind off of Carlos and stroke her hair and feed her grapes. Anna doesn't listen. Silas tells Nina that he knows she didn't take Avery (the second time), and he's sorry if he did anything to put her under suspicion. Brad thinks Laura's arrival is a sign that a big wedding is a bad idea, because he or Lucas could have an ex show up to ruin things, too. Lucas is like, "What ex of yours is going to want to split us up?"

It must kill Ava to wear orange nail polish with pink lipstick.

Does Ava know that Sabrina is Avery's nanny? She will FLIP OUT.

Sloane is getting creepy. Calm down, dude. She'll be back in, like, three months.

Does Bobbie seriously still have problems with Laura? Shut up, Bobbie.

June 9th, 2015

Everyone's mad at Luke and Laura, who claim to be back together. Dillon yells at Luke, but it's Tracy who really lays into him, telling him that when things with Laura inevitably fall apart, she won't take him back. After everyone leaves, it becomes clear that Luke and Laura are up to something. Nikolas tells Rosalie that since Ned's shares give him 43.5%, he needs to get either Brook or Maya's shares plus Lucy's, which would give him 51%. Or he can get Dillon's and have even more control. He knows Dillon's back in town, and he thinks Dillon's connection to Lulu is his way to get what he wants. Sabrina gets confirmation that she's right to be suspicious of Rosalie since Nina had some dirt on her. Franco wants his shares back from Nina, who tells him she sold them to Rosalie. Franco heads straight to Michael and demands his money, which, of course, Michael doesn't have. Franco and Michael think Nina lied, but Sabrina thinks Rosalie could be the liar. Morgan stops his makeout session with Ava, who's unaware that he and Kiki are back together. When she finds out, she and Morgan agree that they can't let Kiki know what happened between them. Maxie tells Nathan how dumb he was for going along with anything Franco put into motion.

"Get lucky," Laura? Or "get Lucky"? Oh, did I mention that I think whatever's going on has to do with Lucky?

If Tracy's so smart and strong and brave, why did Dillon need to come "keep an eye on" her?

Nice reflexes, Dante.

How convenient that the one person whose stock Nikolas needs just got back to town! What an amazing coincidence!

When did Maxie become the smartest person on this show? (Close second: Sabrina.)

Nathan and Maxie need a plotline. Their cuteness is going to waste.

June 10th, 2015

Michael confronts Rosalie about Nina's claim that she bought Ned's ELQ shares. Rosalie says that Nina must have lied, guessing that Sabrina's the one who's really suspicious. She suggests that Sabrina's jealous because Michael and Rosalie are working together. Sloane asks Nikolas to help him get his job back, which Nikolas has no interest in doing. However, he does have a new job opportunity for Sloane: He wants his help taking over ELQ. Sloane agrees to track down Maya and Brook and try to get shares from one of them. Sabrina mentions her concerns about Rosalie with Sam, hiring her to look into Rosalie's secret. Sam realizes that the best place to start is Nina. Jason spots a listing for a job as ELQ's head of security and thinks it's a good fit for him, especially since he already knows his prospective boss. Elizabeth is concerned about him being so close to family. Jason also has a dream about him and Elizabeth playing with a blond boy – but it's not Jake, it's Danny. Obrecht suggests that Franco go to Madeline for help getting Nina to come to her senses. She offers to accompany him on a visit to Pentonville, but when she calls to set it up, she's told that Madeline isn't there. Molly is justifiably annoyed with her new stepmother, and not just because of what Nina did to Sam. T.J. is arrested but won't tell Jordan why.

Now I'm picturing Sloane as Spencer's nanny. It would just be a lot of yelling.

You know what (else) is awesome about Sabrina? Sam's dating her ex, and Sabrina doesn't care.

It took 20 years, but Edward's dream is finally coming true: Jason wants to work for ELQ.

I absolutely loved the fake-out with Jason's dream, since the last time we saw him and Jake together, they were playing with a motorcycle.

Whatever T.J. did, it better be good, because they're sure making a big deal out of it.

June 11th, 2015

Through Ric and Dante, the story of T.J.'s arrest comes out: He was accused of credit card fraud at Wyndham's by a clearly racist security guard. Dante tried to investigate, but T.J. got into a scuffle with the guard. Just as T.J. is about to be released, Lomax tells Jordan to play by the rules, so T.J. has to be booked for the assault. Michael tells Jason that he thinks there's a leak at ELQ, and he thinks the Cassadines have the missing 32%. Jason is interested in helping Michael hold on to his family's legacy, even if it means contacting Helena. Michael's impressed and hires him. Also, Jason has already met Monica, and he likes that he once rode his motorcycle into the Quartermaines' house. Nina tells Sam that she sold the shares to Rosalie, and though there were no witnesses, she gave some of the money to Olivia. Sam urges Nina to spill Rosalie's secret by telling her that Rosalie talks badly about her, and doesn't she deserve some comeuppance? Nina almost gives in but decides to hold on to her leverage. Madeline shows up at Obrecht's office, having had the charges against her dropped since the supposedly dead Ava is the only witness to Avery's kidnapping. Obrecht and Franco urge her to get Nina (and the family's money) away from Ric, but Madeline pretends she's not interested in material wealth anymore. Sabrina confronts Rosalie over the shares, but Rosalie has no patience for her or her relationship with Michael. Amazingly, Sabrina doesn't slap Rosalie for calling her a hooker. Nikolas tries to calm Elizabeth's fears, revealing that he's working on getting control of ELQ, so soon Jason won't be working for his family.

Dante: "This is the dumbest thing I've ever been a part of." Me: "Are you sure, Dante? Are you sure?"

I wonder how Sabrina would feel if she knew Michael called her his "friend."

Are you kidding me, writers? I've been waiting FOR MONTHS for Jason and Monica to meet, and you're telling us it's already happened? BITE ME.

I didn't make the Danny and Edward/Danny and Jason hand-holding parallel before. Nice.

LOL at Elizabeth trying tom ake her actions sound better by saying she's lying to Jason "by omission." Whatever helps you sleep at night, Liz.

So close, Sam! Good hustle out there.

June 12th, 2015

Lulu badgers Luke about his treatment of Tracy until he almost tells her what's really going on. They're interrupted by Dillon, who practically starts a duel with Luke. Luke finally blurts out that everything he and Laura said at the party was a lie. T.J. blasts Jordan for giving in to Lomax's demands instead of getting him out of a situation he shouldn't be in. He thinks she'll always lean toward the "greater good," even when it means betraying him or Shawn. Jordan reminds him that the mob isn't full of good guys, revealing that Duke tried to have her killed. Jason catches Sam planting a bug in Rosalie's phone, then tells Michael that someone's spying on him. Dillon tries to comfort Tracy, but it's Sabrina who connects with her best, since she's able to sympathize over being pushed aside for another woman. Dante's dejection over T.J.'s situation leads to a conversation with Valerie about white privilege, prejudice, and hatred. She assures him that he's not the problematic person in this instance, no matter how much he wishes he'd done something different. They share a meaningful look as I throw things at my TV. Laura visits Nikolas, who becomes the only person in town not mad at her. She gushes about how great he is and how proud she is of him, hopefully sending him on a guilt trip.

Can we have the old Dillon back? This one is annoying.

I absolutely understand T.J.'s position, but he doesn't seem to get that Shawn's incarceration has nothing to do with race. HE TRIED TO KILL SOMEONE, SWEETIE.

I want Jason to pass on Sam's suggestion that the two of them have dinner with Elizabeth and Patrick. I want to see Elizabeth's head explode.

Death to meaningful looks between Dante and Valerie. DEATH.

Scorecard:
Arrested: T.J. Ashford
Left town: Anna Devane

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Franco: "What did [Rosalie] pay with?" Silas: "Sass"; Franco starting to say that he'll get what's coming to him, then realizing that's not the right phrase to use
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason encouraging Michael to go to the police
Saddest moment: Tracy has no friends
Sweetest/cutest moment: Cutie little Avery waving at Ava
Least believable moment: T.J. still doesn't get that mobsters are bad and Shawn committed a crime
Best instances of continuity: Wyndham's is still in business; Jason riding his motorcycle into the Quartermaines' house
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Dillon
Smartest characters: Maxie, Sabrina, Sam
Dumbest character: N/A

The week in a nutshell:

• After a conversation with Laura, Luke retracted his proposal to Tracy and told her he was getting back together with Laura. Everyone turned on him because everyone hates Laura and loves Tracy, apparently. Later, Luke admitted to Lulu and Dillon that something else is going on.
• An inappropriate detainment and fight with a security guard landed T.J. in jail. In the midst of a story about racism and the criminalization of African-Americans, T.J. learned that Duke wasn't the great guy he saw him as.
• Franco went looking for Ned's ELQ shares, angry that Nina had sold them to Rosalie. Rosalie maintained her story that Nina wouldn't sell, making Sabrina suspicious. Sabrina asked Sam to look into Rosalie while Michael hired Jason to head up ELQ's security and investigate the Cassadines. Nikolas hired Sloane to get either Brook or Maya's shares while Elizabeth panicked about Jason's proximity to his family.
• Ric got Madeline out of prison. Obrecht and Franco were surprised that she didn't want to get Nina and the family's money away from her new husband.
• Ava almost blew her cover with Michael, then with Morgan, when the exes started to revisit some old activities.
• Molly met Nina and made it clear that she has no warm feelings for her new stepmother.
• Jason dreamed that he was spending quality time with Danny.
• Anna left for Scotland.

June 15th, 2015

Luke and Laura tell Lulu and Dillon that Lucky's been kidnapped, and their fake reconciliation is some weird condition of the kidnapper. The second condition is that they keep quiet about it. Dillon threatens to tell Tracy, because his mother's feelings are more important than whether Lucky lives or dies. Carly strongly objects to Morgan spending any time with "Denise," so it's a good thing Morgan only tells Sonny that he and Ava made out. Sonny still thinks "Denise" is Ava, and warns Kiki not to trust her too much. Ava tells Silas about her kiss with Morgan, making him angry at both of them. Ava decides to distract herself from her daughter's boyfriend by making out with her daughter's father instead. Sam and Sabrina share their suspicions about Rosalie with Tracy, who tells them about overhearing Rosalie talking about getting Ned's shares. Sam reveals that she bugged Rosalie's phone, unaware that Jason has found the bug and suspects her of spying on Michael for Nikolas. Sloane returns with Brook's shares, having secured them through blackmail. It seems Brook has been babysitting Olivia's son, and Sloane threatened to spill that the baby's actually alive. This means Nikolas is only 1 percent away from controlling ELQ. Rosalie grows more and more panicked about Jason possibly catching her, while Nikolas remains calm. However, even he can't pretend it's not a problem when Rosalie's phone no longer picks up Michael's conversations.

Things that made me laugh today:

• Sonny's continuing "yeah. 'Denise'" attitude
• Sloane using another plotline to further Nikolas' plans
• Silas calling Morgan a "horny little bastard"
• Sam's "get that thing away from me" response to Tracy's ring
• Jason removing Sam's bug and accusing her of spying on Michael

Well, we know Helena didn't kidnap Lucky. She doesn't ship Luke and Laura.

Dillon seriously feels that if Lucky dies, it's Luke's fault, so too bad? You can go away now, Dillon.

Kiki to Ava: "Maybe you'd like to join us." Me: "Take her take her take her take her take her take her."

I'm assuming Jason learned this surveillance stuff from Spinelli? Which makes it even funnier, since it's his bug.

June 16th, 2015

Tracy overhears "the Confederacy of Dunces" talking about her – specifically, Dillon saying he wants to tell her something – and accuses Dillon of conspiring with the Spencers. He manages to stop being a jerk just in time, telling Tracy that Luke and Laura are engaged. He also agrees to keep his mouth shut when Lucky's kidnapper summons Luke and Laura to British Columbia. Lulu, however, has a problem with keeping the news from Dante. T.J.'s arraignment approaches, but he's being charged with more than the misdemeanor he was arrested for. The security guard claims his shoulder is dislocated, which means T.J. could go to prison. One phone call from Sonny to Max later, and the guard decides not to press charges. Despite his earlier glee about putting one of Sonny's associates (well, sort of) behind bars, Scott chooses not to prosecute. Jordan seems to be the only person who knows exactly what happened. Ava kisses Silas, who totally kisses back, then says they can't be together because she still has feelings for Morgan. He awesomely tells her to be a grown-up and keep her tongue out of her daughter's boyfriend's mouth. Ava then goes to see Avery, but Sabrina won't grant her access, since she doesn't have Michael's permission to be there. As expected, Ava's furious to learn that Sabrina is her daughter's nanny. Kiki overheard Morgan telling Sonny that he'll keep something from her, so Morgan tells her that he was planning a surprise trip to Atlantic City. He does tell her a partial truth, admitting that seeing "Denise" stirs up his old feelings for Ava. Kiki assures him that she's not mad. A reporter accuses Dante of racism, so Valerie jumps to his defense. Ric blasts Jordan for obeying Lomax instead of helping her son, like Ric is one to talk about good and bad decisions.

"My mother doesn't need protecting." THEN WHY ARE YOU IN TOWN? GO AWAY, DILLON.

I hope Luke wonders why the ring smells like lemon.

Yeah, Morgan and Kiki really need a vacation from all those long, hard months of sitting around, doing nothing. I love how Kiki wonders if Morgan can afford a trip right now. Of course not! He has no income! He lives with his mother and does nothing all day! JUST LIKE YOU!

That reporter's lucky that Olivia's not in town, because if she finds out he called her son a racist, she'll smack him into the next time zone.

June 17th, 2015

Lulu has a nightmare that she told Dante about Lucky's kidnapping, Dante called the WSB, and Lucky's kidnappers killed him. Unable to even discuss the dream with Dante, Lulu summons Dillon to comfort her. They end up talking about their past and agreeing that they made the right decisions. Jason questions Michael's trust of Rosalie after Michael tells her about the bug in her phone. Rosalie passes the info on to Nikolas, warning that someone's closing in on them. Elizabeth clarifies who that someone is after Jason tells her that Sam planted the bug. She thinks hurting Michael is the one thing Jason will never be able to forgive her for. Nikolas tells her that he has 50% of ELQ and plans to get Dillon's shares next. Sam fills Patrick in on her assignment from Sabrina, and how Jason fits into it. Of course, Patrick's still annoyed that she's in his vicinity. He has no idea, as Jason's having Sam followed, and even takes over her stalker detail himself. He follows her to the Quartermaines and gets the impression that Tracy hired her. Maxie warns Valerie to keep her distance from Dante. Dante assures her that nothing's going to happen, which seems to disappoint Valerie. Tracy finds it interesting that Sabrina says she and Michael are taking things slowly, yet she's helping him keep his family's company.

If Sloane knew that Lucy was (inadvertently) responsible for the election fraud, he could use that to blackmail her 1% from her. That would be a fun development, actually – Dillon would be a moot point.

Elizabeth seriously thinks hurting Michael is the worst thing she could do to Jason? That he won't forgive her for that, but he'll forgive her for everything else? She might be beyond sanity.

Rosalie's an idiot for using her work phone to call Nikolas anyway.

Normally I'd find it ridiculous that Sam didn't recognize Nikolas' voice, but she doesn't recognize her own husband's voice, so...

JASON IS AT THE QUARTERMAINES'! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! Jason also needs to work on stealth, because he's not hiding very well. I'm waiting for Alice to tackle him.

Haaaaaaaa, someone finally told Maxie to get a job.

June 18th, 2015

Jason calls Michael to the Quartermaines', where Michael accuses Tracy of being behind a takeover attempt. Sabrina, Tracy, and Sam explain that they've figured out that Rosalie is working for the real person trying to take over. Also, Jason seems to find the house familiar but doesn't say anything about it. Meanwhile, Elizabeth learns from Patrick that Sam planted the bug at Sabrina's request, and that they're getting closer to busting Nikolas. She leaves a message to warn him while Nikolas casually offers Dillon a business deal: He'll finance some movies in exchange for half a percent of ELQ. Ava gets frantic trying to talk to Michael about letting her see Avery. She deals with her frustration by yelling at a portrait of Edward, threatening to dismantle his family to keep in touch with her daughter. Morgan runs into her and they let their emotions get the better of them again. Kiki goes to Silas for Morgan-related advice, and somehow he manages to refrain from telling her to run far, far away. Morgan offers to talk to Michael about letting Sonny see Avery, but Sonny thinks the ship has sailed on that, and they shouldn't rock the boat. And now I'm out of nautical metaphors.

I have to say, I never thought a storyline about a corporate takeover could be this interesting. And Nikolas asking for only half a percent is brilliant, because it looks so innocent.

Why does Dillon keep saying "holiday" instead of "vacation"? He's not British.

Jason told Michael to count to 10! Next he needs to say it to Carly!

Who goes to have sex in his brother's office??

June 19th, 2015

With Sam still unable to recognize Nikolas' voice (just...whatever), Team ELQ focuses on pressuring Rosalie to come clean about her boss. Michael calls Nikolas, and he and Jason convince Rosalie that they're going to have her arrested for corporate espionage. Without even realizing that he's saving his family's company, Dillon turns down Nikolas' offer, not wanting to disseminate ELQ stock even further. He doesn't think Nikolas would shoot for a takeover anyway, but when Lulu remembers seeing Rosalie at Wyndemere, she realizes it's possible. Dillon quickly warns Tracy, and Sam goes to confront Nikolas. Luke and Laura visit the Triple L Diner and reminisce a little about their life in Canada while waiting to hear from the kidnappers. Luke promises that he doesn't have bad feelings about their time there. Then the kidnapper shows up and confuses/surprises Luke. Rosalie catches Morgan and Ava as they're finally practicing self-control. Before they can secure her secrecy, Kiki arrives, totally clueless. Valerie thinks Lulu might have a problem with her and Dante's closeness, despite Dante's protests to the contrary. She goes to talk to Lulu but finds her hugging Dillon and talking about how they're keeping secrets. Nathan thinks Maxie went after Valerie on Lulu's behalf because she still feels she needs to make amends for the whole Lil' Georgie situation.

So...what was Jason and Sam's plan? They made a big deal out of it, but it seems pretty simple.

Not that I wanted Nikolas to succeed, but it would have been funny if Dillon had brought him to the house and given him the stock certificate while the others were still downstairs, wondering who Rosalie was working for.

Thank you, Lulu, for remembering that you saw Rosalie at Wyndemere. I was waiting for that to happen.

What, exactly, about "Denise" makes Kiki think she's compatible with Silas?

Scorecard:
Kidnapped: Lucky Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Sam's face when Tracy said she probably has a lot of enemies; Tracy saying she wanted to melt down her ring and turn it into a bullet, but that would cost money; Tracy: "That leaves threatening her. I volunteer"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Nikolas complimenting Lulu for remembering that he and Tracy were partners in the relish business, like, it was only three years ago
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moments: Dillon was willing to sacrifice Lucky; Laura still has a key to the diner; Michael was willing to believe that Sam was working against him before he would believe he couldn't trust Rosalie
Best instances of continuity: Rosalie was with Michael when he was almost killed; Jason telling Michael to count to 10
Worst instance of continuity: Didn't the Spencers' diner blow up?
Hero of the week: Dillon, though...
Most annoying character: Dillon
Smartest characters: Nikolas, Lulu
Dumbest character: that moron reporter who called a mobster's kid/anyone related to Olivia a racist
Unanswered question of the week: Who kidnapped Lucky?

The week in a nutshell:

• Sam used the bug she put in Rosalie's phone to listen in when she called Nikolas, but Sam was unable to recognize her cousin's voice. Jason found the bug, suspected Sam of spying on ELQ, and trailed her to the Quartermaines'. When Michael accused Tracy of hiring Sam to spy, the two women and Sabrina admitted their suspicions about Rosalie. Michael was finally forced to realize that he can't trust Rosalie. He and Jason cornered her and threatened her with legal action for corporate espionage to get her to spill her secrets.
• Nikolas found a way to enter into a business deal with Dillon that could earn him half a percent of ELQ stock (all he needs now that Sloane has blackmailed Brook into handing over her shares). Elizabeth tried to warn him that Michael and Jason were closing in. What he didn't count on was Lulu remembering that she'd seen Rosalie with him at Wyndemere, and figuring out that they've been working together.
• Lucky's been kidnapped, and his abductor wants Luke and Laura to pretend to be back together, for some reason. Lulu and Dillon reluctantly agreed to keep the news from Dante and Tracy. Luke and Laura went to their old diner in British Columbia to await further instructions from the kidnapper.
• Ava tried to use Silas as a distraction from Morgan, but Silas didn't want to go down that road again. Later, Morgan and Ava couldn't keep their hands off of each other again. Rosalie saw them together and gleefully stored the information for future use.
• Sonny got Max to apply pressure to the racist security guard, resulting in the charges against T.J. being dropped. Jordan was smart enough to figure out what happened.
• A reporter called Dante racist for arresting T.J., and Valerie stood up to him. Maxie felt uneasy about her and Dante's closeness.
• Lulu and Dillon agreed that the decisions they made as teenagers were for the best, and they're happy with the way things turned out. Valerie saw them hugging and talking about keeping secrets, and got the wrong idea.

June 22nd, 2015

Nikolas admits to Sam that he's been working to take over ELQ. His excuse is that Helena and Victor siphoned Cassadine money, and he doesn't want to have to downsize and make Spencer, like, walk to school or something. Sam has no sympathy, especially when he tries to convince her that his actions are partly for her as a Cassadine. Meanwhile, Jason, Michael, and Dante work Rosalie, bluffing that Nina recorded their conversation, so they can prove that she bought Ned's shares. Rosalie falls for it and gives Nikolas up. She's suddenly remorseful, since Michael was always so nice to her, but that's not going to erase the fact that she betrayed him. Also meanwhile, Tracy and Sabrina determine that Nikolas has 50% ownership of ELQ because someone got Brook to sell her shares. Dillon tells them that Nikolas came after half a percent from him, too. Luke and Laura start putting the pieces together when they meet Lucky's kidnapper, Jennifer Smith. She's still upset that Luke didn't marry her decades ago, and she wants a night with him before she'll give Lucky back. Lulu and Valerie discuss the elephant in the room, and Valerie promises that she's not after Dante. Lulu's more worried that Valerie overheard her and Dillon talking.

Someone needs to get on the phone to Maya and Lucy, like, now. Maya probably wouldn't sell, but Lucy's unpredictable.

Might as well hold your anger, Sam. You're going to be even angrier at Nikolas later. Also, don't forget to ask him to explain how keeping Jason from you is beneficial for you as a Cassadine.

Alexis would be really proud of Sam's interrogation skills.

It's big of Tracy not to ask Brook what Sloane used to blackmail her.

I'd completely forgotten that Jennifer Smith existed, so that was a nice development. But if she wants to hook up with Luke, why does she care whether or not he's married?

June 23rd, 2015

Michael and Tracy yell at Nikolas for a while, threatening to have him charged with felonies for the way he obtained his 50%. Michael also brings up a clause in Edward's will that states that if any non-Quartermaine gets more than a third of the company, the board can vote to strip him of his shares. He calls an emergency vote, which lands at 50/50 for/against taking Nikolas' shares. Lucy's the deciding vote, and she sides with Nikolas. Laura calls Jennifer a rapist, which Jennifer finds really ironic. Luke agrees to sleep with her while Laura tries to think of more synonyms for "disgusting." Sam and Jason congratulate themselves for getting Nikolas and Rosalie to come clean, even though they haven't really accomplished anything, and there isn't actually anything worth celebrating. Patrick and Elizabeth run into them, and the four decide to have that double date Sam and Jason talked about earlier. Somehow, no one notices Elizabeth's constant guilty looks. Valerie tells Dante that Lulu and Dillon are keeping something from him. Dante plans to confront his wife but ultimately says nothing. Lulu also continues to keep her mouth shut, including around Maxie.

So do Nikolas and Michael have to share control of the company? I don't get it. Also, now that Nikolas has what he wants, is he going to stop keeping quiet about Jason for Elizabeth's sake?

Is Leslie Charleson just not on this show anymore?

Hey, Laura, Jennifer's already kidnapped someone. I don't think she has any problem with committing another crime.

Also, it's interesting that the writers will a) acknowledge that Jennifer's scheme is a form of rape and will b) bring up the fact that Laura married her rapist, but they won't admit that what Elizabeth is doing to Jason is also a form of rape. (No, seriously. Someone tweeted one of the showrunners and he said she was crazy for thinking that way.)

Jason's chair-dancing and talking about Taylor Swift. I can't take it.

June 24th, 2015

Michael and Tracy interrogate Lucy about her support for Nikolas, wondering if she was blackmailed to vote for him. She claims it's because she didn't like how Michael treated Duke after he kept quiet about Sonny killing A.J., and because she's mad that Michael took Avery from Sonny. Nikolas calls another vote, this time wanting to replace Michael as CEO. Lucy again votes for Nikolas, and the Quartermaine empire is no more. Dante hears Lulu on the phone with Laura, talking again about secrets. He follows her to the Quartermaines' because that's totally normal behavior. Lulu decides she wants to go help Luke and Laura find Lucky, and Dillon offers to go with her. Lulu tells Dante that she's going to Italy to help an injured Lesley. Luke and Jennifer spent the night together, but nothing actually happened – they both got drunk and passed out. Luke thinks Jennifer didn't really want to go through with it anyway. He and Laura give her an impromptu therapy session, talking about closure and getting the heck over a guy she was with briefly 35 years ago. Jennifer admits that she doesn't actually have Lucky and doesn't know who does. Sonny pays T.J.'s legal fees, then offers to pay his tuition, since T.J. doesn't want Duke's guilt money. Also, since T.J. has no place to stay, Sonny invites him to move in. Jordan is exactly as happy about that as you'd think. This comes after she admits to Valerie that she's a little relieved that Sonny took care of T.J.'s legal issues. On the other hand, she's worried that T.J. will start believing that the mob can handle all his problems. Nikolas tells Dillon that he still wants to finance one of his movies, but Dillon won't take his money.

We're supposed to believe that Lucy voted for Nikolas because of Avery? And that four people – only three of whom have voting rights – can just make a decision about a CEO without consulting the rest of the board?

Have fun running from the angry townspeople with pitchforks, Nikolas. You, too, Elizabeth.

I kind of want it to turn out that Lucky's fine, and this whole thing is a wild goose chase.

Didn't Shawn live above Kelly's? Why can't T.J. live there? Really, I just think it would be fun if T.J., Nathan, and Jason were neighbors.

June 25th, 2015

Nikolas yells at Rosalie for betraying him, then threatens to expose her secret unless she recants her statement. Michael tells Sabrina about the ELQ vote and how Avery played a part in Lucy's decision. He finally admits that he took her from Sonny to punish him more than to keep her safe. However, Sonny isn't really facing as much punishment as Michael had hoped. Sabrina suggests that Michael give Avery back so he can make amends with his family. Nina overhears Franco complaining to Kiki about her relationship with Ric. Franco informs her that Madeline's out of prison, most likely because of Ric. Nina continues to claim that her husband is a wonderful person. Franco tries to make her jealous by saying he's seeing someone, but the only person in the vicinity who fits the bill is Ava. Morgan tells Sonny about his encounter with "Denise" at ELQ, and Rosalie's interruption. Sonny tells him again to stay away from Ava, warning that he can't trust Rosalie to keep her mouth shut. The next step in Ric and Madeline's plan is for Ric to get Nina's power of attorney. The two agree to get Nina recommitted to Shadybrook. Madeline wants assurance that she'll get some of the money, and somehow that assurance will come physically. Ava complains to Silas about not being able to see Avery, like, boo hoo, maybe you shouldn't have killed someone. Carly meets "Denise" and is at least a little suspicious.

Consider yourself lucky, Rosalie. Ask Hayden what Nikolas could do to you for not doing what he wants. Oh, wait, you can't – SHE'S IN A COMA.

While I definitely appreciate what Sabrina's doing, I don't think Michael has to give Avery back to Sonny. He could start with visits, since Sonny hasn't seen her in months.

It's probably bad that I actually want Franco and Ava to team up. And yet...

I was going to say that Ric might be joining the Slept With Mother and Daughter Club but a) I don't think he and Nina have done anything and b) he's already in there, thanks to Sam and Alexis.

"Get a hobby. I suggest needlepoint." Do you really want Ava to be around sharp objects, Silas?

June 26th, 2015

Sabrina continues to help Michael sort out his feelings for Sonny, and decide whether returning Avery to him would go against his desire for revenge. Ultimately, the two take Avery to Sonny's house. Valerie babysits Dante while he mopes about how Lulu's probably having an affair with Dillon. He knows they're in Vancouver because he's a full-on stalker now, and he comes close to following them to confront them. Valerie talks him down, cooks him dinner, and generally acts a little too friendly until Dante kisses her. Lulu and Dillon catch up with Luke and Laura, who promptly kick them out. Then they get a visit from Holly. Ava follows Franco's lead, pretending to be involved with him so Morgan will keep his distance. Nina almost catches Ric with Madeline, then asks her husband if he knows anything about her mother's release from prison. Sonny moves T.J. into Michael's old room, and T.J.'s smart enough to realize that he might be a replacement son.

Excellent work, Sabrina, but one correction: If A.J. were alive, he would be thrilled that Michael took Avery from Sonny.

Oh, hooray, they've ruined Dante.

Frigging Holly. Let's make this quick.

I still don't get what Madeline and Ric sleeping together accomplishes. She knows she can't trust him no matter what, right? And vice versa?

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Tracy: "It's Tracy." Brook: (apparently) "Who?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ric acting like marriage vows mean anything to him, as if he's never cheated on a wife
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Taking care of Avery makes Sabrina feel closer to Gabriel
Least believable moment: An impromptu vote with only three board members present is legally binding
Best instance of continuity: Dillon saved Nikolas during the encephalitis outbreak (well, really, a serum made with Dillon's antibodies saved him)
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Sabrina
Most annoying character: Holly. I don't even care that she hasn't done anything yet
Smartest character: Jason, for his bluff with Rosalie
Dumbest character: The hotel employee who ragged on her employer's son to his mobster father
Inside jokes: Demi Moore "looks like Jackie Templeton"; Franco to Kiki: "You look different"

The week in a nutshell:

• Rosalie came clean about working for Nikolas just as he revealed that he had 50% ownership of ELQ. In a vote to determine whether or not he should be stripped of his shares, Lucy cast the deciding nay vote. In a vote for Nikolas to replace Michael as CEO, Lucy again cast the deciding vote, putting ELQ in the hands of a Cassadine.
• Luke and Laura encountered Jennifer Smith, who claimed she would give Lucky back if Luke slept with her. Both of them got too drunk to do anything, but it didn't matter anyway since she doesn't really have Lucky. Their next blast from the past came in the form of Holly.
• Lulu and Dillon followed her parents to Canada, leaving Dante very worried about the state of his marriage. Valerie tried to comfort him and was repaid with a kiss.
• Sabrina encouraged Michael to make up with his family, using Avery as a peace offering.
• Sam, Jason, Elizabeth, and Patrick had their double date, which was less awkward than expected, though Elizabeth still hated every minute of it.
• Franco told Nina that he and "Denise" are an item, and Ava happily played along.
• Ric and Madeline schemed to have Nina sent back to Shadybrook, then hooked up.
• Sonny paid T.J.'s legal bills, offered to pay his tuition, and invited him to move in. Jordan was not pleased about any of it.

June 29th, 2015

Michael tells Sonny that while he's not sure the two of them will ever be back to where they used to be, he wants Avery to have her father in her life, so he's giving her back. Michael and Sabrina are sad to see her go, but at least it means they can have uninterrupted sex. Holly reports that Ethan is also missing, having disappeared under the same circumstances as Lucky. The kidnapper contacts Laura again but tells her, Luke, and Holly to wait for further instructions. Valerie stops Dante before they can do anything stupid, reminding him that he doesn't know for sure what Lulu and Dillon are up to. Dante apologizes a lot, and they agree to keep quiet about their kiss. Morgan hates the idea of Ava and Franco together, but she tells him they can't be together. Franco uses Ava to make Nina jealous, Nina uses Ric to make Franco jealous, and Ric uses Nina's distraction to get her to sign over her power of attorney. Lulu and Dillon are boring.

This kidnapper sure is playing a long game. Can we step things up, please?

Valerie won some major points with me today. She's responsible for Dante's mood, since she told him Lulu was keeping secrets, but she didn't take advantage of it. If she keeps this up, I might start actually liking her.

Ava: "I want to see Avery." Me: *cackling*.

Considering her feelings for Franco, Nina probably should go back to Shadybrook. No one who's that invested in him could be sane. (Sorry, Carly.)

June 30th, 2015

While Luke tells Lulu about recent developments, Laura and Holly discuss the fact that they could easily hate each other because they both have a history with Luke. Instead, they've both let go of the past and don't hold anything against each other. Before things can get too un-soap-like, the kidnapper sends a picture of Lucky and Ethan, who, I'd like to point out, seem to be sending some kind of signal (Lucky's holding up one finger and Ethan has his fingers crossed). Nikolas offers to keep Jason on at ELQ, since the fact that he almost got the better of Nikolas means he's good at his job. Jason's furious with Nikolas and not only rejects his offer but vows to take back ELQ for the Quartermaines. Ava goes to the Quartermaines' to see Avery, fighting with Tracy for half an hour before Michael and Sabrina arrive to tell her that Avery's back with Sonny. Amazingly, Ava actually makes the trek over to Sonny's. Dante confides in Sonny that he thinks Lulu’s cheating with Dillon. Sonny's like, "Maybe don't do anything dumb until you know for sure? Just a little bit of common sense?" Dante's like, "Whatever, I'm going to Canada."

Drink every time someone says "loyal."

"The only common denominator in these kidnappings is Luke." Wow, Holly! You're really good at this!

It's no secret that I don't like Holly, but I liked her scenes with Laura today. They really have no reason to hate each other – as Holly said, she didn't know Luke was married when they hooked up.

We're talking about Bill again? Is he alive after all?

"Sonny is a killer." SO ARE YOU. SHUT UP, AVA.

Okay, seriously, why doesn't anyone use the Quartermaines' front door anymore?

Now I want to know who would win in a fight between Ava and Tracy.

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