General Hospital blog - March, 2013

March 1st, 2013

Olivia and Maxie plan a super-quick wedding, but as Steven and Olivia are exchanging vows, the Memphis police arrive to arrest him. Frisco is still annoying and may have broken Britt's leg. He's determined to get Felicia back and won't shut up about it. He also meets Spinelli and hates him. Felicia confides her Frisco-related issues to Duke, who urges her to figure out her feelings. Tracy hires Spinelli to find her relish, neither of them realizing that Ellie has agreed to help A.J., Michael, and Starr reverse engineer it. Spinelli tells Tracy that according to the Friends of Spinelli, Duke is now working for ELQ. Tracy then "hires" Duke to find the relish, then sends Spinelli to spy on him. Sabrina is cleared of wrongdoing in Carlson's death, but she's not going to graduate. A.J. asks Elizabeth out. Patrick grows suspicious when he sees Frisco and Britt talking.

I figured they would either kill Steven off or revive the Memphis plot. Interesting that they made us think they were doing the first but did the second instead.

"Toots"? I hate you again, Frisco.

I love the irony of Spinelli and Ellie working on different sides of the ELQ mess without knowing it.

An A.J./Elizabeth pairing is weird.

Speaking of Elizabeth, I hate to say it, but she's right about Maxie's horrible wedding track record. Maybe she should try something else.

Arrested (again): Heather Webber, Steven Webber
Injured: Steven Webber, Britt Westbourne (poor Kelly Thiebaud broke her leg)
Presumed dead: Caleb Morley

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): McBain's reaction to Lucy's dramatics; Tracy and Spinelli's scenes
Funniest moment (unintentional): The realization that McBain was basically fighting himself
Saddest moment: Why can't Olivia have nice things?
Sweetest/cutest moment: Starr teasing that Michael could have looked at the side of the carton to see the ice cream ingredients
Least believable moment: Not only was Dante not at Olivia and Steven's wedding, but Olivia didn't even mention him
Hero of the week: Rafe, for taking away Heather's crazy (I'm still not sure how he did that)
Most annoying character: Frisco
Smartest character: Duke
Dumbest character: Tracy
Unanswered question of the week: Who's watching Starr?
Things we learned this week: 1. Starr's been taking classes at PCU.
2. Spinelli is having money problems.
3. Patrick enjoys the $5 bet as much as I do.

March 2nd, 2013

Next week: Todd faces the music. Which is probably inconsequential, since he's leaving.

March 4th, 2013

Sam makes a public show of support for McBain, Rafe, and Lucy for saving her and Danny. This throws a wrench in the mayor's plan to prosecute them (since it would hurt her image) and Anna's plan to resign over her failure to control McBain. The mayor, Anna, and the DA end up announcing that Anna was working with the "Port Charles Three" (as Molly has dubbed them), and since they saved two lives, they're all free. Steven decides not to fight his charges, agreeing to go back to Memphis and plead guilty. Also, he doesn't want to marry Olivia until after his legal issues are resolved, so I hope she kept the receipt for her wedding dress. Lucy makes Anna take her to the morgue so she can make sure Caleb/Stephen is really dead. He appears to be, but not really. Felix doesn't believe that Sabrina could have failed her nursing exam, so he questions Epiphany. It turns out Sabrina did pass, but Epiphany thinks she cheated. Patrick suspects that Britt had something to do with the supposed failure. Kristina questions Molly's feelings for Rafe.

Hey, remember when Lucy stabbed a guy? Are they going to just let that slide?

Oh, Steven. I don't think Olivia will be waiting for you after this.

Sabrina has the best grades in the class but Epiphany thinks she cheated on the exam? THAT MAKES NO SENSE. Also, why are they graduating in March?

So...Rafe will be living with McBain, yes? For, um, the next two weeks, until they make Michael Easton leave?

March 5th, 2013

Olivia reluctantly accepts Steven's decision to plead guilty. Sabrina got a perfect score on her exam, but an anonymous message accused her of cheating, and Epiphany found a copy of the test in her locker. Patrick tells her Britt must have framed Sabrina, but Epiphany won't listen. Sabrina almost decides to accept her expulsion, but then her backbone takes over and she stands up for herself, convincing Epiphany to let her retake the test. Epiphany later admits to Patrick that she's not a Britt fan either. Heather advises Todd to get Johnny to keep his goon from testifying that he saw Todd at the shed. Todd repays the favor by helping her call Steven. Kate looks through Trey's things to learn more about him and finds out that he was trying to learn more about her. Sonny has no friends and I guess Shawn's busy, so he tells Carly about his recent romantic woes. Carly admits her Todd issues, so neither of them is exactly a winner right now. But at least Kate ends up at Sonny's house.

So I guess that's it for Steven?

Sabrina also should have mentioned that if she'd used a stolen copy of the exam, she wouldn't have left it in her locker, because she's not an idiot.

Good luck, Todd. Your Johnny plan is never going to work.

I don't know what Kate using a fake name has to do with anything, CAROLINE.

March 6th, 2013

On an unofficial Reunion Day, Kate apologizes to Sonny and they decide to give things another try. She promises that Connie will never resurface, but Mirror Connie has different ideas. Mac thinks Frisco's back for Felicia, who's just told him she's going to meet a friend when she's really going to see Frisco. Fortunately for Mac, she's telling him to leave town. Unfortunately for Mac, Frisco doesn't like the word "no," and he's more determined than ever to get his family back. Duke and Anna are couple #2 to reunite, but their yay-we're-back-together makeout session is interrupted by the news that the money Tracy gave Duke is counterfeit. Luke accuses Scott of sending Lulu the mini Ice Princess, but Laura backs up Scott's claims that he's made peace with her. Later, Laura sees Anna and Duke together and thinks Anna's cheating on Luke. Reunited couple #3: Kevin and Lucy, the latter of whom vows not to talk about vampires anymore. Spinelli finds out that Ellie's working for A.J.

Yes, Kate, your willpower alone is enough to keep Connie at bay. P.S. You're still married.

Can someone please tell me on redeeming quality Frisco has? I can't think of a single one.

I love that Duke spent Tracy's money (er, "money") on a present for a woman Tracy hates. And I was going to say that the waiter probably would have called the police before mentioning to Duke that it was counterfeit, but...Anna's already there.

Luke, if anyone's being gaslit here, it's you.

March 7th, 2013

Duke tells Anna where he got the counterfeit money, so she takes him to the Quartermaines and threatens to arrest Tracy. Tracy and Duke each think Anna should arrest the other, so she gets them to back down by threatening to follow through. Duke still loses, though, because Anna isn't sure he's straightened out enough for her tastes. Scott works really hard to keep Laura from telling Luke that Anna's "cheating" on him. Connie wants Kate to stay away from her man, which is going to be difficult. She also announces that she's the real personality and Kate's the alter. Kate tries to get rid of her by breaking the mirror. Rafe has to go to a group home, even though he and McBain would obviously get along really well. T.J. thinks Molly's bored with him because she "fixed" him, and now she wants another project. Shawn tells him to tell her that Kate's back, which means she could get her book back.

Luke drank AGAIN! Now I think the writers are just messing with me.

This Kate/Sonny/Connie thing is the weirdest love triangle ever. Also, way to break a mirror and then just leave the pieces there for someone else to clean up, Kate.

Oh, just have Rafe move in with McBain already. Uh, for two weeks.

Heh, Molly's even happier about Kate's return than Sonny was.

March 8th, 2013

Todd uses the press to announce his love for Carly, who claims she wouldn't take him back even if he were acquitted. We'll have to see if she's telling the truth, as Heather and Johnny's witness both perjure themselves, resulting in the charges against Todd being dropped. Kate plays innocent about the mirror, wanting to focus instead on her reunion with Sonny. But it turns out Connie's back again and wants revenge on Sonny for cheating on her with Kate. Carly and A.J. snark at each other over their choices in romantic partners. A.J. also asks for information on the Quartermaine heir, but of course Carly won't give it. Tracy threatens to have Spinelli evicted if he doesn't get the relish recipe from Ellie. Starr and Ellie come up with the ingredients, but before Ellie can share them with A.J., they disappear. Elizabeth and Sabrina give each other love advice.

Why weren't Sam and McBain at Todd's trial? Why do the writers keep distancing them from a plot they were directly involved in??

Can Kate and Connie wear name tags, please?

God help me, Carly and A.J. crack me up.

There has to be something else going on with Spinelli – I doubt he would let Tracy get to him like that.

Yeah, I bet Sabrina's going to tell Patrick she's in love with him. Leave her alone, Elizabeth. This isn't high school.

Back together: Lucy Coe and Kevin Collins, Sonny Corinthos and Kate Howard
Left town: Steven Webber

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "Tracy, have you ever heard of proportional response?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Duke saying he wouldn't relish going back to jail (get it? "Relish"? Ha ha?)
Saddest moment: Olivia saying goodbye to Steven
Sweetest/cutest moment: I thought Molly's happiness over Kate's return was adorable
Least believable moment: Todd and Diane arrived two minutes before the trial began, there were no opening statements, and there was no on in the audience.
Hero of the week: Diane, for managing to get Todd freed
Most annoying character: Frisco
Smartest character: Starr, who apparently knows the scientific compounds for everything
Dumbest character: Can I say Scott without really having a reason?
Things we learned this week: 1. Georgie's birthday was March 6th.
2. Luke doesn't know what "gaslight" means.
3. Anna and Laura have never met.
4. Sonny's a really heavy sleeper (he didn't hear Kate yelling at Connie or breaking the mirror).

March 9th, 2013

Next week: I don't think you're getting your book back, Molly.

March 11th, 2013

Carly tries multiple times to resist Todd's advances, finally telling him she's moved on and is dating someone else. Because she hasn't thought this through, she has to tell him it's the first person she sees: A.J. Spinelli starts to give Tracy the formula, then changes his mind. He won't back down even when Tracy sics Alice on him, and ultimately ends the discussion by swallowing the formula. A.J. figures out that Tracy hired Spinelli to steal it, but Ellie's in denial. Spinelli tells her everything and is forgiven, but of course, he can't return the formula to her. Sabrina passes the second exam, and Epiphany now believes she was framed for cheating. Amazingly, Sabrina then finally tells Patrick about her crush. Molly, Shawn, and T.J. ask Sonny to talk to Kate about the book, so now Connie has more havoc to wreak.

Carly, you lack any kind of foresight, and I love you for it. And I can't believe Elizabeth didn't see that kiss.

Spinelli "realized" he was doing the wrong thing? So he was actually considering doing it? WHATEVER.

Alice isn't as intimidating now that she's lost weight.

Sabrina's spine is still in place! I didn't think she'd actually do it.

Sonny, please shave. You don't need a beard of angst anymore.

March 12th, 2013

Connie uses the book launch as a coming-out party of sorts, announcing that she's Connie again and denying that Molly wrote Love in Maine. (Molly may not want to claim it anymore anyway, since Connie's made it so racy.) Sonny's somehow already figured this out, and when he arrives at the launch, she calls him out as a cheater. A.J. plays along with Carly's lie, knowing he can use it as leverage to get her to do something for him (probably tell him about Lauren). Elizabeth sees A.J. and Carly kissing and decides that, yet again, she's made a bad romantic decision. Patrick has no response to Sabrina's revelation, and is surprised to hear from Epiphany that basically everyone else in town already knew she was in love with him.

I kind of wanted to read Love in Maine, but now that I know it's Fifty Shades of Maine, I've changed my mind.

If A.J. keeps bringing the snark, I won't miss Todd as much.

Hey, Sabrina, Elizabeth failed to mention that that married hitman she was in love with was A.J.'s BROTHER.

Yeah, Patrick really is pretty clueless. But he wouldn't be the first guy to be oblivious to a woman's feelings about him.

March 14th, 2013

A.J. agrees to Carly's deal, because he cares more about ELQ than hooking up with Elizabeth. Starr backs up Carly's story to Todd, but A.J. tells Michael the lie. Sonny tells Connie he loves both her and Kate, but he'll walk away if she doesn't get integrated. He talks her into it by promising to stay with her no matter what happens. Maxie has her first sonogram and almost tells Spinelli the baby's his. Connie comes clean about the book, and Molly's happy to have it back even though everyone likes the sex stuff more than the parts she wrote. T.J. is still awesomely supportive, making her a new cover with her name on it. Ellie sends Spinelli to get an endoscopy to retrieve the recipe (because I'm sure it'll be readable).

Max from five years ago would love that Carly wishes he'd walked in when she was looking for someone to kiss.

Missed opportunity of the day: not immediately cutting to Todd after Starr told Michael she was about to focus on lizards and snakes.

I don't think anyone's ever mentioned it, but I love the irony that Todd swapped a baby named Danny and also has a daughter named Dani.

Please tell me that awful book lady isn't going to come back. Burn her number, Mac!

March 15th, 2013

Todd keeps questioning Carly and A.J.'s relationship, even trying to bribe Josslyn to tell him if Uncle A.J. has been sleeping over. Still thinking Carly's lying, he sends over a stuffed bunny (supposedly from Jax) with a camera in it, which allows him to discover that the relationship is a fraud. Michael learns the same thing from Starr, so now Elizabeth's the only person who still believes it. Lucy revives the Nurses' Ball planning sessions, revealing that an anonymous donor has provided the funds. Rafe gets in a fight with some kids at his group home and runs away to McBain's, asking to live there. Spinelli gets Kevin to hypnotize Ellie to remember the secret ingredient. Sam puts a pox on Todd's house, which may have already taken hold, since Dani keeps calling and acting weird.

I wish Josslyn had taken the bunny out of the room so this could keep going. But I guess they have to wrap it up since they're taking my Todd away from me next week.

I'm going to guess that the anonymous donors are Jax and Brenda. They should have contacted them for help in the first place. They're rich, they were friends with Robin, and we know Brenda does charity work. I'm surprised their names never came up.

Rafe, you may live with McBain for one week. Then you have to find another home.

I'm surprised the hypnosis didn't unearth some long-lost traumatic memories. Also, can at least one person yell out, "The secret ingredient is people!"?

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): A.J. and Carly's pretend relationship; Alexis telling Connie that she won't be impressed by Milo's chest since she already has Shawn; Carly and Josslyn drawing on Todd's picture
Funniest moment (unintentional): "Steve's ab roller"
Saddest moment: Can't think of any
Sweetest/cutest moments: T.J. making Molly a new book cover; Sonny promising to stick with Connie no matter what
Least believable moment: Spinelli actually considered betraying Ellie
Hero of the week: Whoever saved the Nurses' Ball
Most annoying character: Elizabeth, who should really watch who she calls a slut
Smartest character: A.J., for playing along with Carly, knowing it would earn him a favor in return
Dumbest character: I feel like everyone involved in this relish plot is a little dumb
Unanswered question of the week: Who is the Nurses' Ball's anonymous donor?
Things we learned this week: 1. A.J. was Kappa Alpha Delta.
2. Don't eat paper.
3. McBain still lives in that freaking motel.

March 16th, 2013

Next week: Shut up, Scott! Let me enjoy my last moments with Todd in peace!

March 18th, 2013

A.J. tells Carly he's done with their charade, even if it means he doesn't get to find out who the Quartermaine heir is. Todd busts them, revealing the bunny camera, and A.J. takes the opportunity to jump ship. Todd finally gets serious and manages to get Carly to make out with him. Lulu and Dante host a sonogram-viewing party, where Lulu subverts Scott's plans by telling Laura that Luke and Anna broke up. Lulu gets a present from Bobbie, supposedly, but Luke thinks it's nefarious. Scott gives Laura an engagement ring and tries to get himself invited over to Dante and Lulu's. He ends up with Lucy instead, confessing that he's afraid Laura's only marrying him because she thinks Luke is off the market. Lucy encourages him to marry Laura immediately. McBain agrees to let Rafe live with him, but social services nixes the idea. McBain takes it personally and beats himself up for being a loser. Sam tries to encourage him and they end up kissing. Luke asks Dante to investigate Scott.

Dear kissing people, you may kiss for five days. Then your relationships (or whatever they are) are over.

Scott, don't take romantic advice from Lucy. Don't take ANY advice from Lucy, unless it's which shade of lipstick to wear.

Now we know where the real Ice Princess is – it's on Laura's finger.

Luke, don't ask Dante to go after Scott. Ask Spinelli. He actually knows how to do his job. Sheesh, why did everyone make bad decisions today?

March 19th, 2013

Carly doesn't want to get into another relationship that will inevitably go south, so she puts the brakes on things before she and Todd can make it back to the bedroom. Sam and McBain admit that they have feelings for each other, but they don't think they should broach anything. Luke thinks Bobbie's present is a bomb, and his paranoia is catching. A well-timed phone call from Bobbie lets Lulu know that the present is harmless, though later it makes Olivia lightheaded. Lulu announces to her parents that they're both single. After Laura leaves to meet Scott, Lulu tells Luke that she suspects the same thing Scott does: Laura's only marrying him because she thought Luke was taken. Scott can't get a marriage license, so Lucy bullies the mayor into giving him one. A.J. comes clean to Elizabeth, who agrees to give him another chance if he'll do a number with her at the Nurses' Ball. Starr gets a call summoning her out of Port Charles.

This may be the first time Carly's ever made a good decision. Note the date, because I doubt it'll ever happen again.

I'm sorry, there was a whole conversation between Sam and McBain about how they shouldn't be together, and no one mentioned that she's A FREAKING WIDOW? I mean, the outcome was still the right one, but come on. No mention of the fact that if Jason weren't dead (or "dead," whatever), she would be with him?

I...kind of want Olivia to be pregnant.

Elizabeth, whatever happens to you from here on out, you've brought it on yourself.

March 20th, 2013

Lulu urges Luke to talk Laura out of marrying Scott, but Luke knows better than to get involved. Then he learns that Scott and Laura are getting married that night, so he gets involved after all. Laura questions Scott's motives for wanting to get married immediately, but decides she still wants to marry the guy who lied to her and thinks she might still want to be with her ex. Olivia's fine, but she has a vision of the bear ringing at 7:00 and sends Dante home to make sure everything's okay. It's not – it's 7:00, the real bear is ringing, and Lulu's unconscious. Todd confronts Starr and Michael for not telling him the truth about Carly and A.J.'s fake relationship. Starr tells him she's pretty much reached the end of her rope with him. Michael urges her to let Todd fly her to L.A. (though she doesn't know why she has to go there) before he heads to Llanview to see Dani. McBain gets pulled back into the FBI for some top-secret case. Anna's surprisingly upset about it. Carly and Sam bond over their recent non-relationships. Lucy arranges Laura and Scott's wedding, somehow talking Kevin into being Scott's best man.

When will people learn: Always listen to Olivia.

'Bye, Todd! I'll miss you! Keep in touch! Don't ever change! LYLAS!

"I'll be back before you know it." Just keep jinxing yourself, Starr.

I still don't care about McBain either way, but "don't tell anybody – I stole a bunch of towels" was awesome.

Oh, you miss McBain, do you, Sam? Do you miss your dead husband? I mean, come on, writers. It's like that whole marriage never happened.

I did like Carly and Sam bonding, though. It's much better than when they're catty with each other for no reason.

March 21st, 2013

Dante finds Lulu unconscious, then gets knocked out by an unseen assailant. When he comes to, Lulu's gone. Luke tells Laura she deserves better than Scott but doesn't get the chance to tell her who she does deserve. Frisco tells Maxie he wants to win Felicia back. Unfortunately for him, Maxie is Team Mac. Ellie and Spinelli discuss a possible future together, but it's not a positive discussion, since she reveals that she doesn�t want children, while he does. I would have to put forth more effort than I'm willing to put forth to care less about Felicia, Anna, Mac, and Duke. Except when Mac hits Frisco, because that�s awesome.

Aw, I feel bad for Dante. It's not like he left to go do something bad. He was taking his mother to the doctor!

You know who can help look for Lulu? Nikolas, who's coming back. Three cheers for Cassadines!

I wonder how Ellie would feel about adoption? She wouldn't be bringing a child into an overpopulated world; she'd be taking in one who didn't have a family. And Spinelli could still have a Jackal, Jr. (Uh, another one.)

Apropos of nothing, but man, look at the muscles on John J. York!

March 22nd, 2013

The Spencers and Dante panic over Lulu's disappearance, which Luke still blames on Scott. Dante's drinking Luke's Kool-Aid and even threatens Scott with bodily harm if it turns out he was involved. Bobbie and Nikolas both return to Port Charles for moral support. While spreading the word about Lulu's disappearance, Lucy encounters Dr. Obrecht, who creeps her out by telling her some people aren't crazy, just evil. Fittingly, Dr. Obrecht then encounters someone truly evil: Britt, who happens to be her daughter. Maxie has a dream about Lulu confronting her over her baby lies. She swears that she and Spinelli don't want the baby. Spinelli hears her talking in her sleep about this but thinks she just misinterpreted his and Ellie's continued conversation over their own procreation plans. Epiphany hires Spinelli to investigate Britt's involvement in Sabrina's framing, and he turns up evidence that she planted the test answers in Sabrina's locker. Britt first reacts by threatening Epiphany, then tries to talk her out of turning the evidence over to Monica. It's Epiphany, so it doesn't work. Patrick won�t go to Sabrina's graduation, but Elizabeth and Felix both think he cares about her, citing the New Year's Eve near-kiss as proof.

Dominic Zamprogna for president! Okay, maybe not. How about just an Emmy?

I kind of wish I hadn't known Tyler Christopher was coming back, because that would have been a nice little surprise. But either way, I'm happy to see him.

So a doctor in Switzerland who has connections to Jerry and Faison happens to have a daughter in Port Charles? NO. I DO NOT BUY THIS. THIS IS STUPID. What's the point of Britt being Obrecht's daughter? Are they trying to explain why Britt is the way she is? Her mother's evil, so she turned out evil, too? NO. DUMB. SUPER-DUMB.

I wish I could wear butterfly wings out in public without looking crazy. (Or just evil?)

Back in town: Nikolas Cassadine, Lisa Obrecht, Bobbie Spencer
Kidnapped: Lulu Spencer-Falconeri
Left town: Starr Manning, Todd Manning, John McBain

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "Don't tell anybody – I stole a bunch of towels"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Olivia taking a moment out of her medical exam to remind Dante to send Bobbie a thank-you note
Saddest moment: Poor Dante worrying about Lulu
Sweetest/cutest moment: Childhood pictures of Lulu
Least believable moment: Britt is Obrecht's daughter
Hero of the week: Spinelli, for definitively proving Sabrina's innocence
Most annoying character: Britt, duh
Smartest character: Carly, for realizing that her past pretty much always dictates her future, so she should try to avoid bad relationships
Dumbest character: Britt, for thinking it's possible to go up against Epiphany and win
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who kidnapped Lulu?
2. Why is Dr. Obrecht back?
Things we learned this week: 1. Ellie doesn't want kids.
2. Spinelli does.
3. He also never knew his parents.
4. Dr. Obrecht is Britt's mother.

March 23rd, 2013

Next week: Someone is shot. Does the shooter take requests?

March 25th, 2013

Nikolas is in town to warn Lulu about something, not because he heard she was missing. He starts to tell Luke and Laura what's going on but is interrupted by a bullet to the chest. Dante begs Olivia to have a vision that will help him find Lulu. Of course, it doesn't work that way. Instead, police work leads Dante and Anna to the suspected shooter: Shawn. Obrecht really, really wants Britt to be with Patrick, and she has a plan to keep him and Sabrina apart. Also, apparently Britt's father is really scary. Patrick watches Robin's Christmas video again, then has flashbacks to all the times Sabrina was awesome. Emma tries to tip the scales in Sabrina's favor by texting him a picture of her and Sabrina, which convinces him to go to graduation. Felix is disappointed to learn that Milo has a crush on Sabrina.

I'm going to give the writers the benefit of the doubt and guess they didn't bring Nikolas back just to kill him. Talk about adding insult to injury. "Hey, Tyler, we're sorry you got fired. Can you come back for a couple days? By the way, how are you at death scenes?"

I'm also going to give them the benefit of the doubt and guess they don't expect us to really think Shawn would shoot his girlfriend's nephew. Especially since they ruined the suspense in the previews, with another shooter appearing, and Shawn shielding Anna.

Way to sum up the Spencer/Cassadine saga in 60 seconds, Dante. But I don't get how Anna could know who Nikolas is and not that he's Laura's son.

Wait, wait, wait. Are we supposed to think Obrecht helped fake Robin's death to free Patrick up for Robin? Because that's what it sounds like. Also, good luck trying to use her to garner sympathy for Britt, writers. She's still a horrible person.

March 26th, 2013

As Olivia has a vision of Shawn coming to the police station and pointing a gun, Shawn explains to Dante and Anna that he was around the building because Sonny asked him to keep an eye out for Lulu. The real shooter takes a shot at Anna, but Shawn shields her and takes a bullet in the shoulder. Dante chases the shooter, who returns to the scene of the crime, then takes cyanide so he won't be forced to say anything. Milo interrupts Patrick's attempts to share his feelings with Sabrina by asking her to the nurses' graduation party. Patrick decides it's fate. Epiphany decides he's an idiot. Sabrina decides she's ready to move on. Felix decides he's grumpy. Whatever Obrecht has planned, she wants to put it into motion at the ball. She also narrowly avoids being seen by Anna. Scott's annoyed that Laura doesn't want him at the hospital, especially since Luke is there instead. Alexis heads to the hospital to be with Shawn and learns that Nikolas is already there. (Also, Luke calls her Natasha, so that's awesome.)

Dear police officers: The bodyguard/ex-Marine is better at your jobs than you are. Just saying.

I've decided that from now on, when asking "what would Olivia do?" doesn't cut it, I'll ask myself what Epiphany would do.

Yeah, Scott, it totally sucks that Laura's hanging out with Luke instead of you while her son might be dying. SHUT YOUR FACE.

Aww, are they going to bring Lucas back and have him get together with Felix? I've thought for a while that that should happen.

March 27th, 2013

Luke tries to inject Nikolas with adrenaline to wake him up and get information on Lulu. Laura and Bobbie catch him, and Laura is TICKED, warning him never to try to sacrifice one of her children for another. Dante and Anna go to the Haunted Star to try to piece things together, but run into an obstacle in the form of the boat not being there. It turns out it was taken the night before, and the WSB thinks Lulu's on board. The boat is tracked to international waters, which means Anna can no longer head up the case, so she turns things over to Luke and Dante. Scott feels useless, because he is, so Lucy tells him to go to the hospital to be with her even though she said she wanted him to stay away. He arrives just after Luke and Laura's fight, but he still doesn't win, since Laura ditches him to go off with Luke and Dante. Luke and Laura head off in a helicopter, and we're in for a good, old-fashioned Spencer adventure. Milo wants to make sure Patrick doesn't have dibs on Sabrina, and Patrick is too stunned to claim them, so Milo thinks she's fair game. Felix is mad at Sabrina for stealing Milo from him, even though, as she points out, that was never going to work out. Carly and Lucy give them friendship advice, and Sabrina decides Milo isn't worth losing her best friend. But Felix would rather see Sabrina happy, so he arranges for her and Milo to go to the ball together. T.J. tells Shawn how worried he was after the shooting. The Davis girls (minus a conspicuously absent Kristina) try to celebrate his heroism, but he just wants some coffee.

Angry Laura scares me more than Helena.

$5 says the helicopter crashes.

Even though Felix was a jerk, I'm on his side: You don't go out with someone your friend likes. Yes, even if there's never going to be a relationship there.

Did Milo inherit Jason's wardrobe?

When you're taking friendship advice from Carly, your situation can't get any worse.

I know Lindsey Morgan is leaving, but have they already written Kristina off? They couldn't at least say she was at community service? Also, I'm sure Alexis and Shawn appreciate that Sam left Danny with them when she was trying to give them alone time.

March 28th, 2013

Lucy brings in Richard Simmons to choreograph the ball, but a fight over an '80s song makes him quit. Fortunately, there's a handyman present with some dance experience, and Molly can write a new song. Elizabeth talks Patrick into calling dibs. T.J. tells Milo to fight for his woman since nice guys don't usually win. Milo immediately turns into a not-nice guy, making Sabrina miss a call from Patrick, then deleting his voicemail. Tracy sneaks into Ellie's lab to steal the recipe but winds up giving her relationship advice instead, encouraging her to stand her ground on the kids issue. Then she goes to A.J.'s office and intercepts the delivery of the recipe test results. A.J. hires Spinelli to find Lauren, then tells him how awesome kids are and how Spinelli shouldn't change his mind for Ellie. Rafe shows up at the lakehouse, and Shawn tries to keep him from interfering in Molly and T.J.'s relationship.

All the little comments about the song had me giggling so much I embarrassed myself. I only wish A.J. had been there. At least when Richard Simmons asked who cares about Monica, A.J. would have said he did.

Also making me giggle: the legacy of Magic Milo. I especially liked Elizabeth gushing over him and Molly staring at him.

Why in the world is Tracy giving Ellie relationship advice? Why is she giving ANYONE relationship advice? Her last boyfriend was a rapist who helped to poison the city!

Oh, Shawn. Stay out of it.

March 29th, 2013

Luke and Laura find the Haunted Star and are immediately captured by Helena's goons. Helena herself is shocked to hear that Nikolas was shot and demands to speak to him. Laura calls Alexis, who relays that Nikolas is still unconscious but is stable. Helena threatens to kill her if that changes. Then she threatens to kill Laura, but it's okay because Dante's on his way. Mac and Frisco need to get a ruler. Felicia loves both of them, and they want her to choose, so here's hoping she pulls a Kelly Taylor. Maxie also wants her to choose, but she's less of a jerk about it. Ellie and Spinelli know they have little hope of a future together, but they don't want to break up yet. Elizabeth tells A.J. how she joined the Slept With Siblings Club. A.J. learns that Tracy intercepted his recipe.

I figured Helena (sidebar: yay, Helena!) was a red herring – I don't think she has Lulu. It's too easy. Plus, she wouldn't have Nikolas shot.

Did anyone else laugh at the Cassandra mention? Did...anyone else remember Cassandra?

That dummy is creepy. Starting out the episode with it just made me think Franco was back.

Okay, I really want to know if A.J. knows that Elizabeth and Jason had a child together. He needs to know before this goes anywhere.

Back in town: Richard Simmons
Injured: Shawn Butler, Nikolas Cassadine

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Epiphany's admiration of Milo; "Don't be silly – Felix likes boys!"; Epiphany stopping herself from using the word "epiphany"; all the ladies love Milo
Funniest moment (unintentional): "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it." Who wants to tell Obrecht she quoted Bill Cosby?
Saddest moment: Laura at Nikolas' bedside
Sweetest/cutest moments: T.J. telling Shawn how much he cares about him; Carly calling to check on Sam and Danny
Least believable moment: Luke got his hands on adrenaline
Hero of the week: Shawn!
Most annoying character: Scott, forever and ever
Smartest character: Shawn, for being more aware of his surroundings than anyone else on this show
Dumbest character: Frisco, who's been a spy for 35 years and still almost accidentally told Mac about the baby
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who's Britt's father?
2. Why does Obrecht want Britt and Patrick together so badly?
Things we learned this week: 1. Milo didn't graduate high school.
2. Emma knows how to text.
3. Nikolas lives in Italy.
4. Lesley hangs out there a lot.
5. "Heavy traffic leaves you vulnerable to ambush." Thanks, Milo!

March 30th, 2013

Next week: Audrey! Noah! Alan! Jax! Brenda! Rick Webber, somehow! NURSES' BALL!

Back to the main page