General Hospital blog - May, 2012

May 1st, 2012

Sonny fills Jason in on his personal troubles, and Jason tells him that Ewen wanted to have Kate committed. Sonny tries to call Ewen, but he's unconscious again, having only been able to tell Elizabeth that his attacker was named Connie. Elizabeth passes this along to Olivia, as well as the news that Ewen doesn't have a patient named Connie. Johnny wants Connie to talk to Carly on his behalf, but Connie's done with Port Charles and just wants out. She threatens to cry rape if Johnny doesn't let her go, so he doesn't have any choice but to give in. Heather steals medication from the hospital and asks Maggie to drive her home. She uses her weapon of choice, tea, to drug Maggie, apparently planning to take a page from Maxie's book and forge a suicide note. Spinelli stops himself before he can implicate Matt, even though it means Maxie gets a 20-year sentence. Carly goes looking for advice from Jason but instead winds up confiding in Sam. Both find it weird. Jason tells Sonny that the baby isn't his, and Sonny urges him and Sam to work things out.

I'm interested to know who Elizabeth was going to ask for bail money for Steven. Maybe Jason? Yeah, probably Jason.

Told you to watch your back, Maggie. You should've listened to me!

Awww, Carly and Sam are fun when they're not trying to kill each other.

Jason, STOP TELLING PEOPLE SAM WAS RAPED. I guarantee Sonny's going to tell Alexis, "I'm sorry about what happened to Sam," and Alexis is going to say, "What happened to Sam??"

May 2nd, 2012

Carly stops Connie on her way out of the hotel and the two get into a huge catfight, complete with slapping, biting, and rolling around on the ground. Carly finds Ewen's records on Connie and asks what DID is, but Connie warns her that she really doesn't want to get involved. The two part ways, Connie running off to escape the police and Carly going to Johnny's. Olivia and Elizabeth pool their knowledge of Kate's recent behavior and various conversations with Ewen and decide that whether or not she hit him, something's going on with her. Ultimately they call the police to go find her. Sam and Jason fight some more, then finally get to the crux of the issue, which is that she's pregnant with another man's child and he doesn't think he can love it. Sam decides that until he can figure things out, she should move out. Of course, she winds up wherever McBain is staying. McBain's real birthday present to Sonny was a bug, which he uses to listen in as Sonny tells Michael about the Kate/Johnny situation. He hopes Sonny will make a confession about his sister's death, but Sonny tells Michael that McBain is mistaken about what really happened. Starr hates her some Sonny and goes to visit with her own present: Johnny's gun.

How Kelly Sullivan and Laura Wright got through those fight scenes with straight faces is a mystery.

Olivia, just so you know, after you check on Heather, you're going to be calling the police again.

I give this Sam/Jason separation a week. The ads for this week's episodes show her tied up with Lulu, so of course Jason will freak out about her being in danger and beg her to move back in. Or there will be a problem with the baby and he'll realize he does love it. Probably both, actually.

If I'd had a drink every time they showed the dragon and the phoenix, I wouldn't be sober enough to type right now.

So...I guess Dante's still handcuffed to that desk?

May 3rd, 2012

Ronnie ties Lulu up in a hotel room, then makes his first mistake of the episode by leaving her alone while he goes to take a shower. She turns up the volume on the TV and attracts McBain's attention. Ronnie's second mistake of the episode is being snotty to McBain while refusing to let him in the room. His third mistake is not hiding Lulu's phone, which she manages to get a hold of. Dante convinces Delores that he's innocent and she frees him from his holding cell, then gives him access to a computer that he can use to track the GPS on Lulu's phone. At the same time, Anna and Luke turn to McBain for police-type help, which just sends him back to the hotel, along with Dante. Sam runs into Ronnie outside the room and he tries to pretend that he's there investigating the noise complaint. She hears loud noises from the room, made by Lulu as she tries to reach her dropped phone, and keeps pressing him to investigate. Starr tells Sonny she's in bed (so to speak) with Johnny, then pulls Johnny's gun on him and takes him on a road trip. Carly attempts to render Johnny infertile. He tells her everything that's been going on with Kate/Connie, but she doesn't believe him until he says "DID." However, she still can't forgive him for cheating.

I can't decide if Lulu is super-smart or if Ronnie is super-dumb. Probably a little of both.

That random non-Metro Court hotel is doing a lot of business, huh?

Hey, I said we were done with the vampire jokes!

I enjoy Sonny being scared of a 19-year-old girl.

May 4th, 2012

Dante and McBain find the hotel room empty except for Lulu's phone, Sam's phoenix, and a matchbook from the Haunted Star. McBain thinks Ronnie took his hostages to the casino, exactly as Sam hoped he would. Flashbacks reveal that she spotted the matchbook in Lulu's bag and suggested it as a destination, then left the matchbook behind as a clue. McBain and Dante head there, arriving as Ronnie contemplates killing his hostages, and fail to formulate an actual plan. Starr plans to kill Sonny at the scene of the accident. He tries to use Michael, then Todd, to guilt her into backing down, but she's too angry to listen. Michael pays Johnny a visit and, after punching him in the face, learns that Starr stole Johnny's gun and is out for revenge. He arrives at the accident scene in time to keep Starr from pulling the trigger. Connie buys a ticket to Rio and starts talking to herself/Kate in public, entertaining a random Crimson reader. Carly and Jason discuss Kate's behavior and wonder if a) Johnny was right about her condition and b) Connie shot Anthony's tires. Carly knows Connie was headed for the airport, so Jason takes off to stop her from leaving the country.

Yay, they brought back the previews! (Look, my life isn't all that interesting. I have to take excitement where I can get it.)

Just when I thought Ronnie couldn't get any dumber, he takes his two hostages out in public and doesn't take away their belongings. He deserves whatever happens to him. Whatever that may be, since Dante and McBain are truly, truly bad at this. You don't need a plan, guys. There are two of you and one of him. And can I just say that if Sam weren't pregnant, this would already be over? I vaguely remember her kicking Ethan in the back when she thought he'd hurt Kristina. In the back. The girl has skills.

Also, phoenix - drink!

So are Luke and Anna just chilling at the Metro Court, waiting for instructions? They're not helping very much.

Who's going to hit Johnny next? I bet there's a list of people who would love to.

Dead: Maggie Wurth
Kidnapped: Sonny Corinthos, Lulu Spencer Falconeri, Sam Morgan

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Anna, re: Luke's gun: "Ohh, what are we planning on doing with that?"; Carly and Sam realizing they had a "girlfriend" moment and immediately agreeing to go back to hating each other; the ticket agent's reaction to Connie's cleavage
Funniest moment (unintentional): Dante and Ronnie scuffling in the background while a third cop looked for Ronnie's fake evidence
Saddest moment: Everyone's reaction to Maxie's sentence
Sweetest moment: Anna promising to help Luke
Least believable moment: McBain, Sam, and Ronnie all got hotel rooms on the same floor
Most annoying character: I actually can't think of anyone
Dumbest characters: Ronnie, the world's worst kidnapper; Dante and McBain, for not having a plan to thwart the world's worst kidnapper
Previously unanswered question now answered: Ronnie attacked the strippers.

May 5th, 2012

Next week: "Heather has a crazy moment." Oh, yeah?

May 7th, 2012

Dante reveals himself to Ronnie and does that good-guy-gets-the-bad-guy-to-confess thing. Ronnie's dumb enough to confess to the attacks as well as shooting Sonny while trying to take out Dante. Sam and Lulu get themselves untied, but Ronnie sees them and shoots Lulu in the arm. A shoot-out ensues, with McBain getting involved, and Dante and Lulu are able to escape, but Sam is stuck with all the shooting. Ronnie threatens to kill her and the baby, but of course, McBain saves them, shooting Ronnie. And of course, he comforts Sam, and of course, Jason sees them. Connie pretends Jason's trying to abduct her and yells for help, but the random Crimson reader she entertained before can see she needs help and lets Jason have her. Fortunately, Kate returns and asks Jason to take her to Ewen. When they get to the hospital, they learn that Ewen's in the ICU and Kate's in trouble with the police. She agrees to let Jason call Sonny. It takes him half an hour, but Michael finally gets through to Starr by a) telling her Hope and Cole wouldn't want her to throw away her life and b) she'll never get over killing someone, which he would know because he's a murderer. Starr takes off for Johnny, returning his gun, as Michael regrets getting involved with her situation, then calls the police. Tracy asks Alexis to help her divorce Anthony without him knowing and without him using his blackmail material against her. She figures out on her own that Anthony has to be bluffing because the Zaccharas would lose everything if Anthony implicated himself, which means Johnny would be out of luck. Anthony, for his part, thinks she's trying to kill him.

McBain, stop with all the touching and make sure Ronnie doesn't still have a gun, would you?

Also, nothing interrupts the drama of a shoot-out like noticing Helena's nude portrait in the background.

Remind me never to let Dante have my back in any kind of life-or-death situation. I mean, way to leave a pregnant woman in the middle of a gun battle, dude.

Oh, Michael. This isn't going to help your inevitable relationship with Starr.

I can't believe I have to say this AGAIN, but keep your eyes on your own paper, Elizabeth.

May 8th, 2012

Ronnie's dead, so that's the end of that. Jason is more upset about McBain saving Sam and the baby (when he can bother remembering there is a baby) than he is that someone almost killed his wife. He orders McBain to stay away from Sam, so McBain threatens to put him in jail. Sam confronts Elizabeth for telling Jason about her talk with McBain. Elizabeth argues that she's on Sam's side. By the end of the episode, Sam's back at the hotel and Jason's going to Jake's grave with Elizabeth. Kate tells Sonny everything, but he thinks she's making everything up to cover for her actions. Michael blasts Starr for playing on his guilt. Anna finds Luke and Lulu's reunion bittersweet and winds up confiding in Elizabeth, who confides her in as well over Jake's birthday.

Jason, stop being a jerk. Sam, stop defending McBain. McBain, stop talking. Elizabeth, just stay out of everyone else's business. Now I'm Team No One.

On the other hand, is anyone going to give Sam any credit for being a hero? She had all the good ideas.

I kept waiting for one of the cops to yell at Kate, "No touching!"

Michael and Starr have such a classic love story, don't they? Boy meets girl, boy is unable to save girl's boyfriend and daughter from a fiery death, girl blames boy's father and tries to kill him, boy has girl arrested and yells at her...

May 9th, 2012

Sam keeps hanging out with McBain, who really needs to stop touching her. Jason tries to get Sonny to have compassion for Kate, and though it doesn't seem to work, he does want Alexis to help her. Jason also finds McBain's bug and returns it to him. (And Sam's there, of course.) Todd returns to town, having been acquitted, and promises to get Starr out of her legal jam. Tea Delgado wants to help, too. Spinelli realizes that the security cameras on the Haunted Star might have captured Lisa's murder, so he somehow summons his Jackal powers and taps into them. And it sure looks like it was Matt. Olivia's also struggling with feeling compassion for Kate, but she at least agrees that there's something wrong. Kate makes a big move toward making things better by offering up her country-fleeing money so Olivia can help Steven. Alexis still really wants to know what's going on with Sam and Jason, but Sonny subverts expectations by not telling her anything. Mac doesn't like Felicia very much, but he's willing to work with her to get Maxie out of prison.

When Jason has more sympathy and compassion for Kate than he does for HIS OWN WIFE, you know the writers are smoking something.

That said, Sam? I'm going to need you to not be a bitca to your mother. Make that your Mother's Day gift to her.

So Spinelli's the Jackal again? Just like that? Whatever, I'm not going to question it, since this stupid turn of events has been going on for, no joke, almost a year.

Heh, Kate. "Money will make everything better!" That's her, all right.

May 10th, 2012

Tea really, really doesn't like Todd, who suspects she's going to throw Starr's case to get back at him. Starr, however, trusts her and accepts her help. Johnny refuses to give up on Carly, who makes two excellent points: 1) He didn't have to actually have sex with Connie, and 2) having sex with a woman who wasn't all there was pretty low. In fact, she goes so far as to call him a rapist. Johnny winds up being summoned to the police station, and Carly winds up reuniting with Todd. Heather's plan worked, and Maggie's "confession" gets the charges against Steven dropped. But there's a hitch: Maggie's still alive. Spinelli shows Mac and Felicia the footage of Lisa's murder, and though they can't tell who the killer is, it's clear it isn't Maxie. Matt watches the footage next and is not quite as thrilled about it. Kate confides in Elizabeth, for some reason, and Elizabeth shares her own Lucky/Nikolas/cheating saga, which I guess is supposed to make Kate feel better. Matt tells Patrick it's probably time for him to get some professional help. Patrick is offended by his opinion and kicks him out.

It's official: I love Todd.

When I agree with things Carly and Matt said, you know it's a weird day.

So Heather somehow got Maggie back to her apartment without realizing she was still alive, and Maggie's been chilling there for about 24 hours without dying? Sure.

This kind of worked out in the best possible way for Spinelli. He's going to get Maxie released, but he never actually said anything about Matt being the real guilty party.

I wonder if Elizabeth enjoys being the person people keep spilling their dramas to. Who am I kidding? I bet she loves it.

May 11th, 2012

Sonny recaps the Kate/Connie situation for Alexis and asks for her legal help. As Todd eavesdrops, Kate tells Alexis that she thinks Connie shot Anthony's tires. Maggie dies (for real this time) before she can tell Steven what happened. Heather slips her "suicide" note in with Steven's mail to solidify the theory that Maggie killed herself. She'll probably wind up regretting calling Luke to practically gloat, though. Lulu's near-death experience made her want to do exciting things. In other words, she wants to be a Spencer. Carly and Todd give each other relationship-history lessons. Tea thinks about blaming Johnny for Starr's crime, saying he took advantage of her instability, but Starr takes full responsibility. She and Kate are surprised to learn of each other's crimes. Johnny's gun is taken as evidence in Starr's case, so he tries to blackmail Delores into "losing" it. She refuses, not caring that he could bust her for leaking information about Sonny to him. Dante tells Sonny that Ronnie was behind his shooting and confides that he's worried about Lulu's emotional state.

Suggestion: Lulu goes to work for McCall and Jackal, P.I.

If I had to pick my favorite Todd moment this week (and trust me, that's a tough choice), it would be his very brief imitation of Blair. J.B. + T.M. 4 EVA!!!!!!!!1!

Carly seemed so surprised that Tea married brothers, but it's not like she's the first person Carly's met who's done that. Hello, Slept with Siblings Club!

Thank you, continuity fairies, for remembering that Alexis once faked having DID.

Arrested: Kate Howard, Starr Manning
Back in town: Todd Manning
Dead: Ronnie Dimestico, Maggie Wurth (for real this time)
New in town: Tea Delgado

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Tracy putting money down Alexis' shirt and the two of them throwing it at each other later; about 95 percent of everything Todd says and does
Funniest moment (unintentional): The portrait of naked Helena in the background of McBain and Ronnie's shoot-out
Saddest moment: Steven's reaction to Maggie's death
Sweetest moment: Dante fawning over Lulu
Least believable moments: Roughly everything Jason did all week
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Dumbest character: Ronnie
Previously unanswered questions now answered: 1. Matt killed Lisa.
2. Ronnie shot Sonny.

May 12th, 2012

Next week: Todd and Epiphany? Happy belated birthday to me!

May 14th, 2012

Kate tells Alexis that she had two blackouts the night of the accident, one between Sonny's shooting and her appearance on the docks in her wedding dress, and one between that and Sonny coming to her office. She thinks she shot Anthony's tires during the first and hid the gun during the second. She wants to confess, but Alexis tells her to keep quiet until they can hypnotize her and talk to Connie. Meanwhile, Todd tells Carly what he overheard and she lets him know that Connie and Kate are the same person. Sam spends her birthday making sure Jason didn't kill McBain, asking McBain why he's after Sonny, and unwrapping her only present, a bar of soap. Jason stops by to wish her a happy birthday but doesn't stay long. Epiphany tries to lure Patrick back to work with Ewen's case, as he now needs surgery, but even her smackdown doesn't work. Elizabeth looks after Emma yet again, still believing that Patrick's working. Epiphany tells her what's really going on and Elizabeth confronts Patrick, who admits that he was a jerk for lying to her. She says he can make it up to her by operating on Ewen. Luke's so determined to avoid Heather that he changes his phone number. Also, he's totally falling for Anna. They spend time together with their respective grandchildren, and Heather definitely isn't happy to see it. Carly meets Tea and they don't exactly hit it off, since Carly is a Todd defender. Heather really needs to tone down her happiness over Maggie's death. Jason thanks Luke for starting Jake's memorial fund.

Yes, let's send Kate to lockup...with Starr. That's a good idea.

Sam, stop having chemistry with McBain. I don't like it.

I think that's the first time we've ever seen Luke have any kind of significant interaction with one of his grandchildren. It's about freaking time.

Robin Mattson is doing such an awesome job that I feel like if I knew Heather in real life, I would want to crawl out of my skin every time I saw her.

May 15th, 2012

Kate really wants to tell Starr the truth about the accident, and Alexis really wants her to keep her mouth shut. Still stuck in do-the-right-thing mode, Kate announces that she wants to be hypnotized. Todd and Carly disagree on whether Kate should be punished for Connie's actions. Todd's also unhappy to hear that Michael turned Starr in and will have to testify against her. It's probably only a matter of time before Carly gives in to Johnny's charms. Molly and TJ have been secretly dating since February, and Michael isn't happy to catch them together, but he promises not to say anything to Alexis. Spinelli shares his findings about Matt with Jason and is pleased that Matt isn't identifiable in the security footage. He also tries to offer some relationship advice for Jason and Sam. Sam seems to think Kelly is her shrink. Johnny tries to appeal to Sonny on Kate's behalf.

I look forward to the day when Starr does a scene and doesn't cry.

Michael hasn't seen Molly since February? Yikes.

Hey, the writers remembered that Sam's a Cassadine! And that TJ exists!

Dragon and phoenix - drink!

May 16th, 2012

Matt tells Maxie about Spinelli's discovery and assures her that she'll be let out of prison. She's upset at first, thinking the footage implicates him. Matt thinks Patrick killed Lisa and wants to say something to him. Maxie finally informs him that he's the real killer. The security footage isn't, in fact, enough to get Maxie exonerated, so Spinelli has an hour-long moral dilemma before he finally announces that Matt killed Lisa. Todd asks Michael to take back his statement about Starr wanting to kill Sonny, but Michael wants to play by the rules. Todd moves on to Sonny, telling him to get Michael to take back his statement or he'll announce who really caused the accident: Kate. Tea tells Starr she plans to use Claudia's death to discredit Michael, an idea Starr is very opposed to. Patrick does a 180 and goes back to work.

I know it would ruin the dramatic tension, but wouldn't Maxie be in the courtroom?

Thanks to SoapNet's Veronica Mars reruns, I immediately recognized the prosecutor as Christopher B. Duncan, AKA Clarence Wiedman. You know, in case anyone besides me cares.

Hasn't anyone shown the prosecutor in Starr's case the footage of her taking Sonny out of the house? Because that's kidnapping, which is a federal crime, in which case Michael taking back his statement wouldn't matter.

Huh. Sonny's bodyguards do know how to do their jobs after all.

May 17th, 2012

The prosecutor agrees to let Maxie walk if she signs a statement that corroborates Spinelli's story, which definitely sounds like something she'll do. Maxie tells Matt everything she's been covering up, and he tells her he's going to confess. Todd thinks his plan to force Sonny's hand will be successful, even after Sonny tells him he no longer cares what happens to Kate. Sonny then goes to Alexis to tell her what Todd shared with him. Kate chickens out on telling Starr she may have caused the accident, then gets a visit from Connie, who seems to have more tricks up her sleeve. Luke stops Tracy from trying to kill Anthony (which she is really bad at). He agrees to do the job himself, which Anthony overhears.

Yeah, I'm sure the chick who confessed to murder to protect her boyfriend will totally be willing to say EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE now. (Not that it matters, since Matt will obviously confess.)

Okay, Tea, we get it. You don't like Todd. Move on. Also, I hate what you're wearing.

Don't leave, Connie! You're the one we want!

If Anthony's smart, he'll fake his death and frame Luke for his murder.

May 18th, 2012

Sonny watches as Kate interrogates Connie, demanding to know what happened after she left the pier. Kate starts crying and Sonny goes to comfort her, but she's already become Connie. Sonny tells her he now understands everything and wants to support Kate. Connie locks them in the room together, then confesses to shooting Anthony's tires. Anthony asks Johnny to hide him from Luke, but Johnny refuses. Anthony threatens to kill him, which Johnny says would make them even, since he was the one who tried to kill Anthony. Of course Maxie won't testify against Matt, and now she's mad at Spinelli. Patrick's a thousand times better and thankful to Matt for helping him through his depression. Matt decides not to ruin his good mood by telling him he might be going to prison. Luke wants to get rid of Anthony through less murderous means, but Tracy gets him to agree to kill if necessary. Shut up some more, Tea.

Sorry, Johnny, no one believes you. Well, Anthony might, but no one else will.

I forgot to mention it yesterday, so I'll do it now: Thank you for shaving, Patrick.

I would like Elizabeth a lot more if she would stay away from Jason and Sam, and just be friendly to Patrick and cute about Ewen.

Also cute: Luke and Tracy, which is weird to say.

Birthday: Sam Morgan
Dating: Molly Lansing and TJ Ashford

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Luke and Tracy's murder discussions
Funniest moment (unintentional): Can't think of any; too busy hating Tea
Saddest moment: Maxie telling Matt he killed Lisa
Sweetest moment: Elizabeth being happy that Ewen wanted to see her
Least believable moments: Maxie wasn't in court for the hearing about her case; Alexis let Spinelli take the deal to her; everyone thinks Maxie will turn on Matt
Most annoying character: Tea
Dumbest character: Matt

May 19th, 2012

Next week: Let's throw another Corinthos in the mix.

May 21st, 2012

Connie tells Sonny the story we've all figured out, gloating that she almost succeeded in framing him. He's furious and on the edge of hurting her, but Kate resurfaces and learns what Connie admitted. Meanwhile, Johnny tells Anthony that he had a dream the night of the accident in which Claudia told him to avenge her death. Instead of killing Sonny, which would have made more sense, he tried to kill Anthony and frame Sonny to get rid of both of them. Anthony prepares to shoot Johnny, Johnny grabs the gun, they struggle over it, and, of course, the gun goes off. Sam tells Molly the whole baby saga, which makes Molly think love is impossible. Alexis has to skip her and Sam's first Lamaze class, so Molly takes her place. Elizabeth seems to think she's a shrink now and gives Jason relationship advice. Too bad Sam sees them hugging. Carly wonders if she can forgive Johnny, since, after all, Jax forgave her for cheating. Dante's about two weeks behind everyone, but he thinks Kate might have had something to do with the accident, though Johnny is still his main suspect. Lulu's back at Crimson.

The two-confessions thing is interesting, but why would either Connie or Johnny (heh) lie? Unless Connie's so determined to get Kate away from Sonny that she's willing to put herself in prison.

How funny would it be if Johnny took care of Anthony for Tracy? I mean, not funny ha ha, but still...kind of funny.

Okay, writers, the fact that Sam has told Molly the truth about the baby before Alexis is ridiculous. Also ridiculous: Molly thinking Sam won't tell Alexis that TJ was over.

Is Shawn really dating someone, or was that just so he could save face with Carly? Discuss.

Dante? Yeah, hi. We all figured out that Kate was involved a long time ago. Josslyn figured it out before you. Why don't you just sit there and look pretty?

May 22nd, 2012

Anthony takes the bullet but gets to hear the details of Johnny's master plan: He convinced Connie to make a false confession in hopes that Sonny won't be able to forgive her for framing him. Anthony pleads for his life, but Johnny thinks he knows too much and puts a few more bullets in him. Molly tries to get Jason to attend Lamaze class with Sam, but he still doesn't think he can parent the baby. He also thinks Sam would be willing to place it for adoption, which she makes very clear isn't an option. Johnny will be unhappy to know that Sonny plans to stick by Kate's side. He and Alexis plan to keep Connie's admission to themselves and try to get her into Shadybrook so Kate can't talk to Starr. Starr appeals to Michael, who feels bad about testifying against her but won't recant his statement. At the same time, Todd appeals to Carly, then tells her about his plan to have Sonny work Michael. Tea bugs McBain about his relationship, whatever it might be, with Sam. Emma wonders if she's getting a new mommy.

I have to applaud the writers for the Johnny/Connie twist. Having all signs point to Connie being the shooter was a great red herring.

That said, I also have to boo the writers for continuing to portray Jason as an uncaring, uncharacteristically selfish jerk. Seriously, he thinks Sam would be willing to give the baby for adoption? Seriously?

It's ironic that Todd's plan hinges on Sonny caring about Kate while Johnny's plan hinges on the opposite.

Someone start the clock on a Carly/Todd bed romp.

I assume Molly knows that Elizabeth knows the truth about the baby? Otherwise...yeah, I really doubt her ability not to say anything to Alexis.

May 23rd, 2012

Anthony may be dead, but he's still chatty, as well as making Johnny question his actions. After finding shoes and a pile of water-related items in the boathouse, Tracy thinks Luke has killed Anthony and dumped his body. Luke actually plans to send him to a Uruguay prison instead. Tracy texts Anthony to get him to the boathouse, and Johnny intercepts the text and gets an idea. This time when Tracy goes to the boathouse, Anthony's body is there. Sonny updates Carly on the Connie/Kate situation and Todd's deal. He's pretty much already forgiven Kate and wonders if Carly can forgive Johnny. Felicia begs Maxie to sign the statement about Matt, but she refuses. After a weird attack by some fellow prisoners, she changes her mind. Spinelli tells Matt he knows what he did and fills him in on the deal. Matt asks Maxie to sign and she tells him she just did. The mayor fires Mac and asks Anna to take over for him. Luke comforts Anna, who in turn comforts Felicia.

I'm surprised Johnny isn't going to try to frame Sonny for Anthony's death. Also, it's a little ironic that Tracy killed Johnny's real father and is now being framed for killing his fake father.

So Carly and Sonny are friendly again? I can't keep track.

It's nice to know that Maxie will stick to her guns only until someone abuses her makeup.

If they ever, ever try to revisit Luke and Felicia's relationship, I will run screaming from the room.

May 24th, 2012

Luke thinks Tracy killed Anthony, and vice versa, but they don't have much time to figure it out, since Delores is on the premises investigating a report of gunshots being fired. She spots blood in the boathouse and tries to investigate, but Luke and Tracy manage to fool her by Weekend at Bernie's-ing Anthony. Jason tells Monica all the baby stuff, and she tells him she thinks he'll be able to love the baby the way she loved him. Tracy eavesdrops on the conversation and shares the gossip about Franco with Luke. Heather harasses Sam, threatening to spread the news about the baby's paternity. Sam counter-threatens to tell Steven everything she's done. Heather later visits Monica, who is definitely not going to put up with any of her crap. Sonny threatens to kill Todd, but he has insurance in the form of a front-page article all about Kate killing Cole and Hope. Carly inches toward forgiving Johnny, whose Anthony-shaped conscience reminds him that she won't like him so much when she finds out he's a child killer. Olivia offers Kate support, assuring her that Sonny will do the same.

It's easy to forget, since she's hardly ever on, but Monica rocks.

Sarcastic, don't-mess-with-me Sam also rocks.

Jason didn't enter the house through the rose garden! What gives?

I have to know who in the Quartermaine household reads Crimson.

So I guess we're going to have to see Anthony in that purple shirt until the end of time, huh?

May 25th, 2012

Sam and Jason are about to make some progress when they're interrupted by a reporter who alerts them to the next day's cover story all about Franco and the baby. At the same time, Molly accidentally tells Alexis that Jason isn't the baby's father, forcing Sam to tell her mother everything. She also tries to call Kristina to give her the news, but Kristina packed up and left Yale weeks ago. Alexis thinks she was kidnapped, but she left on her own and has just now made her way to Port Charles. Sonny asks Michael to recant his testimony but won't tell him who he's trying to protect. Michael cooperates and gets Starr acquitted, then tells her it's because Todd blackmailed Sonny. Jason accuses McBain of leaking the story to get to him, but McBain would rather use Jason to get to Sonny, which he tells Jason to his face. He also tells Jason that Sonny killed his sister, so it's definitely personal. Jason's worst day ever continues when he's arrested for killing Franco. Tracy and Luke distract Monica and Heather by taking them into the house to talk about the Franco situation. Everyone presents a united front against Heather, who makes it clear that she's not done causing trouble. When Luke and Tracy go back outside, Anthony's body is gone.

Gee, Sam, I don't know - how do you think the story got out? Freaking A, the nuttiest nutso in town knows your secret! That's how!

Obviously I don't have much to go on, but I will say this for the casting of the new Kristina: She looks like she could be Sonny's daughter.

Speaking of Sonny's children, for someone who spends every day that ends in Y talking about how everything he does is for his children, Sonny sure was willing to make one of them commit a crime to save his girlfriend.

Quick, writers, think of a plausible reason for Starr and Todd to stay in Port Charles! Can't do it, can you?

Jason killed Franco in Beecher's Corners? Haaaaaaaa. (For those not familiar, that's where Luke and Laura first hooked up.)

Acquitted: Starr Manning
Arrested: Jason Morgan
Back in town: Kristina Davis
Dead: Anthony Zacchara
Fired: Mac Scorpio

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Todd in almost all of his scenes, dead Anthony reads Crimson, everything Luke and Tracy, "Is this what it's like going up against you in court?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason and McBain's conversation at the counter at Kelly's, which looked like two spies meeting and trying not to look like they were talking
Saddest moment: Jason telling Monica about the baby
Sweetest moment: Alexis's reaction to the truth about the baby
Least believable moments: Anthony's been dead for 24 hours and still looks alive, Sonny got Michael to perjure himself and didn't even bother to tell him why, Starr's hearing went on without her lawyer being present
Most annoying character: Sonny, for making Michael commit a crime to protect Kate, and not even telling him why
Dumbest character: Kristina, who didn't think it was necessary to tell her family where she was for weeks. Though I guess the rest of them are also dumb for not knowing she was gone for weeks
Unanswered question of the week: Who moved Anthony's body?
Previously unanswered question now answered: Johnny shot Anthony's tires.

May 26th, 2012

Next week: Kristina brings the fun, Maxie brings a twist, and the stork may bring a baby or two.

May 29th, 2012

Kristina confronts her parents for buying her entrance into Yale, forcing Alexis to come clean about her role in it. Kristina has also taken up a new project: a reality show called Mob Princess. Maxie is officially released and warned that she'll be going straight back to lockup if she doesn't testify against Matt. In the half hour between her release and Matt's hearing, Maxie formulates and executes the genius plan to marry Matt so she can't be forced to testify against him. Jason calls Elizabeth for bail money and tells her that he was this close to making a commitment to the baby when the reporter made him face the whole Franco thing again. He thinks McBain called in the tip that led to his arrest and still believes he was the one who leaked the story to the paper. McBain gives Anna (and us) some background on his sister: Her name was Theresa, she was his father's daughter from an affair, and she worked in a club in Atlantic City. Anna doesn't want the commissioner job, though McBain and Mac both think she should take it.

This reality-show storyline is going to be awesome.

Speaking of awesome, for a ditz, Maxie is freaking brilliant.

If my ex-boyfriend called me from jail, asking me to deliver bail money, I'd ask him to undergo a psych consult first, because...what? Of all the people Jason could have called, he called ELIZABETH?

I'm surprised McBain doesn't encourage Anna to take the commissioner job and then hire him so he has an excuse to stick around.

May 30th, 2012

Kristina gets the cameras rolling and starts spilling her family's secrets. No one's happy. In the middle of the madness, Sam and Alexis learn of Jason's arrest. Sonny and Alexis try to put a stop to the show, but Kristina threatens to leave and never come back if they don't let her continue. Luke and Tracy swear to each other that they didn't kill Anthony, then try to figure out who did. Tracy suspects Sonny, but Luke doesn't think it was a mob hit. Dante and Delores search Johnny's place, looking for evidence that he shot Anthony's tires, and instead find Anthony's cell phone. Johnny tells them Anthony left after getting a text, referring to Tracy's summons to the boathouse. Putting that together with Johnny's reports that Anthony overheard Tracy and Luke plotting to kill him, plus the fact that the blood in the boathouse was Anthony's, Dante has to arrest Luke and Tracy. It doesn't help that Luke's holding the murder weapon when they're found. Maxie's plan is successful, and she and Matt are both off the hook. Spinelli's devastated but can't find any allies. Jason confronts McBain, who of course denies any involvement with the article or Jason's arrest. Jason wonders if McBain is trying to get rid of him to get to Sonny or Sam. McBain replies that Jason is the one Sam loves, and their marital problems are because of Jason, not McBain. Jason shares his suspicions of McBain with Sam, warning her that she's trusting the wrong person.

I realize this is a minor thing to focus on when you consider the ridiculous things that have happened on this show, but they do realize that reality-show participants have to sign releases before filming can begin, yes?

Awww, Spinelli. Go mope with Jason. He'll understand.

Why am I supposed to care about McBain and Natalie's relationship? I don't even know how long he's staying.

I don't get it - why don't Jason and Sam think Heather was behind the story leak? She's crazy! It's totally something she would do!

May 31st, 2012

Sam questions McBain about Jason's arrest but has already basically convinced herself that he wasn't behind it. She begins having contractions and first thinks they're false labor, but then her labor breaks. Thanks to a big thunderstorm, there's no way to call for help, so McBain better start boiling some water. Todd finds Tea unconscious in a parking garage and tries to drive her to the hospital. On the way, she goes into labor, which is especially bad timing because of the storm, a closed road, a downed cell tower, and a lot of mud, all of which keep the car from moving. Sonny and Jason discuss McBain and his intentions, and Jason decides it's time to send a message that will get him to leave town. Sonny thinks Sam is pushing Jason away because she can't deal with everything going on, but he's adamant that she wants Jason, not McBain. Dante tries to question Luke and Tracy, but Luke keeps telling Tracy to keep her mouth shut. Lulu doesn't think Luke would kill Anthony, but she can tell he's covering up something. Heather took Anthony's body, thinking Luke killed him, and is planning to bury him, it seems.

I, for one, am shocked - SHOCKED! - that McBain was with Sam when she went into labor. I never in a million years would have predicted that.

Is it weird that I like freaking-out-and-laboring Tea?

Once again, Sonny mistakes himself for a shrink.

Aaaaaaaaaand Heather's officially creeping me out.

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