General Hospital blog - May, 2015

May 1st, 2015

After everyone walks the red carpet, the nurses kick off the ball with the same number they did last year. Obrecht surprises everyone by waiting until they're done to show up and sing "99 Luftballons." Carly asks Ric for a ceasefire so he'll be even more blindsided by her big revelation. He has Molly give Elizabeth a ring while he sings Bruno Mars' "Marry You," but Carly interrupts his accompanying Ric/Elizabeth slideshow with Hayden and "Jake"'s wedding picture. She makes her big announcement, leading Elizabeth to tell Ric she's done with him forever, and Hayden to mope off with her tail between her legs. Elizabeth realizes that this means Jason's single and there's nothing left to keep them apart. Then Nikolas drops the bombshell that he's Jason. Brad takes over Ric's performance, realizing that he wants to marry Lucas. Britt visits Spencer to encourage him to go to the ball and show everyone how awesome he is. Seeing Nathan and Ellie together flusters Maxie, who trips and almost has a wardrobe malfunction.

Holy cooooooooow. I didn't expect Nikolas to start being honest all of a sudden. Now Elizabeth gets the chance to earn some respect from me – if she keeps this quiet, she's exactly as awful as I've always thought.

"We're looking for something dumb to do" indeed. Looks good on you, Ric.

No Mac, Felicia, Monica, or Bobbie? BOOOO. Bobbie's going to be mad if Lucas gets engaged and she's the only one not there to see it. (Speaking of which, Carly should go give Jason's fake wedding ring to Brad.)

I can't choose a favorite dress. I liked almost all of them. Great job by the wardrobe department this year.

Back in town: Britt Westbourne
Broke up: Ric Lansing and Elizabeth Webber

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Lulu's reaction to Nikolas and Rosalie's alleged relationship; Lucas calling a Magic Milo run-through an "undress rehearsal"; Brad and Lucas exchanging money
Funniest moments (unintentional): Lulu thinks living at Wyndemere will be calming for Valerie, as if any place Spencer lives can be calming; Sam's "welp" face after Carly confirmed to Jason that Hayden lied
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moments: Y'all know I can't stand her, but Britt going to see Spencer was sweet. And Brad and Lucas were cute during Brad's number. And now I hate myself
Least believable moment: N/A
Best instance of continuity: Elizabeth caught the bouquet at Luke and Tracy's Nurses' Ball wedding
Worst instance of continuity: Sabrina's no longer a GH nurse, so why was she in the GH nurses' number?
Hero of the week: Carly, all the way
Most annoying character: Britt
Smartest character: Molly, for trying to talk Ric out of proposing to Elizabeth
Dumbest character: Ric

The week in a nutshell:

May 4th, 2015

Nikolas comes clean to Elizabeth about Jason, including his power-hungry motives for keeping it quiet. Elizabeth is furious, partly because he's lied to everyone, partly because he's willing to mess with people's lives to get power, and partly because he thinks Sam and Danny are better off without Jason. She heads straight back to the ballroom and takes the stage to reveal "Jake"'s true identity. Magic Milo and the Wands (Lucas, Felix, Michael, T.J., and Nathan) do their thing, followed by a performance of "Dear Future Husband" by the Haunted Starlets (Sabrina, Lulu, Maxie, Valerie, Sam, and Ellie). Emma and Cameron attempt a tango but get interrupted by Spencer, who's channeling the Phantom of the Opera, substituting sandbags for a chandelier. After making her traditional underwear-clad appearance, Lucy makes Duke and Anna tango. Then Patrick and Emma sing a duet called "Nothing I Can't Do," accompanying themselves on guitar (!) against a backdrop of home movies and photos of Emma through the years (!!). Lulu and Dante send Spencer back to Wyndemere, where he imagines the ghost of his mother. Jason's a little ticked at Carly for the way she handled the Ric/Hayden reveal, since it embarrassed Elizabeth, but he gets over it when he realizes he's free to be with her. Lucas accepts Brad's proposal.

Whatever happens, I give Elizabeth points for thinking of Jason's loved ones first. Her first instinct was to tell the truth. She's not even thinking about how she could keep quiet and have Jason all to herself. Good on her.

Things Nikolas said today that made my blood boil: 1) "The past two years of my life have been a disaster." And Sam's were a picnic? 2) "He never put Sam and Danny first." He literally only had Danny for 24 hours! 3) All that crap about how he doesn't want Elizabeth to get invested in a relationship with someone and then find out they can't be together. That's just what he's letting Sam go through. SHUT UP, NIKOLAS.

Anyone else need to be slapped in the face? Elizabeth is on a roll.

I cannot function after the cuteness of Patrick and Emma's number, even without the accompanying adorable photos and videos. CUTE OVERLOAD. Also, Jason Thompson wrote the song they performed! Extra cuteness!

Ugh, Courtney. Can I be dead now, too?

A second ugh to "Dear Future Husband." Emma at nine years old is more of a feminist.

I wonder if Haley Pullos got sick and had to miss a day of taping, because she completely disappeared from the ball. Also, she was a Haunted Starlet last year but not this year. (Same with Kiki, but she never came to the ball this year in the first place.)

May 5th, 2015

Elizabeth almost reveals who "Jake" is but changes her mind and instead babbles something about Jason and Robin at the 1996 ball. She wants to keep Jason's identity quiet so she can have him, since she's never been allowed to be happy and her life has been so horrible and waaaaaaaaaa, maybe if she hadn't gone back to Ric five times, she could have had a shot at a meaningful relationship with someone else. Nikolas reluctantly agrees to keep his mouth shut. Courtney's ghost teaches Spencer about using nice words and not being a bully and all sorts of stuff that Nikolas apparently never thought to cover. She also convinces him to take off his mask and realize that his scar isn't that bad. On his way to see Elizabeth, Jason gets sidetracked by Sloane, who tells him that the target of Julian's hit was Jordan. Jason finds that strange, since he knows Carlos was setting up shop in his hotel room, and Jordan wasn't at the hotel. Sloane urges him to bring up the hit to Julian and find out what really happened. As Duke approves a second hit on Jordan, Sloane encourages Anna to try to patch things up with him. That probably won't happen since she overhears the tail end of his conversation about the hit. Carly shares a moment with Michael, telling him how much he's like Jason. Later, she thanks Sabrina for being so supportive of her son. Ned sings "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" with Epiphany, Sabrina, and Felix on backup vocals. Spinelli sings "It Might Be You" while the people in his love square give each other meaningful looks. The ball wraps up with Sabrina and Epiphany singing "You're Not Alone" and everyone dancing while Elizabeth walks through a door she can never walk back out of.

Congratulations, writers – you've ruined Elizabeth for good! I've never liked her, have often hated her, and now can't stand the sight of her:

Now I absolutely can't wait until the truth comes out and Sam and Carly tear into her.

And don't think I've forgotten about you, Nikolas. You don't get to bug Elizabeth about the possible ramifications of keeping a secret like this.

Courtney's ghost is a better parent than Nikolas. If she'd always been like this, I wouldn't have hated her.

I really liked the scene Carly and Michael had. And I like that she likes Sabrina. It's a nice change for her to approve of Michael's love interest.

May 6th, 2015

Jason's concerned that Elizabeth won't be able to move on from Jason, and that's just a weird sentence if you don't understand what's going on. Elizabeth assures him that she's ready for something new, then seals her fate with a kiss. Nikolas finds Hayden in his bed, looking for a place to crash now that she's been kicked out of the hotel. He placates her with sex, then tries to kick her out. She lets him know she won't be budging, unless he wants her to tell everyone that she also knows "Jake" is Jason. Duke and Anna clarify that they're not seeing other people, and confirm that they want to get back together. He's willing to leave the mob, but she points out that Julian will still target him. Duke suggests that they leave town and start a new life together. They make plans to meet at midnight and head off to Canada. First, Duke needs to call off the hit on Jordan, so Bruce should start answering his phone. Ellie's annoyed that her and Nathan's plan hasn't worked, like, it's been two hours. Have some patience. He steps things up by kissing her, and Spinelli jumps to protect her (not that she needs protection). Nathan and Ellie pretend they're going to go have sex, which leads Maxie to blurt out that she wants Nathan to come home with her instead. She reveals that, before the boxing match, she'd decided she wanted to be with Nathan. Spinelli announces that he wants to be with Ellie and actually wishes he'd never listened to her about trying to get back together with Maxie. So Nathan's plan is 100 percent effective, leading to the reconciliation of Spinelli and Ellie, and Maxie and Nathan. Shawn attacks Julian, accusing him of trying to kill Jordan. Julian scoffs that Jordan "isn't worth [his] bullet." Then he says something inappropriate and gets punched. Sam confronts Olivia about the lies she's told Julian. Olivia begs her to keep quiet so the baby will be safe, but Sam doesn't like the idea of keeping a secret from her father. Because this is a soap, Julian overhears them talking. least Jason will have an alibi when all this mob stuff goes down.

Now that she's not lying to Jason, and Elizabeth is the true villain of this plot, I kind of enjoy Hayden. Mostly because she's a threat to take down two horrible, horrible people.

Anna: "We can't be together unless you leave the mob." Duke: "Then I'll leave the mob." Anna: "That won't work." Geez, Anna, make up your mind.

Holy cow, I can't believe Nathan's plan actually worked! Well, mostly I can't believe they wrapped up the plotline. The Nurses' Ball really is magical!

May 7th, 2015

Sloane tells Anna what Jason said about Carlos being in his room, which means Julian may have been gunning for Duke, not Jordan. He adds that he thinks Duke was the one who targeted Jordan. Anna tries to convince him (and herself) that Duke wouldn't do that, since he's only the substitute mob boss. Carlos ambushes Duke, hoping to finally carry out Julian's hit. They fight for an hour, then do the patented fight-over-the-gun-and-when-it-goes-off-it's-not-clear-who-was-shot thing. Later, Jason arrives at the scene of their standoff to find blood and a gun, but neither of the men. Jason and Elizabeth have sex while I cry into my hands. Hayden knows absolutely everything, which means she knows how the truth about Jason's identity could make everyone in town turn on Nikolas. She casually uses the information to get Nikolas to agree to let her stay at Wyndemere, though he's not as worried about her blackmail as he probably should be. Julian bugs Sam for an hour, even while Olivia has contractions. Just as Sam admits that Julian is the baby's father, Olivia's water breaks. Bruce ignores Duke's messages about calling off the hit and instead gets Shawn to leave Jordan's apartment so he can kill her.

Elizabeth and Jason, I'm BEGGING you to use protection. And not the kind of protection you were using the night Jake was conceived.

When Hayden thinks you're being unethical, you've really screwed up.

Nikolas seems to have forgotten that Hayden wouldn't be the first pariah he's taken in.

For some reason, I liked that Patrick asked Olivia's permission before he helped her. Doctors on TV shows always just jump in, but legally, they're probably supposed to ask if they can help.

May 8th, 2015

Sloane tries to talk Anna into staying in town, because she has loved ones there, and her job is important, and he totally has a crush on her. Jordan's a step ahead of Bruce and hides in the bathroom while he breaks in and shoots her pillows instead of her. She kills him, then calls Anna and Sloane. Even after she sees that Bruce is missing the button she found on the docks after Jordan was almost shot, Anna remains in denial that Duke would order a hit. Sloane demands to know where she's meeting Duke, telling her to stop acting like a lovesick teenager and be the federal officer she's supposed to be. Anna runs off to meet Duke, who's at the appointed spot at midnight, albeit with a gunshot wound. Julian bugs Olivia (and everyone else present) and gets kicked out of the room while Patrick delivers the baby. Of course, something's wrong. Nathan and Maxie catch Jason with the gun Carlos and Duke left behind, and believe he's responsible for the blood on the ground. Jason calmly tries to explain that he's as clueless as they are about what happened. Maxie thinks he's Helena's puppet again, and Nathan isn't taking chances with the guy who's already shot him once, so Jason's on his way to the PCPD for questioning. Michael and Sabrina talk through the possible drawbacks to having a relationship, as well as whether or not Sabrina actually wants one. They're both on board to give it a try and agree to go on a date the next night. After Michael leaves, Carlos arrives, begging Sabrina for help. T.J. worries that Jordan and Shawn's jobs will prove too dangerous for them.

Oh, Anna. This is a problem. Bob at the DOJ is not going to like this.

That's the second Jerome baby to be born in a motel or hotel. I don't think that's a trend that should continue.

Okay, I can get behind a Michael/Sabrina relationship. They're cute together.

Yeah, I think it's time for Jason to just tell Nathan he works for Sloane.

Back together: Anna Devane and Duke Lavery, Maxie Jones and Nathan West, Damian Spinelli and Ellie Trout
Born: unnamed Falconeri/Jerome baby
Dead: Bruce
Engaged: Brad Cooper and Lucas Jones
Injured: Duke Lavery

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Olivia: "Did you see the funny look he gave me?" Ned: "Funny is Julian's only look"; Carlos calling Duke "Braveheart"
Funniest moments (unintentional): Duke calling himself a kingpin; Olivia: "It's called Braxton Hicks contractions." Julian: "That tells me nothing"
Saddest moment: N/A
Sweetest/cutest moment: Patrick and Emma's duet, OBVIOUSLY
Least believable moment: I feel like people should have been a little more concerned with the fact that Olivia's baby is only, like, 18 weeks along
Best instance of continuity: Robin and Jason at the 1996 Nurses' Ball
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: Ghost Courtney
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Nathan
Dumbest character: Bruce

The week in a nutshell:

May 11th, 2015

Anna accuses Julian of being behind Duke's hit, vowing to get revenge. Julian better get some more bodyguards because Duke doesn't make it. Jason insists that he didn't shoot anyone, but once Nathan hears that Duke was shot, he figures that one of Julian's minions is responsible, so why not Jason? Jason stops answering questions and waits for Sloane, who thinks it might work in their favor if people think Jason was the shooter. Carlos tells Sabrina that he shot someone, but when she flips out, he pretends he's talking about Ava. He claims that there's a witness who can put him in prison, and he's not willing to go back, so he's going to skip town. Sabrina reluctantly agrees to harbor him for the night. Jordan tells Shawn that the Jeromes were behind the attempted hit on her, so now Shawn's madder at Julian than he was before. When she hears that the shipment Shawn was supposed to meet never came, she appears to be on the road to putting everything together. Julian bugs everyone in the ER so we can kill some time with this storyline until the baby stabilizes. Michael tells Tracy that Ned gave his ELQ shares to Franco to somehow protect Olivia.

'Bye, Ian Buchanan! I...don't care. Sorry.

Carlos to Sabrina: "You're the best person I know." Me: "But everyone else you know is a criminal, so...."

Rock on, doctor who kicked Julian out of the ER.

Now that the truth about the baby's paternity is out, I guess Ned can get his shares back.

May 12th, 2015

Sloane wants Jason to make Julian think he killed Duke so Julian will bring him into his inner circle. Then he'll ask Jason to kill again, and they can bust Julian for conspiracy to commit murder. After receiving some actual sympathy from Obrecht, Anna goes to the police station to confront Jason. She demands to know if he killed Duke, threatening to return the favor if he did. Sloane pops in just in time to stop her, letting her know that Jason is his undercover informant and they're covering up Carlos' probable involvement in the shooting. Olivia tells Dante that Julian is the baby's father, and she's terrified that the baby will either be in danger or that Julian will try to hide behind him like he did Danny. Dante promises to protect them, knowing that Duke's death will ignite a war. Olivia asks him to help her and the baby disappear. Alexis asks Julian if he was responsible for Duke's death, and when he admits that he called the hit, she tells him they're through yet again. Carly fills Sonny in on the events of the ball, which gives her another chance to revel in what she did to Ric. Sonny thinks they should stay out of it. Then he, Shawn, Jordan, and Carly learn of Duke's death, and he and Shawn head off to find Julian and retaliate. Let's make sure we know how Elizabeth feels about Jason being arrested! The viewers sure care about her opinions right now!

Sloane's plan only works assuming Carlos hasn't already told Julian that he shot Duke.

I'm surprised Anna hadn't already figured out that Jason is Sloane's undercover operative. He basically told her everything about him except his name.

Dante has officially spent more time thinking about Olivia's baby than he has thinking about Avery. I think they show's forgotten that Avery is his sibling, too.

So remember when Julian was in the hospital after the prison break, and Alexis came to him and said she wanted to be with him no matter what? And then they didn't talk about his job again for three months? What did she think he was doing that whole time? Or did she know he was in the mob, but she didn't start caring until Duke turned up dead? Basically what I want to know is when did Alexis turn into Courtney?

May 13th, 2015

Julian tells Sonny and Shawn that he had nothing to do with Duke's death, which makes the list of top ten dumbest lies ever told on this show. Sonny gives him 24 hours to turn over the shooter or Sonny will kill him. Dante begs Sonny not to continue the violence, which makes the list of the top ten dumbest pleas ever made to Sonny. It doesn't take Anna long to figure out that Carlos killed Duke, so she tells Sloane she's going after him. Meanwhile, Sabrina hears about Duke's death and also easily realizes that Carlos was responsible. She starts to call the police, but Carlos ties her up and splits before Anna and Sloane can arrive. Jason tries to break up with Elizabeth, telling her that things are too dangerous for them to be together, but she's willing to take the risk. Hayden reveals herself as a guest at Wyndemere, and Nikolas tells Lulu and Valerie that they're old acquaintances who recently reconnected. He claims that he didn't know about her scheme with Ric. Lulu's surprised that he would be on the side of someone who hurt Elizabeth, as if Nikolas has never made a decision that goes against someone he loves. Ned and Dante think Olivia's overreacting to the possibility of the baby being in danger because of who his father is, like, are they new here?

So no one on this show goes on the Internet first thing in the morning? Why do so few people know about Duke's death?

"Well, my kids might be in danger, but at least I got Jason back!" Go away, Elizabeth. And thanks, show, for the false hope that they might actually break up.

Why is Lulu so surprised that Nikolas would be with Hayden after what she did to Elizabeth? He was with Britt after what she did to Lulu. Clearly he has no loyalties.

Awww, Felix finally got some love. Off-screen. From a practically nonexistent character. I guess that's the best we could have hoped for.

May 14th, 2015

Sloane lets Anna listen to the messages Duke left for Bruce, confirming that he did call off the hit on Jordan. As everyone gathers for Duke's funeral, Lucy tells Anna that she tried to help her and Duke get back together. Anna appreciates that, as well as Emma's attempts to help her feel better. Jason tells Julian that he didn't say anything to the police about the hit on Duke, and he's fine with them thinking he was the triggerman. Julian wonders why the police let him go, but seems to buy Jason's story that they didn't Mirandize him. He warns Jason (as does Carly) that Sonny might come after him. Later, Julian goes to Sonny's to tell him he's ready to hand over the shooter. Elizabeth blasts Nikolas for hanging out with Hayden, then gets even angrier when she finds out that Hayden knows everything they're keeping secret. Elizabeth announces that they'll just have to get rid of her. Sam finds herself looking at her and Jason's wedding rings, then visits him at the garage. Sonny dreams that Duke is still alive, because apparently they were close enough that Sonny would be emotionally distressed about Duke dying.

Oh, Anna. Let's not blame Sonny for this. Duke was the one with the 30-year personal vendetta against Julian.

Question: What would Elizabeth do if she thought Sonny was going to target Jason?

If only Sam had gone to Wyndemere instead of the garage.

For T.J.'s sake, I hope Duke already wrote that check.

May 15th, 2015

Anna manages to get Sabrina to find out where Carlos is so she can arrest him. After he points out that there's enough reasonable doubt to get him acquitted with a self-defense plea, she decides to take matters into her own hands and kill him. Julian gives up Jason's name to Sonny and Shawn, who respond exactly the way you'd expect. Julian calls Sloane to tell him that Jason's being targeted, hoping that he would arrive in time to arrest Sonny. But Sloane gets a lead on Carlos' location, so he might leave Jason to fend for himself. Sam asks Jason if he killed Duke and doesn't like his answer. She accuses him of taking advantage of her kindness to get access to the mob. He tells her that violence seems natural to him, then admits that he didn't kill Duke. Hayden blasts Nikolas and Elizabeth for messing with people's lives, then threatens to tell Jason and Sam everything. Nikolas is fed up with everyone and everything, basically, and tells her to go ahead. While Hayden prepares to do exactly what she said she would, Elizabeth shrieks at Nikolas for not helping her keep up her scheme. Franco offers Nina one of Heather's paintings (Egg Salad) as a peace offering, but she's already moved on to some other guy. In fact, they're getting married.

"Live. Who cares?" First time I've ever agreed with Nina. What was the point?

According to Jason Thompson's Twitter, Jeffrey Parise is leaving, so...Carlos probably isn't going to make a miraculous recovery.

I read a little while ago that Rebecca Budig was only supposed to be on for a short while (which, if true, is too bad, because Hayden is pretty awesome), so I wouldn't be surprised if she got caught in the crossfire and died before she could tell Jason and Sam anything.

Someone reset the "__ days since Sonny has broken barware" counter to zero.

Awwww, it took 20 years but Sonny finally rescued Lily from a bomb.

Broke up: Alexis Davis and Julian Jerome
Dead: Duke Lavery
Injured: Carlos Rivera

Week in review:
Funniest moment (intentional): Nina using water bottles as a fake wedding bouquet
Funniest moment (unintentional): Jason's increasingly annoyed "you've got to be kidding me" faces as the week progressed
Saddest moment: Everything Anna
Sweetest/cutest moment: Emma wanting to help Anna feel better
Least believable moment: Obrecht showing even the teeniest bit of sympathy for Anna
Best instance of continuity: Kristina was premature
Worst instance of continuity: Olivia said she wasn't drunk when she slept with Julian, but she was
Hero of the week: Sloane
Most annoying character: Elizabeth
Smartest character: Hayden, for actually going through with her threat after Nikolas called her bluff
Dumbest character: Carlos, for always going to the same place when he needs to hide out, and never leaving before someone figures out where he is

The week in a nutshell:

May 18th, 2015

Elizabeth keeps demanding that Nikolas stop Hayden, wondering why this is the first time in his life he's decided not to back down. Meanwhile, Hayden tells Jason that she knows who he is, and that his identity being revealed will affect both him and Sam. Just as Shawn is about to shoot Jason, Jordan grabs him, making the shot go wild. Jason protects Sam, leaving Hayden to take a bullet to the head. While Jason goes after Shawn, and Jordan breaks up their fight, Sam tends to Hayden, who tells her that she's not the only person who knows Jason's real identity. At the hospital, Elizabeth learns of the shooting and plays dumb as to why Hayden might have been at the garage. Back at Wyndemere, a man tells Nikolas that things are taken care of – everyone will think Shawn shot Hayden, but it was really him. Sonny tells Carly that he sent Shawn to kill Jason, refusing to call it off even when she tells him that it'll ruin things between them the way A.J.'s murder ruined things between him and Michael. She tries over and over to tell him how bad an idea it is, having to stop herself from telling him that Jason's a mole. Nina's surprise fiancé is Ric, who she apparently connected with at the Floating Rib after the ball. They're eager to tie the knot (well, Ric's more eager than Nina is) but won't tell Franco exactly why. Despite Franco's best efforts, including suggesting that Nina marry him instead, Ric and Nina get hitched. Sloane doesn't really care that Carlos is dead or that Anna killed him, but he does care that their one chance to bust Julian is gone, since no one else can confirm that he ordered the hit on Duke. Defeated, Anna tells Sloane to go ahead and arrest her. Instead, Sloane suggests that they cover up the crime. Jason's confused as to why Jordan would interrupt the hit, but Shawn knows his old suspicions about her being an undercover cop were right.

Dang, there was a lot in this episode: A shooting, a wedding, an arrest, a cover-up, and the truth about Jordan's job coming out. Happy May Sweeps!

Are you telling me that, for the second time, Shawn tried to carry out a hit but someone else beat him to it? Freaking A.

Nikolas: "How has no one figured out that Jake is Jason?" Me: "Well, you didn't know until Helena told you, so...." Also, I think Nikolas is officially going to Hell now.

Nina and Ric? That's one of the most dangerous partnerships I can think of. So, you know, bring it.

Sonny: "Were you eavesdropping?" Carly: "No. Why?" Because every other time you've been together, you've eavesdropped from the staircase? Do you really think that's a dumb question?

May 19th, 2015

Elizabeth continues to play dumb about Hayden while Sam and Jason wonder how she found out who he is. Sam suggests Ric, but Elizabeth says Hayden's probably just lying. Hayden tries to talk to Jason but has a seizure before she can tell him anything. Carly starts to tell Sonny that Jason's undercover, but they're interrupted when he learns of Shawn's arrest. She ends up keeping the information to herself, but she does convince Sonny to leave Jason alone to stay off the polices radar. Ric reports for duty as Shawn's lawyer, relaying a message from him to Sonny and Carly that Jordan is a cop. Julian has trouble getting access to the baby, as Epiphany tells him that Ned's name is on the birth certificate. The bad news continues when Olivia and Ned claim that the baby died. Obrecht confirms this, adding that he was accidentally cremated. In truth, the baby is fine, and it's all a cover-up to keep him away from Julian. After years of lying, Jordan finally gets to tell T.J. that she's an undercover cop. He's more concerned with the fact that Shawn is in jail because of her. Nina continues to insist to Franco that things with Ric are awesome/will continue to be awesome/aren't at all weird and confusing. Valerie overhears Nikolas confirming with his hitman that Hayden is on her way out of the picture.

Now, Elizabeth, this time you SHOULD have kept your mouth shut. Let Sam think that Ric knows more than he does, and keep the heat off of yourself.

Sean Blakemore's leaving, so good luck getting out of jail, Shawn. Part of me will be sad to see him go, but the rest of me (most of me, really) feels like he's been ruined, so it's time for him to leave. I mean, he doesn't even care that he almost killed an innocent person.

I wonder if T.J. will feel the same when he finds out that Shawn was arrested for attempted murder?

A Nina/Ric/Sonny/Carly brunch? Yes, please!

May 20th, 2015

Sloane pulls Anna along with him to cover up Carlos' death. Elizabeth tells them about Hayden's shooting, and Anna realizes that her and Sloane's actions have gotten an innocent woman hurt. Sloane's like, "Well, Jordan's the one who screwed up. Let's go get some ribs." Sam and Jason get to know each other better while waiting to hear news about Hayden. When the news comes, it's a mixed bag: Hayden's alive, but she's in a coma. Olivia tells Dante that the baby died, then decides he should know the truth instead. He's supportive, though neither is sure what this means for Olivia. Sabrina's a little suspicious that she hasn't heard about Carlos being arrested but also hasn't heard about a manhunt, which means he probably didn't skip town. Michael offers to change their dinner plans so they can stay at her place and wait for news. Kiki and Morgan fight about, like, everything, and then he accuses her of liking it when guys tell her she's not good enough, and then they start making out, and I really don't care about any of this. Julian turns to Alexis for comfort as she wonders if Ned and Olivia lied to him about the baby.

Hey, Sloane, why don't you talk about your murder cover-up a little louder while you're in a place where a lot of people hang out?

Revealing Carlos as Duke's killer would be much easier than Anna and Sloane think: Just say that he confessed to Sabrina and then left town.

Sam and Jason's chemistry > Jason and Elizabeth's chemistry. Try to deny it, Liaison fans.

Hayden's in a coma – how conveeeeeeeenient.

Why did Olivia lie to Dante about the baby being dead in the first place? That was mean.

New rule: Babies on this show must be named immediately so we don't have to keep saying "the baby."

May 21st, 2015

Anna urges Sloane to pull Jason from the Jerome organization, or at least make it public knowledge that he didn't kill Duke. Sloane really couldn't care less about Jason. Also, Anna's guilt is starting to make her fall apart, so someone might want to keep an eye on that. Jason tells Elizabeth that he's undercover but is going to quit in the morning. That means he might go to prison, which means he and Elizabeth cant be together. She can't change his mind this time, so she resigns herself to one last night with him. Michael and Sabrina hang out and are cute, even though they keep talking about Carlos. Julian is desperate for Alexis' company, but she won't budge on her decision to leave him while he's mobbed up. He announces that he'll quit, saying the baby's "death" has made him realize how dangerous the organization is for innocents. This changes Alexis' mind, so they're back on. Also back on: Morgan and Kiki, who have sex, then decide to try a relationship again. Patrick asks Sam to stay away from Jason, at least until the mob war is under control.

Dear every single person in this episode: USE PROTECTION.

If Sloane uses Jason as an informant because Julian quits the mob, I will laugh so hard.

Hey, if Elizabeth doesn't get to be with Jason anymore, does that mean she'll tell him who he is? HA HA HA HA HA HA as if I thought that would happen.

Michael grew up with Sonny but doesn't speak Spanish? And he's spent big chunks of his life on the island but hasn't had an authentic Puerto Rican meal? Sure, okay.

Patrick, I'm trying to find reasons to keep liking you, but you're making it hard. Don't you think that letting Emma spend time with Duke while maligning Jason is hypocritical?

May 22nd, 2015

Death has made Carlos irritating, and he won't leave Anna alone. She tells Sabrina that she did find Carlos on the docks, but he knocked her out and fled. T.J. visits Shawn in jail, ranting about how Jordan's a traitor and a bad mother and all sorts of stuff that Shawn doesn't like hearing. Jordan convinces Scott to agree to let Shawn walk in exchange for testifying that Sonny ordered the hit on Jason. When Shawn balks, Jordan begs him to do it for T.J.'s sake – because Shawn's son needs him. Jason announces to Sloane that he's quitting before any more innocent people get hurt. Sloane still thinks Jason's close to getting in really deep with Julian, even though it's pretty clear that Julian didn't send anyone to protect him at the garage. Jason won't back down, so Sloane has the charges against him reinstated. Lucas and Alexis decide that Julian needs his family around, so the two of them, Sam, Kiki, and Morgan gather to comfort him. He takes the opportunity to announce that he's done with the mob. The gathering takes a weird turn when Ava shows up in a dark wig, channeling Lois. Sam blames herself for the baby's "death" because she was bugging Olivia before she went into labor.

T.J. knows WHY Shawn was arrested, right? Like, is he okay with the fact that Shawn tried to kill someone? Because he was madder when he thought Jordan was a drug dealer.

"The Butler Did It." I want to be friends with the person who writes the newspaper headlines on this show.

Please tell me Ava's going to pretend to be some long-lost Jerome relative and hide in plain sight.

Apparently Rebecca Budig is out, so we can remove Hayden as a potential way for the truth about Jason to come out.

Arrested: Shawn Butler
Back in town: Ava Jerome
Back together: Morgan Corinthos and Kiki Jerome, Alexis Davis and Julian Jerome
Dead: Carlos Rivera
Injured: Hayden Barnes
Married: Nina Clay and Ric Lansing

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): "Josslyn had a meltdown. Something about corn futures"; Sam (in bed with Patrick): "I was just thinking about my father." Patrick: "WHAT?"
Funniest moment (unintentional): Morgan acknowledging that a ton of people in Port Charles are related
Saddest moment: Dante thinking the baby had died
Sweetest/cutest moment: Sam and Jason talking about her past
Least believable moment: Michael's unfamiliarity with Puerto Rican food and the Spanish language
Best instance of continuity: "Kiki Not a Q"
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: Does the Carlos hallucination count?
Smartest character: Alexis
Dumbest character: N/A
Unanswered question of the week: Why did Ric and Nina get married?

The week in a nutshell:

May 26th, 2015

Shawn accuses Jordan of lying about T.J.'s paternity because she feels guilty about his arrest. Jordan insists that it's the truth and keeps begging him to take the deal and turn on Sonny. Sloane makes some sort of deal with Scott, then tells Jason and Carly that he's not reinstating the charges against him. He's also going to make sure Carlos is blamed for Duke's death. That plus Carly's insistence that Sonny's going to behave himself make Jason think he's in the clear. Ava presents herself as Denise from Queens, a random Ava lookalike. Absolutely no one believes her. Also, her disguise is bad, because the second Sloane sees her, he recognizes her and announces that he's arresting her. Sonny learns of Ric and Nina's marriage and thinks Nina's blackmailing her new husband. Obrecht suggests to Franco that Ric married her to get to her money. Molly comforts T.J., who finds it ironic that his mother is the reason he and Shawn became close, and is now the reason Shawn could be taken away from him.

Jordan doesn't seem to get that if Shawn flips on Sonny, he'll have to flee the country. Otherwise, Sonny will kill him.

Sloane must think he's having the best day ever. First he thinks he's going to nab Sonny. Then he makes a deal about Jason. Now he thinks he's stumbled across a wanted fugitive. If Anna kisses him, today will be an A+.

Carly threatened to have Sloane "busted down to dogcatcher." Someone else used to say that, but I can't remember who. Google-fu, activate! Google says it was Sonny. Shocking. Olivia also said something similar once. Even less shocking.

This whole Ava plot is just beautiful. I'll admit, though, I wish Sam had called Ava's bluff when she threatened to fight her. Ava would have freaked out. It would have been an upper-class woman who was on her deathbed just weeks ago vs. a woman who, as I'm fond of reminding people, once kicked a guy in the back.

May 27th, 2015

Shawn not only rejects Scott's deal but also pleads guilty to attempted murder. Before he's taken to Pentonville, he declines to tell T.J. the truth about his paternity, not wanting to take his father from him again. Sloane talks Julian into letting Jason go so Sonny will leave him alone. It's kind of a moot point anyway, since Julian plans to leave the business. Jason tells Elizabeth that he's free and clear, which I guess means they can get back together. Later, Sonny drops by to make absolutely sure that Jason didn't have anything to do with Duke's death. Ava keeps up her charade but has to submit to a DNA test to prove her identity. Franco tells Nina his suspicions about Ric, but she doesn't care. Lulu is confused over Nikolas' lack of concern for Hayden. Valerie wants to work at the PCPD.

Today's episode is an example of why Tequan Richmond was nominated for an Emmy.

I'm bummed that I can't see Shawn off to Pentonville with, "Say hi to Johnny."

Ava might actually be able to pull this off if she gets Delia involved. We know Delia placed Ava for adoption – she just has to say that she had twins and never told anyone.

So I guess Jason needs a new job. How would he feel about running Kelly's? I mean, Shawn took his job; why not take Shawn's?

Okay, Elizabeth. Jason and Sonny are now facing off in your living room. Yet you're still keeping your mouth shut. How do you sleep at night? (And don't say, "With Jason.")

I'm on board with Lucas making movie references. That quirk reminds me of a certain other character who is rumored to be returning (as a recast) next week...

May 28th, 2015

While Morgan and Kiki wonder if Ava's really Ava, Sonny takes matters into his own hands, visiting her in lockup to try to get her to tell the truth. He thinks a scar from her shooting will be the evidence he needs, but a strategically placed tattoo squashes that idea. By the end of the episode, the DNA results are in, and everyone's ready for the verdict. Sloane tries to convince Anna that she's not in danger of being found out, but shes still haunted by Carlos. Lomax wants to run for governor of New York next year, so she's concerned about her low polling numbers, which she blames on Sloane. She gets Nikolas on board with some kind of plan, then fires Sloane. Lucas wants to set a wedding date, but Brad doesn't think they should have a big ceremony. It turns out he may not have told his parents about his engagement, or even that Lucas exists. Lulu is toooooootally fine with the possibility of Valerie working with Dante.

Meanwhile, Sonny Corinthos is in the PCPD lockup, telling a woman to take off her top...

Why do I get the feeling that Sloane is so calm because he's covered up a murder before?

So who's going to be the new police commissioner? Ooh, can it be Jordan?

I definitely want to meet the people who raised Brad and made him the person he is. I bet they have horns.

May 29th, 2015

The DNA test claims that "Denise" isn't Ava, but is part of her immediate family. Delia shows up to shed some light on the subject. Olivia tries to throw Nina out of the hotel, but Ric steps in and threatens to cry discrimination. Nina starts to wonder if Franco's right about Ric's motives for marrying her after he tells her he can help her get access to her money. At the same time, Franco fills Nathan and Maxie in on Nina's recent actions. Since the Reeves money was taken from Nina when she was deemed unfit to control it, Maxie realizes that, as Nina's husband, Ric can get it back. The scheme gains another layer when Ric goes to visit a still-incarcerated Madeline. Michael asks Rosalie to offer Nina money for Ned's ELQ shares. Rosalie calls Nikolas to fill him in just as Nikolas starts to put together a plan to get the shares from Franco. Lulu asks Nikolas to bribe Sloane not to hire Valerie, then quickly realizes that she doesn't want to be that kind of person. Lulu learns that Luke has disappeared from wherever he's being treated.

Oh, you want to know how it's possible that "Denise" is related to you and Ava, Julian? Let's start with the fact that your father couldn't keep it in his pants.

Thank you to Maurice Benard for his perfect reaction to Delia's arrival.

"It's always the cute ones." Ew, Ava, he's your nephew!

I was wondering what happened to Madeline after the jailbreak. So now I know.

Rosalie, girl, just take the money and leave town. You don't need all these people's craziness.

Week in review:
Funniest moments (intentional): Obrecht basically saying, "Mr. and Mrs. Panic Room kind of make sense together, actually"; Sam's "pow pow" when warning Ava that Sonny will come after her; Ava: "You're cute but you're dumb." Morgan: (shrugs like, "Well, I can't really deny that"); Lucas quoting A Few Good Men and then shutting up when no one got it
Funniest moment (unintentional): Ava to Morgan: "I gather that you get most of your charm from your mother." Me: (dies laughing)
Saddest moment: T.J. getting emotional over Shawn going to prison
Sweetest/cutest moment: N/A
Least believable moment: The chain of command on Ava's DNA test was Brad (known to perpetrate fraud) to Lucas (suspect's nephew) to Dante
Best instances of continuity: Morgan used to gamble; Lulu worked at the PCPD
Worst instance of continuity: N/A
Hero of the week: N/A
Most annoying character: I'll just go with Elizabeth
Smartest character: Maxie, for putting together exactly why Ric must have married Nina
Dumbest character: Ghost Carlos again
Inside joke: Franco was a "completely different person" when he slept with Maxie, who thinks he was like a "special guest star"

The week in a nutshell:

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