General Hospital blog - June, 2016

June 1st, 2016

Jordan questions Sam and Jason about the events at Wyndemere, wondering what happened in the seven minutes between their separate arrivals. Diane puts up a good fight but knows the PCPD will most likely pin the (alleged) crime on Jason. Jason figures it's a good idea not to be around when the police come after him with an arrest warrant. Elizabeth, however, thinks Hayden's responsible and is trying to frame Jason. She's so sure that she even goes to Jordan to point the finger at her rival. Carly's upset to learn that Sonny's allowing Ava to have visitation with Avery, even though she still has to jump through hoops (like being nice to Carly) to see her. Sonny explains that they made a mistake cutting Michael off completely from A.J., so they should handle things differently this time around. Dillon and Kiki will continue to be cute on a date. Ava's happy to see her daughter happy, especially since it's not with Morgan. Laura, Hayden, and Elizabeth try to assure Spencer that Nikolas could be totally fine. They're a little too successful, as Spencer's a lot calmer than he should be about the situation. Dante and Lulu are ready to make use of that remaining embryo.

Another bad birthday for Danny, huh?

Why does Jordan think Sam is lying? All she said was that she heard a crash. Or does Jordan think she was there and saw Jason kill Nikolas? They shouldn't have gotten divorced, by the way. If they were still married, Sam couldn't be forced to testify against Jason. They should have gotten remarried in Brad and Lucas' place.

Hayden makes a good point – in Elizabeth's version of things, Hayden's the villain and exposing her saves Jason, so it's a win-win for her.

Why are people talking about A.J.? Stop that.


June 2nd, 2016

Sam and Jason hole up in a safehouse to solve the Nikolas case themselves. Between the lack of sounds of fighting in the room and the fact that a suspicious amount of things were knocked over, they start to think the fight was staged. Elizabeth tells Jordan about Hayden's diamonds, which she thinks are enough of a motive for murder. Jordan dashes her hopes by telling her that Hayden has an alibi and can't be a suspect. But she's very interested in recovering the diamonds – interested enough to contact the FBI. Obrecht WILL NOT SHUT UP about Finn, telling Carly that he could be to blame for Lucas' condition. Carly half thinks she's ridiculous and half believes the rumor from Finn's former hospital that he has a drug problem. Finn goes to Wyndemere to return Hayden's check, confiding that the foundation her father screwed over was supposed to benefit his now-dead wife. He collapses and has to ask Hayden to help him with an injection. While Maxie decides to call off the Claudette investigation, Nathan tries to appeal to Griffin's priest side to help him ease his conscience. He confesses that he's keeping a secret from Maxie that may or may not have to do with a dream he had about a shooting.

Focusing on the overturned furniture at a supposed crime scene is a nod to Gone Girl, I assume?

Sam and Jason are pretty naïve not to think they could be on the run indefinitely.

Would Finn and Hayden make a good couple? Discuss.

Is it just me or was Maxie acting really weird today?


June 3rd, 2016

The Feds search Wyndemere for any Berlin assets, finding a list of diamonds that Hayden claims must be Nikolas'. She and Elizabeth fight again, some more, and the latter tries to stop the former from clearing out her bank account and fleeing town. Just as things get physical, Hayden's mother arrives. Mr. and Mrs. P.I. consider all the possibilities, including that Nikolas was kidnapped, that Hayden hired assassins to kill him, or that Nikolas committed suicide. After pointing out that Nikolas wasn't far enough in the water for the current to pull him into the harbor, Jason decides that he's alive and set the whole thing up. If they want to prove this, they'll need to move fast, as some sort of evidence from Wyndemere leads Jordan to ask for a warrant for Jason's arrest. Laura calls on Kevin to give Spencer some psychiatric support, but he ends up being more helpful to her. Brad sits vigil at Lucas' side while Obrecht, Monica, and Mayes fight over Finn and whether the police should investigate him. Finn himself wants to try a medication that could bring Lucas out of his coma, but no one wants to risk the possible negative effects. Fortunately, it ends up being a moot point, as Brad is able to get Lucas to respond to him, and Carly's insistent enough to bring her brother back to consciousness. Carly also confronts Finn about his possible drug addiction, and though he admits he didn't tell her the truth when she first found him in distress, he doesn't enlighten her as to what's really going on.

For a real example of the difference between my feelings for Elizabeth and my feelings for Jordan: When Jordan smirked over Hayden getting in trouble with the Feds, I laughed. When Elizabeth did the same, I rolled my eyes.

Hayden to Elizabeth: "Do you ever get sick of your own hypocrisy?" Me: "Not in the past 18 years, no."

I'm on the same page as Jason – and I think Spencer's so calm because he knows it was a set-up. I think Nikolas got in touch with him to let Spencer know he's okay.

Nice work by Parry Shen today. He never gets to do really serious stuff like this.

Why do I feel like they only brought Mayes back because they needed another expendable character to kill? No, wait, maybe he's the killer!

I'm not even the tiniest bit surprised that Carly yelled a coma patient awake. I'm only surprised this was the first time.

Scorecard:
New in town: Naomi Dreyfus

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Hayden to Elizabeth: "As a medical professional, you do realize 'conman' isn't hereditary, right?"; Finn and Hayden's banter
Funniest moment (unintentional): Hayden to Elizabeth: "I didn't kill Nikolas but I'm going to kill you!"
Saddest moment: Brad again. YOU'RE KILLING ME, BRAD
Sweetest/cutest moment: Avery with pigtails
Least believable moment: Sam and Jason haven't considered the possibility that they'll be fugitives for longer than a couple of weeks
Best instances of continuity: The circumstances that led to Tracy taking Dillon out of the country as a kid; Obrecht once (accidentally) poisoned Duke
Worst instance of continuity: Finn remembered his never-been-on-the-show wife's birthday but Danny's parents forgot his
Hero of the week: Carly, maybe?
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest characters: Sam and Jason, but also...
Dumbest characters: Sam and Jason

The week in a nutshell:


June 6th, 2016

There's no love lost between Hayden and Naomi, as Naomi turned in her husband for fraud and is the reason he's spending the rest of his life in prison. Naomi's in town to offer comfort to her daughter while she deals with her husband's possible death...and if Hayden would be so kind as to return her diamonds, that would be great, too. Naomi also has a weird reaction when she learns Elizabeth's last name. Nathan finally reveals the whole Claudette saga: He caught her in bed with her lover, shot him, and passed out because he was drunk. Maxie's appalled that he lied to her and worries that the lover will track him down and have him arrested. Lucas remembers being attacked, but his attacker was wearing a surgical mask, so he doesn't know who it was. Obrecht continues to not shut up about Finn, accusing him of having a drug problem in front of Monica. Monica urges Finn to get a drug test to prove her wrong. Sam and Jason come up with a reasonable narrative for how Nikolas pulled off faking his death. They figure he did it to get away from Hayden, and probably wanted to frame her in the process. Monica warns them that there's a warrant out for Jason's arrest (Jordan really shouldn't have told her that), but Jason would rather drink and have a domino rematch than worry about that. Franco offers to help Elizabeth find dirt on Hayden, but she's too mopey over Nikolas to think about anything else.

Let's just skip to the end, where we learn that Naomi had a baby adopted by the Webbers, or she adopted a baby from them.

Whatever, Maxie – you helped a fugitive flee town. Also, when someone's trying to tell you something important, SHUT UP AND LET HIM TALK.

Really, Jordan, why would you tell a guy's mother about his arrest warrant? How did you know she wouldn't warn him?

It would never happen, but it would be fun if Sam and Jason took their idea to Jordan and they all worked together to bust Nikolas.


June 7th, 2016

Julian's totally going to stay mobbed up, and he thinks things are going really well with his wife. Alexis assures Diane that she still plans to turn in Julian, but she wants to give him a heads-up first. Diane points out that he'll probably manipulate her into changing her mind, which will threaten her career and her freedom. Alexis goes home to retrieve the bloody shirt, but Julian has already snagged it. Maxie's super-upset that Nathan lied to her for their whole relationship, and she doesn't think she can get past it. Kiki wants to go out with Dillon, but she's not sure she can completely break away from Morgan. Dillon gets her to see that their past is crazy and not something she should want to revisit. Sonny visits Morgan and grows suspicious over his real reasons for pushing Kiki away. When he learns that Ava paid him a visit, he puts things together. Kristina wants to help Aaron take over a restaurant and serve Corinthos coffee. Aaron wants to go to class instead of up to her bedroom, which is a little fishy. Though Kristina seems really happy with her new guy, she ends up calling Parker.

Noooooo! Julian is the worst!

FINE. Break up Maxie and Nathan, put her with Griffin, and put him with Claudette. I don't even care anymore.

Dillon is SO much more likable now. Thank God they scrapped the whole thing with Lulu.

I'm sorry, I don't trust a guy who will skip having sex to go to class.


June 8th, 2016

Alexis pretends she was looking for the shirt to make sure it's still in a safe, nonincriminating place. Julian suggests that they burn it together, but at the last second, she grabs it back. He claims he's known all along that she would turn on him. He gets a little too physical while trying to convince her that it's not worth throwing everything they have away over Carlos, which probably isn't going to change her mind. Sonny and Ava blame each other for Morgan's problems, and really, they're both right. He warns her not to mess with Morgan again, then urges Morgan to do what he thinks is best for himself and Kiki, not what anyone else wants him to do. Sonny's also really proud of the work Morgan's put into taking care of himself. Andre is as well, and thinks he's just about ready to leave inpatient treatment, though Morgan takes some convincing. Dillon gently reminds Tracy that Teddy isn't her son, and she won't be taking care of him forever. He adds that Tracy was a great mom to him, and he's happy with the way his childhood went. Since Sabrina can't provide Paul and Anna with anything tying Julian to Duke's murder, Anna convinces Paul to drop the charges against her. Sabrina's day gets even better when Tracy invites her to stay at the mansion and promises to talk to Social Services about getting her custody of Teddy restored. Kiki's okay with spending more time with Ava, but she doesn't want to talk about her new love interest, which, considering Ava's history with Kiki's boyfriends, is a good move. Anna and Paul agree to clean the slate between them, which I think means he'll forget that she handcuffed him to her banister and she'll pretend she doesn't know about the crimes he's committed. She also wants to work with his office again to build a case against Julian.

"Only children play by the rules"? What planet is Julian from?

I want a spin-off that's just Andre and Diane giving people good advice.

So how much to Carly and Olivia pay Kiki to not actually do any work?

Okay, guys, enough with the park.


June 9th, 2016

Sam comes out of hiding to attend a kind of wake for Nikolas, which Laura thinks will help Spencer realize he can express his emotions. Instead, Spencer gets bored and insists over and over that Nikolas is never coming back. While everyone's downstairs, Jason checks out the crime scene, hoping to destroy the surveillance footage that shows him in the house. He spies on Spencer and Emma when Spencer gives her a rock, swearing her to secrecy about it, and talks like they'll never see each other again. Sam pretends she doesn't know where Jason is, but Dante's detective skills happen to be active today, so he puts a tail on her in hopes that she'll lead him to Jason. Spinelli comes for a surprise visit and is immediately sucked into the middle of Maxie and Nathan's problems. Nathan's in the process of moving out, though Spinelli thinks the two of them will work things out. While Maxie tries to confide in Spinelli without telling him exactly what happened, Nathan complains to Griffin that his encouragement to be honest with Maxie may have cost Nathan his fiancée. Maxie realizes that she can talk things over with Griffin, since he'll have to practice confidentiality, but that's the last thing he wants. Alexis gives Julian a choice: He can destroy his shirt and protect himself, losing her in the process, or he can do the right thing and keep her. Julian chooses option A and burns the shirt. However, Alexis realizes that the dagger is still in the house. Lucas wonders if Griffin didn't mention being a priest because Lucas is gay. Griffin assures him that he's not close-minded and wants Lucas and Brad to be happy. That means he'd probably be happy to know that Julian has invited Lucas and Brad to the house to get married (though he didn't bother to tell Alexis).

I still think Spencer knows that Nikolas faked his death, and he believes at some point he'll be going off to join his father wherever he is. I don't know what the rock is about, though. Unless it's a fake rock and the diamonds are inside...

SPINELLI! Yay! He's in town to help Sam and Jason, yes?

Julian kept the murder weapon? Now he's the worst in a different way.

Why WOULD you keep quiet about being a priest? Unless it's because Griffin doesn't want people confessing to him, which totally makes sense.


June 10th, 2016

Scorecard:
Back in town: Damien Spinelli

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Spinelli: "'Lies and deception' is redundant." Maxie's face: "I will cut you"; Sam: "Jason has his memory back, but I never lost mine." Dante: "Okay, good. Good talk"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: I felt bad for Morgan, with all of his fears about going back to the real world
Sweetest/cutest moment: Tracy being an actual good person to Sabrina
Least believable moment: Lucas has already made a complete recovery
Best instance of continuity: Emma knows what it's like to "lose" a parent
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: I guess Anna
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest characters: Sam and Jason (again)
Dumbest character: Ava. Use a fake name next time, sweetie
Previously unanswered question now answered: The rest of Nathan's secret about Claudette was that he shot her lover

The week in a nutshell:


June 13th, 2016

Sam regroups with Jason, warning him that Dante tried to follow her, so they need to move quickly to figure out where Nikolas is. Jason has brought Nikolas' computer with him, as well as the name of a forger they figure Nikolas got a new ID and passport from. Spinelli joins them, getting to hear in person that Jason's memories are coming back. The Jackal easily recovers Nikolas' deleted files and determines that he's headed to one of three places. Julian advises Ava to leave the country and lie low until the Carlos stuff blows over, so she arranges a work trip. She's surprised to learn that her seatmate on her flight is a not-so-dead Nikolas. Even with Alexis in a bad mood, Carly glaring at Julian the whole time, and Nathan arriving with a warrant to search for evidence, Brad and Lucas finally get their nice little wedding and are successfully married. Also successful: Nathan and an unnamed cop, who find Helena's dagger. Spinelli tells Nathan to shape up and be the person Maxie deserves. Meanwhile, Maxie tells Griffin about the Nathan/Claudette/lover-Čthe-audience-has-already-figured-out-is-Griffin-so-let's-get-on-with-it debacle, and he pretty much says that Nathan made a mistake but isn't a bad guy, so she needs to get over it. The Feds find Hayden's fingerprints on the inventory of the diamonds, so Naomi covers for her by saying she and Hayden compiled the inventory together years ago.

I was annoyed that we had to wait an extra day (and, because of the timing, a weekend) to see this episode, but: worth it. Though that last scene would have made a great Friday cliffhanger.

Jason feels like he owes Nikolas for saving his life, but how does busting him for faking his death repay him? Also, screw possibly making Spencer feel like he's betrayed his father. Go interrogate the kid. He'll crack like a (Fabergé) egg.

What, Nathan, you've never seen a giant Russian Revolution-era letter opener before?

So Brad's family wasn't invited to the wedding? Sam? Felix?

Really, who hasn't gotten married while a cop is upstairs looking for evidence in a murder case?

Dear Hayden: You are basically a trainwreck, but please tell me where you got your dress. And then please loan me some money to pay for it because I doubt I can afford it.


June 14th, 2016

As they fly to London, Ava gives Nikolas some advice on how to keep up the charade of being dead. Another passenger, Hux, recognizes Nikolas but thinks he's Tom Hardy (the actor, not Steve and Audrey's son). Later, he hears the two talking while they think he's asleep and figures out who Nikolas really is. Nikolas doesn't realize that Hux could reveal his secret, but he knows Ava could, especially when she tells him she may call on him for a favor in the future. Alexis explains why there's a dagger in the house but doesn't comment on whether or not it has any place in Nathan's investigation. After the police leave, Alexis announces that she's divorcing Julian. He reaches new lows in trying to emotionally manipulate her and sounds more and more like an abusive spouse with every sentence. Anna wants in on Carlos' murder investigation, but Jordan turns her away, thinking she can't remain objective because of Julian. Anna drags Andre into things, asking him to vouch for her mental stability. Instead, Andre sides with Jordan, later admitting to his girlfriend that he actually does think Anna should be involved. Jordan continues her journey away from sanity by bringing up Andre's supposed romantic feelings for Anna so we can listen to that conversation for the eighth time. Emma thinks Anna's lonely, so she creates a dating profile for her (with the inspired name "Zero Dark Flirty"). Felicia advises her to hold off on making it live without Anna's okay, but Emma posts it anyway. Sam and Jason visit Nikolas' forger to get new IDs and do some snooping, though they don't find anything useful.

You know it's a weird episode when I think Jordan is annoying and Ava is delightful.

Nyle Carradine? You didn't even TRY, Nikolas.

If this new guy sticks around until the end of July, we'll have a Hux and a Jax.

"I was so careful." Yeah, Julian, you were really careful getting rid of the murder weapon.


June 15th, 2016

Sonny's made some progress in the kidney investigation, learning that T. Adams is Theresa Adams, and she quit her job and disappeared just after Josslyn's transplant. He warns Carly that digging deeper might uncover ugly things, but she still wants answers. Carly asks Elizabeth if she wants to be told about anything Carly uncovers in her kidney investigation. She also takes advantage of the conversation to warn Elizabeth against getting involved with Franco. Andre admits to Anna that he has romantic feelings for her, but he also cares about Jordan. Since he can see a future with Jordan and doesn't think his feelings for Anna will go away, he and Anna will need to end their friendship. Anna reluctantly accepts the "breakup," then starts looking through messages from her online suitors. Andre ups his game with Jordan by declaring that he loves her. The GH staff is questioned about missing drugs at the hospital, though really the questioners want dirt on Finn. Monica bugs him again about taking a drug test, but he continues to refuse. Obrecht searches his locker and finds his little drug kit, so he's probably in some trouble. Curtis throws a party for the new police academy grads, inviting Dante and Lulu so they can try once again to smooth things over with Valerie. He also gives Valerie a 50-cent piece that once saved him when he was shot. Dante and Lulu make an offer on a house but are outbid. Sonny secretly offers more money and gets their bid accepted.

If I were Carly, I'd want answers not just because of Josslyn but also because I might have the opportunity to take down a criminal enterprise.

Three mentions of Jax in one episode. Writers, you're gonna want to pace yourselves. It's a long time until the end of July.

When Jordan was giving her speech, she should have pointed out Sonny and offered a bonus to anyone who can bust him.

I guess Nathan wasn't invited to the graduation party. Is he the only PCPD detective who does any work?

Hey, Lulu and Valerie, if you think the next generation of Spencers should act like a family, you should have gone to Lucas' wedding.

I guess we should be grateful that Sonny didn't get Dante and Lulu a house by threatening anyone's life.


June 16th, 2016

Ava bugs Nikolas about why he faked his death, but he won't tell her anything. She tells him she's on his side, which I guess means she doesn't have a good reason yet to rat him out. Hux bugs them a bunch about coming to his house, no matter how many times "Tom Hardy" turns him down. T.J. still exists, just got an internship at GH, and wants to move in with Molly. Curtis wants to be a cop again and asks Jordan to help him out. She's reluctant, since he made such bad decisions when he was using. He admits that he feels horrible about how one of those decisions led to tragedy – he's the one who told Tommy about Jordan and Shawn's affair, leading to Tommy and Shawn's confrontation and Tommy's death. Jordan says she told Tommy that T.J. was his because she wanted him to have something to look forward to when he came home. Curtis promises never to reveal the truth to T.J., but guess who hears from outside the door? Sam and Jason decide to move up their departure from Port Charles (sorry, Jason, another round of fugitive sex will have to wait), so she breaks into the pawn shop to get their new IDs and check the computer for Nikolas' itinerary. Of course, she gets caught, and of course, the shop owner wants to hurt her, and of course, she gets the better of him. Then Jason arrives and saves her, as if she couldn't have saved herself. Whatever, they get what they need and find out that Nikolas is in London. Hayden is now the Carly to Curtis' Jason, trying to steal him away from Valerie to help her for a few minutes. Unlike Jason, Curtis refuses to back down, though he still gets ditched when Valerie wants to spend the evening with her classmates. Finn won't tell Monica what's in his syringe, so she suspends him. Tracy objects, but Monica's reasoning for suspecting Finn is pretty solid. He ends up chatting with Hayden, who loves bearded dragons, and has another medical episode or whatever. It takes her a while, but Jordan finally gets that Andre really wants to be with her.

Nikolas, you need to ask yourself WHY Ava's on your side.

T.J.'s been around so little that I expected his big news to be that he's going to study abroad, and they would just never bring him back. Instead, he's going to move a long-running plot forward! I assume we'll be getting another visit from Sean Blakemore?

T.J.'s worried about how Ric will react to Molly and T.J. living together, but not about Alexis?

Someday, men will learn not to mess with Samantha McCall Morgan.

How is it that Hayden correctly interpreted Pride and Prejudice but so badly missed the mark with The Great Gatsby?


June 17th, 2016

Paul overrides Jordan's decision to cut Anna out of the Carlos investigation, telling Anna he wants her there when Julian's arrested. For some reason, Anna tells Sonny about the possible murder weapon, so he goes straight to Alexis and Julian's house to get a front-row seat for Julian's arrest. To his surprise, the tests on the dagger point to a different murder suspect – Alexis. In London, Hux takes Nikolas and Ava to his house instead of Heathrow, then makes up a bunch of reasons they can't leave or make phone calls. Things seem close to getting dangerous, but Nikolas is probably safe, as Ava's the target of his anger. Nina lets Julian know that she told the police she spent some time with him the night of Carlos' murder, and though she didn't say anything incriminating, she knows exactly what happened. She'll keep it to herself if Julian appears in the magazine's real-men issue (alongside Nathan and cover model Curtis). Sam and Jason make it to the hotel Nikolas and Ava have just left, but there's nothing to hack, so they have to depend on the kindness of strangers (specifically one stranger, the concierge). They learn that Nikolas booked a flight to Amsterdam, so Sam calls the airline pretending to be Anna and claims she's looking for a criminal. After she's told that Nikolas didn't get on the plane, the concierge helps her discover that he left the hotel with Ava. Laura wants Spencer to see Kevin, but it would be a waste of time, as Jason was right when he suspected that Spencer knows Nikolas is alive. Kristina gives Alexis the same advice Alexis would give her if their situations were reversed: If you're in a bad relationship, get out. Kevin has discovered that the disco is owned by a real Lloyd and Lucy Johnson. Maxie and Nathan are totally fine now.

Anna, why are you telling Sonny stuff?

Temp Nikolas better not be here long, because he's dragging down all his scenes.

I'm starting to think the quip about Hux wanting to mount Nikolas and Ava's heads might not be so farfetched. It does seem like he wants to hunt them.

How long till Nina and Julian land in bed together?

Sam impersonating Anna was a great move, but would have been even better if she'd used a British accent.

Amsterdam? Was Nikolas going to see Luke?

Scorecard:
Arrested: Alexis Davis
Married: Brad Cooper and Lucas Jones

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Spinelli hugging Sam because Stone Cold wasn't in a hugging mood; everything with Nikolas and Ava, especially her taking a selfie with him; "Zero Dark Flirty"; Jason's face when Sam pretended to be Anna
Funniest moment (unintentional): Anna having to take a moment to remember how many children Sonny has
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sam, Jason, and Spinelli
Least believable moment: Nikolas and Ava wound up on the same flight, seated next to each other
Best instances of continuity: Nikolas saved Jason during the hotel fire; Ava knows it's a bad idea to adopt a fake accent when taking on a new personality; Jason's a bad liar
Worst instance of continuity: Does Hux need a cane or not?
Hero of the week: The helpful concierge
Most annoying characters: Jordan, Julian
Smartest characters: Sam and Jason, three weeks running
Dumbest character: Julian, who should be nicer to people who could send him to prison

The week in a nutshell:


June 20th, 2016

Jordan seems to really think that Alexis killed Carlos, since her fingerprints are on the murder weapon, she doesn't have an alibi, and supposedly she has a motive. Sonny points out that it would be pretty ridiculous for her to kill a guy, then come home and let Sonny in for a chat. Anna agrees that Alexis is innocent, and asks her if she thinks Julian will come through and confess to save her. Let's just say that Alexis and Anna aren't going to become friends anytime soon. Hayden's still tending to Finn, who asks her to get a notebook from his locker at the hospital. Elizabeth catches her in the locker room and thinks he was trying to break into a locker, though she doesn't know whose. Hayden lies that she came to the hospital to get a prescription for antidepressants, since her husband's disappearance has her sooooo distraught. She takes the notebook to Finn but won't let him have it until he tells her what's really going on with him. Apparently he can't take his meds without the notebook, and he's taking the meds because he's dying. Nina tries to recruit Franco for the real-men issue, but he's not into the idea of posing nude in a national publication. Nina then asks him for a hookup, which is probably more up his alley. I still think she and Julian are, like, two weeks from hitting the sheets together, though. Elizabeth discusses the hospital killer with Franco, who of course has some insight into the mind of a serial killer, making her uncomfortable. Griffin almost tells Nathan his secret, or so we're led to believe. Maxie and Nathan are so grateful for his advice that Maxie asks him to marry them. Griffin comes up with a few excuses to get out of it. Olivia thinks Julian and Alexis are having marital problems, possibly because he's back in the mob.

And Alexis' motive for killing Carlos was...?

Nina and Maxie are going to need to find some "real men" without six packs or no one's going to believe they're all real men.

Yes, Julian, you and Alexis "had a disagreement." You went back to being a bad guy and she disagreed with your choices.

'Bye, Olivia! See you again in another two months, I guess!


June 21st, 2016

Alexis accuses Julian of setting her up, which he denies. He refuses to confess and get her cleared, instead telling her to go to trial and rely on the justice system to free her. He still seems to think they can work things out, like, you just told your wife to go on trial for a murder you committed. You're lucky she hasn't choked you with her handcuffs. Anna offers to help Alexis stay out of court if she'll help Anna put Julian behind bars. Morgan's released from the treatment facility but confides in Sonny that he still doesn't feel ready to go back to his life. Sonny gives him encouragement and reminds him that he has his family to help him out. They surprise Carly and Michael with Morgan's release, and the family members say nice things to each other and are generally very sweet. Then Morgan goes to see Kiki, because of course. Hux tells Ava she should know why he's after her, but she's clueless. Nikolas thinks they're working together and the whole thing's a setup. Ava points out that she doesn't even know him, and since he doesn't have any money, there's no reason to try to get anything out of him. Hux finally reveals that Ava has a statue, The Weeping Naiad, which was stolen from his family decades ago. Nikolas tries to fight him, but Hux's seemingly decorative cane is actually a sword, so one point to the Huxter. Ava hands over the statue, but Hux deems it a forgery and breaks it. Finn confesses that he has some rare disease and has been medicating himself to delay the inevitable. Hayden figures out that his wife died of the same illness. She nominates herself as his new nurse, because suddenly Hayden cares about other people. Elizabeth figures out that Hayden lied about getting a prescription, then sees her leaving Finn's room. Kiki's supposed to go on a date with Dillon, but she has a cold. This is an actual plotline.

I don't get why Alexis doesn't tell Jordan that Julian killed Carlos. I know she doesn't have any evidence, but it's the police's job to get that. She needs to work out something with Diane, get herself immunity, and send her slimy husband to prison.

We have to sit through a plotline about a statue? Is there a way to opt out?

A contrived reason for Elizabeth to encounter Hayden with Finn? What a shock! The only surprise is that they didn't also have Morgan find Dillon with Kiki.

Someone should tell Finn to call Robin. She could save him. Lost causes are her specialty.


June 22nd, 2016

Ava tells Hux that the real statue is in her hotel room, which Sam and Jason have just broken into. The truth is that Ava thought the statue she had was legit, and she doesn't know where the real one is. While Ava and Nikolas try to free themselves, hinting that there will be a relationship between them at the end of this plot, Hux searches Ava's room. It's a waste of his time, of course, but it gives Sam and Jason the opportunity to overhear him on the phone and figure out where Nikolas and Ava are. Jake invites Franco over so we can sit through an episode of Elizabeth being nice to the former serial killer. He's torn about whether or not he should hook up with Nina again, and admits to being jealous of Jason, since Jason knows what he wants. Franco and Elizabeth end up kissing, which, honestly, squicks me out. Nina fantasizes about Franco, regretting their breakup and fretting that she'll never find love again. Maxie tries to cheer her up, but a sex toy might be even more helpful. Speaking of regretting breakups, Morgan admits to Kiki that he only pushed her away because Ava encouraged him to. He'd really like to get back together, but he understands if she's moved on to Dillon. Dillon returns before Kiki can give an answer, so Morgan ducks out. Kiki tries to proceed with the date, but Dillon sees that she might not be ready to move beyond friendship with him.

Are they seriously going to put Nikolas and Ava together? Well, he does have a history with older women, and she does have a history with younger men.

How did Sam make it as a con artist for so many years? She's horrible at coming up with spur-of-the-moment lies.

The staircase in Elizabeth's new house is most definitely from Mac and Felicia's old place. I can't do algebra anymore, but I remember that 15-year-old set piece.

We haven't heard so much dialogue about a kitchen appliance since Mike's blender practically got a SAG card all those years ago.


June 23rd, 2016

Kiki and Morgan take forever to discuss where they might possibly stand, and whether they should give their relationship another try. They run into someone Morgan knew in treatment, and he mentions that Morgan talked about Kiki all the time and can probably credit his progress to her. Kiki agrees to try out the relationship again, though she doesn't seem that excited about it. Elizabeth freaks out about her kiss with Franco, thinking he did it to bug Jason. She thinks he should work things out with Nina, and they should never talk about the kiss again. Sam's hesitant to break into Hux's manor, since Jason could end up getting extradited. Jason talks her into it, but by the time they get inside, Ava and Nikolas have overpowered Hux's assistant, Margarethe, and fled. While the two of them prepare to hide out and drink, Sam and Jason make a deal with Hux: They'll look for the two together, and Hux can do whatever he wants to Ava while Sam and Jason take Nikolas back to the States. Anna's blind date stands her up, but Paul's there to keep her company (and also try to wear her down about giving him a shot). For some reason, she doesn't tell him to leave her alone until the end of time, or that they will never get together so he should give up right now. Dillon and Nina give each other relationship advice – he tells her she can do better than Franco, though he'll support whatever decision she makes, and she encourages him to fight for Kiki.

Oh, Kiki, sweetie, no. I need someone from Intervention to come talk to her about codependency.

I assume Margarethe is supposed to be the UK version of Alice? No substitute for the original. I also assume that when Nikolas and Ava are found, they won't be completely clothed.

I will never support an Anna/Paul pairing, and I think the idea is just as gross as a Franco/Elizabeth pairing.

I finally really like Dillon again!


June 24th, 2016

Diane is able to get Alexis released on bail, since Paul doesn't put up much of a fight, despite pressure from Lomax. Anna suggests that Alexis search the house to see if Julian left behind any evidence, since it's likely he made a mistake. Julian gets a visit from Carlos' ghost, who thinks his best option to save himself is to silence his wife permanently. To Carly's dismay, Michael tells her and Sonny that he wants a future with Sabrina and Teddy. Carly thinks Sabrina's a manipulator and a user, and is just staying with Michael because it's convenient and he already loves her. Sonny tells her they have to stay out of it and let Michael handle things. Tracy doesn't want a different doctor, so Finn pays her a house call. Monica objects to him treating a patient during his suspension, warning that a board member wants to discuss his insubordination. Teddy's apparently sick enough to need to go straight to the hospital, so Tracy and Michael will have to keep Monica from finding out that Finn's taking care of him. Anna's no-show blind date sends her flowers and an apology note, making her consider giving him another chance. Paul thinks that's dumb.

Death has made Carlos so overdramatic.

Sometimes I think I love Diane more than I love some real people.

Carly was awfully uninterested in the fact that Anna wanted to talk to Sonny.

Is Teddy wearing a Kabbalah bracelet?

"Second chances are a bad thing," says the guy hoping for a second chance with his crush.

Scorecard:
Sick: Teddy Rivera

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Finn: "I just want to point out that Roxie never mocks me." Hayden: "Not out loud"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Diane Delano's English (Scottish?) accent
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: The newly reunited Corinthos family
Least believable moments: Kiki had a horrible cold but was up for a makeout session; Jason hasn't responded to Jake's calls and texts
Best instance of continuity: Carly lied to Tony about Michael's paternity
Worst instance of continuity: I don't think this show understands time zones. It always seems to be the same time in England as it is in New York
Hero of the week: Finn, looks like
Most annoying character: Julian
Smartest character: Sonny, who has actually learned something about parenting over the years
Dumbest character: Julian?

The week in a nutshell:


June 27th, 2016

Carlos' ghost suggests that Julian poison Alexis and make it look like an accidental death. Meanwhile, Alexis tries to record a conversation with her husband so she can get his murder confession on tape. He doesn't say anything incriminating, and at least part of his brain has caught on anyway. Carlos next urges him to drown his wife in the bathtub, and the visual of Julian imagining this is truly disturbing. Ava admits to Nikolas that she does have the real Weeping Naiad, but she won't tell him where it is. He's upset with her for putting his life in danger by lying to Hux and announces that this is where their partnership ends. He's heading on to parts unknown, and Ava will have to go home by herself. Ava protests, knowing that Hux will just track her down in Port Charles, and blackmails her way into continuing the adventure with Nikolas. Finn figures out that Teddy has botulism from eating yogurt with honey in it. While Tracy and Michael try to stall Monica from finding out Finn's treating a patient, Obrecht catches him in the act. Michael and Felix lock her in a closet but don't take her phone, so she calls 911. Valerie's been stationed at the hospital and starts to arrest Finn, but Sabrina and Michael are able to convince her to let him finish treating Teddy first. Valerie backs off, and Monica agrees to look the other way when Tracy tells her what's going on, so Finn successfully treats the baby, then surrenders himself to the police. Sam and Jason have no luck finding Nikolas and Ava, though they assume they're still near Hux's house. Sam learns of Alexis' arrest and decides to go home while Jason continues the search.

If Carlos is the devil on Julian's shoulder, who would be the angel? Lucas?

I can't believe Nikolas and Ava didn't run into Sam at the airport.

How does Nikolas plan to "send for Spencer" without anyone finding out he's alive? If Spencer just suddenly took off one day, I think people would notice.

Seriously, though, I'm not sitting through a plotline about a statue.

Valerie won back some points with me today. And I figured Monica would let Finn do his job. She's not heartless.

"Why didn't Molly or Kristina call me?" Good question, Sam. It doesn't look like Kristina's too worried, though, since in the previews, she's just hanging out with Aaron.


June 28th, 2016

Sonny inadvertently interrupts Julian just as he's about to go through with killing Alexis. Alexis kicks Julian out, then tells Sonny she was going to record his confession and use it against him. Sonny tells her he probably wants her dead, but Alexis thinks she's safe and should focus on clearing her name instead. Later, Sonny tracks Julian down at the Metro Court and blasts him for letting his wife take the blame for his crime...especially since said wife is pregnant. Nikolas keeps changing his mind but ultimately agrees to let Ava keep traveling with him. Next stop: Cassadine Island and Ava's sale of the statue. Aaron overhears Kristina leaving a message for Parker and guesses that Kristina was talking to a boyfriend. Kristina assures him that Parker is no competition. However, she backs off when Aaron wants to make out. Lulu starts to accept that Nikolas is really (probably) dead, which makes her sad, because there are at least a couple people left on the show who don't completely hate him. Jason has a run-in with a guy he figures out Hux sent to kill all the Port Charles visitors. Of course, Jason gets the upper hand and escapes without a scratch.

Remember when Alexis went through menopause four years ago? I don't think the writers do. Unless this is all a lie to keep Alexis alive, in which case, nice move.

Julian was really going to kill her! Well, there's no redeeming him now.

I assume Ava's buyer will turn out to be someone we're familiar with?

"We haven't found Nikolas' body, but he's probably dead." Do you guys remember where you live?

What was the point of Jason's scenes today?


June 29th, 2016

Julian thinks Sonny's making things up, but Alexis confirms his claim that she's pregnant, adding that Julian will never get anywhere near the baby. Julian realizes that prison would be a bad place for a pregnant woman, so he's willing to rethink his plan, but Alexis will have to take a pregnancy test first. Elsewhere, Anna meets up with Sonny, who assures her that Julian "took the bait." Morgan's really happy about getting back together with Kiki, though his parents are more hesitant that everything will be sunshine and roses and puppies and rainbows. At the same time, Dillon tells Kiki he regrets backing off and thinks she'd be better off with him than with Morgan. Kiki insists that she can't leave Morgan, making Dillon realize that she thinks she needs to be with him for his health. Carly spots the two of them kissing and returns later to confront Kiki. Anna makes up with Griffin, then asks about how he became a priest and why he's on leave. He tells her he fell for a parishioner who came to him for advice about her marriage to a cold, neglectful man (when her husband wasn't really either of those things). While he remembers breaking his vows with a woman wearing a crisscross ring, that same woman sees Maxie and Nathan's engagement announcement. Maxie's found a dress, but Nathan sees it, so of course she freaks out.

Yeah, I don't think Alexis is really pregnant. I think the thing she said she needed to tell Sonny was that she'd worked out a plan with Anna. Then Sonny purposely pretended to let the news about the pregnancy slip to Julian. It was a good idea, though. And you can't ignore the humor in Alexis, Sonny, and Anna all having to work together on this.

I've run out of words for how much of a slimeball Julian is. Denying that he betrayed Alexis? Saying that they need to reconsider things – he said "we," not "I," as if Alexis did anything wrong? SLIME.

Is there any viewer who hasn't figured out the Griffin/Claudette connection? I mean, really.

Don't worry about the dress, Maxie. The odds of you and Nathan actually getting married are pretty low.

I was actually thinking that Morgan should work with Aaron. It would give him something to do, and Sonny can inevitably use him to spy on his daughter's boyfriend.


June 30th, 2016

Alexis gives in to Julian's demands and is somehow able to provide him with a positive pregnancy test. He still thinks Alexis should stand trial, but the jury will probably be sympathetic because she's pregnant, so it should all be okay! Sonny and Anna aren't confident their plan will work, and Alexis confirms their fears when she tells Anna that she hasn't been able to record Julian saying anything incriminating. Anna decides that she should wear a wire instead. Morgan and Dillon do some macho posturing with each other while Kiki confides to Carly that things with Dillon got close to romantic while Morgan was gone. Carly advises her to be straightforward with Morgan and not commit to him again if she's not going to stick it out. Kiki catches her two boyfriends fighting over her and announces that she no longer has any time for Dillon. Nina overhears Franco and Elizabeth talking and thinks they hooked up. She asks Franco if he's going to accept her friends-with-benefits offer, and though he doesn't respond, she realizes that the answer is no. She's furious that he's developing feelings for Elizabeth and wants to be around Jake while saying he doesn't want to be a father. Hayden visits Finn in jail and finds him in bad shape without his medication. She offers to get his next delivery of it from the hospital, and you get just one guess as to which nurse catches her there.

I imagine you can fake a positive pregnancy test by just drawing a second line on it, right?

If Sonny's so worried about Alexis' safety, he could always send Max over to keep an eye on her. Like, if you're going to keep saying you're scared for her, maybe do something to protect her?

Strangely, Hayden's best bet here is probably to tell Elizabeth exactly what's going on. I doubt Elizabeth would stop her from taking Finn his life-saving medication.

GO AWAY, AMY. I mean, you're basically right, but still.


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