General Hospital blog - March, 2009

March 2nd, 2009

Zacchara demands that Sonny let him walk away with the money to ensure that Claudia lives. Sonny heads to the roof to save Claudia while Jason stops Zacchara and makes sure Rayner is able to arrest him. Sonny saves Claudia from the bomb (with help from Jason), and she repays him by making out with him. Zacchara tells Johnny that he didn't really want Claudia dead since Johnny would probably end up getting killed while trying to avenge her, but he thinks Sonny will do the job for him because he'll eventually find out about her role in Michael's shooting. Nikolas continues to stalk Rebecca, this time inviting Alexis to dinner at Kelly's to have an excuse to spend time with Rebecca. Alexis flat-out asks Rebecca if Nikolas makes her uncomfortable, and Rebecca admits that she's not so bothered by him. Nikolas proves his ineptitude with basic cleaning tasks like mopping, but at least Rebecca doesn't run away from him. Carly and Olivia bond a little over their frustrations with Sonny, as well as their inability to stop caring about him. Spinelli is let go and Maxie tells him how important he is to her. Elizabeth and Lucky don't seem to be catching on the way the rest of us are.

So much for having villains on the show. Can I nominate Helena as the next one?

I sure hope Claudia's on the pill....

Clearly Rebecca isn't familiar with The Gift of Fear.

Oh, stop saying ironic things, Olivia.

March 3rd, 2009

Spinelli throws a party for Jason to thank him for keeping him out of prison. Jason doesn't have the heart to tell him that he's still not out of the woods, but Spinelli overhears him talking about it with Sam anyway. Jason announces that he's considering sending Spinelli out of the country, even if it means he himself goes to jail for aiding and abetting him. Sonny and Claudia have the weirdest marriage ever, and she'd really better be on the pill. Johnny shows up to try to talk her into getting a divorce, but she doesn't want to leave Sonny. Meanwhile, Sonny winds up at Robin and Patrick's, where he tells Emma that he misses having a family. Robin also thinks the marriage should be over, and he has a hard time explaining to her why he disagrees. Rebecca learns more about Nikolas and starts warming up to him (seeing him shirtless doesn't hurt). Alexis does some research and tells Nikolas that there's no sign of Rebecca being related to Emily. Patrick thinks Robin is better, but she's definitely not.

Poor Spinelli. Though I'm sure he'd appreciate it if Jason would stop treating him like the fragile little fawn he is.

For the first time in weeks, I finally agree with Robin on something - Sonny and Claudia are weird and dumb.

I find it hard to believe that Patrick would let Sonny in the house, let alone allow him to watch Emma (who's totally adorable despite apparently wearing a baby toupee). Didn't he tell Robin that he didn't want Jason around Emma? What makes Sonny any different?

Nikolas has clearly forgotten that he himself had an identical twin who wasn't actually related to him. Actually, I wouldn't blame him for forgetting that stupid storyline.

March 4th, 2009

Jason tries again to tell Spinelli that he's sending him out of the country, but Spinelli doesn't want to hear it. Sam suggests that they talk to Winifred about helping Spinelli, but Jason doesn't think they should get her involved. Spinelli visits Maxie one last time, then leaves Jason a goodbye letter and catches a flight out of town. He's stunned to see Winifred on the same plane. Robin visits Maxie, who catches on that something isn't right, then the Haunted Star, where she meets Ethan and for some reason lies that she doesn't have any kids. Edward wants Rebecca to move into the mansion, but Tracy thinks she's a con artist. Luke notes the irony that she can see through Rebecca but not Ethan. Nadine realizes that nothing's going to happen between her and Nikolas as long as Rebecca's around, so they're done. I give Lucky a month before he moves back in with Elizabeth.

Oh, so that's why Winifred's still around.

Don't flirt with Robin, Ethan - she's probably your sister. Oh, and a LIAR.

Why do we have to say goodbye to Nadine? She and Matt would have been adorable together. If it's about money, I can think of a handful of people they could let go in order to pay Claire Coffee. Trust me, no one would miss any of them.

Favorite moment of the day: Luke trading Rebecca her water for his booze.

March 5th, 2009

Carly tells Sonny about an experimental procedure that could help Michael. Meanwhile, Claudia visits Michael, as she's apparently been doing every week. Matt tries to talk Patrick into seeing a post-partum expert, but Patrick denies that there's anything wrong with Robin. He's proven wrong when she hires the nanny for the full day and heads to Mercy to start working. Luke thinks Lulu has a crush on Ethan. Lulu thinks Ethan is a liar who took Robin's wallet. Rebecca rails at Nikolas for interfering in her struggle with the Quartermaines. She then goes back to the mansion to apologize to Monica. Meanwhile, Luke tries to remind Nikolas that Rebecca isn't Emily.

Why does Claudia pose as a Quartermaine to visit Michael? They...have the same last name. No one's going to think it's weird that a Corinthos is visiting a Corinthos.

Aaaaand I'm back to disagreeing with Robin.

Heh, Rebecca uses the back door to the mansion. Jason would be so proud.

Whoever thought Luke would be giving Nikolas advice? Heck, whoever thought Luke could have a conversation with Nikolas without insulting him?

March 6th, 2009

Jason worries that Spinelli won't be able to look out for himself and decides to track him down, with some help from Sam. Sonny makes him realize that Spinelli is better off out of the mob, and Jason should let him make his own decisions. Sam learns that Spinelli is in L.A. but Jason tells her they're not going to go after him. Meanwhile, poor Maxie gets stood up and has to learn the reason from Spinelli's goodbye letter to Jason. Spinelli (AKA Hudson Rorschach) and Winifred (AKA Diana Princeton) set out on a journey to help the helpless in L.A. (hmmm, sounds familiar), starting out by saving a restaurant. (Not quite what Winifred had in mind when she daydreamed about Spinelli being Indiana Jones.) Some Poor Man's Eliza Dushku is very interested in their activities. Patrick confronts Robin about avoiding Emma and tries to convince her to see a psychiatrist. Robin tells Maxie what's been going on and tries to play things off like they're fine. Later, Lulu returns her wallet and Patrick overhears her mentioning Ethan's statement that Robin said she doesn't have any kids. Rebecca eavesdrops on Luke and Nikolas, then goes to Luke for some advice of her own on how to help Nikolas. Nikolas overhears him telling Rebecca to stay away from Nikolas. Claudia manages to escape the aftercare institute without being spotted by Carly, but once home she almost slips and lets Sonny know that she's seen Michael recently.

Was Spinelli's alias a reference to Watchmen? Because that wouldn't surprise me at all.

I get it now! Rebecca is to Emily as post-accident Jason is to pre-accident Jason. Except without guns.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: for someone who lies a lot, Claudia sure sucks at it.

Okay, I'll bite - who's Poor Man's Eliza Dushku?

Arrested: Anthony Zacchara
Left town: Winifred Leeds, Damien Spinelli
Not so much in a common-law marriage anymore: Sonny Corinthos and Claudia Zacchara

March 7th, 2009

Next week: Spinelli's in danger (shocker), so is Emma, and Lucky has issues with Ethan while Nikolas has issues with Lucky.

March 9th, 2009

Maxie demands that Jason go looking for Spinelli, since both of them know that he can't take care of himself. When she can't make him budge, Maxie convinces Sam to tell her where Spinelli was headed. Poor Man's Eliza Dushku, actually named Cassandra, wants to hire Spinelli to track down money her ex stole from her, but Winifred is skeptical about her true motives. She turns out to be in the right, as just as Maxie finds out where Spinelli is, Cassandra drugs him. Back in Port Charles, Sam announces that she's going to L.A. whether Jason wants to come along or not. Sonny blasts Claudia for talking about Michael, then tells her how much he'd love to get revenge. She tries to convince him once again that Ian was working alone. Kate stops by later and starts bugging Claudia again, but Sonny just gets mad that she's talking about Michael. Carly goes to Jason for advice about Michael's procedure and he helps her see that she's already made up her mind to go through with it. Sonny goes to Luke for the same reason and confides that he feels like he's let Carly made all the decisions. Carly tells Patrick that no matter what the chances are for Michael, she wants him to perform his procedure. Robin and Patrick fight about whether or not she has post-partum depression. Of course, they get nowhere. Nikolas asks Alexis to help him sue Jax, but she guesses that he's just trying to get his mind off of Rebecca.

Heh, I love how Maxie told the restaurant guy/hotel runner (seriously?) to keep Spinelli around because she'll be right there. Apparently California is right next door to New York!

If Claudia were smart (and I feel like I say that a lot), she would convince Sonny that Jerry was Ian's accomplice. But we all know that even Emma is smarter than Claudia, so that'll never happen.

Is there anyone left on the show who can shut Robin up? I'm starting to think the answer is no. Maybe Claudia can give it a shot (no pun intended)?

Speaking of people who need to shut up, hi, Kate!

March 10th, 2009

Claudia lies that she was just talking to Kate about Michael's procedure, but she's unable to distract Sonny from the situation at hand. Kate finally realizes that she's never going to get Sonny out of the mob, and she's only making herself miserable, so she's going to leave him alone. Claudia later makes sure she's telling the truth, and Kate warns that someday Sonny will find out the truth, just not from her. Meanwhile, an unidentified person steals a DVD from Sonny's house. Cassandra abducts Spinelli and enlists him to help her steal some art. He imagines an angel Maxie and a devil Maxie talking him either into or out of attempting to seduce Cassandra. Maxie heads to L.A. and blasts Winifred for losing Spinelli. Elizabeth gets some more information out of Rebecca, but it still doesn't answer any of the big questions. She also realizes that Rebecca has a crush on Lucky. Patrick doesn't want Robin in the OR when he performs the procedure on Michael, and Carly agrees that Robin needs to get herself some help before she's responsible for anyone else's life. Johnny still wants to start his own business. I still don't care.

What the heck was up with that angel/devil stuff? Not only was it stupid, it went on about five minutes too long. Poor Kirsten Storms.

Actually, Robin, you don't have the "right" to be in the OR if the patient's family doesn't want you there. I can't believe that once again, I'm siding with Carly on something.

You know what I want? A murder mystery. Starring Kate. And I get to be the killer.

Too bad they didn't get a better actress to play Rebecca, because then I might be able to figure out if she's actually being squirrelly or if she just can't play uncomfortable well.

March 11th, 2009

Robin acts snippy with Patrick, then blasts Matt for psychoanalyzing her and spying for Patrick when he visits and brings up the topic of postpartum depression. Matt shares the news with Patrick, who also blasts him for interfering. At Kelly's, Robin runs into Elizabeth and asks if Patrick has asked her to keep an eye on Robin. Distracted by an emergency at Mercy, Robin ditches Emma at the diner. Sam and Jason wind up in L.A., where they team up with Winifred and Maxie to figure out where Spinelli is. Maxie's knowledge of fashion puts them on the right path to finding Cassandra, and they piece everything together when Spinelli manages to send Winifred a fake pop-up ad letting them know that he's been tasked to steal a painting from an auction. Michael's procedure is unsuccessful, and Carly decides that it's time to accept that he isn't coming back. Expect he might be, because his brain waves have changed. Lucky meets Ethan, who stupidly proceeds to steal his wallet. Luke returns it and Lucky yells at him for siding with a con over his son because he's ashamed that Lucky's a cop. Tracy gets involved in the fight and Luke later tells her she needs to stay out of it.

Two pieces of casting news, one which has been confirmed by a reliable source and which I don't care about (and am not at all surprised about), and one which hasn't been confirmed yet but which I really hope is true. First, Emma Samms will come by for May sweeps. I'm sure we're all supposed to prepare ourselves for the big shock that she's Ethan's mother. Second, Constance Towers is rumored to be returning next month. Please, please, please. I would be so thrilled.

At least Mike will mostly likely notice the abandoned baby in his diner. Um, I hope.

Instead of teasing us about bringing back Michael, can we CAST DANTE ALREADY? I really don't get why they did that storyline at all if we're never going to get the payoff.

I figured that's where they were going with Lucky and Luke (Lucky feeling like Luke prefers Ethan as a son), but I'm surprised they got there so fast. Usually they stretch this kind of thing out for weeks.

March 12th, 2009

Jason, Sam, and Winifred prepare to rescue Spinelli without any help from Maxie. Spinelli opens the vault, and as Cassandra and a henchman go to retrieve the painting, Spinelli tries to overpower the other henchman. Jason, Sam, and Winifred rescue him while Maxie spots Cassandra leaving with the painting and stalls her long enough for the others to join her. Ultimately, Cassandra and her henchmen are arrested and everyone is safe. It takes her a while, but Robin remembers she has a kid. Ethan taunts Lucky about Luke, leading to a fistfight that Rebecca breaks up. She takes Lucky to the hospital to get examined and Nikolas notices how close they're getting. As Carly and Jax decide to move on, making plans to renew their vows, Sonny asks Robin to examine Michael and give a second opinion. Lulu tries to drum up business for Johnny, who doesn't want to be seen as a charity case. She apologizes and also promises to live with his PR dates with Maxie. I really hope Ethan is Robert's son, not Luke's, because otherwise, he's flirting with his sister. (Oh, and his picture is of Luke and Robert.)

Guess what - the Michael storyline is actually going somewhere! Some guy named Drew Garrett is going to play him. SORAS'd, non-redhead Michael premieres April 24th (but not necessarily awake).

What an anticlimactic ending to the painting storyline. I hope something else happens there.

I'm sure Patrick and Carly will be perfectly fine with Robin secretly giving Michael an examination. Sonny, you idiot!

So Lucky missed out on two arrests today - Ethan for assaulting a cop and Robin for neglect. As usual, the PCPD is stupid.

How is Johnny opening a garage? With the $2,000 Kate gave him?

March 13th, 2009

Jason tells Winifred that he and Spinelli can't be tied to the Cassandra situation, so the two of them, Sam, and Maxie plan to hide out in L.A. and then take Spinelli out of the country. Maxie is upset by the turn of events and finally tells Spinelli that she's in love with him. Rayner blasts Winifred for being an idiot, then tells her she's being commended and given a security upgrade because she nabbed Cassandra. Meanwhile, Sam suggests to Jason that they can keep Spinelli in the country by getting Winifred to destroy the evidence against him. Robin lies to Patrick about the day's events, then...leaves town? Claudia wants to have a party and make the Five Families give Sonny money. Then she and Sonny have sex. Yeah, we get it, Jax and Carly are back together. Nikolas is totally jealous of Lucky and Rebecca, who at least have the grace to notice and try to make him feel more comfortable.

Oh, I'm sure you won't get caught in your lie, Robin. It's not like anyone saw you at the hospital or anything. YOU MORON.

Sheesh, when did Sam turn into a little criminal? She carries a gun around, she suggests destroying evidence, she shoots to kill - she's like Jason's perfect woman.

I'm surprised Elizabeth isn't the one who's jealous of Lucky and Rebecca.

Yay, I can go back to fast-forwarding all of Carly and Jax's scenes!

March 14th, 2009

Next week: Robin ticks off Patrick, Winifred does her thing but Alexis gets the last word, and Ric holds control over Claudia. Ooooh, I bet he stole the DVD!

March 16th, 2009

Claudia's all excited about the summit/party/benefit and wants to invite Johnny, who I'm sure would love to come. She and Sonny agree that Ric should be invited just to appease him, which is a bad idea, considering he's the one who stole the DVD and now knows that Claudia's responsible for Michael's shooting. Robin winds up at a bar in Rochester where she meets her exact opposite, a single mom who would rather be with her daughter than work. Robin invents an alter ego who has no family, then stays in Rochester for the night. Patrick has to cancel their dinner, and Elizabeth has to tell him that Robin never went to the restaurant, isn't at home, and isn't answering her phone. Jason doesn't want Winifred to destroy the evidence against Spinelli (an idea she's come up with on her own, without Sam having to even bring it up) because like Michael, she and Spinelli are innocents and shouldn't be involved in the mob. Winifred doesn't care what he thinks. Maxie tells Spinelli that if he leaves, she'll finish what she and Johnny started the night of the fire. That's all it takes for him to tell Jason he's going back to Port Charles with everyone else. Diane interrupts Jax and Carly's evening to recommend a postnuptial agreement because they'll inevitably split up again (most likely because of Sonny).

Ha, I knew Ric stole the DVD! I like this twist. Claudia's in TROUBLE....

Robin, stay put. The men in white coats will be right there.

For all the times she's been kicked out of other people's houses, you'd think Carly would be better at kicking people out of her house.

Way to shoehorn that Spinelli/Michael comparison in there, writers. It doesn't quite work.

March 17th, 2009

Rayner stops by the penthouse looking for Spinelli, who's hiding out at Lulu and Maxie's. He tries to force Jason's hand by putting out an APB on Spinelli, describing him as armed and dangerous. Rayner also threatens to stall Sam's PI license, leading her to complain to Alexis, who goes to his office to tell him to back off. Meanwhile, Winifred has snuck into the office to destroy the evidence against Spinelli, with some help from the Jackal himself. She hides under the desk and listens as Alexis tells Rayner that he can go after Sonny all he wants, but Spinelli shouldn't have to be involved. Maxie and Johnny go to another fashion show, then get drunk and make out on the way home. Nikolas gets overly jealous of Lucky and Rebecca, going so far as to tell Lucky to stop spending time with her. Carly wants to have a happy life, starting with renewing her vows with Jax, but she's worried that it won't work out.

Apparently they let complete idiots into the FBI now.

Do you realize that we have to listen to them talk about Michael for another month before anything actually happens? Sigh.

I know they're not actually blood relations, but wouldn't Rebecca find it weird that Sam dated her cousin's brother?

Funny how Lulu thinks Kate cares about her as anything other than a slave.

March 18th, 2009

Sonny wishes Carly happiness as she prepares to renew her vows with Jax. He then goes to bug Olivia, who discovers that someone has sent Jax a DVD. Alexis spots Winifred under Rayner's desk and leads him away so she can escape unseen. Spinelli sneaks into the FBI and helps Winifred destroy the evidence against him, though in the process he seems to cause another problem. Patrick goes looking for Robin, who's turning down a date with a guy at the Rochester bar. Patrick is so distracted by his missing, out-of-touch wife that he makes a fool of himself in front of a guy he doesn't realize is a famous NASCAR driver. Elizabeth encourages him to look into postpartum-depression treatments. Lulu tries to call a moratorium on the PR dates.

Wow, Sonny. Just because Olivia isn't married to her enemy's daughter out of convenience doesn't mean she's lonely. Way to be a jerk for absolutely no reason.

Robin really is a bad liar. Good to know.

Y'all know I love Alexis, but no way would she ever last five minutes in the FBI. Covert and subtle are not her strong suits.

Oh, we're still on the Lulu/Johnny/Maxie stuff. Terrific.

March 19th, 2009

Alexis tells Jason that she saw Winifred and Spinelli at the FBI; she doesn't seem to care what they're doing since she kind of likes Spinelli. Jason confronts the two and tells them that if they pull another stunt like that, he'll send them both out of the country. Spinelli and Winifred need to get to a thumb drive but also need to up Winifred's security clearance via Rayner's office. They plan to do so while Rayner has a bunch of agents covering the mob summit. Rayner also plans to have a man on the inside - a wire-wearing Jason. Olivia shows Jax the DVD and he considers looking at it before continuing his renewal honeymoon with Carly. Johnny tells Sonny that he'll come to the summit if he divorces Claudia. Sonny refuses, then spills to Claudia. Robin starts to leave Rochester, then goes back for a date with Brad. Mac blames Patrick for Robin's strange behavior until Maxie convinces him that she has postpartum depression. Patrick announces that they need to help her before she does something horrible. Sonny tells Alexis that now that he and Jason are back in charge together, the city will be safer.

So who thinks Carly's going to watch the DVD, then crash the mob party and announce what's on it to everyone? Oh, please do.

Can't Spinelli just give Jason some sort of gizmo that blocks the signal on the wire? Whatever, Rayner's never going to get what he wants out of that situation.

Looks like Robin needs an intervention....

More funny Alexis, please! She looked so proud of herself for coming up with party games mobsters can play.

March 20th, 2009

Rayner convinces Jason that his only hope to keep Spinelli out of prison is to wear a wire to the summit, which Jason reluctantly agrees to do. He tells Diane about the situation, leading her to warn Max to be careful what he says. Ric tries to get back into the organization, then reveals his possession of the DVD to Claudia. Jax finally watches his DVD, in which Jerry tells him that he has a confession to make. Spinelli and Winifred prepare for their mission at the FBI with an assist from Sam, who apparently steals Rayner's ID. Mac blasts Patrick for making Robin sick but ultimately agrees to let him go after her when they find out where she is. Too bad she's now been on a date with Brad and is currently making out with him.

Casting updates, plus a wonderful new scoop:

Took you long enough, Jax. In the time it took you to watch the DVD, I'd already found out Jerry's confession.

They've shown that DVD so many times it's about to get a SAG card. Just like Mike's blender!

If the PI business doesn't work out, Sam could get a job as a magician.

March 21st, 2009

Next week: Jax keeps Jerry's confession from Carly, Patrick confronts Robin, Lucky and Nikolas fight over Rebecca, and Ric has it in for Claudia.

March 23rd, 2009

Jerry tells Jax that he worked with Ian on Claudia's orders and they were planning to kill Sonny when Michael was shot. Jax keeps the news from Carly and attempts to hide the DVD from her, but she finds it. Ric wants to blackmail Claudia but doesn't actually have the terms worked out yet. Jason manages to get through the party without Sonny saying anything incriminating, then destroys the wire by getting Ric to spill his drink on it. Rayner pulls him out early and accuses him of warning Sonny ahead of time. He threatens to extend his search for Spinelli and arrest Jason. Johnny fights with Lulu about going to the party, then throws his support behind Sonny (or at least fakes it well). Patrick is worried about how things will turn out but ends up going to Rochester to bring Robin home. Robin and Brad have spent the evening making out in her room (and almost more), and when Patrick arrives, he catches them kissing. Sam gets caught trying to get access to the thumb drive.

Yay, more twists for the Michael storyline! I wonder how Carly will feel when she inevitably finds out that the man who hates being lied to is keeping a secret from her.

I'm surprised Rayner doesn't think "coffee" is a euphemism for drugs. I mean, "I never touch the stuff"? Who says that about coffee?

Poor Brad. He doesn't deserve this craziness.

Could someone please shut Lulu up?

March 24th, 2009

Rayner arrests Spinelli and Jason, but thanks to Sam and Winifred, the evidence against Spinelli mysteriously disappears and he has to let them go. Patrick leaves Rochester without letting Robin know he showed up, then tells Elizabeth he saw her with another man but doesn't want Robin to know that they know. Robin returns home on her own and though she isn't completely honest with Patrick, she does admit that she thinks she has postpartum depression and needs help. Jax distracts Carly from the DVD, which he later watches more of before assuring Carly that nothing will tear them apart again. Claudia pushes Sonny to give Ric a job so he'll keep quiet. Sonny is suspicious but not enough to do anything about it. Spinelli tells Johnny that he knows about his makeout session with Maxie.

Okay, seriously, when did Sam become such a hero? Maybe her TV show rubbed off on her. Also, someone needs to tell Spinelli not to smirk until after he leaves the room.

Way to jinx yourself there, Jax.

How does Sonny not get that Ric and Claudia are both lying to him? You'd think he'd be smarter than this.

Yay, Robin finally wised up! Patrick, on the other hand, is going to challenge Jax for biggest secret kept.

March 25th, 2009

Ric brags to Jason that he's going to make his way back into the organization despite Jason's closeness to Sonny. He then goes to Rayner and offers to give him information on Sonny and Jason, which he plans to collect from Claudia in exchange for his silence about the shooting. Robin meets with Lainey and starts to tell her about her problems but doesn't get very far before running off again. She winds up confiding in Jason, who makes her realize that she'd rather get better than give up. Luke catches Ethan stealing Edward's wallet but can't convince him to give it back. Tracy arrives, on to Ethan, and tells him that she wants to work with him to con Edward. She wants access to his assets so she can control them since she can't trust Edward to do it anymore. Luke refuses to let Ethan help with the con, but it's really because he wants to work with Ethan and run the con himself. He doesn't realize that Tracy is eavesdropping and hears Luke and Ethan making a deal. Nikolas is still jealous of Lucky and thinks it's tasteless of him to be "dating" Rebecca, even though they're not even dating. Later he talks with Rebecca about it just before she goes to get a mammogram. Spinelli wants to go into business with Sam and start McCall & Jackal, P.I. Winifred gets fired from the FBI, so Spinelli asks her to join the business.

I think admitting this might mean I need to be committed, but...I love Ric. I know, it's all kinds of wrong, but I can't help it.

Color me shocked that Patrick didn't catch Jason and Robin hugging.

Dear writers, don't give Rebecca cancer unless you're going to kill her off. Otherwise I'll be forced to apply liberal use of the fast-forward button.

Is Winifred staying? And a follow-up question: why?

March 26th, 2009

Sonny overhears Ric and Claudia talking about some secret, so Ric spends a few minutes torturing Claudia by making her think he's going to spill everything, then tells Sonny that Claudia stole money from Zacchara in case Johnny needed it. Claudia agrees to give him information on Sonny, then gets some sleeping pills. Ric proves his worth to Sonny by warning him about an assassination plot. Olivia catches Jax watching the DVD, so he tells her everything to get her opinion. She tells him to burn the DVD. Jax confides that he doesn't want to tell Carly that Jerry was involved in Michael's shooting because a) he blames himself for not putting Jerry in jail, and b) he's afraid she'll always associate him with Jerry. Of course, she walks in on this last part. Patrick goes back to Carly for advice, and she tells him to support Robin instead of fighting with her. He mentions that he needs someone to look after Emma, so she sends Mercedes over, but this just makes Robin mad because Patrick told Carly about her situation. Tracy ruins Ethan and Luke's attempts to get Edward's phone and steal his money. Just when I thought I couldn't get any more bored, Rebecca might have breast cancer.

Claudia, I don't think you can kill Ric with sleeping pills. I'm pretty sure it takes a silver bullet or a stake through the heart.

Dear everyone, stop having secret conversations so loudly, and especially in a place where the person you don't want to hear you is most likely to show up.

Here's where we find out how smart Olivia is. If she's smart, she'll figure out that Kate and Jax's DVDs match, and therefore Kate knows what Jax knows. If she's not...well, she'll continue to be an unimportant, unnecessary character.

Hey, Mercedes! Um, Morgan just looks after himself now, huh?

March 27th, 2009

Ric plays right into Claudia's hands by coming around looking for sex. She secretly drugs him with the sleeping pills, which do their job just after they're done in bed. Ric boasts that Claudia can never kill him because he's made a copy of the DVD and given it to someone who's been instructed to send it to Sonny if Ric dies. Before he can tell Claudia who he gave it to (not that he was ever going to), he passes out, leaving Claudia to try to come up with an explanation for Sonny, who's right outside her bedroom. Jax tells Carly that Jerry's alive but not that he was involved in the shooting. Later he visits Michael and confides that he doesn't think Carly would ever be able to recover from the truth. Robin blasts Patrick for talking to Carly about her. She then confides in Jason some more as Patrick gets some advice from Sonny. Sonny tells Jason that Ric will be working for him, then admits that he's just keeping him around to keep an eye on him. Things don't look good for Rebecca. Nikolas passes the time talking to Monica and deciding that Rebecca and Emily really aren't related.

Oh, Claudia. You're so bad at this. Also, who do you think has the copy of the DVD? Here's a hint: she's the only person who's able to have a civil conversation with Ric. Also, she's his ex and they have a child together. Does that narrow it down at all?

Why doesn't Patrick just tell Robin he saw her with Brad? This is so tedious.

Also tedious - Carly continually walking in on conversations Jax is having with other people about Jerry. Maybe that should signal to him that he needs to stop talking about it.

Dear writers, we don't care about Rebecca. Do whatever the heck you want to her.

March 28th, 2009

Next week: Lulu gets annoyed when Maxie flirts with Ethan (hi, Lulu, if Maxie's flirting with Ethan, then she's not flirting with Johnny, idiot), Robin continues to annoy me, Olivia is on my side in this Jax thing, and Claudia has another plan, hopefully one she's actually thought through.

March 30th, 2009

Claudia shoos Sonny away, then calls Johnny to retrieve Ric and take him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. Johnny's on the way to a club opening with Maxie, so he brings her along to get Ric but doesn't tell her what's going on with him and Claudia. Claudia attempts to distract Sonny with sex as the two take Ric to the hospital and ditch him, then return to Maxie and Lulu's place to tell Spinelli and Lulu about the great opening. Too bad Lulu has heard from Clarice that they never made it to the club. Claudia visits Ric in the hospital and tells him that he just collapsed in her room, but he knows she tried to kill him. Carly is ready to move on, but she'll probably change her mind since Michael has moved for the first time in a year. Jason fills Sonny in on what happened with Rayner, and Sonny tells him Spinelli shouldn't have as much access to the organization as he does. Jason tells him that the new PI agency should keep him occupied. Sonny assigns Jason to reopen the investigation into Michael's shooting and determine once and for all if Ian was working alone. Rebecca has to wait for a biopsy, and she totally wants Nikolas to comfort her, if you know what I mean.

Okay, Maxie is exactly what this Claudia/Ric/Sonny storyline needs. More Maxie, please!

And less Rebecca, while you're at it. Seriously, writers, WE DON'T CARE ABOUT HER.

I'm all for Michael waking up, because at least it's interesting, but do we really have to stretch this out for a month?

Hey, Claudia? When your not-so-common-law husband basically demands sex, maybe you're in the wrong kind of relationship. Also, if you sleep with him in the next 24 hours and don't get pregnant, people are going to build a shrine to you.

March 31st, 2009

Carly is adamant that she didn't imagine things and Michael is starting to wake up, even though Patrick tells her it's not possible. She tells him she'll be seeking a second opinion from a specialist. Jax tells her that he believes her, but he probably just wants her to be right so he can appease his guilt. Later, he rewatches the DVD, then destroys it. Jason admits to both Sam and Carly that he's not sure he believes Michael can wake up, but Carly doesn't seem to mind. Nikolas promises to help Rebecca with whatever she needs. Alexis still questions his motives. Rebecca tells someone that she's not sure she can carry out their plan after all. Maxie and Johnny assure Lulu that nothing happened between them, but she's still not sure. Spinelli tells Johnny that he's willing to fight him for Maxie, which Johnny finds hilarious. Ethan steals Alexis' wallet when she visits the Haunted Star, but she doesn't arrest him, for some reason. He goes to Lulu and Maxie's on an errand for Luke, and when Maxie decides that Lulu has a crush on Ethan, she starts flirting with him. Jason encourages Sam to open McCall & Jackal, P.I.

I hate that for possibly the first time ever, Carly is going to be right and Jason is going to be wrong. This is just going to encourage her....

Please, please, please let that be Helena on the other end of Rebecca's phone.

If Ethan is Lulu's brother...EW TO ALL OF THIS.

More Alexis/Luke scenes! I hate that I have to request them.

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