General Hospital blog - March, 2017

March 1st, 2017

The baby seems okay now, but Sam's in and out of consciousness. When she's awake, she keeps begging Jason to fulfill his promise to take the baby and go, but he keeps refusing to leave his wife. Eventually he carries them both to safety, because he's a superhero. Also, he may top off the day by punching Franco in the face. (Me: "Fight! Fight! Fight!") Carly has a hard time believing that Sonny and Nelle only slept together once, but she finally comes around. Sonny tries to get her to see how manipulative Nelle has been this whole time, which just makes Carly madder, since he should have said something to her. Nelle tells Michael that a friend of hers in Atlanta is sick, so she needs to go home. Michael the prince invites himself along, which Nelle decides is better than just leaving altogether; they'll have some time alone and she'll be able to explain things to him. Her one mistake is stopping by her apartment before they leave, and coming face to face with the two people she doesn't want to see. (Me: "Fight! Fight! Fight!") Alexis and Curtis tell Jordan that a) Olivia Jerome is alive, b) she killed Morgan, and c) she may have done something to Sam. Alexis calls Liv, pretending to be on the verge of drinking, so the police can track her phone. Liv catches on, and by the time they all get to her hideout, she and Julian are both gone. Monica calls Elizabeth back to work, but Franco isn't so lucky, as Monica's eliminating his position, allegedly for financial reasons. (I'm not saying she's lying; I'm just saying she's probably happy to have that excuse.) He decides he's willing to work as a janitor if it means he and his girlfriend can hang out more. Liv wants GH because there's something underneath it. No, I don't know what she's talking about.

I didn't notice yesterday but they did use the giant scarf as a baby blanket. Yay, giant scarf!

Yeah, have the barely conscious woman hold the newborn. That's a great idea. Jason, next time just call Curtis.

I know you're upset, Carly, but you don't get to call Nelle a slut when you've done everything she did, and more. And that was to your own mother.

If I'm supposed to be worried about Julian, it's not working.

March 2nd, 2017

Robin keeps Jason from punching Franco (boo!), then keeps him company while Sam undergoes surgery for bleeding. Things don't look good, and Jason doesn't know what he'll do if he loses his wife. Michael learns of Nelle's actions over the past few months, and the Corinthoses spend the hour yelling at her. Instead of admitting that she and Sonny didn't actually sleep together, she goes after Carly, saying Carly's to blame for her behavior. Tracy tries to treat Hayden and Finn to a celebratory dinner, but the couple is too cranky to enjoy it. Hayden tells Tracy about Finn's addiction, and now he has two women on his case about it. Franco tells Jake that Sam had the baby, and Jake guesses from his demeanor that Sam isn't doing well. He thinks it's because Helena cursed her, saying that after she died, bad things would happen to Sam. Laura wakes up in a parking lot at JFK Airport with no memory of what happened after she left the Metro Court restaurant. Kevin guesses that she was drugged so she would miss the vote. He's pleased that even though she was out of it, she texted him to come get her.

They finally cast a baby who actually looks like a newborn instead of a four-month-old.

Ugh, I don't want to see Jake have scenes with Franco that he should be having with Jason.

Helena put TWO curses on Sam? Isn't that overkill? Also, they sure took a long time to kick in.

Poor Laura. Not only does she not know what happened, but Tracy's probably going to yell at her.

March 3rd, 2017

Sam chills in a coma for little bit while Billy Miller cultivates his Emmy reel Jason talks about how strong she is and how he doesn't know how to go on without her. Alexis saves the day by bringing the baby to see her mother, immediately waking her up. Nelle confirms that her father is Frank Benson, and she's always believed that Carly pressured him into selling his daughter's kidney. Carly says that Frank tried to get money from her multiple times, but she told him to leave her alone. The Corinthoses point out that Nelle has spent years hating Carly, but after she spent months with her, she should have realized her father lied to her. Carly may not be happy with Sonny right now, but the one thing they can agree on is that Nelle messed with the wrong woman (and she's definitely not going to have Michael on her side when things get ugly). Robin decides not to jeopardize Anna's health by telling her that the person who ruined her life 27 years ago isn't dead after all. Jordan questions Ava about her sister, and Ava suggests that she talk to Anna, since Liv was obsessed with Duke. So much for Robin's attempts to keep the news from Anna, as Jordan breaks it to her that Liv may be alive. The woman in question stashes Julian in her trunk and goes to GH, where she runs into Griffin. She's furious that Julian never told her that Duke had a son, but she'll have to wait to deal with that, since Robin has just spotted her.

Shortest coma ever. Down in Hell, Helena's like, "Did ANY of my curses work?"

So...Nelle's going to leave now, right? Since she has no reason to stay in town anymore? Please? (She'd be smart to leave, really. She's not the least bit prepared to take on Carly. And she definitely doesn't have a job anymore.)

Why does Alexis think Julian, not Sam, was Liv's captive? I'm confused about how much she was told about Sam, since she didn't go to the hospital until after she was out of surgery.

Do you think Ava feels left out since her brother and sister were causing chaos without her?

Born: Scout (for now) Morgan
Hospitalized: Sam Morgan
Kidnapped: Julian Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Jordan: "I thought I told you two to stay in my office." Curtis: "You're always complaining I never listen to you, so this should be no surprise"
Funniest moments (unintentional): "Speak up or forever hold your peace." It's not a wedding, Sonny; Michael: "Do you have any proof?" Nelle: "I only have one kidney! That's my proof!"
Saddest moment: "I don't know how any of this works without Sam"
Sweetest/cutest moments: Jake saying he and Danny have already discussed it and they'll look after Scout; Jason and Alexis both saying Sam is their best friend
Least believable moment: Obrecht, who once kicked a homeless man out of the hospital because he didn't have insurance, is now worried about the needy
Best instances of continuity: The hospital was rebuilt in 2009; Sam's star necklace
Worst instance of continuity: No way does Jason, who once did an emergency medical procedure on Nikolas, not know what "coded" means. Alexis knows what it means!
Heroes of the week: Finn, Jason
Most annoying character: Nelle
Smartest character: Jason
Dumbest character: Nelle

The week in a nutshell:

March 6th, 2017

Griffin and Dante try but fail to talk Anna out of letting other people handle tracking down Liv. Anna guesses that Liv will target Robin next, but she's too late – Liv has chained Robin up in the hospital basement while she searches for the underground lab Helena used to resurrect Stavros a couple decades ago. Robin gently explains that that only worked because Stavros was a) not dead and b) not cremated, unlike Duke. Liv thinks they can use a lock of Duke's hair to bring him back to life, but that's not going to happen. Plan B: something involving Griffin, since he has some of Duke's DNA. The Llanview moratorium is lifted as Diane meets Nora Buchanan, befriending her before she realizes that Nora is opposing counsel in Charlotte's case. Nina's so annoyed with the Anna situation that she doesn't want to go to Charlotte's custody hearing, since she thinks she might cause problems for Valentin. When they learn of the couple's falling-out, Lulu and Laura have the same idea – take advantage of it to paint them as unstable caregivers. Laura takes it one step further, approaching Nina to offer a proposition. Franco and Elizabeth hear noises from a car trunk in the hospital parking lot and break in to find Julian. Anna guesses that Liv stashed him there, and a semi-conscious Julian tells her his sister's still in the hospital.

This just in: Liv doesn't know how science works. But she does have great taste in coats.

What do you think Kimberly McCullough said when she found out she was going to be involved in another resurrection storyline? Probably something like, "Really, they're doing another resurrection storyline?"

If only Anna had shown Griffin a picture of Liv so he would know what she looks like. Why am I smarter than the spy?

Nora, please don't encourage Diane to write another horrible book.

March 7th, 2017

Liv kidnaps Griffin so she can perform some sort of ritual with blood and a candle that will put Duke's soul in his body. (...Dude, I know.) Anna puts together from Julian's mumblings and Lucas' memory of the Cassadine lab under the hospital that Liv has gone underground. The two women fight, but Anna isn't at her full strength, and Liv draws blood, which could lead to Anna bleeding out. Just as Liv is about to finish her off, Griffin joins them, claiming to be Duke. While Nora comes up with a way to spin Nina's probable absence from the courtroom, Laura plants doubts in Nina's head that Valentin wants her for anything other than to make himself look like a more stable parent. She presents a deal: If Nina goes to court and testifies that her marriage is a sham, Laura will make sure she can still see Charlotte when she's with Lulu. Alexis yells at Julian for not telling her about Liv, and letting a dangerous liar be her sponsor. She plans to get into the safe-deposit box, like, Alexis, don't you have more important things to deal with right now? Jordan and Andre waste some time looking into Liv's past psychological problems, which include breaks from reality. (The audience: "You don't say.")

I don't know why, exactly, or how it's even possible, but somehow, Griffin-as-Duke is even hotter than normal. Here's hoping he's faking to steer into the crazy, because the alternative is too weird for me to handle. And I say this as a devoted Supernatural fan.

"His killer is walking around, free." Well, no. Duke's killer was Carlos, who's dead. (...Allegedly.) If you're talking about the guy who ordered the hit, then you should have killed Julian when you had the chance, Liv.

I'm scrapping my prediction that Julian's going to die. Now I think Griffin might.

If nothing else, the Anna/Liv flashbacks are showing how beautifully Finola Hughes and Tonja Walker have aged.

Oh, hey, Valerie, who I forgot was on this show.

March 8th, 2017

Griffin is, thank goodness, just playing along, pretending to be Duke so Liv will calm down and let Anna go. When that doesn't work, and Liv says she wants to kill Anna, Griffin says he should be the one to do it. Liv's already gone around the bend, imagining that Griffin is Duke, and she doesn't see anything wrong with handing over the gun. Still, she has an ace up her sleeve, telling Anna and Griffin they can't do anything to her because she's the only one who knows where Robin is. Jordan has the hospital searched and insists to Julian that Liv, Anna, and Griffin aren't there. Julian: "What part of 'under the hospital' don't you understand?" She's about to find the hidden tunnel when she learns that Rudge came by to try to kill Julian to tie up Liv's loose ends. Felix inadvertently prevents this, then spots Rudge lurking around later. Jordan calls a lockdown on the hospital and follows Rudge to the tunnel, but she's knocked out before she can go in. Laura's plan fails, as Nina testifies that she and Valentin are super in love, and perfect parents for Charlotte, and Lulu is a meanie who wants to ruin that. Diane tries a hail Mary pass, alleging that, by keeping Charlotte from Lulu for years, Valentin kidnapped her. This doesn't work either, but the hearing isn't a total loss, as the judge wants Charlotte to talk to a psychiatrist so her opinion will be considered. Lulu tries not to freak out about that, since obviously Charlotte's going to say negative things about her. Carly stops by Nelle's apartment to hand over her last paycheck and tell her good riddance. Nelle still believes that Frank tried to reach out to Carly over the years because he wanted a relationship, not just money. She shows Carly that she kept all the letters Frank sent that Carly sent back unopened. Carly repeats that she had nothing to do with Frank's decision to sell Nelle's kidney, and doesn't know who organized the transplant. Nelle decides to hold off on leaving town for now. Sonny apologizes to Michael for all the Nelle stuff, but Michael thinks he should really be apologizing to Carly. He also has the same problem Carly did about Sonny not telling anyone that he knew she was being manipulative. Sonny pulls an anti-Griffin, asking Michael not to forgive Nelle and let her back in his life.

Imagine being the person who had to explain to Ian Buchanan why he needed to come back for a day.

Freaking A, Jordan, why does it take you so long to catch on? Anna, too, really. Griffin wanted you to leave so you could go get the police, genius.

Thanks a lot for accidentally saving Julian, Felix! I mean, hey, how are you?

IT'S A LOCKDOWN, Y'ALL. I love lockdowns.

*Santino-as-Tim-Gunn voice* What happened to Robin?

I don't think it's so much a question of whether Laura will kill Nina, but when and how.

March 9th, 2017

Anna passes out before she can make Liv talk, and since Griffin can't bring himself to shoot Liv, she escapes. Word slowly spreads around the hospital that Liv was there, and now isn't, and then that she did something to Robin. She also did something to an elevator – namely, there's a bomb in it. No one bothered to tell Josslyn about the Nelle debacle, so she's confused when Nelle cancels their plans and says they can't be friends anymore. Carly won't tell her what happened, but Josslyn's smart enough to figure it out. Carly repeats Sonny's pleas for Michael not to forgive Nelle, and though he says he's mad at her, he also understands her desire to get revenge. However, when he runs into Nelle, he tears into her for going after Carly even though she was already suffering after losing Morgan. Kiki apologizes to Ava for thinking she might have been involved in Morgan's death. They discuss the mess with Liv, who later shows up to meet her sister for the first time. Brad whines to Finn about not seeing any of the money from the patent sale, because he would rather be rich than keep a hospital open and help people. Finn doesn't think Brad will rat him out for his addiction, since Lucas would probably leave him. Instead, Brad tattles to Griffin, who's not going to let Finn get away with practicing medicine while in withdrawal. Four-and-a-half years after first expressing her desire to have a daughter named Emily, Sam makes her dream come true, naming the baby Emily Scout Morgan. Jason decides to skip out on an adventure for once and not pursue Liv, but he's obviously right on the edge of changing his mind.

I love that Dante couldn't hide how ridiculous he found Liv's scheme.

"You're my mother. I should have had more faith in you." Kiki, do you have selective amnesia?

Brad, maybe be nicer to the guy who saved your job. Also, shut up. (I'm fine with him telling Griffin to stop Finn, though. Possibly Brad's first-ever smart move.)

I was going to throw a huge tantrum if they didn't name the baby Emily, so...good. I have been appeased.

March 10th, 2017

Jason gets antsy about the Liv situation and, while he's off looking for information, learns that Robin's missing, so now he's fully invested. Anna realizes that Robin's in one of the out-of-order elevators, and when the doors are pried open, everyone sees that she's standing on a pressure-sensitive bomb. A discussion ensues over who whether someone will take her place, and when Jason learns that Robin's pregnant, he stops listening to her pleas for him to just leave her there. He Indiana Joneses the bomb while Jordan (who's just now finding out about Liv's escape, since she spent the last episode unconscious) calls the bomb squad and evacuates the hospital. Alexis happens upon the scene and keeps it from Sam, but once everyone's outside, Anna tells her what her husband's up to. The bomb squad is on the roof for faster entry into the hospital, so Jason decides to ride the elevator up to meet them. Curtis invites himself along, because he's awesome. Elsewhere in town, the cause of all this mayhem makes Ava call Julian and get him to come home, but when he arrives, Liv has taken off again, apparently to do something to Alexis. Griffin is so mad at Finn that he throws him against a wall and threatens to turn him in to Monica. He leaves to take care of a patient, and Elizabeth catches Finn as he's about to steal meds. She rats him out to Hayden, using her own experiences in a relationship with an addict to plead with Hayden to keep her distance. For some reason, Hayden acts like she's ignoring her, but once she and Finn are alone, she tells him if he doesn't get clean, she'll get him fired. They'll have plenty of time to discuss this, since they're stuck in a lockdown ward and don't make it out during the evacuation. Also still inside are Elizabeth, who can't get Griffin to evacuate with everyone else since he would have to leave a patient who can't be moved.

I loved this episode so much, especially after a relatively dull February sweeps month. I'm even willing to overlook the fact that they did the same plot with the bomb as they did with Luke, Ethan, and a landmine.

Does anyone on this show know what a fire alarm means?

As someone pointed out, Curtis is literally ride or die, to the point where it could be ride AND die.

Might as well get yourself blown up, Jason, because if you survive, Sam might kill you.

Kidnapped: Robin Scorpio Drake, Griffin Munro
New in town: Nora Buchanan

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Alexis: "I'm talking about the good Olivia, not the bad Olivia"
Funniest moment (unintentional): The way Liv said "Stavros"
Saddest moment: Josslyn thinking she did something to make Nelle dislike her
Sweetest/cutest moment: Monica being so touched that Sam and Jason named the baby Emily
Least believable moment: In the middle of the Liv situation, Ava was released from lockup
Best instances of continuity: Diane wrote a book about Spinelli; Sam wanted a daughter named Emily back in 2012; Elizabeth knows the signs of addiction because of Lucky
Worst instance of continuity: Sam almost died two days ago and is, like, 95 percent fine now
Hero of the week: Jason
Most annoying character: Brad
Smartest characters: Laura (even though it didn't work), Griffin
Dumbest character: Every cop at the hospital who didn't find Robin or Jordan

The week in a nutshell:

March 13th, 2017

Liv takes Alexis to a bridge (the same bridge as before? Dunno), using her as bait to lure Julian there. Her plan is to make Julian kill Alexis so he'll feel how she did when he killed Duke. She's stupid enough to give Julian a gun, which he uses to shoot off Alexis' handcuff so she can escape. Brother and sister fight over the gun, and Julian becomes the third Jerome in two years to go over the side of a bridge. (Hey, there was a bomb in that episode, too! Let's try something a little more creative, writers.) Curtis refuses to leave Jason's side, because he's the world's best wingman, so the bomb squad lets the two of them cut wires and save the day. Outside, Sam takes her frustration out on Franco, taunting that now he knows what it's like to wait helplessly while someone he cares about is in danger. Of course, everything's fine, and once again, two non-cops did the job cops were supposed to do. Sonny and Carly run into each other at Morgan's grave and fight for a little while. Ava calls Carly to ask if she can see Avery, and Carly grows furious over the fact that Ava's no longer in lockup. Ava explains the Liv situation, actually trying to defend her sister since she didn't mean to kill Morgan. Carly's like, "Well, when I kill her, I'll mean it." Hayden nurses Finn through withdrawals, changing her mind about ditching him while he's in recovery. Elizabeth promises to keep his addiction quiet as long as he takes a leave of absence from the hospital. Jordan and Curtis are totally going to get together.

My guess is that Julian will turn up later in the week, alive, but before then, Alexis will decide she still loves him. Ugh.

"Hey, random civilian, go ahead and disarm this bomb for us." Way to earn your paychecks, bomb squad.

Jason giving Curtis the credit for the save is adorable.

Giving the baby to Epiphany was an A+ decision. Yelling at Franco...maybe not so much, but I'll allow it.

However, Franco legitimately made me laugh TWICE today: 1) when Hayden hugged Elizabeth and he said, "This is weird," and 2) when Finn refused the wheelchair, so Franco said, "Hey, Elizabeth, I brought you a wheelchair."

March 14th, 2017

Liv decides to complete one more task before fleeing Port Charles with Rudge. Unable to find her, Sonny focuses on Rudge, getting his photo from Curtis and having Max track him down. While Sonny ambushes Rudge on the bridge, Liv goes to "her" grave and takes the plaque with her name on it. She runs into Carly, who's not about to let her leave Port Charles alive. Jake starts talking about Helena's curses again, claiming that that's the only thing he remembers about his time with her. Then he stares off into space and recites the end of Jake's Adventure, where Helena told him to never forget and never tell. Elizabeth and Franco decide to do some art therapy with him to finally find out what happened to him in Greece. Lulu and Laura turn to Kevin for help with the custody hearing, hoping he can exert some influence over whichever psychiatrist is asked to evaluate Charlotte. Kevin basically tells Lulu to chill because the psychiatrist won't necessarily take whatever Charlotte says about her at face value. Ugh, the Curtis/Jordan/Andre triangle is back, and Andre's still mad at Curtis, though he thinks that Curtis is going to screw things up and lose Jordan. Ava has some completely unnecessary scenes, I think just to make it look like Jordan's doing stuff.

I kind of want Liv's storyline to end with her being sent to Darkham and meeting Heather. Then in a few months, they can break out and wreak havoc together.

How is Elizabeth not more concerned about the fact that Jake doesn't remember, like, three years of his life? Why has she ignored the whole situation for MORE THAN A YEAR?

Elizabeth gets one begrudging point from me for taking a picture of Emily to for Jake. But I'm already taking the point back, since she's letting Franco help Jake without telling Jason, and there's no way that's going to end well.

Spencer women, please stop trying to get Kevin to do unethical things.

March 15th, 2017

Liv begs for her life, but Carly's laser-focused on getting justice for Morgan and punishing his killer. Sonny figures out where Liv went and stops Carly from killing her, promising that she'll suffer. He turns her over to the police, which is what Liv was hoping for, but considering Dante's a police officer, that's not going to be pleasant for her. Jordan takes Ava to the PCPD to get her statement, which is basically that Liv is crazy and wants Julian dead. Alexis arrives and announces that she may have already succeeded. The police go to the bridge and find Rudge, who Sonny knocked out, as well as Julian's jacket and some blood. Jordan's pretty sure that Julian didn't survive being shot at close range and falling into icy water. I start compiling a list of people who have survived exactly that, though the list really doesn't need to go beyond Ava, who's standing right there. Dillon's a little worried that Kiki will get tired of him now that she doesn't need someone to lean on thanks to her crazy (and growing crazier by the day) family. She makes it pretty clear that that's not going to happen. Monica is seeing someone and thinks Tracy should get herself a boyfriend, too. Tracy then gets a letter from Ashton, who really needs to talk to her. Tracy figures he just wants money and tears up the letter, but since the camera zooms in on it, it's probably important.

I'm not saying Carly should have killed Liv, but the only witness was someone who can't be forced to testify against her, so she totally would have gotten away with it.

Gee, Jordan, why do you think Sonny might go looking for the woman who killed his son? You've lived here for three years. You know this.

There are 80 rooms in the Quartermaines' mansion; why does everyone make out in the den with the door open?

Dillon: "This is my aunt's house; my uncle bought it for her." Kiki: "Okay." She used to live there; I'm sure she's heard it before.

I'm going to miss Tracy/Monica scenes when Jane Elliot leaves.

March 16th, 2017

Andre evaluates Charlotte and recommends that she stay with Valentin but have regular, supervised visits with Lulu. The judge agrees and sends Charlotte home with her father and Nina, who have officially made up. Lulu's extremely disappointed, but as Dante and Diane point out, at least she'll still get to see her daughter. Sam is less than bereaved over Julian's possible death, and concerned that Alexis is looking for excuses for the things he did to her. Alexis thinks she'll get some answers from his safe-deposit-box letter. Franco's sneaky art therapy gets Jake to draw a the lab where he was cloned? To the room where the real Jake is being held? To the cryogenic chamber where Helena's body is being kept alive? Who knows? Elizabeth and Griffin chat, and I'm not sure what the point was, but it was kind of nice. Elizabeth further shows that she's capable of being a decent human being by giving Sam a baby book.

I'm in Sam's camp – Julian's motives aren't as important as his actions. He could have told Alexis was going on instead of traumatizing her.

"A lot can happen in six months"? Your threats need a little work, Laura.

Can I be there when Jason finds out that Jake's alone with Franco all day?

I'm going to start shipping Elizabeth and Griffin now, if anyone would like to join me. (Even though he deserves better.)

March 17th, 2017

Liv still seriously thinks she could have brought Duke back, though he would have been wasted on Anna, since she didn't hold on to him when he was alive. She gets under Anna's skin by claiming she knows a secret about her, then says she was just kidding. Alexis and Olivia both read Julian's safe-deposit-box letter, which blames Liv for all of his actions. Neither is sure that they can believe it, which says a lot about Julian's honesty and true nature, doesn't it? Olivia tells Alexis that she'll have to decide how she wants to remember her ex. Ava's mad that Sonny ever blamed her for Morgan's death, even as she remembers that he could eventually find out about the pill swap. She tells Scott that the only way to ensure her safety is for him to get the pills from Lucy. Dante: "Now that the Jeromes are no longer a threat, maybe leave the mob?" Sonny: "...Nah." Jason points out to Carly that, with Morgan's killer behind bars, she can really start to heal, and she should think about doing that with Sonny. Anna and Felicia talked about something, but they stupid press conference in the middle of the episode wiped it all out.

Liv, I don't think "I didn't mean to kill him; I was trying to kill someone else" is going to work as a defense. Just ask Johnny.

By playing the I Know a Secret card, Liv proves that she's definitely Heather 2.0.

Thank you, Olivia (the good one), for making some excellent points about Julian, especially that he could have been honest with Alexis.

It's been so long since they visited the pill storyline that I had to look up what was going on when we last heard about it.

Arrested: Liv Jerome, Winston Rudge
Kidnapped: Alexis Davis
Presumed dead: Julian Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Franco (while Hayden was hugging Elizabeth): "This is weird"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sonny: "I've got nothing but love for the justice system"
Saddest moment: Lulu not winning custody
Sweetest/cutest moment: Elizabeth showing Jake a picture of Emily and giving Sam a baby book
Least believable moment: After the bomb was defused, Sam didn't wonder where Alexis was
Best instance of continuity: Ava knows that Julian could have survived being shot and falling off a bridge, since she survived the same thing
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Heroes of the week: Curtis and Jason
Most annoying character: N/A
Smartest character: Good Olivia
Dumbest character: Bad Olivia

The week in a nutshell:

March 20th, 2017

Anna wants to go back to her Valentin investigation, but Andre thinks she should chill for a while. Later, Valentin comes by to tell Anna to leave him and his family alone, or he'll (and I'm reading between the lines here, but I'm pretty sure this is what he's getting at) kill her. Lulu has a hard time seeing Valentin, Charlotte, and Nina together, especially when she's restricted from seeing her daughter. Laura cautions her to be patient, though she herself doesn't have to be. She has some sort of plan in the works to get Valentin busted for something illegal so Lulu can have Charlotte all to herself. Charlotte needs a new nanny, and guess which recently fired person with childcare experience is interested in the job? (In case you're not catching on, I mean Nelle.) Sonny and Carly fight again, and she almost gives in to his charms to let it all go, but she doesn't think they'll ever stop screwing things up. Finn struggles to find a spot in rehab, but just as he gets one, he finds a vial of medication he didn't realize he still has. He turns down rehab and heads for a relapse but accidentally breaks the vial. Tracy pressures Hayden to go be with him, but he told her he wanted to go through treatment alone, so Hayden gives him space. Tracy made no such agreement, so she goes to see him and finds the broken vial. Nelle tries to blame Bobbie for the implosion of Carly's life, since Carly never would have found out about the "affair" if Bobbie hadn't told her. Bobbie and I both tell her to shut up.

Anna should get $5 every time someone reminds her that she has a chronic illness.

Valentin: "Can I come in?" Anna: "What if I say no?" Then we'll find out once and for all if he's a vampire.

I liked our little vacation from Nelle. I wish it weren't already over.

Nice try, Bobbie, but you're just not that intimidating. Maybe take some lessons from Laura.

March 21st, 2017

Carly wonders if the Nelle situation is karma for what she did to Bobbie. Bobbie reassures her, adding that she has no obligation to forgive Nelle. Nina's ready to bring Nelle on board when Carly and Bobbie tell her exactly why she was fired. Nina proceeds anyway, willing to take the risk that Nelle will betray her, possibly with her husband. Anna tells Valentin to prove that he wants a truce by telling her what she's forgotten. He still won't do it, even when he learns of her illness and expresses genuine sympathy. Stuck without any answers, Anna asks Obrecht for help. No, really. No, REALLY. Hayden appreciates Elizabeth's input on being in a relationship with an addict, even as Elizabeth cautions that she may not be the one who helps Finn the most. Tracy confronts Finn, bugging him about rehab and asking Hayden for support. He mocks her for her bad track record with relationships, which have led to her being alone. Tracy turns this around on him, noting that he's on the path to ending up like her. Finn finally calls Hayden and asks her to help him through his recovery. Michael beats himself up for not seeing through Nelle's scheme, as if he was the only one who failed to. Dante will support whatever decision he makes – forgiving her or not – but he wants Michael to make it for himself, not out of loyalty to his family.

The language Anna used about the kill order ("issued in my name") makes me wonder if someone else gave it and framed her for it.

If you look up "contrivance" in the dictionary, the first example is Anna calling Obrecht for help.

Dude. Finn. Not a good look.

Once they start getting along better, I think the Elizabeth/Hayden sibling relationship could be really entertaining.

March 22nd, 2017

Anna wants Obrecht to get in touch with Faison so she can ask him if he knows anything about Valentin from his time in the WSB. Obrecht will only help if Anna clears a path for Faison and Britt to come back to the country. Anna's not willing (or, probably, able) to do that, so she tells Obrecht that Nathan could be in danger if Valentin goes unchecked, since Nathan would go up against him if things with Nina fall apart. Obrecht appears to buy this, as she calls either Faison or Britt. Griffin goes to a competency hearing to see if Liv is fit to stand trial. She seems to think he's Duke again, then mentions that he looks like his father but not his mother. Before Griffin can find out what she means, Nora interrupts, arguing that her client is fragile and Griffin needs to leave her alone. The ensuing hearing backs her up, and Liv is sent to Darkham. Anna thinks Liv had this in the works all along; she's faked mental problems before (not that she really needs to, know), and this will keep her out of prison. A secret conversation between Valentin and Nora reveals that Valentin and Liv are associates, and he paid Nora to get her sent to Darkham. Laura's annoyed that Kevin thinks the judge made the right decision about Charlotte. He's worried that she'll do something dumb while trying to bring down Valentin, but rather than try to talk her out of it, he asks to participate. Laura runs into Nelle and Charlotte, and asks Michael questions about Charlotte's new nanny. Michael diplomatically tells her that she had a falling-out with the Corinthoses but will be good for Charlotte. Laura tells Lulu about the arrangement, adding that she thinks they can use Nelle to their advantage. Lulu complains to Dillon about the situation with Charlotte, not listening when he points out that at least she didn't suffer Maxie's fate when Lil' Georgie was a baby. Michael's surprised that Nelle's sticking around, but she wants to work toward making amends, at least with him.

Me at the 45-minute mark: "Awww, yeah, Liv's going to Darkham." Me at the 59-minute mark: "Awww, crap, she and Valentin know each other."

It's pretty much moot now, but why wasn't Liv charged with kidnapping Alexis, trying to kill Sam, and possibly killing Julian?

Dear show, please don't bring back Faison. And especially don't bring back Britt.

"No one thinks that you're the bad guy, Lulu." Dillon doesn't read the same sites I do.

March 23rd, 2017

Jordan thinks Liv had an accomplice, and she's happy to try to track him down using all the information Rudge has given the police. As Liv is about to be taken to Darkham for the rest of her life, Sonny lets her know that, when she least expects it, he'll have her killed. Hayden's all in on helping Finn, even though he won't go to rehab and thinks being tied up while he finishes withdrawal is a good plan. Tracy complains that Olivia turned down Ned's proposal, which is weird since she doesn't want them to get married anyway. Then suddenly Ashton is back in town, wanting Tracy to pursue some money-making scheme with him. She turns him down, so he tries to change her mind by mentioning Edward. Ned warns his mother not to give in to the one weakness Ashton knows she has. Jordan's so impressed with Curtis' work during the bomb situation that she's ready to discuss letting him join the force. Specifically, she'd like to discuss it over dinner. Sonny and Carly's problems make the Morgans even more grateful for their family. Elizabeth asks Franco to move in, so Jason should enjoy his current happiness while he can.

Time to shave the angst beard, Sonny.

I don't think having Finn sit around in wet clothes is going to accomplish what Hayden wants it to.

If Jordan were any more transparent, she would be a ghost.

Parents everywhere are throwing things at their TVs, objecting that both Morgan kids are peacefully asleep at the same time with no hassle.

March 24th, 2017

Sonny complains that Carly's still mad at him, especially since she did bad stuff to him, too. (Imagine him saying that in a really whiny voice, because that's how I think of his attitude.) Carly asks for more time, but Sonny decides it's better to just walk away. A picture of a scarecrow turns up on Jake's artwork from his session with Franco, but Jake says he didn't draw it. Elizabeth thinks it's from Jake's Adventure, and Helena could have put triggers all through the book that refer to things that happened to Jake. She decides it's time to get Jason involved in the situation. Molly and Kristina read Julian's letter; Kristina thinks it's all bull but Molly thinks it could be true. Kristina uses her experience with Kiefer to remind Alexis that she can't justify Julian's treatment of her just because he's dead. Alexis just wants time to deal with her sadness, and also, a drink. Finn claims he's feeling a lot better, so Hayden can free him from the chair she taped him to. Hayden's hesitant, which turns out to be good, because he lashes out at her both verbally and physically. In another smart move, Hayden summons Curtis for help. Jason tells Curtis that if he goes to work at the PCPD, their partnership will have to end. The two reluctantly part ways but will probably remain friends, if the writers know what's good for them. I really don't know how Sam and Jason are awake enough to have a coherent conversation, let enough several.

Sonny and Carly, stop having fights in public. We're all uncomfortable now.

I can't believe Julian hasn't turned up yet. He must be unconscious somewhere.

I loved that Kristina said Julian had to have known that Alexis loved him because he's a narcissist and must have assumed it.

Usually I think Michael Easton is fine, but he did some scenery-devouring work today.

Back in town: Larry Ashton

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Charlotte pretending to choke when Nina put a necklace on her; Curtis: "You know, you're not that much of a bad-a$%." Jordan: "Stop talking about my a$%"; Alexis: "I will get a sponsor tonight – hopefully one that isn't a deranged killer." Molly: "It really is best when they aren't." Kristina: "Hey, to each her own"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sam and Jason changing "hell yeah" to "heck yeah" when they noticed Danny was nearby
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sonny telling Scout she can always come to him when she needs help
Least believable moment: Anna calling on Obrecht for help
Best instance of continuity: The DVX was the WSB's rival organization
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Curtis
Most annoying character: Lulu
Smartest character: Hayden, but also...
Dumbest character: Hayden

The week in a nutshell:

March 27th, 2017

Carly confides in Sam that she thinks her marriage might be over. Sam thinks that no one else can handle Sonny, so Carly might as well stick with him. Okay, that might not be exactly what she said, but it's pretty close. Elsewhere, Laura advises Sonny not to give up on his marriage unless he's absolutely sure it can't be repaired. Despite not hearing that, Carly seems to be operating under the same idea. Scott tries to use Serena to convince Lucy not to tell Sonny and Carly about the pills, since Serena dislikes drama, which is probably the reason she hasn't come to visit. Lucy realizes that, unlike Scott, Sonny's always been her friend, so she owes it to him to tell him about the pills. Jason thinks things with Jake are fine, then accuses Franco of messing with him to mess with Elizabeth. Elizabeth is barely able to keep the peace between the two, especially when Jason hints that he'll seek more custody of Jake if Franco's going to be spending so much time with Elizabeth. Franco tells Elizabeth that he doesn't care what Jason thinks of them, but Elizabeth needs him on her side to deal with whatever's going on with Jake. She decides they need to hold off on living together until Jason calms down. Alexis falls (jumps? Dives?) off the wagon and hallucinates Julian. Ava pays a visit and busts her, lecturing her for not honoring Julian's "sacrifice" (whatever) by staying sober. I'm not sure how Laura plans to use Nelle to Lulu's advantage, but she seems optimistic about it.

"Your opinion is the only one that counts." Well, you're right, Sam, but don't ever say that to Carly again, for all of our sakes.

I hope Scott and Lucy's conversation is paving the way for Serena to come back. I need her to get involved with either Michael or Kristina, so Scott and Sonny will freak out about their children dating.

Wow, Sonny still has a landline. What does Brick think about that?

Why does Ava care if Alexis drinks? She doesn't even like her.

I'm possibly unreasonably annoyed with Jason for leaving Sam alone with the baby for so long, to the point where she called her mother for help. This is his only child he's gotten to take care of as a baby; he needs to actually do it.

March 28th, 2017

Faison's intel says that Valentin was blamed for a disastrous mission based on classified information he supposedly gave to the DVX as a double agent. Anna was really the double agent, but she thinks she and Valentin were both lied to. When she presents her theory to Valentin that someone posed as her to get him to flip, he insists that she asked him for the information directly – right after they slept together. Ava interrupts Lucy before she can say anything about Morgan, then pretends Lucy came to talk to the Corinthoses about the Nurses' Ball. Lucy runs with this, using the opportunity to blackmail Ava into funding the ball. Sonny complains again that Carly isn't forgiving him fast enough, which doesn't help her attitude at all. She has problems with his habit of keeping things from her and wanting everything his way, and she's not willing to let it go anymore, so they may be done. Alexis hallucinates Julian telling her to stop drinking and believe his letter. She's not sure about the latter, but she does the former, pouring out the rest of her liquor. Ashton tells Tracy that he came across a $20 million painting of Edward's in Turkey, and he'll split the sale with her. Tracy vows to find it herself, and it's lucky that the very next person she sees is Ava the art expert. It's also lucky for Ava, who needs the money to give to Lucy. Olivia wants Ned to adopt Leo, which Ned points out is kind of ridiculous if they're not going to make a commitment to each other. He tells her he's going to propose again on their date that night, and whatever her response is, he'll accept it as her final answer. Valentin offers to share the Cassadine estate with Alexis and her family, claiming he wants to connect with his relatives. Alexis isn't interested. Laura advises Lulu to befriend Nelle so they can use her as an ally/spy.

Am I supposed to be surprised that Anna and Valentin slept together? Because I'm not. Also, we've seen people masquerade as Anna before, so who says it was really her?

Normally I'm pro-Sonny/Carly, but he's being a jerk, so good for her for leaving him.

"Another art-related storyline! Yay!" said no one.

Like they're really going to do an adoption storyline for a kid we haven't seen in a year.

March 29th, 2017

Even though Anna doesn't remember pulling a honeypot scam on Valentin, then giving away his classified intel, she thinks he's telling the truth about what happened. Griffin's suggestion that he has her confused with someone else gives her an idea. Nina asks Griffin to tell Anna to stay away from Valentin, which is funny for multiple reasons (mostly because Nina thinks Anna would listen). Griffin points out that if Nina can trust her husband as much as she says she can, she shouldn't have any problem with him talking to Anna. Valentin tells Nina about his talk with Anna, admitting that he thinks she really doesn't remember the situation. Nina offers to help him find out what really happened. Ava helps Tracy find the auction house dealing with Edward's painting, and Laura (who happens to speak Turkish) helps her find out its name and learn that it was returned to the seller. Tracy wants to go to Turkey to get more information, and she wants to take Laura along as her translator. Ava takes Tracy's checks straight to Lucy, along with a sculpture worth tons of money. Lucy's hesitant about the deal but seems to accept. Just then, two masked men come into the Floating Rib to hold up its customers. Also at the Floating Rib: Olivia loves Ned and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, but she doesn't see the point in making it official with a wedding. Ned considers this a deal-breaker, for some reason. Jordan finally offers Curtis a job, but he wants to remain a PI. On the other hand, the two of them are totally going to get together. Like, soon. Maxie's in Portland for a few months, and Nathan isn't sure what that means for their relationship. Amy...something. I don't know and I don't care.

I know Tracy and Laura have been on good terms for a while but it's still weird to me.

Oh, good, another B.S. reason for Ned and Olivia to break up yet again. Easy money says he'll be injured in the hold-up and she'll be so shaken up by almost losing him that she'll change her mind and accept his proposal.

So Curtis is choosing working with Jason over working with Jordan. Now THAT is a plot twist.

Hold up. Amy and Kristina live together? Really?

March 30th, 2017

The Floating Rib robbers demand everyone's valuables, but Olivia refuses to give them her would-be engagement ring, since it belonged to Lila. Even after Ned tells her to let it go, Olivia's willing to take a bullet to allow him to keep it. Just as she's about to, Ned rushes to her rescue. Fortunately, Jordan has arrived in time to take down the robbers, and no one gets hurt. Ned decides to back off of pressuring Olivia, but she's so shaken by the thought of not having a future with him that she proposes. Someone tell Tracy that she's about to have another daughter-in-law from Bensonhurst. Morgan's pills end up in a bag of things the robbers wanted to steal, and Jordan takes them into police custody, so sucks to be Ava. Kiki urges Elizabeth to ignore Jason and do whatever she wants. Elizabeth makes it clear that her kids are the most important people in her life, and she'll do anything to keep them close, even if it means slowing things down with Franco. Kiki takes offense on Franco's behalf and clearly doesn't get the dynamics at work here. Franco goes to Nina for advice, for some reason, but mostly just ticks her off by talking about how he's a father figure to Jake now. He thinks Nina can relate to his situation, but she points out that the Charlotte/custody stuff is different because Nina and Valentin are married. Franco: "'re saying I should marry Elizabeth?" Sam tells Jason that Elizabeth has a blindspot where Franco's concerned, and she might be defending him so much because she doesn't want to be wrong about him. However, she also thinks Jason needs to set the Franco stuff aside and focus on helping Jake. Jason has already thought to get Curtis involved, and he believes he can also get some assistance from...Valentin? Laura isn't interested in going to Turkey with Tracy, but Tracy changes her mind. Curtis and Jordan are really, seriously going to get together, but will have to wait until crimes aren't happening.

I'm just imagining Olivia dying over the ring, and meeting Lila in Heaven, and Lila being like, "Well, that was dumb."

That certainly was a contrived way to get the pills to the police. If Ava's smart (big if), she'll point out that Morgan was at the Floating Rib the night he died; she can say he must have left them there.

Time for Kiki to learn what co-parenting means. Also time for Kiki to stop talking.

I'm totally ready for The Adventures of Tracy and Laura.

March 31st, 2017

Elizabeth knows exactly why Franco's proposing now, and though she's not against possibly marrying him in the future, right now she wants to keep the peace with Jason. Jason asks Valentin about Cassadine Island, like whether there's a scarecrow (there is). Valentin is happy to help out a fellow father, which isn't weird at all. Jason tells Elizabeth that he's investigating things, and the two set up an appointment for Jake with Andre. Alexis tells Sam about her relapse and how Julian's ghost, or whatever, got her back on track. She has a bad feeling about a hang-up phone call, which Sam traces to a payphone near the bridge where Julian died (again, or whatever). And now...Alexis' house is haunted? Lulu runs into Nelle and plays her perfectly, talking about how hard it is to be kept from Charlotte, and how bad she feels about the way she acted. Nelle's like, "I made a huge mistake I want to atone for, too!" Laura learns of the encounter and warns Lulu to be smart, since Valentin isn't too dumb himself. (Somehow, Michael's going to play into this, or at least Nelle's feelings for him, but I'm not sure how.) Nelle tells Valentin about her conversation with Lulu, but not the details, and he warns her not to trust Lulu. Michael is anything but surprised when Sonny tells him that he and Carly may be divorcing. Sonny asks how he feels about Nelle staying in Port Charles, but Michael would rather not think about her. Kevin and Lulu are both amused at the idea of Laura and Tracy going off on a quest together.

Elizabeth keeps making good decisions and it's scaring me.

Maybe Jason and Elizabeth can have Laura and Tracy swing by Cassadine Island after they're done in Greece.

I'm sure Julian's been hanging out in the park with a gunshot wound for three days. Also, I can't believe Alexis didn't go right over there.

Lulu, your Spencer is showing.

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Olivia: "I'm marrying a rock star!"
Funniest moment (unintentional): N/A
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: I'm a sucker for Ned and Olivia being happy
Least believable moment: Franco going to see Nina
Best instances of continuity: Edward was presumed dead in the late '80s; the Spencers lived in Turkey; Ned once stopped Olivia from adopting a bunch of animals
Worst instance of continuity: Jake didn't spend "more than half his life" on Cassadine Island
Hero of the week: Jordan
Most annoying character: Kiki
Smartest character: Lulu
Dumbest character: Franco

The week in a nutshell:

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