General Hospital blog - May, 2013

May 1st, 2013

Ellie thinks Maxie had Britt implant another embryo after her miscarriage, and she threatens to go to the hospital and check. Maxie realizes there's no way out and tells her the baby is Spinelli's. Of course, now Ellie wants to tell him. Spinelli meets with Betsy, who first denies that she knows about Lauren, then says they don't have a relationship because of Lauren's mother. She gives him an old address where he might be able to find Lauren, but she's definitely hiding something, because there's someone in her house. Dante punches Milo for keeping Lulu from him, then tries to get Lulu to go home with him. She won't, for understandable reasons, so he says he'll stay there, too. Carly and A.J. take things to the bedroom and immediately regret what they do there. Monica hears something amiss and checks on A.J., who tells her he's not alone and lets her believe Elizabeth's there. Nikolas pressures Elizabeth to give their relationship another try, but she uses Lucky as an excuse, then decides she didn't give A.J. a fair chance. She heads to the Quartermaines' to see him, confusing Monica.

I can't believe Maxie couldn't come up with another lie. Maybe the pregnancy is screwing with her deception skills.

Here's a compromise: Lulu stays with Nikolas on Spoon Island. Then he won't be alone and she'll be with someone familiar who's not Milo. Also, Nikolas had amnesia, so she can relate to him.

Nikolas, if you have to beg, it's not going to happen.

The second the Quartermaines' doorbell rang, I started laughing and couldn't stop. Also, now we know where A.J. gets his parental pride over sexcapades.

May 2nd, 2013

Maxie grabs the phone from Ellie and tells Spinelli that Ellie hacked into her medical records. Oh, and the baby's fine. Ellie vows to tell him later, but Maxie convinces her to keep quiet for now, since the revelation would disrupt Spinelli and Ellie's relationship. Lulu gets fed up with Dante again and goes back to the Floating Rib. He follows her and they play pool while he tells her about their first meeting (which was there). She has a small flash of memory, but it spooks her and she runs off again. Monica manages to keep Elizabeth from A.J.'s room while Carly discovers that she's there. She hides in the closet while A.J. chats with Elizabeth and they agree to give things another try. Monica finds Carly in the closet and promises to keep quiet because Carly and A.J.'s hookup is the last thing she ever wants to have to think about again. Laura thinks it would be a horrible idea for Nikolas and Elizabeth to hook up again. Max tries to keep Milo confined to his apartment, but Milo gets out and follows Lulu again.

Points to Emme Rylan – in some of those fake flashbacks, she sounded just like Julie Marie Berman.

They brought Coleman in for one scene? Blake Gibbons must be really bored.

Interesting that the only three people who know about A.J. and Carly's hookup are all planning to keep their mouths shut. Usually there's someone rogue in the mix (like Ellie). This might actually end up being the best-kept secret in Port Charles.

If Max is a bodyguard, why does he suck so much at guarding?

More Johnny tomorrow?? Happy early birthday to me!

May 3rd, 2013

Sonny and Shawn force the dean to let them into Morgan's dorm room, where they find his roommate with a (fake) gun. The roommate tells them that Morgan split when he heard that the people who ran the poker games were coming to collect. Olivia visits Johnny to ask if he sent Sonny into an ambush. He's amused by her level of concern over Sonny. Duke gets A.J. and Michael booked on The Chew, so Tracy makes Nikolas try to get them bumped. Instead, he gets them booked for a surprise taste-off with their newly named Pickle-Eddie. Britt's sick, or possibly faking, as Felix and Sabrina suspect. Patrick hears Sabrina accusing her of lying to get Patrick's attention. Carly and A.J. accidentally swap phones, leading Carly to miss a bunch of calls from Sonny about Morgan. Monica encourages A.J. to take Elizabeth to New York.

Do you think Vanderbilt appreciates being featured like this?

Thanks for coming back, Johnny! Please come back permanently sometime!

Stop saying "The Chew," everyone!

I'm confused – Michael said he tried to call A.J. a bunch of times. Carly had A.J.'s phone, and we know it was on, but she didn't answer Michael's calls? They should have had her answer and have to explain why she had A.J.'s phone.

I'd just like to note that no one has proven that Britt's actually pregnant.

Birthday: Sonny Corinthos
Hooked up: Carly Jacks and A.J. Quartermaine
MIA: Morgan Corinthos

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Carly trying to rid herself of bad memories by using hand sanitizer
Funniest moment (unintentional): Connie wore prison orange to visit Pentonville
Saddest moment: Olivia saying goodbye to Johnny (those were probably real tears)
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sabrina commenting that when you fall asleep wearing a tiara, you get woken with a kiss
Least believable moment: Johnny didn't ask Olivia if Lulu's okay
Hero of the week: Johnny
Most annoying character: Dante's kind of bugging me
Smartest character: Felix
Dumbest character: Max
Things we learned this week: 1. Ellie likes Kierkegaard.
2. Morgan goes to Vanderbilt.
3. He was also SORAS'd again.

May 4th, 2013

Next week: "Carly and Sam team up." I'm listening...

May 6th, 2013

Nikolas visits Lulu and they quickly make a connection, sparking another mini memory. Then there's another when Dante brings Maxie over and Lulu recalls her first sonogram. Maxie invites her to a doctor's appointment in hopes of bringing back more memories. Ellie possibly starts to tell Dante about the baby, then changes her mind. When Spinelli comes over, he berates her for hacking, and she blurts out that Maxie had a miscarriage. Scott's upset that Laura wants to postpone the wedding until Luluís better. Meanwhile, Tracy tells Luke to stop worrying about the wedding and focus on finding Lauren. He does have some news, as he visited Betsy and learned that Lauren's in New York. Patrick admits to Sabrina that he doesn't believe everything Britt says either, but he has to give her the benefit of the doubt. It turns out she has that hyperemesis thing Kate Middleton had, so now Patrick's really concerned. Except she's faking it, and even made a deal with a lab tech to falsify test results. Nikolas learns that Elizabeth's going to New York with A.J. and arranges to stay in the same hotel. Luke and Laura end up at Milo's together.

Scott is so detestable that it's starting to seem comical. I mean, why don't they just have him say, "I don't care about your daughter; it's time to talk about me"?

Does this mean Luke was the person in Betsy's house? I'm so sure he went off to do Lauren research last week.

Let that be the last time Britt has anything in common with Kate Middleton.

Notice that A.J. didn't tell Elizabeth that Michael's going along. That might make Nikolas feel better.

May 8th, 2013

Luke and Laura decide that they're really done, and she tells Scott they can set a wedding date. T.J. asks Molly to the prom, and she decides they need to talk about the Rafe situation before they make any plans. T.J. is furious about the kiss but not mad at Molly. Rafe texts Molly to ask her to talk, but she left her phone at Kelly's, allowing T.J. to intercept the text. He lures Rafe to the diner, hits him, and warns him to stay away from Molly. Ellie tells Spinelli everything, and he immediately wants to get back together with Maxie. Somehow this leads to Maxie telling Lulu and Dante the truth, and Lulu shooting Ellie with Dante's gun. Then Ellie snaps out of her daydream and tells Spinelli that Maxie did miscarry, but was implanted with another embryo. She later tells Maxie that she'll keep her secret. Sam tries to help Rafe through his feelings for Molly by telling him about her own past romantic experiences. Later, she lights a candle for Jason, but the wind blows it out. Luke and Spinelli both go to New York, but only Spinelli finds someone who might be Lauren. Scott talks to Lucy about his problems, because she's the only person who can put up with him for more than five minutes. Lulu remembers that day a sample of his swimmers.

T.J. won me over a little with the prom invitation, then totally lost all my support with his macho posturing.

So now you want to talk about your dead husband, huh, Sam? You miss him every day, do you? What about when you were seconds away from going to bed with McBain? (Sorry, I'm still bitter about that.)

By my count, we now have six characters in New York: A.J., Elizabeth, Nikolas, Tracy, Luke, and Spinelli (but not Michael). Are we just slowly moving the whole show there? Or is New York the new Seattle?

I hope my desire for them to bring Kristen Alderson back as Serena pans out, because I need someone to smack some sense into Scott.

May 8th, 2013

Luke's source has led him to Ava Jerome, Lauren's mother. He tells her Lauren is entitled to Quartermaine money and asks for her vote, but Ava isn't sure she wants Lauren to get involved in all that craziness. Meanwhile, Spinelli thinks he's found Lauren and has gotten her support for A.J., but she reveals that Luke paid her to play along. Sonny returns from Nashville and tells Carly and Michael that Morgan's roommate thinks he ran off to meet a girl. Michael wonders if he was catfished by a bad guy, and decides to call on an FOS for help. Then two plots suddenly converge, as it turns out Morgan is with Ava. Tracy warns Nikolas not to let Elizabeth or A.J. see him, but that immediately goes out the window, since somehow Elizabeth and Nikolas booked the same room. (Just go with it.) While Nikolas tries (but fails) to get Elizabeth into bed, A.J. runs into Tracy, who assures him that she won't ambush him on The Chew with Pickle-Tracy. Sam still has Franco-related issues, plus a possible stalker.

Ava Jerome? Of the Port Charles Jeromes?

Luke outsmarting Spinelli was AWESOME.

Make that seven characters in New York.

Elizabeth is a far stronger woman than I am for being able to walk away from shirtless Nikolas.

The only thing I'm looking forward to in this Chew plot is Carla Hall. And laughing at the horrible checked shirt/striped tie combination A.J.'s rocking in the previews.

May 9th, 2013

While Morgan hangs out with Ava, Michael gets FOS Woodrow to try to hack into the gambling website and track Morgan's history. He pulls up conversations Morgan had with a user named Jerome Around the World, ending with them arranging to meet. Morgan tells Ava that he doesnít want Sonny to get involved because he'll end up looking like a failure. Ava encourages him to call his family, so Morgan calls Michael. A.J. tells Elizabeth that Tracy's in New York, and that she and Nikolas are working together. Outraged, Elizabeth blasts Nikolas for keeping secrets and trying to sabotage A.J. Nikolas pours his heart out to her, but she still won't budge. She begs him to call off the sabotage. Luke tells Tracy where things stand with Ava while Spinelli admits to A.J. that Luke got to Lauren first. A.J. winds up having another panic attack. Sonny asks Olivia to try to get more information out of Johnny, but she thinks she's gotten everything she can. Plus, she doesn't want Johnny to bug her about her relationship with Sonny.

Let's hope Jerome Around the World is Lauren, not Ava. Otherwise...ick. (Also ick: Carly reading their conversations, which is almost as gross as her finding Michael and Brenda in bed together.)

Yeah, Tracy, Nikolas' tattoos are what you're distracted by when he's shirtless.

Elizabeth, if you're going to choose A.J. over Nikolas, I can't do anything for you. You're hopeless.

"You." "Me!" Love you, Luke.

May 10th, 2013

Morgan assures Michael that he doesn't need any help, no matter how many times Michael asks where he is and offers his help. Morgan probably should have accepted the help, since he ends up getting jumped in Ava's apartment. Carly enlists Sam to help find Morgan, so Sam texts Morgan pretending to be Jerome Around the World. Morgan takes the bait but won't talk, saying he's on the phone with his brother. Carly and Sam run over to Carly's house, but Michael's not there. With Tracy nowhere in sight, Elizabeth and A.J. think that Nikolas convinced her to stay away. He actually hired goons to keep her at the hotel, so congratulations, Nikolas, you're a kidnapper. Tracy begs Edward for help, and somehow the goons get knocked out and she's freed. Meanwhile, Nikolas goes to the set and tells Elizabeth he'll back off, but he's not giving up on getting her back. Rafe tells Molly that some kids from the group home beat him up again, but T.J. actually feels bad about the assault and comes clean. I'm not sure what he hoped to accomplish, but honesty doesn't win Molly over, and she tells him their prom date is off. Anna and Duke are boring.

I guess the odds were in favor of Sonny having one jerk of a child. Shut up, Morgan.

Okay, I'll bite: Who freed Tracy? Was it Luke? P.S. I'm stealing "What in the name of Richard Simmons happened here?"

I kind of want Elizabeth and Molly both to Kelly Taylor this.

In all those wasted Duke/Anna minutes, they could have been giving Jerome backstory. That would have been helpful.

Back in (another) town: Morgan Corinthos
New in (another) town: Ava Jerome

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "You." "Me!"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Sam realizing she's being paranoid, and Danny laughing at her
Saddest moment: Tracy feeling like she failed Edward
Sweetest/cutest moment: The Scrabble-tile prom invitation
Least believable moments: Luke and Spinelli got to New York in the same amount of time it took Rafe to walk to Kelly's; Nikolas and Elizabeth wound up in the same hotel room
Hero of the week: Woodrow (who I think we saw before)
Most annoying character: Morgan, and it's really bad that he's only been in three episodes and is already this annoying
Smartest characters: Luke, for messing with Spinelli; Sam, for fooling Morgan
Dumbest character: Morgan, just in general
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who's watching Sam?
2. Who knocked out Nikolas' men?
Things we learned this week: 1. "Will you go to prom with me" anagrams to "tightrope willow moo yum."
2. Tracy watches a soap.
3. Morgan grew up to be a jerk.
4. Anna knows about Twitter.

May 11th, 2013

Next week: My Roger Howarth withdrawal finally comes to an end.

May 13th, 2013

A.J. makes his TV debut as Tracy is recaptured by Nikolas' thugs. Using some of Alice's wrestling moves, she escapes again, then evades Nikolas by kneeing him in an unfriendly place. The relish battle takes place, but everyone who eats gets sick. The culprit may be Todd an unnamed man lurking around the studio. Michael finds Morgan at Ava's and takes him to the hospital. He doesn't keep a good enough eye on him, though, since Morgan takes off. Michael goes back to Ava's looking for him, but instead finds Starr some girl who's probably Lauren. Carly reaches Michael, who assures her that Morgan's safe. She and Sam trace Michael's phone and head to the hospital in New York, where Sam encounters McBain a doctor she mistakes for Stephen Clay. Bad guys ambush Connie and Olivia at Crimson, wanting to know what the learned from Johnny when they visited him at Pentonville. They've figured out that Morgan is Sonny's son, and they want to send a message. Olivia sends a message first, texting Sonny so he and Shawn can rescue the women. Patrick has to explain to Emma that there will, in fact, be a baby. Next he'll have to explain why Britt is moving in. Felix attempts to let himself be seduced by Britt's lab-tech friend Brad, but he can't bring himself to see it through.

I still hate this Chew stuff, but at least there have been some funny moments, like a "breaking news" crawl about Tracy running while A.J. was talking about Michael.

After all that, we still don't know who the returning actors are playing! Whatever, I got my TV boyfriend back.

Did Carly call Michael "Michael Corinthos, Jr. the third"?

"We're going to send Corinthos a smashing a bunch of stuff in his ex-fiancée's office!" You guys suck at bad-guy stuff.

May 14th, 2013

Michael meets Morgan's girlfriend, Kiki (who is either Lauren or her sister), and learns that they have a plan to get Morgan the $50,000 he needs for his debt. Michael questions Kiki's loyalty in the plan to hustle college-aged poker players out of their money. The food poisoning (or possibly regular poisoning) hits Elizabeth especially hard, so Nikolas and A.J. take her to the hospital (unsurprisingly, it's the same one where Michael took Morgan, and where Carly and Sam are still loitering). Carly and A.J. run into each other, catch each other up on their current activities, and start bickering. Tracy overhears A.J. mentioning that he and Carly slept together. Not-Todd looks to be behind the poisoning, and he's already on the move. Next stop: Port Charles. Sam mistakes a doctor for Stephen Clay, but she's not far off on his identity: He's Stephen's brother. Felix gives T.J. relationship advice, telling him to beg Molly for forgiveness and stop being jealous. Rafe wants to just be friends with Molly, so they share a friendly hug, which, of course, T.J. sees. Sonny and Shawn make their way to New York, discussing Mike's gambling problems and Sonny and Carly's failure to protect Morgan from everything.

Kiki is already 20 times more entertaining than Starr ever was.

Tracy overhearing Carly and A.J. is one of the best things I could ever hope for.

I take it Not-Todd is someone we're familiar with – otherwise, why would he hide from Tracy?

Was the producer's name Todd? Awesome.

Witch, please – Sonny Corinthos don't fly commercial. And he shouldn't, because that plane is the slowest ever. Carly and Sam got to New York in one episode. Shawn and Sonny are practically still in Port Charles.

Hey, someone finally mentioned Mike's gambling addiction! Wait, strike that – someone finally mentioned Mike!

May 15th, 2013

Olivia and Connie keep an eye (and a gun) on the head goon until Sonny can confirm whether he provided the correct location for Morgan and Michael. He didn't, so Olivia threatens to do more damage until he gives them Ava's address. Morgan and Kiki's poker game quickly falls apart, and as if that weren't bad enough, the thugs who roughed up Morgan return to try to get their money again. Fortunately for Morgan, Sonny and Shawn arrive, pay the debt, and chase them off. Unfortunately for Morgan, Sonny forces him to come back to Port Charles, leaving Kiki (short for Katherine) behind. Also, Kiki claims not to be related to the Port Charles Jeromes, but she's probably lying. Tracy tries to get A.J. and Carly to admit to their sex romp on tape, but they deny it. She threatens to tell Elizabeth anyway unless A.J. takes responsibility for the relish fiasco. He calls Tracy's bluff, but she calls his back, so he has no choice but to say his relish caused the food poisoning. Dr. Silas Clay doesn't care that his brother is dead, that he was a serial killer, or that he has a nephew. T.J. blows up over Molly and Rafe's hug, and Molly's so sick of assuring him they're just friends that she tells him she and Rafe are going to prom together. Nikolas, Elizabeth, blah blah blah.

I guess it's safe to say that Sonny learned nothing from his attempts to parent Kristina.

When did Tracy become so awesome? It happened so gradually, I barely noticed.

I see, we're doing that thing where the couple hates each other when they meet, then hooks up later. Also, their names are alliterative. But...Silas? Really?

Rafe doesn't go to school with Molly and T.J.? Where does he go? How many schools are there in Port Charles?

May 16th, 2013

Nikolas and Luke both give Laura and Scott their blessing to get married (this afternoon!), but Lesley (now back in town with Spencer) refuses to support them. Lulu has a nightmare that's actually a memory of Stavros taking her to the Haunted Star. Speaking of the Haunted Star, it's back in Port Charles, but Lulu has to sign for a slip in order for it to be docked. Luke suggests that Dante bring her there for that purpose, then use the opportunity to reminisce. Dante takes his advice, and though it doesn't look like Lulu remembers anything, she's at least a little charmed by him. Lucy bugs Kevin about letting go of a mystery patient he's still tending to in Seattle. Luke is officially off the wagon.

Lesley, come sit by me. We'll discuss our plans for the We Hate Scott Club.

This Spencer is so much better than the previous ones. Not only is he cute, but he has personality and he actually looks like he could be Nikolas' son.

I always forget that Lucy was a librarian. She hasn't been one for at least 25 years, I don't think.

Yay, they're finally going to address Luke's drinking!

May 17th, 2013

Scott and Laura proceed with the wedding, though it looks like Lucy failed in her one task and hasn't been able to produce an officiant. Mystery guy may have arranged the poisoning to weaken ELQ so he can take it over. Dante's so charming that he almost gets Lulu to kiss him, but she has another flashback to her kidnapping and panics. Mac won't serve Luke, and is apparently still bitter that he never faced any consequences for killing Jake. Luke heads over to the Quartermaines', where he can complain to Tracy and drink for free. She's also concerned but hasn't said anything because she didn't want him to blow up at her. She admits that she still cares about him, and he kisses her. Nikolas invites Elizabeth to the wedding, but she correctly guesses that he means as her date, so she brings A.J. along. I guess Mac has been watching Friends reruns, because he pulls Chandler's trick of pretending he doesn't want to get married so he can surprise Felicia with a proposal (putting the ring in a bowl of peanuts, of course).

Is Lucy not going to the wedding? Because Scott has zero people on his side. Which is totally fitting, of course.

If Not-Todd isn't Franco, I'm out of ideas as to who he is. But why would he care about ELQ? And why bring back a character who would mostly likely be sent straight to prison?

I'm sorry, when has Tracy ever shied away from picking a fight with Luke?

Okay, FINE, Mac and Felicia are cute. I give.

Back in town: Spencer Cassadine, Lesley Webber
New in (another) town: Katherine "Kiki" Jerome, Silas Clay, mystery guy played by Roger Howarth

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Emma yelling "witch, please!" in Kelly's; Olivia calling the injured goon Gimpy and Peg-Leg; Lulu, re: Scott: "Is it weird that I don't like him?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): The guy on the plane thinking mystery guy looked familiar, because I spent the whole episode thinking he looked familiar
Saddest moment: Lulu being overwhelmed at being in the same room with so many people she doesn't remember
Sweetest/cutest moments: Spencer and Nikolas; Mac's proposal
Least believable moment: Mac was the first person to say something about Luke's drinking
Hero of the week: Sonny, I guess
Most annoying character: Silas
Smartest character: Tracy, who is sooooo close to finally beating A.J.
Dumbest character: Kiki, who apparently doesn't think things through any better than Morgan does
Unanswered questions of the week: 1. Who is the mystery guy?
2. Who is Kevin's mystery patient?
Things we learned this week: 1. A.J. watched Top Chef while he was in hiding.
2. Dante takes Olivia to a shooting range.

May 18th, 2013


May 20th, 2013

Mystery guy visits Heather and asks for her help in making amends to Sam. Sonny and Michael bring Morgan back to Port Charles, and his parents immediately lay into him for his horrible, horrible choices. Morgan is still a complete jerk and plans to head straight back to New York. Meanwhile, Kiki (who's Lauren after all) tells Ava what happened with the Corinthoses, and Ava realizes that they're from the same town as the Quartermaines. It's not clear what she's hoping for, but she pretty much encourages Kiki to go after her boyfriend, which she does. Luke wants Tracy to be his "true north," but she's not willing to settle for being his second choice. She tells him she wants the kind of relationship that he had with Laura. Luke can't commit to that, so she tells him to leave. Lesley agrees to marry Scott and Laura, and unfortunately, she sees it through. Lulu has some sort of flashback to her own wedding, but it wasn't hers to Dante, so maybe Stavros married her? Lesley wonders if her mental block is psychological instead of physiological. Lulu heads back to the Haunted Star, where she encounters mystery guy. Sam and Spinelli get expositiony.

Once again, if mystery guy isn't Franco, I'm at a loss for who he might be. Who else a) has hurt Sam, b) used to live in Port Charles, and c) knows Heather? But would he just walk around town like that? And why would he go to the Haunted Star? ARG, I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.

I wonder if they're having Lauren go by Kiki so we don't have a Laura and a Lauren.

Great work by Jane Elliot and Tony Geary. I think even A.J. would feel bad for Tracy.

I really hope Lesley lied and didn't actually have any authority to perform a wedding ceremony. That would be a great twist.

Michael should have suggested that Morgan stay with Dante. He also should have left during the whole conversation and patted himself on the back for being the good child.

May 21st, 2013

Mystery guy (who knows Lulu) wants to rent the Haunted Star for a big party. She agrees to do business with him without asking for his name. Later, he sneaks into Crimson to retrieve...a DVD. Kiki invites herself to stay with Michael and Morgan. Silas shows up at the penthouse, wanting to connect with Rafe, but Sam is very unwelcoming, since he was such a jerk earlier. Rafe isn't any warmer, and could have used some warning that a guy who looks like his mother's murderer is in his home. Dante and Milo get into it again, and when Milo says Lulu obviously doesn't want to remember Dante, he gets punched. Sonny has to break things up and give Milo a lecture about his living arrangements. Lulu has another brief flash of a wedding. Alexis and Shawn learn about Molly and T.J.'s breakup and fight over who's to blame. Then they decide it doesn't matter and they'd rather have sex anyway. Connie's definitely regretting her decisions.

If mystery guy isn't Franco, we're all being catfished. Also, what would have happened if Lulu had recognized him?

I feel bad that Chad Duell has to watch Kristen Alderson make out with another guy right in front of him.

Heh, I hope Silas goes to the Rendezvous Motel.

I'm 95% sure that the person raising the toast in Lulu's flash of memory was Helena.

May 22nd, 2013

Kiki continues to bug Michael, then gains another foe when she meets Carly. Ava pays Tracy a visit and offers her Kiki's vote for a million dollars. She also urges Tracy to play dirty to get ahead of A.J. Lulu still can't get mystery guy to tell her his name, but he wants his party to be a big surprise. He's still working on the guest list, which includes Sam, Sonny, Carly, A.J., Michael, Maxie, Spinelli, and Elizabeth. Lucy starts a new business venture, the Stephen Clay Experience, which Silas dons a disguise to...well, experience. Things almost fall apart when Lucy finally sees him and mistakes him for his brother. Sam has to vouch for his identity, though it looks like Kevin has heard of him. Silas first offers Sam money for Rafe's care, then tells her he's filed for custody. Dante consults with Kevin, who agrees with Lesley that Lulu might unconsciously be resisting uncovering her memories. Lulu agrees to meet with him. Carly mistakes Elizabeth's concern over Morgan for knowledge of her romp with A.J., and almost spills the news herself, because despite being a seasoned liar, she sucks at it. Tracy nags A.J. again about taking responsibility for the relish, so A.J. tries again to tell Elizabeth about Carly, and again fails.

Congratulations, Kiki, you just flashed your cousin.

Seriously, guys, send Morgan to Dante's. I know he's distracted and all, but he'll still keep the kid in line.

While we're on the subject of ELQ shares, if Franco's alive, he would be entitled to 12%, yes?

Having gone on a Jack the Ripper Walk in London, Lucy's Tour of the Macabre and the Malevolent cracked me up.

May 23rd, 2013

Rafe learns that Silas wants to become his guardian, and gains allies in Sam and Alexis, neither of whom want to see him displaced. Mystery guy breaks into the penthouse, takes a picture of Jason, and does something with his DVD. Duke learns that both relishes were sabotaged, so A.J. doesn't have to take responsibility anymore, and also doesn't have to live under the threat of Tracy's blackmail. Tracy, however, already has a new plan in play. She first asks Nikolas to pay Ava for Kiki's vote, but he doesn't want to get involved. When he learns that a) A.J. slept with Carly and b) Tracy has proof, he pays a million dollars for the information. Sabrina suggests that Britt live with her instead of Patrick. This keeps Britt away from both Patrick and Emma, but, of course, it means Sabrina has to put up with her. Ellie thinks she lost a promotion because of karma. Spinelli continues to not know what the heck is going on around him.

Yes, mystery guy, Jason does have pretty eyes. You can stop gazing into them any time.

Sam, you may have security, but it sucks.

I hope Nikolas listened to Tracy's so-called "proof" before he paid her.

Why was Britt one of the deciding factors in who got a lab promotion? She's an OB/GYN on leave.

May 24th, 2013

Mystery guy narrowly misses being spotted at the penthouse, then hides in the closet while Sam and Spinelli discuss Lauren. Just as Sam notices a DVD in the open player, mystery guy sends out a mass text to all the party guests. It's the picture he took of Jason, with a summons to the Haunted Star, and the words, "I'll be there. Will you?" Lulu has a session with Kevin and realizes that she must have married Stavros on the boat. She also seems to remember something else but won't admit to it. Michael tries to snoop through Kiki's things but gets caught. Kiki realizes that Morgan's family doesn't like her, but he convinces her that it doesn't matter. Carly tries to talk to Sonny about Kiki, but he's not convinced that she's any kind of threat. Ava returns to the Quartermaines', looking for her money, and meets A.J. She attempts to start a bidding war for Kiki's vote, but Tracy keeps her quiet. Nikolas tries to tell Elizabeth and A.J. and Carly, but she's not in the mood, especially after she gets mystery guy's text.

Let's just get this out of the way. Here are the reasons mystery guy can't be Jason. Jason would not:

Also, he doesn't call Sam "Samantha." I think they realized they were making the Franco theory too obvious and they're trying to throw us off.

Lulu, you're a horrible liar.

Put your clothes on, Morgan. No one's ogling you when we have Shawn around.

Carly may rethink her claim that people close to Jason are being invited when she finds out Maxie's on the guest list.

Married: Scott Baldwin and Laura Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Alexis, after confusing Rafe for Shawn: "Sorry I called you handsome"; Lucy's Stephen Clay Experience; Michael: "Meet Morgan's girlfriend, Kiki. They just had sex in my bed"; Patrick comparing Britt to Fantine
Funniest moment (unintentional): "There's never a dull moment around here," says Duke, the show's most boring character. To quote Kimberly McCullough on Twitter: "'Actually, I have some important news about your relish' – Duke Lavery (former double agent)"
Saddest moment: Carly makes me sad when she talks about missing Jason
Sweetest/cutest moments: Sam being maternal with Rafe, and Rafe hugging her and thanking her for taking care of him; Sam reading Danny a travel guide
Least believable moments: Lucy didn't attend Scott and Laura's wedding; Britt was a factor in Brad's promotion over Ellie
Hero of the week: Kevin, who will no doubt bring an end to the amnesia storyline
Most annoying character: Morgan retains the crown for another week
Smartest character: Sabrina
Dumbest character: Mystery guy, definitely no master of stealth
Things we learned this week: 1. Lesley was ordained online (OR SO SHE SAYS).
2. She's also friends with Wiccans (ditto).
3. Kiki IS Lauren.

May 25th, 2013

Next week: The party don't start till mystery guy walks in.

May 28th, 2013

The party guests gather at the Haunted Star while mystery guy visits the Quartermaine mausoleum. He has to hide in a crypt when A.J. also shows up. At 8:00, mystery guy arrives on the yacht, and judging from everyone's reaction, he's definitely not Jason, and definitely not welcome. Dante invites himself to the party, having heard about it from Sonny, but leaves quickly with Lulu after Carly starts yelling at her. He takes her to their place, where she remembers more of her wedding to Stavros. Monica also tries to invite herself to the party, but A.J. talks her out of coming. Luke apologizes to Tracy, who tells him they can only be friends. They argue about his drinking again, but it goes nowhere. Then he collapses. Ava starts to tell Kiki about the Quartermaines, so it sounds like she has no idea who her paternal family is. Morgan tries and fails to fight temptation to gamble again.

You know what would've been funny? If someone other than mystery guy had show up at the party. That would have been an awesome bait and switch.

Not to belittle Maxie, but she said herself that she and Jason weren't close, so why didn't anyone wonder why she would be invited if the party had something to do with him?

"Did he have a scar?" Ha ha ha ha ha ha no.

I wish Tracy would ask Luke why he stopped drinking if he doesn't have a problem.

I only hope this Morgan plot leads to the return of the other resident gambling addict, Mike. And also that Maxie takes him shopping for new clothes.

May 29th, 2013

Franco's back and Toddlier than ever. Sonny wants to kill him, but Sam begs him to hold off since Franco hints that he has information about Jason. Instead of sharing it, he helps recap all his previous crimes. He's actually penitent about what he did to Sam, revealing that he didn't rape her, and showing video evidence to prove it. Carly calls for an apology for what he did to Michael, which means A.J.'s going to hear about it for the first time. Ava tells Kiki about her paternal family and presses her to sign over her shares. Kiki disapproves of the deal Ava made with Tracy and refuses to sign. Lulu remembers being forced to marry Stavros after Helena threatened to kill her family if she didn't. Furthermore, she was forced to consummate their marriage. Tracy gets Luke to the hospital, but he wakes up and insists that he's fine.

I'm officially okay with Todd being gone. Also, every time I see Franco, I feel like breaking into "I Hate Myself for Loving You." (Disclaimer: Yes, the whole thing is gross, and there were, like, half a dozen rape victims on the show today, and it's all just...disturbing. But I love a good villain, and I love Roger Howarth, and I need some Toddliness in my life.)

And you have to admit, it's a little clever that they found a way for Roger Howarth and Kristen Alderson to be father and daughter again.

A.J., be nice to your brother. He has more shares than Kiki does.

I'm so sure Helena's authorized to perform weddings.

Sure, Luke, everything's great. You're probably not in liver failure or anything.

Monica didn't get to go to the "party," AND she wasn't at the house to help Luke? I hope that means she's off having some hot affair. With...Coleman? Sure, with Coleman.

May 30th, 2013

A.J. won't shut up, so Michael finally tells him what happened in prison. Franco continues his retconning, showing video proof that he actually asked Carter to protect Michael, not hurt him. He also admits that he doesn't know anything about Jason's whereabouts and only used him to get everyone to the yacht. Sonny wants to kill him but allows Sam to do the honors. Instead, she cold-cocks Franco and leaves him alive so she won't be separated from her son. Lulu reveals that she refused to sleep with Stavros, even though she knew he would go after her family. Basically, she lost her memory because she was traumatized over the thought of being responsible for Nikolas' shooting. Dante magically heals her, and now she remembers everything. Luke probably has liver damage, and Tracy has to guilt him into letting himself be admitted to the hospital. Nikolas asks Alexis for advice on whether or not to tell Elizabeth about A.J. and Carly.

This is the most blatant retconning I've ever seen. Next we'll find out Franco wasn't a serial killer, just an angel of mercy, ending the lives of people with terminal illnesses.

If Carly ever hooks up with Franco, she'll be the new president of the Slept With Siblings Club. No one's slept with three brothers before.

More points to Emme Rylan for continuing to play Lulu the way she's always been played. There's one thing Lulu didn't remember, though: that Franco was the party thrower.

Heh, Alexis is all, "Ooh, gossip!" I love it.

May 31st, 2013

Michael and Kiki fight again, and she taunts that Carly is overprotective of Morgan. Michael blurts that it's because she knows all the bad things that can happen, then tells her he was raped. She's sympathetic and promises not to tell Morgan. Carly visits Franco to ask why he's suddenly repentant. He swears again that he never meant to hurt Michael, just Jason. She tells him he's the same person he always was, so he shouldn't expect forgiveness. Sonny's also at the police station, hoping for a visit, and he and Carly finally agree on something: Franco needs to die. Ava goes to the Quartermaines' to see Tracy but instead finds A.J., who tells her that Franco's alive. He also reveals that he knows she's Lauren's mother. Ava assures him that Lauren won't be giving Tracy her shares, then goes to see her ex. Luke attempts a hospital escape, but Tracy talks him into staying. When Lulu arrives, Luke tells her that Tracy's the one in need of medical attention. Milo reports Lulu missing to Anna, but Sonny tells him she left the yacht with Dante. Milo heads over to the loft and learns that Lulu got her memory back, so their little adventure is over. A.J. is really shaken by Michael's news from the "party"; when he tells Monica, she's in denial.

Is anyone else concerned with the number of times they've mentioned Claudia? Since lots of mentions of a character often means that person's coming back?

If they hadn't decided to bring Franco back for good, this plot would have made a good murder mystery.

Color me shocked and impressed that A.J. figured out who Ava is. Now he just needs to figure out who Kiki is.

Aww, Milo. He needs a girlfriend.

Nice of them to give Anna so much to do after she hasn't been on for a couple of weeks.

Arrested: Robert "Franco" Frank
Back from the dead: Robert "Franco" Frank
Hospitalized: Luke Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Stavros rolling his eyes at the "richer or poorer" part of the vows
Funniest moment (unintentional): Alexis barely being able to contain her glee over hearing the Carly/A.J. news
Saddest moments: All the Michael stuff; Milo lost his roommate
Sweetest/cutest moments: I liked how Carly and Sonny were protective of Sam at the "party"; Lulu saying how much Tracy means to her
Least believable moment: Lulu failed to mention that she saw Franco
Hero of the week: Sam, for hitting Franco
Most annoying character: Actually, no one bugged me that much this week
Smartest character: A.J. (who knew??)
Dumbest characters: It doesn't look like anyone heard them, but Sonny and Carly probably shouldn't talk about murder in the police station
Previously unanswered question now answered: Mystery guy is Franco.
Things we learned this week: 1. They had a memorial service for Jason, but we didn't get to see it.
2. Morgan shouldn't be allowed to dress himself.

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