May 3rd, 2014

Next week: Everybody come and play! Throw every last care away! Let's go to the ball! Today!

May 5th, 2014

Julian's apologetic about having to kill Ava, telling her he's only doing it because his boss is making him. Just as he's about to pull the trigger, Morgan knocks him out. He realizes that he's responsible for Ava's life being in danger, but he doesn't feel bad enough to take her back. While they fight, Julian starts to regain consciousness. By the time he's recovered enough to go for his gun again, Ava's grabbed it. Though Morgan has another chance to tell Olivia what Sonny and Ava did, he decides not to hurt her. But Alexis mentions to Olivia that Ava cheated on Morgan, and Olivia easily puts the rest together herself. The first part of the recording on A.J.'s phone isn't clear, but Carly and Franco can hear him accusing Ava of something. The second part is much clearer, and it's obvious that Sonny shot A.J. Of course, Carly doesn't want the police to find out that there's anything on the phone. Fluke tells Ned and Tracy that he's putting his own money into ELQ, and it certainly didn't come from any illegal activities, especially not drug deals. Carlos tells Sabrina that he lied before and really did kill A.J. Duke tells Anna that the Jeromes are bringing drugs into town and asks to help her bring them down. Anna's like, "My department can't even do that and it's supposed to be what we do for a living." Or maybe she says no because she can't exactly work with mobsters to bring down other mobsters.

Maybe don't stick around the scene of your near murder to talk to your ex-boyfriend about how you nailed his father? Maybe get out of there before you have another near murder?

Olivia scares me more than a lot of supposed villains on this show, so Godspeed, Sonny.

Seriously, Carlos, just rat Ava out right now. Also, please say hi to Johnny when you get to Pentonville.

Remember when Shawn got to do stuff? Yeah, me neither.

May 6th, 2014

Shawn manages to stop Ava before she can kill Julian, reminding her that killing him could hurt Danny. Unable to hurt Ava with a bullet, Julian tries another method of injury by telling Shawn that she shot Olivia. Ava blackmails Shawn to keep quiet by threatening to tell the police that Sonny killed A.J. Olivia forces Sonny to admit that he cheated on her with Ava, then dumps him. Carly and Franco tell Anna they didn't find A.J.'s phone, but Felix tells her they did. Franco decides their best option is to go on the lam. Morgan goes to Michael's looking for a place to stay and tells Kiki what their parents did. She begs him not to tell Michael yet since he's grieving for A.J. Michael asks Fluke to convince Tracy to make an ELQ donation to the Nurses' Ball in A.J.'s name. Mac doesn't like the vegan version of Maxie but is happy that she's happy.

Oh, yeah. Keeping secrets from Sonny is always a good idea.

Nice move, Julian. Now Ava could have a target on her back but you don't have to pull the trigger.

Carly, I bet Spinelli could help you out with that recording...

I want Mac to meet Nathan. I think he'd like him. Then he could bug Maxie to dump Levi and date Nathan instead.

May 7th, 2014

Port Charles residents get ready for the Nurses' Ball, which Obrecht seemingly threatens to cancel, though it turns out she just wants to sing. Nathan accuses Maxie of being Levi's "puppet," only doing what he says she should instead of thinking for herself. Levi gets in the middle and again asks that Nathan be evicted from the apartment. Maxie puts her foot down there, but not when Levi talks her out of going to the ball. Ned asks Kiki to try another sting on Fluke. Michael overhears and they tell him what Fluke's been up to, leading Michael to want to go after Fluke. Kiki quickly agrees to the sting so Michael will keep his hands to himself, but Ned might have another idea. Cameron brags to Spencer that he and Emma are performing together, making Spencer even surer that he's lost Emma forever. Nikolas tries to comfort him, since he's feeling the same re: Elizabeth and Ric. Tracy finally gets suspicious of Fluke when he doesn't object to Scott wanting to go to the ball with Bobbie. Lucy freaks out over an innocent joke Kevin makes about her leaving him for another man. Fluke tells Tracy about Michael's desired donation, then quickly talks her out of agreeing to it.

I know we're supposed to see Levi as controlling, and Maxie as a wimp for going along with whatever he wants, but NO WAY would she not say anything about going to ball. Robin is her cousin, for crying out loud!

Nathan is going to be in the Magic Milo routine. I repeat: NATHAN IS GOING TO BE IN THE MAGIC MILO ROUTINE. This is not a drill!

Every time Ned calls Luke a degenerate, Edward...what's the opposite of rolling over in one's grave?

How much do you think I would have to pay Shawn to take out a hit on Mr. Marbles?

May 8th, 2014

The ball attendees walk the red carpet while those not attending watch on TV. Things start off normal enough, but Obrecht hijacks the opening number to turn it into a performance of Cabaret. Maxie can't stop herself from watching the ball even as Levi keeps objecting. Finally he decides that they should go after all. Olivia has to dodge questions about her date for the evening, then grabs Ned to escort her down the red carpet. Later, she blurts out to Dante and Lulu that she and Sonny are fighting because he cheated on her. Cameron taunts Spencer both on TV and via text, to the point where Spencer decides he needs to go to the ball. Lucy and Scott need to stay away from each other, seriously. Sam is the Jennifer Lawrence of the red carpet. Brad and Britt are Statler and Waldorf, but whichever one Brad is gets silenced when Lucas and Felix walk the carpet together.

I have to say, I preferred Obrecht's opening number to the cheesiness we were going to be subjected to.

Favorite dress: Lulu's. Gorgeous cut, great color. I also liked the color of Olivia's, though not the design so much. And Kiki looked especially pretty.

I guess the Haunted Star still exists, since it was on the wall of sponsors.

Have Ned and Olivia ever even met?

May 9th, 2014

Performances include the teens through mid-30s crowd doing Pink's "Raise Your Glass" with Kiki on lead, Eddie Maine doing something about a wolf (I don't know), and Fluke singing "I Am What I Am." At the end of his song, Fluke asks Tracy to marry him in the ballroom in front of everyone. To Ned's horror, Lucy marries them. His plan is still in play, though. Then the ball turns into a delayed bachelorette party, with Milo, Michael, Nathan, Lucas, Felix, and T.J. gifting us with Magic Milo II: Even Magicier. Nathan and Maxie are happy to see each other (and she's even happier to see him once he takes the stage). Levi is an annoying whiner and Maxie needs to kick him to the curb stat. Lucas and Felix inadvertently make Brad jealous, so Brad makes Britt crash the ball with him. Spencer schemes with Lesley to create a surprise for Emma. Elizabeth catches Tracy's bouquet, and shut up, Ric.

5,000 points to whoever chose Fluke's song.

Levi: "What a waste." Felicia: "What a waist! What a chest!" Felicia's really grown on me over the years.

How is Milo single? I mean, honestly.

Sonny and Shawn's faces during the Magic Milo routine were priceless. They were both thinking, "I don't know what to do with any of this."

If I had any doubts that Maxie and Nathan should be together, they disappeared when he eye-flirted with her during his performance. Ryan Paevey was perfect during those scenes (and I'm not just talking about his body).

I don't have a category for "most disturbing moment," but if I did, this week's would be little Molly Lansing Davis screaming for her boyfriend to strip in front of his mother and both of her parents. (Speaking of which – has anyone seen Ric say anything to Molly at the ball? Just wondering.)

"You never know what could happen at the Nurses' Ball!" Spencer, you've never even been to one. Chill.

Scorecard:
Broke up: Sonny Corinthos and Olivia Falconeri
Married: Tracy Quartermaine and Fluke Spencer

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Maxie: "I wish I had the legs to pull that off. Anna looks great, too"; the red carpet MC's hatred of Mr. Marbles
Funniest moment (unintentional): Tyler Christopher almost cracking up at Spencer's dialogue
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Tracy being proud of Ned
Least believable moment: Obrecht managed to recruit a bunch of nurses who can dance, and put together a whole routine in just a few hours
Best instance of continuity: The freaking Aztec jewels
Worst instance of continuity: I guess Elizabeth is okay wearing red dresses again?
Hero of the week: Shawn
Most annoying character: Obrecht
Smartest character: Fluke
Dumbest character: Mac, for being able to read a dang room
Previously unanswered question now answered: Obrecht got the GH board to hire her by saving the hospital financially.
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Magic Milo and the Wands, of course

The week in a nutshell:

• The Nurses' Ball kicked off with a surprise performance by Obrecht. Various other people did various other things of varying levels of embarrassment, and then guys took their clothes off and everyone was happy.
• Fluke and Tracy got married.
• Morgan prevented Julian from killing Ava, and Shawn prevented Ava from killing Julian. In the end, Ava took off for Sonny's island unscathed. Julian told Shawn that Ava shot Olivia, but Shawn's smart enough not to tell Sonny, at least not right now.
• Olivia figured out that Sonny slept with Ava and dumped him.
• Carly and Franco took A.J.'s phone and fled.
• Nathan told Maxie that she's letting Levi control her too much.

May 10th, 2014

Next week: The guys put their clothes back on. BOO!

May 12th, 2014

The performances continue: Brad does a super-autotuned version of Karmin's "Broken-Hearted." Epiphany interrupts Mac's ventriloquism act to smash Mr. Marbles to bits. A guy named Eddie Gomez gets some national exposure. Maxie, Lulu, Kiki, Molly, and Sam are the Haunted Starlets, doing a song-and-sort-of-dance routine to "I Love It." Emma and Cameron start their tango, but Spencer Kanyes them with a surprise appearance by Player. Also, Blackie Parrish was supposed to sing but never showed up. Sonny, Ric, Scott, Brad, Britt, and Spencer take advantage of Player's performance of "Baby Come Back" to try to get their exes back. Ned is delighted to inform Fluke that he's fired from ELQ because Tracy's no longer the CEO. He secretly called an emergency board meeting (via phone, I guess) and got a bunch of people to oust Tracy and vote in Michael in her place. Alexis and Jordan meet.

I'm interested to know who else took part in the ELQ vote. Maya? I thought I made a list of shareholders back when all that stuff was going on, but I can't find it, so I don't remember how much everyone has.

Please tell me Britt doesn't really think that Spencer yelling at Emma about an egg is equivalent to her STEALING A CHILD, and that they require the same effort to forgive.

I thought they were going to come back from the first commercials and pretend Blackie had performed and already left the stage.

Yes, Spencer. You had to do something "bold and beautiful" for Emma. Because Ronn Moss is in Player. And he's on The Bold and the Beautiful. We get it, writers.

May 13th, 2014

Final performances: Molly, T.J., Kate Grahn, and girls with hula hoops do Depeche Mode's "Just Can't Get Enough." Emma sings "Little Things." Obrecht tries to win her children over with "You Were Always On My Mind. Epiphany wraps things up with that song Sabrina and Patrick sang last year. Scott pesters Lucy so much that she gets flustered and winds up backstage in her underwear. When the curtain comes up, they're kissing, so that secret's out, unfortunately for Kevin. Patrick and Sabrina's baby has breathing problems, and they get kicked out of the NICU in case they gave him an infection. They're distressed, but uplifted when their family and friends come to see them after the ball. Britt, Nikolas is not going to forgive you so stop asking. Emma forgives Spencer but won't break up with Cameron for him. Lucas tells Brad that he and Felix are together. Elizabeth agrees to give Ric a second chance, possibly just so he'll shut up already.

Yay for Felix – he did a great job as substitute MC.

As usual, Scott ruins everything.

Guys, Lynn Herring is 55 and has had two kids, and she might have the best body of any woman on the show. Even Finola Hughes.

Even if Nikolas were able to forgive Britt, he'd basically be siding with her over Lulu, and I don't see that happening.

May 14th, 2014

Happy Sex and Violence Day! Bobbie accuses Lucy of going after Scott because she was jealous of who he took to the ball. The two women have a massive catfight that Felicia has to break up, but not before it's captured by a photographer. Felicia tries to keep the story off the front page by offering the exclusive news that she's running for mayor. When that doesn't work, she trades her Aztec jewels for the photographer's camera. Scott makes the stupid mistake of taunting Kevin, so Kevin hits him. Scott mentions that Mac also hit him months ago, and Kevin puts it together that Mac knew about Scott and Lucy's affair. Kevin and Mac have a big fight, wrecking the Floating Rib, but ultimately settle their problems. Alexis lets Julian spend the night for the first time. On their way...somewhere, Carly and Franco have an airplane-sex-related comedy of errors. Anna decides to stop worrying about her job for the evening and enjoy being with Duke. Jordan tries to remind Shawn of the fun times the two of them used to have with Tommy, but he thinks things are too different now for them to go back to that kind of relationship.

Yes, Lucy, it is a small world. Everyone on this show who doesn't live in New York lives in Seattle.

To be fair to Lucy, Bobbie did get paid to have sex. She can be offended all she wants, but she was a hooker. It's not like she keeps it a secret.

Thank you for the Damian Smith reference! He's one of my guesses for Fluke's real identity.

Julian, of all the fictional people you could have pretended to lose your virginity to, you chose JANICE SOPRANO?

Apparently Crimson is still being published – a woman was reading it on the plane.

May 15th, 2014

Fluke wants to start coming up with a plan to get ELQ back to Tracy, but she wants to take some time to enjoy being married. He resists sleeping with her, only agreeing to do it when he realizes he can just picture Kiki instead. Michael isn't sure he can run ELQ successfully and considers handing control over to Ned. Kiki encourages him to stay in charge and give A.J. a positive legacy. Tracy tells Michael that he only won the CEO position out of pity, and Ned is using him. Michael and Kiki try again to tell her that Fluke is bad news, and Michael pulls the "has he ever forced himself on a woman?" card. Duke gets information on the next drug shipment and suggests to Sonny that they pass it along to Anna. Sonny's half interested in taking down Julian and half interested in finding out who he's working with. Duke ultimately gives Anna the information, and though she first says she'll only take it if Duke quits working for Sonny, she winds up accepting it without that assurance. Alexis pushes Julian to leave the mob so they can have a normal relationship and she won't be a hypocrite. She'd also like to know who his secret partner is, but Julian tells her that that information would put her and her family in danger. The embryo is Dante and Lulu's, and Lulu thinks they should do something with it sooner rather than later, since they had to sacrifice Obrecht's punishment to get it. Dante points out that they'd need a (trustworthy) surrogate, but Lulu thinks she can carry a baby. Fluke runs into Sonny and cautions him to keep an eye out for Michael, since this is a dangerous time for people with the last name Corinthos. Sonny doesn't pick up on the possibility that this is a threat. Jordan uses her drug money to buy T.J. a car, so cue more threats between her and Shawn.

Michael, you don't have to apologize to Edward. I'm sure he's loving this. He wasn't a Luke fan either, remember.

Isn't Sonny and Duke calling in the police like when you're fighting with your sibling, and you think it's all innocent, and your sibling suddenly screams for your mom?

For some reason, I loved seeing Jordan pass by in the background while Duke was giving Anna the info on the drug shipment. If she'd stepped outside five seconds earlier, she might have heard what they were talking about.

I don't doubt that Alexis is in love with Julian and wants to help him. But I also don't doubt that if he told her who Fluke is, she wouldn't tell Sonny. So while he should trust her, he shouldn't trust her that much.

So Lulu wants to be her own surrogate? I'm so confused.

May 16th, 2014

Julian tells Fluke he quits, but now that Fluke doesn't have access to ELQ anymore, he needs Julian's front company more than ever. Plus, he has a shipment coming in soon and needs Julian to accept it. Julian tells him that Jordan will take care of it, refusing to back down even when Fluke makes vague threats about hurting someone he cares about. Julian is only able to exit when he threatens to expose Fluke's identity. But Fluke won't let him go that easily, heading over to the lakehouse with a gun. Shawn objects to Sonny and Duke's decision to give Anna info on the Jeromes' shipment, since it could get Jordan in trouble. Duke's understandably worried that Shawn will tip Jordan off, and he's right to be. Alexis begs Ric to release Julian from the mob, so he has to tell her for the hundredth time that they're not working together. Elizabeth secretly moves back home, and when Nikolas confronts her, she admits that she and Ric are back together. Nikolas tells her that she's making as big a mistake as she thought he was when he picked Britt over her. He even kisses her to try to change her mind. It doesn't work, and Elizabeth tells him they're never going to be on the same page at the same time, so they need to stop fooling themselves. Lulu's interested in a procedure that could allow her to carry a baby. T.J. overhears Jordan talking about the shipment on the phone, but she's able to cover for herself.

With all the mentions of Victor Jerome, I kind of wondered if that's who Fluke is, but it doesn't sound likely. Julian seemed to refer to Victor and Fluke as two different people.

Whoever Fluke is, he did his research – he knows that Luke calls Alexis "Natasha."

Shawn, no! Snitches get stitches!

After all this time, I still like Dante and Lulu's relationship. I appreciate that they can disagree with each other, discuss things without yelling, and put whatever the subject aside when necessary. It's so nice to see that on a soap.

Scorecard:
Back together: Ric Lansing and Elizabeth Webber
Broke up: Lucy Coe and Kevin Collins

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): "Good night, Julian." "Good night, Janice"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Alexis to Ric: "You have a history of lying, or worse." Yes, Alexis. "Worse"
Saddest moment: Kevin and Lucy's fight
Sweetest/cutest moment: Everyone going to the hospital to see Patrick and Sabrina after the ball
Least believable moment: "Hey, Grandma Lesley, I need you to call in a favor with a friend of yours who's in a band I most likely have never heard of, since I'm eight, and get the band to upstate New York in the next 30 minutes so I can crash a big gala. Thanks, you really are a peach"
Best instance of continuity: Epiphany singing the song Patrick and Sabrina sang last year, which turned into their version as everyone was going to support them at GH
Worst instance of continuity: If there's anything I don't believe, it's that Carly isn't already a member of the Mile-High Club
Heroes of the week: Epiphany, for taking out Mr. Marbles; Felix, for stepping in for Lucy
Most annoying character: No one was super-annoying this week, but Elizabeth bugged me, mainly because she clearly has learned nothing over the years
Smartest character: Duke, who (unlike Sonny) realized that Shawn can't be trusted where Jordan's concerned
Dumbest character: Fluke, for not coming up with an alibi Tracy can't easily pick apart
Things we learned this week: 1. Julian and Alexis both watched The Sopranos.
2. Julian and Fluke have been working together for years.
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Kevin decking Scott

The week in a nutshell:

• Ned called an emergency ELQ board vote and got Tracy booted in favor of Michael. Fluke got anxious about getting back control, but Tracy was more interested in being a newlywed.
• Alexis talked Julian into quitting the mob, but his resignation put a target on her back.
• Lucy and Scott's affair was accidentally exposed, so she and Kevin are through. Lucy and Bobbie also got into a slap fight, and Kevin punched both Scott and Mac.
• The embryo Obrecht was holding on to is, in fact, Dante and Lulu's. Lulu expressed her desire to carry her own child.
• Elizabeth chose Ric over Nikolas.
• Jordan bought T.J. a car with drug money, giving Shawn something else to complain about.
• Carly and Franco joined the Mile-High Club.
• Patrick and Sabrina's baby had a setback.
• Lucas told Brad that he and Felix are dating.

May 17th, 2014

Next week: A visit from an old friend.

May 19th, 2014

Fluke pretends he's concerned over Alexis' safety since she's dating Julian, but she tells him Julian's considering leaving the business. As Fluke prepares to plug her, T.J. interrupts and inadvertently calls off his plan. Fluke moves on to plan B, which will involve a hired gun. Duke tells Sonny that he thinks Shawn might warn Jordan about the police showing up at her pickup. Meanwhile, Shawn starts to do just that, but Julian's arrival combined with Duke's warning that Sonny wouldn't appreciate disloyalty make him change his mind. Though he doesn't want Jordan to get arrested, he's ready for T.J. to find out who his mother really is. Julian tells Jordan that he's skipping the pickup but won't tell her who she'll be answering to now. He'll only warn her to look out for herself when she meets him. Julian summons Alexis, Sam, and Lucas to dinner at the gallery so he can announce his change of employment. Silas gets flowers with a note that reads, "I miss you. Love, me." He thinks they're from Sam, but of course they're not. Lucas invites Felix to dinner; he's hesitant about possibly ticking Brad off (as if they should worry about his feelings) but can't resist Lucas' charm or the possibility of drama at dinner.

I just want to repeat here that I still think Jordan's an undercover DEA agent. It would be an awesome development if she gets arrested, tells Anna who she really is, and gives the PCPD inside info on the organization.

Also, if Jordan does get arrested, Shawn's going to break out a huge "I told you so."

I love that while (mostly) everyone else thinks Fluke's perfectly normal, T.J. meets him and five minutes later says, "That guy's weird." P.S. For a fun story, T.J., ask Alexis how she and Luke first became friends.

If I were Felix, I wouldn't be able to resist Lucas either. And that's setting aside seeing him playing with Danny.

May 20th, 2014

Julian tells his family that he's going legit, which they're very happy to hear. Alexis mentions that Luke will be pleased, since he came by expressing concern over the possibility of retaliation reaching her. Julian doesn't think he has anything to worry about. He's wrong, since Fluke has put a hit out on Alexis, Sam, or Lucas (shooter's choice), and the hitman has arrived, disguised himself as a waiter, and opened fire. Carly and Franco reach their destination – Portland, where Spinelli is thrilled to help them bring down Ava. Ellie is less thrilled to have to make small talk with Franco. Maxie is summoned to court for a custody hearing but doesn't want to go, telling Nathan she's not going to fight to get Georgie back. He basically tells her she's an idiot, and she tells him to shut up. Later, though, she changes her mind. Lulu runs into Fluke and mentions that Dante's off on a drug bust. Dante and Anna stake out the pickup, wondering if Julian really thinks that having dinner at the gallery will be enough of an alibi. Jordan easily steps into the role of boss, though Julian's men wonder why he would put someone he barely knows in charge.

Let's hope that gun Sam has a permit to carry is on her person tonight.

Lulu: YOUR FATHER CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR HUSBAND'S NAME. WHY AREN'T YOU CONCERNED?

Maxie, I don't think you're allowed to just not answer a summons anyway.

I don't know who I was more excited to see – Spinelli, Ellie, or Georgie.

May 21st, 2014

Lucas is the hitman's unlucky target, mostly because the hitman couldn't bring himself to shoot a Davis girl. Anna detains Julian, wanting to arrest him for the drug pickup, and when he resists, she takes him in for that. One of the Jerome henchmen opens fire on the police, but the only casualties are the drug dealers. Jordan and one of the henchmen get arrested, but Jordan insists that the police have captured the wrong person...because she's an undercover DEA agent. Fluke has no problem offing the hitman with his own gun. Shawn tells T.J. all of Jordan's secrets and nearly tells him the truth about his father's death as well. T.J. doesn't believe him, but when he goes to the docks and sees the aftermath of the bust and shootout, he has to believe that his mom really is one of the bad guys. Carly and Franco learn from A.J.'s phone that Ava killed Connie, and that Sonny had no idea when he killed A.J. They gleefully make plans to return to Port Charles and bust her. Shawn reports to Sonny that the Jeromes have been taken down, and Sonny calls Ava to tell her she can come back to town. Morgan demands to know why Sonny hooked up with Ava, considering he hated her five minutes before their clothes came off.

Obviously there's never a good time or place to get shot, but at least lucas had a doctor and a nurse with him.

I heart being right. Thanks, Jordan!

Dear Harry, Fluke did you a favor, because you were an idiot. Six people could have ID'd you, and one was a PI.

When did Franco get so annoying? (I know, some people are saying "get"?)

May 22nd, 2014

Alexis begs Julian to tell her who he works for, but Julian knows that Lucas' shooting was a warning from Fluke, and he's not going to be able to leave the mob. Jordan's DEA story checks out, and Anna's mad that she didn't know anything about the infiltration. Jordan explains that other agencies no longer trust her because of her relationship with Duke. She thinks the bust ruined all her hard work, so Anna suggests that they work together to get to whoever Julian's been working for. Fluke pulls a gun on Ned, threatening to kill him and make it look like he committed suicide. Tracy walks in on the scene, so Fluke makes up a story about mistaking Ned for an intruder. Tracy believes him and tells Ned to leave. The dead hitman is taken to the hospital, where Sam and Silas ID him as Lucas' shooter. Nathan wonders if Sonny was behind the hit, but Sam has, like, five reasons that's wrong, starting with Lucas being Carly's brother and ending with the fact that Julian's boss had to have been behind it. With Julian supposedly taken down, Duke tells Sonny he's done with the mob. Sonny gets his assurance that he won't tell anyone he killed A.J. T.J. turns to Molly for comfort. Ric and Elizabeth are boring.

Julian, sweetie, it's time to make a deal with the DA and give up Fluke.

Tracy, you can't kick Ned out! It's not your house!

Nathan: "Is it possible that XYZ mobby mobby mob?" Sam: "Let me learn you a thing about how that all works."

Don't you hate it when you think your boss is going to kill you, but he really just wants to get drunk with you?

I was about 90 percent sure Molly and T.J. were going to wind up in bed by the end of the episode. Oh, well.

May 23rd, 2014

Carly decides to turn the recording over to Sonny, figuring that if she gave it to the police and they arrested Ava, Ava would rat Sonny out for killing A.J. Little does she know that Shawn is also giving Sonny information on Ava's crimes, namely that she shot Olivia. Fluke tries to pull an Ava and kill Lucas, but Bobbie interrupts him. Alexis tells Fluke that she's trying to get Julian to flip on his boss, which Fluke says is a horrible idea. He gets Alexis to lead Bobbie away from Lucas' room so he can attempt to kill him again. Julian reminds Scott that he's only the DA because Julian gave him dirt on Lazaro, so now he wants the favor repaid. Scott supposedly takes him to an arraignment, but it looks like he actually let him go. T.J. gives Jordan back the car she bought him, letting her know how angry he is that she's a criminal. Kevin tells Lucy he wants a divorce since she clearly still loves Scott.

I'd totally forgotten that Julian told Shawn that Ava shot Olivia. Nice deployment of that, Shawn.

I'd also forgotten that Julian got Scott elected (er, "elected"). Even nicer deployment of that, Julian.

Since Jordan used drug money (well, okay, probably not really) to buy T.J.'s car, wouldn't the police seize it?

Is there anyone out there who feels sorry for Lucy? I can't summon the energy.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Jordan Ashford (sort of), Julian Jerome
Injured: Lucas Jones

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Sam: "How can I be the jealous type when I have a permit to carry a gun?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ned's "how are you going to explain this?" face when Tracy caught Fluke holding a gun on him, followed by Fluke's "oh, son, you underestimate me" face
Saddest moment: Kevin, some more, again
Sweetest/cutest moment: Lucas, Danny, and Sam's family time
Least believable moment: I have no idea why Jordan thinks T.J. would be in danger if he knew she's a DEA agent
Best instance of continuity: Morgan recognizing that Sonny always takes his flavor of the month to the island
Worst instance of continuity: Fluke said that Brook won't talk to Ned, but a) how does he know that, and b) since when?
Heroes of the week: Silas and Felix, for being calm under pressure
Most annoying character: Franco. Leave Ellie alone!
Smartest character: I think I'll go with Carly
Dumbest character: Lucy, who thought Kevin wanted to reconcile after he spent five minutes yelling at her
Things we learned this week: 1. Spinelli's a stay-at-home dad now
2. Jimmy Kimmel is familiar with the Nurses' Ball

The week in a nutshell:

• The police busted the Jeromes' drug pickup and arrested Jordan. It turned out she's an undercover DEA agent, and she and Anna made a deal to work together to bring down the real head of the organization.
• Fluke sent a hitman to Julian's dinner party at the gallery, and he shot Lucas. Fluke killed the hitman, then tried to finish Lucas off himself.
• Carly and Franco went to Portland and enlisted Spinelli to recover the recording on A.J.'s phone. From it they learned that Ava, not A.J., killed Connie, and Carly wanted Sonny to be the first to know.
• Fluke threatened to kill Ned, who still couldn't get Tracy to believe him.
• Maxie was summoned to court for a custody hearing, and Nathan had to yell at her to get her to decide to attend.
• Someone sent Silas flowers.
• T.J. was disheartened to learn that Jordan is very different from the person he thought she was.
• Duke quit the mob.
• Kevin won't be forgiving Lucy anytime soon.
• Lil' Georgie remained adorable.

May 24th, 2014

Next week: Ric's in trouble. Are you sure about your choice now, Elizabeth?

May 27th, 2014

Carly plays the recording for Sonny, who's upset not only because Ava played him, but also because he killed an innocent man and has been working with his fiancée's killer. (Also, he slept with her, but fortunately, he doesn't tell Carly that.) He immediately heads to the island intending to kill her. Julian stops Fluke from killing Lucas and threatens to go to the police with his identity. Fluke gets him to back off by threatening the rest of his family. He then outlines his plan to get back on top even without access to ELQ. Sabrina names the baby Gabriel (after her mother, Gabriela) Drake Santiago. Kiki questions her mother's choice in...well, not bed buddies. Crypt buddies, I guess. Lulu admits to Dante that she made an appointment about possible implanting the embryo. She offers to cancel it if he objects, but he tells her to keep it. Ric uses Cameron to get a date with Elizabeth.

Not that I want it to go this way or anything, but...why doesn't Julian just kill Fluke?

A+ on the baby's name, Sabrina. Interesting that she immediately went with Santiago instead of Drake for the last name, though.

"You slept with your boyfriend's father." And you slept with your boyfriend's brother. What's your point, Kiki?

Once again, Dante and Lulu had a mature discussion instead of fighting, and were both willing to compromise. Everyone else in town must think they're so weird.

Does Patrick know that Emma's hanging out with Ric?

New drinking game: Drink whenever someone mentions BLTs.

May 28th, 2014

Sonny spends an hour telling Ava he knows all her secrets. Julian considers giving in and going back to the mob, even if it jeopardizes his relationship with Alexis. In the end, though, he goes to the PCPD and tells Anna he's ready to cooperate. Olivia gives Carly some of the gossip she missed when she was out of town, like how Morgan and Ava broke up, and how it was because Sonny slept with Ava. Carly assures her that those two won't be getting back together. Tracy finally admits that Fluke is acting weird, even if Ned's accusations are false. Lulu tells her that it's because he's planning her honeymoon, and she has nothing to worry about. Fluke has run-ins with Ric, who wants him to stop telling stories about him, and Olivia, who should probably be a little more concerned that a married man is hitting on her. Ric also has a run-in with Carly, and I could have watched a whole hour of that. Anna tells Dante that Jordan has to be released because he screwed up her Miranda warning, though at least she does him the courtesy of telling him what's really going on. Jordan tells Shawn that as soon as she's released, she'll be going straight back to work. Ric and Elizabeth blah blah snore.

Ava, you need to work on your poker face.

Why do I get the feeling Julian won't actually tell Anna who he's working for?

Can't wait till Lulu finds out that "travel agent" is the guy who shot her cousin.

That Carly/Ric scene was both satisfying and way too short.

Elizabeth may have bad taste in men, but she has nice taste in dresses.

May 29th, 2014

Ava begs Sonny to spare her life, even telling him she's willing to go to prison as long as he doesn't kill her. Sonny doesn't negotiate, though, so she has to turn to plan B: telling him she's pregnant. Anna refuses to make a deal with Julian, but it doesn't matter, since he already has one in the works with Scott. And it really doesn't matter, since he doesn't give them Fluke's name – he gives them Ric's. Then he goes to Alexis' and tells her he's out of the business, so when she inevitably finds out he's lying, he is SO sleeping on the couch. Fluke is forced to go along with the honeymoon story, since Tracy can't keep her mouth shut. But before he heads off for their mystery destination, he goes to Miscavige to visit the real Luke. Elizabeth and Ric are definitely back together, but their reunion romp in the sack is interrupted when the police show up to search Ric's room. Thanks to planted evidence from Fluke, Ric's in a lot of trouble. Kiki tells Michael that Sonny and Ava hooked up, promising not to keep any more secrets from him. Then they have sex in his office, which is totally not why Edward started ELQ, you guys. Nikolas complains about Ric and Elizabeth to Alexis, who questions whether he's really in love with Elizabeth.

I will give $5 to the first person brave enough to ask Ava which Corinthos is the possibly-not-actually-real baby's father.

BRB, I have to go rub it in to my mom that I've been right about Luke/Fluke for months.

Can Elizabeth at least get dressed? I mean, geez. Why did Ric open the door while she was still in bed anyway?

I'm taking up a collection to buy Kiki an intact pair of pants.

May 30th, 2014

Fluke does that typical villain thing where he tells Luke everything (except who he is). Sonny has a healthy amount of skepticism about Ava's claims, even though she has a positive pregnancy test backing her up. However, even she admits that Morgan could be the baby's father. Sonny tells her that they'll be returning to Port Charles, where she'll see a doctor of his choosing, and he'll either kill her right after that or wait nine months. Ric insists he's innocent, of course, not realizing that Fluke drugged him the previous night so he could get access to his room, get his fingerprints on the hitman's gun, and plant the weapon. Julian spins a story to Alexis about Ric heading up the family, though he seems a little sorry about lying. Elizabeth tells Alexis about Ric's arrest, growing furious when she learns that Alexis won't help him because of Julian. Morgan looks to Olivia for comfort, but fortunately, she has no interest in joining the Slept With Father and Son Club.

It would have been a nice development for Fluke to reveal who he is, then disappear for a few weeks, leaving us to reflect on the information without any progress in the plot. But nooooooooo. We have to waaaaaaaaait.

Oh, hey, Ava gets the $5 I offered yesterday.

I can't believe I'm siding with Elizabeth, but...yeah, Alexis, why ARE you believing Julian over Ric?

Olivia, on her reaction if Carly were to ever sleep with Dante: "First I would kick her a%$, and then I would kill her." And that's why we love you, Liv.

Scorecard:
Arrested: Ric Lansing

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Dante spelling "dead" in front of Rocco
Funniest moment (unintentional): "It's either your child or your grandchild." I mean...
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Rocco, my anti-drug
Least believable moment: Sonny got to the island during a commercial break. I mean, Carly was still in his office!
Best instance of continuity: Emma's stuffed koalas (and one's name is Scorpio!)
Worst instance of continuity: So...no one cares that Fluke is drinking?
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: I can't really think of anyone
Smartest character: I hate to say it, but Ava
Dumbest character: N/A
Best/most memorable moment of the week: Franco and Ric meeting

The week in a nutshell:

• Carly played A.J.'s recording for Sonny, who made a beeline for the island to kill Ava. Ava was able to hold him off by telling him she's pregnant.
• Fluke lured Julian back to the fold by threatening all of his loved ones. Julian reluctantly mobbed up again and ratted Ric out to the police.
• Fluke also paid the real Luke a visit, then took Tracy on their honeymoon, his hand being forced by Lulu telling Tracy the lie he fed her.
• Sabrina named the baby Gabriel Drake Santiago.
• Jordan got out of jail, and Dante was let in on her and Anna's plans.
• Nikolas wanted Elizabeth back, but she'd already moved on with Ric.
• Morgan tried to hook up with a new cougar.

May 31st, 2014

Next week: Let's hope Danny's birthday is better than it was last year.

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